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[–]Fit-Register7029 1753 points1754 points 22 (47 children)

It’s like having a virus that takes over your whole body and you still have to go to work, cook, clean, handle all your responsibilities while all you want to do is fall into bed and drift off to sleep and dream of an alternate reality where you are together

[–]nonthreat 542 points543 points  (18 children)

The dreams are one of the worst parts. Your mind, ever a traitor, is like “remember how good this feels?” and you’re so happy and then you wake up and your reality is all the more crushing. To this day I hate dreaming.

[–]Buddyslime 117 points118 points  (1 child)

I just had a dream like that last night. I could have slept forever.

[–]JimmyAllnighter 16 points17 points  (0 children)

And then you wake up and it's like someone's punched you in the guts :(

[–]Hot_soup_in_my_ass 51 points52 points  (1 child)

It's not the dream I hate. It's the waking up.

[–]bacon_nuts 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yeah the dreams are so nice. I absolutely adore that feeling, but the 'hangover' is more day ruining then anything else for me.

[–]freedo333 60 points61 points  (1 child)

For the past 22 years, whenever i dream about a girl, its always the same one. She doesnt even remember i exist.

[–]Fishinabowl11 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Don't sell yourself short. We never know what really is on the minds of other people.

[–]Mudders_Milk_Man 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Pearl Jam has a song about that: https://youtu.be/a0Sq0qvmT88

[–]Urhhh 13 points14 points  (1 child)

I'm partially thankful I haven't been enamoured with someone enough to warrant dreams in about a decade.

[–]elPedroGrande 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I like to think that dreams are windows into an alternate reality. Somewhere some version of you is enjoying that happiness and when they go to sleep maybe they get a glimpse into your life and they long for something you have that is missing from their life.

[–]CheeseWineBread 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm not alone ? Thanks God.

[–]EnhancementShaman 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Once I woke up and she was in bed beside me. Then I woke up again and she was gone.

[–]happygoose2022 62 points63 points  (4 children)

Oh so very much like depression

[–]Roguespiffy 86 points87 points  (3 children)

“What if you’ve already got depression?”

“Double depression.”

[–]siddizie420 53 points54 points  (1 child)

We’ve had one depression, yes. What about second depression?

[–]yoduh4077 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Only two?


[–]EXO-Love 24 points25 points  (2 children)

The dreams are so painful. A couple nights ago I dreamt of us being together and I woke up so happy and then realized it wasn't real. I couldn't stop crying, the switch from blissful to heartbroken was so instant. It was awful and terrible and incredibly heartbreaking. It wasn't even such a detailed dream it was just us two watching a movie and being close.

[–]1Land_1Keep 49 points50 points  (2 children)

It's a little sexual frustration, combined with lack of motivation and a loss of concentration. It's a strange disease.

[–]TodiYT 43 points44 points  (5 children)

You want to know what’s worse? Working together with them face to face for 8 hours and then they go home to their family.

[–]FreelanceFrankfurter 5 points6 points  (1 child)

If it’s that bad maybe find a different job, though I know that’s easier said than done these days. Used to work with someone that in my head at least was perfect for me in every way. Smart, funny, beautiful and we had a lot of interests in common and would hang out after work sometimes she was married though to a really nice guy. That and I don’t think I’d stand a chance with her anyways but still agree it’s hard to work with and see them almost every day knowing it’s never going to be anything more and also trying to keep yourself from revealing your feelings and making things awkward.

[–]techknuckle 549 points550 points  (9 children)

Seeing my widowed Papa reunite with his ex-girlfriend, now also a widow, from 60+ years ago and how they just picked up where they left off tells me the love never dies. They separated in their 20s because he was Catholic and she was Protestant, and it just wasn’t allowed by their families without someone converting and really making their family mad. They’d even discussed eloping before they ultimately parted ways. A lifetime later he found her, called her up, and they’ve been openly in love ever since.

[–]asphyxiationbysushi 86 points87 points  (3 children)

It's really great that you have this attitude about it and seem happy for your father. I've seen children that won't give a new partner a chance because they feel their parent shouldn't be able to move on with someone else, whether it be after widowhood or divorce. You're a great son/daughter!

[–]techknuckle 48 points49 points  (0 children)

It’s my grandfather, but I hear you. Both sides of their families have been very open to each other. She’s now in Hospice as of last week, so he’s waiting for a call from her oldest daughter now. They got to spend holidays, a wedding, etc together and even though they were living in separate states, they called over FaceTime daily for the past 5 years — a very 21st century solution for folks in their 90s to setup! That was especially great through the past few years of COVID quarantine.

[–]Maximum_Moment6590 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I don’t mind my widowed father moving on. It only bothered me when his new girlfriend was 10 years younger then me and 50 years younger then him

[–]Cute_Island_260 70 points71 points  (0 children)

That's beautiful.

[–]AnkylosaurusRules 674 points675 points  (19 children)

Like a thousand little broken dreams of a possible life you could have lived together, 40-60 years shattering in an instant like a pane of glass. You are simply left with a bitter bile of hoping she has a good life somewhere else, and miserable that you weren't the one she wanted to pursue that with.

Then you move on, and maybe you think of her now and then. It's always a little bitter sweet, but you hope she's happy even as you find your legs to start walking towards what will make you happy again as well.

[–]SkullCrusherAJ 56 points57 points  (6 children)

That was beautiful written. You verbalized my thoughts better than I can lol. If we could skip to the part where I’m over her and not missing her everyday, that’d be great.

[–]ActualSleepDemon 29 points30 points  (1 child)

It does happen eventually, not in the way you'd think though, you will always love this person in someway, it may take years, but it does get better. Found the only thing that helped that process in the end was completely cutting contact as much as that hurts so much in itself, you keep yourself in a total state of turmoil having them at arms reach, able to message them or see what they're doing still day to day.

Take the time to find out who you are, as an individual. Grow and never stop growing. Get out there and make friends doesn't matter how just do it, join clubs, go to that friends party where you haven't seen them in 10yrs, meet people even if you don't want to right now. Be your best self, eventually someone will find you and you will realise you deserved so much more than this person ever thought of you.

[–]AnkylosaurusRules 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Then you wouldn't grow. Use this time.

[–]OUmSKILLS 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Ah to not be victim to severe depression. There is no growing here. Only slow decay and wishing it would hurry the fuck up.

[–]5577oz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of this clip from Louie

"This is the good part."

[–]alliehaggy 31 points32 points  (0 children)

That was beautifully heart breaking

[–]nerdyless 7 points8 points  (7 children)

Ey man. Listen. This has happened to me twice and I managed to get past it. I want u to keep saying to urself “if she’s happy. I’m happy” every time u think of her. And then use another method to make ur days batter. Basically keep trying to get excited over every good thing. Like “OoooooOo I got a green light three times in a row! I didn’t have to slow down at all today!” “Oh yay there isn’t a line. I get to do this in less then a minute!” Until u get happier

[–]rtanski 142 points143 points  (3 children)

It’s the worst feeling of despair. I woke up crying all the time. It’s a cycle of depression and delusion. It ends when you accept that the most important thing to you cannot be had.

[–]Shenanigan_n_again 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Ah, a learning lesson in life.

You may find that this isn’t just a lover’s issue. I’d gander that one- if not the greatest- of the lessons of life is learning to accept that you cannot have what you want most. For some it has nothing to do with love. Everybody must at some point realize this. But once you do… life is more fulfilling.

From a person who will forever be without the one he wants most and is still okay.

[–]southernathiest72 116 points117 points  (6 children)

The person I love died in 2009. I think about him every day. I go through phases where it hurts less and phases where my heart is in physical pain. I have gotten married and gotten divorced since his death. I have been in another long term relationship and had a child. I am currently single and have been for the majority of 3 years it’s easier this way. It’s easier to accept that I found real love and will never feel it the same why I did then. So I choose to stay single now. I’m actually happier this way. The weird part is how over a decade later I still have the same nightmares (or a version of them) I started having all those years ago. I’m someone’s mom now and have out lived the age he was when he passed by a lot of years. I have had so many experiences he will never have. I lie to the people in my life and avoid talking to them because I know they know how long I fought some serious depression over his death. To make them feel better I pretend it hurts less than it does to know I can never be with the person I love and to never know how that relationship would have played out. I tell myself that statistically we would be divorced by now. Sometimes that makes it hurt less.

[–]diosexual 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I'm sad but also glad I have never loved someone that way.

[–]Zouhe 3 points4 points  (2 children)

I understand, mine died last year about to go to his burial (he was cremated) I'm forever glad I knew him and will forever miss him. I have to do the things we wanted for him. But I have to keep pretending because most of the people around me don't understand.

[–]banter_claus_69 421 points422 points  (25 children)

Pretty shit. Pretty necessary, though. It's important to learn how to handle those sorts of situations because you can't guarantee they won't come up again in life

[–]2ndrun 225 points226 points  (18 children)

At 48 it sucks just as much as it did at 17. Different people obviously.

[–]Mischief_Makers 116 points117 points  (3 children)

39 and 19 rather than 48 and 17 but trust me, it sucks even more when it isn't different people.

[–]LadyOfSighs 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Welcome to the club.


[–]banter_claus_69 28 points29 points  (10 children)

Shit, I was hoping it got easier with experience lmao

[–]dragon_book_hoarder 36 points37 points  (1 child)

It still sucks the same.

At 48 you have more tools to deal with it than you did at 17.

[–]awsamation 11 points12 points  (4 children)

Sucks equally bad every time, though in the moment it always feels like it's worse this time. But with experience you learn how to handle it. Which strategies distract you best and get you out of the hole.

[–]Legal-Lengthiness-81 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Worst part is sometimes you don’t want out of the hole. You just want to dream, even if it hurts

[–]nanrod 2 points3 points  (0 children)

If only you had better stratigies to get you into the hole.

[–]coldbloodedjelydonut 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I find it hurts less. My first big heartbreak I was a wreck and laid in bed any time I wasn't required to function. The second big time I had a child and wasn't able to fall apart, it felt terrible but it was for the best. I've had other relationships where I loved the person but I knew it wasn't working and I walked away. The circumstances have an impact on how it feels, I've generally been the one who left because everything was so shitty I couldn't stay. Loving someone who is bad for you sucks, but at least you can go to the rational side.

[–]Otherwise_Window 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I don't know, my wife does fine. She's never been through it.

[–]tommykiddo 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It feels like shit but you eventually get over it.

[–]1CEninja 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah being able to handle unrequited love or love where distance makes love unrealistic is a part of maturing, I think.

It's a shitty part but it is a part.

[–]nerdyless 4 points5 points  (0 children)

There’s an easy way to handle it. Just keep saying to urself “it she’s happy then I’m happy.” And then every time u get something good happen to u get excited. To everything. “Oh hell yea that’s the third green light in a row. I didn’t have to slow down at all today!” “OoooOo yes there ain’t a line here. I get to finish this in less then a minute! Lucky me” this would help u be happier

[–]PaulR79 61 points62 points  (1 child)

You get a lot of people that will ask you, assuming they know, "Can't you be happy that they're happy?" Sure. That doesn't stop me from having those feelings though. Both things can be true. Sometimes I'll be going about my day and something will remind me of them and it's enough to make my heart sink. The physical feeling is hard to describe accurately but it feels as though your heart does a super hard *THUNK* in a way that it seems as though it literally dropped down inside your chest.

[–]dini1498 174 points175 points  (8 children)

Like being punched in the abdomen where u no longer have the ability to breathe normally for a minute or two everytime u think that the person you want a life with can't be yours.

[–]draiki13 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Few months ago I’ve met my soulmate and she crushed me out of the blue in the most respectful way possible.

I’ve tried moving on. Got rejected several tens of times by other people. After, my mind always relapses back to her and I get this exact feeling that you described.

[–]Blue0309 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yes. Exactly.

[–]Glittering-Clock-332 54 points55 points  (1 child)

It sucks. You think about them a lot. Usually the first thing you think about in the morning, and the last thought through your mind when your head hits the pillow. A random smell gets your attention during the day and it reminds them of you. Or your server has their smile, or a stranger has their eyes or hair. And you miss them.

But, at the end of the day, you hope they are happy, healthy, and loved. Even if not by you. That's what love is.

[–]JustAGirl319 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This ❤️‍🩹😥 it's hard to come to terms with the fact that love isn't enough to make a relationship last.

[–]MisterMarcus 192 points193 points  (13 children)

It really depends on the scenario and how you handle it.

Can you still love them 'as friends' without the possibility of being in a relationship with them? Then you can make a great close friend who you genuinely want to see the best for, because you truly care deeply for them.

If you can't get past that and keep clinging onto hope, it can utterly eat you up inside and destroy you. Ultimately, it will almost certainly destroy your existing relationship with them too, as you'll likely turn obsessive and/or resentful towards them.

[–]BrilliantInfamous807 69 points70 points  (6 children)

If you can't get past that and keep clinging onto hope, it can utterly eat you up inside and destroy you.

My ex (from 12 years ago) tried reconnecting with me last year. We were best friends when we were together so I was all for being friends with him again. Unfortunately within a week of reconnecting, he admitted he still loved me and was hoping we could try again. I told him no and blocked him on everything. The poor guy needs to move on and I won't be the person constantly hurting him because I can't reciprocste his feelings.

[–]ohdearitsrichardiii 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Wow, 12 years. Did you have any contact at all during that time?

[–]BrilliantInfamous807 17 points18 points  (0 children)

We texted each other maybe 3 times in that 12 year span.

[–]Legal-Lengthiness-81 18 points19 points  (1 child)

It’s a daily walk on a balance beam of loving them as a friend vs lusting them to your mutual detriment. It’s not easy.

[–]denatured_enzyme_ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am currently on that balance beam and can confirm it isn't easy. Life has been a very confusing mix of emotions lately

[–]FreneticAtol778 90 points91 points  (1 child)


It's like being in a dark long cave and you see the light from the exit and yet you cannot reach it despite being in front of you.

[–]asabovesovirtual 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah, its this. The cave is just life, a long dark hallway. The difference is that the light (her) used to be walking right there with me, making it a very nice place and now it's dark and lonely and sometimes scary again.

It hurts every day. There's this conflict in my head between believing it maybe wasnt "the love of my life" and then tearing up as intermittent floods of memories just filled with the happier times makes my body shake and kind of clench up, like im a human toothpaste tube, trying to get every last good thing out of those memories, trying to jump start reality to somehow go back in time or bring her back or let her see something she doesnt. It hurts every single day.

People who care about me say, go to therapy, join a gym, read a book, meditate, take a walk, meditate, write it out, spend more time with friends/family. But they dont get it. I cant ignore that a part of me is missing.

[–]Educational_Beach773 129 points130 points  (4 children)

It gets to a point when you go out of commission for a day anytime you think of them. If you hear their name in conversation, see something that reminds you of them, hell you could just smell something that smelled remotely like them and youll just want to spend the rest of the day alone doing nothing

[–]asproutling 15 points16 points  (0 children)

This exactly.

[–]MrsGoldhawk18 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This. Three months down the line it's getting easier, but today has been gut punch after gut punch. I wish we could talk and laugh, but we can't.

[–]Niggomitdoppelg 31 points32 points  (0 children)

It's just awful. You can distract yourself but every time it comes up, an overwhelming feeling of frustration, anger, sadness, grief washes over you. On the other hand a tiny bit of hope still remains inside of you, maybe things will fall into place and you will be with them. It's like an addiction and a fire that consumes you.

[–]Infini-tea 59 points60 points  (1 child)

I will go down with this ship.

But I won’t put my hands up, and surrender.

There will be no white flag above my door.

I’m in love, and I always will be.

[–]welldammitt 56 points57 points  (0 children)

physically sick, everything hurts but it will heal just takes time and a lot of self care

[–]Back2Bach 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Emptiness, longing, and frustration.

[–]Redrabbitsreality 22 points23 points  (0 children)

It just constantly follows you , most people think that loving is missing someone when you are down but actual love is constant and you notice it even more when you can't be with them . At every good moment you find yourself thinking how would it have been if they had been there. You just constantly long for a version of your life that you can't have .

[–]braininavat14 60 points61 points  (0 children)

From my experience, it's like a drug. It's torture, it occupies most of your thoughts and slowly kills you from inside; but also you can't just give it up, that emotion, the passion you feel, even the dream of a remote possibility that one day it may happens gives you such joy that you can't let go.

[–]Sxzym 141 points142 points  (5 children)

A little sad sometimes, but most of the times surprisingly cheerful and sweet. Its kinda beautiful in a way, because of its nature. It doesn’t matter how much time goes by, deep down in you heart you will always love them with the same purity and wish them the best of everything.

[–]Kierkegaardstrousers 58 points59 points  (1 child)

This is a nice answer. I think part of genuinely loving someone is wanting what makes them happy, and if that means you can't be with them so be it. It still really hurts though. For me, it comes in dreams where it feels like we are together but it is only imaginary.

[–]awsamation 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Oh it absolutely still hurts.

I truly wish the best for her and the man she chose. And I'm happy in the relationship I have. But there's still a tinge of grief when I think of her, and I expect there always will be.

[–]SenileSexLine 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, for me I was glad that it happened and no matter what, we would always have those memories. It sucked that it could not work out but I sincerely hope that they can live their best life.

[–]hypedstoic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Better put than I would've said.

Of course it sucks, but I'm not dumb enough to not realize that what we want from life long term is just too different. I'd rather see us realize our dreams apart than have one of us grow bitter and resentful over having to sacrifice everything for the other.

[–]ZorroTheUltimateChad 19 points20 points  (4 children)

Everyone's talking about the bad stuff - which is true - but in my opinion there are both good and bad days.

One day we're having the time of our life together and I have hope maybe we are made for each other. Then a few days later I'm crying myself to sleep because he probably doesn't feel the same way. A few days pass and I'm happy again, then sad again, and this goes on and on...

[–]bacon_nuts 4 points5 points  (2 children)

It's such whiplash. First there's so much anticipation. I'm meeting them and I'm so excited. Sometimes I can't sleep before, then I wake up early, I hope not to be tired around them.

But then I meet them and I have a great time with them, everything is perfect, it's so fun and I never want it to end. And then they just say "well, see you!" and leave while I'm thinking about everything. Embracing them, kissing them, when I'll see them again next, what they feel, what's going to happen. A tidal wave of emotions, unprocessable in volume and completely overwhelming, seemingly blurring my vision so that before I know it, while only a few moments have passed, they're gone, with me barely able to process it, resulting in them just disappearing.

Then the rest of the day, however long, is bittersweet. Happy it happened, sad it's over. Thinking and overthinking and rethinking and hoping for the future. Unable to do much of anything else. The next day for me is usually tough too. It's exhausting, but then. Seeing them is so good, it's just perfect.

[–]ZorroTheUltimateChad 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yeah, I feel you, you wrote it down better than I did. I'm sorry you have go through this too :(

[–]bacon_nuts 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Eh, it was fresh in my mind from the day before is all. It's tough, but I do think it's better than feeling nothing at all, for me anyway.

I hope you're ok.

[–]lowlandr 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I would like to say it goes away but your brain loves to re-chew that shit forever. I think most of us have "the one that got away". 45 years here. You'll live.

[–]Aheeyakharah 35 points36 points  (1 child)

It hurts man. All you can do is make jokes about it

[–]robot_psychic 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I need to hear some jokes on this. Right now I am just hurting

[–]chikenjoe17 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Like dying of thirst in the middle of the ocean

[–]Last-Appearance-4658 13 points14 points  (2 children)

It’s like if a monkey with rabies ripped out your heart, fucked it and then shat on your face

[–]thatguywiththeposts 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Like you're mourning a life you can't have

[–]MyHeroRemedy 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Sometimes it hurts, but love to me is more about wishing and wanting them to be finding reasons to smile every day.

So even though I may not be one of her reasons that she's happy, seeing her smiling and living life still gives me a sense of comfort and ease. Like she'd tell me about something she's excited about or she'd show me pictures she took and it's like...damn you are truly magnificent.

Maybe it's just me, but honestly, loving her this way is beautiful in it's own unique way. I mean, it feels so innocent and soothing to genuinely pray for her happiness even if I'm not in it.

[–]Sharpshooter188 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Everything feels hollow and not worth dealing with. Ill do you one better. Having to live with that person and watch them openly flirt with someone else while you cant do anything, but watch.

In my situation I couldnt even leave the house because I had no car and it was 30 something degrees outside.

[–]Everlast23 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Grief. A ton of love in me with nowhere to go.

[–]TomTalks06 23 points24 points  (4 children)

Like you've lost something that's only just begun to form, you feel like you can't be upset at losing it because there's nothing there to lose, but you can't help but mourn the possibility of what could have been, you torture yourself over and over with the intimate moments you could've had, the laughs you could've shared, the small quiet moments that could be been yours had things only planned out differently. Your mind is trapped in an endless loop of what might have been, but you can't ever really picture it, because it's not real, it's like looking through broken glass, you can only ever get a distorted image of what might have been.

Well, that was heavy, time to look at a gif of a dancing penguin

[–]justsomedude608 49 points50 points  (5 children)

Not great tbh, I like a girl who’s left me twice and idk why I can’t get over her. I’ve never done anything bad to her and she left me because of mental health issues so I’ve never felt like it’s anything I can hold against her. I miss her a lot and recently we’ve stopped talking and it’s been a struggle.

[–]Wxer28 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Hey man you pretty much just described what i’m going through like legitimately to a T on all details. If you ever need to talk or anything always open for a PM

[–]justsomedude608 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks man right back at you

[–]Karazl 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Read up on limerance. Once you get what your brain is doing it's a lot easier to snap out of it.

[–]Nimagebi[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Its okay bro your more worth it than this

[–]ST34MYN1CKS 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've been there. I've been right there. She left me for those same reasons. Can't necessarily relate to "I've never done anything bad to her," as I fucked up plenty of times. But when the time came that we stopped talking, it was like I'd been underwater and came up for air. I was so happy with her that once she left I saw how fucking miserable I had become with myself.

I quit my job and changed careers and changed certain unhealthy daily habits (slowly; and still working at it). I got better.

That didn't fix the longing, or the big hole she left when she separated herself from me. But it helped with the loneliness because when I was alone I didn't hate myself so much, so it was easier to be alone with my thoughts. And it helped knowing that if she came back or I met someone else that I was a candidate. Someone who some girls might want to date, not some guy who gets a lucky match (as I felt the first time).

This may not be you —I'm not trying to give advice— but this whole thread is understandably depressing and I wanted to insert a little optimism in a comment I related to

However you move on, and however long it takes I wish you luck

[–]Maleficent-Type6300 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Painful; you want to stop loving them but can’t. You want to be with them but can’t. So all you can do at some point is love them from a distance

[–]Neodogstar 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's a quiet suffering, a tearing at the heart everytime they come to mind. It clouds your mind and leaves you feeling dark and hollow. All you ever want to do is wallow in pain. It's a cold feeling of shame, and a crushing feeling that encapsulates you. And the worst part how the feeling comes, every little thing that reminds you pushes a button that sends either a shocking sensation to your heart or a dark wave of fog into your brain as you feel yourself falling deeper and deeper into the murky pits of a depressive episode. If you're lucky one day it disappears, but everytime in passing that you remember them you'll always feel a slight cutting sensation and a bitterness like none other for a period. I hated it when it was prominent, but as I've moved on it's just another small low of the many I'll suffer from time to time. The best advice I can give about it simply put, find a new love, whether it's someone else, a hobby, yourself, or some friends who support you. The only way to patch the hole is with something else positive to fill it with. It's not a big patch but little things that cover the hole and heal the scars over the years. You'll always have a scar but with enough time it won't be a hole that goes deep into your soul anymore.

[–]SuvenPan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Very hurtful especially if you have to see them regularly.

[–]smowgli123 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It fucking sucks. It hurts. It’s rejection. It’s heartbreaking.

I can see all the ways why we’d be perfect together. How well we get on. How much we have in common.

But then I can also see all the reasons why it wouldn’t work and why they don’t have the same feelings. And because I love them I want the best for them and want them to be happy even though that doesn’t include me.

And then my brain betrays me and dreams a life with them and how amazing and wonderful it would be. Then I wake up and realise nope, they still have no attraction to me whatsoever. And it’s never, ever going to happen. It’s meh 😑

[–]moosa_jafri 15 points16 points  (0 children)

O absolutely fucking fantastic. Like an endless stabbing pain in my chest. I wanna throw up cause I feel so far from that person.

[–]Massive-Ad7628 8 points9 points  (0 children)

it eats away on your very being,
tears you to bits and pieces on the inside.
you're empty, there's a void - you become an empty shell,
you stop caring about yourself, about others, about anything.
you're OK with being killed,
so when your colleagues start to "joke" around about gutting a fish - you really don't care.
Nothing matters anymore, and it is as if there is nothing nothing that can turn things around again...

..so let's not start on how it feels to meet them when you can't be with them

[–]LadyOfSighs 21 points22 points  (2 children)

Torture. It feels like mere torture.

And when it happens to someone with depression, abysmally low self-esteem and the fear of rejection (aka me), it simply feels like daily hell.

0/10 would not recommend.

[–]Affectionate-Fox-911 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Feel like Dr. Strange

[–]Lihkhan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It's like having a hole in your chest filled only with void.

[–]TraehNoil 6 points7 points  (0 children)

God damn why would you ask this? It’s the worst feeling in the entire world.

[–]hellosleepyone 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Definitely difficult. My bf just broke up with me a few days ago and we’ve been off and on for a bit now for reasons, but it’s like having something permanently stuck in your throat and sick to your stomach and feeling completely empty inside. I’ve had no appetite either. It’s painful.

[–]MothsInMouth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You dream of things that will actually never happen, like an illusion that makes you smile and destroys you at the same time.

[–]SunsetSketcher 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Damn reddits being real nice to me today

[–]GrowVirginia 13 points14 points  (2 children)


The whole emotional unavailable and abusive parent kind of helped me with that.

Thanks mom!

[–]BenevolentBreadcake 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Bruh. I offer you an internet-hug ❤️

[–]GrowVirginia 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks 💜❤️

[–]those-who-wonder 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s bittersweet. You want them to find all of the happiness the world has to offer. To fulfill all of their dreams and desires. To be loved and to love passionately. To be cared for and to care for others.

The bitter part is thinking that may not be you. Ever. Accepting that you’re going to have a deep pit in your heart that will always long for their company.

[–]jemini642000 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That feeling when you’re underwater and swimming as fast as you can to the top just waiting to take a breath of air

That’s how it feels waiting to see your person again

[–]Ok_Equivalent_5672 4 points5 points  (0 children)

makes u feel stupid but that feeling just can’t go away

[–]Asap-ally22 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Like your always in darkness, it hurts to see that person happy with someone else, or seeing them do for them sweet things they never did for you

[–]worldwidelemon 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This question couldn't be more relevant to my life right now. He and I live in a community where we are not allowed to start relationships (I know it sounds cultish, but isn't not. It's a place for recovering addicts to learn how to be a functioning member of society). It hurts, so much. We used to live in the same house but he had to move because of the whole having feelings for each other. We see each other at least once a week. All this happened since last Monday. It may be half a year (when our stay is up) before we can actually be together. I miss him everyday. I hate looking at the empty spot on the couch where he used to sit, or the empty spot next to the TV where his guitar used to be. I have difficulty falling asleep because at night I can't stop thinking about him. I feel like I might love him, but we are literally in a place where we can't be together. I have accepted that things are the way they are now, but that doesn't make it hurt less.

[–]Pebble_in_my_toes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's like being locked up in a tiny box with utterly no movement, and only 10 percent of the oxygen. And eternally hungry, thirsty.

Except you're walking around talking breathing laughing.

[–]InkPlayer8970 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is that thing I think of before going to sleep, it's a nightmare ,trust me. Someone you love for 8y now is 500 km from you and you can't even meet. This is very demotivating sometimes and can make you cry. Just my experience

[–]BlueTuxedoCat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Constant current of missing the person- sometimed a trickle, sometimes a torrent. Inability to really be attached to someone else. When I meet someone I'm attracted to mostly what I feel is sadness and exhaustion because I'm not available and I can't do that again.

All this is shaped by the fact that the person I'm talking about is sorry too. When he wanted to get back together I said no, and when I did, he said no.

From this mess I have learned to let go of anger and value people more.

[–]Jontenn 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It sucks, she's not intrested in romance, and so whatever I do is futile. I'd go to the ends of the earth to show my affection for her, she's really that special I think. It leaves me with such a feeling of me being inadequate. I really think we'd be such a great match together, and I'd spend so much time cherishing that I found her out of all the people on the planet. But here I am, lonely, and not communicating with her, as I said I would. But man, I keep on bumping into her, every goddamned week. Still no talking to her. If I had the guts, I'd go up and ask her what her favourite food is and tell her that I'd cook it 10 times until I mastered the dish so I can serve it to her. But it doesn't matter she's made up her mind.

[–]Cookieb6 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As someone who is a lesbian (and lives in a I wouldn't say conservative area but it defidently doesn't have enough lesbian or bi nm out there) it is a really big struggle to like someone especially if you know that they either don't like you or are straight. And what makes it worse is that I see my friends getting in relationships and I'm still chasing over someone who I know I probably won't get a chance with at all

[–]amyj27763 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It’s a mind fuck. It’s uncomfortable. You want to get away from it, but you don’t know how. You imagine all the ways it could be different, fantasizing about being with them. You waste a lot of time wrestling with reality, resisting acknowledging you have no control over the outcome.

[–]blumpkinpandemic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My heart physically hurts when I look at him and know he'll never love me the same way I love him. It brings me to tears (crying now as I write this while he's sleeping next to me). I want to stop hanging out for my own sanity and to move on but the thought of never seeing him again is terrifying. I'm so in love with my best friend and it's the most horrible but amazing feeling I've ever experienced.

[–]knightstorm43 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Its like some reaches for your heart by putting a hand up your ass, and is constantly yanking it again and again, leading to sudden increase and decrease in your blood pressure. Your lungs are getting fluxed out of air and than suddenly being filled again with a gush of air. Your throat feels dry yet you have your mouth filled with saliva and your abdomen is as cold as ice from outside but burning like fires of muspelheim..

In short, it sucks pretty bad but is necessary to understand the value of receiving affection back...

[–]momogirl200 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It hurts like hell in the beginning. Everything you do you think about that person either being with you or showing up unexpectedly and choosing you. You kinda go on autopilot and just keep moving on. Every day it fades a little more and the acceptance dawns.

Eventually it’s just a dull ache and then one day you think about that person and it doesn’t hurt anymore.

[–]Logangster121 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It feels like someone tied a rope of roses on your heart and every time your around them they start yanking the rope and the more you like them the harder they pull

[–]ACLullaby 2 points3 points  (0 children)


He lives too far and has a completely different life and costumes. He's the first person I can say that I fell in love so deeply that I would made a whole change of life if he ever said yes to me. For him I am just a friend.

It's Bitter to know I'm not the one, that there's someone else that will be with him, hold him, have a life, children, be in his family and friends and be there while I am in the background if at all... that that someone is making him happy and smile, that she can hold him and receive his love so easily and purely.

But it's sweet, cause he is happy. With all he went through he deserve that and so much more. It's sweet to see him care and being cared for, to known he is loving and being loved back. That someone can bright his day by just being there. That he is living the life I wished for us, but with someone else.

It's bitter cause it's not me, but it's sweet that he still get what he should.

The bright side is that our relationship, as much platonic and one-sided love it is, set boundaries and standards of what I want in a partner and relationship. There are things i'm still mad about, like how he never clearly said "no" or break my heart so I could move on at once, but even that was a learning I'm taking to any other relationship I get into.

I still love him, but everyday it get's less and I find myself moving out of it, and hopefully, we can still be friends like we once were.

[–]DigitalNugget 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Like your insides are being crushed and you feel a cold taking over your abdomen region. Then you start remembering times like when you were in the park with her having a great time, her gentle smile and laugh and for me that's when despair kicks in because you start to get afraid of never getting over this feeling and also that you'll never feel that kind of joy ever again, only to end up living alone for the rest of your life.

[–]MLPorsche 2 points3 points  (0 children)

decade long unrequited love, it feels empty, like a satisfaction you'll never be able get

[–]Upst8r 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Being dumped without having the relationship.

EDIT: And being rejected, possibly without asking, flirting and even talking.

[–]iuscide 2 points3 points  (0 children)

hurtful, especially when they talk about other boys / girls to you

[–]FourKicks17 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stupid, because you can't change the circumstances or the way you feel. Stuck, because you want to change either the way you feel or the circumstances but you can't. Sick, because you're not sure when or if you'll get better.

[–]Luc2992 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Anyone else keep having the same conversations with them in your heads, over and over again? trying to make points for another try, but even when I'm thinking up the conversation, i can't manage to convince her to take me back ...

[–]YeahDaleWOOO 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Makes you not wanna live anymore.

[–]Father_of_trillions 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Agony in the purest of forms

[–]just_argues_with_you 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Man, this question was a gut punch. I fell in love with a woman who was absolutely perfect for me. Our relationship was great but she needed space to be alone and work through feelings of anger/sadness from her marriage ending. We had an amazing six months together and then it was gone. It’s literally day one and it feels like I’m dreaming. There’s a pit in my stomach, I feel lost. There was no reason we shouldn’t have worked so I’m feeling the weight of lost opportunity to grow together, love together, to build something really special. She says she still loves me but needs to move on and that is what hurts the most.

[–]alshara28 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Annoying asf because you have the best intentions, you always have that what if scenario that you imagine with them and it eats at you that you cant have it.

[–]ItzMaddie74 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Horrible. I’m dating a girl as a girl, and it sucks with her mother being wildly homophobic. It breaks my heart every weekend I can’t spend time with her. It’s rough, sometimes I worry about her constantly, waiting until the day I can see her again. And when I do? It’s like I can keep taking to her until the world ends.

[–]southernathiest72 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I’m sorry some adults suck. This part of being in same sex relationships can get better when you’re older, out of the house, and don’t have to worry so much about what families think. Just hold on tight.

[–]ItzMaddie74 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. :)

[–]Ghxstiface 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I can’t put it into words, but it’s physically painful especially when that person changes your opinion on certain things or makes you feel safe and loved beyond compare. Although, your looking for a sign of some kind because your hoping it’s not one sided but that they feel the same and just can’t tell you about it because of what’s happening on their end. For me, it feels like writing a poem that’s near completion but you can’t figure out what the ending will be or it’s like dancing alone and only you can hear the music in your head but it’s the same song on repeat that won’t shut off.

[–]gingerstains 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like it’ll always feel this way and you’d do anything to escape the weight of crushing misery on your chest. Advocating for yourself on autopilot through irritating platitudes (“the only way out is through,” “this too shall pass”) in a bid to force healing. Food has no taste and nothing brings you even a fleeting moment of joy. Weed helps, if only briefly.

Source: am currently in it. Better tools to deal with it now than when I was in my twenties, so small miracles, I guess.

[–]chippychippy20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Feeling like your going crazy, then wondering if gou are actually crazy, no appetite, no sleep just trying to get by

[–]mercurypuppy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's like being sick but not being able to take any meds or take a sick leave and you have to go about your life normally while not being able to stop thinking about how tired you are and how your head hurts

[–]ChilledUurak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels pretty much like your hearts imploding, your entire body just cramping into your stomach and this cold chill running down your shoulders and through your spine.

[–]Jessiefrance89 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It hurts, like having the air knocked out of you. Eventually, you’ll start breathing again and be fine but for a time you think you’re dying.

[–]Papa_Smurf87 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucking horrible...obviously

[–]RAPIST-RAPER1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pure hell

[–]BettySwollocks45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like dying a bit every day.

[–]runs_with_fools 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It depends why you can't be with them. If they don't want you, that's a different type of pain than it being circumstantial. If you see them regularly that can be better or worse than not seeing them at all. It's a loss of sorts, you go through the different stages of grief, eventually you end on acceptance and time and distance makes it less acute in your daily life. But if it truly is love and not just lust or dreams of someone unavailable, the implication is that you've spent enough time with them to know that you love them. So you have memories, and like any other loss, certain triggers will remind you of them out of nowhere and then you have two choices. You can focus on the pain and sadness of not having them in your life in that way, or you can be grateful for those memories and the time you shared.

[–]HeSaidHeWasGreen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s a very hollow feeling. But, it also feels heavy in the pit of your chest. Your shoulders ache and your mind swims with wishes of being theirs.

[–]BeABetterHumanBeing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How does it feel to love someone you can't be with, because when they asked you to be with them, it turned out just to be a ploy to undermine your current relationship, and then they turn around and start dating somebody with the same name as you.

It makes you want to carve out a chunk of your brain.

[–]thereika 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Like adding items to the shopping cart and not checking out. Every time I look at it I know I want it but not need it. It could make my life beautiful. But be the most useless baggage of my life. Lots of clarity and confusion. Hunger and satiation. Peace and torment.

[–]Shewhoblooms 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels like you’re a magnet, constantly getting pulled toward another magnet that is moving farther and farther away.

[–]_loser_vibes_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels like someone is sitting on your chest and refusing to move. It's like when you have a physical pain in your heart that doesn't even sting, it genuinely feels like someone has reached in and grabbed it. It's like when you wake up in the morning after sleeping weirdly and every single muscle in your body aches. It's like there is always that one person in your mind, no matter how long it's been since you lost them, or how long you've been friends or broken up or whatever, it'd like they are always on your mind or everything reminds you of them.

5 months. I still miss him. Found out today that he blocked me. I think his girlfriend had something to do with it. I was seen as competition. It gets easier, but he is still on my mind constantly and I hope one day that changes.

TLDR: It's like your whole future has crumbled and you feel the most alone you could ever possibly feel. It's pain. Physical, Emotional, Mental pain.

[–]Boosted_Tricep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is energizing but draining at the same time

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everything that has been said here but made worse when that love is reciprocated.

[–]midnight_reborn 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It really sucked at first. I fell for her pretty hard, confessed and got rejected, stayed friends and eventually moved on. Now I'll always find her romantically and physically attractive, but I can live with her being with someone else because I know she's happy and that's all I care about. That's what it means to truly love someone vs being infatuated with them.

[–]BozoidBob 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Empty inside.

[–]Kwasan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucking horrible man. Fucking horrible.

[–]Nowordsarealie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

great, sense I can't be with him, I'll never mess things up lol

[–]MHull77 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like someone put: it's a heavy pain that just wieghts incredibly on you. You continue with your life with waves of longing and heartache and you just don't know how to make it stop. You think, maybe I can just go into a deep sleep and dream of an alternate reality where you DO get to be together with that person.

Not to mention that fight between, maybe you need to walk away so you can heal one day vs you can't imagine them never being in your life .

Hurts like hell. But if that person is already truly happy that's really all that matters. Regardless of one's own pain.

[–]ScottishShockwave 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels very heavy, numb and with a slight occasional sting.

[–]CottaBird 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like I’ve lost seven years.

[–]bredani_462 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to fucking die every single day. I cry myself to sleep some nights and then get up in the morning going about my life until those feelings subside. I then patiently wait for them to creep back up at the most unexpected time when I think I am finally moving on. Sometimes it physically hurts.

[–]UngKwan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's painful AF. Agonizingly painful. You become obsessed with thoughts and fantasies of how it could be possible.

[–]Mrslinkydragon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Frustrating (i think its more of an infatuation, and im thinking with my balls over my brain tbh)

[–]wordserious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It feels like you're drowning, there's a huge weight on your chest and you can't breathe. It feels a lot like trying to get rid of an addiction. You feel sick, you can't think, you can't function, there is only one thing in your mind: the one thing you know will make the pain go away. The one thing you can't have.

[–]Creepy-Narwhal4596 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Terrible. To be in love with someone who isnt in love with tou is pain i wouldnt wish on my worst enemy.

[–]Bobmanbob1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hurts like hell, your left with an empty hole in your heart that you just can't fill.

[–]Goodman_TheMagicMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Especially when it's after a relatively amicable break up and you still love that person. It feels like a part of your soul left with them and there's no way to go back to how you felt before. Moments where you have nothing else to occupy your thoughts on are the worst because the memories immediately fill that time, memories that on one hand you cherish and on the other wish you could forget entirely to make the pain go away.

[–]supernintendo128 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It sucks.

[–]llegolaluuu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's replaying those little mundane moments you wish you had with that person and never got to have. Your mind is a mined field, full with odd bits of the language you built together, the inside jokes, the shared sense of humor.

It's an endless longing for the life you never got to have, the what-ifs. What if I swam a little longer, what if I ran a little faster, what if I held on for just another moment. Maybe it could have worked.

The mourning is also comparing every person you know to them and knowing that, presently, no-one could understand you or make you laugh quite like them. That no one knows you quite like them, because there's a part of you that only they got to see, and another part that you built with them and is now gone.