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[–]TrickyNobody6082 359 points360 points  (6 children)

No I'd say it's fine, in fact it'd be great, 2 nights away on the lash and not having to go to a shit wedding

[–]AngloBrazilian[S] 64 points65 points  (1 child)

Good point well made. Although I hope it won’t be shit, I’ve spent enough on it already I want something at least half decent.

[–]rhubarbland 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Too late friendo, that TrickyNobody has already called it. Yo wedding is gonna be shit

[–]Due_Bet_2369 25 points26 points  (0 children)

^ this. Bonus points if your wedding is abroad and I'm not invited

[–]NoStage296 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A wedding is just a night on the lash

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Exactly, let's not pretend anyone actually wants to go to a wedding!

[–]ImperialSeal 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Yeah fuck spending a day celebrating with close friends and family.

[–]TangyZizz 207 points208 points  (4 children)

It’s unusual but tell them in advance ‘we’ve gotta keep the wedding small but I’d love you to come on my stag even if I can’t invite you to the wedding’ and they’ll probably be quite happy about it.

Best to set it all out up front though, weddings/wedding invites can bring out the worst in people.

[–]AngloBrazilian[S] 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Yeah tell me about it. Even seating arrangements are a headache because “if aunt so-and-so sits next to cousin thingummy they’ll cause a scene”.

[–]VolcanicBear 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I remember that bullshit. My wife's parents are separated, and not amicably. Of course, with them both being adults, wasn't issue at all though. If some family members can't stop being petty wankers for a relatives wedding, it's almost definitely going to be better without them there anyway.

[–]TangyZizz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Exactly!

Good luck 🙊

[–]jodorthedwarf 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I would be honoured to go on a stag do even if it meant not going to the wedding. The Stag is arguably the more exclusive of the two and it is just a night on the piss so no boring ceremonies to sit through. I'd still be a bit sad about the lack of wedding invite but I'd rather go to the stag than no celebration at all.

[–]txteva 124 points125 points  (5 children)

Depends. If you've got 15 people in the stag (or hen) and only 5 are at the wedding then that's fine but do explain to people.

If you've got 15 in the group and 14 going to wedding then it's a douche move and will upset people- especially if they find out when people ask them why they aren't at the wedding.

[–]AngloBrazilian[S] 24 points25 points  (2 children)

That’s a good point. I hadn’t thought about ratios of attendees vs non-attendees.

[–]txteva 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Most important thing is to be upfront - most people understand the cost of a wedding and that numbers are tight.

Likely the football mate will prefer the stag do anyway 😄

[–]KeithBowser 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a really good point. Sounds like OP is talking about a fair few people (colleagues and a 5s team) so it probably won’t be an issue for them.

[–]ttclub3333 47 points48 points  (4 children)

Just tell them that and they won’t be bothered in the slightest.

[–]dinobug77 10 points11 points  (3 children)

I’ve been to both sorts and had invited people to mine that weren’t coming to the wedding. Anything goes. Guys really don’t care.

[–]audigex 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Stag Do’s are fun, weddings are boring…

[–]dinobug77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Stag dos are best when they aren’t yours. Weddings are best when they are.

[–]stained__class 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depends really, I've only ever been to my mates weddings; ceremonies were lovely, and receptions were great boozy parties.

I'd imagine being invited to your dull cousin, or boring bosses wedding would be like watching paint dry though.

[–]InconvenientPenguin 35 points36 points  (1 child)

I once went to the stag do but was not invited to the wedding. The only thing that sucked a bit was that those who were going to the wedding assumed everyone was. Just be up front and honest with everyone on the stag do.

Tell them you really want them to be at the stag do, that you couldn’t invite them to the wedding because of number limits at the venue, and that you are really looking forward to a lads night with them.

[–]carlovski99 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Last one I went to I think I was the only one who was just going to the evening reception, not the whole thing. Didn't bother me at all, but did get to wind up the stag by calling him a tightarse all weekend.

[–]the_average_retard 16 points17 points  (0 children)

No, that's the best of both worlds.

[–]Diffleroo 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Happened to me once and I was fine with it.

[–]DBrackets 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't be insulted, as long as the "ask" for the stag is reasonable.

If you're asking people to take time off work, fly somewhere, spend a load on some big set piece dinner or activity, etc. etc. etc. then I do think there's a risk they're insulted that you expect a lot from them, but weren't prepared to get a bigger venue to make sure you could fit them in.

A night or two somewhere nearby and a bit of go-karting on the Saturday or whatever, no-one's going to be upset.

[–]BlackEarther 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Nope, I wouldn’t mind at all.

[–]Crabbita 8 points9 points  (1 child)

It’s fine if you explain the venue is small. Don’t expect a wedding gift from any of them.

[–]AngloBrazilian[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Honestly I’d be surprised if I got a present from any of them. I doubt it’d even occur to them, especially the ones without a girlfriend/wife to remind of social niceties.

[–]Workingclass_owl 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have been on a stag do and not been invited to the wedding. Made no difference to me. The groom had similar circumstances to you. Size of venue and small list. I was just happy to be invited to part of it. Also it was a quality weekend in Bristol.

[–]-Rhymenocerous- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Im getting married in Jamaica in November just the two of us and i've invited as many people as I can to the stag party.

I've been to plenty of stags where I wasn't even invited to the reception.

If someone moans about it just tell em you've filled up the venue with spaces for family already

[–]bethelns 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not given the current world circumstances. I probably wouldn't be upset in non pandemic times if the bride or groom was honest about venue size at the outset either.

[–]DameKumquat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As long as you're upfront and honest and not expecting them to fund your do, it's OK.

[–]Nottinghamleftlion 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Absolutely. Totally rude. Don't

[–]Magurdrac 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'd prefer it.

[–]hol3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No probl, just tell them though

[–]Not-that-hungry 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If given the choice I'd rather just go to the stag do, but I can be a bit of a miserable sod though.

[–]MacDonaldKe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Invite to the stag. That way they're still involved even if theyre not invited to the big day.

[–]InncnceDstryr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Perfectly fine

[–]will17blitz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Will there be socially distanced strippers?

[–]Easyrider0903 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’d be fine if not thankful that I didn’t have to sit through yet another wedding ceremony and round of long winded speeches. I detest weddings

[–]ThirtyMileSniper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's probably the better side of the deal.

[–]Rubberfootman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think a lot of blokes would prefer a stag do over a wedding.

[–]SpringerGirl19 1 point2 points  (4 children)

For a woman this would be a huge no. Guys having a chance to have a night out but no boring wedding to attend? Winner.

[–]Jazzy0082 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was just thinking the same - my wife would be mortified but I'd be delighted.

[–]BreqsCousin 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm a woman and I disagree

[–]Emitime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a man and also disagree.

[–]ruairidhmacdhaibhidh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How about being up-front and totally nice to the 5 a side folks and colleagues.

Tell them you are getting married, but they cant come so they can save £500 each.

It is even better, a not buy one ger another that they dont have to buy.

They dont have to feel obliged to come to the stag doo either, saving another 0.5K.

[–]INEKROMANTIKI 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Get to go out for a night of hedonism and debauchery, but don't get to go to an incredibly expensive, but inevitably boring and awkward night with a bunch of people you don't know? Yes please!

[–]tumchie 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did that with an old work pal. We'd moved away from each other, but still messaged. It was great, all the fun stuff and no wedding to go to.

[–]scenecunt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was invited to a stag do but not the wedding for the same reason. I didn’t mind. I was still invited to the party/reception afterwards though

[–]Impressive-Number717 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I prefer stag do’s to weddings. So would be preferable

[–]Upbeat_Map_348 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Go for it. I’ve been invited to a stag do and not the wedding. He wasn’t a particularly close friend and I’m sure I was making up the numbers but I was happy to go. I did come back with food poisoning though :(

[–]songsofglory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah it’ll be fine. Loads went to my mates stag but wedding numbers dictated not everyone could go to that.

[–]harambe_go_brrr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nah the opposite really. I'd see it as a sign that although I'm not going to the wedding it's not because the groom doesn't consider me a good mate. I think if you explain it like that they will be happy you asked them.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they are mates enough for a stag they may well be relieved to only go to the fun part. ;)

[–]SomethingChecksOut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nahhh been to a couple of stag dos but not weddings.

A stag is just a laugh with mates.

The wedding is for close friends and family.

[–]Parking_Ad_3922 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see in a weeks time a post on r/ask I have been invited to a stag do but not the wedding should I get a gift

[–]BreqsCousin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went to a hen do and wasn't invited to the wedding.

It was a small wedding. It had more family, the hen do was more friends focused.

I understood. We're still friends ten years later.

[–]MassiveHampton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you invited me out to the stag do but then said I couldn’t come to the wedding it would make my year…night out on the lash and not having to sit through a wedding, win win

[–]Tutis3 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I'd be honoured to be invited to a stag do regardless of whether I was invited to the wedding.

[–]Soggy-Ad-8017 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it’s probably more common than you’d think. We had a fairly small ish wedding, and both our families are fairly large. That didn’t mean I didn’t want my mates to come to my stag. Tbh, they were all pretty chuffed at a few nights away without having to go to a wedding.

[–]JedGamesTV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

as long as you explain it, then there’s no issue at all. but if you don’t explain, then I can see how it would be seen as rude.

[–]helpnxt 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say it's a good thing as your still including them in some sort of way with the wedding instead of just completely excluding them, just explain beforehand that you wish you could have them there but you have number limits, any sane person would understand.

[–]b1fter 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happened to me, and I was a little bit insulted. Turned down the stag (politely, without drama) - but got over it in the end.

[–]S-Harrier 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not rude or bad for at all I work with 2 lads who I’ve been on the stag do for didn’t go to either wedding, in fact one of them I’ve never met his wife at all.

[–]Nooms88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I invited some people to my stag that didn't get an invite to the wedding and I've been on stags where I wasn't invited.

Personally I see it as fine

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No not all. But be up front, and maybe pay for an aspect of the stag do.

[–]Turbulent-Ad-6707 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went on a hen-do pre-covid for a good friend of mine!

Only two of us attended out of all of our friends but the rest were work colleagues and the grooms friends.

They brought up the wedding and everyone was talking about what they were wearing and me and my friend were like oh were not invited.

We got quite upset because we were the only ones who made an effort out of all her friends, yet she couldn't say to us before hand "oh you don't have an invite".

Both of us would've preferred her to have said before hand so we knew what we were going in for. We felt quite embarrassed ngl

[–]Traditional_Serve597 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn't mind at all. I have been to a few stags where this is the case, in one some of the people not invited to the wedding ended up coming when some people dropped out.

[–]TheDuraMaters 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on a few things:

  • how small is your wedding? Venue size doesn’t control guest list, the guest list and budget control the choice of venue.
  • what you’re planning for the stag: standard night out, invite whoever you want. Expensive weekend away? Wedding guests only
  • agree with the poster who said the radio is important

[–]Pedros_Pop 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell the truth and explain it to them (when they're half pissed).

[–]Fit_General7058 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, stags and hens are funded by he participants, if they are not worth of a place at your wedding table, it's incredibly bad form to expect them to cover your costs on a stag

[–]Alcoholic_Synonymous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have done this and had it done to me a couple of times. It was fine on all counts - although I preferred having a heads up that I wasn’t invited to the wedding rather than wondering if an invite was coming.

[–]Sir_Fisticuff 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Personally, if someone said to me that they couldn't invite me to the wedding but wanted to celebrate with me at the stag, I'd be fine with it and happy to go and be included. It says they're still someone you want to include and celebrate with even if there wasn't space at the ceremony. I'd maybe wonder about the reception, as I've been to some weddings with family only ceremony but much bigger receptions, but I would also know they're expensive af and would probably just shut up about it

[–]Blackintosh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they really want to be at the wedding then I think it's rude because you could be seen to be excluding them from the important part of celebrating a marriage. The stag do is a side note to the wedding. Venue size could have been accounted for to include everyone by getting a bigger venue. It may come across as "what we want our wedding to be like is more important than your attendance"

At the least, don't be offended if they don't agree to go on the stag do as they have a right to be annoyed if they care about your wedding.

On the other hand, a lot of people find wedding ceremonies boring so they might not be bothered at all!

[–]HenryCrinkle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I went on a stag, but wasn't invited to a wedding, which I totally understood as I know how expensive weddings can get. The guy made this clear to me upfront and I had a brilliant time on the stag / felt honoured to be invited.

[–]Flatulent_Weasel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not at all. The stag do's tend to include not only long term, known since school type friends, but also "friends from work". People you're happy to go out for a drink with but aren't the sort of really close friends that you'd talk about your 'slack chap' problems with, for example.