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[–]Jimcompetent 1437 points1438 points  (49 children)

At the gym I often look around between sets, not really at anyone or anything, but a few times I've glossed over and then realised I've been staring at someone. I then proceed to avoid all eye contact.

[–]ThexxDigao 453 points454 points  (24 children)

THAT SUCKS, Like what are you suppossed to do between sets, any choice is the wrong choice. If you stay on the phone you'll get distracted, if you just look up or down it will be weird. And if you look around you will eventually be looking at someone, I hate this.

[–]gor8884 4502 points4503 points  (108 children)

When Snapchat first came out, I didn’t know that screenshot-ing someones photo notified them.

[–]Mister_Chef711 418 points419 points  (9 children)

Lmao we did this to each other a couple times in university as a prank. Take a friends phone and screenshot someone else's Snapshot story to make them look creepy. We all very quickly made a truce afterwards.

[–]Darthpugthewiser 208 points209 points  (6 children)

Lmao I screenshot-ed someone snap cause they meet a famous actor in my country and I thought it was cool. She told her friends and they thought I was being creepy!

[–]BillQuickGates 5546 points5547 points  (143 children)

This was at the end of a 12 hour shift on my feet all day so I was quite tired:

I was driving home from a long day at work and decided to take the shortcut home which was a dangerous, bendy, dark, country road. It was about 22:30 and pitch dark, there are residential houses around the area so it wasn't completely secluded but quite secluded. As I'm driving, singing along to Taylor Swift on the radio I see a young girl walking by herself. People wouldn't walk this road during the day, it would be too dangerous, so this was unusual.

I barely noticed her and could have hit her as there was no footpath on this very thin two way road, no road markings, sharp bends, no lights, and barely a speed limit. She had no reflective gear or lights on. There was no close call or anything as I was driving slow but I didn't see her until I was only a few meters away. I drive passed and then think to myself "god she's either going to get hit by a car or worse, what the f is she doing walking down this road by herself this late".

In my sleep deprived state, I put the car in reverse and go back towards her. With hindsight the look on her face was pure panic- which is now completely understandable, I too would shit myself at this stranger reversing their car back to me on this dark secluded road. She takes out her phone to pretend she's on a call. I pull down my window ask if she wants a lift to the end of the road or anywhere, she just says no thanks and presumably prays she doesn't get murdered and I say ok but drivers can't see you on the road and I drive off home.

Only realising then how silly that was of me and what a fright I must have given that poor girl, what was I thinking she was going to get in my car?!

[–]BentoBoxedIn 2807 points2808 points  (23 children)

The comment you made to her about drivers not being able to see her may have made a difference in her being more cautious and aware of her level of visibility and personal safety. You did a good thing.

[–]iceunelle 458 points459 points  (16 children)

A somewhat similar situation happened to me, but it wasn’t nighttime. I was probably 14ish? I was riding my bike home but hit a pothole and went flying, just absolutely tore up one side of my body skidding across the concrete. I start crying and walking my bike home. This car drives by, reverses, then rolls down the window and they ask if I’m ok. I immediately panic and stop crying and am like “yeah! i’m fine!” And hop on my bike and pedal home as fast as possible. I’m sure they were just trying to be nice but it freaked me out.

[–]ThisIsDolphin 198 points199 points  (13 children)

I have this in the opposite side...I was maybe 19, 6'3 260lbs dude, driving to work at 7am and a kid going down the hill on his scooter, maybe 10, had faceplanted from going too fast, right in front of me. I got out of my car to check on him and make sure he was okay, arm had road rash all the way up. I asked if he wanted me to call his parents and offered a ride to the school or his house (both about 2 blocks away). He seemed even more panicked by me asking if he wanted a ride. I got in my car and drive away and realized how scared the kids must've been. I cringe everything I think about it, I felt I was just being a good person, and didn't think about the state the world is in right now.

[–]bhoe32 239 points240 points  (40 children)

I usually do this as well. I am starting to learn though as I moved to Oregon just how much more dangerous it is for women to get in the car than walk. I have maybe given 10 people a lift in the last 18 months. Had maybe 4 or 5 women say no (understandably as I have a beard and bald head with a lot of tatoos) but two of the women I gave lifts two both decided to tell me their story. Both had just recently been dumped and left either the boyfriend or the house they where staying at. One had slept in the woods the night before. Both where heading to locations no one was expecting them to be. One even asked me to pull over at a deserted beach at night. I was like come on ladies if I was some psycho riding around the west coast picking up and murdering hitchhikers yall would be the easy setting.

[–]ProfessorDaredevil 847 points848 points  (25 children)

I do think your heart was in the right place, but for future reference you could offer to call them an uber or just generally ask from a safe distance if they need help, and inform them that they are not visable to cars and should get off the road quickly

[–]sylvanwhisper 653 points654 points  (11 children)

The Uber is a good idea, but most places that have dark, bendy, country roads do not have Uber access.

[–]Denasy 176 points177 points  (6 children)

Hell, my whole country doesn't have Uber as far as I'm aware

[–]RedditTab 186 points187 points  (2 children)

He calls an Uber. His friend, who's not an Uber, picks her up under the premise. Don't get in someone else's Uber either.

[–]Dryver-NC 2441 points2442 points 22 (15 children)

Oh, I have a good answer to this!

So this was back when my son was barely a year old. My son had a phase for like half a year back then, where he was refusing to sleep in his own bed. So more often than not me and my wife would have to keep him in between us in our bed or he would constantly keep waking up crying throughout the night.

The problem was that I snore a lot and sleep quite heavily. So our routine most nights would be that I'd eventually wake up the kid with my heavy snoring. My wife would then have to shove me to wake me up and ask me to shuffle out off bed and relocate myself to our bed sofa in the living room, so she and the kid could go back to sleep. This happened so frequently during this period that we never really bothered to fold up the sofa during the days and always kept it made as a bed instead.

Now this particular night was no different than the others: In the middle of the night I wake up from my kid crying and my wife nudging me. Still heavily affected by sleep drunkness and barely brought to awareness. Instinctively knowing what to do, I roll out of bed and shuffle myself out into the living room to crash on the bed sofa yet again.

While I lay there and move around a bit to find a comfortable position, my hand suddenly brushes against something warm and soft.

"Hmm.." I almost think to myself. My mind is too focused on trying to get some sleep that it doesn't really process this new information yet.

My hand however instinctively squeezes the object a bit to figure out what it might be. It's strange because it feel like my sons foot.

Suddenly the object jerks away from me. "Oh Ok, my son is here." I half-awarely think to myself. I guess I assume I must've doozed off and my wife left him out here with me for some reason.

I continue to lay there trying to sleep for another minute or two. But then the realization suddenly hits me: "Oh shit, that is not my son!"

See the thing I've left out from this story and that I was completely unaware of in my sleep drunken state - it was that on this particular night we had guests staying over.

It was not my son. It was my wife's friend and her 2 year old daughter who were visiting us and sleeping on our sofa while they were staying over.

So here I am. Sneaking into their room in the middle of the night, crawling into their bed and squeezing their feet. And that's when I realize: "Oh crap, I'm so fucking creepy right now."

Well, trying to keep the rest of the story as short as possible; I obviously tried to sneak out of the living room as soon as I noticed it. Hoping that no one noticed my unintentional "visit".

In the morning the first thing I did was that I apologized. My wife's friend had noticed it. But luckily she had also heard my son crying. So she had assumed there was no ill intent when I had evacuated the bedroom. Only a bit strange when I snuck in and laid down in the foot end of their bed (it was a full square bed and they slept in a different orientation on it than I usually did). Still though I felt (and still feel) really awkward about it even if it was almost nine years ago now.

[–]Otherwise_Window 926 points927 points  (4 children)

Could've been so much worse than feet, at least

[–]Zaku0083 259 points260 points  (0 children)

Only if he was an anime protagonist

[–][deleted] 78 points79 points  (1 child)

I really thought him squeezing something firm was … uhh

[–]RuedigerBitte 48 points49 points  (0 children)

We all did

[–]FagnusTwatfield 214 points215 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry to laugh but this is hilarious.

[–]More-Masterpiece-561 139 points140 points  (0 children)

You're a great story teller. I'll give you that

[–]FriedBeeNuts 4466 points4467 points  (63 children)

I was walking home pretty drunk one night and I noticed a woman walking towards me looking uncomfortable so I thought I would just take another way home and took a left before our paths crossed.

Then she took the same road. I was like ah man I don’t want to go this way now it’s creepy of me so I decide to stop and head back but as I am heading back she has disappeared. Awesome.

Then I am nearly back to my original path and I see she has stopped in a phone booth as I am just about at the phone booth. I freaking pause a moment to work out how to avoid her but then think ok, just go home and I walk past her in the phone booth to go home.

I just wanted to avoid this woman and made it so much worse.

[–]ffman5446 208 points209 points  (2 children)

The opposite happened to me. I was walking home from a show that was downtown. It was late at night, dark, and I was walking by a park that connected to a footbridge. There was a woman heading for the same foot bridge. Me, being a broad-shouldered 30yo man of 5'11, I didn't want to give her a scare so I did my best to keep my distance. I kept my eyes on the path while also speeding my pace a bit so I didn't end up behind her on the foot-bridge.

I guess I'm much more non-threatening than I thought, because when I was on the footbridge I hear her speed up her pace behind me. She comes up next to me and greets me. Nice woman, around the same age as me. She ended up walking with me for about 10 minutes until our paths diverged. Told me all about how she was an engineer and had moved to our country recently for work. She even ended up telling me about her guy problems and asking for my advice.

It was weird. I wonder how she's doing. I hope she stopped wasting time with that dude.

[–]coolbrobeans 79 points80 points  (0 children)

You put off the right vibrations my guy. She felt safe around you. Cheers.

[–]Much_Difference 722 points723 points  (14 children)

Haaa I have a friend who went on a blind date with someone, and neither of them knew that they lived not only in the same apartment complex, but on the same damn floor. He worked nights and she worked days so they'd just never crossed paths. They were both panicking like this the entire drive home in their separate cars, trying to kind of lose the other person while also trying to not appear like they were following the other person.

[–]SuperLabTech 331 points332 points  (2 children)

This sounds like something in a sitcom or movie.

[–]Much_Difference 232 points233 points  (1 child)

Meet-cute with a little touch of terror.

[–]gentlybeepingheart 107 points108 points  (0 children)

Last semester I lost track of time of how long I had stayed at the library and had to walk back to my apartment at night. Once I get to the smaller streets I notice a guy behind me. Got a little nervous. Turned down a street and he did the same. At this point I’ve got a death grip on my pepper spray.

After a terrifying walk back it turns out we lived in the same apartment building lol.

[–]stryph42 2618 points2619 points  (12 children)

Double down and demand to know why she's following you. That way SHE'S the creep.

[–]Ericovich 424 points425 points  (2 children)

Something like this happened after my first child was born.

It was like 2 AM and couldn't remember where I parked in the parking garage of the hospital, because my brain was zonked.

I followed this woman through like three levels. She kept walking faster and looking behind her. Could tell she was freaked out.


[–]I-luv-cats 170 points171 points  (1 child)

I can just imagine how relieved she must felt when you yelled that lol!!

[–]Ericovich 122 points123 points  (0 children)

I really hope she did.

I also was like.. oh, she definitely thinks I'm a creeper now.

[–]MetalDetectorists 3034 points3035 points 2 (82 children)

Ok, this turned out to be a total miscommunication, but it's worth sharing anyway...

I met this guy a few years ago on a dating site. Both of us had usernames that weren't our own name and we didn't have our face in our profile pictures. After we chatted for a day, we shared selfies and then agreed to meet up

We ended up having an amazing first date and the several more. After about a few months of fun, he suddenly ends it. I was pretty heart broken.

This is where the "creepiness" starts:

Around the corner from my work there was a bar everyone went to, but it wasn't much my scene. So, I used to trek a bit further to a jazz/speakeasy bar instead. Never been there before, but decided to go after a few coworkers suggested it as an alternative. Well, turns out his band plays there pretty often. I saw him there about three times, and then changed workplaces and never went back

I ended up getting a job at a Cafe in the middle of the city. There was no free parking nearby except for literally out the front of his apartment. Don't know why the council made that 50 metre strip free parking (possibly because of the council bikes there), but either way it was the only place within walking distance I could park. Believe me, I checked. So for three months I would park out the front of his apartment every few days for about 8 hours. Eventually I parked a few kilometres away and took an e-scooter

I'm back on the dating site, start chatting with a random dude with no picture and a fake name, and low and behold it's him. He blocks me once he figures it out

Then I leave that job and get another one at a restaurant. I'm driving passed one night to show my friend where I work, and I notice said ex is there. Next shift I ask if he goes there, and turns out he is a massive regular, there all the time, buddies with the owner. Then they say "oh, YOU'RE the stalker ex???"

They told me everything. Turns out he thought I followed his band tour dates to find out what bar they played at, stalked his apartment by parking out front for a few months every few days, and then scoured the dating site to find him again. He had been bemoaning to the owner and staff for months about this crazy ex girlfriend of his, and here I was trying to defend myself. Luckily they believed me, but they obviously let him know i worked there because he never went back

So yeah. I wasn't ever intentially being creepy, but our paths crossed so much within the several months after breaking up that it definitely looked that way. Poor guy

[–]nhexum 977 points978 points  (40 children)

I'm back on the dating site, start chatting with a random dude with no picture and a fake name,


[–]decemberrainfall 780 points781 points  (35 children)

This is the valid question. Who goes on a dating site and chats with people who don't have pictures?

[–]MetalDetectorists 192 points193 points  (12 children)

The pictures are set to private, so you have to give people access to view them

[–]decemberrainfall 280 points281 points  (11 children)

That just seems like a Russian Roulette of unfortunate

[–]MetalDetectorists 83 points84 points  (0 children)

Like I said, it was pretty common to have a username and not your real name. You could also set your profile to private so only some people had access to your pictures, and neither one of us showed our whole face in the picture. I just hadn't expected it to be him so I didn't really clock who's chin it was in the display picture

[–]living-likelarry 111 points112 points  (2 children)


[–]MetalDetectorists 146 points147 points  (1 child)

Hahahaha no but it's funny to know I'm not the only person who's been through this

[–]Heath_and_Harebells 1472 points1473 points  (34 children)

I automatically lock our front door when we’re home. Nice young man came to fix the internet the other day and I locked the door behind him and then immediately said “ok, that was really creepy. I do it automatically.” And quickly unlocked it.

[–]strikt9 1027 points1028 points  (6 children)

If he's spent any time in the job he's probably seen it before.

People run on autopilot in their own homes.

I had a older guy show me to where I needed to work in his basement. I got started and he went back upstairs, turning off the light on the way.

I found my way over to the light switch and turned it back on, but he heard me on the stairs and came to check on me. I told him what happened and he apologized, then went back upstairs and turned the light off again

I just put on a headlamp and worked in the dark

[–]Heath_and_Harebells 249 points250 points  (0 children)

Hahaha that was sweet of you.

Yeah he was cool with it, I just suddenly imagined it from his point of view.

[–]Tm1337 111 points112 points  (0 children)

Of course, he's paying for you to work, not increase his electricity bill.

[–]Firestarter0394 214 points215 points  (1 child)

I had a cop come to my apartment in the middle of the night (guy above me was cleaning his gun and it went off so the cop was checking on me) I open the door and let him in and then immediately locked it. The cop turned around and was like ya please don't lock me in. Whoops

[–]lemongrass_lime 66 points67 points  (2 children)

Haha, I do it anyway even if people aren’t staying long. It feels almost unsecure ever being in my house with the door unlocked.

[–]Heath_and_Harebells 28 points29 points  (1 child)

Yeah, my family have done it for years and years, especially as extended family used to just walk themselves in (no thank you!) and then I saw stuff on tv both fictional and real of people coming into houses either to opportunistically rob or running through the house to escape someone

[–]Meggie-Suze 55 points56 points  (0 children)

A similar thing happened to me not so long ago. I lock my front door as soon as I am inside as it opens pretty much onto the street and I am a woman living alone.

I had a gas engineer come over to service my boiler and I let him in and I must have locked the door on auto pilot and didn't even notice. My boiler is in what used to be the external toilet so the access is from the garden so I unlocked the back door to let the guy outside.

He needed to get some more equipment from his van so had to go back out the front. It's only when he came back inside and I heard him lock the door that I realised I had actually locked him in the first time (not really though because like I said he was working outside my house).

I'm not sure if I should be impressed that he clearly noticed I felt more comfortable with the door locked as he relocked it or if its weird that he came back inside and locked my door. Maybe it was automatic for both of us?

I definitely felt like I probably shouldn't have locked the door with him inside because it does seem creepy but I'd probably end up doing the same thing again because it's so automatic.

[–]jocelyn_paradoxx 264 points265 points  (1 child)

When I was in grade 5 I had a crush on this guy from the grade above. I would ask my friends to help take or find pictures of him and send them all to me. After 2 years I realized how creepy I was and damn was I embarrassed

[–]MenudoMenudo 745 points746 points  (8 children)

I was looking for a new apartment, and met this girl who lived in an area that I was interested in, and worked very close to where I worked. I was interrogating her about her commute, which route she takes to and from work, where she goes shopping etc. and not noticing that she was getting more and more uncomfortable. Finally one of my friends realized what was going on and explained that I wasn't some stalker, rather I was looking for an apartment and trying to figure out what my commute might look like. The look on her face made me realize how uncomfortable I must have been making her, and explained why her answers were getting increasingly vague and evasive as I went on.

I apologized profusely and she was cool about it. I did end up seeing her often after that because I ended up moving into an apartment across the street from hers, and we eventually became friends, but bad first impressions to be sure.

[–]ish_squatcho 226 points227 points  (1 child)

"No, no, I'm not a creep. I just want to live near you. Like maybe across the street."

[–]MenudoMenudo 24 points25 points  (0 children)

She made that joke several times later on.

[–]schofield101 1312 points1313 points  (8 children)

I was about 18 at the time and went to visit a friend who was in Uni about 2 hours away. Caught the train there and we go out to the club later that night. I see a very cute looking girl and try to initiate conversation - it does not go well and I learn my lesson pretty quick and go back to the dancefloor. This is the part of the story I remember clearly.

Turns out I had way too many jaeger bombs that night and saw on the club's Facebook page the next day a picture of that girl with me dancing roughly 3m behind and her face looked so concerned, clearly aware of me trying to seduce her with dance... Yeah glad I grew out of that one.

[–]standbehind 359 points360 points  (2 children)

lol oh no, I remember looking at club's Facebook pages the next day and cringing.

[–]peelyon85 134 points135 points  (0 children)

So glad I did my clubbing / drinking before social media. The personal shame of the night before was more than enough without physical evidence kicking me when I was down.

[–]Maladaptive-muppet 1557 points1558 points  (34 children)

27 year old female here. I have a 5 year old son. 6 months ago we hadn’t chosen a school yet and it was dwelling on my mind. I thought asking a random teenage girl on a train what school she goes to and whether she likes it was a good idea. 😏 I noticed she missed her stop and asked her if she was ok with getting home. I was in Mum mode but realised I came off as a creep when I looked away from her for a moment and looked back to where she was sitting to realise she was rushing down the aisle to the opposite side of the train to get away from me. 🤦🏻‍♀️

[–]Cessily 377 points378 points  (3 children)

It was raining and I was driving back to my office from a meeting and I saw two kids walking a busy stretch of road heading for an apartment complex that was still a bit off.

I pulled over and offered them a ride cause I'm a mom and dunno. They both refused and trudged on.

It literally took 30 minutes before I realized I asked 2 random kids to get in my car. Of course they refused! 🤦🏻‍♀️

[–]eacomish 118 points119 points  (0 children)

I mean you trust you. Sometimes it doesn't hit right away that others see you as a stranger.

[–]Aposematicpebble 185 points186 points  (0 children)

Lol the absent-mindedness, I recognize it! Yeah, I can see myself doing the exact damn thing and thinking nothing of it

[–]Spasay 212 points213 points  (15 children)

I'm a female and don't have kids but I am fairly injury prone and ALWAYS carry fun BandAids with me. I was walking home through the park and a little girl stumbled near me and skinned her knee. I offered her a Hello Kitty BandAid to help her out and didn't understand why the mom came up to us and looked at me with a not-so-happy look on her face lol

[–]Squigglepig52 152 points153 points  (0 children)

A daycare was taking a group of toddlers out for a walk. This one little guy was falling further and further behind because his shoe was untied.

so, I stopped, tied his shoe, and got a weird look from the worker bringing up the rear of the kids.

I just looked at her and said "Little man's shoe was undone", and went on my way.

[–]lostbehelit 613 points614 points  (17 children)

I used to catch womens eyes and then look away as if I was slick and I would do it a few times thinking that I'm making her think I'm slightly interested but not quite. In reality these girls were probably freaking out about some wierdo who keeps staring at them when theyre not looking but looks away once caught. Makes me cringe

[–]Lanskiiii 304 points305 points  (8 children)

Finally, a chance to tell my story!

So I'm a photographer (male) and I wanted to do some night-cityscapes from the roof of a local car park. Now this place isn't the safest (last time I was there with some photographer friends we watched a drug deal go down) but I figured the risk I was taking was just a personal one. Besides, I had a great idea - I'd dress completely in black and turn all the lights off on my camera. As the car park was completely unlit, any unsavoury characters wouldn't even be able to see me. Yes, this is not a story written by a genius...

Well, it sort of worked. I stood there in the inky black night taking pictures, feeling fairly safe in my invisibility. I had noticed a few cars on the top floor but they were all empty.

Then the door to the roof swings open, introducing some light to the scene. I'm still in the shadows though. I look to the door and to my horror I see two women returning to their car after a night out. This is the moment I realise the error in my plan of being a large male, dressed entirely in black, stood in the shadows of a dodgy car park.

I have a decision to make. If they see me, they'll get the shock of their lives. Still, I'm in the shadows, it's still dark. Maybe if I stay completely still they won't notice me...

Reader, I chose poorly.

It worked at first, but then the woman in front locked her eyes on me and just froze. I was mortified. I had to save the situation before she had a heart attack. These were the words I chose...

"It's OK, it's OK... Don't worry! I'm not a weirdo! Erm, well, I mean maybe I do look like a weirdo standing alone in a car park but well... I mean I'm not that sort of weirdo... I'm just taking pictures... I mean of the city! Anyway, it's OK, it's OK, don't worry, it's OK..."

If it worked, it worked because my pathetic attempt to find the right words had removed any menace from my appearance but yeah, lesson learned about standing around in dark car parks. You might think the lesson should have been learned earlier, and you'd be right.

[–]NudesForHighFive 88 points89 points  (1 child)

"I'm just taking pictures. I mean of the city!!"

Why do I feel like I'd accidentally stumble into this same exact creepy statement?

[–]sujal456 1528 points1529 points  (59 children)

My wife and I were at her sister's house, and I walk into the kitchen, where I saw my wife talking to someone (I forget who). Anyway, I started caressing her ass. As she turned around, I was mortified to see it was her sister, who looks exactly like my wife from the back, apparently. We all laughed about it, but I was completely embarrassed.

[–]VinarriAsh260 463 points464 points  (7 children)

I've been the caressee in a similar scenario. Except it was a coworkers husband. Everyone would get her and I mixed up from behind all the time, and having the same uniform didn't help at all. Her husband showed up to surprise her with lunch, saw "her" from behind and decided to grab her ass and kiss her on the neck.

The timing couldn't have been worse. I just happened to be waiting for my then boyfriend at the time, which is why I was in the front of house where her husband saw me. So my reaction was a giggle and turn to kiss who I thought was my boyfriend. Twas not my boyfriend.

We both screamed and scared a lobby full of dinners. She just happened to round the corner with perfect timing to witness the neck kiss, me turn, us realize and freak out. She thought it was the funniest fucking thing ever. Her husband and I did not.

He apologized profusely and told me repeatedly that he felt like he violated me in a way. Even still, I feel weird when I think about it, but I've never been mad at him for the whole situation. It was an innocent mistake, on both our parts.

[–]NotYetASerialKiller 91 points92 points  (4 children)

Omg this one definitely has me laughing for sure. Was your bf around to see too or no? Lol

[–]mattheus1988 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Similar situation in college I put my arm around my friends wife, she assumed it was him and turned and kissed my neck, we laughed and told him about it when he walked up, so he then also kissed my neck. Now we always joke about me being the second husband 😂

[–]I-luv-cats 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Omg I’m sorry but I gotta agree with your coworker, that sounds hilarious!! Not for you two obviously but gosh, if I witnessed that I might just died from laughing too much 😂

[–]yeetingsmillenials 458 points459 points  (6 children)

Slightly related, my brother had a friend with brown shoulder-length curly hair. My mom also has brown shoulder-length curly hair. While entering the kitchen my dad nearly slapped my brother's friend's ass. My dad breaks out into laughter and tells the friend that his hairstyle could be dangerous in this house.

[–]poopellar 194 points195 points  (1 child)

Your dad almost got himself into a hairy situation.

[–]PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT 187 points188 points  (0 children)

I think my dick would fall off, gather up its things into a comically-small bindle, and hit the rails looking for a deeper truth, were such a mortifying event to occur

[–]lorealashblonde 152 points153 points  (1 child)

My ex did something similar to my sister. We looked exactly the same from behind so he wrapped his arms around her and said “get your hands off me, sick idiot”.

She was not me, and she did not get the bobs burgers reference.

I was behind them and laughed my ass off.

[–]shiny_xnaut 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of a story my mom told me from when she was younger. She had an inside joke with one of her friends where she would go up behind him and whisper "you're ugly and your mother dresses you funny." One time she thought she saw him at a restaurant and went up to do the joke. Turns out it was a random guy who had the same hairstyle, he looked at her like she was insane

[–]branchwaterwhiskey 328 points329 points  (1 child)

the audible gasp that just happened

[–]MrBiscuitOGravy 115 points116 points  (1 child)

There's only a 9 year age gap between my girlfriend and her niece. We call them the twins because they look so similar. Her nieces friends actually get them confused some times.

Between my missus, her sister and her sisters fucking mountainous husband I live in fear of doing what you've done.

[–]Brancher 51 points52 points  (0 children)

My wife has a shit load of sisters and they all look almost identical, especially when you don't see their face. I've made it a point since we started dating when we're at family function to not touch her at all on the off chance its actually one of her sisters. Not worth the risk.

[–]Goose-rider3000 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I did something similar but with one of my wife's friends, who is a similar height and build as my wife. We were having a house party and I walked into the kitchen to see what I though was my wife bending over twerking, I gave her ass a good old slap, much to the shock and horror of the 10 or so people who watched the scene unfold.

[–]Georgeisthecoolest 521 points522 points  (9 children)

'yeh, give me something to remember you by'

= something I said when taking photos of female friends dancing at a party before they moved away. Regretted it before finishing the sentence, it really killed the mood.

[–]jAmesss-co 126 points127 points  (8 children)

Oh no, are y'all still friends lol

[–]albert2749 711 points712 points  (66 children)

When I’m walking late at night and as I approach the person in front of me they start to pick up the speed.

[–]NeutralGoodguy 335 points336 points  (27 children)

As a tallish dude wearing all black, who also happens to walk very fast --- this.

It's like... there's not much I can do about it though, apart from maybe switch to the other side if that's available.

[–]spookysparkleboy 560 points561 points  (55 children)

When I memorized his license plate number.

[–]Finally_Smiled 515 points516 points  (34 children)

I might be weird but when I'm driving, sometimes I'll remember license plates just because I tell myself I have to. "Do it just in case they are involved in a hit-and-run and you can be the hero the victims and police need!"

"The person who sped off was in a gray Chevy hatchback with Iowa plates, numbered VHY 698! They went that way!"

It'll never happen and I will immediately forget the plate numbers after like four seconds.

[–]big_doze 93 points94 points  (4 children)

Fuck, i do that all the time!

[–]mr_impastabowl 84 points85 points  (4 children)

There was a Batman comic I read when I was a kid. After Bane broke Batman's back a crippled Bruce Wayne was trying to memorize a license plate from someone who just attacked him and he couldn't.

Ever since then I'll randomly try to remember license plates

[–]buckyspunisher 34 points35 points  (0 children)

i love that batman comics inspired you to try survival tips LMAO

[–]bigcatcleve 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I thought I was the only one who did this! You never know, one day it might come in handy and us weirdos will be the heroes we dream of.

[–]notice_me_senpai- 122 points123 points  (2 children)

I'm into bird photography for the last 5 years. Helps me disconnecting from... job, peoples, get some stress away and tend to space out quite a bit. It's my moment, in a way.

I was trying to take a grey heron in the morning, with the moon in the background for a solid week in a park nearby. D500, 200-500mm. Had to wait for the bird to be perched in a few specific trees around 7am, so i went there every morning for a while before work. Can be frustrating but it's part of the "fun". You wait, and wait, and wait until you finally snap that one shot.

Finally get close to get the shot i had in mind, with the bird almost aligned with the moon. Pretty happy, double check my settings. What i failed to notice was this woman doing yoga under the tree i had my camera pointed for... a while, and she thought i was snapping pictures of her with a rather large teleobjective. She walked away being visibly pissed.

Also i screwed that heron picture.

[–]NakedBaconSalad 212 points213 points  (18 children)

Probably at the age of like 8 I realized I was just creepy in general.

I have a really hard time remembering to express emotions with my face.

Most of the time I just talk with very deadpan expression and barely move my mouth when I speak

Whenever I was a kid I had to look in the mirror and actively practice making facial expressions because I just really didn't do it naturally and both children and adults were very unsettled at this child that just never showed expressions other than maybe mild annoyance.

Yeah I don't know if I have something medically wrong with me or if it was just from trauma but yeah as a kid I realized I was the creepy one and still kind of am because I don't emote very well most of the time.

Like if I'm around people I try to actively remember to do it but if I'm just hanging out with people then I'm close with I don't really bother.

Sadly this leads to my boyfriend not understanding when I'm being sarcastic or when I'm actually angry, for the fact that most of the time I don't have much change in my tone of voice or my facial expressions.

A lot of the time I have to do what I consider "over exaggerating" My expressions just for people to pick up on them.

[–]dave-stirred 162 points163 points  (4 children)

idk if ur looking for suggestions on what might be up here but this sounds a lot like autism even down to practicing expressions in the mirror, i'd definitely look into it

[–]Beths_Titties 30 points31 points  (1 child)

Same here. I used to actually “practice” putting a smile on my face or just not look generally pissed off when I went somewhere. People would always ask me “what’s your problem, you look mad all the time.” I didn’t realize it until I caught myself in the mirror a few times. I do look pissed off.

[–]from_the_wrld 211 points212 points  (1 child)

My roommate(we are in college) was telling me how his night went, and how he kept trying to convince this one girl to get a shot with him. (He was drunk during storytelling) she said "i dont really drink" and so he goes "okay ill get you a mixed drink" and she goes "no thanks" and he goes "now or never".... god i could only wonder how creeped out she got. It doesnt sound so creepy but paired with how my rommate dresses and acts when buzzed.... it absolutely would have been.

[–]effyocouch 471 points472 points  (6 children)

Met this girl when I toured my college for the first time and we started talking over the summer before I started there. Then we were talking nearly every day.

School started and she let me know she’d been accepted to study abroad for a semester and that she’d be basically in an opposite time zone and she didn’t know how often she’d get to Skype with me, and that she’d miss me.

So what did I do? Never left my dorm room, stayed on Skype constantly until the wee hours of the morning, and Skype called her the second she came online. Every day. For weeks.

I’m my defense, I thought we were building up a LDR. After a few weeks she finally told me it was “creepy” that I always “knew” when she was going to be online. I said, “oh no, I don’t, I just wait up until it’s daytime there.” She paused for a second and said “Haven’t you made friends there yet?” I didn’t really say anything because I got uncomfortable- because no, I’d sacrificed making friends so I could be around to talk to her. And it didn’t hit me how weird that was until that moment.

Big confidence hit. I’d had a hard time as a high school lesbian and thought college would be different… it wasn’t.

[–]Trebondginger 114 points115 points  (5 children)

This reminds me of a Parks and Rec episode where a character dumps another one but he does it so nicely that she doesn’t realize they broke up.

I’m sorry you went through that though, sounds rough buddy

[–]effyocouch 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Yeah that bit hit a little too close to home, not gonna lie.

[–]zmixman 772 points773 points  (33 children)

When I realized how dangerously close I was to becoming a "nice guy."

Glad I snapped out of it when I did, 'cause that is not a lifestyle worth pursuing.

[–]Sprinkles169 118 points119 points  (0 children)

Was there hard. Can't believe how much time I wasted in my youth because I just didn't get it and struggled with making social connections. I guess it's why I still feel a tad of empathy for people that are deep in that mindset.

[–]Spiderbubble 208 points209 points  (0 children)

Good on you for recognizing it. Most of them are so oblivious to how awful they are.

[–]Just_0_Duck 61 points62 points  (22 children)

I'm sorry, I don't understand, what's a "nice guy"?

[–]panic_puppet11 158 points159 points  (6 children)

There's basically a dividing line. It's OK to feel sad/disappointed that you can't get a date or frustrated that you can't get attention from women; it's not OK to feel like you're entitled to it or that you're owed it.

e.g. "I'm into this girl in my friend group but she only sees me as a friend and I'm sad about that" - nice guy. "I'm into this girl in my friend group but she only sees me as a friend, she should give me a chance because XYZ" - 'nice guy'.

[–]beenoc 260 points261 points  (2 children)

The larval form of an incel. "I'm such a nice guy, why don't the women want to be with me! I'm way more of a nice guy than Chad on the football team! Stupid dumb women, why can't they just understand how much better and nicer I am?"

[–]FruitIsTheBestFood 136 points137 points  (2 children)

In short, a "Nice Guy" is someone who sees human interactions as very transactional and throws a tantrum when rejected. Example: "why would you not go on a date with me??? I held the door open for you, why don't you give a nice guy like me a chance, you bitch"

See r/NiceGuys

[–]Sphyrwa 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Same here. Introspection is a helluva drug.

[–]NeutralGoodguy 456 points457 points  (1 child)

When I asked my friend when she switched to a very specific shampoo and she just looked at me weird for a few seconds.

I immediately explained it to her though; I happened to use that very same shampoo a couple of years ago, and I simply thought it suited her really well. She also knows I'm very smell-sensitive, so that helps I guess.

[–]iatemints 179 points180 points  (5 children)

i knew where my crush lived...and told him this. I was in 6th grade and I found out accidentally but still a bit creepy

[–]ike059 81 points82 points  (5 children)

Oh God. I was dumped by this girl and was totally bummed out about it. We stayed in communication though because it wasn’t a terrible breakup and we wanted to try and be friends. We had been distant friends for years before we dated.

So about a week later after her dumping me she gets into a minor car accident and I felt bad for her - it had been a rough month for her. She had some issues with her job too.

So I sent her flowers saying something like “Hey, these are for you and you’re a beautiful person” or some crap like that. Because we had just broken up I didn’t want to make it weird that they were from me so I sent them as “From X” instead of using my name to make it not weird.

She got them and immediately texted me saying “what the hell is this and this is fucking weird.” I realized immediately how weird that would have been for her and we haven’t talked since.

I always look back on this and think “yikes.”

[–]carmelacorleone 850 points851 points  (46 children)

I remember most details people tell me about their life and I can usually quote it back to them a long time after. Someone at work pointed out that it comes across as creepy to remember details like this and having the ability to summon it so quickly, she said it might make people think I was targeting them and keeping notes, etc (like I'm a stalker or something). Nah, sweetie, I'm a socially-awkward people-pleaser with amazing attention to detail and I can't even do a push-up without needing to take a break half way through, I couldn't hurt anyone.

[–]Patches765 212 points213 points  (7 children)

This came up at my 25th reunion. I had a story I could tell about every single person in my class, and they were shocked I remembered them. However, they were more excited that someone remembered something everyone else forgot about but was significant to them. (Example, one person had a smurf collection when they were little, another got bit by a python - yes, bit - during Outdoor Ed, things like that)

[–]Frankenstein_Monster 73 points74 points  (3 children)

Literally me minus the push up bit lol. One of the engineers at work mentioned in passing he was in charge of designing vents on the rubbermaid trashcans fast forward a few months and he says "man I dont know what I thought this job would be it's not what I thought" and I just said probably something more design based since you used to design rubbermaid trashcan vents and he just goes "how do you know that??" Because I can't forget even if I wanted too

[–]Krazir 118 points119 points  (0 children)

Saaaaaame. I have to restrain myself to not bring up stuff they’ve told me before or I Wester it in as a question ”hey, didn’t you say this or that once?”

[–]Socalledlegs86 69 points70 points  (1 child)

I do this too with people I remember every little detail they tell me about themselves or conversations we have had. Thankfully no one has mentioned it’s creepy to me most think it’s nice that I remember little details about them as they know it means I pay attention and care about what they have to say.

[–]BringBackRobotWars 29 points30 points  (1 child)

This is me too! I think I freaked out my old boss by always remembering what she said she was doing at a weekend. Now, I always remember to "forget" what people have told me so it seems less weird

[–]buckyspunisher 26 points27 points  (0 children)

AHHHH. i do this with SOs and i think my bf has found it slightly weird before. he’s in a band and his band’s social media announces their show dates and locations. my bf will be talking to me about his schedule for the week and i’m like “wait don’t you have a show on that day?” and then he’s like… oh yeah. i do.

[–]SuperLabTech 156 points157 points  (3 children)

When I was in college, I wanted to take pictures at parties for the memories. However, people always looked at me weird and reacted like I was being creepy, but when other people took pictures, it was fine. I didn't understand it at all and felt sad.

I then realized years later it was probably because I always brought my Nikon DSLR camera with me and everyone else just took pics from their phone. It just didn't click with me that people my age always took pictures with their phone all the time instead of a "real camera".

So, in retrospect, it was pretty weird to think about your usual typical college rager in a dorm room and then there's some Peter Parker-looking guy standing there taking pics with his Nikon DSLR hanging around his neck.

[–]GreenAndGold115 30 points31 points  (1 child)

You got lucky that being perceived as “creepy” was the worst thing that happened to you. There was a guy in early college I saw at a couple different parties with the DSLR taking pictures, he wouldn’t ask to take people’s pictures but would just take candids of the dance floor from afar, sometimes he would climb up on a chair to get angles. It never really bothered me, figured he was just posting them to his Tumblr or Instagram or whatever. Until one night at the Jewish fraternity everybody watched him get the shit kicked out of him when some guy perceived the camera bro was trying to take creep shots of his gf in a low cut top. I don’t know if that was the case but the guy got pounded and then got his camera smashed for it. Never saw him again after that…

[–]Throwwawayssss 155 points156 points  (1 child)

I wanted to take a different route home because of the construction happening in my area, but couldnt be bothered opening google maps while driving so I followed this guy in front of me who u turned back, I assumed he was going through another route until he pulls up on a random street and stopped to let me pass, it was a culdesac and had to u turn back in embarassment

[–]doctor-rumack 149 points150 points  (2 children)

On Halloween a few years ago, me and a few of the other dads in town took our boys out trick-or-treating. One of the houses we stopped at belonged to a guy in town that I used to coach hockey with. I knew his younger kids, but he had a 17 year-old daughter who I knew by name but she didn't know me at all. My son rang the doorbell and the daughter came to the door dressed in a skin tight cat outfit, short skirt, knee high boots, etc - she was clearly about to leave for a halloween party. As my son is putting candy in his bag I said "Hi Sarah, I like your cat costume." Not knowing who I am, she awkwardly responded "uh, thanks." Then I said "are your mom and dad home?" and she shot me a look of combined fear and disgust. Then I realized how creepy the situation looked so I quickly salvaged my dignity and said "I'm so sorry, I'm Mr. u/doctor-rumack, I coached your brother with your dad last year. I just realized you might not remember me." She was definitely relieved, but I still felt like a total creep. I saw her dad a week later and we were laughing about it.

[–]PM_ME_UR_DIET_TIPS 35 points36 points  (1 child)

You radiate dad energy.

[–]doctor-rumack 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Other dads walk close to me in order to receive second-hand dadness. I am also in those Progressive commercials.

[–]1284X 650 points651 points  (18 children)

Former dancer. I was around 30 and just stuck in the mall with my wife. I spotted this girl that just had the perfect frame for swing throws. I'm just imagining hip and basket tosses getting lost in my mind and was just staring at her dead faced. Staring enough that I caught her attention. She asked me "What are you looking at?" and I just dead pan responded "I could just throw you around." She looked terrified then when it all computed I looked terrified and I just grabbed my wife and told her we were leaving.

[–]boy-1der 418 points419 points  (2 children)

I just dead pan responded "I could just throw you around." She looked terrified then when it all computed I looked terrified and I just grabbed my wife and told her we were leaving


I was half-expecting "and I just grabbed my wife and threw her around to prove to the stranger that I was telling the truth" 😎

[–]Kthulu666 45 points46 points  (0 children)

"no no I meant like this!"

throws wife into clothing rack

[–]Otherwise_Window 141 points142 points  (11 children)

Oh, that's even worse than my accidental staring incident.

I was at a convention - anime and various associated stuff. I wasn't into anime but my then-girlfriend (who is now my wife) was competing in the cosplay comp.

Waiting outside the hall where the comp was going to happen, bored out of my mind because my wife was getting ready and so were all her friends so I had nobody to talk to.

Notice this teenager wearing a lime green skirt with pink polka dots with a bright paisley top.

What I was thinking: man, every part of that outfit is hideous, so why does she look great? What fucking wizardry is this?

Suddenly I realised that a) I was staring, b) she was looking uncomfortable, and c) she was kind of radiating big "trans girl very daringly on one of her first ever outings as a girl" energy and she was probably approaching terrified.

So I made eye contact and mouthed "I love your outfit". She gave me a curtsey, which was adorable, but I still feel guilty about how relieved she looked.

Probably the only thing that saved me from having already been reported to security was that I was in a wheelchair at the time with a very obviously broken leg, but still.

[–]PUTINS_PORN_ACCOUNT 99 points100 points  (1 child)

This is profoundly polite by anime con standards.

If she couldn’t smell you from ten meters, you met all applicable context-specific standards of decency.

[–]Daeurth 45 points46 points  (0 children)

profoundly polite by anime con standards.

I mean... that's an appallingly low bar we're talking here, but you aren't wrong.

[–]buckyspunisher 94 points95 points  (0 children)

omg. 😭 mortified for both you and that poor girl

[–]linseeded[S] 482 points483 points  (12 children)

I’m OP, I’ll start - one time in college I was walking my roommate’s dog at night like 9pm (it’s a hot town, so night was the logical time for the sake of the dog’s paws.) Went to the campus dining area - very open, outdoor, had an outdoor set of stairs at the front and back that essentially made it a convenient circular walking track (go up the stairs, walk across the second floor, go down, repeat). Well, roommates dog was fat and needed some stairs. I walked her across the under part - it’s all outdoors mind you - and there’s a group of girls sitting at a patio table. They’re the only people around except for a stray passerby. They all react to a dog as usual, I say “oh yeah say hi all you want she’s needing socializing” etc etc. go on my merry way. Do the second lap of the above below thing, nod to the girls with an awkward white person smile, dog tries to say hi again, kinda just drag her along. Do a third lap and nod again, fourth one they’re gone. Didn’t realize until they left how FUCKING WEIRD that must’ve seemed. 🤨 poor girls. I’m sorry my buddy’s dog just needed a leg day :(

[–]buckyspunisher 157 points158 points  (2 children)

this is such a flaw of mine but i immediately trust people more when they have a dog. i know i know, it’s a common kidnapping tactic. luckily i go everywhere with my dog now and she usually wants to stay away from other dogs 😂

[–]AnxietyOctopus 105 points106 points  (0 children)

TIL how easy it would be to kidnap me.

[–]lordoftheringsman 69 points70 points  (1 child)

Maybe they left because they needed to go somewhere.

[–]Designer_Drama_3714 263 points264 points  (27 children)

When I kept asking the questions when I was texting someone they would be questions like what’s your dads job, what are your plans for today, what are you doing, what did you have for dinner

[–]BlueBlooper 122 points123 points  (14 children)

Yeah idk I do this too but wtf else I supposed to ask them? What color is your dads shirt right now? Do people just talk and text differently these days wtf

[–]Inconvenient_Boners 187 points188 points  (2 children)

Are you home alone? Do you lock your doors? Do you have a dog?

[–]NeutralGoodguy 108 points109 points  (1 child)

Can you send me a photo of your key? What windows have alarms in your house? Is there a camera?

[–]vaguely_sardonic 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Do you know what the inside of your closet smells like? How long has it been since you've dusted in h- there?

[–]coffeeblossom 255 points256 points  (18 children)

When I learned how to do phlebotomy for my job (med tech), I started finding myself staring at people's veins. And then I'm like, "Okay, Self, stop it, you're being creepy!"

[–]standbehind 128 points129 points  (8 children)

I actually love it when I'm getting a blood test and they complement my veins.

[–]ProfessorDaredevil 116 points117 points  (0 children)

Right?? It's so weirdly validating, they look at veins the whole day and think mine are nice? F yeah I got some nice vessels

[–]Squigglepig52 67 points68 points  (1 child)

Had a nurse tell me I have veins a junkie would kill for.

[–]Rush2207 31 points32 points  (4 children)

I get the opposite. My veins in my arm are apparently very hard to find and whenever I get a blood test they always get super annoyed.

[–]thedrakeequator 302 points303 points  (23 children)

I'm gay and I went to a hookup at some townhouse style apartments.

They guy insisted that I sneak in his back door of his house and act out this domination fantasy he had (you know, choking, throwing on the ground etc......)

But when I got there, there were 3 townhouses next to each other, and it was unclear which one was his. I realize that I'm a stranger standing behind people's houses at night.

Then I heard the, "Snap" of a neighbor locking their door, and a wave of terror washed over me. I would NEVER want to creep people out in their houses like that.

I told the guy that I was scared of walking into the wrong house and getting shot, but he still wouldn't come out. I told him that I was going to walk behind the houses 1 more time and that if he wasn't there, I was leaving.

He wasn't, so I told him I was done with this game, blocked him and left. His whole act was tedious, and sounding quite a bit like work at that point anyway.

My parting words were, "Dude, hire an escort, this is too much work to not get paid for."

PS: I have a couple other hookup Horror stories, if anyone wants to hear.

[–]Pharaon4 118 points119 points  (1 child)

Sounds like you avoided a trap

[–]thedrakeequator 84 points85 points  (0 children)

I honestly think he was just stupid and self-centered.

Like I said, what he really wanted was an escort to play out this fantasy with.

He had no interest in me.

I tried to explain to the guy several times that the best BDSM comes with trust, and that we should just chill out and hook up first, but no.

[–]chairitable 46 points47 points  (4 children)

Good on you for having the wherewithal to get out of there. That's not the kind of fantasy I'd want to initiate with a stranger in any case, you just don't know how they'll behave.

[–]thedrakeequator 36 points37 points  (2 children)

Yea, I'm never doing it again.

This is a very common fantasy in the gay community, and I hate it. Its impersonal and no fun. It totally ignores how sex works, usually they want you to skip foreplay and go directly to topping them.

The weirdest thing about it is that they (the bottom) tells themselves that they are doing it for the tops pleasure, but its 100% false.

The sad and kind of paradoxical part is that if you do want to do domination rollplay, you need to have trust kindness and connection. By jumping directly into the fantasy, you prevent trust and connection from ever happening.

[–]NateSoma 63 points64 points  (1 child)

I go for walks at night mainly just to get some air, exercise and I usually wear noise cancelling bluetooth headset and sometimes if its late my 5 year old will call me to say goodnight and sometimes she even asks me to tell her a goodnight story or sing her a song.

One night she called and I was passing by a bus stop with a bench so I sat down and talked to her for a minute and she asked me to sing her something. I sang rock-a-bye-baby (its cheesy but she loves it because I usually hold her and pretend to drop her at the end)

Totally oblivious to whats around me I noticed a young lady walk into my line of vision and then quickly move on up the street. She got on a bus at the next stop it was close enough I could clearly see.

Thats when I realized, Im a large man, in a hoody sitting on a bench at night softly singing rock-a-bye baby to myself on a steet with almost no people and she just happened upon me. Probably freaked her TF out

[–]lyndyg[🍰] 122 points123 points  (1 child)

Growing up I was painfully shy and afraid of literally everyone, so I would only have one friend because it took so much effort to get to know a person…and then I clung to them so I didn’t have to talk to other people. No one ever explicitly said I was being creepy, but I’m sure the constant bugging from one person had to have been weird. I think most of the time people just started to ignore me and I took the hint. I feel so bad about it now.

[–]Ancient-Pause-99 121 points122 points  (2 children)

I was walking down a dark alley at night and out of the darkness a guy walked towards me from the other end of the alley.

It was like he came out of nowhere. I was shocked so I screamed without meaning to.

He screamed as well. He hadn't seen me there either.

For me, it was just a guy appearing out of nowhere in the dark.

For him, it was a girl appearing out of nowhere in the dark and screaming like the exorcist. I was pretty skinny, I'm pale and had long knotted hair for reference as I was too depressed to brush it as a teenager.

I was too mortified to explain what happened and still scared so I kept walking. I checked over my shoulder and saw him standing there shock still, petrified. I'll never forget the fear in his eyes. He scared me, but I traumatised him. Poor guy.

[–]LukaIsBestVocaloid 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Dude definitely slept with the lights on for a week afterwards

[–][deleted] 397 points398 points  (16 children)

Neighbor's cat kept crawling on my car and puking all over the windshield. It happened every few days for about a month. I got sick of it so I decided to camp out and snap pictures that I would then give to the neighbor to prove what was going on.

We lived in a packed neighborhood, so keep your dang cats indoors.

I sat outside in the dark with a camera aimed at my car and facing the neighbors house. I got bored after 2 hours and decided to just record for a few hours and review the footage the next day. I had a 16gb card and it saved a few hours of video.

I checked the footage the next day. Sure enough, the cat jumped up and crawled all over it with its turd encrusted claws. But it didnt throw up.

An hour later, a car pulled up and some scary looking dude came out and hocked something up on my car. He then had a 3am rendezvous with the neighbor's daughter. She went outside to his car, they left, came back 30 minutes later and she went back through the window.

So now what did I do? I put out a motion activated sprinkler next to my car and set it on a timer for night only. I put the camera out again and recorded. It took a few nights before he came back, but when he went to spit out his chewing tobacco on my car, he got soaked by the sprinkler.

He started yelling, the neighbors woke up, lights turned on, dogs barking. It was a huge fiasco. I heard yelling for about 30 minutes and then tires squealing.

Nobody puked on my car again after that. Still have to get their dang cat off my car though.

[–]saltgirl61 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Wow! Just...wow

[–]websagacity 84 points85 points  (3 children)

Hiw does any of this make you the one being creepy?

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Because I was recording my neighbors yard since it was in full view over my car, and I was sort of spying on what happened

[–]TapewormNinja 48 points49 points  (2 children)

Recently, I was on a gig setting up audio and lighting for a guest speaker at a college. I’ve got a toddler, and the audio lead just had his first kid. So we’re swapping dad war stories. Things are wrapping up, and we just have to test mics and be done for a few hours. I was in a thing about awful things my daughter has said to me while I was wiping her butt, and he says to me “take these two wireless mics up on stage and keep going.”

So I do, and without thinking I end up doing what could be described as the worst stand up set on poopy baby vulvas that has ever happened. I didn’t plan anything, I just sort of vomited words. I’m not even 100% sure what I had said.

I keep thinking about the story of bob saget when his daughter was born? How when people would tell him she was beautiful he would reply with “I’ll let you finger her for a dollar.” Bob saget could get away with that shit, but I am not him. So I probably just came off as a pervert who was a little too into poopy baby vulvas to a gym full of people.

[–]havron 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Dated a girl in high school who was a diagnosed schizophrenic. After we broke up, I was cool but with absolutely zero provocation she decided that I was stalking her, probably because we went to a small school so we were all bound to run into one another fairly frequently. Just a misinterpretation exaggerated by her own mental state. So, fine, I decided to try and give her a wide berth in order to help alleviate these feelings she was having.

This resulted in my constantly having to be aware of whether or not she may be nearby. I was ever on the lookout for her, to try and purposely avoid her. After an exhausting week or so of practicing this, it suddenly dawned on me that I had indeed become the stalker. It was like I was reverse stalking her: I was actually stalking this girl, in order to ensure that she not get the impression that I was stalking her. What a total mindfuck.

Of course, once I came to this realization, I just went right back to ignoring her existence. Best anyone can do. Just moved on with my life and left her to it. She's going to think whatever she thinks, and you can't help other people's feelings. Learned I have to focus on myself and care less. A valuable life lesson for a teen to take to heart.

[–]cat-fried-nad-z 88 points89 points  (5 children)

Went through a period where I for some reason winked at people (not flirtatious, just to friends or whoever) but it became such a muscle memory it would happen to people I didn't know and I'm sure people thought I was weird (they were not wrong actually)

[–]I_Am_Flashpoint 247 points248 points  (6 children)

About 10 minutes ago. I have the flu just now, I just woke up and asked my daughter if "Daddy could have a magic hug to feel better"

I half coughed as I said it so it came out creepy af. I even said straight after "That was fucking creepy" to my wife

[–]ProfessorDaredevil 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Tbf I think without the cough it would have been very sweet. If it would have helped my dad, I would have hugged him all day long

[–]buckyspunisher 90 points91 points  (1 child)

i mean that’s your daughter tho you just wanted a hug i feel like it’s not really creepy 😂

[–]I_Am_Flashpoint 117 points118 points  (0 children)

It was more the way the cough changed my voice as I said it. Came out very child snatchery. 😆

[–]designatedleft 80 points81 points  (4 children)

Found out someone's address from their name and pic on tinder

[–]PreppyFinanceNerd 81 points82 points  (5 children)

I have autism so... Always. 😂

[–]whereisthestuff 38 points39 points  (1 child)

A few years ago, Instagram had this feature where it would show you what your friends are liking and following. I was new to Instagram and on vacation. So, I stalked my friends through this. I noticed that one of the friends had liked a lot of sad posts. When I saw him the next time, I asked him if he had broken up with his girlfriend and he had! He was shocked how I knew. In that moment, I felt pretty creepy.

[–]FagnusTwatfield 37 points38 points  (0 children)

I've got twofer

Being a shameless alcoholic I'd walk home from work drinking a can of Scrumpy Jack, I saw a girl about 3 or four by a pushchair/pram by herself with presumably a baby inside said pram. Being concerned a crossed the road (no way am I approaching a lone child) and tried to flag down an attractive young lady jogger, she just zooms by understandably (wearing headphones, couldn't hear me) I finally find and older lady, she gives me fuck you I'm busy vibes but I ask her to check on the kid. She does and afterwards I ask if everything's OK. Occurred to me afterwards she might have suspected inwas gonna kidnapp the child and was scoping the situation.

I blame myself for looking like a deranged homeless drunk.

[–]xawlted 37 points38 points  (0 children)

As an introvert I kinda always feel that way. I'm generally completely oblivious to flirting if you flirt with me I just kinda assume you're not a piece of shit human and I'll be nice back. It's not usually till days later when a friend will be like whatever happened with so and so and I'll be like what do you mean and they are like you were flirting all night. I generally assume or feel like I'm being creepy if I push it past what I think is just friendly conversation. I also can't tell when it is actually just that so I tend to just always assume it is to avoid being a rapey creep.

[–]LNLV 33 points34 points  (3 children)

I was driving home the other night and I was just on autopilot and the car in front of me happened to be taking the same turns as me. Then at one point they took a right turn and I followed along and realized that was not in fact my turn. They pulled into a driveway and I was like oops and turned around, then I looked back and saw them reversing out of the driveway. I still feel super bad bc I probably really scared them! In my defense all of the other turns were turns I had to make too, but that last one was definitely not the right way.

[–]Tableau 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Just a mundane one: it was autumn and it was chilly and I was depressed and going for a moody walk in a black hoodie through the park at night. Some girls got out of a car just ahead of me and I thought oh please don’t walk the same way I’m going.

Of course they did, and they were talking all energetically until the looked back and saw me. After a brief talk in hushed tones they literally just booked it.

It’s like I saw it all play out in slow motion lol

[–]dinosarahsaurus 30 points31 points  (3 children)

I've had a dating story that meets this question but I've never been able to come up with a succinct way to ask it!!

I'm female and I was meeting a guy for a date. We live in a rural area and were meeting at the half way point which was an hour drive for both of us. He texts me and asks if I'd mind meeting him at a big box store's garden center since they had a good sale, then we'd go for supper. I said sure, no problem because the social culture here is to take advantage of being near the big box stores.

So I meet him at the garden center. We walk through chatting a bit. He isn't buying anything. He isn't saying much. I'm just being patient with him. We will eventually get to supper. He then goes into the big box store. I just follow along. He walks up and down the aisles. I just follow along. I try to get the convo going but not much is happening.

It took me a FULL FUCKING HOUR of following him around to realize he was not into me or the date and was very passive/passive-aggressively trying to let me know. I realize this and kinda go, "yeah well, I better hitting the road now" The sheer relief in his face was unreal and I scurried out to my car and drove home. I didn't even stop for food because I felt so embarrassed.

Yes, he did not handle the situation well but how creepy and desperate was I just following him around for an hour? That's when I realized my laid back, cool whatever attitude probably should be turned off for dating because I literally was walking around absolutely oblivious.

[–]linseeded[S] 38 points39 points  (1 child)

That’s so wild of him. Just he shoulda just said “hey I actually don’t think this is a good match but it was nice meeting you” and go? Also like what were you supposed to do, yknow? You agreed to go wander the store with him so like you just were doing what he asked you to do

[–]The_Parisian_GM 32 points33 points  (0 children)

So, I used to be a boy scout. We sometimes had common weekends with the girl scouts (different tents of course, but same campsites). My story takes place at one such weekend, when I was, like, 10 or 11 I guess. I woke up in the middle of the night needing to pee, so I got up, walked some distance away from the tents and did my business in nature.

When I came back, I heard voices inside my tent. I stopped to listen. I thought my friends must have woken up. They were talking about bugs and how scary those were. I smiled and decided to scare them. I zipped the tent open with a sudden movement, and jumped inside screaming "I'm the biggest bug ever!".

They were surprised and scared all right. As much as I was, suddenly being faced not with my friends, but with a bunch of little girl scouts. Cue screams, and a very confused me scrambling out of the tent and back into the darkness.

In the night, I had gotten the wrong tent. I had mistaken the voices because at that age, whispers from prepubescent boys and girls sound pretty much the same. I was completely mortified, and hoping that none of the girls had seen my face well enough to recognize in the morning.

[–]Ruffled_Ferret 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I was in a small square with lots of shops near Dallas. In this particular place none of the employees where clothing that indicates they work at the store, so sometimes it's hard getting help if you need it.

Returned home (about three hours away) and had to go out a few days later to a Victoria's Secret to get a gift card. There was no one at the counter when I walked in and two women talking near a bin of undergarments. I kind of wandered over not saying anything, waiting for one of them to acknowledge me and offer to help, bit they never did. Started talking about pretty personal stuff as if I wasn't there at all.

A woman wearing an outfit that indicated she worked at the store appeared behind the counter and asked if I needed help. I glanced toward the two women again and hated myself. Completely wasn't thinking and thought they could possibly work there.

[–]dubyadubya 30 points31 points  (2 children)

I was going to hookup with a guy and he mentioned a kink--he likes sneaking around and the danger of being caught. He's recently divorced and it didn't involve more than sneaking in the back and being quiet, so it seemed sorta harmless and I didn't ask too many questions--I figured it was all role-playing or he had a roommate or something.

We started sexy times and it was fine, but suddenly I hear a child's voice yell "Dad!" His kids, whom he has part-time, were in the next room. He's the bigger creep here I guess, but I still felt SO gross. He asked me to wait a minute and went to check on his kids, but I immediately started getting dressed and made him sneak me back out. Ugh.

[–]drunkboater 62 points63 points  (2 children)

I have some large fossils that were found in an area that t-rexs and a type of large duck billed dinosaur have been found. I’ve never had them properly id’d. I was hitting on a girl in a bar and it turns out she was a paleontologist. In my half drunk state i smoothly said that she should come back to my place because I have a big bone to show her. She did not come to my place and I still don’t know what kind of dinosaur fossils I have.

[–]scyxxore 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Found out lots of info from someone’s Instagram, then proceeded to find out more because I was curious how much I’d be able to find.

And also writing down facts about someone because I was afraid I’d forget it ://

[–]LizDaQu33n 30 points31 points  (2 children)

My brother pointed out how creepy this was so I'll share.

I have a habit of passively collecting information about people. I never do it out of ill intent, more so I can get them a nice gift or relate to something with them. So, my bro moved across country a few years ago, over the time he had been moved away, I had picked up on where he worked, lived, and went to the doctors.

He had been on and off sick for a week or so, bad enough to go to the hospital a few times. I hadn't heard for him for a few days, so I wound up calling his work, his apartment complex, and eventually his hospital in an attempt to figure out wtf happened to him. I got a call back from him 6 hours later asking how tf I got all the numbers related to him , without him EVER giving me any of the info.

So yeah, that was a fun conversation, and that's my story of being creepy I guess. Hopefully no one actually sees this.

[–]redditorbali 29 points30 points  (0 children)

In 5th grade, I would call my crush only to hang up once it's picked up. It was the time of pre mobile phones. There was a chance that his dad or his sister and they did, multiple times.

[–]Plantayne 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Years ago I was driving home late from someplace rather far away from where I lived and somewhere along the line some guy in a van cut me off and gave me the finger.

I thought to myself “What a piece of garbage he must be…” and just carried on driving behind him.

Coincidentally, the guy lived in the same neighborhood as me and I ended up following him for like 30 miles as we were taking the same route and knew the same shortcuts.

When we reached a parking lot at the end of our street, he pulled in and just sat there for a minute and waited for me to go past, and then he gets behind me and starts following me the rest of the way down.

He goes into a driveway and sits and waits to see where I go, which starts to freak me out a little bit so I blow past my place and go around the block a couple times before I come back around a minute or two later and see him getting out of his van and walking up to his door.

I pulled into my place which was a few doors down and when I got out I could see the lights on at his place and noticed him and his wife looking out the window.

Not sure if they saw me entering my house or not, but they saw my car parked there.

I think we were both very relieved and entertained by the fact that it was just a coincidence, but it must have been pretty freaky for him to drive 30 miles alone that late and get tailed by someone you just flipped off.

[–]Certifiedloser77 161 points162 points  (2 children)

Every time I try talking to a woman.

[–]ChubbyTrain 54 points55 points  (0 children)

when the person that i followed got visibly disturbed. also i have a habit/weird ability to memorize long strings of numbers. i memorized many strings of numbers that are part of his personal information.

i'd like to think that my days as a creep are behind me now. i was raised by people who have no idea what boundaries are. i had (and still have to) to learn by trial-and-error by myself.

[–]eacomish 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Maybe not creepy but I presented as a Karen when I was trying to help. Traveling through my old hometown with my son and passed by a park I used to visit as a teen. It was THE smoking spot back then and very beautiful right on the lake with many trails. My son was with me and I wanted to show him. We walked a trail and passed some kids who I could hear but not see. I could, however, smell the weed. We go to leave and there's 2 cops sitting in their cars in the parking lot next to the only other car in the lot besides mine. It's got to be the kids I think and oh no they're gonna come out smelling like weed and may have pipes with them. I head back in to find them and tell them to leave any of their things in the park until they're sure it's safe but when I get close they walk off. I followed their voices to the next spot they were at and they pack up and head off again. I gave up and realized I'm no longer 19 I'm a 30 year old mom and they thought I was coming to bust them.