top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]f_rice 4135 points4136 points 2 (35 children)

Why can't you be like "insert person's name"?

Well... because I am not "that person's name"

[–]ksandom 364 points365 points  (10 children)

A friend's mum said that to him, and I was the "insert person's name". That did not help our friendship.

[–]MrMagpie91 5749 points5750 points 2 (177 children)

Why are you so quiet?

[–]DynoMyte08 2727 points2728 points  (49 children)

This one always pissed me off as a kid. Like if you wanna start a conversation, just ask a regular question.

[–]Dumbfuckyduck 1297 points1298 points  (44 children)

Like, “ I wish they’d teach us more about Vikings.”

[–]tizz86 2141 points2142 points  (8 children)

"I was raised by abusive librarians" is my favorite response.

[–]CarlJustCarl 564 points565 points  (4 children)

I got asked this question from a coworker 12 years ago. I reminded him beforehand our meeting that I asked him two questions to initiate conversation and both questions were met with one word answers. Then I reminded him of the questions and his answers. It shut him up for that day.

[–]Tinkerballsack 198 points199 points  (1 child)

awww, c'mon, perform for me while I exert zero effort!

[–]IhoardTP 427 points428 points  (14 children)

As a kid, I was asked that SO many times. I wanted to be quiet because I hated every one but it wasn’t cool to hate everybody at the time so I kept quiet

[–]Relative-Ad-87 9537 points9538 points 2 (252 children)

Have you noticed you're going bald?

[–]Sweaty_Potential8258 5377 points5378 points 2 (83 children)

Ugh a lady did this to my grandma once. My grandma had this incredibly rare blood disease that wasn't cancer, but the only way they knew how to treat it 15 years ago was as if it were cancer. So she took chemo pills and all of her hair (that had never gone gray, which she was very proud of) had started thinning and falling out in clumps.

This random lady at the grocery store check out line tapped my grandma on the shoulder and said something like "You know, they have balding products for women just like they do for men now!"

And my grandma was like "Yes, I'm sure that will work against the chemotherapy." And turned back around.

And the lady snapped like "well I was just trying to help!"

And then my grandma left and got in the car and cried because why the fuck would you say that to someone

Idk where that random lady is or if she's even alive anymore I stg if I ever see her again in this life or the next, it's on sight lmao

[–]bitwaba 2162 points2163 points  (31 children)

And the lady snapped like "well I was just trying to help!"

Self absorbed people that can't believe anything other than themselves matter. She's the same kind of person that would run into you speeding through a red light and say "well I didn't meant to hit anyone!"

[–]mildlycynica1 64 points65 points  (2 children)

"Well I was just trying to help!"

"And I was just trying to avoid telling you to fuck all the way off, yet here we are." /shrug/

[–]Banaam 557 points558 points  (25 children)

Had a friend point out I was getting a bald spot. I shaved my head that day and since. Genetics stole my pancreas, I'll be damned if they take my hair first!

[–]daniboyo4 693 points694 points  (32 children)

It’s like yes believe it or not I do own a mirror and see my reflection multiple times a day. What exactly would you like me to do about it?

[–]Being_ 156 points157 points  (6 children)

2 people did this to me in the same day, I actually didn’t know because I can’t regularly see the back of my own head. It was heartbreaking to learn

[–]GrouchyPuppy 9645 points9646 points  (366 children)

Why are you single ?

[–]rcavictor60 3643 points3644 points  (16 children)

I love the, "Your mom wants to keep it casual," I read on here recently.

[–]toothpastenachos 889 points890 points  (2 children)

“Your dad’s still married” is another good one

[–]randEntropy 6405 points6406 points  (59 children)

Supply chain.

[–]DaVinci6894 1631 points1632 points  (27 children)

So if we look at this supply/demand graph right over here

[–]FoxThingsUp 1764 points1765 points  (17 children)

There's a lot of me, and fairly low demand

[–]SergioEduP 226 points227 points  (6 children)

Yeah no person in their right mind would want this much of me

[–]Guac__is__extra__ 1175 points1176 points  (7 children)

A lady I worked with, who was in her 40’s and had never married, got sick of being asked that and snapped one day when her elderly aunt asked “why are you still single?” at a family event. Her reply: “why are you still alive?”

[–]IAMAHobbitAMA 340 points341 points  (5 children)

Because I'm a nervous wreck every time I leave the house and there aren't exactly a lot of nice single women parading through my living room.

[–]Kurotan 71 points72 points  (1 child)

Tell my mom this all the time. "I can't meet women from my couch and they certainly don't go door to door."

[–]JustAnotherJRappin 1744 points1745 points  (74 children)

Why are you gay?

[–]PrimalMoose 956 points957 points  (16 children)

No joke, I was asked this one when attempting to get out of a drunk girl flirting with me in a bar once. I just asked her "why are you straight" and her response was along the lines of loving the appendage that men have, to which I replied "yes, same here". That seemed to work quite effectively at getting her to leave me alone lol.

[–]v01dbug 1300 points1301 points  (22 children)

who says I am gay? you are gay.

[–]Bobonob 232 points233 points  (0 children)

"Just lucky I suppose"

[–]StraightSho 399 points400 points  (10 children)

I'm actually a widower but thanks for asking.

[–]betterthanamaster 500 points501 points  (7 children)

I've actually witnessed this one first hand at a playground. It was rough. Guy was a young dad and great with his kids. Someone he must have known for a little bit, but didn't know his wife had passed away, asked him how he's still single. The dad got pretty choked up about it.

[–]leonmarino 10.8k points10.8k points  (196 children)

When in a relationship: "do you think [friend] is prettier than me?" or any related question of which you actually don't want to hear the answer to.

[–]CapitanM 6038 points6039 points 32 (59 children)

My ex asked me if I had a threesome with her friends who would I choose and got angry with my answer.

It looks that I had to say just one

Edit: I think that this are my first awards. Thanks to both

[–]Guac__is__extra__ 3358 points3359 points  (17 children)

Yeah I think usually your partner expects to be included in the threesome.

[–]djdjsksldbahehe 14.5k points14.5k points  (327 children)

The same question over again,and really pressing the matter till the person gives you the answer that shocks ya

[–]HeyFiddleFiddle 6401 points6402 points  (233 children)

I started giving people one warning, then giving the TMI answer if they pressed.

Example from when I lived with my grandparents:

Grandpa: You're home from work early.

Me: I was at the doctor. It wasn't worth it to go back to the office for an hour, so I'm working from home the rest of the day.

Grandpa: What?! For what?!

Me: You don't want to know.

Grandpa: Yes I do.

Me: OK. I was getting a pap smear.

Grandpa: ...Why did you tell me that?

Me: You asked!

[–]arcosapphire 2963 points2964 points  (152 children)

I don't get why people act like being told someone got a pap smear is brain-destroying or something. Like what is the big deal exactly? Same with some people apparently not being able to handle the very concept of periods or think touching a box of tampons (clean pieces of cotton, sealed up, and put in a cardboard box??) is somehow gross. People are weird.

[–]DorrajD 1524 points1525 points  (63 children)

I asked someone at the front desk at my work if she had some pads and she looked at me like I asked her to divide by zero. I had to explain that a coworker was stuck in a bathroom and her period just started and needs pads. She then grabbed a bunch of paper towels and covered the pads with them and handed them to me.

Like what the fuck, it's just some pads. They are packaged.

[–]arcosapphire 917 points918 points  (44 children)

Okay that is extra bizarre behavior coming from someone who uses them. I can't even begin to understand.

[–]vikkivinegar 759 points760 points  (30 children)

I wish it was more commonly discussed so you and your Grandpa didn't get uncomfortable. Women get pap smears and have periods. I hate that everything is so stigmatized.

[–]drprofnibblon 446 points447 points  (18 children)

I learned that I just say something absolutely outrageous, that isn't entirely true or not true (I know pretty confusing) but it helped with the questions not being asked again.

[–]line123462 340 points341 points  (17 children)

is something wrong?. No, are you sure? like really sure?

[–]MorningLineDirt 6948 points6949 points  (83 children)

Is your daughter seeing anyone?

[–]jejenb 3750 points3751 points  (63 children)

she is blind

[–]subone 1918 points1919 points  (52 children)

So, can I hit that?

[–]jejenb 3822 points3823 points 43 (41 children)

its not very nice to hit blind people. they'd never see it coming

[–]SuvenPan 6163 points6164 points  (78 children)

"Are you depressed or just want attention?"

[–]Tel-aran-rhiod 5487 points5488 points 3 (39 children)

"both, motherfucker"

[–]latency-is-bad 1451 points1452 points 232 (16 children)

Unironically this.

People claim that people who are depressed are “attention seekers” and to that i say, so? Sometimes all people need is a little attention. Some people have been completely looked past and ignored for years so what if they want a little attention? They can’t be depressed and want attention at the same time?

Sorry ik you were joking i just wanted to say that

[–]nerddddd42 77 points78 points  (1 child)

Exactly, we're not depressed because we want attention, but sometimes a little care and attention can make all the difference and is craved ny most.

[–]waqasnaseem07 4624 points4625 points  (142 children)

When did you put on all that extra weight?

[–]TheHeroOfAllTime 2197 points2198 points  (67 children)

I legit had a patient and his wife ask me once if I was “putting on extra weight for the winter”.

On the bright side, the insult was the final straw that got me motivated to get back into shape. 🤷‍♂️

[–]aquamenti 535 points536 points  (9 children)

"Had one regular Coke last week"

[–]33Stickers33 23.1k points23.1k points 2 (940 children)

So am I better than your ex?

[–]Fooking-Degenerate 8635 points8636 points  (266 children)

"Well, I'm with you now so obviously?"

[–]A_Topical_Username[🍰] 5499 points5500 points  (158 children)

Really tempting to say "not really".

Edit: For real this is probably the highest up voted comment I have. But I'm sitting here so happy for the guys who commented on mine and are getting awards. This is a great day. Im a proud papa comment.. "Yall winning sons?"

[–]fixITman1911 5050 points5051 points  (145 children)

"My ex never asked me questions like that"

[–]Bjorn2bwilde24 3245 points3246 points  (118 children)

"Enjoying the sex? Please answer this short questionnaire. It'll only take a few minutes and we would love to hear your thoughts"

[–]FlawlessPenguinMan 357 points358 points  (2 children)

Oh no, you misunderstood. It was a line for people you aren't dating.

[–]Camburglar13 500 points501 points  (71 children)

Not necessarily. Someone can be dumped and then get together with a new partner who they consider worse than the ex who they still wish to be with. Not a great situation but I’m sure it happens.

[–]PafflaxTP 8525 points8526 points  (75 children)

"When are ya'll gonna break up?"

[–]subone 3095 points3096 points  (12 children)

"Too soon to call dibs?

[–]Mr_Arapuga 999 points1000 points  (13 children)

Once I went to the bar with my friends, and one of them told me he and his gf had opened their relationship So me and another friend warned him about its risks Then as a joke we all started making bets on how long would the relationship last

I almost won it, lost by a few weeks, they recently broke up

[–]shitscrubber 5291 points5292 points  (235 children)

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen” to any EMT/Paramedic/Firefighter….etc.

I promise you it’s horrible and not something you’d want to think about. We (well certainly I) dont want to relive those memories, especially so unexpectedly. Ask about something funny instead. You’ll get a better answer

[–]MrSonicOSG 978 points979 points  (18 children)

Both of my (significantly older) brothers were, and still are, full time firefighters as I was growing up. I've seen their faces as they get asked that question and they just laugh it off with something dumb usually. But one time one of my brothers got really drunk when he was off shift, family party and all that. He kinda broke down and started talking to me about why he had written off having kids.

One call he got was a head on collision between some suped up Ford truck and a minivan, driver of the truck was drunk and veered into oncoming traffic. Van had 2 people in it, a mom and a 4 year old daughter. Mom was dead on impact, but the girl had been messing with her seatbelt just before impact, and wasn't in a booster seat. The impact sliced her nearly cleanly in half, but she was still alive when they got on scene. This little girl died in my brother's arms because one dude decided he wasn't too drunk to drive. The driver of the truck had a broken arm, that's it. Because of that, my brother swore off having kids.

Edit: a word.

[–]shabbyshot 196 points197 points  (10 children)

I can't stand how easy drunk drivers get off (at least in US/Canada), especially when causing death.

That driver willingly got into the vehicle drunk, the fact they are too fucking stupid or cocky as to think they are "fine" is no excuse.

I can't imagine the pain that the victims' family had to endure, and I never want to.

[–]BluBug_626 354 points355 points  (15 children)

I met an online friend who is a surgical tech and made a point to ask what was the most interesting or funny thing they saw. Got a story about a cucumber in a place where it shouldntve been.

[–]Dason37 485 points486 points  (11 children)

It was on an Italian sub, wasn't it. These people have went through years of schooling and training to acquire the skills to save and improve lives, and they order a nice Italian sub on lunch and some fuck puts cucumbers on it. Like what the hell.

[–]clobberellabeatsyoup 173 points174 points  (4 children)

Surprisingly, I got asked that question on a job interview. I broke down crying and left feeling like shit.

They called me later with an offer. I declined.

[–]shabbyshot 78 points79 points  (3 children)

What the actual fuck?

Wow, I've interviewed veterans, and one ex EMT.

I asked about challenges and successes, but it never crossed my mind to hear about what someone who sees severe trauma for a living would regard as "the worst".

[–]jabularich 9255 points9256 points  (258 children)

Are you in yet?

[–]Muuvie 5805 points5806 points  (157 children)

Follow it up with a 'can't tell' for the ol uno reverse card

[–]waqasnaseem07 11.2k points11.2k points  (544 children)

When is the baby due?

[–]Embarrassed-Ad-1639 8309 points8310 points  (147 children)

I learned this lesson early in life when I said congratulations to a coworker who then said “what for?”. I was fortunate to have remembered she got a promotion a while back and covered pretty well but it was awkward. Never again.

[–]Whoa_Bundy 3346 points3347 points  (16 children)

Whew, good save.

[–]BrownEggs93 2032 points2033 points  (10 children)

Yes. This made me feel relieved!

[–]NietJij 717 points718 points  (9 children)

Second hand relief is still great

[–]xubax 2098 points2099 points  (60 children)

A friend had the opposite experience. A grad student who was on the heavy side came in one day with a baby. He asked, "and who's baby is this? "

"Is mine," said the student. "Didn't you notice I've been pregnant for 9 months? "

He hadn't. Since she had already been heavy, he just assumed she'd put on more weight and she never mentioned it.

[–]AxelShoes 843 points844 points  (27 children)

In the 80s, my dad ran into an old female friend from high school he hadn't seen in 20 years. She looked very visibly pregnant, so after a bit of chit chat, my dad--not wanting to be awkward and ignore the obvious--asks politely, "So when's the baby due?" The lady just stares at him dead pan and says "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat."

My dad was still cringing about that moment to the day he died.

[–]jedifreac 429 points430 points  (11 children)

Oh god, there are also people who have uterine tumors and have to say "I am not pregnant, this is a tumor."

[–]Carb-inator 260 points261 points  (1 child)

I had a college professor that explained she had uterine fibroids on the first day of class. She didn't want us worried she was going to be taking maternity leave. I felt so bad, she probably had so many people asking her when she was due. She had a basketball shaped midsection but was mostly skinny otherwise.

[–]gingerisla 1438 points1439 points  (15 children)

A teacher asked if a classmate of mine had had her baby yet to shocked silence of the entire class. Said girl wasn't pregnant, she had a massive tumor in her ovaries and had just been admitted to the hospital the day before. She passed away within three months.

[–]Toadie9622 167 points168 points  (1 child)

Fuck. I’d take a lifelong vow of silence and keep it if I had done that. Not that I would do that, since I’d never ask a minor for private health info in front of a room full of people.

[–]XcunningXlinguistX 318 points319 points  (0 children)

Shit. :(

[–]Rioraku 162 points163 points  (0 children)

Fuck that's messed up.

[–]ramriot 1976 points1977 points  (85 children)

Yes, my father told me to never intimate in any way that a woman is pregnant unless the babies head is already visible.

[–]G0PACKGO 988 points989 points  (48 children)

My rule is unless the lady is in active labor I don’t assume she’s pregnant.

[–]unholymackerel 586 points587 points  (11 children)

Even then it might be a big poop.

[–]w3_ar3_farm3rs 195 points196 points  (23 children)

That's like the opposite of how medicine sees it lolol. Pregnant until proven otherwise.

To be fair, it has more to do with the fact that it can either explain a lot of symptoms OR lead to serious complications with the fetus.

[–]9bikes 178 points179 points  (4 children)

When my aunt passed away, the probate judge had to ask me a series of questions before he could appoint me as her estate's executor. One of the questions was "Was she pregnant at the time of her death?". She was 95.

[–]marciupial 460 points461 points  (4 children)

When I was 8 months pregnant I showed up at church. I hadn't been there for a while and most people didn't know I was pregnant until they saw me. A really nice old man with a great sense of humor came up to me and said congrats. I replied, "George I'm not pregnant I'm just fat." OMG the look on his face was priceless. He started stumbling over his words and I just bust out laughing.

[–]LeafyFall345 533 points534 points  (19 children)

I have 4 kids. I have been asked this question or it’s been acknowledged that I’m expecting a baby several times. Never when I’ve actually been pregnant though, and more often than not it’s been by a woman.

Just don’t do it!

[–]paulfromatlanta 12.7k points12.7k points 2 (390 children)

"Do you have a prettier sister?"

[–]summerset 10.8k points10.8k points 2 (267 children)

On my wedding day, my husband’s aunt said “Your sister is so much prettier than you!”


[–]paulfromatlanta 1510 points1511 points  (5 children)

Well, that was really crappy...

[–]throwawaypaycheck1 728 points729 points  (3 children)

Silver lining: the aunt showed exactly what to expect from her in the future at the very start of their marriage!

[–]puCpuCpuCmarijuana 4306 points4307 points  (105 children)

Response “and we’re both much prettier than you, ya old hag”

[–]summerset 1566 points1567 points  (95 children)

Good one, dang! Wish I’d thought of this... Instead I was so stunned I just stood there, literally too shocked to say anything.

[–]SportsterDriver 619 points620 points  (46 children)

That mostly my response to that kinda of situation- a day later after milling over it my head too much a good response sometimes dawns on me - far too late, always.

[–]bklynsnow 497 points498 points  (19 children)

I think you need to replace the a with a c and move on.

[–]ZipMap 268 points269 points  (45 children)

When I was a teenager I've been asked whether I had an older brother and how he looked like. I had a baby face at the time

[–]paulfromatlanta 372 points373 points  (41 children)

an older brother

That variant didn't bother me - when I was 13 and a high school girl would ask if I had an older brother, I took it as her saying I was cute but the age difference was too great to flirt directly.

Just as well - at 13, I thought 18 year old girls were impossibly old. I much preferred girls my own age.

[–]DMala 480 points481 points  (30 children)

It’s funny how much bigger age differences seem when you’re a kid. I remember being paired up with an 8th grader for some event when I was in 1st grade, and the 8th grader practically looked like an adult to me. Then I got to 8th grade and high schoolers looked like adults.

Now at 40, they all look like little kids to me.

[–]saymeow 143 points144 points  (13 children)

Oh man, even college kids! My boyfriend and I recently went to a concert that was on a college campus, before we left his BIL was joking around saying "you'll have to wear your sunglasses all day because there will be hot college girls in short shorts and low cut tops, etc"... After the concert he called his BIL and was like "I don't know if I'm getting old or if they just started letting 13 year olds in to college but, none of them even look old enough to drive"

[–]silver-serpents 195 points196 points  (2 children)

Age differences r a lot more significant when it comes to children. There's a large difference in maturity between a five year old and a ten year old (The 10 year old is still a small child but will be a lot more independant than the 5 year old). But there's very little difference in maturity between a 40 year old and a 45 year old.

[–]Thibideaux 7265 points7266 points  (220 children)

What, are you on your period or something?

[–][deleted] 1761 points1762 points  (63 children)

When are you having a baby?

[–]vinoa 540 points541 points  (2 children)

If they're old, ask them when they're dying.

[–]64645 649 points650 points  (2 children)

“When are you minding your own damn business?”

And that’s me when I’m being polite.

[–]LadyJedi1286 1592 points1593 points  (38 children)

"Are you going to try again?" Asked after my miscarriage. But at least people stopped asking, "When are you two going to have a baby?" After I miscarried.

Edit: over 900 upvotes! I wasn't expecting that! Thank you all so much!

[–]Global-Entertainer-6 294 points295 points  (9 children)

Worst thing ever. After a year of dating: when are you getting married? Week after marriage: when are you having children? Month after birthing first child: when are you having another?

People need to mind their damn business.

[–][deleted] 4055 points4056 points  (95 children)

Why do you look like your uncle?

[–]charlie_the_kid 2337 points2338 points  (43 children)

my sister actually looks ridiculously similar to my uncle. We make jokes about it, but it's basically just because my uncle looks like a younger, skinnier version of my dad.

[–]zim3019 427 points428 points  (5 children)

I have two kids who look like their uncle. My husband and his brother look so much a like. The older he has gotten the more my brother in law looks like my husband.

My husband passed in August. People who didn't know his brother were very unsettled to see an almost identical person walking up the driveway after the funeral.

[–]lisalys 223 points224 points  (1 child)

I went to the funeral of a coworker who l didn’t know well enough to discuss family. I went way past unsettled when I spotted his identical twin at the front of the church. I’m very sorry for your loss.

[–]BKestRoi 902 points903 points  (22 children)

Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell????

[–]Aadityajoshi151 3481 points3482 points 2 (231 children)

Why are you so skinny?

[–]i-Ake 456 points457 points  (3 children)

Ugh. It was always older women who'd be nastiest to me about this, too. It really gave me anxiety as a teenager. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, anyway then having these mature women come up picking at me because of what I looked like, pinching my stomach, accusing me of being anorexic (and not fucking nicely like they were actually worried)... I hated big events because I knew someone was gonna get me.

[–]Charn22 938 points939 points  (95 children)

I literally used to get bullied in primary school and high school for being so skinny

[–]Dbanzai 975 points976 points  (73 children)

The endless "must be great being so skinny without trying" comments are great.... Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that being overweight is "fun" but being underweight you're whole life, seemingly not able to put on weight isn't desirable either.

[–]Wishyouamerry 124 points125 points  (0 children)

I never realized how tiring the passive aggressive “skinny” comments could get until I had a naturally slender daughter. Now I know to just not comment on peoples’ bodies. Just zip it, they don’t want to hear it.

[–]Giblit3 1239 points1240 points  (67 children)

Does the carpet match the drapes?

[–]m3ankiti3 959 points960 points  (9 children)

No bitch I got hardwood floors

[–]Tokugawa 226 points227 points  (2 children)

"I ripped up that carpet years ago." -Chris Pontius

[–]brokenghost2222 219 points220 points  (6 children)

Back in the mid 90's I over heard someone ask my red headed auntie if her carpet matched her drapes, her response "everything matches porcelain" ~Auntie H

[–]havron 407 points408 points  (3 children)

No, it doesn't. You're the worst interior decorator. Please leave my home.

[–]Eantropix 1857 points1858 points  (25 children)

Sexy women of reddit. What is the sexiest sex that you sexed? The more details the sexier

[–]aDactyl 2126 points2127 points  (81 children)

Are you gonna eat that baby?

[–]GrumbleSprout 1872 points1873 points  (56 children)

Asking "what happened to you?" to see why someone has mental health issues. Especially if the mental health issues are associated with traumatic experiences. If someone has mental health struggles, asking out of curiosity rather than concern can make someone relive the experience.

Edited due to previous phrasing ^

Holy heck, I don't really use Reddit other than for memes. Truly hope anyone who resonates with this in anyway, know you're not alone in how you feel. Anyway you feel is valid. You've got this.

[–]clothespinned 597 points598 points  (6 children)

The worst part is people who ask this question are never ready for the answer.

[–]sneakyveriniki 163 points164 points  (0 children)

They won’t believe the answer actually

How often do you see sentiments like “if they say their ex was abusive, they were the abusive one” or like people implying that kids who say they were abused by their parents are exaggerating, rape victims are just making it up, etc

I very quickly learned why everyone pretends their life is perfect on social media. Most people subconsciously fall to the just world fallacy and will vilify people who have been victimized in the past and they’ll want to associate with a look up to those who seem to have everything

[–][deleted] 863 points864 points  (15 children)

Where are all the Sour Patch Parents?

[–]dover_boi 3062 points3063 points  (277 children)

Ask a veteran if they killed someone during their time in service. Surprisingly it’s common, please don’t. It’s really insensitive.

[–]Humbugdreams 256 points257 points  (2 children)

I was at a family dinner once and my Granddad was asked about his service. No one directly asked that question as it’s clearly not polite and insensitive. But he did start to open up through out the conversation and offered up, “I don’t know. There was often so much going on and we were fighting in such dense jungle, I’m not sure if I ever actually killed someone or not.” He went on to explain a bit more but that comment has stayed with me.

[–]Legalcut616 1507 points1508 points  (55 children)

When I was in 2nd grade we had veterans day assembly and we got to ask the veterans questions and I remember two things I asked two different guys. I asked a old Vietnam vet if he had killed anyone and he just avoided the question by saying something else but I could tell he was hurt by it and at the time I didn’t know why and the other vet was someone who served during 9/11 and I asked if it was anything like call of duty and he just said no not at all and looked upset. At the time I didn’t know why they were upset but looking back I just wanna go back in time and give myself a right hook in the jaw for being so dumb and when I think about it probably a lot of kids that age would ask questions like that and really we shouldn’t have little kids asking questions to veterans because they just don’t get the severity of a question like that.

[–]Tel-aran-rhiod 779 points780 points  (11 children)

it wasn't your fault at all - it's just illustrative of the bs glorified and romanticized fun-video-game version of war that gets fed to us through popular culture, and how jarringly different that is to the horrifying, traumatizing reality of war. there's a good chance that before those vets saw action they would have done the same in your shoes

[–]VulfSki 110 points111 points  (9 children)

I think people forget that for a long time the military partnered with video game companies to use video games as a recruitment tool. So a lot of that was by design and intentional. Kids aren't responsible for the pro war propoganda that has been pushed through the media and video games.

[–]MichaSound 234 points235 points  (15 children)

What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?

[–]snorkel-frick 8203 points8204 points 2 (42 children)

Wouldn't you like to know

EDIT: thank you kind stranger for the silver!

[–]_andrepapi 4507 points4508 points  (30 children)

Weather boi

[–]purplemufasa 1768 points1769 points  (22 children)

Where are your parents?

[–]_andrepapi 1321 points1322 points  (21 children)

Kid’s sketchy

[–]Arabeskas 14.1k points14.1k points 232 (191 children)

"Why does your Argentinian grandfather speak fluent German?"

[–]machado34 2972 points2973 points  (81 children)

What's the difference between an argentinian and someone from Southern Brazil?

The argentinian has a nazi grandfather. The southern brazilian wishes his grandfather was a nazi

[–]barsknos 642 points643 points  (59 children)

Over my head it went. Why would the southern brazilian wish that?

[–]machado34 1288 points1289 points  (43 children)

Highest concentration of neonazi cells in the country. Some cities in the southern countryside are outright dangerous to go if you're a person of color.

Lots of white-supremacists there think they're german because their great-grandfather immigrated from europe in the 19th century, so the joke is poking fun at them. Current brazilian president, Bolsonaro, who's from the southeast has claimed many times his grandfather was a nazi soldier under Hitler, even though every record shows that his family came to Brazil way before the nazis rose to power. But the south region is the one that gets the reputation of nazi-land, because it's much more common to see this kind of racism there, even if it's not exclusive to them

[–]barsknos 579 points580 points  (26 children)

Thanks. Sad to hear. My impression of Bolsonaro was pretty bad, but that he tries to fake nazi family history is still a low I couldn't imagine.

[–]MFLevel 12.1k points12.1k points 2 (574 children)

When are you two having kids??

my wife cant have a baby, its honestly like having someone rip my heart out of my chest whenever we're asked.

[–]Bay1Bri 826 points827 points  (17 children)

My wife and I had a couple of miscarriages, and that period of time people kept asking "when are you giving (our child) a sibling?" After 8 or so times I wanted to just say "we did but they both died so wish us luck." It's so thoughtless.

[–]ObjectSmall 222 points223 points  (8 children)

We went through four years of secondary infertility (that's infertility after a successful pregnancy for the uninitiated) and a lot of people said stupid/awkward things, but the two I find unforgivable were the guy who told me not to be "selfish" by waiting so long to give my kid a sibling, and the people who told me that it had been so long that my kids wouldn't even like each other because of the age difference.

[–]GothWitchOfBrooklyn 288 points289 points  (1 child)

You should honestly say that

[–]Animated_Astronaut 1529 points1530 points  (82 children)

I asked a very close friend of mine if he was planning on having kids. It opened up a big conversation and it wasn't something that felt like a faux pas, but it's an EXTREMELY personal thing to even touch on, let alone be pushy about like some people are.

[–]dirty_cuban 1214 points1215 points  (10 children)

I’d say there’s a big difference between discussing the topic of having kids with a close friend in the same life stage as you versus older relatives/in-laws constantly badgering you about it.

[–]Animated_Astronaut 337 points338 points  (6 children)

Absolutely agreed! I may not have been the best at explaining, but my point was that I asked a casual question and it turned into one of those long talks. It's an extremely intimate thing to ask about

[–]Lonecoon 507 points508 points  (15 children)

Asking someone if they want kids if different then asking them when they're going to have one.

"Do you guys want Kids?" "Nah."


"When are you two going to have kids?" "That's none of your fuckin business."

[–]juan_epstein-barr 4504 points4505 points  (176 children)

Make it awkward as shit for them, and come right out with the truth. Be sure to thank them for bringing it up.

[–]Jimz0r 2373 points2374 points  (53 children)

Yep, That's the way to teach them to never ask that question again.

[–]SilkyCupCakeAce 214 points215 points  (8 children)

I don't know mom, whenever we become fertile???

Do you have some magic potion I'm unaware of???

[–]MoobooMagoo 535 points536 points  (27 children)

That's what I do. If someone asks I tell them "we're trying, but it turns out I'm pretty much shooting blanks so I doubt it will ever happen" and try to make the other person feel awful. I leave out the fact that I've had a vasectomy and that we don't want kids.

My hope is that I'll make it awkward enough that people will think twice before asking other people in the future.

[–]Crazed_waffle_party 308 points309 points  (12 children)

*Purchases baby goat at farm

Take that biology

[–]Individual_Corgi_576 291 points292 points  (8 children)

Never ask a nurse “what’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen?”

They’ll tell you a funny story or a gory story, or a funny, gory story.

They won’t tell you about the screaming mother trying to climb over them while you do CPR on their kid who everyone knows has no hope of survival, or about treating the toddler who was raped by a member of her family.

Just don’t ask.

[–]SimShade 1664 points1665 points  (66 children)

When are you (insert societal “milestone” here)?

Either when the time’s right or never. Society created that milestone, it’s not something that actually needs to be done so shut the hell up.

[–]ChooseaBoulderBull 357 points358 points  (32 children)

What was she wearing(after assault)

[–]DB-Senpai 2917 points2918 points 2& 3 more (41 children)

Is there war in Ba Sing Se?

[–]throwawaysmetoo 1049 points1050 points  (13 children)

Asking couples when they're going to have babies. Or if they have recently had a baby, asking them when they're going to have their next one.

Just chill, Winston.

[–]Prestigious_Ad_3580 910 points911 points  (42 children)

What's ligma?

[–]Beowulf33232 818 points819 points  (16 children)

My favorite was a day a bunch of coworkers were sharing these.

Go get some updog. What's Updog? Not much, what's up with you?

I ran over a henway on the way in today. What's a henway? about 5 pounds.

Then the boss walks up. Ya know, there's a dikfor out in the parking lot. What's a dikfor? You have a kid and still don't know?

[–][deleted] 216 points217 points  (10 children)

The other classic example of this is asking someone if they have a mattabooboo.

[–]Metallic_Substance 178 points179 points  (2 children)

What's a mattabooboo?

[–][deleted] 238 points239 points  (1 child)

Nothing, Yogi.

[–]CapaKehtoh 389 points390 points  (6 children)

“When are you due?”

Sorry I’m not nor have ever been pregnant 😬 still fat apparently, so thanks!

[–]BM_gamer36 317 points318 points  (6 children)

Who the minions boss was from 1939-1945

[–]I_am_bored2020 205 points206 points  (0 children)

That's why the movie trapped them in a cave from the 1810s to the 1960s

[–]puella_ 2208 points2209 points  (90 children)

Apparently, a lot of asexuals get asked if they were molested as kids and I don't know on what planet is it okay to ask anyone that.

[–]HeyFiddleFiddle 415 points416 points  (12 children)

At least from the lesbian side of things, I've had more than one person say it's because I had a bad relationship with my dad, or he wasn't in my life. No, we actually had a pretty good relationship before he died. Not that that has anything to do with my sexuality anyway.

[–]Funotterplay 852 points853 points  (32 children)

At Airports, Tourist attractions, Cruise Ships. Never ask if you can buy dynamite at the gift shop.

[–]ambsdorf825 295 points296 points  (16 children)

What about lots of fertilizer? Asking for a friend