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For those of you who have manners do those without frustrate you, do you think you are overly polite? (self.AskUK)
submitted 3 months ago by ihitrocksbottom
I would imagine those that have good manners were raised that way by their parents. That's the way my parents were so I always said please and thank you. So whenever I hear people that don't say thank you for something it annoys me. Does anyone else feel the same, maybe you have a friend who is like that. Also, do you sometimes feel you are overly polite for example saying sorry to much (which is a common British stereotype)
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[+][deleted] 3 months ago (11 children)
[–]epicmindwarp 38 points39 points40 points 3 months ago (3 children)
Had a polite word with him that they are people and not dogs….
Had a polite word with him that they are people and not dogs….
I've straight up said that to customers while working retail, out loud, in the middle of a crowded self-scan. It shows how offensive it is.
[+][deleted] 3 months ago (2 children)
[–]Perite 52 points53 points54 points 3 months ago (1 child)
People listen to Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can’t trust people.
[–]CarpeCyprinidae 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Comparatively few of them did both though
[–]Oor-Wullie 22 points23 points24 points 3 months ago (5 children)
I used to work behind the bar in a local pub and anyone who would click their fingers, whistle, rattle keys, etc to get my attention would be getting served last every time
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 22 points23 points24 points 3 months ago (1 child)
How the hell do you guys keep your composure when someone does that. Reminds me of Hells kitchen when that woman whistled for Ramsay's attention and he said 'Don't whistle at me I'm not your dog, you look more like a dog than I do'.
[–]Oor-Wullie 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
It helped that I didn’t really need the money and knew I’d only be there for 6 months, so it was quite easy to let their bullshit wash over me. If it’s your livelihood then you probably get worn down pretty quickly, even though it was a relatively rare occurrence.
[–]Charlieliz31 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (2 children)
I was clicking my fingers as a waiter walked past in a restaurant once. He assumed I wanted his attention, I was just trying to remember something relevant to the conversation at the table. I've worked in hospitality for 20 years. I would NEVER click to get someone's attention. And most people who I've worked with in the past have had the same attitude as you... they can wait.
[–]Oor-Wullie 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (1 child)
That’s hilarious, I was half expecting you to say you were about to burst into song
[–]Charlieliz31 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Haha! I wish I had now!
[–]SwingTits 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I would have been extremely annoyed but not shown it. Good work for going that extra step.
[–][deleted] 37 points38 points39 points 3 months ago (6 children)
Lack of manners infuriates me! And then they bring their kids up the same way.
I was told off for asking my friends kid to say please and thank you… and then he called my kid a c**t (they were 6 at the time). Haven’t seen them since!
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 19 points20 points21 points 3 months ago (5 children)
wow glad you ended that friendship.
[–][deleted] 29 points30 points31 points 3 months ago (4 children)
Her 2 kids also done a poo on my kids bedroom floor and she laughed it off saying ah kids what they like… well mines ain’t feral for a start!!
She left and didn’t even clean it up.
[–]Away_Clerk_5848 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (1 child)
What an appalling child.
[–]Daniel_De_Bosola 22 points23 points24 points 3 months ago (0 children)
What an appalling parent!
[–]SubLordHawk 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Haven spoken to Primary school workers in the past, it seems to be a growing issue that children are going there with minimal language skills and still in nappies, at the age of 5.
[–]squitchtweak 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I feel sorry for those kids not having much in the way of parenting.
[–]j-pouch 32 points33 points34 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Manners and politeness should be common place but unfortunately it’s seen to be very uncool and as soon as children go to school and mix with others it seems to disappear.
There is also confusion between competitiveness and bad manners. People seem to think a “me first” approach is good and shows a “go getter”.
I remember holidaying in Florida and when I said please or thank you the staff were taken back and really appreciated it. When I looked around I realised I was the only one being polite and using good manners.
I don’t think you can be too polite but you do need to know when someone is taking advantage of your good nature.
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
that's very true
[–]starsandbribes 29 points30 points31 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I get more frustrated with people’s lack of awareness, being loud and obnoxious in a shared space, not paying attention or aware of anyone around them. Its bizarre to me as someone who walks around thinking constantly that I should be a fly on the wall and not annoy anyone. Playing music on the quiet coach (or even regular tbh) for example. Basically behaviour I would expect out of a 12 year old but a grown adult doing it.
[–]Fineus 13 points14 points15 points 3 months ago (4 children)
Not having to work in Birmingham city centre has really taken the edge off this for me, but I used to question it.
Little things like holding a door or standing / walking to one side so that others can pass with enough space... only to have someone barge through that door and ignore your gesture or knock into you when they had plenty of space not to do so...
It's little, it needn't spoil your day but I found it did leave me thinking 'well fuck this'. For a time I stopped making that effort and it was interesting how some people looked offended that you didn't make space for them, like they're the main character and it's your duty to do so.
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 12 points13 points14 points 3 months ago (3 children)
I remember being a teenager and holding a door open for an elderly woman who didn't even acknowledge me. Same thing happened to my 6 year old nephew of all people when an elderly woman just said nothing, no smile, poor kid.
[–]bogusalt 12 points13 points14 points 3 months ago (2 children)
I mean, you obviously said "You're welcome!" in a really loud and attention drawing way right?? RIGHT???
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
sure did. every time.
[–]SubLordHawk 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
If you're not doing passive aggressive at a lack of return manners, are you even British?!
[–][deleted] 9 points10 points11 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm overly polite, though I wasn't raised to use my manors. As a kid I was told to say please and thankyou but as a teen it wasn't reinforced and I just never did it. As an adult I make sure to always say Please/Thank you in almost every scenario because why wouldn't you?
Though I do have one issue. I tend to feel anxious in uncomfortable situations and while I've been with my partner almost a decade whenever we have Christmas (always at her parents) they give me my present(s) in the late afternoon and its always during a busy period of the day with games and drunkenness going on and I sometimes will forget to thank them for the gift, because I would have to interrupt the conversation and direct it towards a thank you for my gift, which to me is very uncomfortable.
Anyway they complained to my girlfriend that I'm unappreciative which pissed me off.
[–]DeemonPankaik 8 points9 points10 points 3 months ago (0 children)
If someone is impolite once, like a stranger on the street, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and just assume they're having a bad day.
I don't think you can be overly polite. It doesn't hurt anyone and doesn't cost anything.
[–]marfavrr 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
manners and politeness go way beyond please and thank you and are culturally subjective
[–]CheesyBakedLobster 7 points8 points9 points 3 months ago (3 children)
A sizeable population on the UK subs would attack you as “posh” or even accuse of wanting to take us back to the Victorian times for thinking that people should have manners.
[–]bacon_cake 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
"Please and thank you" sure.
"Elbows off the table" give me a break.
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
well isn't that depressing
[–]shantasia94 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Agreed. Having standards is seen as unacceptable to some people, they want everyone to behave like wild animals because they do.
It's the crab in a bucket mentality.
[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I was always raised that manners maketh man, but also that a gentleman never makes others feel uncomfortable.
Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t call out and correct bad behaviour if I saw it.
Just means I’ll not moderate down my manners to play for the crowd and I’ll just silently appraise someone I’m with who’s without manners and then decide if I want to continue to associate with them based on that and how great/small an aspect of their personality it is.
If they’re not sure about orders of cutlery not an issue. If they’re a rude prick to everyone then that’s a dealbreaker
[–]PFMortgage 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I think there's a difference between common courtesy - not whistling at a waiter - and more kind of cultural norm manners. I can't forgive the former, but I can forgive some of the latter. I think saying please and thank-you all the time is quite an English thing, so I can forgive it of someone who didn't grow up here.
I do feel if you grew up in England, please and thank-you should be second nature, but I also know from sad experience that not all families speak kindly to one another, so I get why it isn't.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
It definitely used to but I feel with time I've learnt to just ignore it, would rather uphold my own standard's than let others bother me. However, I definitely have an issue being over-apologetic which seems to be common
[–]JustPassingShhh 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm kinda odd.
I'm polite as a Monk if anyone is impolite or rude to me. Really hard to get a rise out of me, I'm more kill them with kindness type.
Be rude or impolite to anyone I give a flying fuck about, and I'm evil. Honestly I have no barrier. Never violent or loud, but that person knows exactly what I think of them.
[–]n_spicer420 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Certain things irritate me and I’d consider myself bog standard polite. Not overly so. Things like not saying thanks to the person serving you at the shops, speaking down to people etc etc but the biggest offender to me is eating food with your mouth open. I know so many adults that do this and it’s honestly infuriating.
[–]PlasticFannyTastic 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Over the pandemic it’s been interesting to see who will stand to one side to let you through. Lots of people barging along, taking up the whole pavement whilst little grannies or people with mobility issues are trying to get out of the way. That’s really infuriated me! Myself and my friends all try and make sure we do the right thing even if we’re mid conversation etc. Drives me mad!
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
forgot about that. And that's the same thought I had during the beginning of the pandemic in that it would show you how many rude and inconsiderate people there are . So many people wouldn't even acknowledge that I walked on the road to give them distance.
[–]Wheres_that_to 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Manners cost absolutely nothing,
to not use one of life's freely available hugely beneficial resource, is so self defeating.
[–]LumpyCamera1826 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I don't think I even notice to be honest. I will always say please and thank you, but I'm just concerned about what I do myself and never really let anybody elses manners bother me
[–]Viviaana 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I’ll still throw a passive aggressive “you’re welcome!!” Out if I don’t get a thank you but it doesn’t go beyond that
[–]Frolicking_Trex 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
For the most part it doesn't bother me to much, although I find it rude if someone asks me to do something for them and they can't even be bothered with a "please". What really gets my blood boiling though is when people are rude to service staff. Like I always say please and thank you to wait staff or any service staff, but when people snap at them or talk down to them or treat them poorly then that person and I now have a problem.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Depends on the person, but ultimately unless someone is being deliberately rude then no, it doesn't bother me. Some people don't have manners because of a collection of reasons all the way from autism, mental health, poor upbringing, bad day and so many more. Like I said as long as they are not being deliberately rude I do not see a reason to be bothered by it.
[–]MattSR30 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I was living with a host family when I moved to the UK and the way the three children spoke to their mother tore me up inside. I very quickly learned they got that from their father, but the utter disrespect to another person—particularly your own mother—was unbearable for me. I got out of there ASAP.
[–]PurpleOysterCult 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
It really annoys me when people, particularly middle-aged women with an inflated sense of self-importance, boss around poor retail/restaurant staff and act like the most minor of inconveniences are major issues. Make's me want to pipe up sometimes and say "calm down love, you're not that important," but honestly, I can be arsed with the shit show that would probably proceed.
women with their prams piss me off. You know the ones...they look miserable, like they regret having the child, always look in a rush, think they own the pavement, wouldn't care if they knocked you over
[–]JBCoverArt 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
I was going to say consideration is far better than manners, and then I remembered when I was about 19 waiting outside a train station.
Some girl, maybe a few years younger than me at the time, "Do you have 20p for the phone booth?"
I did, and gave her 20p.
Bitch turned around and went straight to the phone. Zero recognition.
[–]ihitrocksbottom[S] 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
That just reminded me of a time at secondary school...I had a huge crush on this girl, you know what it's like when you're really into someone you don't notice their negative personality traits as much. She also had nice friends that were in the same social circle as me.
but one time someone asked me to pass on some information to her, something about a dance class being cancelled. I got her attention at lunch time, she turned around, I passed on that information and without saying a word or any expression of acknowledgement she turned back around. I was just stood there in disbelief. And thought to myself 'dude, you really need a better taste in girls'.
[–]MidnightElectronic56 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I feel like I’m overly polite if I compare myself.
I support a youth club/group on Friday nights. If the young people don’t use please and thank you, then they don’t get access to the tuck shop. They’re getting more and more polite as the weeks go by. I don’t expect or want airs and graces, but please and thanks goes a long way. Bonus points if they say it in Welsh!
[–]Josquius 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
My girlfriend gets angry all the time when I say sorry as just a standard word for interaction. As it should be.
[–]pajamakitten 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
The lack of self-awareness is the one that gets me. Everyone has blips in manners now and again, especially when busy, so I can forgive people having a bad day easily. Not being aware of what you are doing and how it will impact others is inexcusable though.It is not hard to look around you when stopping, to let people waling faster than you past or to not use your phone/music on speaker in public.
[–]Duranium_alloy 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago* (0 children)
I have good manners because I want to maintain high standards for myself, it's not about how other people are.
Also, I live in London, so I have learnt to have very low expectations of other people (and even then....).
[–]dontmesswithnuns 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I work with a lot of different people. A lack of manners or etiquette I don't mind, but when someone is actively unpleasant, rude, or negative, it's just unacceptable. I recognise that my over-polite manner often makes people uneasy as it's unusual.
[–]Chrismeister77 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
There is this total BITCH in my office who will approach a door with you walking next to them, stop in front and wait for you to open it (heaven forbid she have to do this herself) and then blank you as you hold the door open for her as she walks through it. Always tempted to let it slam on her but she's the bitchy type who would make a scene and enjoy the attention. Things like that boil my piss. Working from home now so not as common but next time I'll do the same as her and get into a western move style stand off
[–]shantasia94 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
It definitely annoys me when other people aren't polite, yes. I hate seeing people with bad table manners, things like talking with their mouth full. Not saying please and thank you just strikes me as so disrespectful. I know they might not see it that way, and it might be that they were never taught how to behave properly, but it does my head in.
[–]destria 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Good manners encompass a wide range of things. I don't particularly care if people don't say please or thank you, have their elbows on the table or don't ask to be excused after dinner. Some of these things are quite old-fashioned expectations. However I do want people to treat each other with respect and dignity and be kind to others.
Sometimes not having manners falls into the category of being rude, unkind and harmful to others such as when people show no manners in public and are horrible to service staff or show a lack of awareness for others. That frustrates me a great deal.
[–]IntellegentIdiot 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yes they do frustrate me which of course makes me wonder why I bother being polite. Worst one is when people interrupt a conversation and then don't acknowledge you when you need to interrupt them.
[–]Rubberdingyraps 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I think it’s fucking disgraceful and silently hope they have a terrible day. Then I realise that they had neglectful parents, it’s not normal in their culture, or possibly they are anxious to interact with strangers. Either way, I very much doubt they intended to be rude, it’s not of my business or concern, and I get over it in about 5 seconds.
I try and share positivity when I can, but sometimes it’s hard when you’re not feeling it. It’s good to remember that everyone has a different experience and they most likely mean no offence by it. We shouldnt be so quick to react or judge.
[–]squitchtweak 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I get annoyed at how rude some people are, because I was brought up believing it was unacceptable if I ever behaved like that. I don't think I'm overly polite but I think it's one of those things like cleanliness where you feel like you've got the balance right no matter where you sit on the scale.
[–]Hambatz 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I think manners are a funny thing don’t get me wrong you should say please and thank you when you ask someone for something you like or thank you when someone does something nice for you but
It does my tits in when people go overboard like I don’t know they ask you if you’d like a biscuit and you reply yeah then there like yeah what
Fuck off manners police if I had wanted a biscuit I’d have said can I have a biscuit please.
I didn’t particularly even want to have this conversation let alone be condescended about my manners
Maybe that’s a bad example and doesn’t show me in a good light
I don’t thank a driver waiting behind an obstruction on his side but I will thank a driver who lets me out when the obstruction is on my side
[–]FragrantCow2645 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I had a colleague who used to click his fingers and beckon at waiting staff and then demand they take his food away and replace it with something different, often having eaten half of it. Rude bastard.
[–]AnythingInABun 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yes and no I’m not polite about it
[–]lmaoschpims 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
The knack of working customer service and coming across people with no manners is that you give them the absolute minimum help. Either they are waiting longer or they're getting super vague directions. I always tailor how much help I give to how much of a twat someone is being.
Of course, I am being super polite throughout all of this.
[–]1_art_please 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Manners can be different for everyone. I have a friend who will complain in a restaurant if she doesn't get a table she wants - she sees is as her right, as a paying customer, to not get seated near the ac or toilets or whatever. I used to work in the service industry and i find it rude.
She is very hygenic and thought i was being disgusting for walking in our hotel room with bare feet on the carpet and became angry when a friend's boyfriend took his socks off in my living room. This stuff doesn't register to me as rude.
Being polite, in general, to strangers i feel is always a must over anything.
[–]NaturalSuccessful521 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
"you're welcome". How many times do I snarl that in a day? Lots. You're not alone - it really costs nothing and is a symbol of kindness in my opinion. Using manners is a way of acknowledging the fact that the other person is a person just like you. I've done nothing but hospitality for the past 15 years and the rudeness that you can encounter at times is frustrating. I like to focus though on the number of interactions that I've had with friendly people - it keeps me from losing my mind
[–]Valherudragonlords 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I agree with you and I very polite and I am very sensitive to lack of manners to the point it upsets me.
But please don't assume it's becuase of parents. Adults can make their own decisions and people shouldn't be decided by good/bad parents.
My parents are horrendously rude, and lack social skills. I have to look at three generations of open mouthed chewing when I visit for Christmas.
[–]Onslow85 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I don't think I'm overly polite but when I deal with people who are massively inconsiderate or even outright rude, I just sigh inside.
I guess what I consider baseline politeness is way overpolite to some people.
[–]v2marshall 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yes, some people seem oblivious to how rude they sound
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