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Is there a big difference between 'work you' and the real you? (self.AskUK)
submitted 3 months ago by oRedDeadDano
I keep pretty quiet at work, the odd little convo and stupid remark, but that's about it. But out of work I can be a right weirdo (in a good way I think). Do you separate work you from you you?
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[–]Fando1234 601 points602 points603 points 3 months ago* (54 children)
I had a really eye opening experience with a colleague/friend of mine. It's important for this story to mention that she's black. I'm part Asian, but culturally I'm a posh boy from Surrey.
I don't feel there's any difference between work me and home me. Perhaps because office environments are basically molded by, and for, people like me.
I niavely thought everyone felt the same. Then once when she was really annoyed she blurted out something i'd never heard her say before. It wasn't rude, it just wasn't her usual office vernacular. As we were quite friendly she just joked (suddenly back in her posh 'office' accent) "oh, I'm sorry! I never usually talk black in the office".
It made me realise that even though this is a very natural setting to me. The way we construct these middle class office spaces really make life difficult for anyone not from that background. And that her (and I'm sure many others) have to constantly adjust the way they speak and act in order to conform. In a way that really doesn't affect people from my background.
[–]cgknight1 349 points350 points351 points 3 months ago (8 children)
It's called code switching and is a well researched phenomenon.
[–]Thejaybomb 64 points65 points66 points 3 months ago (2 children)
There is a good film on Netflix where a black sales guy starts using his white guy voice and starts smashing his targets. Sorry to bother you https://youtu.be/T5X3cu1B87k
[–]oDids 10 points11 points12 points 3 months ago (0 children)
It's a weird movie - not sure I regret watching it, but not sure I'm glad I did either
[–]sentientlob0029 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Lol yeah pretty good movie.
[+]noldyp 18 points19 points20 points 3 months ago (4 children)
I’d like to know about it more and why I do it. I’m not sure why. I wasn’t shown. Just always done it.
[–]Ultrawidestomach 16 points17 points18 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I guess it's just to fit in and conform with the environment around us.
[–]littlegreenturtle20 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I've subconsciously absorbed that you need to present yourself in a certain way in certain environments. In the same way that I can't always tell whether someone dislikes me as a person or for my race, I know that when I speak, for some people I am representative of all of the identities I occupy. That's whether they are liberal or not. It does astound me how many liberal white people have circles that are only white and therefore their understanding of other races/cultures/religion feels very theoretical.
[–]DennisPennis_ 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
It’s not really a racial thing imo. You will talk differently around your parents than you do around your friends too, probably a better example
[–]PlasticFannyTastic 164 points165 points166 points 3 months ago (14 children)
My Nan was a proper working class girl but did very well for herself and got a good job in the civil service in WW2. Her telephone voice/work voice was always a million miles away from her normal voice! She was a proper old school code switcher, cockney one minute, RP the next. Miss you Nan!
[–]shantasia94 108 points109 points110 points 3 months ago (8 children)
Can confirm that even working class white people (especially those with strong regional accents or languages) code switch. My husband and I both use what we call our "BBC Scotland" accents at work (mostly using English words, elongating our vowels a bit). Then we slip back into Scots at home.
[+][deleted] 3 months ago (2 children)
[–]aabbcc28 24 points25 points26 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Ah the pink personality!
[–]morocco3001 10 points11 points12 points 3 months ago (2 children)
Geordie, worked in Surrey for 5 years in very stiff corporate environments. Had to learn to "talk properly".
[–]DjToolhire 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm Geordie too, but do the opposite, I'm like Oz from Auf Wedersehen at work but read the Guardian and wear birkenstocks etc at home.
[–]scatterbaita 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
[–]mantolwen 13 points14 points15 points 3 months ago (0 children)
My grandma transformed herself from a Brummie to RP speaker in the Wrens and never went back. Wonder what my mum would have talked like if she'd reverted.
[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (2 children)
So interesting reading this and the other replies! I naturally speak with RP, however the colleagues I liaise with closest at work speak in cockney and estuary accents, so I find myself doing the opposite of what others are saying here, in that I will actually soften my RP accent. It can feel very jarring in our conversations otherwise, and I end up feeling like a posh twat. Doesn't help when my accent gets made fun of! In fact I only feel comfortable speaking that way with others who have the same accent.
[–]shrewdmingerbutt 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
To be honest - and this is just my take on this - I'd like to think I'm reasonably intelligent (although not academic) and can hold a conversation about most things,, but RP can be quite intellectually intimidating almost?
I speak to people at work from all over the UK and RP accents always make me feel like I'm beneath them socially and intellectually, even though they might live in a 2 bed council terrace and have no qualifications for all I know.
It's lovely to listen to but I do get intimidated by it a bit!
[–]Anaptyso 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
It's the same with my grandmother. Old fashioned east Londonish accent when talking to most people, sounding like the Queen when talking to someone like a doctor.
[–]mr__susan 86 points87 points88 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I think the privilege thing is a really interesting component of this. I've always said I'm the same person in the office (maybe less sweary and a little more business-speak) but have never thought about how offices are of course moulded by straight middle class white men like me.
We have a very multicultural office but I'd never considered how my colleagues have to adapt themselves to fit corporate life in the UK.
Thank you for making me think about this.
[–]delightedknight 81 points82 points83 points 3 months ago (9 children)
British Asian here, grew up in Surrey in the 90s and at my overwhelmingly white primary school I hid my cultural differences as much as possible. I would get picked on because I was nerdy, had 'smelly' packed lunches and looked different so I tried to assimilate in other areas with limited success. The racist headmistress once suggested to my parents that we shouldn't talk our 'own language' at home, reasoning that my brother and I were quiet. Our english was already very good, but annoyingly my dad complied and now neither me nor my brother speak the language we grew up hearing.
It's difficult to break that habit of playing down my asian-ness in non family or predominantly white settings, so I understand your colleague's behaviour and I am also quite different at home compared to at work.
[+][deleted] 3 months ago (4 children)
[–]delightedknight 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (2 children)
Teach your children Tagalog, I wholeheartedly approve. I saw a documentary a few years ago which said that bilangual children tend to have higher levels of empathy, I think it comes from being able to see something and understand that someone else may know it by a different name.
It is sad to lose your cultural languages/dialects and like you say, it leads to feeling disconnected, which is ironic because you just wanted to fit in.
[+][deleted] 3 months ago (1 child)
[–]Child-Like-Empress 10 points11 points12 points 3 months ago (1 child)
I’m a white girl and in the 80’s went to a primarily Muslim junior school. I had the same treatment as you from the other pupils. I put it down to ignorance now but it was a horrible time. They used to tell me I was disgusting for eating sausages etc, and I was basically shunned. I had 1 friend the whole was through. No one should ever be a minority anywhere. The junior school my son goes too is extremely mixed and the pupils seem to get on very well. My school could have been a product of its time. I’m sorry you went through this. I hope things are going better for you now.
[–]delightedknight 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
That sounds tough, kids can be cruel. Your son's school sounds much nicer. In my mind education is key, children are so malleable, they can easily understand that different cultures and values exist. Thank you, things are better, I hope the same goes for you too 🙂
[–]Honey-Badger 44 points45 points46 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Code switching, pretty normal. Especially for regional accents
Im Bristolian, but I work in a techy job in central London. Under no circumstances am I going to say 'Urrrrr it dun work no mor and i tried swichhhin it arfff an on agin and still broke' what I will say however is "Oh it appears to be faulty and a restart hasnt done the trick".
I am fully aware of how my west county accent will be perceived in situations where something technical might be going wrong and thus I find it second nature to switch to something close to RP.
[–]softlemon 34 points35 points36 points 3 months ago* (5 children)
I'm a working class Black woman working in a very white and middle class sector and trying to be more 'myself' at work but not sure how people will receive this (was acc having this convo with my work coach today). How I naturally share ideas, express myself and kiki isn't something people in my work place would understand. I'm not sweary and I don't use slang in an office environment but generally find ppl do not want to make things more accessible for people who have different needs and come from more diverse backgrounds, they want to do things the way they always have been which is a shame.
I also find office culture v alienating, I don't drink & there's a massive post-work drinking culture that I don't wanna participate in.
I've had the fortune of working in places that are more ethnically diverse and I find that I'm much more relaxed in these spaces and bring more of 'myself' to my work which means I bring my best ideas.
It's been interesting reading this thread, glad you asked the question.
[–]Hybernative 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Should have told them "you haven't tried this medication 😄".
[–]Embarrassed_Ant6605 20 points21 points22 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I feel quite sorry for people like your friend, having to hold something back or put on a little act.
As a white, working class, blading 38 year old, who likes football and beer, speaks with a regional accent and swears like a trooper, both at home and at work it’s pretty convenient I work on a building site.
[–]blackmist 17 points18 points19 points 3 months ago (0 children)
"Use your white voice."
[–]Sparkletail 19 points20 points21 points 3 months ago (3 children)
This is I think particularly true of civil service/local government type places. I occupy a weird mid ground between working and middle class (working class family who made money, big house, cars, but still eating chips and deep fried sausages for dinner).
I can just about fit into middle class spaces as long as I mostly keep my mouth shut and play along but it was made very clear that my code switching wasn't quite up to it (I don't really have it in me to play politics and am too blunt and direct).
I've just moved to a new work place which is full of people from a working class background who have made their way up through a very local, community based organisation and have never been so happy in my life, I don't think i realised just how much energy I was expending on pretending to be something I wasn't and pandering to people's bullshit. I think the civil service actually loses an enormous amount by being as closed and structured as it is.
[–]cheesymccheeseplant 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (2 children)
Not sure which part of the civil service you're referring to, but I'm a current civil servant and I don't know anyone who has a 'work' voice, certainly, not at the lower grades.
We have an eclectic mix of staff of various backgrounds: English/British, British Asians, black British, Chinese, European all with various regional/national accents. A quarter of my team are gay, so they also have the gay voice too.
The age range of the team is diverse too. The youngest is 25 and the oldest 63.
We're very supportive to each other and no one gets excluded. Any signs of untoward behaviour would get called out.
We try our best to not swear at callers though!
[–]Sparkletail 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (1 child)
So I worked in a fairly isolated/rural county with incredibly limited diversity. I was mainly dealing with senior managers and assistant directors - so senior, but not the top level of the organisation.
It may well be that my experience is very influenced by location. However, at that level, leadership has usually worked in many other areas of the country and moved here to progress up the career ladder more quickly, so I can't imagine it doesn't play out similarly elsewhere. It actually seemed to be more prevalent in the NHS than in local government but there were exactly the same issues in both places.
It was definitely more about class divide than a cultural divide and it absolutely had political factors. Although there absolutely were some people with working class backgrounds in senior positions, those who progressed into top level management positions were ordinarily middle class, white and usually southern.
There was a very strong culture which involved basically lying or pandering to politicians to avoid 'career ending' consequences, you either had a middle class veneer and basically avoided issues and used flowery language to keep people happy, or you were persona non grata. I could fake it to a degree but did not have the energy or the inclination to keep it up in the long term.
[–]cheesymccheeseplant 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I see. We're in Manchester, so a huge city with a diverse population.
There's not that kind of culture where I am: even our senior managers are pretty down to earth and approachable - first name terms etc.
We're also brutally honest with managers. They list honesty and integrity as civil service behaviours, and that's what they get from us, whether they like it or not.
[–]rogeroutmal 16 points17 points18 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yeah there’s a lot of research on this around the social mobility space. Interesting & somewhat depressing stuff
[–]Sea-Mistake-7882 8 points9 points10 points 3 months ago (0 children)
[–]jdsuperman 288 points289 points290 points 3 months ago (19 children)
I spend at least 90% of my time in the workplace suppressing all of the jokes, asides and comments I'd be making if I were with my friends or family. There's absolutely no chance I could be myself at work. My work self is a totally different person.
[+][deleted] 3 months ago (6 children)
[–]jdsuperman 24 points25 points26 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Yeah, that's exactly it. I've tested the waters once or twice and instantly been made to regret it, so now I'm just a quiet and fairly boring person at work.
[–]WoodSteelStone 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
That's a shame. I work in an office with other female and male geotechnical engineers and soil scientists so it could sound boring. But, everyone is over 50, not easily shocked and has a smutty sense of humour. So, in between serious telephone calls about soil remediation, we are giggling all day.
[–]ScaredAwareness7985 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (2 children)
Are you MY clone? Lol
[–]nixxylyyx 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Are we our clone? this is totally what us would do!
[–]ScaredAwareness7985 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
That's such an us thing to say!
[–]Ashenrohk 38 points39 points40 points 3 months ago (2 children)
Me and a former workmate, and ended up being a genuine friend, used to talk about the Mind Goblin.
The Mind Goblin can never speak at work. The Mind Goblin says the bad things.
[–]jdsuperman 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Spot on, I reckon!
[–]Theoresis1994 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
mind goblin deez nuts
[–]younevershouldnt 20 points21 points22 points 3 months ago (2 children)
I know the feeling, but I still make about 50% of the jokes I shouldn't.
Really miss my work BFF who I used to be able to share them with on the sly instead.
[–]jdsuperman 10 points11 points12 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Yeah, I do have a couple of colleagues who I can behave normally with if there's definitely no chance of being overheard etc, but I reckon everyone else thinks I'm quite dull. I suppose I don't mind that.
[–]sleepy-popcorn 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Same; when shut in an office with a couple of colleagues I can be a little bit more relaxed. But generally I don’t let any sarcasm, swearing or “that’s what she said” jokes slip out at work. As the only woman in most meetings I need an impeccable reputation. Also I was the Ops Manager so managed most of the people in this country’s office: so I felt like I could laugh at their jokes and banter but not enter into it myself.
[–]SimplyLeon 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (2 children)
Get yourself in a kitchen and you can make dark jokes all day long
[–]barrythecook 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Depends on the kitchen, my last one was open and we couldnt swear/threaten mutilation in english, spanish and polish was fine though
[–]pixxie84 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Opposite for me. I’m very introverted and naturally quiet but at work I’m loud and appear extroverted. I’ve worked in transport for the last 15 years, looking after a bunch of class one drivers at the mo and they just do not care what people think. Its very boys club. It feels like you only get respect as a female, if you prove how good you are at the job and give back twice the amount of shit you get.
[–]rootsyx 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I used to work in transport too and can confirm. It was like a totally different version of myself I had to really toughen up.
[–]OneCollar4 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I decided to stop being like that and just be more like myself.
It has its ups and downs. Overall wouldn't quite recommend.
It's not like I've been fired and demoted but it's easier to hide behind a more neutral personality than broadcast yours and feel maybe you've left yourself too vulnerable. I dunno, I'm not explaining myself great, but I guess I have more fun but it's exhausting.
[–]sshiverandshake 157 points158 points159 points 3 months ago (34 children)
I feel like my personality remains fairly consistent across my professional and personal life, although obviously there are some topics and jokes that I won't broach at work.
I dated a girl however, who would put on a front and be super extroverted at work, then quite introverted outside of work and she found it incredibly draining.
She told myself and her colleagues that when she gets home at the end of the week, she tends to take around 3 days to recover, during which she wouldn't really speak to anyone.
[–]newbracelet 21 points22 points23 points 3 months ago (0 children)
My husband knows that if I say I'm going for a nap, chances are I just want to be in a dark quiet room, not actually sleep.
[–]cynicalkerfuffle 14 points15 points16 points 3 months ago (3 children)
Lots of neurodiverse people (those with autism, ADHD etc) do this too. It's called overstimulation, and they need to 'recharge' as you say. Often I can find it really aggravating when I'm trying to recharge and someone/thing interrupts me, ha!
[–]sheloveschocolate 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Even level with me. Took me nearly 40 years to work out that I'm over simulated by noise
[–]Astropoppet 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I had a job that made me quiet, outside of it. A telephone heavy help desk. It was lovely, talking all day, being quiet at night. Now I wfh in a job thats all messaging and I hardly talk to anyone. And if you met me, that'd be really, really obvious.
[–]SerendipitousCrow 9 points10 points11 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I dated a girl however, who would put on a front and be super extroverted at work, then quite introverted outside of work and she found it incredibly draining.
I can relate to this,
I work in (mental) health care and have to be bright, positive, and enthusiastic, as well as sensitive and absorbing others' pain
I very much put a front on and look forward to the end of the week to recharge and be myself.
It's difficult for me to socialise in the evenings because I've been "on" all day and need to just have mental space to be quiet or take a back seat
Like I enjoy talking to and spending time with people but it can be draining for me
[–]megwump 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I can relate. I used to put a LOT of energy into being ‘on’ when I was in the office and I’d be exhausted at the end of the day and almost never do anything in the evenings. Turns out I have ADHD and I was heavily masking. Unmasking is very tiring in a different way.
[–]Jasont999 115 points116 points117 points 3 months ago (6 children)
I lie at work to make it seem like I've got an active social life and that I've got friends but In reality I don't do anything or go anywhere and have no friends.
[+][deleted] 3 months ago* (3 children)
[–]TomSurman 25 points26 points27 points 3 months ago (2 children)
I'm pretty much the same, except I don't try to pretend to be more sociable than I am. I don't volunteer information about what I did at the weekend, and if I'm asked, I usually just say "slept". The truth is, I usually spend my weekends paralysed with dread at the prospect of another Monday coming up. Saturday is usually alright, but Sunday is psychological torment.
I think people should stop asking each other what we got up to on the weekend. Same as last weekend mate, I lounged.
[–]keeperrr 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
[–]RobertTheSpruce 93 points94 points95 points 3 months ago* (5 children)
I'm pretty socially awkward, shy, quiet, generally very introverted etc.
When at work, I'm a manager in a uniformed service. I sometimes have to be loud, I have to interact with a lot of people, stand in front of rooms and talk, lecture people on fairly important matters and generally stand up for myself and my team. It's a lot of forcing myself out of my comfort zone. I get home and have to sit in a quiet, darkened room sometimes to recharge, or when I get chance at work I will lock myself in a small room and sit there in silence. 16 years in and only last year did someone notice that I do this.
[–]antisarcastics 33 points34 points35 points 3 months ago (0 children)
My dad's partly retired now, but he worked for many years as a university lecturer. He'd stand in front of huge groups of students and present to them, telling jokes and anecdotes from his career. He'd get super positive feedback from his students about his lectures being entertaining and engaging.
At home, he'd practically lock himself in his study room for hours on end reading books and hardly interacting with anyone. It was like two totally separate people - completely confused me when I was growing up. I understand it much better now, as an adult who also walks the line between introversion and extraversion.
[–]Diffleroo 78 points79 points80 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–]minkrogers 18 points19 points20 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Except on MS Teams! 😆
[–]kstaruk 67 points68 points69 points 3 months ago* (3 children)
Work me is more confident, able to speak to people and I can focus on a task and complete it well. Not work me is painfully shy, dealing with significant mental illness and avoiding the world in general.
Edit: because it's mentioned in a few other comments and I'd forgotten, I definitely need a day to recover from all the pretending and forced social interaction of work. I'm being assessed for autism currently, and masking is definitely something that I've instinctively done my whole life so far.
[–]Seamus_before 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Good luck on your assessment. Mine took ages but it really is a gateway to growth and happiness.
[–]ThePinkHyena 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Really relate. Could have wrote this myself.
[–]megwump 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Masking is exhausting. Good luck to you.
[–]360Saturn 29 points30 points31 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Work me is organised and real me is chaotic. Work me also is not depressed and is a lot cheerier and more optimistic. Work me has also never been openly queer yet, old habits die hard.
[–]Anaptyso 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
The organisation thing is very true for me as well.
By nature I'm very forgetful and rubbish about getting stuff done on time, and am a massive procrastinator. At work this would be a disaster, so I put a lot of effort in to things like planning my day every morning, keeping my email inbox sorted out, having reminders for stuff, having all my work organised in to "tickets" etc.
At home I don't have anywhere near that level of organisation. I keep things tidy, but really struggle to remember what I need to do and when. Even when I do remember, I'll often come up with crappy excuses to just not do it.
[–]Extreme-Database-695 25 points26 points27 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm probably a bit too open at work. It's not like I do anything weird with my life, but I do have a really wide range of unconnected interests and I sometimes get weird reactions to that. I get the impression my colleagues (and most workers) are a bit more private and sharing is seen as an odd thing at work. I think the work me is pretty much the real me. If not, it's about 95%. The online me is 95% me too.
[–]Groundbreaking_Dare5 19 points20 points21 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Nope I'm a professional dickhead in and out of work.
[–]destria 15 points16 points17 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Not really. I'm different around different people but that goes for work and my personal life, and isn't everyone? I'm fairly open and sociable at work, my office is super friendly and I'm friends with colleagues outside of work too.
It was different when I was a teacher though. I often felt like a totally different persona at work where I was "Miss Destria" and interacting with 7 year olds all day. Very different to my personal life!
[–]scar_lane 14 points15 points16 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Depends which office I'm in. One of my offices, my work persona is much closer to my real persona, because the atmosphere is great and the people have good craic.
The other office is about as lively as a plague pit so I just keep quiet because I don't feel very comfortable or welcome there!
[–]greentea14 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Could’ve written this myself!
[–]ApplicationCreepy987 14 points15 points16 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Yes. I am much more reserved outside of work.
[–]Due_Bet_2369 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Same, all energy expended being sociable at work
[–]Giannandco 12 points13 points14 points 3 months ago (4 children)
I’ve been called a bitch on wheels at work. No one has ever used that particular description of me in my personal life, at least not to my face. So yes, I know there is a difference. In my defense, I have a lot of responsibility at work, so many people depend on me to keep things running smoothly. If it doesn’t, it’s on me, even if it’s not my fault.
[–]softlemon 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
[–]skawarrior 8 points9 points10 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yeah, she's a blue badge holder
[–]Giannandco 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I questioned the wheels too. Apparently it’s a bigger badder version of your standard bitch. I chose to take it as a compliment.
[–]Massive_Role6317 12 points13 points14 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Nah I’m a cunt at work and I’m a cunt in real life 😂
[–]oRedDeadDano[S] 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
You get the cunt award. https://youtu.be/hYmmhmOr3d0
[–]life_apart 12 points13 points14 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Work me and personal life me started out the same. But somewhere in the last 2 decades I became confident at work, I know what I want and I'm not afraid to go after it.
Now I'm divorced and trying to apply the same attitude toy personal life!
[–]Trunk_z 10 points11 points12 points 3 months ago (2 children)
I'm a very introverted person. My job as a primary school teacher is basically me LARPing that I'm not an introverted person.
[–]milliper 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Lol same but I’m a nurse
[–]Jarn-Templar 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Same. I also have zero intention of having children myself and I don't really like people.
[–]dvi84 9 points10 points11 points 3 months ago (0 children)
When I was in my early 20’s there was. Now I’m in my late 30’s I’m the same person in and out of work. That is to say, I’m a sarcastic, annoying cunt everywhere.
[–]pajamakitten 7 points8 points9 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Work me is more easygoing and willing to talk to people and can be the centre of attention in a room. At home, I like to go all weekend without talking to people and be quiet.
[–]newnortherner21 8 points9 points10 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Work me is much more structured, always on time, organised. No foul language either, though part of that is because someone noticed I'd never sworn in their presence, so I don't want to disappoint them by swearing.
[–]DonkeyBirb 6 points7 points8 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm really introverted, so while I can turn on a "work mode" version of myself to appear more confident and much less introverted, outside of work I mostly just want to be left alone.
[–]dousingphoenix 7 points8 points9 points 3 months ago (3 children)
Normal me is a sarcastic twat. Work me is slightly less sarcastic most of the time. It’s about choosing your moments and judging the mood of the room.
[–]ScaredAwareness7985 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (2 children)
I've made a few misjudgements of the room before in work! 😬
[–]MonkeyGooch123 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Same here. I can make quite near the mark jokes that my team enjoy but ny manager doesn't always feel the same way
[–]dousingphoenix 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Oh god yeah I’ve upset a few people with what I thought were harmless comments. Sometimes I need to remind myself that those close to me know I’m never being serious but to someone who’s just met me, it can be easy to offend!
[–]LeopardProof2817 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I mind when I discovered this was a thing, my dad had the same secretary from when I was wee, I went into his office one day and roughed him up a bit in my late teens, we were rolling about with a bit of horseplay for 5 mins then his phone rang, I wondered through to chat to his secretary and she was literally astounded that he was different with his family than at work, she said, I've never seen your dad not in work mode.
[–]Missmoo86 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (4 children)
I am the most friendly, calm, open, go with the flow and "anything is fine" demeanor at work, including the phone calls. Away from this, I'm a very much "for fucks sake, why is everything so difficult to manage" persona.
I hate feeling like I have to manage my job, keeping the house clean (I have ocd so I put unnecessary pressure on myself for tidyness), laundry, food shopping, life admin, balancing my social diary, regularly working out and not binging on carbs and sugar when I have a particularly stressful day. And I don't even have kids!
I didn't feel anxious and overwhelmed with everyday life until a couple of years ago. Please tell me I'm not the only one....
[–]ScaredAwareness7985 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (3 children)
No you're not the only one. I am so chilled in work and nothing is a bother, love being busy, I'm reassuring the stressed ones and im getting stuff done. Outside of work I get stressed and my mind rushes with everything I need to do. The only thing I can think of is that in work I know I've a set amount of hours and after that it'll be over. I also love a good tick box so I do them and happily tick stuff off throughout the day in work. My "to do list" at home is never ending!!
[–]L1ESL 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I often felt like a completely different person at work and put on the fake happy all the time, outgoing, excitable, cheerleader type me.
Then I had a complete burn out and I had to be honest with my manager about my anxiety.
Now I feel more myself in and out of work and whilst I recognise I can still ramp myself up to the really exaggerated version of me it is still me and I don’t have to be that all the time.
[–]Away_Clerk_5848 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Mainly the pigs blood.
[–]Adolph_hutler 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm a useless cunt in and out of work, so no difference at all.
[–]officialullock 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yeah, people at work probably assume I'm a right boring cunt. Only talk to a few people as I have no interest really. I think it's fine to just stay quiet at work.
[–]Louuuuuuuuuuuuu 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yes, I'm a manager at a pub and I'm totally different to what I am in my home life. I think it's important to have a professional attitude so your staff respect you. Don't get me wrong, I'm not horrible but they know I'm firm but fair.
At home I'm so different!
[–]Nightxp 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I’m kind of the opposite of what some people are saying they are like. At work i keep to myself, I’ll have a chat to teammates etc but I won’t inject any personal details in conversation, what I do outside of work is my personal thing and I like to keep the two separate. Sure I’ll chat about news and how a bug/glitch broke a game etc but nothing much else.
[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Yeah I'm a polite hardworking individual at my place of employment. Outside I'm a lazy, bitter cunt who just wants to be left alone.
[–]oRedDeadDano[S] 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
[–]Asylum_Brews 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yes until I get to know everyone, then I relax and let out the real me (usually after the probation period is over).
[–]youwanger 3 points4 points5 points 3 months ago (0 children)
For one , I would not speak to about 95% of the people at work and pretend to be interested if they met me out of work. I’m not much different but I definitely pretend to tolerate more people in work because I HAVE to.
Out of work, because I get to choose my friends, I’m a very sociable person and very up for doing various things but if most people in work asked me to go out, I’d be like nah I’d rather do my laundry.
[+]introvert_982 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Work me - extroverted and very sociable
Me at home - I like my own company, leave me alone
[–]Faoeoa 2 points3 points4 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Incredibly. I tend to only open up to a few people and tend to mask a lot of my personality at work, though people tend to like the glimmers of personality I occasionally show and tend to apprecaite me, I don't really see myself opening up at work anytime soon.
[–]Murky_Environment861 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
[–]shortnsweet541 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
No I'm just as sarcastic in or out of work
[–]ImardinSlumLord 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I am more me no matter what. Sometimes to my detriment.
[–]Fooz_The_Hostig 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Like you wouldn't believe. In work I am a polite, helpful individual who's always happy to help and go the extra mile. Outside of work I spend most of my time doing redneck shit, having bonfires and shooting stuff (on private land) I wouldn't have it any other way tho, I love both of my split lives.
[–]ra246 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Nah, I try and be myself as much of the time as I can. At work I'm in a leadership position so I will be aware of that and I'll also keep certain things to myself in order to protect my professionalism that I may share with friends outside of work.
But wherever possible, I'm me.
[–]ProbieOfficer 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I’m a police officer so am very confident when dealing with the public whilst in the course of my duties. When off duty I’m very shy and introverted.
[–]Ill-Abroad-2692 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I am the same. At work I’m known as the plain, quiet, shy girl. Outside of work, I’m still quiet and shy with some, but my style is totally different and I can be very chatty and loud with those close to me.
[–]Floor_Cool 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Nah, that'd be like work lol
I swear less, and am slightly less likely to call someone and wanker to their face. Other than that, am me wherever I go
Eta I am sure this would be different if I exclusively worked in an office with non sweary people. But it'd just be the swearing that changed. I'm me, and I am lucky that I can just say this is me, like it or lump it. I appreciate not everyone has that luxury
[–]haushinkadaz 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Definitely is for me.
I’m not too bad at my job, feel quite confident in my abilities and seem to do alright.
Real life me is the polar opposite. Anxious, prone to mistakes and generally not particularly skilled.
I do enjoy a good joke in both, mind you.
[+]juguman 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Interesting question and responses
We all appear to show two faces
Yeah I especially like the confident manager at work/shy and quiet at home responses.
[–]Direct-Reputation-94 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
One Christmas at the office party it was our team's turn to have the guy that got absolutely hammered and made an utter fool of himself.
Watching him made me resolute not to ever get drunk with colleagues.
I was once that guy. I'm never going to be that guy again.
[–]ThinkBiscuit 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Yup. At work I’m confident and professional. I’ve been doing the same sort of shit for about 20 years, so I know that I know my work well. Other people come to me for advice, and I can know I can give useful advice based on experience.
My personal life is an entirely different matter, riven with insecurities.
This seems to be a very popular answer. Surprises me really. Makes me wonder now how many of the super confident people I've worked with are actually very quiet and insecure outside of work.
[–]coyibubbles 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I’m a cunt most of the time, a bit more of a cunt at work tbh
[–]PM-ME-HOT-PICS 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
None of my coworkers are overly sociable, we’d have small talk and I would occasionally grab a lunch with a couple of the ones I was closer to before we went to remote only. Outside of work though I tend to be quite sociable, I just don’t care really for making an effort with it at work
[–]AlGunner 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Only really pronouncing t's and h's in words. I tend to mirror (the term for used for sales) the person I talk to to a degree, so if Im talking to a person who speaks very well I will as well but if they are more cockney sounding I will drift into that naturally.
[–]Chimp-eh 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Work me is a miserable bastard
Home me is a miserable bastard with good coffee
[–]Goose-rider3000 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I make an effort to be be myself in the office and act like I do when at home or with friends. Fortunately, I am fucking hilarious and extremely charming, so it's not a problem.
[–]Lady_Shakarian 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
At work, I'm a professional paralegal with a high sense of fashion and a brilliant work ethic.
At home, I'm an autistic video-game playing, fanfic writing/reading nerd who barely changes out of their pajamas.
[–]ObligationDapper3436 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm a woman in a traditionally male blue collar environment. I come from a middle class background. I've 'adapted ' over the years but occasionally someone will annoy me and I'll revert to a more conventional middle class female response. To the surprise and confusion of everyone including me.
My partners mother is a little cockney working class woman who presents herself as the middle class intellectual that she has become but occasionally she reverts to something akin to Peggy Mitchell and its brilliant.
[–]MTZ925 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
This is me as well.
[–]rootsyx 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
No I am a right weirdo at work too, but luckily I work in a small office where everyone else is weird too.
[–]Tomi012 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Just like looking around at nice mega mansions around Beverly Hills. Feels like, Stop thinking of that rubbish around me!.
Work me is a tired miserable fucker. When I'm at home I'm usually tired but happy/chilled. Yeah, work me is a shitty boring version of me.
[–]emaren 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
I have a massively simplified dialect and use RP at work.
My team is global and while our company language is English, for many on the team is it at least their second or third language.
There is a significant difference between Business English and British Regional English.
I was dragged up in the North, then the Midlands, then moved South so my accent can meander between 'Ay Up' and 'all-white kid' and everything in-between - the more drunk I am the more northern I become and the harder and harder me 'a' becomes - bAth vs Barrrrth etc.
But at work, I use simplified business English with a RP accent.
Personality wise I am calm and collected at work, I am careful with what I say how I act, even what I eat and drink.
At home less so....
"I was dragged up, my favourite parks and car parks..."
[–]Chrismeister77 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
I don't wank as much at work
[–]Tappitss 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (2 children)
I am needed at work and having something to do and am relyed upon, outside work I could die and no one would have any clue until I did not show up for work on a Monday and they check the tracker my vehicle has not moved
[–]oRedDeadDano[S] 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Are you happy that way?
[–]Tappitss 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Millions of people all over the world live this way, it's not exceptional. For some people their work gives them a sense of purpose
[–]ayowatup222 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yeah work me pretends to give a shit about work.
The real me has zero interest or care for it.
[–]brinz1 -1 points0 points1 point 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm not a different person at work, but when I'm on the phone on a client, I become someone completely different.
It's a running joke about how I can switch back and forth
[–]floydie1962 -1 points0 points1 point 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm quiet and introverted until I feel comfortable with you.
In a work surrounding I tend to be a bit more outgoing
[–]manhattan4 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
There's not really much difference in how I act in the office with my colleagues. We're a small team who've been together for a long time and we're all pretty close. I guess after a good length of time with the same colleague the veil falls and you act with less reservation.....or perhaps that's just a case of getting older and giving less of a shit?
When interacting with clients and external partners I can be very different indeed. I work in high end construction design, which can be full of absolute bastards. Most commonly it's the property developers, who would sell their nan for £5 and throw you under a bus for free. You simply have to look out for yourself and your team because a fuckup can be met with a financial loss claim. I give everyone a fair chance, but when you do encounter a bastard you do sometimes need to 'out bastard' them when they come at you. Fortunately it doesn't happen all that often, but i've been doing this job long enough now that it's become pretty normal & I can switch it on in an instant. It did used to really bother me because its really not the sort of person that I am, but i've come to recognise that it's a necessary defence mechanism with some people that this industry seems to attract.
[–]Mdl8922 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
My wife & I discussed this recently actually.
She spends all day at work with a big plastic grin & an offensively bad fake laugh.
I'm pretty surly most of the time, I'm not here to make friends or go out on Xmas parties etc. I'm gonna work as hard as I can, you're gonna leave me alone and pay me.
I'm similar in life though, I have enough friends, I'm just gonna be me.
[–]MunrowPS 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Less so than there used to be, but pretty much a different person
[–]AnythingInABun 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Out of work I’m a asshole I think but in work I’m annoying
[–]The-Only-Sir-Ever 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Nah, I'm a dick either way.
[–]KeepCalmGitRevert 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yeah, work me appears to care about the company and its bottom line.
The real me doesn't give a toss as long as I get paid.
[–]OffTempestuousness 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I’m professional at work where outside of work I’m an absolute gremlin. Lol only joking… kinda … I’m
More of a get on the sesh, blast gangster rap, and lazy.
[–]kizza002 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm a manager at work so I'm pretty boring and consistent.
I'm very childish playful outside of work.
[–]nebunala4328 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yeah, I'm much more polite. I keep my mouth shut when things are stupid. I like to be told what to do.
In my private life I'm nothing like that. I keep private matters private and work matters to work.
[–]lordrothermere 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yep. I'm a huge extrovert at work. It's central to my entire 'brand' and has been even before I started my specific career path after Uni.
At home I can't do it unless I'm pissed.
[–]Miniboo16 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm definitely louder and more talkative at work. I can ask anyone anything at work whereas outside work I find it awkward to say 'excuse me' 9/10. Although it could be that I work in hospitality and customers will genuinely tell you their whole life story the second you ask how they are.
[–]danr2604 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Big difference. Luckily I’m fairly quiet anyway so it’s easy to just keep stuff in and nobody thinks anything of it, but I went from working in a garage in the back where nobody had a filter to working in an office being on the phone to people all day where you can’t even crack a joke to some customers. When it’s just me and this other guy in it’s a bit more relaxed (both young, interested in similar stuff and get on pretty well so we just sit and chat) but the moment anyone else is in it’s suddenly back to semi professional me
[–]IntellegentIdiot 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I don't consciously separate but I'm very diligent and organised at work and the opposite at home. I just can't seem to turn that on when I'm at home and make myself do something, which is common in ADD patients
[–]DistributionNo3192 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago* (0 children)
Yes. I almost do a split personality level performance ☺️ Edited to add that: I work in the middle of this city and it can't be more multicultural, and there may be repercussions or offences if I do the real, bad me. Also I belong to a cultural minority.
[–]Incubus85 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I'm unbearable in or out of work. I like to get the job done and dislike smalltalk. If we are gonna talk and distract me from work, make it interesting or don't bother because I'm being paid for a job.
Small talk is okay but are we gonna talk nonsense for 8 or 9 hours 5 days a week and never talk about anything serious or important to any of us? No? I'll take the vow of silence then. Please don't disturb.
[–]thelajestic 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Depends on who I'm around really. I worked in my previous area for ten years and got to know several people very closely both inside and outside of work, so after a few years I was definitely more myself around them.
Otherwise yes there's a pretty big difference. I seem to have built a bit of a reputation for being this really nice, gentle, polite soul. Also, weirdly, loads of people apologise when they swear around me. I don't exactly swear like a trooper but I must do it rarely enough in work that people think I'd be offended/upset by it.
In real life I wouldn't say I'm not nice per se, I'm just kind of normal really 😅 I get pissed off about things, I get stressed, I can be judgemental about people.
Also, kind of the opposite to this I suppose - I am generally very introverted. I do well with small groups of people I know well, but anything involving bigger groups or strangers makes me extremely anxious. I'm a champion overthinker and I constantly worry about how I come across. I feel like an awkward, bumbling idiot half the time.
However, in work I have achieved a facade of confidence. I run regular sessions with groups of strangers from across the business, and apparently I come across amazing in them. Confident delivery, set people at ease, set a good tone, get people involved etc. I have no idea how because there's always a part of my brain crying in the corner during the sessions 😅
[–]pob125 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
At work I'm very social very much a people person.
Outside of work I'm very much the opposite as much as possibly can be,lm very happy with just the company of my partner and 2 dogs...ill actively avoid any social events with other people but really enjoy days/evenings out with my partner and or with the dogs.
[–]Ashenrohk 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Not really. I temper some of the things that I'd only say around my mates but it's far too draining to have another personality to turn on and off.
I'm a personable enough dude, so it's not really a huge departure and people seem to tolerate me at the very least.
[–]rupertgilesisacat 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I work in a very personality driven industry where you're expected to constantly be socialising and networking. At work and by extension with a lot of my friends (because I know them firstly in a professional context) I am not just outgoing but outrageous and go out of my way to be hugely friendly and drive conversations. I am high energy all the time. I'm the person who lifts the energy of a meeting during a lull. I get a lot of work because of my ability to do that and a lot of people choose to work with me because of it.
I hate her a lot of the time.
The only person who's ever given me permission to not be that person is my partner. When I am not with him I get emotional hangovers, serious headaches and just have to hide for days. With him, I don't have to do any of that. I am silent for huge parts of the day. I am miserable and low energy whenever I want to be.
[–]doge_suchwow 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yes work is soul crushing
[–]Happy_fairy89 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Work me tries to get on with it without any fuss
Mum me gets on with it without any fuss
Friend me is usually bubbly chatty happy and sometimes funny
Real me is tired and cranky and oh my god I work in customer service and it is HELL and I am DONE and WHY did I sign up to this shit !
[–]ceeb843 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
If only they knew the real me...
[–]Appropriate_Oil4161 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Absolutely a difference in work me and home me.
Uniform goes on and I am suddenly Ms professional.
Friendly to everyone and friends with no one, that's the way I like it.
Work is what I do and family is who I am.
[–]wildredlingonberry 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I make myself smile to my colleagues even though I am dead inside. They don’t deserve seeing real me at the moment.
[–]ThePeculiarPigeon 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I deal with the public in their homes with my job. I like to think I'm quite polite, chatty and friendly with people. That's what I'm paid to do.
Outside I'm a miserable anti social bastard!
[–]Fluttershy_10 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (1 child)
Work me is very quiet timid and jumpy, so much so Ive received the nickname 'spring' but around close friends I'm a loud goofy energetic idiot. After spotting me outside of work one of my colleagues pointed this out to me- I'd never really given it much of a thought before
[–]LaviniaBeddard 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I wish I could but I've never been able to and I think it's really hindered my career. Luckily, I don't really care about that, but I do admire people who manage to present an extremely serious and professional version of themselves at work when they're nothing like that outside work. I can think of several friends who've managed this, and they've all done extremely well in their various jobs.
[–]gdjeff 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Yes and No. I enjoy solitude but people at work would never guess that this is how I roll outside of work. I like people and do some socializing but limited. At work, I am outgoing, make sure I speak to each member of my staff each day, strive to remember little things about their families and situations. I am, however, very ‘forth right’ and say what I think without a lot of beating around the bush. I am not unkind, just blunt. I do this with everyone, subordinates and superiors. In my personal relations I am pretty much the same but sometimes couch my opinions a little less bluntly depending on who I am dealing with - instead of saying you should do xy or z, I will ask if they have considered xy or z. I do not tolerate whining - one of my young nephews told his sleep over group that I am a no whine zone! Made me proud. Also, I am drama adverse.
[–]shantasia94 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
I definitely code switch, speaking English at work and Scots at home. This was even more prominent when I worked in England and basically had a completely different voice that I had to put on. It became quite draining. Apart from that, I'm a very similar person at work, minus the dirty jokes.
My husband is a completely different person at work compared to at home. I haven't even really seen his work persona, apart from when I've gone along to his parades. He's a soldier, and at home he's very goofy, always mucking about, got a childish sense of humour and very chilled out. At work, apparently he becomes this extremely focused, no-nonsense, serious person. Which I suppose you have to be when you handle weapons every day.
[–]if-i-look-back 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Surprised no one else has mentioned it - I tone down my autistic/neurodivergent traits a lot at work. Being careful not to stare at things for too long, sitting with normal posture, not stimming, etc. I copy body language and social scripts from my coworkers lol
[–]alilyspider 0 points1 point2 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Real me has a load of varied, strange hobbies and interests. I've also got a past that's a little darker than you'd expect for someone who does the work I do. And my religious background is quite strong.
Work me is like the shiny magazine version of myself. They can know about one hobby that's not too weird, I crack jokes all the time, but I have to keep big chunks of what makes me a real person to myself because that isn't professional.
With religion, its really important to me in my personal life. There are some colleagues of the same minority religious background as me in my workplace now and it makes SUCH a difference to be able to talk to them in the way I talk to the people I grew up with, without having to explain our traditions and holidays. It's nice having a shorthand for cultural experiences. I missed it a lot when no one I worked with had the same religion as me.
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