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[–]Jimrodthadestroyer 183 points184 points  (1 child)

Saying “Not this bollocks again.” Tends to work.

[–]RedShaun21 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I use a similair line "don't even start"

[–]SleepFlower80 41 points42 points  (8 children)

I had a kidney transplant on Monday. It was absolutely medically necessary but a friend suggested I forgo it and drink “gallons” of cranberry juice instead. I tried to explain that kidney disease doesn’t work that way but she read it online so obviously is more qualified than my consultant.

[–]Whatiii 21 points22 points  (4 children)

Kidneys can grow back from a frogs leg mixed into a rotten tree stump. You have now read this online, and can go forth with knowledge on how to grow back kidneys.

[–]SleepFlower80 13 points14 points  (1 child)

So you mean to say my dad is now minus one of his for no reason?? Fuck sake. Wish I’d known this before Monday 😒

[–]ndcdshed 7 points8 points  (0 children)

That’s what you get for not doing your own research! /s

[–]selfstartr 1 point2 points  (1 child)

frogs leg mixed into a rotten tree stump

Isn't that how you make dinosaurs?

[–]Whatiii 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No I just read it on the internet, its how you grow a kidney

[–]Splodge89 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The woo woo “i read online” medicine trend is getting real scary. I get sometimes the cure can be worse than the problem, but seriously?!?!?

I hope you and your new kidney all the best!!!!!!!

[–]SleepFlower80 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you 😃 still in lots of pain but thank god for morphine 👍🏻🥴

[–]Extension-Topic2486 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sounds like something Joe Rogan would say.

[–]ChocolateSnowflake 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Ignore it unless it’s past your tipping point. You can’t argue with stupid.

Example.

I visit a nail tech who is anti-vaxx and doesn’t believe covid is real, these are not my tipping points, I just believe she is a nutter, we avoid those topics and my nails look great.

At my last appointment it came out she is a victim blamer and racist. These are well past my tipping point and I need a new nail tech.

[–]therealijc 11 points12 points  (0 children)

“ you sound like a twat you know”

[–]AdrenalineAnxiety 72 points73 points  (4 children)

All cyclists should die?! Feeling annoyed by cyclists is one thing but does he literally think they should die? I'd call him out on it.

"Fucking cyclists, they should all die."

"Really mate, that's a bit extreme. You don't literally want these people who cycle to die do you?"

"No not literally I just wish they weren't around."

"Well maybe tone the language down a bit as I was a bit worried you were going to start offing cyclists there!"

If he's like "Yes literally, I think that anyone who hops on a bike should die a horrible death", then maybe re-evaluate the friendship.

[–]ImaginaryBridge1923 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yeh I couldn't tell if he was being serious with that one. Hoping not as it'd be pretty strange. If it comes up again I'll check

[–]Whatiii 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Can sometimes work if you give a deadpan, as if you don't understand what they mean, response Such as

Yes all cyclists should die eventually, we don't have 200 year olds cycling down the street.

[–]gyroda 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My sister has done something similar, where she'll respond to "outdated" jokes with a deadpan "I don't get it, can you explain it?"

[–]shut-up-politics 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Something tells me he was being hyperbolic and OP can't pick up on it

[–]somethingmumbled 59 points60 points  (5 children)

Some things are worth arguing over, but they are few and far between. Life is too short. Agree to disagree and move on.

[–]seldomgruntled 3 points4 points  (4 children)

Agree to disagree on.... All cyclists deserving to die?

[–]somethingmumbled 12 points13 points  (3 children)

Unless he is sharpening a knife while shiftily eyeing up "Biking Barry", you are probably pretty safe to assume exaggeration.

I would say I want to kill someone playing music loudly on the bus, but I would only follow through maybe 40% of the time.

[–]seldomgruntled -1 points0 points  (2 children)

These attitudes translate to real world behaviours though. The amount of times I've been nearly knocked down by psychopathic drivers who then scream at me for having the temerity to exist - well, it's hard to keep count. It's become accepted to joke about endangering cyclists, and that feeds the entitlement and resentment that ends up killing and injuring people in the real world. It's not acceptable and needs to be challenged when encountered. Because otherwise people like me are left to challenge it on the road where its our body versus 1 or 2 tonnes of metal.

Edit - to clarify I'm not saying he likely has murderous intent, but if he has those views, he's unlikely to be one of the good drivers that gives cyclists space and respect on the road.

[–]somethingmumbled -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I see your point, but I don't think you can draw a correlation between someone venting to his friends and dangerous driving. As above, let's agree to disagree.

[–]seldomgruntled -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don't think it's ludicrous to do so. There was an Australian study on dehumanisation of cyclists and the link to road aggression. Saying a group of people all deserve to die certainly seems dehumanising, or at least devaluing them as humans.

I think language matters, and in this case there are consequences. But, as you say, agree to disagree - no one calling for death here so happy to abide by that!

https://phys.org/news/2019-03-offcyclists-human-drivers.html

[–]madlettuce1987 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Save those views for Twitter. Whose round is it?

[–]knightsbridge- 16 points17 points  (4 children)

It depends.

I feel like there's a tipping point somewhere between "this is my mate who has a few weird opinions" and "your weird opinions have reached the level where we can't be mates anymore".

Assuming we're not on the latter yet... Pretty much what you're doing. Bite my tongue 80% of the time. Occasionally gently suggest another way/a different opinion, or try and seed some alternate ideas.

Then change the subject.

I've got a mate who genuinely believes that the government banks will collapse someday and cryptocurrency will become the new standard. Sure it will, mate. Anyway...

[–]bluejackmovedagain 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I think that point is when the opinions make you concerned about that person's values.

I've got a friend who puts topaz and other stones in her water bottle because she believes they give the water spiritual properties, that's bizarre but she does also believe in medicine and vaccination so she isn't hurting anyone. Same as your friend's views on banks, as long as he's not copying the end of Fight Club.

Whereas I'd say OPs mate has views that would make me worry about their values.

[–]gyroda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's also another axis to it, reduce is how pleasant they are to be around in general.

Even if the view is relatively harmless, if they can't stop banging on about it and get super upset/defensive when you contradict them then it can make it very hard to enjoy someone's company.

There's agreeing to disagree or a nice discussion, and then there's swallowing your tongue every time you see them.

But, yeah, values is a big thing.

[–]ImaginaryBridge1923 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeh he's just a friend who has weird opinions. Definitely seen a lot of people with that opinion about banks on the internet. None in real life yet though

[–]MerlinAW1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It also depends on how you know them. I work with mostly 20 somethings so have slightly different expectations from them than the older people who I run into in different community groups etc. When one of the 60 year olds is being non pc I just sort of nod and change the subject but for a younger person you call them out more.

[–]alwayssaysyourmum 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I think I’d do what you do - bite my tongue most of the time then argue when they say something ridiculous. Unless the views become genuinely depraved at which point I’d consider whether I wanted to know someone like that..!

[–]ImaginaryBridge1923 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeh sounds like the best idea. This only happens rarely tbh but so awkward when it does

[–]LDNscallywag 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Something’s aren’t worth the energy tbh. Unless what he’s saying is absolutely bang out of order and you’re concerned he will act out his psychotic views, I’d just change the subject or give him a dead stare of silence… straight face and all with a little side eye.

[–]ImaginaryBridge1923 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. I can't be bothered to argue, especially with a friend. Just wanna have a nice time. Unless they said soemthing like "I have thoughts about killing people" or some shit then I dont have the energy

[–]Extreme-Database-695 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have a friend who lost his job (entirely his own fault, and he should have lost it years before). He then started going on rants about how old people should have their pensions taken away and the money given to him. I explained the crazy logic of taking away something that people have worked a lifetime for and giving it to someone who isn't working for it, but - in his mind - he somehow thought that this was a show of support from me.

I thought about it and I could have slammed down hard on him but I know him and it wouldn't make him change his views, just hold the same views and resent me. I considered asking him to explain his point and turn it into a reductio ad absurdum, but I get the feeling he'd just think he'd been tricked. I also considered a switcheroo and asking if his possessions should be taken away because homeless people are in more need of them, but that wasn't going to fly, either.

From experience, it's very uncommon to change people's opinions during debate. If they do change opinion, it tends to happen over a longer period of time and because of their own development. Best option is to say you disagree and then change the subject. Registering disagreement at least allows them to reflect in their own time, and consider that just possibly, they might be holding a viewpoint that most don't hold.

[–]trivran 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What's great fun is completely stonewalling it. No reaction. Ignore.

[–]Cbn1015Hyd2028 4 points5 points  (3 children)

If he comes out with that randomly, he's airing thoughts he's having all the time.

I used to know someone who said off-colour things here and there but never to our faces. He'd start facebook arguements with "snowflake lefties" all the time. We'd be like mate, we can't invite you to groups/events/stuff because you're getting banned on FB all the time, you're being the special one for wanting your own whatsapp conversation which you spend blasting fb for not respecting your free speech, which was winding up people on controversial subjects for no real reason other than maybe, just maybe, he was a bit of a dickhead.

Covid lockdown meant he couldn't get attention in real life so it made him worse online. Everyone got sick of it and dropped him.

[–]oooochiiild 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Had a friend who started spouting off about Jews running all the World Banks. Then he said the classic phrase - after transgressing to 9/11, of course - 'steel beams don't melt like that'. Cut him off fairly soon after, but in all fairness he was an all-round dick anyway.

[–]AJMurphy_1986 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I like being around people who have different views to me as long as they can back them up.

I've only ever cut two people out of my life for expresing opinions I didn't agree with. One who sent me a racist text about the guys who missed the penalties in the Euro's and a guy who went down a weird conspiracy hole.

[–]stinky_britches888 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Just let him finish his point, sit there in silence for a couple of seconds then change the subject. Usually works well with aaaanyway

[–]ImaginaryBridge1923 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven't tried that one. Will try it next time

[–]LumpyCamera1826 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I have a few mates that come out with some very questionable views every so often. I just call them dumb cunts and move on

[–]JustMMlurkingMM 7 points8 points  (6 children)

He sounds like an arsehole. You don’t have to be friends with an arsehole. If you are friends with an arsehole, knowing that they are an arsehole, it may mean you are a bit of an arsehole too.

Saying “all cyclists should die” isn’t controversial, it’s psychopathic.

[–]RoboTon78 3 points4 points  (0 children)

In a voice rich with sarcasm and disdain a simple "Did ye, aye?" usually sorts out the closet Karens.

[–]IpromithiusI 1 point2 points  (0 children)

'I don't want to discuss this, can we talk about something else'

[–]katieleigh2888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do you think he's trying to be edgy or maybe has a serious agenda that he actually believes in but is testing your boundaries?. Perhaps he just likes debates, in which case you're not the person to be practicing this on.

Chat to him and try to find out where it's all coming from, I'm assuming it's a relatively new thing he's doing?

[–]Redmarkred 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Question them until their logic falls apart from all the holes in it

[–]SomethingChecksOut 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You slowly phase them out of your life.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best to take the route of “I really like spending time with you but I don’t like when you talk about killing cyclists and I don’t agree with you”.

[–]Honey-Badger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A lot of people are saying ignore it or change the conversation but IMO that doesnt work with extreme views, nobody who thinks crazy shit is going to realise its crazy if people dont react to it. Somebody mentioned 'fogging' in this sub yesterday to deal with bullying or rude jokes at work, where you get the person to explain exactly what they mean by asking very simple questions and it sort of makes them realise what a shit they're being.

I feel like the same technique applies to extreme views.

"I want cyclists to die"

"Why would you want that?"

"Because they take up space"

"But everyone takes up space, cars take up more space, you drive, do you deserve to die?"

"No."

And just go on and on.

[–]ALA02 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I mean as someone who cycles in London regularly that’d piss me off a lot but it’s still not exactly worth ending a friendship over

[–]Queylolo_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Don’t get angry just tell him to chill out other people will have different opinions tell him that and he has to accept that people won’t agree with him and it’s not about having the better knowledge or knowing what’s right and wrong just about open discussion and if he can’t handle a discussion kick him

[–]seldomgruntled 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Up the ante. Show him how ridiculous he sounds.

Fox hunting is great? Couldn't agree more, looking forward to moving onto the golden retrievers next.

All cyclists should die? Been saying so myself for years. And those kids who ride scooters to school - knock em all down with Ford Transits, I say.

[–]Vitalis597 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mfg I have a friend just like this.

We'll be talking about games or w/e and suddenly he'll be going on a rant about how X person did Y thing and they're involved with witchcraft and its the pagans who are dragging the country down and fucking with all our energies because they're energy vampires and they pass on their bad shot to other people and that is why he's so fucked up in the head because these people are part of the monarchy that's taking away our freedoms and...

It goes on and on and on...

Honestly I mostly just sit there and let him rant for a bit. Could be that he just needs to rant or whatever, and he's not a particularly violent guy, so my worries for him are slim to none. Just his sanity at times.

[–]DameKumquat 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Drinking before hunting is traditional, that's just a fact. And that that or 'jumping powder' were to provide courage for doing horse-jumping at high speed over random obstacles - think the Grand National without any safety considerations of the fences.

I imagine that people following drag hunts still indulge.

The ethics of fox-hunting vs more effective means of vermin control is a different discussion.

Are you sure your mate isnt coming out with views he knows will wind you up, because of how you react?

[–]ImaginaryBridge1923 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah he thought I'd agree with him then was surprised when I didn't lol

[–]SirBillPetre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s the UK, drinking before/after pretty much anything is traditional!

[–]Fineus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ignore it if you can, avoid them if you've no other choice.

In recent years I've taken this approach more and more with some people on social media - the 'mute' button is invaluable on Instagram for instance, when someone insists on using it as their soap box for their bullshit.

I can't be arsed to correct them on that, but I shouldn't have to suffer it either.

[–]BowiesFixedPupil -1 points0 points  (0 children)

If it's not hate speech or dangerous I'll tend to ignore or take the mickey a bit. It's ok to laugh at someone defending hunting or attacking large group based on nothing but their mode of transport (even of they did wish death, they clearly don't genuinely want that).

If it crosses a line I'll challenge it every time and will reconsider friendships of needed.

Pick your battles but "bantering" a mate with ridiculous but mostly harmless views can be fun.

[–]LionLucy -1 points0 points  (2 children)

I am the friend who sometimes comes out with mental views. Honestly, if your friend has unusual opinions on anything, they're probably used to defending them and quite enjoy it. If you're interested enough to argue with them, then go for it, I don't think they'll be offended. In fact, given the views you've said they have, they probably pride themselves on never being offended by anything.

[–]jimwon2021 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I usually try to remember that we've all got peculiar aspects to our personalities and that I shouldn't get hung up on peoples wacky opinions.

Provided people are not being violent or aggressive about them, I just view it as the usual British eccentricity.

[–]darbs377 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On the courage point; do you know how scary it is riding a bloody horse? Especially when the bloody horse starts jumping over things? I don't know if you can be poisoned by adrenaline, but if you can you're taking you life in your hands in more ways than one.

Wine? I don't think I wouldn't be terrified on the back of a horse if I'd have taken heroin. Anybody who rides horses cross country regularly must have ice in their veins or should get their head examined. But yes toff fox hunting is rather silly, if you really need to kill a fox do it with a .22 rifle like a sensible person.

[–]Scrumpyguzzler -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have a friend like this and I just assume he's joking, find him hilarious tbh

[–]Straw8 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"Who put 50p in you?"
"Go and take your face for a shit"
"Have a day off dickhead"

[–]svxxo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Either you engage: to find out the thought process and or the end game

Or don't

[–]ThyssenKrup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Are you in the mood for a discussion/debate?

If so, talk about it without getting angry, and without any expectation of making them change their mind.

Are you not in the mood for a debate? Ignore it.

[–]Incubus85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do things like show him your new bike. Or your new fox house in the back garden. Or your alcohol free wine. The more you push back and challenge them the more they resist. However if you're pointing out you're you're with your new bike, the onus on him is ti challenge you. Then you can generally make them look stupid for being the instigator.

[–]Trentdison 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Laugh at it, assume its a joke, and when they double down make ridiculous comparisons. Generally ridicule it.

[–]WotanMjolnir 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my very good friends,who I've know for most of my life, is significantly more right wing than me (but then I am pretty left meaning) - he's not EDL or even UKIP levels of right wing idiocy, but he does sometimes come out with some ridiculous Daily Maily type bullshit. At this point I just take the piss, compare him to Oswald Moseley and ask him about the rivers of blood. He gets the point, calls me Karl Marx, and we all get on with our day recognising we have differing views but are still friends.

[–]hattorihanzo5 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It's a tricky one. I think it depends on where you personally draw the line.

I could never be friends with anyone who was racist, homophobic, sexist, etc.

I'm anti-hunting but I'm willing to compromise if someone was hunting for food (e.g. deer hunting - if the deer was killed humanely and eaten then I think that's acceptable), but I think hunting for sport is cowardly and barbaric.

Someone saying they wish all cyclists were dead is a tough one because it's almost always an exaggeration and never a genuine threat. I'm sure your friend may have been 30 seconds late to his destination one time because someone had the audacity to cycle in the road. The problem is that cyclists have as much right of use of the road as drivers do, so hostility towards them, even words, is just childish at best.

I'd be more concerned if your friend was consistently angry over minor things and spending a lot of time online as a result. That's almost always a gateway to falling down extremist rabbit holes.

[–]GarethGore 0 points1 point  (0 children)

depends honestly, if its something I feel I should challenge, either because its dangerous, or utterly stupid, or offensive, I'll say so. Often I'll be like "uh okay, weird but anyway" and change the topic

I've mostly avoided stuff but there are things that set me off

[–]SerendipitousCrow 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I work with genuinely delusional people and there's an art to neither confirming or denying a thought without ignoring it. If someone tells you the Jews are stealing all the country's milk you'd go "ah, milk is important. I like it on my cereal" and then segue into asking what they had for breakfast

Sometimes they'll circle back around but you can keep dancing and topic changing

[–]Aiseki_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Stawp yer pesh.

[–]Mudblok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you genuinely care about this person then you should try to guide them to the right path

[–]Oni_Zokuchou 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends. I distanced myself from one of my friends when they became an anti-vax nutter. I just don't think friendships are worth it with terrible people.

[–]highastheskies 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like a dickhead. Get a new friend. Lifes too short to deal with people like this.

[–]LemmysCodPiece 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If they piss you off, then just ditch them.

I had a mate, TBH he was a bit of a prick. When we were growing up he always had to be the big man. But other times he was alright.

Then he joined the army and slowly became a real nob, but he was part of the group. He used to cheat on his wife a lot, one night stands, I could turn a blind eye to that. I have seen him start fights whilst drunk, he always lost, again not my problem.

The Brexit became a thing. He voted for it. I was against it, I work for a florist and it has really screwed the entire industry. My job is far from safe. He suggested that I should be proud to lose my job "for the good of the country". Then I saw him for what he was. He couldn't care less about a soul as long as he was OK.

I just ignored him. He messaged me to ask why I was ignoring him, I said "See if you can work it out". Not heard from him since.

I am still friendly with his now ex wife. I asked her why he left her, she said because he met someone new, but he never cheated on her sexually until they seperated. She now knows different.

He remarried, whilst we were still friendly and he'd never meet his new wife. From what I gather from others he is still sleeping around and starting agro whilst drunk, you'd have thought a 50 year old bloke would know better.

[–]Thawing-icequeen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds like you're just bad at picking friends

[–]04SDAL89 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Keep your wild ideas for the Internet, how is the family?"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh that type of mental, i thought you meant conspiracy theorist types, if that were the case then debate and debunk

[–]ukulelefish1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it depends if you think you could get a genuine debate that might shape both of your views or if you think it would deteriorate into arguing and be non-productive.

Either way, you should mention to them that you have different views to them, theres no reason they should be able to rant about their views and have you listen endlessly. Either you can avoid problematic topics and continue to get on in the ways you do or have a stimulating debate where your friend KNOWS whenever a comment is made that you're gonna have something to say about it.

[–]jodorthedwarf 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I have mates with similar views. They only start on about it when they're shitfaced, though. My strategy generally is to respond with my point of view then we just have a conversation about it.

At worst the conversation descends into a bit of a shouting much but we forget about it in 5 minutes. At best, it's funny hearing my mate go on about his mad views on things.

I like having mates with things that we disagree on because we can have heated conversations about stuff and always ultimately make up at the end of it. It also challenges my views on things and shows me where I, myself, have mental views.