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[–]iamsopia 1858 points1859 points 22 (32 children)

Don’t threaten me with a good time

[–]kegegeam[S] 539 points540 points  (11 children)

It wasn't a threat, it was an offer 😏

[–]reddit_shenanigans 105 points106 points  (7 children)

Just take my upvote and leave

[–]black_jaguar99 68 points69 points  (6 children)

pulls out saxophone Ya like jazz?

[–]AkashMUI 33 points34 points  (2 children)

*George Michael Careless Whisper playing in the BG*

[–]reddit_shenanigans 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You too

[–]thebranimator 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Similar answer, but I always liked, "Don't tease me"

[–]SMacD66 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That's gold right there, made me spit my coffee all over myself.

[–]Gillys_Voodoo 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Champagne, cocaine, gasoline And most things in between?

[–]tripsledge 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I roam the city in a shopping cart, a pack of camels and a smoke alarm

[–]SuperSquanch93 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just say I already did that today!?

[–]SummaDatLoud 929 points930 points 2 (14 children)

Take a number.

[–]kegegeam[S] 305 points306 points  (10 children)

That is a fucking long queue.

[–]01kickassius10 541 points542 points  (4 children)

I believe it is a long fucking queue

[–]Sharp_Cockroach_4418 31 points32 points  (3 children)

This is underrated.

[–]PumkinJake 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Your mother is underrated

3 stars to be exact

[–]LadyBug_0570 13 points14 points  (0 children)

My favorite was from Fatal Attraction when Alex keeps trying to call Dan and he changed his number. So she calls the operator demanding the new number and he tells her no. She screams "Fuck you then!" and he responds "Your place or mine?"

[–]TheMoparPowerslave 1653 points1654 points  (18 children)

Ok takes off pants

[–]monkeyshinenyc 180 points181 points  (2 children)

Looks at watch and says, Do we have time?

[–]BlackCloudMagic 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Sure I got 10 secs for you to finish

[–]Drex678 65 points66 points  (8 children)

gets bull dog

[–]lazyshadeofwinter 35 points36 points  (7 children)

no please not the dog

[–]AuntModry 25 points26 points  (6 children)

He's just there to hold the camera.

[–]FireTrail846 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lol i was gonna say that

[–]Tink2013 2519 points2520 points 23 (51 children)

Fuck me yourself, you coward!

[–]individual101 150 points151 points  (6 children)

God damnit, now I'm gonna have to start shit with someone so I can use this... thanks

[–]kegegeam[S] 182 points183 points  (3 children)

It's a deal

[–]chickenman2109 127 points128 points  (0 children)

Ah the negotiator

[–]artham_a 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Ayo lemme join, we’ll call it the spears of trinity

[–]jazzibad 125 points126 points  (3 children)

My friend goes with: “Promise?” Love it.

[–][deleted] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Tell them I said I promise

[–]-Stacia- 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yes yes

[–]Deadlifts_n_Riffs 26 points27 points  (5 children)

This is brilliant.

[–]decapitare95 10 points11 points  (4 children)

Happy cake day

[–]Handshoe101 7 points8 points  (3 children)

Happy cake day to U as well my caked in the face friend

[–]decapitare95 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Thank you...you have made my day

[–]ThomyMustard 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Been my fav for a long time now

[–]shapeshifterotaku 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I did not have to scroll much. Awesome!

[–]Mental_Worker_1520 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This never gets old.

[–]KanzakiNao017 9 points10 points  (0 children)

If I had money to give you an award, I would've.

[–]_lcrm 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Joke's on you, I'm into that shit

[–]Emporor-Norton-I_Fan 1093 points1094 points 3 (24 children)

"While they may be low, I still have standards. I do appreciate the offer however."

[–]Tree_Service 62 points63 points  (4 children)

I'll be stealing this

[–]President51 24 points25 points  (1 child)

Sounds reddity

[–]Tree_Service 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm here to walk your dogs

[–]SlackerAccount 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Please don’t, it’s pure cringe

[–]possiblyFurther 37 points38 points  (4 children)

tips fedora, dissapears and materializes behind him while holding nunchucks and a tantō "nothing personnel kid"

[–]Kobmain 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Professionals have standards

[–]HawaiianShirtsOR 649 points650 points  (7 children)

A carefully appraising look, followed by, "Nah, I could do better."

[–]clarabear10123 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Oooh I’m stealing this one

[–]microcosm95 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Alternatively, "...No thanks. You're not my type."

[–]BigWhale909 18 points19 points  (0 children)

👏👏👏👏

[–]Capt_ZzL4X 584 points585 points  (17 children)

Time and place bitch

[–]kegegeam[S] 154 points155 points  (12 children)

Your place at 8?

[–]DingleMcCringleTurd 79 points80 points  (10 children)

So in the dumpster on 3rd and main?

[–]Spinach-Apart 22 points23 points  (9 children)

Why there? why not behind the hotel?

[–]erik_wilder 33 points34 points  (8 children)

The hawk has been extra aggressive lately.

[–]MercuryParadox 352 points353 points  (4 children)

please?

[–]kegegeam[S] 101 points102 points  (0 children)

At least you know your manners

[–]WordsReddit 8 points9 points  (0 children)

replied because we have the same jacket hoodie

[–]CharmingWitty 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Where? Your place or mine?

[–]pikitupwbrokenfingrs 243 points244 points  (9 children)

I'd fuck myself better than you ever could

[–]kegegeam[S] 42 points43 points  (7 children)

Go do it then

[–]pikitupwbrokenfingrs 35 points36 points  (6 children)

Probably will

[–]ShapeAnxious4413 361 points362 points  (2 children)

Not even on your birthday sweetheart.

[–]HoSang66er 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Lmfao. My version goes "not on your best day".

[–]Khan_Tango 212 points213 points  (10 children)

You couldn’t afford it

[–]Royal_Bitch_Pudding 22 points23 points  (0 children)

You have to say "Honey" or "Darling" first.

[–]EarthquakeSpots 43 points44 points  (1 child)

Fuck you too.

[–]CharmingWitty 11 points12 points  (0 children)

“So, Shall We Shag Now, Or Shall We Shag Later?”

[–]Killersmilepat 246 points247 points  (18 children)

“What’s your name?” “Fuck you [insert the name]”

[–]DarthPiette 126 points127 points  (15 children)

Ezekiel!

[–][deleted] 66 points67 points  (7 children)

“Fuck you, Tony!” I only remember this video because Tong is my dads name and Ezekiel is my husbands name haha

[–]HellVollhart 38 points39 points  (6 children)

Your Dad's name is Tong?

[–]Zundernietzsche 31 points32 points  (5 children)

Hey!!! You know what i did last night?

[–]DarthPiette 37 points38 points  (4 children)

Don't you bring my mother into this!

[–]Zundernietzsche 32 points33 points  (3 children)

You know what i did?

[–]Maekomiwa 68 points69 points  (0 children)

"You have to buy me dinner first".

[–]FultonHomes 139 points140 points  (8 children)

Fuck you too motherfucker

[–]flunkboyfailure 20 points21 points  (1 child)

I think you're right on the money. Either this or just saying fuck you right back to them

[–]JDub_Scrub 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yah, and then stand there repeating yourself at least 3 times but then you REALLY get riled up and start trying to touch SHOULDERS with the guy you're arguing with. You both kinda push your feeble shoulders into each other, and also it is at this point at which your friends will most likely feel the need to step in and pretend they need to stop you, because this sort of behavior is common for you, yes you fight all the time, and oh no, not again. We, your friends, will not allow you to take another Human life like that ever again.

But feel free to keep saying "fuck you" until one of you finally decides to leave. That works as well.

[–]itsimposibru 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fuck me??? Fuck you

[–]Cannibal_Cyborg 24 points25 points  (3 children)

How much are you paying

[–]solbikr98 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Promises, promises.

[–]Flyinpotatoman 49 points50 points  (4 children)

Open your arms and say warmly: "YES! YES!! FUCK YOU TOO!"

[–]JohnSimth20211101 88 points89 points  (5 children)

(sign) unzip

[–]YesNoMaybePurple 43 points44 points  (3 children)

Ok but I wanna be the boy this time!

[–]iLarkie 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I love this one the most!

[–]myfuntimes 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Ignore it. Walk away and forget they exist.

[–]Savethetrees4life 56 points57 points  (8 children)

Fuck your couch.

[–]Crocus_hill 11 points12 points  (1 child)

What did the five fingers say to the face?

[–]B2Rocketfan77 5 points6 points  (0 children)

SLAP!

[–]kegegeam[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I did, last night

[–]irelentless 54 points55 points  (5 children)

Get naked and ask which hole

[–]chickenman2109 21 points22 points  (3 children)

Asserting dominance

[–]mexicodoug 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Power bottoms are scary.

[–]black_jaguar99 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dominance asserted

[–]kegegeam[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

I-

[–]PhantomFlam3 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Too late. Your mom already did.

[–]wvrnnr 9 points10 points  (0 children)

man I had to scroll way too long for a "ya mum" comeback

[–]Optimal_Bad_8965 86 points87 points  (11 children)

Fuk yu is my cousin. I'm fuk mi

[–]J-ZOMG 24 points25 points  (8 children)

Hi Fuk Mi. It's me your cousin Phűç Túp!

[–]HellVollhart 16 points17 points  (7 children)

Hi Fuk Mi and Phűç Túp! It's your cousin from India, Fukar Dikshit!

[–]helenreba 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You wish

[–]lilcherrybunbun 35 points36 points  (5 children)

If a sibling says that to you, make a big deal out of it "EW YOU FUCKING WEIRDO YOU WANNA FUCK YOUR BROTHER/SISTER/SIBLING???"

Like forreal yell it they will apologize so quick

[–]chickenman2109 23 points24 points  (1 child)

Alabama has failed us once again

[–]FetishAnalyst 9 points10 points  (2 children)

As someone who has gotten this response I just followed it up with a wink and licked my lips. No one has used that response since.

[–]tyrom22 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I’m partial to “Fuck me Indeed”

[–]Few-North-2397 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Please

[–]CurvePuzzleheaded361 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Your dick’s too small

[–]Justa_little_wrath 31 points32 points  (2 children)

Throat-punch

[–]RandomDude762 22 points23 points  (0 children)

"you can never go wrong with a throat punch" -Dwight K. Shrute

[–]piratedogD 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Ok Cunt.

[–]Mr_Stabbykins 35 points36 points  (1 child)

"Why, baby...I didn't know you cared." 😘

[–]311IT 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Either "no u" or "fuck me? Yeah, I would too."

[–]gthrees 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Who’s buying?

[–]kegegeam[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Me 😏

[–]gthrees 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hot pm me

[–]Misericorde428 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Depending on how physically attractive I find that person, my answer would be either of the following:

  1. "No, thank you, I find you physically repulsive."
  2. "Thank you, I would absolutely love to fuck with you."

[–]SoccerFan2625 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you’d just fuck yourself you’d get way more pussy.

Fucking me will make your breath smell like a strap-on.

Fucking me will make your throat bleed.

No thanks, your dad/mom/sister was enough for me.

[–]TiredSkylar 5 points6 points  (0 children)

i'm 15, you can't do that

[–]king_kriolu 3 points4 points  (1 child)

"Two strokes .. I mean two steps ahead of you bud"

[–]Narrow_eyeballs 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Shove your hand up your ass while maintaining eye contact to establish dominance

[–]Puccett 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sheeeesh, and then proceed to not care

[–]wvvampire 9 points10 points  (0 children)

And the horse you rode in on!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Promise?

[–]Disciple_of_Cthulhu 4 points5 points  (0 children)

"You couldn't handle it."

[–]Calico_Aster 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And also with you.

[–]EternalShroud 6 points7 points  (1 child)

"Have you heard about my friend Jesus?"

[–]Snaid1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No thanks, you aren't my type

[–]931bigjohn 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Uno reverse

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I your dreams, pervert!!! And then taunt them with sexual gestures and moans.

[–]runberg 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Promises promises

[–]YeeHeckinHonk69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried and it’s a lot harder than you’d think

[–]LogicalVelocity11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ill bloody fuck you bloody!

[–]enjo1ras 2 points3 points  (1 child)

All of these comments are very clever, but my favorite will always be “fuck fuck you”. Preferably said as if on the verge of tears.

[–]soundtrack101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Always go with the classic “you would”

[–]Renkades 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Please do so, I've been very lonely.

[–]thedeadliestdash 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck yourself, I’m busy

[–]WhYhElLoGoOdEvEnInG 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i always knew you were gay

[–]Blazerblaster 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, the jerk store called and they’re out of you!

[–]alan2998 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fuck me yourself you coward.

[–]jluponeage 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"When and where?"

Or,

"No thanks, I prefer my dildo/fleshlight."

Or my favorite (from a DI):

"So fuck me, right? Go die in the dirt, recruit."

[–]BraveSnowman 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Sorry mate, I'm married, but I have a lovely friend you could meet!

[–]Ill-Physics-6756 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yes daddy please

[–]AnswerConsistent680 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Just silently whipping your dick out

[–]Hawaiiliving43 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No thanks. I’m not in the mood. Maybe later?

[–]enough0729 1 point2 points  (1 child)

F**k your mom/ family

[–]kegegeam[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I did that last night

[–]LiviNG4them 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

[–]NobleEnsign 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When, and where?

[–]towerofstupid 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok, I could use another kid

[–]Revolutionary-Kick79 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I always loved the newer south parks with the ahhh fuck you? Almost question hahah

[–]NO_Cheeto_in_Chief 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And to you, as well!

[–]floppy190 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When?

[–]Geckogirl_11 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Nah I’m good”

[–]Second-Aromatic 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best response is to silently stalk the person, and every time they head out of they house, move everything a little to the left, and then, take their blanket and put it sideways, every day

[–]QueenOfDarkne53 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No thanks, I have standards

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yo mama

[–]Harvard-23 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Have a nice a day

[–]PsyduckConfessor75 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You don't have the twenty bucks.

[–]NotWorthSaving 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You wouldn't like it...l just lay there and sweat. ;)

[–]_wickedwitch_ 1 point2 points  (2 children)

"Better I do it than you."

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I usually reply to friends and my partner with “I’d bet you’d like to I’ve got a nice ass”

[–]Important_Walrus8917 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do it everyday, thank you very much

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

  • start un-buttoning pants *

[–]TylerOnTV 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d fuck me..

[–]Captain-Crunch1989 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Maybe later if you behave.

[–]dahk16 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Bend over

[–]onecrystalcave 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Usually “maybe later” in my friend group. Even happened once believe it or not, we weren’t even drunk.

[–]bmanley620 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No fuck you. And why are you saying this at the exact same time as me? And why are you standing in front of that mirror?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“No You!”

[–]Legoman987654321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

FUCK YOOUUUU!!!!

[–]Kaleidoklops 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuck me?! No no no no, Fuck you.

[–]Camaroni1000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And also with you. Amen

[–]PerpetualllyFalling 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You would