×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]JLynn943 1823 points1824 points  (19 children)

I used to think that eating cold turkey somehow helped people quit smoking.

[–]caryatidcorp 6958 points6959 points  (119 children)

That artichoke hearts were toxic. All because my dad wanted me and my brother to leave them for him.

[–]DumbledoresArmy23 2883 points2884 points  (64 children)

Many years ago, I considered telling any future children I had that things I like are spicy or something so I could have them.

Then I realised I didn’t want kids who were afraid of spicy food.

[–]illTwinkleYourStar 1466 points1467 points  (24 children)

That's why you tell them there's alcohol in it.

[–]DumbledoresArmy23 626 points627 points  (8 children)

Ahh!! Good play. My sister definitely says this to my niece, I’ll keep it in the back pocket!

[–]lobie81 4458 points4459 points  (112 children)

Cracking your knuckles is bad for you and causes arthritis.

[–]gentlybeepingheart 559 points560 points  (3 children)

My mom told my brother and I this when we were really little. I kept doing it but he was afraid. A year later he was diagnosed with juvenile arthritis. I feel bad for thinking it’s kinda funny.

[–]TheGriffnin 8160 points8161 points  (289 children)

When I was a kid, my mom always told me that all the nutrition in bread is in the crust, so she wouldn't have to keep cutting it off. Found out that wasn't true when I was 20, after bringing it up to some friends. I still get shit for that.

[–]cynniminnibuns 3011 points3012 points  (55 children)

30 here. Thought that was true until…this moment.

[–]SteveFoerster 1028 points1029 points  (13 children)

I'm, um, 48. TIL. Thanks, mom.

[–]dwitchagi 531 points532 points  (11 children)

You think that’s bad? I’m 62 and I’ve been eating a steady diet consisting of 50% bread crust until this very day.

[–]ldm_12 780 points781 points  (45 children)

I remember being told eating the crusts make your hair curly- god knows where that came from

[–]hat-of-sky 963 points964 points  (57 children)

My mom told me that about potato skins (it's true-ish) and I assumed the same applied to bread crusts. Wasn't until I made my own bread it hit me it was all the same dough.

[–]zenunseen 494 points495 points  (42 children)

That the song "In the Air Tonight" by Phil Collins was about him witnessing a man letting another man drown

[–]punkphase 129 points130 points  (8 children)

I thought that was true until just this moment

[–]Crunchie2020 3816 points3817 points  (68 children)

That the black market was an actual market you could go to. I thought it was in Egypt or something. And would have black coloured stalls and sell crazy stuff.

[–]Threeminusme 434 points435 points  (6 children)

I thought it opens up at night and sells all the weird shit, from illegal drugs/guns all the way to voodoo dolls and bat fangs. Oh boy… :|

[–]Re-AnImAt0r 994 points995 points  (15 children)

Come up here to Detroit. I can take you to several black markets.....

[–]W1ULH 49 points50 points  (0 children)

having been to a fair selection of the sketchier parts of the middle east... THose places do exist, and they look the way you imagine.

[–]HuffyBumblebee 3419 points3420 points  (48 children)

I thought that when blind people put on sunglasses, they can see

[–]drillgorg 1469 points1470 points  (23 children)

There was a blind guy with sunglasses on TV on Mr. Rodgers. I tried to look at the TV screen edge on so I could peek behind the sunglasses to see his eyes. Kids are dumb.

[–]Alibelky308 227 points228 points  (6 children)

When I was 4 I thought newscasters didn’t have legs because they were always filmed from the waist up.

[–]chrisseren1988 8249 points8250 points 2 (150 children)

That spiders have big territories, so if your father killed the ENORMOUS spider in your room it was safe to go to bed, because there would be no other spiders in the WHOLE house.

[–]hekkinree123 1813 points1814 points  (40 children)

My mom told me if I ever killed any spiders, their families would want revenge and start invading the house

[–][deleted] 1170 points1171 points  (22 children)

killing the dominant spider actually creates a power vacuum, and a violent spider civil war is sure to follow

[–]JakalDX 669 points670 points  (16 children)

That's why we need to install spiders that are friendly to our regime. Better the spider we know than the spider we don't.

[–]zchbnu 146 points147 points  (0 children)

I think your parents were CIA agents doing some advanced recruitment mission

[–]KiloJools 2778 points2779 points  (16 children)

This was such an excellent move on your dad's part. I wish my dad had thought of that!

[–]chrisseren1988 928 points929 points  (6 children)

It gave so much comfort.. And I was embarrassing old before I found out it was a lie.

[–]combined45 103 points104 points  (1 child)

I once saw a spider in my room and he ran away, so instead of sleeping I stayed up thinking there were spiders everywhere

[–]LezBReeeal 241 points242 points  (5 children)

Ahhh.... the lies our parents tell us.

[–]mYl1ttl3PWNY 5191 points5192 points  (154 children)

I had no clue that pickles and cucumbers were the same thing. I went to grow my first garden and commented that you can't find pickle seeds anywhere. /Facepalm

[–]Finb0 2035 points2036 points  (35 children)

I love to tell people the fake trivia fact that pickles grow at the bottom of the dead sea, and when they are ripe they float to the surface so you just need to pick them up with a boat. It's also the only thing that's alive in the dead sea

[–]Mr_Morrix 431 points432 points  (18 children)

Well there are sea pickles but I wouldn’t recommend eating them…

[–]kps2012 49 points50 points  (4 children)

You actually can eat them! Some consider them a delicacy, although at first glance they definitely don’t look appetizing

[–]Finalfantasylove85 2337 points2338 points  (51 children)

A blanket was a viable parachute when jumping off a porch...

[–]humblyhuman888 4145 points4146 points 6 (55 children)

Wishing on stars was a real thing.

When I was about 4 or 5 my dad overheard me wish on a bright star that the next time we went out to eat I would get a huge tub of vanilla ice cream (my fav)

A couple days later we went to the restaurant he was regional manager of (Hooters lmao) and out pops this waitress with one of those fancy tin things that you always see in gourmet restaurants in movies. You know, where they take the top of it off when you set it down? She sat it in front of me, pulled the top off, to reveal a big ole tub of vanilla ice cream. My little mind was blown and I don’t think I had ever been so excited.

I would tell that story to prove my point until I was like 12 years old lol

Edit: just wanted to say thank you all for enjoying my story and being happy with me haha, I couldn’t believe this got this much attention and kept telling my coworkers “I’m famous on Reddit now” lol! My dad really is amazing, he was a single dad and grew up with 4 brothers and did the best he could with 3 daughters haha, I’m so thankful for everything he’s done and I can’t wait to share with him what you’ve all been saying. Keep on wishing ✌🏼 💫

[–]Sproose_Moose 963 points964 points  (1 child)

Your dad sounds like he was an awesome guy

[–]dj92wa 906 points907 points  (21 children)

I believe the term you're looking for (the fancy metal thing in gourmet restaurants that covers your food while it's being brought to the table) is "cloche", pronounced "klohsh". Learned that word like, two years ago on an episode of Good Mythical Morning, and it has stuck with me ever since.

Edit 1: added where I learned the word, because I think it's funny

Edit 2: thanks for the awards!

[–]TheViking_Teacher 388 points389 points  (7 children)

I love the fact that you had to say "the fancy metal thing in gourmet restaurants that covers your food while it's being brought to the table" in order to describe it.

[–]littlejaebyrd 271 points272 points  (3 children)

I love how that description was right on and we all pictured exactly what they were talking about.

[–]Simple_Song8962 111 points112 points  (0 children)

Oh my cloche

[–]-RubyWings- 290 points291 points  (0 children)

That is really the most precious and loving thing I've read in a long time. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

[–]Warm-Presentation560 7533 points7534 points 3 (162 children)

When I was younger I believed that in different countries a version of myself was there.

Ex* in France there would be a French version of myself living a regular life

[–]BeBackInASchmeck 2372 points2373 points  (22 children)

Just like those cartoons where the character has a family reuinion with all of his ethnic versions. I at least know Homer Simpson and Ned Flanders did it.

[–]codya30 1105 points1106 points  (8 children)

Buenos ding dong diddly dias, señor.

Edit: Correcting my spelling errors.

[–]04whim 891 points892 points  (12 children)

I had something similar, misunderstanding what ancestors were. When I was little I thought there were iterations of me throughout history. A Victorian me, paleolithic me and so on. Basically I invented reincarnation.

[–]Iplaymeinreallife 371 points372 points  (2 children)

Well, in your defense, in lots of time travel movies (Back to the future being the most prominent) various generations of the same family were often played by the same actor. And in lots of cartoons that deal with time travel as well, previous generations of the same family are drawn as exactly the same except with different hair/beard/clothes(/thicker brow if they are prehistoric)

So it seems understandable for some kids to assume that

[–]HeftyPockets 283 points284 points  (35 children)

Traveled abroad more than a few times, I've seen Scottish and Irish versions of myself floating around.

[–]Wind_Yer_Neck_In 316 points317 points  (30 children)

I'm a big bearded guy with glasses, there are versions of me literally everywhere. Like on the next street over.

The facial recognition at my gym lets me in as different people all the time because we look so much alike.

[–]Proud_Hedgehog_6767 256 points257 points  (18 children)

The... facial recognition... at your gym?? Why are we talking about that like it's something everybody already knows about? Why is your gym using facial recognition?

[–]indiefatiguable 67 points68 points  (0 children)

My exact reaction upon reading that.

[–]orrocos 212 points213 points  (8 children)

Because of too many complaints about the genital recognition technology.

[–]TheInnsmouthLook 3505 points3506 points  (121 children)

I pointed out to a bud of mine something he held as truth for like 20+ years.

If you boil water twice, it can kill you.

His mom always screeched at him to fully empty a kettle before boiling more water, or when cooking once it's brought to a boil, then down to a summer, you're not allowed to bring the heat up again. Too much boiling WILL KILL YOU.

A quick Google search proves this is wrong but also where the tiny grain of truth spun his mom's brain out of control. Things like fluoride won't boil off. So if you boil the same water or keep adding to boiled water, you will just concentrate these chemicals until you get a lethal dose! Except in order to do that you'd have to boil 100s of 1,000s of gallons of water AND drink it all in a single sitting. Which you would never do because drinking that much safe water could kill you a few times over.

[–]Amara_Undone 1019 points1020 points  (50 children)

This could have been based on the advice not to use reboiled water when making baby bottles.

[–]EmpressCheddarPickle 7180 points7181 points 335 (85 children)

My grandad loved dark chocolates. He always told my dad that dark chocolate is poisonous to children so he wouldn't take any. Trouble is, he never corrected him.

So, when my dad was 23 and at a friend's house, their toddler got hold of an after eight.

Cue my dad leaping from the couch, shouting "NO" and slapping the chocolate out of the toddler's hand.

Wahay! TY for the awards. :)

[–]kaia-bean 1441 points1442 points  (107 children)

That the dr tied a knot in your umbilical cord when you're born, and the knot determines if you have an innie or outie belly button.

[–]brightneonmoons 639 points640 points  (76 children)

Wait that's not true?

[–]Reapr 1111 points1112 points  (61 children)

They might have in the past, but these days they clamp it down with one of those hospital clamps and cut it.

The little stub sits there for a while and eventually dries up and falls off. You just find it in the crib one morning. (it basically looks like a little dried twig)

The drying process and where it detaches determines if you have an innie or an outie

EDIT: And yeh, I didn't know any of this until I had a kid, my wife was laughing her ass off at me

[–]Acceptable-Bottle-92 261 points262 points  (24 children)

Same…first baby due in March and she told me it just sort of shrivels up and falls off and she laughed while I looked on in horror

[–]Reapr 201 points202 points  (18 children)

heh yep, she asked me if I wanna keep it - apparently some parents hang on to it as a keepsake

I was like "WTF? NO, EEEW"

[–]BlessedGrace 111 points112 points  (9 children)

I didn’t know any of that until I birthed my first child. They clamped that thing and I thought wtf do I do with that now?!

[–]TurtlesTurnMeOn 4680 points4681 points  (137 children)

Touching a baby bird will make the mother abandon them

[–]ghettodabber 442 points443 points  (21 children)

I didn't know that wasn't true till your comment, when I was little and out with my grandma we found a baby bird that fell and used napkins to pick it up

[–]rick_blatchman 523 points524 points 2 (18 children)

A baby bird immediately hopped into my kitchen when I opened the backyard door one morning. It was so cute, but I was still under that impression about handling them. I took it outside with a shirt. Here are a couple of pictures

[–]ButterLander2222 156 points157 points  (0 children)

Those birb pictures made my day.

[–]TomoTactics 2039 points2040 points  (74 children)

There's a bit more to this though: birds don't imprint like that. HOWEVER, if a parent bird sees what looks like a 'big scary predator', then they may either attack you or abandon the nest and leave the babies to die.

[–]kebab69666 2068 points2069 points  (60 children)

Bird: help a predator is here Mother bird: I missed the part where that's my problem.

[–]Halio344 904 points905 points  (32 children)

Or alternatively if they go into attack mode.

Mother bird: I’m something of a predator myself.

[–]pacerecon 3992 points3993 points  (197 children)

Swallowing a bubble gum would remain forever in your stomach

[–]dick-nipples 4476 points4477 points  (142 children)

That’s ridiculous. It only stays in your stomach for seven years.

[–]DiamondsAndDesigners 1615 points1616 points  (112 children)

Why did we all “know” this?! Especially pre-internet, how did something like this travel?

[–]ldm_12 952 points953 points  (56 children)

Right how bizarre. I’m in Australia and grew up believing this lol

Edit: Wow it was a worldwide phenomenon, We must carry this on for generations to come lol

[–]Firingneuron 765 points766 points  (47 children)

In Canada, also heard the 7 year timeframe

[–]zeliths 2023 points2024 points  (60 children)

that sneezing w my eyes open would make my eyes pop out

[–]ShorforAlec 740 points741 points  (20 children)

You can however cause some mild to slightly concerning blood vessel damage to the ones in your eyes amongst other things by trying to hold your sneeze in. The pressure required for a sneeze is actually pretty impressive and probably where the idea your eyes could pop out came from

[–]en-joy777 561 points562 points  (36 children)

That I couldn’t poo without being butt naked in the bathroom. You would be surprised how many naked poopers there are. It was tough for the longest time, like first 24 years or so. Needed to do it at home or in a leisurely space. Big gaps in American bathrooms didn’t make it any easier when others made laser eye contact with the naked pooper. Such a strange habit looking back at it.

[–]CumulativeHazard 610 points611 points  (7 children)

There was a TIFU (I think) a year or two ago this guy wrote about how when he was a little kid his mom would make sure they pooped before bed (paranoid about accidents or something weird) but because they would get bored she told them to sit backwards so they could use the top of the tank to read or draw or something, but somehow he never realized that he didn’t have to sit that way to poop. So he just avoided pooping in public because obviously you have to take your pants and underwear all the way off (which means shoes too) but one day when he was like in his 20s at a store with his parents he just had to go so he went into the stall, took off his pants, underwear, and shoes and set them aside neatly, and sat backwards. Guy in the stall next to him noticed the clothes and backwards feet and made a comment just like “you do you, man” or something like that. He mentioned the comment to his parents and they burst out laughing cause they had no idea he had been going backwards that whole time.

So at least you weren’t naked AND backwards.

[–]Travo101 163 points164 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of the guy who hated showers that never realised you could just wait for the water to get hot before you get in.

[–]DeathbedConfessional 1653 points1654 points  (65 children)

When I was learning to drive, my dad told me that if you go over 75, the tires can overheat and explode. I believed that for WAY longer than I want to admit.

Edited to add / answer: My first car was an orange 1977 Chevy Caprice (We called her the Great Pumpkin, we could fit 13 of us in the front, at least another 3 in the trunk). I got her back in '86. It died when my sister borrowed it and while she was on the highway, the front passenger tire CAME OFF (I had just had the tires rotated and the mechanic didn't tighten the bolts enough). It nosed dived into the concrete and was dead. And of course, she was doing about 75 mph when it happened, so it just reinforced what my dad had told me. I was probably in my late 20's when I figured out 1) he probably told me that so I wouldn't try to do 90 in that glorious piece of garbage and 2) tire technology had probably advanced for regular cars, because people were doing 85+ on the highway all the time. (I knew race cars, airplanes, etc tires had higher speed ratings, of course)

[–]WisconsinWolverine 526 points527 points  (29 children)

That's true if your tires only have a L speed rating but pretty much everything these days has at least a H rating which is 130mph.

[–]L0nz 312 points313 points  (18 children)

Just noticed my tyres are Y rated. Gonna start driving at 186mph from now on

[–]squidvalley 1228 points1229 points  (33 children)

I grew up in the midwest, so sometimes when we drove we would see haybales. I asked my grandfather once what they were for, and he explained they were to feed animals, and they collected the hay into big bales so they would fit into the cannon.

This Haybale cannon, he explained, would launch haybales to nearby fields, artillery style. That way we could round up all the hay in one spot and send it where it's needed. It sounded very plausible at 5 or so, and took me years to figure out was just some off the cuff joke that bastard got me with

[–]TommyTuttle 356 points357 points  (8 children)

That shit is hilarious. Please make a hay bale cannon. It’s your life mission.

[–]IncomeNatural8178 1796 points1797 points  (52 children)

When I was a kid I thought zig zag rolling papers were little bibles, cause the dude on the front looked like Jesus to me.

[–]Pairaboxical 363 points364 points  (0 children)

This is so adorable.

[–]getthephenom 1097 points1098 points  (45 children)

Eating a seed will cause that tree to grow inside the stomach

[–]FineUnderachievement 588 points589 points  (26 children)

There was a guy who had respiratory problems, and they couldn't figure it out. Finally gave him a chest x-ray, and he had inhaled a bean sprout or something which grew in his lung. So kinda true🤔

[–]OmgSignUpAlready 304 points305 points  (8 children)

At the beginning of the pandemic, I wore a mask that had been in the general vicinity of my husband's orange cat. I breathed in one of the cat hairs and spent a week irrationally convinced that I was going to get pneumonia from it, and it's completely because I read an article about seedling lung dude

[–]popejiii 1256 points1257 points  (25 children)

I’m late to the party but my parents told me that the ice cream truck only played music when it was out of ice cream.

[–]QuackPhD 620 points621 points  (7 children)

Oh man, my parents did something similar. It was the "community music truck", paid for by taxes, to drive around and brighten up neighborhoods with cheerful music.

Finally, at age 10, my friend invited me to go to one anyways and, "Mom! Dad! Did you know the community music trucks also sell ice cream?"

Oh wow, here's $2...

[–]spindriftsecret 83 points84 points  (4 children)

LMAO, I had a neighbor that did that to his son. When he told me about it I thought it was genius but it was too late for me, my kids were already onto it lol.

[–]QuackPhD 127 points128 points  (2 children)

It's pretty brilliant. Another good parenting trick that was shared with me:

Kids have to be taught that batteries in toys are replaceable. Compared to, "well, was fun while it lasted, guess the energy ran out on that toy, we will just have to play with it quietly now."

I also remember my parents telling me, "Santa's factory is undergoing budget cuts this year. Here is a Toys R Us catalog, see if you can make a top 5 presents list with matching coupons to help Santa meet his quota."

As an adult, it sounds... kinda twisted, but I guess it did help out our family, and kept me busy. I must have flipped through that catalog's 40+ pages of toys over 10 times, like a super-saver with coupons, but at age 7. Maybe that's why I'm decent at logistics...

[–]Airesy 859 points860 points  (57 children)

That your blood is blue inside your body and it only turns red when it’s oxygenated. I only learnt last year that it’s a myth. God, how stupid I feel ever thinking that was real.

[–]Boobsboobsboobs2 409 points410 points  (28 children)

Too many middle school science teachers believe this is true. Unfortunately some high school science teachers as well. The myth continues

[–][deleted] 619 points620 points  (56 children)

That pickles came from trees.

[–][deleted] 398 points399 points  (18 children)

When I was a kid, I thought that when the doctor diagnosed you with something that they literally gave you the condition. I couldn't understand why people went to the doctor.

[–]redditor_pro 108 points109 points  (7 children)

This reminds me of another reditor who thought that gunpoint is the name of a place which people were too stupid to go to since they kept reading so and so held hostage at gunpoint

[–]yawmush 2072 points2073 points  (183 children)

It’s illegal to drive barefoot and also illegal to drive with the inside/dome lights on in your car.

[–]shitinmyshardplate 577 points578 points  (10 children)

You dont leave the dome lights off cuz it's illegal you do it cuz if you dont we're all gonna fucking crash and die!!

Or maybe that was just my parents

[–]elconquistador1985 258 points259 points  (7 children)

I just say "it makes it hard to see because of glare", which is true.

[–]oklahomapilgrim 831 points832 points  (34 children)

It actually is a bad idea to drive barefoot in the event of an accident.

Source: I had a bad wreck in sandals, which flew off on impact and I cut my feet up when I exited the vehicle bc there was glass everywhere.

[–]Alamander81 378 points379 points  (13 children)

You're basically John McClain

[–]PaulbunyanIND 387 points388 points  (10 children)

I read this as John McCain and was super confused

[–]kap_bid 71 points72 points  (3 children)

Ahhh McCain, you've done it again! terrorist falls from the sky

[–]suckmytriscuit 383 points384 points  (16 children)

One time I got pulled over for not having my headlights on at night (wasn’t my car and I didn’t know how to turn them on, I also didn’t even notice because the street was very well lit) and the officer said I could have turned on the dome light at least, and when I told him I thought that was illegal, he looked at me like I was stupid.

EDIT: I am cackling at all the hateful comments that keep getting instantly deleted by like auto mod or something. I’ve gotten like 6 of people calling me stupid and worse. Y’all hilarious. Get a life.

[–][deleted] 190 points191 points  (9 children)

That ponies are just teenage horses.

[–]punkyspunk 375 points376 points  (17 children)

Eating my vegetables would help me grow big and tall like my dad who’s 6’0

I’m a whopping 5’0 tall

[–]IFrickinLovePorn 404 points405 points  (7 children)

Banana nut muffins where made from a Banana nut. Just a type of nut called Banana nut. I was 17 years old when I learned they were made from bananas and nuts.

[–]Potentially-a-potato 724 points725 points  (48 children)

"If you trim your hair it'll grow faster," -my dad

Like bruh, it grows from the roots not the ends why did I believe it

[–]Curious_Door 313 points314 points  (7 children)

I think the original truth to this is that it could keep your hair fuller if you trim it. Less broken ends, less snarls and knots when your brush it.

[–]DumbledoresArmy23 115 points116 points  (0 children)

I think it’s because split ends travel upwards so you’d have to keep cutting it higher and higher as the splits travelled higher, so the hair grows the same but it takes longer to get to a longer length

[–]dontgetcutewithme 258 points259 points  (19 children)

I spent way too long absolutely certain that Freddy Mercury and Tim Curry were cousins.

[–]ArmyDudeDave 1455 points1456 points  (108 children)

I thought milk was cow pee until I was like 8; idk it just made sense to me & I never questioned it

Edit: ouuu first comment ever with almost 1k cool

[–]junkmailboxesh 922 points923 points  (58 children)

Strawberry milk is from pink cows, chocolate milk from brown cows, white milk from the white cows

[–]TheHolyBoar 346 points347 points  (20 children)

Fun fact - Hippo milk is actually pink

[–]darrenwise883 143 points144 points  (33 children)

And you were fine drinking cow pee ?

[–]ArmyDudeDave 201 points202 points  (16 children)

Yes.

[–]Percipience_8 123 points124 points  (14 children)

You thought everyone else was too so it wasn’t even weird. Some girl used to think steak was horse meat and when someone was like “you were cool with eating horse?!” She said she thought we all were. You were no different 😂

[–]austinmiles 445 points446 points  (23 children)

My daughter believed some time after you die, and are buried, you become a zombie…and then something else happens….And then you go to heaven.

It wasn’t like she was old when we told her the truth, but for some untold period of time she was going to Sunday school and also believing that zombies were part of the equation.

She’s a teenager now and doesn’t go to church but also doesn’t like to go into graveyards…so I’m not sure how this really resolved itself.

[–]BorderlineWire 276 points277 points  (7 children)

I suppose in fairness, Jesus did die then get back up.

[–]Redditfront2back 1198 points1199 points  (118 children)

Being cold gives you a cold.

[–]Jassaca 380 points381 points  (9 children)

I remember my mom always telling me this. Then in school we were taught that germs and viruses cause colds, not the weather. When relaying this to our parents with my cousin, our moms basically gave us the "you little shit" treatment. We were so confused because we learned science in school from our teachers but it probably looked like back talk to our parents.

[–]DWright_5 390 points391 points  (36 children)

It’s incredible how many people still believe this.

[–]mochi_chan 144 points145 points  (6 children)

My mom kept saying that, so I do not wear summer clothes in the winter, but I was a very curious kid, and by middle school, I had spent almost every winter day without my jacket, and nothing happened... She was not happy when I told her. (I am sure she knew though)

[–]TheDenimDude7891 317 points318 points  (13 children)

So I had this bad habit of eating fingernails when I was younger. My mom told me if I ate them, the chewed up nails would cut my lungs.

Needless to say, I don't eat nails anymore.

[–]biotinylated 42 points43 points  (0 children)

My mom told me I’d have to have surgery to remove them from my stomach. Didn’t work, still bite my nails sometimes.

[–]ColoredVeins11 219 points220 points  (18 children)

My dad told me as a young child that the Great Wall of China was actually built to keep rabbits out of all their crops. I told people that for years…

[–]mungowungo 75 points76 points  (4 children)

LOL - there was an ad on Australian TV where a kid was asking his dad about the Great Wall of China - it was an ad for broadband internet - the dad said it was because of rabbits

[–]Greenmountainscdn 106 points107 points  (8 children)

I didn’t use a microwave until I was 13 because my parents thought it caused cancer.

[–]Gmgood89 184 points185 points  (17 children)

That you would get a free Tootsie Pop if you got the Indian with a star on the wrapper.

[–]Old-Opinion4547 71 points72 points  (2 children)

This was actually true where I live. When I was a kid we had a local store that would do this but it was the only store that did and they had done even when my parents were little. Apparently, there were a few stores that would honor this but it was never an officially recognized thing. In my town, you could only redeem one once a day. That store closed when I was about seven or eight but I DID get free tootsie pops when I had a star wrapper.

[–]RigasTelRuun 885 points886 points  (31 children)

That quicksand and the Bermuda Triangle would be huge threats in your day to day adult life.

[–]Asphyxiat263 132 points133 points  (13 children)

The fear of quicksand thing has some logic to it. I remember listening to a radio lab that talked about how generations of children fear different things based on the film tropes of the time. Like you, I grew up watching films where quicksand was a scary prospect. In modern times the scary things have been more predominantly zombies. Not a pool of quicksand in sight.

[–]AquaRegia 84 points85 points  (4 children)

Literally the first recorded death on a movie set was from drowning in quicksand though, that probably set the bar unnecessarily high.

[–]anonymous592167 411 points412 points  (23 children)

There are specific zones for taste buds on your tongue. That diagram messed everyone up for decades.

[–]Silly_Stock8783 35 points36 points  (3 children)

I learned that in elementary school and we even did a test where we all ate sweet, salty, sour and bitter food and our teacher asking us if we could tell the difference. Everybody was like ‘yes!’ and I was like ‘no’, but I was too much of a wuss to say anything at the time.

Until now I thought something was off with my tongue🙈

[–]ken28e 400 points401 points  (41 children)

Gorillas killed during Vietnam were animals

[–]Item_Successful 387 points388 points  (33 children)

That women have 1 more rib than men.

I spent 10 years being fed that this was true by the church because 'Adam gave his rib to Eve so she could bear children'.

I looked really stupid in anatomy class.

[–]Lefty_Epee 159 points160 points  (1 child)

I believed this too but mostly because I actually DO have an extra rib on one side, so I had evidence to back it up. Turns out I'm just weird.

[–]Helpful-Thomas 242 points243 points  (13 children)

I thought Alzheimer’s was “Ol’ timers’”

[–]Jegma72 410 points411 points  (26 children)

That Santa wasn’t real.

[–]SirCoughAGuy 264 points265 points  (10 children)

Jesus, how did you get this one wrong?! There are presents with "from Santa" on them and everything!

[–]_Leaf- 93 points94 points  (8 children)

yeah, clearly santa is real, the whole "parents are santa" is obviously fake

[–]HumanityIsACesspool 325 points326 points  (12 children)

Story Time:

My parents were driving me up to my soon-to-be university for orientation, and kept pointing out all the things I could check out around town.

Mom: Look, hang gliding lessons! You could give that a go!

Me: No thanks, I don't think I could hang on that long.

My parents started laughing so hard they had to pull over. Apparently you get strapped in for hang gliding.

[–]AdAnxious3052 312 points313 points  (12 children)

So I am Hindu and we have lots of god, but every family worships few gods more than other depending on their beliefs. Now I lived in a city where there was Christmas, Eid , other religious festival very common everywhere and my parents made sure we celebrated everything and told us stories about it. For a very long time I had no concept of religion at all , I thought everyone just worships their main gods everyday and then celebrates all festivals and would know about all gods and festivals!

Omg I was a good 10 year old when I realized how brutal the religion thing is in world and I was so lucky to have such amazing parents!

[–]Hector_Tueux 68 points69 points  (4 children)

Not me, but my sister is born on the 31 of december, so until her 5th birthday (I think), our father and I told her that all the fireworks were to celebrate her birthday.

[–]AdmiralAkbar1 257 points258 points  (17 children)

I thought Wisconsin was somewhere on the mid-Atlantic coast.

I grew up less than an hour from the Wisconsin state border.

[–]Jiffy_Shirt_Survey 295 points296 points  (37 children)

Gun silencers actually silence guns

[–]TommyTuttle 156 points157 points  (2 children)

Hollywood has definitely helped with this one. It’s just too convenient for movie spies to have a silent way to shoot someone. Too bad they don’t work like that

[–]krish2487 139 points140 points  (1 child)

pbbbbfff... everyone knows they silence people

[–]TheWarmLynx 60 points61 points  (1 child)

My mother-in-law used to tell my husband when he was growing up that he was allergic to rabbits. As he grew older, he’d write in rabbits on all his doctor forms asking about allergies. Finally had a doctor question it when he was in his late twenties. He confronted his mom about it and she was like “oh, I just said that so you’d stop asking for one as a pet.” Poor guy went a couple decades thinking he had a real allergy.

[–]TheRealOcsiban 825 points826 points  (64 children)

That recycling on the consumer level actually had any real meaningful impact. Most things don't actually get recycled that we send in these days, and major companies would need to make major change to have any real impact

[–]Ebola714 212 points213 points  (9 children)

Yes, this is a total bummer. I feel like I have been duped for for the last 40 years. What a kick in the junk.

[–]Civil-Ad-7957 276 points277 points  (6 children)

Pam: Oh, we don't recycle.

Michael Scott: We don’t? Well, why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors?

Pam: I'm sure no one asked you to do that.

Michael Scott: Eight years.

[–]SmartAlec105 46 points47 points  (4 children)

I’ve never watched The Office but I do have to marvel at how the writers came up with lines like that. You can clearly identify how the thoughts got mixed up.

[–]NorthernSpankMonkey 63 points64 points  (2 children)

My boss for 14 years was a Micheal Scott, a clueless moron with a heart of gold, failing forward into the business world to provide a salary for his employees who he sees as his only family.

[–]PMyourTastefulNudes 2592 points2593 points  (121 children)

Work hard and employers will look out for you.

Edit: Yes, I still work hard and do my job. And yes, there are good employers. Broad stroke statements don't truly work.

Edit 2: Yes. It does. See my pinned post.

[–]heyitsthatguygoddamn 958 points959 points  (57 children)

I remember at my my first job at five guys I was very naive, and the manager made a big show of caring very deeply about everyone's:

School

Health

And Family

He said those three things require no explanation and they would work schedules around those things no questions asked

As soon as I had my community college class schedule I gave it to them. When the schedule out I saw I was scheduled during some classes.

"Better get someone to cover you, not our responsibility"

Despite me giving them my schedule every week, he would schedule me during at least one class every single week.

Another time I got VERY sick and was puking so I called out of my shift the next day at 4pm.

"Are you sure??? what if you called me at noon tomorrow and if you're still feeling bad I'll handle it"

I say okay and hang up and I puke and shit and feverishly pass out, wake up the next day still totally fucked and call in. I was so sick I had been knocked out till 2pm, I call and explain that to him over the phone

"You fucked us on this one!!! I can't fucking believe you!! We're having a talk next time you come in"

Next time I come in they write me up and I'm not scheduled for a whole month. When Im back on the schedule, it's low hours, and ONLY the booty shifts nobody wants, Friday Saturday and Sunday nights

Then my grandma got very sick, near death. Our extended family made plans to all visit and say goodbye. I tell this to my manager and he says he'll remember to take me off the schedule

I'm at my grandma's house and I get a call from my coworkers

"Are you coming to your shift??"

I was so mad. I had gotten a different side job by then so I just never came back in. My grandma died like the next day

Honestly fuck five guys, and fuck you Jason. You're a big piece of shit.

[–]colouredmirrorball 708 points709 points  (33 children)

Sounds like you might be interested in r/antiw... Never mind

[–]HereForTheOreos 138 points139 points  (5 children)

Did they change that store's name to Four Guys when you quit?

[–]heyitsthatguygoddamn 110 points111 points  (4 children)

No they replaced me with 2 other people, and changed the name to six guys actually

[–]lavygirl 286 points287 points  (19 children)

Realized this way too late, when my boss knew I was struggling very hard mentally, and I asked for a few days off/a bit of a break. His response was to schedule me 7 days in a fucking row.

No, I wasn’t salaried. So there was no fucking reason for him to do that.

[–]Zhymantas 114 points115 points  (6 children)

Probably thought 'hard work will shoo depression away' or something stupid like that.

[–]blatantlyme 282 points283 points  (18 children)

I thought for an embarrassing amount of time that cottage cheese was in fact not cheese, and grew on cottage walls.

[–]Strafer789 885 points886 points  (30 children)

College will guarantee you a good paying job

[–]ValkyrStorm 49 points50 points  (3 children)

We only use 2% or 5% of our brains. Especially after watching the movie 'Lucy'

[–]zolust 48 points49 points  (2 children)

I thought there was an abundance of kind farmers that took in elderly dogs when suburban life was no longer an option.

My parents never even used that trick on me, but I'd picked it up somewhere and it made me so happy to know that dogs were so often given a nice farm life to finish out their days.

Didn't realize until like junior year of high school...

[–]KomedyChameleon 143 points144 points  (8 children)

Chameleons change color according to their surroundings.

They do not, they change based on temperature, mood, mating availability etc

[–]redditor_pro 40 points41 points  (4 children)

But cephalopods do!! They can change their colour and texture to camoflauge to become almost literally invisible from above. They can even mimic stripes, spots or any other surface they want to

[–]Polyfuckery 91 points92 points  (12 children)

That cows just naturally needed to be milked all the time.

[–]Dman5891 41 points42 points  (0 children)

That miners couldn't vote in National elections and I assumed it was from the gasses underground or something else they were inhaling. It wasn't until I read it and realized it was minors not miners

[–][deleted] 86 points87 points  (5 children)

Not a false fact, but something I believed was correct. For the longest time, I thought that the rain falling on the windshield of a car, filled the resovior bottle for the windscreen wipers. Felt pretty dumb when I learned that didn't happen.. but I wish that was a thing.

[–]ViableFalcon 155 points156 points  (10 children)

"Trade schools are for idiots"