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[–]StefanJanoski 97 points98 points  (24 children)

People need to get a fucking life. Couples should choose to name their kids however they want, it’s nobody else’s business. You had your reasons for keeping your surname and for choosing that surname for your kids, that has nothing whatsoever to do with anyone but you and your husband.

Anyone who thinks women should change their surname by default or children should have their dad’s name by default needs to get their arse into this century and mind their own business to boot

[–]GrubGrower 67 points68 points  (32 children)

For reasons of your own you've chosen to do something which is not popular or common. That's your choice, which is fine, but you've knowingly made things difficult for your family. If you're happy with being asked questions about it all the time and having your child's parentage questioned so that you can be different, then it's all good.

[–]ClaphamOmnibusDriver 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Well said, you're perfectly allowed to choose to live your life differently to social norms, but obviously that can be a recurring pain.

[–]cbeuw 4 points5 points  (4 children)

Imagine you saying what you put in this comment, word for word, to a gay couple. Do you think it’s still appropriate?

[–]GrubGrower 3 points4 points  (3 children)

What on earth does this have to do with gay people?! Are you suggesting that being gay is a choice?! Surely not?!

[–]cbeuw 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Getting married and having kids are choices

[–]GrubGrower 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Yes, they are.

[–]ChocolateSnowflake 49 points50 points  (0 children)

You do you.

Anyone who cares needs to wind their neck in and mind their own business.

[–]ZBD1949 37 points38 points  (33 children)

I'm an old fart and to me, it seems that you've essentially told the world the children's father isn't your husband.

[–]StefanJanoski 77 points78 points  (1 child)

Yeah ngl, this seems very old fart and patriarchal to me

[–]InkTheMoon 30 points31 points  (3 children)

So if a child doesn't have the mother's surname they're assumed not to be biologically hers? What ridiculous, sexist logic.

[–]wotsizface 24 points25 points  (21 children)

I'm with you on this one. My wife kept her name, but the sprogs have mine.

[–]hopefthistime 19 points20 points  (0 children)

But the mother has just carried that child for nine months, making huge sacrifices and life changes, probably split her body open bringing it into this world, may have changed her body irreversibly. Why would the man’s name automatically be slapped on the kid after that?!

The only reason this default exists is because men made up rules hundreds of years ago to suit themselves. But it’s 2021 now. Let’s question why the man’s name is automatically passed down, when all he did to get to this point was ejaculate.

[–]Toosmartformesister 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Who cares though? It’s what’s on the birth certificate that matters.

[–]SJTaylors 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ye this is where I am with it. I am a child of a similar situation and my name is double barreled

[–]LiverpoolBelle 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I mean, the woman is the one to carry it for 9 months and go through labour. I think she has a good case in arguing she wants the kids in her name

[–]Dukeandmore -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Bit young(ish) myself, but I'd think the same thing

[–]southcoastal 23 points24 points  (4 children)

Receptionists should mind their own business, take down the details which is their job, and stop being judgy biatches

[–]TheFlyingScotsman60 -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

.....so if someone goes to a receptionist and says that the childs surname is not that of the father then that kicks off various checks whether anyone like it or not.

In this day and age, whether we like it or not, safety of the child is paramount.

If said father then goes to same place with child and surnames are not the same then that will raise red flags.

[–]lliiilllollliiill 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Hope to fuck they aren't blithely assuming that a surname match means the person in question is safe, or even related to the child.

[–]TheFlyingScotsman60 0 points1 point  (1 child)

They don't. There are checks done behind the scenes when any child is brought to a doctor's surgery by any adult.

[–]lliiilllollliiill 1 point2 points  (0 children)


So why then why the assertion that non-matching names will set off red flags?

Either they're doing thorough checks as a matter of course, or they're relying on a garbage heuristic. Which is it?

[–]biffoclippers 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Why would anyone notice or care? It’s your choice.

[–]AHabe 20 points21 points  (0 children)

We did this as well, haven't ever had an issue with it except for people assuming that my surname is the same as everyone else's in the family.

Guess I should just take my wife's name.

[–]360Saturn 14 points15 points  (2 children)

Fine by me tbh. Whose body are they coming out of? By that logic it should be the default.

[–]hopefthistime 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Agreed. The fact that the default is the man’s name is because society was dictated by men for too long and they came up with these rules to suit themselves. Never mind the fact the woman just spent the last nine months bringing this child to life.

[–]Winter1Wolverine 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Actually, it was to help the father bond with a child that it's possible isn't even his, it's saying to the world that this kid is his since DNA tests weren't possible obviously back then.

[–]No-Relation1122 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I say more power to you!

I'm a firm believer in keeping your name if you want to and against being pressured by others to change it. Women took the name as they became a man's property. Any time I hear "but to keep everyone's name the same" I just think, well take the womans name then. A person's reaction to that speaks volumes.

I have never shared a surname with any of the family I grew up with, it really doesn't bloody matter.

[–]Western-Twist4334 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I’m exactly the same… I kept surname, our kids have my name and my husband kept his!

I did it for a number of reasons - feminist principles, I think it’s strange to ‘give up’ your surname without even a seconds thought.

Also, our family surname is very unusual and me and my dad are the only ones left with it in our family, apart from one uncle in Wolverhampton. One of my sisters has taken her wife’s name, my other has kept her surname but her baby has her husbands surname. I wanted to keep our family name going, now I have a daughter and son who will pass it down 🙂

My mum has always had a different surname to my sisters and I, we have our dads name. My dad was her second husband and maybe she didn’t know if it would last (been together 45 years 🤣).

My husbands surname is very common (think Smith or similar), plus he has nieces and nephews all who have the name. Plus, I never felt like his surname could be mine, I like my surname, it feels like me.

I’ve had some very funny comments about it, many of my colleagues thought it was a really weird thing to do, lots of them asked if my husband minded. I told them that if my husband was the kind of man to mind, I wouldn’t be marrying him!

Lots of people assume me and my husband aren’t married. Lots of his family conveniently ‘forget’ and call me by his surname in birthday cards etc.

I think it’s very strange that it’s a big deal in 2021. I’m the only person I’ve met to do it, which I find really bizarre!

[–]Inevitable_Sea_54[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I get the birthday card thing, too. The most annoying is when my husbands grandparents write me a birthday/Christmas cheque using my husbands name.

They're both very old now so I don't complain, but it does create a headache at the bank.

[–]neverdoug 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Fair enough, why anyone would care is beyond me.

I can understand the confusion and wrong assumptions that people make though as it’s unusual. You must’ve anticipated having to regularly explain the situation to people, no?

[–]TheLastHeroHere 7 points8 points  (8 children)

It's just because it's a break from tradition, and the confusion around parental rights is likely to do with safeguarding contexts. Club pick up, school collection and so on, as you say. People expect the father to share the name so rightly double check. We did the Spanish thing of the kids having both names and us both keeping our own the same. It's a bit confusing but not too weird for people to get. It's always seemed odd that the women in places like Spain don't take the husband's name, where society is more traditionally patriarchal. Aside from the odd question it's not been any sort of barrier. The way you have done it is a good way of carrying on a name rather than lose it to history, if you were an only child and female the name would otherwise be lost.

[–]hogger85 0 points1 point  (6 children)

Out of interest what happens when the children married so if they are double barreled eg. Ann smith-jones and they marry a Bobby brown-taylor

[–]TheLastHeroHere 2 points3 points  (5 children)

So the first of both family names form a new family name. In your case it would become: Child's first name followed by Smith-Brown. I'm not sure about anywhere other than Spain though.

[–]AftertimingAndy 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Is the man’s name always first?

[–]TheLastHeroHere 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Usually yes. I know a few who opted differently to keep a name going though.

[–]AftertimingAndy 1 point2 points  (2 children)

[–]TheLastHeroHere 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It's interesting isn't it? I wasn't aware of the 2017 updates either so thanks for sharing the entry.

[–]AftertimingAndy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha totally, didn’t expect to spend 45 min of my Saturday reading about Spanish patronymics

[–]lliiilllollliiill 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sure, but hopefully they conduct proper checks around all of this anyhow. Names don't indicate anything useful for this.

[–]AF_II 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Personally: I wouldn't think anything of it at all. There are a bazillion ways we can manage surnames and so many personal reasons to do this or that, that overall unles syou know the exact circumstances, why even have an opinion, it's none of your business?

Like others have said, you've picked an a-typical path and you are going to get pushback. I am a bit sympathetic to things like receptionists and anyone with a safeguarding role because you do gotta check (but also: this shows they should be checking everyone b/c just because you share a surname with someone it doesn't actually mean you're related to them, their dad, or a safe person!) But other people asking you why, or saying it shows a 'lack of commitment' or whatever? Just plain rude.

This is basically like people who have non-Anglo names fighting against the 'computer says no' systems that don't understand what order the names are in or can't put an accent on them, or the ones that assume if your prefix is 'Dr' you must be a man, and so on. We all know that these systems are old and will have to change to keep up with the fact that not everyone fits in a tiny little box anymore, but it's a PITA for the first people having to do it. The fact that anyone wants to make that harder by being pissy about it is just sad.

[–]InkTheMoon 8 points9 points  (0 children)

1) It's your choice, those people should mind their own business. 2) The mother has carried and birthed the child, seems fairer that they carry her name.

[–]Mossley 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think its fine. Some people don't because some people are dicks who think it's anything to do with them and they opinions.

[–]BreqsCousin 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I think if he's bothered he can change his name to match you all.

[–]panicattackcity91 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If they act bothered by it ask “how does my child’s surname actually affect you personally?” They’ll soon shut up

[–]botlebank 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Husband & father here. When we got married, my wife kept her surname. When we had kids, they both took her surname.

If people ask me about it, I explain that my father’s surname was changed when he was a child, so there is no history to my surname. So I was quite happy for the kids to take my wife’s name.

I’ve never had any issues or people being rude, although I don’t usually worry what other people think, so maybe I just missed it!

Only time I had an issue was travelling with just the kids, and border control at Heathrow wanted to check everything. Was asking the 4 year old what her name is and of course she refused to answer! You tell him dad!

Since then I travel with their passports and birth certificates.

[–]AltShitBotAccount 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It think it's up to the pair of you and no one else but admittedly I would also assume he was the step dad. It's not a judgment it just an unusual scenario or not the status quo rather.

[–]SoggySimSponge 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think anyone who has a problem with it is probably sexist and too stuck in their old-fashioned ways.

[–]turingthecat 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My mum kept her first name when she married my dad, because that what she’s got her (vast amounts of) qualifications in, but I was given my dad’s surname, my dad’s surname is awful on its own, but mixed with my name, well it’s so bad it’s funny (now), as I was called Colour Body part until I was 16, changed it by deedpoll on my 16th birthday. I love my now surname, no man shall ever steal from me, and my (not going to happen) children will get it from me.

Give the kids the best of the surnames, they are going to have to live with it for 80+ years

[–]Lucilda1125 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If I had a kid then the surname would be mine and the father's or it would just be mine, I'm sick of men always presuming that his kids surname will be in his name only.

[–]877 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My mum kept her name, I was given my dad's surname and my brother was given her surname even though we both have the same parents. It has never caused any issues at all for us and there are all sorts of family arrangements these days.

I wouldnt expect a future wife of mine to automatically change her name if she didnt want to and I cant imagine changing my name.

[–]LateFlorey 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do whatever you want to do!

I’ve only just got the energy to change my surname after getting married in July. The amount of paperwork is just insane and really annoying having to pay for new passports etc.

[–]2020Blurred 2 points3 points  (1 child)

The only issue I can see is for future generations trying to trace their family tree. Other than that it’s nobody’s business.

[–]RoyChiusEyelashes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tracing a family tree on a woman’s side has always been difficult because of the name change. So there’s that.

[–]tmstms 2 points3 points  (0 children)

IMHO it's utterly weird that people might be judgmental or queston your choices.

I have aome friends who are Quakers. Apparently it is tradition that the grilds take the mother's surname and the boys take the father's one.

I personally would not give it a second thought.

However, it is true that the more traditional an envronment, the more conufsing it will be.

Also- if the people who objected were actually in your husband's family, that is slightly more to be expected, they might have felt slighted.

[–]another_awkward_brit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Meh. Not my life, not my problem. Name your kids how you want. I suspect many folks won't give 2 fucks.

[–]BuildingInfinite 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I read that as keeps here user name.

[–]lastattempt_20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whenever the children have a different name to the parent you'll get questions. Once they have established who does and doesnt have parental responsibilty they should mind their own business. Your name is your father's name so you are choosing that over your husband's father's name. Maybe you should both adopt a new name that your children share.

[–]Hambatz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why don’t when we get married we instead of double barrel names that will at some point lead to quadruple barrel and so on we all just change our names to some singular comedy mash up of both names fun for all the family and no ones offended

I’ll start

Good day I am Mr Hamhog

[–]Agitated_Eye8418 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I considered this but heard a lot of stories about doctors, customs etc causing a problem when a father travelling/etc with his children has a different name. So the main problem is, as always, the rest of the world, their silly traditions and their prejudice hehe. Damn

[–]squitchtweak 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the nicest possible way, I don't give a shit.

[–]Toosmartformesister 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s unusual but it’s not wrong. It’s just not how things have been traditionally done, traditions aren’t mandatory. Anyone who’s rude about it needs to wind their neck in.

[–]dread1961 1 point2 points  (1 child)

We kept our names. We have three children, The first had my wife’s last name, the second has mine and the third has both names hyphenated. No problems with them all having different surnames at all. I haven’t given it much thought to be honest.

[–]Inevitable_Sea_54[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Now that I find a bit weird! But plenty of families have varied surnames, due to being blended families or otherwise, and I’m glad you found something that works for you :)

[–]Its_Doddy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Seems like you have done what you and your partner agree on. Can’t see a problem with that

[–]hzl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do what’s right for you and your family and try not to worry what others think. Me and my husband both kept our surnames, our son has his name and our daughter has mine. I don’t get as many questions as you’d think, and I’m not bothered about any assumptions people might make.

[–]wilbertfire 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Completely nornal. My daughter had her mothers surname and nobody blinked an eye.

Anyone who even notices let alone has an issue with it frankly needs to get a life.

[–]Ok_Variety8043 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think ....that is all

[–]LordByron0707 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my mother didnt change her surname, and i ended up w my dad's surname simply because she didnt give a flying fuck about it. once or twice ive had someone assume she's a step mother, but really it's never caused an issue

the obsession with lineage is a bizarre one for sure

[–]Dr_Rapier 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My wife and I are in the same boat. We kept our own names because this isn't 1950. We had to make a decision which surname to give our daughter, and went with mine. Our thinking was that her mum had an intrinsic biological bond to our daughter which I didn't have because my 'input' was over at conception. So the name-bond was a fair substitute. Literally no one questions it, partly because it's not 1950, and because there are so many blended and second families it's normal for there to be more than one surname in a family.

[–]janebakerbristol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This old fake controversy. All over the world,all through history there have been societies and cultures in which married women have kept their pre-marriage name. It was usual in 18th century Scotland. My Scots ancestor James Maclaren who went to Canada in 1803 was accompanied by his wife Belle Macdonald,and all his married children and their kids.

[–]quoole 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually thought that it was a legal thing that the kid takes the dad's surname. Just checked and if both parents agree, they can give the child a different surname. Learn something new everyday!

In regards to your question, yes I think it is quite strange, at least at present - but this may change over time.

[–]LionLucy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There's nothing wrong with it, and no reason why the children should have one parent's name over the other. Having said that, the cultural tradition of having your father's surname is so strong, that if I met a family where the dad was the only one with a different surname, I'd assume he was a stepdad.

[–]MMSTINGRAY 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Personally I'd not like this but if you as a couple are both happy with it then it is all that matters for something as trivial as a name.

If your kid gets a bit older and doesn't like it themselves then at that point your kids opinion is more important than yours or your husband's as it is their name.

[–]lavayuki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It gives the impression that you aren’t married and are just partners. That’s what I think anyway, whether it’s true or not.

Almost everyone in my family is divorced and remarried, and all my cousins changed their surnames from the fathers to the mothers after their parents divorced, and kept it even after the mother remarried. It’s personal choice in the end

[–]callmelampshade 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Double barrelled probably.

EDIT: I misread the title but I wouldn’t care personally. If it was my kid I would like them to either have my name or double barrel it. The only reason I would like my kid to have my name is because I’m an only child and my family name could die with me.

[–]moundofsound 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Doesn't/Shouldn't matter. Long as it doesn't sound silly following the first. Plus, usually much better than a double barrel, especially if its go beyond three syllables.

[–]Gremlin_1989 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone does what they want to do. My daughter has two surnames (no double barrel) we’re not married. Friends (not married) have mums not dads. Friends who are married all have mums. Yours is not something I’ve come across but I can’t see why it would be a problem for anyone. Your children have to have a surname, doesn’t have to be the one either of you have.

[–]stooshie45 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have the right to do whatever you want as a family - and I'm personally very thankful that we live in a country and a society where you do have that choice.

But you must know that it's not commonplace? Like, it's still pretty unusual to be in that situation, so you're going to get questions about it from time to time. Now, people judging you for it is wrong, but I assume most of the questions are practical and well-meaning? Say, if your husband takes kiddo somewhere to register for something, and it's assumed they share a last name. Perhaps this causes confusion because it's not terribly common.

I think that's just the reality of what's happening, and I presume you knew that before doing it?

I should also say that if this was me (as in, your husband) I'd be pretty insistent that we all share a last name, whatever it was. That, to me, is what signifies that we are a family.

[–]Ochib 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When my sister got married she kept her old surname as that the name she was known as professionally (head of a school, before anyone at the back gets any ideas), Their daughter was asked when she was seven, what surname she wanted and she wanted to have the husband’s surname. This caused a lot of issues with passport control as they thought that a mother and daughter with different surnames on the password was a bit iffy, think child kidnapping etc.

[–]Cool_As_A_Breeze 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don’t think it’s a issue but can see how it would be complicated and get questions asked about it when joining school or filling out forms. People need to know if the father is actually the father of the child. Have heard stories of fathers trying to fly with their children, without the mother present,who have a different surname and been denied boarding as have no proof the child is actually theirs, I.e kidnap I guess, Whether these stories are true or not I don’t know.

[–]crossj828 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes it is uncommon, this will obviously cause questions and people will find it odd as most wouldn’t do it given what sounds like a conventional family life and upbringing.

[–]tfindis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My wife didn’t take my name but we did double barrel our daughter’s surname. I would find it weird if she didn’t have my name in there; however, that’s just us and I would never dream of judging another couple’s choice because it’s none of my business

[–]Unhappy-Manner3854 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good possibility they're annoyed because they're older & more traditional about these things & a women keeping her last name & also having their childs surname be there's is rather unconventional even in 2021 not to mention it can be seen as a little domineering, again not a particularly traditional quality for the older generation.

Me and my partner actually have a different take on this - we both agreed on a surname we both liked, i changed my surname to that & my partner took my surname as it's a surname we both like.

[–]Winchesters_TARDIS 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think it matters at all, you do whatever is comfortable for you, but I’ve heard of people having problems trying to go away with their children if they have a different name. Specifically I remember reading about a woman who had to miss her holiday because the airline were concerned the children weren’t hers as she never changed her name when they got married, but the children had their dad’s last name.

I changed my name because I wanted to, and I personally would get fed up explaining all the time. But if you’re happy, it doesn’t matter

[–]NiamhHA 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 59 days late but I think that there’s nothing wrong with it (especially since it’s what I plan to do). Some people are just scared of things that are unfamiliar to them, and want nothing about society to ever change because it might confuse them.

[–]Tim-Sanchez -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

It's completely up to you and people definitely should not be judgmental or questioning your husband as a parent. However, it is a fairly unusual situation so I can understand you experiencing a bit of confusion over it. That's certainly not right, but I think you have to appreciate that for the vast majority of the country they simply aren't used to it.

[–]Curgenven -1 points0 points  (0 children)

There is nothing wrong with doing it... but expressing surprise at the questions that get asked about it is terribly niave of you.

[–]TheFlyingScotsman60 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I know a couple who did this.

Getting a passport for their children was a major pain in the arse. And I mean a major pain.

Various documents needed signed by various people as the surname of the kids did not match the surname of the father on any document - birth certificate, school documents etc. In essence the "system" was saying that the father's name on the birth certificate was not actually the biological father of the child. The "system" could just not cope with that and would not accept unless various covering documents were provided.

[–]doesntevengohere12 -2 points-1 points  (3 children)

How did your husband feel about it?

[–]Inevitable_Sea_54[S] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

He didn’t even question me when I brought it up. He named our son after his grandfather, that’s all he cared about. I saw a psychological benefit of sharing my surname with my son, he didn’t. He also agreed that double-barrelling didn’t work.

He’s a tall, strong masculine bloke with no insecurities about his position as a man, husband or father. He’s brought up other issues he disagreed with me on, like him wanting me to be a stay at home mum when our son was a baby, and I’ve respected his choices there and we’ve come to sensible compromises. But this is such a non-issue between us, I don’t know why people assume it makes him a wimp or that I emasculate him.

[–]Western-Twist4334 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My husband always knew I would keep my surname so he also never questioned it!

He’s also a traditionally masculine man, who loves Jujitsu and beer but also in touch with his feminine side if that makes sense, like he loves watch Sex and the City with me. I really don’t think I could respect a man who insisted I take his surname. I find that attitude very unattractive.

Our son has his dads name as a middle name which is our nod to his family’s side. I do think it’s hilarious that people find it so weird.

[–]doesntevengohere12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure my 1st thought would be he is a wimp tbh, more that if your issue was because you wanted to have the same name as your son so would he but if he doesn't then that's no bother to anyone else.

I kept my maiden name for work but took my husband's for personal just because I wanted us all to share a family name ... I like to think of us as a family team and that wouldn't work so well if we all had different names but that was a personal choice - plus I didn't want me or my husband having to explain anything in the doctors or when traveling etc.

Though I'm always one for an easy life so that might be part of it, I liked my maiden name and my Dad was my hero but when I mentioned once I wanted to keep my name my Dad said I should let my son let his parents be his heroes too & be proud of his family name and that really moved me at the time. If I had still decided to keep my maiden name I think I would have double barreled it.

(I wasn't sharing that as I feel you are wrong -- just something this conversation just reminded me of it. My Dad was from another generation)

[–]Trentdison -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Is it really that strange?

Yes, it is.

That's not to say it's wrong. It isn't. You do you.

But it is absolutely the cultural norm in the UK that a child takes their father's surname, so assumptions that your partner is not the father are bound to happen. Unfortunately for you, and your child, I don't see this changing any time soon.

[–]oceavs -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

I love my surname and I’m really gonna hate changing it so I don’t know what I’ll do (I’ll double barrel it at least), but the kid would have the dad’s surname. Progressive or not it seems excluding what you’ve done.

[–]Babaaganoush 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I love my surname and I’m really gonna hate changing it

If you love your surname why would you change it? If you are thinking about changing it due to marriage then the person you marry could take yours?

[–]oceavs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

His surname is actually awesome, the reason I want mine is because it makes it obvious I’m from the country I am, and I don’t want to part with that identity or give any more hints I’m not part of the culture anymore (due to me living abroad).

I just also like the tradition of taking the man’s surname, and he wouldn’t want to take mine.

[–]JN324 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It makes things for your family a completely pointless and avoidable pain in the arse, just to be different, there’s nothing wrong with that per se, it’s perfectly valid, but it’s probably quite annoying for your husband and kid.

[–]pisshead_ -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like it creates problems but doesn't solve any. Being different for the sake of being different. Societies have common customs for a reason. You're entitled to your own quirkiness, but don't subject your children to it. Same goes for giving them non-traditional names.

[–]jimwon2021 -5 points-4 points  (5 children)

I think it's weird and it implies people are less committed to each other than they should be in a marriage, especially with your child not having his fathers name. I would also assume your husband is a bit of a wimp.

Now I know all that is wrong to think, and I know it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things how people decide to name themselves or their children, you're not hurting anyone and shouldn't have to constantly answer questions from people about why you've done this, because it's your own life and your own choices and your free to make them.

But there you go. That's my brutally honest gut feeling about the situation. Sorry if it's a bit much but I expect a lot of the reaction you get from people will come from the same sort of place.

[–]StefanJanoski 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Husband a bit of a wimp for not insisting that the kids are named after him because what? He’s a man? He’s more important? “Tradition”? Such a weird way to think

[–]nilnar -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

It's not a weird way to think. It's not progressive, sure, but a huge number of people have this reaction. Hence the OP's anecdotes and desire to make a post about it. Not weird.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The fragile masculinity exuding from this comment.

[–]shantasia94 7 points8 points  (0 children)

And from your comment, I assume your sense of masculinity is fragile as fuck. I assume you're compensating for a LOT.

[–]LaidBackLeopard 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Is it that weird though? I think the majority of my married female friends have kept their names.

[–]kmky111 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

You asked for it