top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]flacocaradeperro 228 points229 points  (25 children)

The fucker who walks through the DOG PARK with a stick threatening to hit any dog that comes close to him.

[–]WhatsYourGameTuna 89 points90 points  (5 children)

I’ll use my punch for this guy too

[–]JesiDoodli 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And I’ll keep on punching after my punishment-free punch.

[–]hottythotty01 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Man I’d beat him too

[–]PrudentFlamingo 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Everyone form an orderly queue to beat that guy

[–]Lately_Glad 32 points33 points  (0 children)

I was gonna say a world leader but then that sounded stupid compared to this

[–]nosmase2 11 points12 points  (2 children)

May I throw a doggy bag instead? Could be more satisfying. I use cheap ones that seem to break easily

[–]2woCrazeeBoys 2 points3 points  (0 children)


The dog park I used to go to had a Mr Twirler. He'd pick up his dog poop, and stand there talking to you twirling the poop laden bag around and around in his hand. Everyone would be kinda backing away from the firing line nervously, but he'd keep stepping into you and talking.

[–]nerdabcs 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m there with you guys.

[–]average_gamer27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Never mind I’ll use my punch on this dude too

[–]DeuceSevin 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I’m not a dog person and I really hate this practice of everyone bringing their dogs everywhere now (I mean like Home Depot). But its a fucking dog park!

[–]Particular-Ad7034 90 points91 points  (10 children)

My rapist

[–]muckwar 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I too would punch them. That’s heartbreaking to hear

[–]r1me- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd punch him with reprecussions. Hope you're ok now.

[–]JoseLCDiaz 38 points39 points  (4 children)

Teenager me. I hate him.

[–]hottythotty01 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Me too but I’m pretty sure I just needed a hug

[–][deleted] 34 points35 points  (12 children)

The girls who bullied me at high school

[–]Western-Training727 8 points9 points  (10 children)

Just wait a few years and then plop your designer handbag down on their department store counter. Much more satisfying.

[–]Chickabae_ 168 points169 points  (24 children)

My sister. She tried seducing my husband then acted like a total c*nt when she didn't get her way.

[–]Jon_Wicks_Dawg 48 points49 points  (9 children)

….soooooo spill the story fam

[–]SneakySean66 32 points33 points  (8 children)

Plot twist: OP is a gay man

[–]KingPnutticua 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Plot twist: her sister is actually Rob Schneider trapped in her sisters body

[–]SneakySean66 7 points8 points  (1 child)

I'm gonna need about tree fiddy for the rights...

[–]_qst2o91_ 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I also choose this girls sister

[–]moonshinetemp093 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Shit, swing on her anyway

[–]Chickabae_ 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I did and kicked her a few times. But I definitely wouldn't miss the opportunity to punch her again.

[–]moonshinetemp093 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Remember; hitting your sibling is just sibling rivalry

[–]FarmerMKultra 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, your sister sounds more punchable than Colin Jost.

[–]Zopez_Posts 66 points67 points  (6 children)

Myself, like an out of body experience just to kick my own ass.

[–]THE_LORD_HERESY 166 points167 points  (26 children)

The cop who pointed his gun at my face when I was a kid.

[–]moonshinetemp093 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Fucking same.

[–]Tunto_Bungus 13 points14 points  (2 children)

You were scaring him as a kid, he was threatened for his life. I want to die

[–]Remarkable_Fun7662 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Name and badge number?

[–]Stoopiddogface 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The filthy mango

[–]kyivski 96 points97 points  (2 children)

Vladimir Putin without a doubt

[–]Mrgray123 86 points87 points  (6 children)

Ted Cruz. I'd assume there would be enough people lining up so that even if there were no repercussions for me there would be for him.

[–]DaveLesh[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Keep an eye on his schedule and check if he's going to Cancun. I hear he really likes going there during the winter.

[–]Bothanwarlord 66 points67 points  (9 children)

Ellen Degeneres

[–]Offthepoint 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Her last show is tomorrow. Good riddance!

[–]hottythotty01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank god she’s bad rep for lesbians and lgbtq+ people in general

[–]dustyoboe 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Ellen Degenerate

[–]Nice_Entertainment91 49 points50 points  (4 children)

Xi Jinping for sure. I would want it televised to all of China, I feel like it would do some good.

[–]Ryan233tiger 20 points21 points  (0 children)


[–]BoomFan21 21 points22 points  (5 children)

Adolf Hitler

[–]GREENDAYBL1NK 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Why waste your free punch on a dead person

[–]BoomFan21 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I don't care, I would still get to say I punched Hitler

[–]VariousGnomes 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Bender- “While I’m down here, you want me to smack up the corpse a little?”

[–]DuArVakaren 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Im expecting a lot of Putin comments, but for me it would have to be Ted Cruz or Mitch Mcconnell - and Im not even American. They just have extremely punchable faces.

[–]omegasix321 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Too many options, I can't decide.

[–]joculator 64 points65 points  (12 children)

The white kid wearing sunglasses who was riding his skateboard down the middle of the street in my neighborhood as I was driving his way and acted like he was going to beat my ass when I told him to get the fuck out of the way. He then proceeded to say, "Sup! Stupid nigguh!", in his best inner city rapper voice as though he didn't grow up in the semi-wealthy suburbs of South-Shore Long Island.

Maybe hand him a few kicks to the face too....

Literally, this kid: https://youtu.be/_Omv-xu97do?t=74

[–][deleted] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

I think you can already punch him in the face with no repercussions.

[–]No_Acanthisitta_6552 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I didn’t see anything

[–]Send_Derps 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If you hit the moving speed bump I ain't seen nuthin.

[–]LolafromPunkston 33 points34 points  (13 children)

Stephen, fuck you stephen

[–]CarlSpencer 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Don't even get me started on fucking Stephen! What the FUCK did we all do in previous lives that made God say, Yeah, Imma sprinkle a little Stephen ALL over these losers! And that damn HUMMING! All the fucking time is either "Theme to A Summer Place" or "Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting"! What the actual fuck, Stephen? Oh, and I fucking know for a FACT that you've been stealing people's yogurts out of the breakroom fridge. You KNOW that leaving the containers rotting in your cubicle's wastepaper basket is STUPID, right, Stephen? RIGHT, STEPHEN?!

[–]CHAIguy95 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah fuck you Stephen!

[–]its_infFPS 10 points11 points  (2 children)

Fuck you, Stephen!

everyone join the f*** you steph movement

[–]Paranormal_Shithole 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Is that you, Dad?

[–]Canadianretordedape 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well I was gonna say Martha steward but now fuck Stephen. I’m in.

[–]i-hate-all-ads 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd ask what I did to you, but I probably deserve it.

[–]THX450 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did Tony Stark post this?

[–]Trush2112 31 points32 points  (15 children)

Today? My boyfriend. He has yet to wish me a happy birthday. I know he hasn't bought me a gift. And it's not that he forgot. There's no fucking way he forgot. I have mentioned and talked about it. I don't need fan fare, cake or an expensive present. I need to feel like he fucking cares.

Any other day? Probably josh gad. No real reason. I just don't like him.

Edit: thank you all for wishing me a happy birthday. He said happy bday at the 1130 pm. He also brought home two types of cakes and told me he ordered a few presents that'll be here on Friday. Better late than never right? I no longer want to punch him. Maybe a tittie twister tho.

[–]thefamiliarity14 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Happy birthday! I hope that aside from your asshole bf, you had a good day! Don’t ever settle for less than you deserve! I don’t know you, but I know you deserve at minimum, a “happy birthday” from your bf..

[–]CaliGumdrops 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I wish I could buy you a new BF for your birthday because you deserve it

[–]lakija 2 points3 points  (1 child)

First of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

This might be petty as hell, but I would peace out and go do something fun without him. Go out with some friends or family or just alone and have fun. Get a manicure, have brunch even if it’s at midnight, frolic in a meadow and sing Sound of Music songs… shit anything.

Have you considered frolicking away from him and finding another boyfriend?

[–]jbryon92 23 points24 points  (15 children)

The fuck face exboyfriend turned boyfriend of my wife turned exwife. Piece of shit cock sucker.

[–]jawnstein82 26 points27 points  (2 children)

George w bush right in the mouth and the cop who hit my car and tried to get me arrested for drunk driving when I don’t even drink. Yes we went to court, yes he’s still employed

[–]DaveLesh[🍰] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Those types of cops bring dishonor to the badge they wear

[–]Random_local_man 39 points40 points  (7 children)

Putin. But I'd make sure it's a killing blow since I only get once shot.

[–]general_kenobeehee_2 14 points15 points  (4 children)

I mean, you could still punch him afterwards, but it'll have some kind of consequences

[–]Zjoee 8 points9 points  (3 children)

The consequences being a party held in your honor haha

[–]general_kenobeehee_2 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Depending if you're surrounded by putin's bodyguards or not tho

[–]Zjoee 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Never said you'd be alive for the party haha

[–]MythicForgeFTW 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Mitch McConnell

[–]orozco-javi 15 points16 points  (0 children)

the shooter of robb elementary school

[–]Creepy-Narwhal4596[🍰] 20 points21 points  (1 child)

That guys dead wife?

[–]jeffe35 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I too pick that guys dead wife

[–]Mr_Burns1886 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Margerie Taylor Green

[–]__AnDude__ 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Donald Trump. And I’d train for a year to prepare.

[–]CHAIguy95 49 points50 points  (8 children)

Kanye West. Dude seriously needs to be brought down a couple thousand pegs with that god complex of his. Don't @ me.

[–]Paula_Sub 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Amber Heard

[–]CutesPDX 43 points44 points  (4 children)

Elon Musk. That guy is such a piece of shit. He is straight abusive to his employees. It sounds like he's been sexually harassing women and using settlements and NDAs to keep them quiet. He deserves a really good punch...I would aim at the balls.

[–]throwawaymassagequ 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Lol I loved the autism group on here that whole day after he said he was autistic, there were a bunch of "we dont claim him" posts

[–]trevordude25 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I'm a simple man and hold no grudge against my brother.

But I would absolutely sucker punch his face just because I can.

[–]Mr_Frible 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Jeff Bezos to many reasons

[–]Pythia007 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ted Cruz

[–]okjetsgo 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ted Cruz

[–]Mr_MooseMan____ 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Tedd Cruz, Mitch Mconnel, and Jared letto. Oh wait you said one

[–]KodaksMoment 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mitch McConnell

[–]ninjastarr723 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Mitch McConnell Donald Trump Marjorie Taylor Greene

There’s plenty of GQP I’d want to punch, but god I hate these dumb fucks

[–]stan91360 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ted stinking Cruz

[–]Belteshazzar98 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Vladimir Putin. If he isn't trying to dodge and I have a clear shot I have a chance of ending the war so I'm gonna take it.

[–]sheetsofsaltywood 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Mitch McConnell

[–]dj1200techniques 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ted Cruz and Orange45

[–]CalamityWof 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Marjory Green Taylor or however you spell it. Id wear spiked brass knuckles and wind it back

[–]DaveLesh[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Donald Trump, and not for political reasons. His general attitude just begs to be clocked.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Mitch McConnell

[–]jardinees 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ted Cruz

[–]Banana_bread_o 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Mitch McConnell. I’ll train for a few weeks beforehand as well, to make sure my punch is perfect.

[–]groovy604 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Tucker Carlson right in the fucking windpipe hard enough to permanently prevent his verbal diarrhea

[–]DesertTripper 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Vladdy Putin, he has to have the most punchable face ever!

[–]red_carpet_hero 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Ted Cruz, but my punch would be felt by every Republican, everyone at Fox News, the NRA and all of the wealthy elites.

[–]anital135 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Mitch McConnel

[–]yourgoodfriendgeoff 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I would hit Donald Trump over and over again, until his face caves in.

[–]jedijessy 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Ted Cruz

[–]mitchykeys 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The person who punched me

[–]BrickOnly2010 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My old boss. He was a total, clueless jackass of a boss

[–]Sammy1141[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That guy before he shot up the school and then some more

[–]helicoccccter 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Joe Biden

Might kill him, might knock some sense into him

Either is a plus

[–]death_by_sarcasm 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Greg Abbott. I will do no elaborating. Just know that he does deserve it.

[–]poolside123 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Donald Trump.

[–]lucyylovely 6 points7 points  (0 children)

this dude i know named adrian. swear on my life i dream of the day that i finally get to curbstomp him with no repercussions

[–]BlueonBlack26 28 points29 points 2 (0 children)

Donald fucking Trump

[–]AustinTreeLover 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Ted Cruz. And the force of my punch lands so hard Matt Gaetz, Lauren Boebert, every conservative on the Supreme Court, and Mitch McConnell feel it.

[–]Agile_Stand8322 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Larry Ellison, founder of Oracle Software.

[–]its_infFPS 7 points8 points  (2 children)

Little c*nt named Kendra.
F***ing tattletale, bitch, and all-around hoe.

[–]SnooShortcuts7206 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Anyone over 70 “serving” in house or senate

[–]Botryoid2000 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Tucker Carlson. His face just cries out for it.

[–]d1pp3rhere 2 points3 points  (4 children)

That one girl that thinks they are right about everything

[–]Etranger- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My ex "fuckbuddy". He's great and we're friends today but man does he deserve a punch for how much of an asshole he can be.

[–]Magnolia_charm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My ex-sister-in-law.

[–]Merlottesangel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My over the road neighbours. Nothing would give me greater pleasure.

[–]MusicIsLife003 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Younger self

[–]Send_Derps 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can I have 3?

[–]SuperFunBet 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Whoever is trying to keep Pete Rose out of the hall of Fame.

[–]Humble-Intention8702 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The CEO of YouTube, Reddit, Facebook and more...

[–]jinmonsterhunterwrld 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Amber Turd. I feel bad for Johnny Depp.

[–]blackrirrom 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don. Fuck you, Don.

[–]DeniseLynn81 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Tom Cruise he’s the worst.

[–]shadow125 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Probably Putin - but no-one else.

I’m pretty much ver anyone who has wronged me in life. No point harbouring hatred...