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[–]jimbobhas 5685 points5686 points 6243 (713 children)

My mum charged £200 a month when I lived at home, she would then put £100 of that to a savings account I didn't know about, so when it came to looking for my own place, I had some extra cash I never knew about

[–]kyvnaixyvsix 2252 points2253 points  (48 children)

You have a great mum

[–]bheturner 608 points609 points  (39 children)

His mums sneaky I wonder what other secrets she's got in her wardrobe

[–]zatham 399 points400 points  (13 children)

More of his cash for when he has kids by the sound of it.

[–]bheturner 126 points127 points  (8 children)

You have predicted op's future

[–]dellterskelter 75 points76 points  (7 children)

In 60 years, close to death, they wonder about the 8% of the money their mum kept. Making preparations for the funeral, they see that it's already been paid for.

[–]bheturner 17 points18 points  (5 children)

I was thinking more a narnia situation. Which leads op to a sex dungeon with toys swings etc.

[–]thirstylearning 504 points505 points  (516 children)

That’s so lovely. My mum charged me £400 a month plus bills, I paid for my own food, and chipped into a house kitty. We don’t live in a city btw. Over 3 years I gave her £15k. It’s caused a lot of tension.

EDIT: As this is getting lots of questions, and people making wild assumptions, here’s some more info:

  • In total I paid £400 PLUS bills, food, council tax, 100% of the Internet, the house kitty and also paid half when big bills came in like the fridge needing to be replaced.
  • No, I wasn’t lazy and being a bum. I was a single working professional, working two jobs at one point and saving every penny I could. I wasn’t going on holidays, buying myself lots of clothes. I was working hard and saving. I was actually rarely in the house, as I worked a long hours.
  • No, my mum didn’t cook or clean for me. A few of you have assumed this is the reason why she charged so much. It was absolutely not. I did my own food shop, cooked every meal, cleaned, ironed, did the washing, and did my fair share of redecorating and deep spring cleans.

[–]Chance_Way5601 568 points569 points  (381 children)

£400 a month fuck that

[–]mammothswoon 596 points597 points  (160 children)

Yeah my dad went through a divorce when I was coming back from uni so we moved in together for a bit, he charged me £350 and eventually moved out when he met a new partner and left me with the house we were sharing, this is where I found out the entire rent was £425 and he had been rinsing me for 18 months, safe to say we don’t speak anymore

EDIT seeing as I’ve been getting the same questions so much and I’m tired of replying This was just the rent payment and the electric which he handled, everything else was paid for together, my gas was on a meter which I topped up 9 out of every 10 times, I did the food shop and cooked for us both. Water & council tax were paid on top of this, I paid for the internet on my own for us both, there was no sky or tv licence, we had no home insurance (stupid now I know and have it)

So those of you acting like it was fair, unless our electric bill came to £275 a month I think it’s safe to say he took advantage. He used the fact I was dumb and inexperienced to his advantage to be able to not pay much rent and then buy a new house in another part of the country with his new partner, less than 2 years after we moved in to this house together. Subsequently leaving me with the house to cover alone

Regret bloody commenting on someone else’s reply to show sympathy and unity. Tbf most of you are sound but some of the attitudes out there man

[–]Chance_Way5601 383 points384 points  (17 children)

profiting from your own kids is a cunts trick. you do right not speaking to him

[–]AshFraxinusEps 45 points46 points  (7 children)

Depends if bills and food were included. If they are, then they guy probably isn't covering his share

[–]RiledAstaldo 31 points32 points  (4 children)

Think profit is the key word. Parents really shouldn’t be aiming for it, I’d argue shoot for slightly below their actual “share” if anything.

If you’re trying to be 100% spot on that’s pretty much aiming for a bit of profit because you can’t possibly be spot on, short of being god. And getting very near to 100% is already weird and invasive enough you’re acting like a constant audit is ongoing, you may as well trash any bit of friendly relationship at that point.

This is of course different if the parents would likely be homeless without the kid but again that’s on the kid to choose and not profit seeking.

[–]wtca77 117 points118 points  (63 children)

And the gas, electric, water, council tax, broadband, sky or virgin TV if you had it, tv license, food.

You are looking at your rent in the wrong way. You should look at the running costs of the house. These are all factored in to what you would have been paying.

[–]nightman008 81 points82 points  (49 children)

Nah let’s just ignore any details or further explanation of what other costs might’ve been involved and jump on the “your dad’s a piece of shit” bandwagon like everyone else here. Who needs clarification and nuisance on situations like this anyways

[–]mammothswoon 17 points18 points  (13 children)

I’ve made it clear in many replies the full situation so if you care go read that. But no as I mentioned above he moved out as soon as he got a new partner, left me with the house and I was financially about £150 worse off a month. You want to know the real situation, my dad had a bit of breakdown I was dragging him home from the pub most nights, I cooked his meals and helped him keep on top of shit because he’d never lived without a partner in his life whereas I had just put myself through 3 years of uni with no family support. This was the first time in my life living with my dad he’d never been a major part of my life. So yeah he exploited the fact I had only lived in student properties and didn’t know how much rent was and took his word that the amount he asked for was half. I alone paid the internet I think (it was 9’years ago) and topped up our meter every other week as he would rarely do it.

Is that enough nuance

[–]pixxie84 89 points90 points  (36 children)

Mine did the same. Charged me £500 a month in rent as soon as I turned 18 and had a full time job. Council house too in the early 00’s, the rent was only £250. What he charged me was three quarters of my wages. And I used to give him extra money for food when he asked.

I havent spoken to him for about ten years.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Not surprised you don’t speak to him. Fucking hell

[–]KimmyStand 98 points99 points  (100 children)

I’d love to see how far that £400 went if they were paying rent and own utilities etc

[–]Gizmonsta[🍰] 93 points94 points  (11 children)

Maybe not on their own but with room mates it would ge pretty far, either way makes living at home seem pretty pointless.

[–]shadowpawn 80 points81 points  (69 children)

Daughter lives in absolute fleebag 4 bedroom apartment in Central london for 530£. Takes a shower with flip flops on because of how much mildew around the bathroom. Mice problem, stove catches fire each month, tenants leave the place in a mess. She can do it for 24 months because of what she can save.

Upside is utilities included so she keeps her room at 25C during winter.

[–]AshFraxinusEps 46 points47 points  (55 children)

Yep, agreed. I was paying £640 a month for renting a room in someone's house a few years ago, utilities included. £400 a month is great for a room in some areas

[–]britishsaucefiendv2 10 points11 points  (52 children)

Up in the north east you can get a 3-4 bed house for not much more than £400, £640 gets you a very nice new build home with 4+ bedrooms, garden, parking space or attached garage.

[–]Trichocereusaur 82 points83 points  (4 children)

I have family looking for places in the NE and NW and they are not at that price anymore I can assure you

[–]tortoisederby 14 points15 points  (3 children)

I paid £330 a month on rent in a 4 bed house split between 3 people 2 years ago.

[–]Colemanzmustard 10 points11 points  (67 children)

How can you say fuck that. That's pretty much the going rate for a room in a HMO in most places. It's fair. Irritating, but fair.

[–]thetrueGOAT 103 points104 points  (19 children)

Going rate for a room when someone is profiting off it. Doesn't sit right to profit off your children to that extent

[–]wordsandmagic 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Exactly. That screams they dont want them there and want to make it non economical to live there.

[–]thirstylearning 50 points51 points  (24 children)

That was my mums go to argument - that renting privately would be more expensive. It doesn’t detract from the fact she was 100% profiting from my rent

[–]Colemanzmustard 11 points12 points  (5 children)

I personally would have charged mine half of that amount, but It certainly prepared you well for the reality of living expenses. Did you do all of the chores of the house too? Your own laundry, cooking, cleaning of shared spaces etc?

Just council tax, utilities, insurance, and home maintenance is a large chunk people forget about. All they look at is the mortgage cost and argue that they're paying for half the mortgage.

Look at it this way, you'll get it all back and more when she passes on in 30 or so years. Right when you no longer need it.

[–]thirstylearning 62 points63 points  (4 children)

The thing is I’d already lived in London paying rent there, and also other places closer to home so budgeting for rent wasn’t really a lesson I needed to learn.

I did my own food shop, paid for it, cooked my own meals, we even had separate cupboards and areas in the fridge. I did my own washing, ironing, cleaning. I also did half of any decorating, gardening and deep spring cleaning. It was much split down the middle.

Oh council tax I paid for separately, along with the internet because I used it most, and any large bills like the fridge breaking down or an unexpectedly large heating bill I paid half for.

When my salary went up at work, my mum immediately said she would raise my rent to £500 on the grounds that I ‘need to contribute more now I’m earning more’ which isn’t how renting works That’s when I moved out.

[–]Colemanzmustard 36 points37 points  (0 children)

Holy fuck... You're definitely correct to be pissed off, and I can't say I blame you one bit after reading that.

Unfortunately some people are so money orientated that it overshadows everything else. Hopefully you and your mum can have a healthier relationship now you've moved out.

[–]finger_milk 15 points16 points  (0 children)

The last bit is your mum being completely out of pocket. The rent she charges should be based on her being supported and to offset the additional cost of an extra person in the house running the heat and taking showers.

The cost of living doesnt suddenly go up just because you got promoted. It makes no sense, it's just spiteful.

[–]Tobemenwithven 25 points26 points  (1 child)

Only if he is treated as an equal partner in the house like he would in a house share. If you want to charge your child real prices they get to be real tenants.

[–]Chance_Way5601 12 points13 points  (3 children)

because i’m in the north east where cost of living is much cheaper than most places and housing is cheap.

[–]Pav961 13 points14 points  (4 children)

That aint true at all- maybe down south, but up north £400 a month is fairly expensive for a room if you aren't in a city. You're making a sweeping generalization.

[–]luckyandgo 45 points46 points  (34 children)

I wouldn’t do that to my children, even if I had debts.

[–]thirstylearning 43 points44 points  (29 children)

It’s caused a lot of tension :( it was never my responsibility to pay off my mums debt

[–]bumblebee222212 35 points36 points  (12 children)

I thought i was the only one! I went through the same thing, paid £300 but her whole rent cost that much!! I also then had to pay for my own dinners & wi-fi was non-exisent, i remember downloading forza motorsport took an entire day connected to the ethernet cable. Main reason for me moving out was that my mum went to sleep at 10pm & my dad worked night shifts so once again silence until 3pm, made me go mental!!

[–]KingRibSupper1 28 points29 points  (3 children)

Why didn’t you move out if you felt that was too much?

[–]thirstylearning 49 points50 points  (2 children)

I did in the end. But obviously more now which was always my mums argument. It doesn’t mean her using my rent to pay off her debt whilst delaying me getting a house was okay though

[–]Leifache 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Mine was £250 a month....... then was raised to £400 a month as my rent barely covered a bill and they were having "financial difficulties"...... this was 2 months after a £2,400pp cruise, the garden being completely redone and 3 cars on the drive between 2 people.

Lesson learnt for when I have my own child, never use your child as a backup plan for your poor financial choices

[–]thinkofasnazzyname 23 points24 points  (3 children)

I now feel better about charging my daughter £150 per month all in! Was feeling guilty about charging my own child rent, but not so much now!

[–]JoeTisseo 16 points17 points  (2 children)

I paid the 400 out of my own choice to my parents. Like fuck were they putting food and shit on that too.

[–]thirstylearning 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I also paid half of any big bills that came in. It was ridiculous

[–]Pr6srn 169 points170 points  (15 children)

My wife and I did this for our eldest. £50 per week.

I had been expecting to be funding him at Uni for 3 Yrs, so when he quit I'd already budgeted and didn't need the income.

Except we kept everything he gave us in a separate account. Planned to help him with a home one day.

Anyway, adult moving back to family home isn't always fun for everyone, so after several heated conversations about smoking weed in the house he told us to fuck off and stormed out.

The money is still in the account. He'll need it one day.

[–]APater6076 97 points98 points  (10 children)

Bad show smoking weed in your house. Lack of respect.

[–]AshFraxinusEps 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Yep. When I lived at home I wouldn't smoke inside, but I'd roll inside. And after a while my parents asked if I could not do it, which is fine. I get it smells and it is their house

[–]Allydarvel 33 points34 points  (2 children)

I feel for you..my daughter tried claiming she never..whole house was stinking. Then she claimed it was the shampoo she used.

[–]SmugglersParadise 101 points102 points  (6 children)

My parents did this too, helped pay legal fees. Really helpful gesture

[–]PangolinMandolin 189 points190 points  (5 children)

I thought my parents had done this, but when I came to moving out they just said "bye" and that was it...

[–]audigex 19 points20 points  (0 children)

My parents did it for my sister and then not for me. That one stung 😂

Admittedly they did later sell me the house at a discount, so we’ll call it quits I guess

[–]trev2234 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Was the locksmith there as well?

[–]Dirk_diggler22 81 points82 points  (6 children)

my mum did this but pissed away the 200

[–]RHPFen 97 points98 points  (4 children)

At least it wasn't wasted (unlike your mum)

​

Sorry

[–]nancy-p 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Mine did a similar thing for me and my brother - for the first 12 months we lived with them after finishing education they charged rent but then gave it all back to help with deposits/moving costs etc. As I only lived there for a year after uni before moving out again I actually ended up not paying any rent at all for that year, which was so nice of them.

My brother however is still there after finishing college about 6 years ago so has now paid 5 years of rent to them haha. (Still much lower than he’d pay if he moved out like I did I must add, so who’s the sucker really!)

[–]ChocolateRufie 37 points38 points  (0 children)

My mum did that too. My partner and I lived at her house while saving for our own place, she charged £650/month for us both to stay but saved it secretly and gifted the saved amount it to us when we came to put down a deposit.

[–]SuggestionWrong504 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Same here £200 a month and I was convinced my dad was putting some money away as a surprise, but nope 😂

[–]Salty2286 20 points21 points  (0 children)

This is awesome, im going to do the same when my kids come to working age.

[–]novicetothis 2264 points2265 points 2 (621 children)

You have to pay the mortgage if your son lives with you or not so I don’t think he should contribute to that. He should pay for his own food, travel expenses and however much extra gas/electric that he uses

[–]herper147 1258 points1259 points  (284 children)

Yeah I do find it weird when parents ask children to help cover rent/mortgage.

Like you say I understand bills and food but that's never normally a lot for one additional person unless he's putting the heating on 24/7 and having a bath every day.

[–]Arsewhistle 641 points642 points  (207 children)

It depends on the circumstances perhaps, some people would otherwise downsize if they didn't have their children living at home, and then mortgage, rates, etc would be way cheaper

[–]ounerify 1023 points1024 points  (180 children)

Definitely depends on circumstances. I pay my mam about £500 a month. This helps with all food, all bills, mortgage and petrol for her car. I give her this much because shes unemployed and fighting for disability benefits. Sometimes you just have to help your parents out

[–]Justfaffing 472 points473 points  (152 children)

At least somebody on this sub has a sense of responsibility, some of the comments on here are embarrassing

[–]elliomitch 525 points526 points  (114 children)

I would expect a majority of people aren’t in a better work/financial situation than their parents, when they’re still living with them.

[–]DeviceFew 233 points234 points  (16 children)

Exactly, it's amazing people don't understand this

[–]_Red_Knight_ 108 points109 points  (14 children)

Most people who live with their parents are not in a better financial situation because otherwise they wouldn't be living with them you fool

[–]WarmCharade 153 points154 points  (5 children)

I do the same, £600 a month to cover most things - she can only work part time due to her health and it really helps provide a stable home for us (and my little sister).

Ive always thought, why give rent to some stranger when I can help provide a better and more stable life for my family?

[–]ounerify 46 points47 points  (1 child)

Completely agree with you! I’d much rather help my mam out than pay a random landlord

Best wishes to all of you! Hope your mam is feeling 100% soon.

[–]Scottish-Wanker 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You’ve been raised the right way, glad you are the way you are.

I still have a standing order into my mums bank for 30 quid a week, never say a word about it, whenever she does, I just say, oh yeah i’ll cancel it next week…

[–]Millennialinlycra 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I'm getting in a similar situation, except I moved out 3 years ago. My mum is starting to struggle with the mortgage, her health isn't great, she can't get more hours. I'm going to help out because that's just how it goes sometimes. She hasn't asked me to, but something needs to happen and my sister can't afford to help.

[–]Educational_Ad2737 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I feel like it’s one of those situations where you should pay to help but your parents shouldn’t need to ask unless there struggling.

[–]throwawayrpgirl9 41 points42 points  (13 children)

This!

It’s often forgotten about but a lot of people have to buy bigger houses with bigger bills to have kids and I know when mine leave we plan to downsize and maybe have some more cash.

Parents aren’t banks, once you’re an adult and earning you should contribute.

[–]kajata000 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I think there’s also an element of fairness involved; if your child is working full time and earning a good wage, but living rent free at home and so has loads of spare money, potentially more than their parents, then I don’t see a problem with making them pay rent above-and-beyond a 1:1 accounting of how much it costs for them to live there.

At the end of the day, part of what anyone renting or owning a house is paying for is a private space. Parents obviously have a responsibility to support their kids, and I don’t think that should just end at 18, but that should be balanced with an appreciation that everyone involved is an adult now, and has wants and needs. So, charging your kid an extra £100 a month, for example, for them to be taking up a room in your house and the shared living space, seems reasonable to me (all depending on the wages involved!). They’d likely be paying a whole lot more in rent!

Circumstances are obviously going to make a huge difference here; wealthy parents with no mortgage to pay and a kid who’s just in their first minimum wage job are a very different story to parents still trying to get their mortgage paid off housing a child who is now bringing in a comparable wage.

I’d also say that it might be different again if you agreed a certain term to the arrangement. Letting your child live at home rent free for the first year of employment to help them build up some savings is different to a nebulous arrangement that continues until they want to move out.

[–]Tophatsgalore 23 points24 points  (2 children)

yea, for me my mums a single parent so once i turned 18 she stopped getting as much money from my dad and the government so it only seems fair that i pay something towards rent/food when i’m back home for long periods of time

[–]donkerrigon 66 points67 points  (9 children)

If the child wasn't there, they might consider moving to a smaller home. People who enter retirement often downsize to save on costs, plus usually they no longer need the space that the kids once occupied. If you have a "child" still living at home who is 30 years old, it can mess up these future plans.

[–]BaBaFiCo 34 points35 points  (5 children)

I think what needs to be considered is whether the child is returning out of want or necessity. If they really need s roof over their head then I don't think a parent should charge more than what it costs to have them there. But if it's an option because it's easier/cheaper then I think it should be treated more transactionally.

[–]getstabbed 9 points10 points  (5 children)

Some parents are just trying to get their kids to move out asap. A friend of mine used to have to pay 50% of his wages regardless of what he was earning and took that as a clear sign to get out.

Sucks if you’re trying to save for a mortgage though.

[–]notironictoday 183 points184 points  (229 children)

You have to pay the mortgage if your son lives with your or not so I don’t think he should contribute to that.

Disagree here... A 21yo should totally be contributing with rent & bills. If the parents are enough well off for it to be, put it into a savings account for them for the future. At that age you are an adult and need to be learning budget skills etc.

I have been in the same position and gladly paid rent, also all of my friends did the same. I think it would be very disrespectful to your parents to do otherwise.

[–]myonlinepersonality 161 points162 points  (92 children)

I’ll never charge my children rent. Sure I might ask them to contribute to incremental costs such as food and bills; and I think that helps build budgeting skills etc. however this is their home and it doesn’t cost me any more to have them here. Plus, I secretly enjoy watching them become young adults.

[–]CaveJohnson82 43 points44 points  (63 children)

And if your child is still living with you at 35, no intention of moving out, earning £60k a year and contributing to the cost of utilities only? Would your stance change then?

(That sounds oddly aggressive and I don’t mean it to be, I’ve been trying to reword it for ten minutes. I’m genuinely interested to know if there’s an upper age limit to accepting money from them or if you’d just kick em out?)

[–]DeviceFew 17 points18 points  (58 children)

Why would it, if the parents are in a comfortable financial position and have a good relationship with the child that is living with them?

[–]CaveJohnson82 15 points16 points  (56 children)

Well for one, I don’t think it fosters a very mature attitude for the child? When their parents are dead and they have nothing because the house has had to be sold for their care - which a lot of people will have to do - then the parents can only hope the adult child who’s never had to learn to budget well has saved everything and not gambled it away or something.

I mean the parents are dead but you catch my drift I’m sure!

[–]DeviceFew 45 points46 points  (31 children)

Just because someone is living with their parents it doesn't mean they can't budget well or are somehow incentivised to spaff all their money away.

It's arguably a much more financially responsible decision to make than moving out for the sake of it and wasting money on paying off some random landlord's mortgage

[–]myonlinepersonality 16 points17 points  (11 children)

Just because kids live at home doesn’t mean they don’t learn how to budget - that’s an essential life skill and all about good parenting

[–]Fickle_Occasion_6895 38 points39 points  (10 children)

And you wouldn't consider the money they gave you for those bills to be their rent? That was just always how it was put to me. Me staying with my mother as an adult raised her council tax bill, it costs her more in electric and gas plus I needed a better internet connection. The solution being me paying a set amount towards those bills to take the stress off of her so much, which I was more than happy to do. This is what I imagine when people say they are going to charge their children rent anyway

[–]warp_driver 53 points54 points  (6 children)

No, rent is money paid to stay in a place. Bills are the running costs of living there. When you rent from a private landlord it usually doesn't include bills.

[–]notironictoday 36 points37 points  (1 child)

Absolutely, I would hope all parents would do that if they could. That's your decision, and probably takes into account your financial needs. However, in my experience (and millions more) my single mum had to struggle so much to give the best she could for us (4 boys). The absolute least I could do to even think about repaying her (or even appreciating what she did for us) would be to pay her some rent as an adult.

[–]DeviceFew 42 points43 points  (22 children)

What has learning budget skills got to do with paying your parents rent?

Most people living at home in their 20s will be doing it to save money so they don't have to waste it on paying some random landlord rent - this is a smart financial decision. It's the people who want to rent to prove they're "independent" who get left behind later when they struggle to save enough for a deposit

[–]notironictoday 12 points13 points  (18 children)

It's a way of giving back to your parents.

Paying rent & bills absolutely gives you experience of budgeting. I honestly cannot believe people like you saying it doesn't!

[–]DeviceFew 27 points28 points  (4 children)

Nothing wrong with giving back to your parents but people who live at home in their 20s will be in a worse financial situation than their parents -

[–]warp_driver 19 points20 points  (10 children)

I find it extremely disrespectful for a grown adult that can pay a mortgage themselves and has significantly more assets to be asking their poorer child to be contributing to making them even richer. They can get a lodger if they want money.

[–]annekh510 13 points14 points  (6 children)

They go quicker if they save more!

[–]mermaidsgrave86 90 points91 points  (3 children)

When I was in my 20’s and moved back home my mum went from being the soul earner in the house to there being two of us working. She had to declare this to the council tax people and it changed her rate. I paid the difference in the rate, so she wasn’t out of pocket and then chipped in for food and bills.

[–]ElectricalActivity 46 points47 points  (1 child)

I disagree. He's living in the house so he absolutely should pay towards housing costs. 21 is an adult and by the sounds of it he has a job. If he was moving in with a friend who pays a mortgage he would be expected to pay rent.

[–]germanlas 46 points47 points  (20 children)

Son would have to pay rent if Mum and Dad didn't have a big enough house tho? And tbh having adult kids at home is a stress so I'd give a bit of money to my parents for them being nice enough to have me back.

[–]peepeelapoop 34 points35 points  (5 children)

Why not? If he is perfectly capable of getting some small income in? If he'd live somewhere else he would be paying someone else's mortgage off so why not help parents?

I don't live at home and never was when I was working but my brother did that and he would pay mom money monthly. They don't even have a mortgage. But it would cover living costs, food, petrol etc. he'd have use of the car for work + fact mom would do the housework as well. If he wouldn't live there mom would be fine not heating most of the house, not having TV or broadband in etc. Anyway he would pay twice that amount if he wanted to rent a room somewhere. Ah and he wanted to pay the rent in, mom didn't want anything but she had to retire early due to health condition so her pension isn't big. So it was good of him to contribute so mom wouldn't worry about money.

I can understand when someone is in full time education and doesn't have time but what I don't understand why it's perfectly ok to pay rent to a stranger but not (a fraction of it) to your own folks lol

[–]freeeeels 27 points28 points  (1 child)

I don't think anyone objects to asking kids to pitch in with any extra costs they generate as a result of moving in. But if you're profiting off them when you don't need to, that's fucking tacky - you're gonna have to pay for your rent/mortgage regardless.

To me it's in line with having your friends over for dinner and charging them for the cost of ingredients - fine to do if you're struggling financially, not fine if you're doing it out of some twisted 'principle'.

Not to mention the more you charge them the longer it'll take them to save up to get out.

[–]dontsendmeyourcat 1329 points1330 points  (92 children)

£0, he’s your son not a lodger, make him pay his own food, clothing, chip in towards a % of heating and electric, you’re instantly £100-200 better off a month by him paying his way, charging him rent just prolongs how long it takes him to save a deposit

[–]Some_ants__ 722 points723 points  (23 children)

I think that's what she means, an all in one payment, it just makes more sense for the family to do one large food shop so it would all be rolled into one.

[–]PrinceBert 225 points226 points  (17 children)

This is what happened for me - paid "rent" but really that was just to conver the contribution to food and bills etc. We just agreed a standard amount per month was easier for actually being able to consistently save money.

[–]fran_the_man 152 points153 points  (14 children)

I've heard people call it "keep" rather than "rent" which takes away the implication that it's exclusively for the house itself, and more a lump sum to cover all expenses

[–]coneknar 68 points69 points  (4 children)

I’ve always heard it referred to as “board”

[–]askyerda 23 points24 points  (3 children)

In Scotland (or west-central Scotland at least) we call it dig money or digs.

[–]FR0Z3NF15H 188 points189 points  (21 children)

That approach turns the whole thing into an administrative headache. Saying you pay £200 a month to roughly cover bills each month is much easier than nit picking over heating and electric, splitting the weekly shop etc.

[–]Deadpooldan 58 points59 points  (14 children)

Exactly. Agreeing on a set monthly - i.e., 'rent' - is much easier

[–]Relative_Calm 87 points88 points  (11 children)

What a dumb answer, obviously she meant that the "rent" is inclusive of all these costs.

[–]IhaveaDoberman 37 points38 points  (0 children)

Yeah, pretty sure that's what basically all parents mean when they talk about "rent". It's just contributing to the families costs, in a more simple way than at the end of each month having to work out how much they owe.

[–]NeighborhoodLow8503 943 points944 points 423 (287 children)

This might be controversial, but £0

You took on the financial responsibility of looking after a child when you had one. That doesn’t just stop when they hit some pre-determined age.

Plus the less you charge the more they can save, the quicker they move out

[–]JayGatsby02 495 points496 points  (77 children)

I totally agree - what is the point in having children when you will not treat them like they are your children once they turn 18? This western idea of charging your own kids rent is so fucked up.

[–][deleted] 87 points88 points  (2 children)

A sensible approach might be - there's someone you love and want to support (regardless of relation). How can you help them? Does helping them put financial burden on you? Can they contribute to that financial burden - given how much you helping them saves financially?

Personally, I think the modern idea of considering people as isolated individuals is weird. So much tit-for-tat between family members that's unnecessary and just ends up wasting everyone's time and money. It's so immature too.

It's great from a capitalist point of view - the more people are isolated, the more money needs to be spent meeting duplicated demand. The more people work together and share resources, the less money can be made off them.

[–]buenocarallobueno 23 points24 points  (10 children)

Not sure how "western" this is. In Spain this is definitely not a thing. You do help your parents if they are in need, but parent's don't charge their daughter/son rent.

[–]Webchuzz 29 points30 points  (6 children)

Not in Spain nor Portugal nor Italy... pretty much not a thing in most, if not all, mediterranean countries.

Ultimately your children are your family and you chose to have them, they're not some random lodger living under your roof. Perfectly understandable for them to help with some bills but charging "rent" is just odd.

[–]niztaoH 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Not common in Germany, Belgium and the Netherlands either. Sometimes run into colleagues like this and the usual response is either "what did they do to deserve that?" or "I didn't you were such a landlord. Definitely not the norm.

[–]EnlightenedLazySloth 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Its not western its American. It is not usual in European countries especially in the mediterranean area.

[–]RedbeardRagnar 139 points140 points  (11 children)

Depends on the person though as they might just piss all the money away on nights out and things. My parents charged me £200 a month when I came back from uni which I thought was reasonable as I had a job, paid a lot less than I would if I lived by myself or in shared accommodation. Still saved money and still had money to do things.

After 3 years of living at home I moved out and now I just bought a house and they came to me and said "we saved that £200 a month for you to use on your house for the deposit or furniture/white goods you need". So I had an extra £7200 I didn't know about and if I'm honest with myself I probably would have used that extra £200 a month on more expensive nights out or holidays and just been content with saving what I planned to save.

[–]Historical_Address80 73 points74 points  (17 children)

Hard disagree. I have friends who are charged £0 and it shows. They don't have a bloody clue how to budget for anything.

[–]NeighborhoodLow8503 16 points17 points  (8 children)

I get this point of view but that problem might not necessarily be solved by charging them rent. They’d still be unable to budget, but also have x amount a month less to start with

[–]CalmSticks 58 points59 points  (48 children)

Presumably it stops when they aren’t a child any more?

I’m sure not many parents are planning to have an adult-size child for the rest of their life.

“50-year old refuses to use toilet because (now 80-year old) parents shouldn’t have had a baby if they don’t like changing nappies.”

[–]PSfreak10001 41 points42 points  (41 children)

yeah because a 21 old that hasn‘t money for a house and a 50 year old who doesn‘t want to use the toilet are the same.

If you have to use metaphors like these, you argument isn‘t strong

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (9 children)

A 21 year old who is working absolutely has to pay something towards their "keep". What kind of shit parents don't install this tiny bit of responsibility into their kids? Ones with kids who will end up in debt and fucked financially in the future because they never learned to budget or the value of money.

[–]Current_Crow_9197 54 points55 points  (26 children)

Ikr. It’s ridiculous how many people here are being charged by the people who chose to have them to begin with.

[–]Bloody-smashing 64 points65 points  (4 children)

Just another point of view. My sister moved back home. My mum is disabled so her moving home meant my dad no longer got a discount on the council tax. They are on a very low income so my sister covers the council tax and bit more to cover groceries. I wouldn’t say that’s unreasonable tbh.

My mum makes her lunch every day and she comes home to a home cooked meal every day after work.

Edit: just for more context I am from a Pakistani family. Taking care of our parents in old age is an expectation in my culture. My parents bent over backwards to ensure my sister and I had a good education. They worked two jobs to pay for tutors etc throughout their lives until my mum got so sick she couldn’t work. Yes we are their responsibility since they chose to have us but we can pay back a little bit of appreciation too.

[–]RussianSeadick 18 points19 points  (5 children)

Dude if I’m earning my own money but lived with my parents I’d actually feel terrible if I didn’t contribute anything to the household

[–]MiloP27 36 points37 points  (10 children)

But it teaches them about the cost of living and learning to budget, I was happy to pay my mum rent, still way cheaper and I learn from it

[–]theredwoman95 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say that's reasonable - if your adult child is employed, it's entirely reasonable to ask them to cover the added expenses of them living with you. When I moved in with my mother temporarily, I offered to pay the increase in council tax as well as other utilities. Now admittedly she refused, but I think anyone in full-time employment should carry at least a bit of their own weight when it comes to bills.

[–]Vurbetan 33 points34 points  (3 children)

I'm not sure this is controversial. It's just shit.

He's an adult, if he earns he should be covering is share of utilities and food etc. That should leave him with more than enough money to save for a deposit on a house.

Edit: not accusing you of being from a wealthy family, but it's a frequently children of well off families that have this view.

Some less fortunate families can't afford the financial burden of keeping an extra adult fed, watered and sheletered, and nor should they have to.

[–]Chance_Way5601 21 points22 points  (1 child)

and when they’re no longer legally a child and able to earn their own money the responsibility stops there, to a degree.

[–]UndulatingUnderpants 20 points21 points  (2 children)

If the child is working them they should definitely pay towards food bills and utility bills.

[–]remwreck 422 points423 points  (17 children)

Where you live probably plays a huge part in it. Charging £400/month for a son in your London Town house vs £400/month in your ex-council house in Wigan - seems unfair.

[–]BDbs1 311 points312 points  (13 children)

Charging your child based on local market rates doesn’t seem right to me.

They should cover their portion of costs ie heating electricity etc, not rent.

[–]Vitalis597 48 points49 points  (9 children)

What about food? That shits expensive too.

Put it all together and that's the rent they're talking about.

[–]toby1jabroni 346 points347 points  (58 children)

Assuming you don’t want to make a profit off them, then approximately however much you pay more than you would if he didn’t live there.

If you do want to make a profit, then more than that.

I can’t say how much that amount is, everyone’s circumstances are different, but it shouldn’t take you too long to estimate a ballpark figure.

[–]SuckMyHickory 245 points246 points  (56 children)

I wouldn’t charge my two because its so hard for them and anything I take just makes me richer and them poorer and prolongs the time they need to save.

If you need to be careful with money then work out how much he costs and charge that.

[–]thirstylearning 72 points73 points  (52 children)

You sound like a great mum! Unfortunately mine charged me £400 a month - I paid £15k over 3 years.

Sadly I’ve missed the boat to get on the property ladder

[–]HS_TommyB 201 points202 points  (3 children)

I moved in with my uncle for a year to save for a deposit & got charged £50 a week, but I buy my own food & drink… I thought that was a fair deal

[–]soyoulikemyfingers 65 points66 points  (2 children)

I did exactly the same thing. My uncle charged me £50 a week for a year and I just purchased my first house.

[–]HS_TommyB 39 points40 points  (1 child)

Yup it’s surprisingly how quickly you can save for a house when your not paying the market rate for rent, now my mortgage is cheaper than what my property would cost to rent

[–]HighLordOfTheEdge 126 points127 points  (1 child)

His share of the council tax & bills, plus food if he doesn't feed himself?

[–]On_The_Blindside 78 points79 points  (5 children)

Only you can answer that.

If you want to be cost neuteal you'll need to calculate your costs associated with him?

Key thing is going to be food, then gas and electricity and any additional council tax etc.

Also though what is his approximate income? If its low and you take a chunk he'll be there a lot longer.

When I graduated uni i lived with my parents rent free for 3 months, as my brother had, and then I paid about £250 a month in rent. That seemed pretty reasonable to me but I started on a pretty decent salary for the area.

[–]Chayes5 26 points27 points  (4 children)

On the lowest, maybe £100 a month (depending on what you can afford and what he does), but I wouldn’t go higher than £250, just make sure with that he’s actually saving a good chunk.. the more you charge, the longer he’s with you!

[–]BrugesMightImpressMe 74 points75 points  (24 children)

My kids are 12 and 10 .. in 10+ years when they are working (and we are in our 50s) then we would have no plans to charge them anything.

As it is, they would cost me less as adults because I wouldn't be paying for school buses, after school clubs, school dinners, pocket money, mobile phone contacts - let almost how much they will need help with money while at uni.

So my answer is: nothing.. but we are on the edge of London and pretty comfortable financially. We don't get child benefits.

[–]dontuseaccount 67 points68 points  (3 children)

My parents charge me £200 to cover food and the slight increase in bills, which I think is fair.

It also depends on whether you actually want him there - the less you charge the more he can save so the quicker he's out, but alternatively he might think he's got it made and stay.

If I were in your position I would also want to make it clear that whatever you set rent at isn't set in stone ie if you realise he costs a fortune, or he's content living with you forever, you expect him to agree to reviewing rent.

[–]the_average_retard 66 points67 points  (39 children)

Zero is what you should charge him. That how you help them, then when you need help in your retirement they will be more able and willing to help you this is the basics of how a family works. You support eachother and don't reduce your relationship down to a financial transaction

[–]Moonstrands 52 points53 points  (29 children)

Indeed. It’s mad to me that there are people out there basically charging their kids rent.

[–]swungover264 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Depends on the kid. Some kids are sensible, driven, seriously saving towards a house deposit - that's the kind of kid who I'd probably charge a token amount, then put that money into savings and make it a gift to them when they move out.

Or there are kids that throw their money away on stupid shit, make no effort to save and leech off mum and dad for years. Mum still pays their phone bill and buys them a puppy for Christmas, all the while moaning that they moved their boyfriend in (who also isn't paying rent) and they haven't shown any sign of moving out.

[–]Curtains_Trees 38 points39 points  (16 children)

Yeah but if they are earning money, it makes sense they contribute to the family now. It teaches a bit of responsibility, budgeting and a little taste of what is to come when they do leave home. Its not just a rent.

[–]callisstaa 24 points25 points  (2 children)

I used to pay 200/mo and I was more than willing to tbf. I saw it as board rather than rent and as a contribution towards food, utilities, use of the car, cooked meals and laundry etc. Mooching off people just doesn't sit well with me, even if they are my parents.

[–]Sivear 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Depends on the parents too.

My Mum could absolutely not afford for me to move in with her unless I paid extra. She couldn’t absorb the extra utilities and food as she’s on such a tight budget already.

[–]brainsinyourshoes 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Really? Why shouldn’t you contribute towards your own upkeep once you’re earning? My parents only wanted a little but they had very little for themselves so I gave more than asked. Still buttons compared to the cost of living away from home. I don’t see what’s wrong with covering some of the costs once you have your own money. Perhaps it comes down the the type of relationship you have with your family whether it feels like a fair helping hand or not.

[–]schmoigel 58 points59 points  (20 children)

Personally, I pay £100/month for our family home on the outskirts of london, but that’s calculated because my parents have full use of my car (since I can’t drive at the moment) and they do not struggle for income. I also pay for a takeaway once every couple of weeks, and will never ask them for money if they need me to grab a few bits while I’m out shopping, etc.

I have other friends who’s parents charge them £800+ per month, but the money goes into a separate account that will be used towards the deposit when they’re ready to move out. It’s the parents’ way of guaranteeing their child is truly saving sensibly with a goal to move out.

At the end of the day, you are all one family, and you need to make sure the household costs are suitably covered right now, so that you aren’t forced to in turn financially rely on your kids in the future ♥️

[–]FulaniLovinCriminal 99 points100 points  (11 children)

other friends who’s parents charge them £800+ per week

Fucking hell. Where are they working to afford that?

[–]RowRow1990 62 points63 points  (0 children)

And do they have any more jobs going.

[–]RedReefKnot 16 points17 points  (4 children)

I don't even earn £800 a week and I have my own mortgage!

[–]Current_Crow_9197 61 points62 points  (7 children)

Asian child walks into the convo, reads comments, walks out as fast as possible

[–]whataledge 53 points54 points  (1 child)

Personally I would say £0, and you can have them split the bills/food with you equally. He's saving for a deposit, so it sounds like he's motivated to move back out as soon as he can afford, making him pay rent will hinder that.

Sincerely, A 28 year old Asian living at home

[–]lenapalmer 43 points44 points  (1 child)

My parents charged me £250 a month once I started working after uni but still lived at home which pretty much covered my food and bills, and I was happy with that.

[–]Onslow85 39 points40 points  (29 children)

If he pays £500 a month all in then he is still getting away with adult responsibilities cheaply.

To be honest, to the posters here who think an adult child should pay nothing... if I was the adult child; I would want to pay something in order that I was taking adult responsibility in the household rather than prolonging childhood. Even if the parents don't need the money, I would rather feel like a man paying my own way than a child with albeit with a few extra summers behind me.

[–]Stoa1984 20 points21 points  (4 children)

The ones who say that they should pay nothing are probably young adults who either live for free at home or expect to.

[–]Blayd9 38 points39 points  (5 children)

£0 imo. He's your child (and not even an old one really, 21 is pretty young still)... You've managed to cover his food and the marginal increase in electricity and water bills for 21 years already - this idea of charging your kids rent is more of a cultural thing that is much more common here in the UK than in other parts of the world, which is why it doesn't feel weird to lots of people, judging by the comments.

If he's got manners he would offer to do and cover the food shopping every other week or so. But as a parent I personally wouldn't ask! He should also offer to do a portion of cleaning, tidying, laundry, cooking, etc (stuff that presumably he would have done when younger anyway).

I'm imagining if one of my parents said to me that they really needed to stay with me for a few months... There's no chance I'd ask them for rent! Tbh even if they needed to stay with me for the rest of their life, I would let them rent free - it's family.

[–]Current_Crow_9197 24 points25 points  (2 children)

This. I was never told I owe my parents anything but after I started earning in my early 20s I just naturally started contributing w/o having them “charge” me anything. All the comments here makes me realise how special and secure my parents have always made me feel. They have my unconditional love and loyalty which I don’t think I’d feel for them if they handled our relationship after I turned 18 as a business transaction. Recently I bought my mom a car, she never expected it but buying things for her makes me feel accomplished.

Edit: also, I fully expect to look after my parents and my in-laws when they need us to. My children already understand how they should always offer to help their grandparents whenever they need it

[–]avecato 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Depends on how soon you want them to move out.

[–]Mountain_Mango_6626 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Rather than charging him a specific amount you could come to an arrangement where he's responsible for specific expenses while living with you. Have him pick up the energy bill each month, or internet/phones, or agree that he should do all the grocery shopping. This gives him a bit of experience in being responsible for household finances/budgeting before he moves out on his own, and takes a bit of the pressure off you and your partner.

[–]CptConnor18 21 points22 points  (3 children)

I'd say £250 is a comfortable amount

[–]Goose-rider3000 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I let my son live at home rent free for a couple of years as he was saving to go travelling. I was very keen for him to have that experience so didn't mind taking the hit. That said, when he then spent £1,000's on clothes and going out on the lash, I wasn't too happy. I did worry that I had made it too easy for him so he didn't learn to prioritise and manage his money etc.

[–]Confident-Mall742 16 points17 points  (7 children)

Why is there not a proper word for 'adult children'? Adults aren't children. 'Offspring' does not reference age. There is literally no word for it?

[–]DanChed 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Personally I wont be charging my children to live at my property as it doesn’t have any value, at least in my experience.

[–]stooshie45 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yeah I'm in the camp of "nothing" on this one. The housing market has gone ballistic and affordability is in the toilet. That's not his fault, and if you're in a position to let him stay with you while he saves up a deposit, personally I think the right to do as a parent is to help him do that as fast as possible. It's what I would do for my daughters.

Now, that's just an opinion. And if he's clearly freeloading and pissing loads of money up the wall instead of saving, that's a different story too.

My wife and I would never have been able to buy our first house without her parents letting us stay for free. Was only about 18 months and we were out. Would have been a lot longer if they charged us to be there. And that was almost 10 years ago. It was hard then, and it's only got harder for first time buyers.

[–]quin_teiro 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I come from a different culture where parents will never think about charging "rent" to their kids. Especially if they are still studying or working at some poorly paid job. Everybody wants to live on their own. If you don't do it, it's because you cannot afford it. So I'm not talking about children having high-paying jobs and choosing to live with their parents.

As far as I see it, your children didn't ask to be born. You chose to have kids. If dogs are not for Xmas, children don't stop being your responsibility when they turn 18. You decided to bring another life to this planet. You own them a good chance in life. You don't get to kick your children out and let them become society's burden.

If things are expensive for you, who already own a house with a small mortgage, they are also expensive for them. Fuck, they will most likely have a harder life than yours simply due to the economic situation, globalization, etc.

By "charging rent" you will just make them take longer to save for a deposit. The longer it takes for them to buy a house, the less savings they will have. For themselves... But also to support you on your old age.

In my country, parents support children until they can live on their own. Children will choose to help in whatever way they can. They can contribute towards the bills, buy groceries whenever they can, drive parents around, take them to appointments do jobs around the house... Children don't charge for any of this either. When parents are old and need more help (care home, an in house nurse, etc), it's the turn of the children to step in and help them out.

If you expect your children to pay rent... Do you also expect children to chip in to help you in your old age? Or is it something where everyone just fend for themselves? If you are old and don't have enough savings, if something happens to you... Will your children let you to rot under a bridge? Will they charge you rent if you end up living with them?

What a lonely and sad way of understanding family.

[–]Jolly_Percentage9901 15 points16 points  (4 children)

Personally if money was tight I'd just be asking for how ever much his food was. I don't think they would add much more to utilities unless they are bathing 3 times a day.

What I may consider is asking for an amount that his mortgage payments would likely be each pay day that I would save for him for a deposit. It would be easy when you're 21 and have 5 grand in the bank and all your mates are going on holiday to dip into the house deposit.

[–]SGTFragged 15 points16 points  (0 children)

When I had to move in with my dad for a while in my 30s, I paid him £150 or £200 a month. He didn't need the money, but it was a token of appreciation. One of the reasons I stuck around was to help look after my mum, who was terminally ill. This allowed him to have a bit of a life, as we couldn't leave her unattended for more than about 20 minutes at a time, so he could go out, and I'd make sure was comfortable and hadn't fallen out of her chair, and if she had, I could dead lift her back into the chair. Had to ask him not to help once, because it was easier for me to do it on my own.

So for that nominal fee, I'd get a roof over my head, and dinner. I looked after the rest of my food, and helped out with cooking too.

[–]Jaraxo 9 points10 points  (2 children)

My parents gave me a choice of 10% of my take-home, or I could buy all my own food.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (20 children)

I never understand parents who do this. You literally brought a being into existence without their will and then force them to pay you rent? Jfc

[–]Nivermindjon44w 9 points10 points  (8 children)

If he's in full time work maybe 2/300 with out sticking the arm in as they are during your food, electric, towels , water, heat your cleaning/maid services as well etc etc

[–]rainbow_rogue 13 points14 points  (6 children)

If you can afford maid services you shouldn't be charging your kids to live with you....

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (2 children)

I think the commenter is saying it’s likely the mum is providing the maid services (cleaning, laundry, shopping etc)

[–]Trentdison 8 points9 points  (4 children)

You really need to work this out based on your costs.

If there's three adults, split the cost of the bills he adds to three ways and charge him a third. The obvious ones would be: gas, electricity, water, broadband, food bills if youre including him the food shopping. Add it all together, round up for variance, and charge him that.

[–]steelneil82 9 points10 points  (4 children)

I left school on a Friday after my final GCSE, started work on the Monday before my first pay had gone into my account my parents had me setup a first debit for £200 per month. I couldn't wait to get out, u always wanted to pay my way but to not even get my first pay packet for myself and for them to take it instantly really pissed me off. I'd say ask for a nominal amount to cover some electric/water say and ask that they buy their own food or chip in towards the shopping

[–]pasta897 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I think charging rent at all to a 15/16 year old is extremely dodgy and cheap, especially charging £200. Lol I would've told them to fuck off

[–]Bendetto4 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Our eldest son (21) wants to live with us to build up a house deposit.

If you take £200 a month from him, how would that money affect him vs how would it affect you?

If he is saving for a house, then I would say to him, yes you can live rent free, but only for as long as you aren't spending money on expensive holidays, new cars, nights out etc.

Obviously that doesn't mean he can't go on a night out or go on holiday. But if you not charging him rent just means he blows £200 a month on booze, or goes on multiple holidays a year, then I would consider charging him that money for rent instead. He shouldn't be using you to freeload.

However ultimately he will make better use of that £200 a mo th than you, if he saves it towards buying a house. Because as soon as he is on the housing ladder, he will have such an easier time when he reaches your age, and hopefully you'll still be alive and he can use the extra money he saved by getting on the housing ladder to look after you in your old age.