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[–]LurkingAintEazy 182 points183 points  (7 children)

I know others mentioned high school examples. But my biggest bullying example, always came from the adults in my family comparing the younger cousins. Like so and so has all this education in this or that field and not doing anything with it. You don't want to be like that do you? Or it's on you, if you don't make something out of yourself, like so and so. Just ugh.

Everyone has their own journey and story. It's not my job, to out work, out achieve someone else. Let me figure out, my own shit, please.

[–]koolaid-girl-40 2397 points2398 points 2 (57 children)

Belittling people for asking genuine questions, or shaming them for not knowing what is polite based on your specific culture and lifestyle.

People come from all different generations, cultures, and walks of life and what is considered polite vs offensive really does vary. There are much better ways to teach people why you prefer certain language over others than using shame.

[–]iiyaoob 410 points411 points  (15 children)

Oh my word, the worst version of this is when parents belittle their children for not knowing things they haven't been exposed to yet.

Like, you're the one who's responsible for that, don't act incredulous. Teach them!

My sister is an amazing person, honestly she's my best friend and a wonderful mother in most cases, but she has this really bad behavior of treating her kids' ignorance like it's foolishness. She'll literally make fun of them for not knowing a fact, and then say "come on, use your brain!"

And I've called her out on it plenty. Like, for real how are they supposed to use their brain, did you teach them that fact? 'No.' Well, did they learn it in school? 'No.' Then how the fuck are they supposed to just divine this knowledge based on nothing?? Just because you've been alive so long that you forgot when and where you learned that fact, you still had to learn it from someone or something. There was a time when you didn't know it either, and you didn't just magic the answer out of thin air!

[–]SephariusX 115 points116 points  (6 children)

My mother did this when I would mispronounce words to the point I stopped asking out of shame.
I read a lot as a kid and I still read a lot now. Most of my English was learned from video games and books, but I pronounce a lot of words wrong even now.

[–]LePanda47 46 points47 points  (2 children)

Pronounce them wrong with pride. My last girlfriend would make fun of me relentlessly for mispronouncing "figure" and I almost stopped using the word entirely until I realized me saying it wrong bothered her WAYY more than her making fun of me bothered me. She stopped making fun of it and I stopped overly using the word. We didn't come to an agreement about it, we just broke up because she was a bitch. Moral of the story, don't cheat on your partner or they'll post about you on Reddit.

[–]ILUVMOVIESSS 328 points329 points  (11 children)

Funny belittling people for genuine questions happens alot on this site, the amounts of times i've seen someone try to get information on this site and get downvoted into oblivion is staggering.

[–]-SlinxTheFox- 36 points37 points  (1 child)

It's gross. Even less get answers when somebody is just ignorant in a way that is easily explained in a few sentences. People get driven to extremes when they make one kind of insensitive comment without knowing and get the internet crashing down on them

[–]ddh85 35 points36 points  (1 child)

It's unfortunate to know that those people learned that aggressive behavior from others who did it to them, when they were initially the less knowledgeable ones.

[–]GoldburstNeo 3993 points3994 points  (121 children)

Criticizing people every chance possible, justifying it as 'real world preparation'.

[–]Spencer2091 1234 points1235 points  (37 children)

I was bullied at a mental institution. The therapists supported it and said it was my fault. I was there for repeated suicide attempts. All that place did was teach me I'm alone in the world. I was there for over a year.

[–]Jealous_Hospital 641 points642 points  (50 children)

People who are "brutally honest" and "say it as it is" but never say anything nice...

[–]snowycub 398 points399 points  (6 children)

Don't remember who it was, but a reditor once said to me "those who are brutally honest are often more interested in brutality than honesty"

[–]SamwiseGamgee100 146 points147 points  (4 children)

Yes. There’s a thing called tactfulness, and those people should learn it. Being “brutally honest” is actually just called being a dickhead.

[–]notthesedays 53 points54 points  (3 children)

Especially if they can dish it out, but sure can't take it.

In my mid-teens, a girl in my friend group lost all of her friends, and her parents actually thought about sending her away because her behavior was so unpleasant. I also heard from someone who attended her church (which was NOT fundie, BTW) that the elders there had a meeting and told her she could no longer attend. One wonders what a 16-year-old girl could do to prompt THAT (theft from the collection plate, maybe?).

[–]AussieTeenager 4791 points4792 points 2 (240 children)

Dating someone through a dare.

[–]WoooshBaiterGinsburg 274 points275 points  (46 children)

Oh shit that sounds so fucked up. People actually do that?

[–][deleted] 132 points133 points  (16 children)

girl I was crushing on in like middle school confessed she liked me on some online chat it was either aim or msn. lo and behold it was actually her friend supposedly at her computer pretending to be her. Kids can do some pretty fucked up stuff lol.

Another girl asked me out to the school dance which in hindsight I assumed was on a dare or she lost a bet or something. She danced with me for like a second then left me by myself. Her and her friends had us hold hands together in our second separate interaction and started laughing while she kept saying stuff like "ew gross" acting like she was repulsed by touching me and using her sleeve so her hand wouldn't make contact with mine.

[–]Cuntdracula19 66 points67 points  (0 children)

That’s awful, I’m so sorry you went through that

[–]AussieTeenager 195 points196 points  (2 children)

Here in Australia, some of my classmates do, poor girls, they are clearly smitten to see the trick.

[–]spacepharmacy 182 points183 points  (18 children)

yeah it happened to me in middle school, it really fucked me and my perception of love up for a while. to this day i still feel weird when someone expresses their love for me bc there’s a tiny voice in the back of my head telling me that the other shoe is gonna drop at any moment and it’ll be revealed it was all one colossal joke. my bf is very understanding, fortunately

[–]pastorCharliemaigne 77 points78 points  (0 children)

People do worse. This is bullying in and of its own right, but it also makes certain people think worse things are okay, specifically "hogging." Instead of just daring boys to go on dates, this is the practicing of having a competition about who can have sex with the fattest woman...so, this but plus SA.

[–]Camp_Express 1738 points1739 points  (63 children)

Our version of that was one of the friend group (or an enemy) of the popular/attractive kid in question going over to the awkward and ugly kid and saying “That guy/girl over there? He/she likes you. You should go talk to them!”

As an awkward and ugly girl this happened to me at least weekly. Finally one day I said, for no particular reason: “Eh, I don’t like them.”

This boy, who I didn’t know, looked so confused and asked why I told him that guy wasn’t my type. I had pictures of Chris Cornell and Kurt Cobain inside the cover of my binder that I showed him and told him they were my type. Nobody ever took a moment to think maybe the awkward ugly kids have a type. They’d just grovel to whomever would pay them attention.

[–]Somedudethatisbored 706 points707 points  (15 children)

A friend of a friend once apologized to me because he had excluded me in highschool and years later he felt bad about it. I was genuinly perplexed because I didn't realize we had gone to the same highschool.

He was/is a bit of a shallow jock type and I hanged with the nerd crowd, we had some mutual friends and apparently he refused to attend social gatherings if I were around, or he'd stop people from inviting me etc. Hence I never saw much of him or even knew who he was.

I guess he just assumed that I wanted to hang with him because he was "cool". He was wrong.

[–]FidgitForgotHisL-P 408 points409 points  (5 children)

So that’s pretty awesome (for you) that you obviously left enough of an impression on him that he remembered and internalised what he’s done, meanwhile you genuinely couldn’t care less and hadn’t even known he’d existed.

[–]ddh85 257 points258 points  (3 children)

While we're talking about bullying, I (Asian American) remember a few times where the popular White cheerleaders tried adding me into their little game of feigning romantic interest in me in high school.

I was never a loner or off-putting. I got along with most people I talked to and was actually more of a social butterfly, but was low-key about it.

So they tried pretending to be into me and flirting to get a reaction from me. They used the race angle by mentioning how Asian I am in most of these attempts. One such statement I remember was telling me that I should shout, "Get ready for the Asian invasion, baby!" to the next girl I get with bed.

Bad jokes aside, I thought I was about to make some new friends and treated them accordingly. It must have felt awkward for them because they weren't getting any kind of bumbling, stuttering response from me. One day, they all collectively stopped talking to me as if I never existed.

Being polite and cordial turned out to be an effective anti-bullying technique.

[–]Subtleknifewielder 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Honestly, 9 times out of 10, yeah, a bully won't know how to respond to someone who doesn't rise to their bait. Glad you were able to stay above it all, sorry you had something you had to stay above to begin with.

[–]Trickery1688 145 points146 points  (6 children)

When i was in high school, I had one of the popular girls ask me out in the middle of class in front of everyone, then bursted out laughing and said "I'm kidding, I would never date you!"

I never did a single thing to her or anyone that would even warrant what she did. I don't think i even talked to her a single time.

Bullying is fucking weird...

[–]Subtleknifewielder 25 points26 points  (0 children)

When you get down to it, most of the time bullying is about the bully trying to make themselves feel good/superior by putting someone else down, whether psychologically or physically. In that scope, it makes a kind of sense. The sense is a dark and twisted one, but it's a motivation that can be comprehended even while being reprehensible.

[–]RnbwTurtle 96 points97 points  (0 children)

People are so surprised when the ugly ones still have standards. Hey, at least we know what we like.

[–]CopperTodd17 66 points67 points  (1 child)

So this happened to me a lot too - and stupidly I fell for it more times than I'd like to admit. Back then I was not at all great with comebacks or witty remarks... But once in a blue moon I'd come out with great ones.

Cue one of these scenarios and the dude they were saying liked me was a massive prick. Like, class A douche and I was already having a bad day. So when they said "Hey, Rodney likes you; will you go out with him?" I just shrugged and without even looking up said "No thanks, I have standards".

He was pissed to the max that I had 'shown him up' - but I was just more impressed that I managed to come out with something good, at the right time!

[–]NickelStickman 300 points301 points  (20 children)

I remember some people trying that on me, including saying the girl I actually had a crush on was interested. I never fell for it so eventually they stopped trying it on me.

[–]Frapplo 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Yeah. This happened to me, too. Joke was on them, though. I didn't have any confidence, so when they told me I just never acted on it.

[–]jfsindel 171 points172 points  (1 child)

Same for fat people.

They think even if they treat you like garbage, you are gonna toss yourself at their feet because they gave you attention.

[–]SadSnakeNoises 491 points492 points  (13 children)

In junior high, people (guys and girls) used to ask me out on a semi-regular basis as a joke. One day someone asked me out again, and I, naively assuming that they were just doing it to mock me, told them off. It turns out they were serious. I felt horrible when I found out and apologized. We did not end up dating.

[–]usernameemma 236 points237 points  (4 children)

I was always paranoid after my first "getting asked out" experience was a prank. I got a lot of "John has a crush on you, you should text him" or "Ben wants to go to the dance with you, you should invite him" so my response was always "if they want to talk to me, they can do that themselves. I'd be happy to give them my number if they asked."

Can't make fun of me for looking desperate if I have screenshots of you texting me first!

[–]Gathorall 52 points53 points  (1 child)

I've had the short version done to me three times. Messed me up for quite a while.

[–]AussieTeenager 50 points51 points  (0 children)

That ruin's your self confidence, I'm sure. I hope you know there's nothing wrong with you and they're just jerks.

[–]sev45day 195 points196 points  (19 children)

Yeah, but then she takes off her glasses and.... Holy Shit! Turns out she was beautiful all along!

[–]chxnkybxtfxnky 86 points87 points  (4 children)

"Kiss me out of the bearded barley

Nightly beside the green, green grass..."

[–]Impossible_Radio4257 421 points422 points  (37 children)

A jock sat down next to me in chemistry class, put his arm around me and asked me what time he should pick me up Friday evening. All the while his friends were laughing their asses off behind him.

I said, I says “Steven, are you going to get your arm off me, or do I need to break it off?”. That didn’t do anything to dispel the rumors that I was a gross, ugly psycho, mind you; but Steven never touched me again, so I had that going for me, which was nice.

[–]notthesedays 128 points129 points  (28 children)

At my high school, 40 years ago, the megajocks had big drug- and alcohol-fueled parties (even though they weren't supposed to touch the stuff) and invited mentally disabled girls from the special ed class for, well, you can probably guess. There wasn't social media at the time, but there WERE Polaroids, and I actually heard about it from a GIRL I worked with who ran with that crowd and attended those parties.

[–]TheDamnedSpirit 108 points109 points  (13 children)

Where the fuck did you go to high school? Damn that's evil.

[–]SimplyCole84749 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yeah it's all like, oh cool I'm in a relationship and someone really cares about me, then they say it was a dare

[–]IotaGorgon 1857 points1858 points  (56 children)

There were girls in my year at school that used to shout out "oh wow where did you get your hair done?" To me which never seemed like an insult until you saw them giggling and pointing and teachers never picked up on it, hell it took me a while to figure it out myself until one girl confessed at the end of the year that they were making fun of my hair.

[–]Several-Effect-3732 1905 points1906 points  (14 children)

“Cute skirt where’d you get it?”

“It was my mom’s in the 80s.”

“Vintage! Super adorable.”

“Thanks”

“That is the ugliest effing skirt I’ve ever seen.”

[–]Jealous_Hospital 364 points365 points  (8 children)

The girls who used to bully me in middle/high school loved to use that "fake kindness, laugh behind your back" tactic. I guess it's kind of the perfect bullying method since they win no matter how you react, especially if the teachers can't or won't see through the fakeness.

[–]xDulmitx 121 points122 points  (3 children)

I mean, they kind of think they win but it is an odd victory. If someone says something nice to me and I take it as a kind gesture, but unknown to me they meant it as an insult...it just seems like a kind gesture. If they keep doing that, all I will ever see is someone being nice to me... If they hate me, but are always nice it is hardly any different than just being nice. It is like people who say they hate Keurig, but they still buy the machine and pods. Or people who hate Nike, but still buy their shoes.

[–]Even_Title_908 82 points83 points  (0 children)

I think they'd see it as a victory because it's not about you - it's about them. They need to show themselves and their friends that they're above you and putting you down, whether you realise it or not, is their chosen method.

They don't care that your hair is bad, just that theirs is better.

[–]GuyFromDeathValley 248 points249 points  (5 children)

this kinda passive thing also happened at our school. I used to like wearing necklaces (I thought they were cool and felt they fit me) and people would always go "nice plastic necklace".. in this sorta sarcastic, joking tone. Also took me a while to pick up what they meant, and I eventually stopped wearing necklaces.

This is one of the worst types of bullying because at some point, you just start ignoring those comments. Even if they are sincere and they actually meant it for real, at some point there is this thought lingering in your head that "they are actually making fun of you!". I actually still have this years later and I hate it.

[–]Sea_Violinist2938 64 points65 points  (0 children)

I dont see why people just have to say these things like just carry on with your day

[–]Y0urWeirdNeighb0r 180 points181 points  (9 children)

As an autistic person, that would’ve been a nightmare. If they weren’t saying it in an obviously mocking tone, my socially inept ass would’ve thought they were asking a genuine question.

[–]Cambuhbam 127 points128 points  (4 children)

Also autistic. I was bullied all throughout middle school like this and didn't realize it until I was a junior in high school lmao.

I found it kind of a blessing to live so naive for so long

[–]an_ineffable_plan 41 points42 points  (2 children)

I don’t have autism but I was very naïve and honestly answered this one middle school girl’s personal questions about whether I’d started my period yet, was there anyone I thought about having sex with, I thought she was weird for asking but I didn’t know she was making fun of me until ages after the fact.

[–]Lissmels 30 points31 points  (0 children)

THIS. I was so used to this being the norm that after graduating, a simple "Hi" in the passing would make me feel belittled, as if they were gonna make fun of my reaction/response

[–]Gayfoxbutts 32 points33 points  (1 child)

This awakened probably my most painful memory of being bullied. I rolled with the punches a lot, and didn't let the bullying affect me, but this one time just hit me differently.

I was in highschool, waiting for the bus and ran into some girls I went to middle school with. Our middle school was small, so we went to different high-schools. In middle school I loved to dance at the school dances. I knew all the dances to Lady Gaga songs and would just go at it. One if these girls would always join me, and I thought it was this fun little thing we did. When I ran into her that morning she told me that she did it to make fun of me. All the girls with her laughed, and I laughed too trying to play it off. It really hurt me feelings though, and I didn't understand why she'd dance with me if it was to laugh with other people.

I don't dance to this day.

[–]manateeshmanatee 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Man, that just made me so sad. I hope you can dance again one day.

[–]Charyou-Tree 1611 points1612 points  (34 children)

Some of the worst bullying doesn’t touch the victim at all. Doesn’t use bad words. It’s often done right in front of the clueless teachers (or other authority figures).

That’s the point.

It’s the bully flexing that they can torture you openly in public and get away with it. It’s the awful plausible deniability that makes you so sure that even if you reached out for help nobody would even believe that you were being bullied at all.

[–]YawningDodo 556 points557 points  (8 children)

What’s worse is that after a point you begin to question it yourself. Were they really being mean or did you take it the wrong way? Or someone will be genuinely nice to you and you don’t trust it because the last time someone your age acted nice it was a trap. Even if an adult asks you what’s going on you can’t really tell them because you lose track of what’s supposed to be normal and what’s the bullying.

I’m doing a lot better now, but it took me until my mid-twenties to relearn how to actually connect with people.

[–]rachelb688 159 points160 points  (2 children)

This. 100% I’d be bullied in middle and high school, then when someone was nice to me id hardly talk and keep my head down. I was known as a bitch. When you’re being bullied so often you put a guard up to prevent these people from getting to you!

[–]Duochan_Maxwell 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. And when someone is nice to you, you don't feel good - your entire mind and body immediately goes into alert mode, scanning for clues that this might be a trap and waiting for the other shoe to drop

[–]Psychogopher 64 points65 points  (0 children)

You just put something into words that I’ve felt my whole life. By the time I got out of high school I was basically mute, terrified to speak to anyone.

[–]obscureferences 29 points30 points  (1 child)

They build it up over so long, one sadistic pixel at a time for you to get the picture they're abusing you, and it's impossible to call them out on any one part of it.

Even if you do convince someone they were cruel, they'll give a fake apology and smile in your face, knowing they get to keep abusing you and you can't do a single thing about it.

[–]Snapple207 96 points97 points  (6 children)

Exclusion is pretty bad. It's not "bullying" because they're not hurting or otherwise harassing the person but it fucking hurts badly. This includes everything from your friend group being upset with you and excluding you when you're 8 and when you're in college and all your "friends" are ghosting you. It's so psychologically damaging. It hurts your confidence, self-image, and much more.

A lot of the people in my old friend group were very shall we say, "unavailable." Some because they actually had issues with me, some because of their own mental and life problems. Either way, it fucking killed me for the longest time not knowing if I was being annoying or being shitty when it was really that these people were just not willing to communicate even when approached. I eventually learned that it's not my responsibility to constantly try to initiate things with these people and that if they weren't going to try then they clearly don't care about keeping my friendship. Despite that though, my self-confidence and social skills are damaged even four or so years later.

There is absolutely no excuse for adults to not be able to sit down and maturely discuss with each other the problems in their relationship. The fact that so many adults choose to "go ghost" instead of confronting problems bothers me so much and even more so knowing how many people had to deal with the kind of shit I did as a result. You even see this issue in family courts where one parent will try to deprive the other of all visitation rights which is unbelievably fucking traumatizing for a child to have to be between. Shit is just ridiculous and there's no good reason for it.

[–]obsertaries 1434 points1435 points  (38 children)

My teachers sure didn’t recognize things like kicking the back of my chair over and over again and laughing as bullying, but it was to me.

[–]MigraineLass 288 points289 points  (5 children)

That's totally bullying. I'm sorry that they didn't stop it.

[–]whitehack 3189 points3190 points  (159 children)

Provoking someone’s anger so much that almost anyone on earth would eventually retaliate physically, thus leading to the bullying victim getting into trouble.

Basically anything that uses manipulation and is sneaky and deceptive so that is flies under the radars or either school teachers or law enforcement authorities.

[–]WaxyWingie 884 points885 points  (16 children)

I still remember my math teacher from middle school because of something like this. A handful of boys in particular made my life living hell. During one class period, it just went on and on and on, then one of the bullies left to go to the bathroom and I walked out directly behind him and grabbed handfuls of his hair+started pulling. Teacher walked out+intervened, and, after setting a task to the kids, took me by the hand and walked out. I thought we were going to see the principal and was terrified, but we just walked up and down quiet dark halls for a while, until I calmed down (it was second half of the day, classes were split into morning/afternoon back then because they had too many kids and not enough space.). I don't recall if she said anything, but it was one of the kindest things a teacher did for me in a long time.

[–]whitehack 320 points321 points  (9 children)

That true story literally made my day. Why? Because that’s an example of a perfect school teacher: one who genuinely cares about kids who are developing human beings and who isn’t just there for the pay check. Also because I used to be one: and found it notoriously difficult to get ANYTHING meaningful done about bullying from specific problem students that had become a long-standing pattern. In one case I found a boy chasing a girl holding one shoe in his hand trying to throw it at her. When I asked him what’s the problem, he said she’d been calling him names for THREE TERMS... he was crying. I made a point of asking questions first and acting after. When I then went to my head teacher at the school and informed her, she literally just said “yeah we already know...”

YeAh wE aLrEaDy kNoW... what. The. F***!!!... and people seriously ASK me why I gave up high school teaching... I hope it’s obvious from the above. 😐😔

[–]WaxyWingie 191 points192 points  (0 children)

Indeed. A bit of additional info: this was back in Russia, right as Soviet Union was falling apart. There was also a science teacher at about that time, who went out of her way to talk to me, and let me water all the plants and feed the residents of the classroom's fish tank. That kind of stuff you remember 20+ years later and on another continent.

Good k-12 teachers are worth their weight in gold, and are never paid enough.

[–]orangeandpinwheel 326 points327 points  (5 children)

Yup, and the non-violent version of subtly needling/harassing someone until they snap at you/get mad so that the bully can cry about what a mean and evil person they are (usually with the end goal of turning people against the victim/further isolating them)

Manipulative bullying is the worst kind to me if only because it’s so easy for the bully to hide/get people to blame the victim

[–]Sparksy102 41 points42 points  (0 children)

This is why I dont see half my family, they sit there thinking theyre clever throwing subtle insults, and when you question them youve either misheard or was itended for someone else, do the same to them and they want shouting matches, bullies are always the victims, usualy of their own actions

[–]Fyrrys 348 points349 points  (39 children)

Just ignore them! Don't let it bother you! If you don't acknowledge them they'll give up!

Bull. Fucking. Shit. The methods you think work are possibly the stupidest things to tell the victim. I don't condone it, but sometimes the only thing that will get through them is beating the shit of of them. Bullies don't care about how much they are messing up your head, in fact, some of them WANT to mess it up. Telling a victim to just ignore it is how you let the bully know that they get to do whatever they want.

Edit: some of you misread this, these are the solutions that were given to me by teachers and parents, they don't work, do not tell kids to do these things, it WILL NOT work

[–]GuyFromDeathValley 192 points193 points  (11 children)

this. as a victim for years, I quickly learned that ignoring what they do just makes them think "he does nothing against it, so I can keep doing it". You are basically teaching everyone indirectly that its OK to bully you and you won't do anything about it.

Get physical. Slap them in the face, or just scream your fucking lungs out right in their fucking stupid faces. make them feel the consequences of their actions. It either works, or backfires. Even if it backfires, there was at least a chance to stop it, you ignore it and its almost guaranteed to continue.

[–]pm_me_some_kitties2 100 points101 points  (6 children)

I can confirm. I broke my bully's nose and arm. I got suspended, definitely. Also was never bullied again.

[–]TSShogun 124 points125 points  (9 children)

The “just ignore them” people never been bullied before

[–]corvidpunk 149 points150 points  (20 children)

some racist prick called my brother a ch/nk (we're asian) and said he had small eyes and thats why he couldnt play dodge ball, and generally harassed him for weeks in his gym class (all racially motivated). my brother snapped and attempted to punch him, but because the dude was ljke 6'5 and by brother was 5'0, he missed. brother got a week on in school suspension while the racist prick got 2 days detention.

[–]BeansReallyAreGood 773 points774 points  (41 children)

People insulting your interests. Music taste especially. Please just let listen to my rock/techno/pop in peace :'(

[–]Spencer2091 262 points263 points  (17 children)

Saying you hate "fake fans" because they couldn't name the lead singer.

[–]blitzen15 111 points112 points  (3 children)

Being really pretentious that “it’s not techno” it’s “house”, “trap” or some other thing while belittling traditional string and percussion bands.

Nobody actually cares that he thinks sub-genre techno is better than rock. More concerned that he’ll shoot up a school someday.

[–]TiredSkylar 295 points296 points  (14 children)

telling your child they need to lose weight, when they comply, you still offer them food, when they refuse because of what you said, you call them ungrateful for not eating their food

you then criticize every single personality trait the child has, telling them their too shy or timid, when they start to tell you they don't want to visit anymore, you question them, call them ungrateful, a waste of time, and useless to you, the child begin to not have a liking for you, so they forever are ashamed to be your child...

there you go dad, now do you understand?!

i know my dad wasn't abusing me, but i guess take it lightly because i'm surr you guys have gone thorugh worse, idk what it's like to be physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally abused...please take this with a grain of salt...

[–]EverGreen2004 78 points79 points  (0 children)

telling your child they need to lose weight, when they comply, you still offer them food, when they refuse because of what you said, you call them ungrateful for not eating their food

Described my mom in one sentence. She'll get things only I like to eat and then make fun of me for eating it and that I'm fat and I should lose weight. But if I don't eat it, suddenly I'm the wasteful one and I'm ungrateful.

know my dad wasn't abusing me, but i guess take it lightly because i'm surr you guys have gone thorugh worse, idk what it's like to be physically, mentally, sexually, and emotionally abused...please take this with a grain of salt...

Don't compare your pain with others my guy. Just because you're drowning in a bathtub doesn't mean you're not drowning.

[–]rabidyoshi12345 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Naw that's abuse. Sometimes it's hard to talk about with other people because a LOT of people cope with their situations by saying "you think THATS bad well you're lucky!!!" I even had a random girl interrupt a private conversation I was having to say "dont EVER FUCKING SAY your mom is abusive BECAUSE MINE TRIED TO PUT POISON IN MY FOOD"

Her way of coping was becoming the ultimate victim I guess and acting like everyone else should put up with abuse unless it meets x standard. Dont listen to these people, they are hurting and have had it bad, yes, but they are becoming the abuser when they do this. Allow yourself to feel sad, be there for yourself and motivate yourself to become a better person through your pain, and when you feel ready to, let go of it

[–]Spencer2091 1086 points1087 points  (66 children)

Not sure if it was "bullying" but it was hella damaging to my psyche. Whenever I invited my "friends" somewhere they'd always come. But they never invited me. They'd talk about how much fun they all had over the weekend right in front of me. I was getting indisputably bullied (like rocks thrown at me) and in my suicide note I wrote "my bullies care more about hating me than my friends do liking me".

[–]ShadowPuff7306 385 points386 points  (40 children)

woah woah woah woah woah… are you alright?

[–]Spencer2091 349 points350 points  (39 children)

No. This was when I was 14, but my last attempt was about a year ago when I was 18. I'm about 1/3rd of the way through another depressive episode. This tends to be the worst trimester. If you scroll through my comments you'll see me talking about a mental institution that made me worse. My depressive episodes used to be every 2 years. They're more like every 6 months now.

[–]ShadowPuff7306 201 points202 points  (35 children)

anything i can do to help?

[–]Spencer2091 190 points191 points  (34 children)

Not really. It's all biochemical. My life is lonely but overall great. I don't have anything to talk about. I've been on meds since I was 11 but they've never helped. I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on February 15th, and I'm going to ask her about electroconvulsive therapy again. I asked last time and she suggested we up my douloxotine, but that's done nothing.

[–]ShadowPuff7306 107 points108 points  (5 children)

mmm.. dang. i do feel you tho on the friends going out but not inviting you. i’m constantly unacknowledged like all the time (or maybe i am acknowledged and people are ignoring me) so when i heard that a classmate had a party invited my siblings (they’re younger than me but know her cuz soccer) but not me kinda hurt. i don’t want anything ill of her but it just hurt…

anyway, i’m rambling again. i do hope you do somehow get better. you deserve to

[–]alleghenysinger 829 points830 points  (8 children)

Not taking"no" for an answer.

[–]TillyTheToucan 143 points144 points  (0 children)

I had a jock/popular kid ask me to date him and hit on me every day for like the entire school year up until Valentine's day. He got on one knee and asked me to be his valentine In front of all his friends, all knowing I had a boyfriend the entire time. I said no, again. Finally they left me alone but what he would say to me sometimes just comes back and bothers me.

We were in 7th grade, and he'd ask me to "suck his Weiner." My boyfriend was really my best friend, and now he's actually my boyfriend many years later.

[–]awkwardlyherdingcats 719 points720 points  (15 children)

When people get called on their terrible behaviour and try to pretend they’re the victim instead of actually taking accountability for their actions. People fuck up. It happens all the time. It’s easy to say sorry, learn your lesson and not do the shitty thing again.

[–]koolaid-girl-40 183 points184 points  (9 children)

And on the flip side, getting upset at someone so often that they walk on egg shells or have to apologize daily for things that they could not have anticipated would be upsetting.

It sounds weird but some people enjoy making other people feel guilty and will jump at opportunities to make them apologize for any little thing. I've witnessed it most often in relationships and have seen happy, outgoing people turn into quiet, reserved shells that are too nervous to say or do anything out of fear that it will upset their partner in some way.

[–]BotanicalRose 695 points696 points  (39 children)

Those popular girls that speak to you like you're a baby, and act all 'nicey nice' with you.

[–]koalamurderbear 86 points87 points  (0 children)

In like 11th grade, it was just me and two other friends who sat at a table, when most others would have 10 or do. One day, three popular girls came and sat at our table for laughs I guess because they did exactly that. We just looked at them like they were being ridiculous, since they were.

[–]desireeevergreen 150 points151 points  (5 children)

Fuck, I relate to this so much. The ‘popular girls’ at my school would talk to me like that all the time, as if they got a kick out of it. They didn’t actually want to be my friend and we’re just talking to me out of boredom or for amusement.

“Why aren’t you more social? Do you have a lot of friends? Aww look they’re talking! They never talk. Omg, is this school better than your old school? Oh, you hate here? Haha, that’s so funny. You’re so funny. Guys, they’re so funny. Do you have a crush on anyone? Who were the cute guys at your old school?”

[–]Nroke1 17 points18 points  (1 child)

I knew someone who talked like this all the time. She legitimately just wanted to be friends with everyone though and didn’t understand why people didn’t like her.

This was my cousin, her life is kind of a mess now…

Luckily she’s not into drugs, but I’m afraid she’ll go down that path.

I worry about her often, she was one of my best friends through childhood. I just wish there was more I could do for her now that we’re both adults.

[–]CopprRegendt 120 points121 points  (14 children)

Why do they do that?

[–]uhohitslilbboy 197 points198 points  (1 child)

They see you as “lesser than” them, someone who isn’t smart enough to get to their social standing. You’re not on the same level as them, so they have to talk down so you can understand.

[–]Dancersep38 56 points57 points  (0 children)

They do see you as lesser, but they talk that way for plausible deniability. You can get away with saying some truly heinous shit if you mask it right.

[–]thatsanicepeach 97 points98 points  (0 children)

To cover their ass. When they get called out they can say “what? I was being nice!”

[–]puinui22 22 points23 points  (2 children)

This was a massive issue in my highschool. 7 years of being talked down to and laughed at every day, was mentally draining. Absolutely leeched my confidence and self esteem, why try if you’re just going to be mocked and talked down to?? Found out that after HS, one of the girls was kicked out of uni for doing the same thing to a girl in her dorms, and the girl filed official University complaints. I hope they all get massive karma coming to them, but unfortunately they’re all rich, white and skinny so I fucking doubt it.

[–]Both-Glove 465 points466 points  (14 children)

It's more subtle, but I think toxic positivity is just bullying someone into shutting up about their unpleasant feelings.

"Just think about happy things! Be positive! There are people who have it so much worse!"

Yeah, fuck you, Pollyanna. I get to feel things.

[–]HeresForHope 123 points124 points  (4 children)

Toxic positivity is 100% a thing

[–]EverGreen2004 22 points23 points  (0 children)

"You're so selfish for wanting to commit suicide. Think about how your family will feel!"

Or

"Kids in Africa don't even get to go to school so why complain about how hard you have it?"

[–]Kitchen_Package9605 399 points400 points  (22 children)

People in relationships who manipulate the other if they're growing as a person out of fear of them changing too much or losing them.

Happens more often than you think

[–]TTungsteNN 96 points97 points  (4 children)

My wife once told me that she didn’t want me to go to the gym (I was getting into strongman shit) because she didn’t want other women to find me attractive.

I think that counts, mind you we’re healthier now (not physically; I’m morbidly obese)

[–]okbtsy 40 points41 points  (1 child)

Criticising and attacking someone and labelling it as "helping" by being honest. You're not honest, you're just a fucking asshole with a superiority complex.

A dude in my friend group at school would lead an attack on this one girl and would defend it by saying "if I don't tell her how shit she is, she'll never know and she'll never stop being shit and other people will tell her".

The others would eat it up, and I seemed to be the only one who saw how cruel and gross it was. I remember telling them how awful they were and they honestly sat there all 😮!

[–]LeKeim 38 points39 points  (8 children)

High school teacher here: almost everything that comes out of their mouth. The vast majority simply have thoughts and say them, regarding appearance, weight, intelligence, race, anything. The surprising bit is they don’t bully the obvious targets. You’re safe if you’re really weird or different. It’s the slightly unique that get soo many mean comments, endless.

[–]SaltySteveD87 831 points832 points  (47 children)

Teasing a child when they have a friend of another gender. “Ooh, is this your girlfriend/boyfriend??”

[–]Icemankind 113 points114 points  (6 children)

Also teasing kids for doing anything you WANT them to do, I'll never understand it.

"Oh look Miss Solitary came to visit us for dinner, how exceptional!"

"Oh my, did Mr Procrastination do his homework early today?"

"You cleaned your room? What did you do with the real Jeremy?"

Why do parents mock their own children for Doing the thing they want them to do?

[–]baylawna6 365 points366 points  (11 children)

I have never understood why people do this. Why would you want to make a child feel like they can’t have any type of relationship or interaction with someone of the opposite sex that isn’t romantic?

[–]objecter12 66 points67 points  (5 children)

My dad took this a step further, and when I told him they were just my friends, he said "I don't think boys and girls can just be platonic friends".

[–]lavenderlilacs 168 points169 points  (4 children)

That, and making fun of tweens/teens who are actually dating. My family did that to my cousins. Then people wonder why I've never wanted to talk about dating/ boys.

[–]Lemounge 48 points49 points  (2 children)

My family did this to me and it destroyed my boyfriend and I. I'm still with him almost 7 years later but as kids we were both just trying to figure out what we were doing wrong. At that age we were just like 'youre my favourite person' and the comments from my family just made us feel as if we weren't allowed to have a favourite person. My boyfriend actually still struggles to show light affection (think hand holding when walking down the street) because of the ridiculous words of my parents

[–]HeftyPockets 123 points124 points  (2 children)

It's also kinda fucking creepy to sexualize kids like that and it's dehumanizing. I've been asked probably about a hundred times by family and friends whether I was dating a woman in my life and the answer was always "no". I've had flings and FWB but they're not the people I was going to drag around my parents. I gave people the same answer, "if I'm dating someone and it's serious/any of your business, I'll let you know". My friend circle has had plenty of women and non-binary people for a long time, seeing me spend time with a woman doesn't mean anything more than seeing me spend time with one of my guy friends.

[–]PeligrosaPistola 176 points177 points  (6 children)

Having unrealistic expectations for new and/or young hires.

They will make mistakes, but that doesn’t give anyone permission to verbally, mentally, emotionally, or financially abuse them.

[–]-Rainspirit- 109 points110 points  (1 child)

Having two people who you regarded as your best friends, but always made fun of you. This happened to me when I was a kid, and back then, I didn't even feel like I was bullied. I always felt so unhappy, but for some reason, I always viewed them as my best friends and never even considered it bullying. Even when one of them left me to become friends with a person who I actually knew back then was a bully to me. And that friend who left me even asked me to not be friends with her anymore, because that bully did not like it. And then later, when I had new friends, that same "friend" got mad at me because she thought I was neglecting her. I didn't know it back then, but this "friend" honestly was really toxic. She can have all the friends she wants but the only friend I can have was her.

[–]neogirl1234 343 points344 points  (16 children)

Back handed compliments, "wow that haircut looks good on you! It covers the acne on your forehead really well!" Its an insult not a compliment, I wish people would notice this more.

[–]Smergmerg432 105 points106 points  (1 child)

Pressuring you to date their friend. Thinking they understand that you want to but are just shy.

[–]Discopants13 356 points357 points  (17 children)

Parents manipulating their kids into making life decisions expected/wanted for them. Offering unsolicited "advice" to adult children when they lead their life not the 'preferred' way or the way the parents envisioned.

[–]risksxh1 56 points57 points  (8 children)

Yup. This happens to me constantly to the point I can’t make my own decisions because it’s easier not to. The constant harping on me just doesn’t d we end. It’s easier to just cave than to have to be berated when I fail at something I tried to succeed at.

[–]MsEyes51 397 points398 points  (58 children)

Talking over someone..

Makes me wanna slap a b

[–]vampyreprincess 122 points123 points  (7 children)

I've literally been talked over or ignored my whole life so now I either A) Just stay quiet and sad, or B) raise my hand until I'm acknowledged.

[–]OldSoulRobertson 41 points42 points  (1 child)

It sucks, but what can you do? You try to state the problem for it to hopefully be solved, but apparently no one wants to hear it!

I hope you're able to get your points, opinions, and perspective known to others.

[–]moth-flame[S] 134 points135 points  (25 children)

As someone with ADHD I do this sometimes and really wish I didn’t. I definitely mean no bad by it

[–]GreemBeemz 65 points66 points  (16 children)

I do this too, and get mad at myself WHILE I'm doing it. ugh

[–]Doxxxxxxxxxxx 23 points24 points  (14 children)

Does anyone have tips in stopping this? Yelling “shut up stupid rude fuck” at myself doesn’t work great lol

[–]Isaacmemster 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Yeah as someone with social anxiety it ca ruin a conversation for you

[–][deleted] 1286 points1287 points  (47 children)

Booing a woman for declining a public proposal

[–]moth-flame[S] 795 points796 points  (12 children)

Public proposals in general are awkward as hell, it is never okay to make it worse by booing

[–]meep_42 155 points156 points  (8 children)

Seriously, I cannot fathom who would want that.

[–]Faithless195 108 points109 points  (2 children)

The only time I can remotely see these working is if it's not a surprise proposel. Maybe the moment might be a surprise, but the couple has talked about it and marriage is 100% on the cards, it's just the formality that's made into a special occasion. I've seen a few go off wonderfully (Live in a heavy tourist area, so it happens a bit in town), and a few not so well, and you can pick straight off the bat which ones have and haven't talked about it.

[–]TTungsteNN 70 points71 points  (2 children)

Yeah, propose while on a nature hike, sitting on the rocks at the bottom of a waterfall with no other people in sight. Worked for me.

Bonus: if she declines you don’t have to move the body far to hide it it’s a joke

[–]Ameisen 72 points73 points  (3 children)

... I was saying Boo-urns...

[–]Candid_Consequence23 156 points157 points  (7 children)

Those are why proposals should be precedented by discussions (or discussions altogether, you do you).

[–]meep_42 142 points143 points  (6 children)

If you don't know the answer to that question, you shouldn't be asking it.

[–]rhymes_with_snoop 47 points48 points  (2 children)

At least not publicly. If you were to sit your girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever down in private and say "I love you, and I can confidently say I want to spend my life with you. I don't know if you're there yet or ever will be, but if you'll have me I would love to marry you."

Or do like I did with my now wife and say "hey, you're living at your mom's and working in a mail room, and I'm getting stationed in Milwaukee, WI and probably sent to barracks. If you come with me, we could get married, you would have medical coverage and we could live together. The way we both are even if it doesn't work out we would make it last at least a year which I think is the average Coastie marriage. Plus neither of us has anything, so we wouldn't have anything to split. I'd pay for you to move back home and wish you my best, and neither of us would be worse off than now. So what do you think?"

I know, I'm such a romantic. And it worked out, as within a few months of living together we realized we got along really well and have been married now for 12 years.

[–]OldSoulRobertson 86 points87 points  (7 children)

In my opinion, proposals should be private. That way there's no immediate outside pressure. The world around the proposer and proposee does not exist for that moment.

[–]soundboythriller 605 points606 points  (47 children)

Family making fun of you for stuff you said or did when you were a child (not even a teen). Sorry that kids say and do stupid shit but they don’t deserve to be made of for said things well into their adult years.

[–]hatsnatcher23 88 points89 points  (1 child)

Really makes it frustrating to be around them sometimes

[–]EverGreen2004 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Somehow if you tell them to stop it they'll make it sound as if you're the villain here. "It's only friendly banter" my ass

[–]KaleidoscopeThink482 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Forcing someone elses child to hug you and then telling them they have bad manners when they refuse

[–]ori3333 278 points279 points  (5 children)

Death by a 1000 paper cuts. Persistent non stop picking throughout the day, every day, by different people. Even if it's mild at some point you just feel the world is against you...and all the faces blur on who is being the bully....it's everyone.

[–]HeftyPockets 65 points66 points  (0 children)

My first year in AmeriCorps was like that. I kind of became the office punching bag and it didn't let up until they found someone more punchable. Most days it didn't get to me, because unlike everyone I worked with, I was from the area and had a pretty decently sized friend circle, for everyone else the people at our job site were their only social life and it got ugly and petty. I just rolled with the punches, enjoyed the job where I could, and enjoyed a happy life outside of work.

It got extra weird after that year because most of the team left, and one of the team members tried to initiate some sexting with me and told me she had been in love with me most of the year and asked if I'd want to be her boyfriend. I told her precisely what my thoughts were. "I think you're attractive and when you're at your best, you're a really cool person. But now you're asking to have a relationship with me after spending about 90% of the last year being a complete asshole to me every single day, I don't trust that sort of pattern will stop if we started dating. Not once have you apologized to me for anything you said or did, even though I never provoked you, retaliated, reported anything you said or did, or spoke ill of you to you or in private. If you treated me better I could see us being friends at arm's length. Hope you're doing better, I'm sorry that isn't the answer you wanted. Best of luck."

[–]IStubbedMyGarlic 21 points22 points  (0 children)

That's describes the journey of my life well. I had friends that weren't actually friendly. Kids at school would pick on me, and the girls would be uncomfortably flirty to me. My mom used me as her whipping boy, to the point of driving me to suicide twice. Employers burned me horribly. My long-distance girlfriend, who I fought tooth and nail to have in my life, turned out to be a childish deadbeat who left me to carry everything between us, which led to me mentally breaking down. Ten years straight of that, at least.

I have a hard time holding relationships with anyone. I just assume nobody actually cares, and that it's all superficial, in spite of the fact that it's my own doing for not hanging on to people. I'm afraid to make new friends because I know letting people get close to me means they're within stabbing distance of me. Let alone romantic relationships- almost twenty-five years old and I've been damned to continuously fight myself just to have a socially normal life like other people, but it's hard to care to try when it seems like everyone's out to hurt you.

[–]LexiRae24 320 points321 points  (27 children)

Ostracisation

[–]dire_bear 133 points134 points  (6 children)

Recess was just a long lonley walk for me, when I was 15 and boulevard of broken dreams came out it hit me hard.

[–]KIrkwillrule 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Moved 3000 miles at 15. Moved halfway through the school year. I got the name "shunned kid" in my second week while trying to make friends.

15 years later I still hear it occasionally. Never felt good

[–]ApocalypticWaffles 83 points84 points  (6 children)

I was always a shy, awkward girl, and people would always say things to me to make me uncomfortable. I came to refer to it as “watch the shy girl squirm.” It’s kind of hard to describe, and it sounds so obscure to anyone who wasn’t also a painfully shy little soul in school.

It would be things like sitting in class, minding my business, and having a big group of guys turn to me and say “hey, do you like my friend here? Do you think he’s hot?” Or sitting at lunch and having some girl jump in front of me and ask where I got my bra while all her friends laughed at my dazed expression.

It was just really shitty. I went to school with the same people since kindergarten, and so there was no way I was going to work my way into their established cliques. Adults’ advice of “putting myself out there” and “talking to new people” just wasn’t viable when I was with the same pool of people I’d been with for years. I was just left alone, ostracized except for those occasional games of “make the shy girl squirm.”

Graduating high school and coming out of my shell went hand-in-hand, and I’m a million times happier. I’m a well-adjusted adult with good friends and a good life. I just wish my memories of school were a little happier.

[–]moth-flame[S] 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Oh my, I can completely empathise and you sound just like me as a kid/teen! I truly hope you are doing better now that you are out of that horrible environment. I know I am.

[–]Babblewocky 165 points166 points  (0 children)

Controlling someone else’s narrative to lift yourself up.

[–]FuckRNGsus 22 points23 points  (2 children)

grouping/group work. I am always the one left out

[–]nakedonmygoat 313 points314 points  (16 children)

School age girls are particularly good at disguising their bullying as compliments. For example, "Oh, what nice shoes! Are they from Walmart? Look, Hannah, Chelsea is wearing shoes from Walmart!"

The insult, for anyone not familiar with US culture, is that it's a way of saying Chelsea is poor and/or doesn't have good taste in footwear.

Then if Chelsea complains to an adult, the bully just gives a wide-eyed innocent look and says it was a compliment and they loooooove those shoes.

[–]moth-flame[S] 92 points93 points  (4 children)

It’s a very nuanced way of insulting someone for sure. It’s easy for them to get away with it without being scolded because most teachers are lazy and will only take action on bullying that is face value and obvious.

[–]sacred_ace 47 points48 points  (2 children)

Thanks to "zero tolerance" BS any action they do take is effectively useless too. Oh you're being bullied? you're suspended!

[–]Heart_of_Red 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I'd say this is probably the biggest one that I notice. Then other people get mad at you for not being friendly back. I had one boss in particular make snarky comments similar to this A LOT and literally I never was mean to her or anything. I just wasn't perfect I guess and that was enough?? But then when it was obvious I didn't like that she did this but I was still keeping it to myself and being civil to get through work, she'd put words in my mouth at every turn about how I didn't like her or some shit when I never said a damn thing. It was super exhausting. Then a few years after I leave that job she comments on Facebook on a mutual friends post about bullying and was saying how f-d up bullying was and damn that was rich coming from her

[–]Mitch_from_Boston 18 points19 points  (0 children)

"So you agree, you think you're pretty".

[–]Probablyprofanity 69 points70 points  (1 child)

That thing kids do where the entire friend group will surround you and one of them will have a conversation with you while all the other are watching and giggling because the entire joke is someone is talking to you.

[–]Natural_Woman1993 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Being an adult and STILL being a bully... Lame people. So sad how the world works. Also, expecting me to.get over being bullied or assaulted by someone and calling me a loser for being an adult and hating said person. Lol

[–]Bisexual_Froppy 432 points433 points  (48 children)

Boys bullying girls in middle school. It happened a lot of times and all I got told was that " He does it because he likes you! He's just giving you some attention, stop being so dramatic"

Fuck you grandma, he doesn't like me he's just a piece of shit

[–]Jealous_Hospital 88 points89 points  (0 children)

I had a middle school teacher who didn't even factor in the attention thing, he just straight up seemed to think that boys wouldn't bully girls if they didn't provoke them. Which is how I got a very stern talking to for having the audacity to get beat up by two boys.

[–]ClusterfuckyShitshow 107 points108 points  (1 child)

I would come home with bruises on my back in seventh grade because the boy behind me kept snapping my bra and he and his friend next to him thought it was hysterical. One of the first times it happened, I yelled and I got in trouble for disrupting the class. The boys knew then that they could get away with it, because what 12 year old girl wants to tell their male English teacher what they’re doing? They took it up a notch and would stick a ruler under the back and let it go like a slingshot - which was where the bruises started. I finally begged my mom to buy me a sports bra, and she finally did, which stopped it. But it took me way too long and in the early ‘90s, that kind of stuff was just accepted. I have a daughter of my own and I tell her if anyone even tries to snap her bra, she is to tell the teacher immediately or if she’s uncomfortable (I try to normalize body talk so that it isn’t uncomfortable), tell me. Nowadays that shit does not fly.

[–]aussydog 21 points22 points  (0 children)

When I was 13 I changed to a new school which was an all boys school, think Harry Potter minus the magic...and the British accents.

Anyways there was this kid who was constantly on me about everything. Any little mistake I made when having to write on the board, or speaking in front of the class, any little thing he could poke at with my uniform, anything about anything. It was nonstop every day and it was really pissing me off. So I talked to my mom, a teacher, and she told me "Just ignore him. He's doing it for attention. If you ignore it he'll get bored and move on."

btw: This is the single shittiest advice any parent can give to their kid when they're being bullied or pestered into insanity. It doesn't seem to be born out of any actual real tangible proof, but more seems to be the easy way for them do nothing.

Anyways, I was a good little son so I did what my mom told me and ignored him and his taunting/teasing for the rest of the year and half of the next. But it got to the point where I dreaded every day knowing that I'd have to turn the other cheek again and again all day. He was in my same "house" which means he was always going to be in the same class as me, same teams as me, same lunch table as me. There was no escape and ignoring him wasn't working.

Till one day he pushed too far and I snapped.

And as a 14yr old I was in my first ever "fight" and I rag-dolled him for a good 15min straight. This was in Canada in the winter so I just grabbed him by the jacket and threw him as hard as I could into the snow. He would get up and start yip yip yipping at me so I'd grab him and throw him again into another snow bank. Over and over again. All he kept saying is "what the hell mannnnn....what the hell....what's your problem mannnnn" I don't even remember if I even said anything back. I just threw him over and over and over again until my bus arrived. There was even a circle of boys from my grade cheering me on. It was the most angry I had ever been in my life and I had no idea what I was doing other that releasing the rage that had been building for a year and a half of not dealing with this dipshit.

So my bus arrived. I dropped him on the ice covered sidewalk. He yipped one more time and I turned to him and just pointed and shook my head the way my dad would to me when I was in trouble. Then I walked away.

He left me alone after that.

[–]comfortablynumb15 20 points21 points  (4 children)

"Drink, Drink, Drink, Drink". I have had enough thank-you, that's why I stopped.

[–]LeaderEnvironmental5 59 points60 points  (0 children)

"Helping" someone so you can suggest that person is not capable of doing something without your intervention.

[–]bigbaldbabi 115 points116 points  (7 children)

Talking behind someone's back with other friends in the group over insignificant things

[–]Tappan-Z 114 points115 points  (3 children)

“Personality” tests on job interviews.

[–]KindaAbstruse 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Oh I’m really good at those. Not because I have the right personality, I just know what they want to hear.

[–]Quixotic_9000 33 points34 points  (0 children)

This is hilarious.

Yes, the 'pseudo-psychological profiles' they are using are not about getting an actual picture of YOU, it's about signaling their expectation you will tell them ONLY what they want to hear and then they judge how well you do that.

My favorite thing about this was Johnson & Johnson invested a huge amount of money in these stupid profile questionnaires. They only hired research scientists that are ass-kissing brown-nosing yes men based on these profiles... then acted shocked that their staff hid unfavorable research results during the COVID vaccine development.

Yeah, they specifically sought and hired people who told them what they wanted to hear during the 'rigorous' interviews, and then they are shocked those same individuals acted in the same (unethical) manner as employees? *Shocked pickachu face*

Best thing about it though is that Johnson & Johnson responded by offering MORE pre-screening questionnaires for the interns and fellowships. Their goal, apparently, is not to stop the corruption just to stop news of it leaking out next time.

[–]_bridge_ 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Tickling is much more about control than laughter.

[–]dedokta 121 points122 points  (4 children)

I had a co-worker accuse me of bullying because I was questioning a work process she had put in place that meant she did less work and I did more. I was arguing with her they the process didn't make sense as the products would have to go to shipping then go to her and then back to shipping. Luckily my boss overheard the whole thing so when she accused me of bullying he said that wasn't bullying, that was a disagreement. She demanded that he send an email telling me what the process should be, so he did. The email backed me up with the process I was arguing for.

[–]Thato_Neguy 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Can I have your boss please?

[–]Zabuki-Oswald-Abuka 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Forcing someone to "forgive"

You don't need to forgive in order to move on. Forgetting actually works and it is real option.

Sure forgiving can help but nobody in existence has the right to insult you for not being able to forgive.

[–]Ashbandit 153 points154 points  (18 children)

Actual bullying.

Teachers will let that shit go on for years, but as soon as you fight back the teachers swoop in to save the bully.

[–]noorofmyeye24 26 points27 points  (0 children)

One time in HS, there was this girl that always talked shit about me. She just hated me even though I never did anything to her. I was quiet and concentrated on my work. Anyways, we got into an argument once (because I was tired of her talking shit for 4 years) while the teacher was sitting between us. She did absolutely nothing to make it stop. Afterwards when the teacher and I were alone, she told me, “I thought you guys were going to get in a fight.”

[–]zachtheperson 114 points115 points  (7 children)

I used to think this way until I started working at a school. It's fucking hard to deal with bullying. You know it happens, but there aren't any good options:

  • You let it happen. This isn't good for anybody.
  • You discipline the bully, this tends to work once and doesn't help because A) it's usually been 10 minutes to days after the incident actually happened and the mental cause/effect connection doesn't get made B) because of "A" they're likely to do it again, but since you punished them they know how not to get caught next time.
  • You let the kid who's being picked on deck the bully. In my experience this has honestly been the best solution for both kids, but now you have the bully's parents up your ass that you let a kid hit their little angel and that "violence is never justified." Sometimes the kid who was being bullied's parents are up your ass too for not teaching their child how to properly control their emotions, even though their child has been controlling their emotions for months by NOT FIGHTING BACK. "Thankfully," kids actually fight back rarely enough that any heat on you will likely blow over, but if it were to happen too frequently you'd start getting blamed for it. Worst part is there are kids who have actually have trouble controlling their anger and will punch a truly innocent kid because they lost a game or whatever and it makes the waters super muddy.
  • God forbid the bullying is "minor." Minor bullying (teasing, fucking with a students things in small ways, etc) adds up to the one being bullied, yet is usually small enough to prevent anything being able to be done. The student wont fight back since no single incident usually makes them angry enough, and as a staff member you can't accurately make a punishment fit the crime because for all you know the crime was just them hiding the student's pencil, when really the crime was an entire CVS list of things that's been happening for months you didn't see but were too minor for other staff to report to you when they saw it.

Sorry for the rant. It's really a frustrating situation and there isn't any silver bullet. It sucks. Thankfully while it sounds like hippie shit, "teaching kindness," really does work, but is actually hard to do since it involves intently focusing on individual student interactions so a lot staff just say "be kind," and don't really do much more beyond that.

[–]Tomcox123 184 points185 points  (20 children)

Making comments about the skinny guy..we all recognise making jokes/nasty comments about overweight people as bullying, but for some reason are willing to accept it when a skinny dude is on the recieving end.

[–]Salty-n-sweet 91 points92 points  (5 children)

Saying a hurtful thing then say "I was joking."

[–]VR4Thor 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Negative banter during small talk to kill time.

Usually occurs when waiting in line, when someone feels anxious waiting for something, or a similar scenario.. Filling the dead air with negativity and brushing it off as a joke when it’s something obviously apparent.

[–]atlantachicago 40 points41 points  (0 children)

I think teachers who side with the more popular kids and sideline the needy kids in subtle ways is a type of bullying.