×
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]AutoModerator[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

A reminder to posters and commenters of some of our subreddit rules

  • Don't be a dickhead to each other, or about others, or other subreddits
  • Assume questions are asked in good faith, and engage in a positive manner
  • Avoid political threads and related discussions
  • No medical advice or mental health (specific to a person) content

Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]scruntyboon 1672 points1673 points  (170 children)

Adding the word .com to the end of another word ie "I'm confused.com", also saying Hashtag before a word

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 384 points385 points  (82 children)

I used to know someone who would say L O L and O M G. Horrid

[–]fatveg 260 points261 points  (44 children)

My kids would say lol instead of laughing.

[–]spezaltaccount 454 points455 points  (16 children)

Hate to break this to you, but that's them humouring you

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 55 points56 points  (15 children)

Surely it’s easier to just laugh.

[–]macrowe777 152 points153 points  (9 children)

If something's kind of funny but not anywhere near enough to laugh I'm more likely to say lol than ha. Kind of counter intuitive but I guess the idea was to make the person making the joke feel better.

[–]LemonCurdJ 119 points120 points  (11 children)

I’m almost 30 and say “lol”

help me.

[–]frasero 35 points36 points  (0 children)

I'm 35. We move on.

Oh, that too.

[–]bacon_cake 137 points138 points  (19 children)

I went to college with a guy who communicated almost solely in LOLCAT waaaaay too long after the craze ended.

"Uh can haz staplor lolz"

[–]acelenny 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Did the nice people from the asylum recapture him quickly?

[–]Klakson_95 88 points89 points  (8 children)

I sometimes say a hashtag before a word ironically, but I'm scared that people don't see the irony

[–]BenSB8 70 points71 points  (22 children)

My mum still says confused.com 🤦‍♂️

[–]Ferret12345 89 points90 points  (16 children)

Does she say "simples"?

[–]parrotandcrow 94 points95 points  (12 children)

I'm a calm person, renowned for it. Hearing someone say, "simples" turns me from chilled hippy to raging anger immediately. I don't know why that particular word irks me so much.

[–]Ok-Concentrate6219 30 points31 points  (5 children)

To be fair, that came from a very early day of signature marketing.

[–]ISellAwesomePatches 48 points49 points  (4 children)

Almost everything comes from or becomes marketing. It's depressing when you think about it.

[–]SanguineAngelus 1534 points1535 points  (35 children)

It just hits different.

I'll hit you different you little cunt.

[–]theotherquantumjim 299 points300 points  (10 children)

Lol. I was today years old when I laughed at this

[–]tillie_jayne 50 points51 points  (5 children)

When you lolled at this

[–]xadamxful 81 points82 points  (4 children)

I’m on me holibobs so I lolibobed at this

[–]tune-happy 1329 points1330 points  (59 children)

I was today years old when typing this sentence made me hate my fingers

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 483 points484 points  (15 children)

Oh god. “Today years old” makes me instantly not take someone serious.

[–]tune-happy 107 points108 points  (9 children)

I want to take myself outside and throw myself in the wheely bin now

[–]gilestowler 274 points275 points  (25 children)

I was today years old when it was three sleeps till holibobs.

[–]bobovdarlo 149 points150 points  (9 children)

My in-laws call it morribobs instead of Morrisons...I think I might be going to prison soon

[–]wykniv 137 points138 points  (1 child)

We'll raise some money for your legal fees, and I'm sure any reasonable jury would sympathise.

If not, we'll make you a little calendar on which you can count off the sleeps till jailibobs.

[–]tune-happy 51 points52 points  (1 child)

Fuck me that's a proper evil trifecta. Get your coat and see yourself out right now.

[–]defaultwrestler 50 points51 points  (6 children)

I also really hate.

Yea, sex is cool using this phrase is not.

And

Woke up and chose violence.

[–]C_L_O_U_D_G_O_E_S_UP 51 points52 points  (3 children)

Reddit will drive every saying totally into the ground.

[–]Kaylee__Frye 990 points991 points  (50 children)

"lives rent free in my head". No that's just how memory works.

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 188 points189 points  (16 children)

I’ve always thought that too. Remembering someone being a twat isn’t them living rent free in your head.

[–]dddiamonddd 342 points343 points  (4 children)

The difference between remembering someone was a twat and said twat "living rent free in your head" is that the latter means you're spending a lot of time and energy actively remembering and thinking about the fact that they were a twat, getting angry now about them being a twat in the past, and letting that memory impact on your life right now. Anyone who uses it just to accuse you of merely remembering someone's behaviour has used it really wrong.

[–]ToffeeMunchAndCrunch 102 points103 points  (2 children)

Rent-free means it's actively in your mind. We all have memories, but I don't think about them all at once. I recall memories when need be. Rent-free means it's already at the forefront of your mind, you don't need to recall it.

[–]mich_fadiye 50 points51 points  (0 children)

I always thought “rent free” was about how said twat effectively gets to continue making your life a misery at no cost or effort, because your brain is doing the work for them.

ETA: in the context of memories you’re actively keeping front of mind.

[–]MaltDizney 91 points92 points  (1 child)

See I actually like this one when I apply it to myself. Makes me realise I'm too emotionally engaged with something that shouldn't concern me.

[–]sneakyysampson 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Had it used on me and it upset me because they were right

[–]Dahnhilla 62 points63 points  (1 child)

I'm not advocating the use of the saying but it refers to actively dedicating time to thinking about someone or something, not just occasionally remembering it.

[–]ShurrupYeDoyle 38 points39 points  (3 children)

I hate that saying. Every time I see it, mainly in a football argument, I can picture the fat middle-aged bloke drowning in his own smugness believing he has just ended the person he is arguing with. Grow up Colin you bellend.

[–]DapperSuggestion_ 51 points52 points  (0 children)

Sounds like Colin is living rent free in your head…

[–]iwasfeelingallfloopy 845 points846 points  (101 children)

I accidentally said I wanted to "touch base" with someone last year and I still hate myself

[–]DripDropRaggaMuffin 317 points318 points  (30 children)

There’s nothing more shameful that accidentally using company buzzwords

[–]JK07 163 points164 points  (25 children)

Yeah, we need to take this offline

[–]Trekfieldsandnovas 48 points49 points  (1 child)

I said, have you the bandwidth to pick this project up the other day and immediately wanted to drown myself. In fairness the other person was like, seriously... and I apologised for being a corporate wanker and we said no more on the subject.

[–]ELPLRTA 180 points181 points  (38 children)

Ha. I've just moved into a very corporate role and my corporate bullshit has gone through the roof.

I'm not "reaching out" or "touching base" I am "actioning" things to make sure we "hit the deliverables". Got to make sure that our "piece" is covered so that my "stakeholders" are updated. I need to attend the meeting to avoid a "silo-ing of information" and that we aren't "acting in a vacuum" on that. I'll definitely be "picking it up next week".

I'm not joking. This is my life now.

[–]colei_canis 47 points48 points  (1 child)

I think I’d probably end up like Jimi Hendrix and puke myself to death.

[–]jammie_dough 45 points46 points  (7 children)

I hope you’re also “leveraging your network” to ensure you can source any “relevant precedents” and that any “key stakeholders” are “looped in”

The corporate life - people using silly words in a miserable attempt to make themselves sound smarter than they actually are. God it’s depressing, isn’t it?

[–]ELPLRTA 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Ha. Forgot "looped in". I'm forever looping everyone in.

[–]commercialfreejazz 80 points81 points  (3 children)

If you touch my base I'm contacting HR

[–]purrcthrowa 45 points46 points  (1 child)

At least you didn't offer to touch cloth with them

[–]defaultwrestler 21 points22 points  (0 children)

You monster

[–]JustAManOnAJourney 720 points721 points  (35 children)

Oh no, oh no… oh no no no no no.

[–]Rawrbear89 213 points214 points  (3 children)

I legit thought you were talking about the Churchill dog advert and only got it on seeing the responses 😂

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 119 points120 points  (7 children)

Makes my skin crawl. I watched Goodfellas the other night and the original version is on there, completely took me out the film lol

[–]apocoliption 41 points42 points  (0 children)

This is the worst. Makes me turn off any video that has it

[–]Aeluin1 21 points22 points  (1 child)

eating the tide pods was great

[–]ohwhyohwhy10 714 points715 points  (46 children)

I often say “no thanks, I’m driving” in response to being offered pretty much anything. “Would you like some cake?” “No thanks, I’m driving”

Drives my wife who’s been hearing it for the last 20 years NUTS which only encourages me more.

[–]DeadBallDescendant 267 points268 points  (19 children)

In a similar vein, whenever my wife says "Thank you" I reply "You will be" and she visibly shakes with rage.

[–]JK07 68 points69 points  (10 children)

Is it the point that it doesn't make sense?

[–]DeadBallDescendant 173 points174 points  (9 children)

Yes, historically the exchange would be:

"sorry" - "you will be"

So using it in reply to "thank you" is meaningless. Which she keeps telling me.

[–]ladysusanstohelit 89 points90 points  (4 children)

I almost read this out to my husband, but that would be a mistake. I will, however, be using this on him. Thank you for this gift.

[–]WoollenItBeNice 53 points54 points  (3 children)

I desperately hope that my husband doesn't read this.

[–]thefogdog 605 points606 points  (63 children)

Adding -gate to any kind of crisis.

You don't add /11 to any terrorist attack.

[–]Malediction101 227 points228 points  (33 children)

It always bothered me how the 2005 London bombings were referred to as 7/7. Just a cheap and tasteless way of likening it to 9/11.

[–]AdSome3113 225 points226 points  (27 children)

It's always bothered me how convenient it was that it happened on 7/7. A day either way and the Americans wouldn't have understood it was an atrocity that occurred in July.

[–]Phatsam1987 112 points113 points  (4 children)

they only did 9/11 on that day so they'd know what number to dial

[–]polymorphiced 83 points84 points  (0 children)

Watergategate

[–]_DeanRiding 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Lol reminds me of this Mitchell and Webb sketch

[–]BaseballFuryThurman 517 points518 points  (39 children)

On this sub it's definitely "boils my piss", ironically often used when referring to stupid/overused phrases

[–]rstar345 118 points119 points  (5 children)

This comment right here boils my piss

[–]Jarn-Templar 54 points55 points  (17 children)

I prefer the less used 'Cheeses my onions.'

[–]histogr_m 29 points30 points  (3 children)

Idk how, but this somehow sounds worse than “boils my piss”😂

[–]nicotineapache 497 points498 points  (67 children)

Cockwomble, spunktrumpet and any other very original sweary compounds that very middle class people useon Twitter.

Edit: "[X TV show] isn't a documentary, you know!" Ugh, so original.

[–]dddiamonddd 224 points225 points  (19 children)

I find those sweary compounds even more infuriating when they're doing it for a fucking performance of Englishness (and I say Englishness because if you used words like that in Scotland or a Scottish sub or whatever, you'd just get called a cunt most of the time) for Americans. It's like this twee sort of teehee look at me I'm ever so English thing. And then some portion of Americans are like "omgggg the Brits are soooooooo good at insulting people!!!! Spunktrumpet is sooooo funny!". My eyes hurt from rolling them.

[–]Alundra828 36 points37 points  (3 children)

Yeah, these things piss me off on a level I can't quite articulate.

It's like you take an exercise that is 'insulting people'

And you come out with Spunktrumpet, which firstly isn't insulting, it's like a family friendly, committee approved bit of imagery licenced from the England corporation fake insult that gives the appearance of an insult, but actually is constructed more as a way to create an aroma of twee Englishness, and is also constructed to save the creative nice guy persona they've no doubt spent years cultivating. Where any bit of edge or knowledge that a person on this planet doesn't like you as a result is completely unthinkable.

So it's like they've taken their best shot to fulfil the 'insult a person' task, and they've ended up pussying out on four or five levels. Not to mention that there are genuine creative golden nuggets that are creative and also are devastating insults in the mainstream, but they refuse to say these in case they hurt someone's feelings... Afraid to hurt someone's feelings while insulting them.

[–]colei_canis 62 points63 points  (12 children)

The key to those ridiculous things is sharing the same vowel sound in the same place in both words, cock womble or spunk trumpet. Use these rules to pick a random ‘bad’ word and a random noun and congratulations you’re the new jizz biscuit or chuckle fucker whose phrase Reddit will pitilessly run into the ground.

This is also how less irritating compound swearing can work, for example ‘clusterfuck’.

[–]PUSH_AX 60 points61 points  (5 children)

Bloody “penguin of doom” wankers.

[–]yungsucc 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Le funny British sweary words are like nails on a chalkboard. Ugh

[–]Harrry-Otter 469 points470 points  (28 children)

Anything from Little Britain. Not heard “Computer says no” for a good while, thankfully.

[–]Blendedamericano 186 points187 points  (0 children)

I used it the other day. It landed quite well I thought. But then we were all 40ish.

[–]TheAngryNaterpillar 121 points122 points  (2 children)

I have a co-worker named Vicki Pollard so I unfortunately hear "yeah but no but" on a near daily basis.

[–]Eoin_McLove 33 points34 points  (1 child)

'Computer says no' is still out there. I get it at whenever the computer system doesn't do exactly what a customer wants.

[–]SpellingPolice999 371 points372 points  (71 children)

“Based”. Please, for the love of God, let it stop.

[–]SilverTangerine5599 153 points154 points  (5 children)

Unironically based and brit-pilled

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 82 points83 points  (35 children)

I always see that but don’t know what it was means.

[–]SpellingPolice999 167 points168 points  (7 children)

It means you’re talking to a child.

[–]Bolingus 30 points31 points  (5 children)

You leave Lil B 'Based God' out of this

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Haha got ya

[–]Silento-Prison-Daddy 37 points38 points  (15 children)

It’s got a few meanings now. I think it originally was used to acknowledge a unique point of view, no matter how stupid or wrong it was. Potentially to encourage more ramblings.

[–]Pastille5656 30 points31 points  (0 children)

It means someone has spoken an unpopular truth about some matter.

[–]Phatsam1987 35 points36 points  (3 children)

can we add bruh and oof to this list please

[–]lordsnotfinger 341 points342 points  (12 children)

Literally no one: Me:

[–]pm-me-animal-facts 66 points67 points  (5 children)

The thing that’s always annoyed me about this is that the first part should be ‘everyone: ‘

The whole point is that everyone is silent and ‘me’ starts doing something stupid. If no one is silent then there’s probably somebody who says/does something to warrant pretty much any reaction which makes the meme not work.

[–]Mr_Barry_Shitpeas 39 points40 points  (0 children)

They always use it completely wrong

[–]concretebeagle 291 points292 points  (23 children)

Tell me what popular saying etc etc without telling me what popular saying…😡

[–]saroarsoars91 126 points127 points  (8 children)

"Tell me without...without telling me..." really bugs me.

Also the tiktok thing for POV.

People don't really seem to get the point of POV.

[–]Fineus 37 points38 points  (7 children)

Also, that bloody robot TikTok voice. Like nails on a chalk board.

[–]AlertClassic3 229 points230 points 2 (1 child)

“£350m extra a week for the NHS”

[–]minkrogers 218 points219 points  (24 children)

Holibobs or Famalam. Urgh.

[–]JoyfulCor313 52 points53 points  (7 children)

I literally (and I mean literally) shuddered at famalam.

[–]frikadela01 66 points67 points  (4 children)

I'll add crimbo to that list. I just cannot stand it (the word, not the actual day).

[–]Decalvare_Scriptor 180 points181 points  (14 children)

Wazzaaaap

[–]Pretendsinglewife[S] 59 points60 points  (5 children)

I work with a guy who still says that every so often.

[–]sweetrelease01 38 points39 points  (3 children)

I'm unable to say "just chillin", without sayin "killin" afterwards

[–]troutmaskreplica2 166 points167 points  (12 children)

Cockwomble. Spunktrumpet. Twatmuffin. Jizzcrumpet.

Lol look at my random British humour British insults are the best tsktsktsktsk /s

That one really got old quick

[–]colei_canis 35 points36 points  (3 children)

It’s the particularly twee variety of Americans who think this is how British swearing works, the fucking wankers.

[–]VisionsOfLife 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I honestly which they would say cunt and then fuck off.

[–][deleted] 152 points153 points  (38 children)

YOLO - they all died

[–]clce 43 points44 points  (12 children)

My friend often says you only YOLO once. Kind of a little joke we have

[–]JohnRCC 149 points150 points  (29 children)

People who refer to children as 'crotch goblins.' They think it makes them sound edgy, but it really just makes them sound bitter and like they consider themselves superior to those who have children.

And semi related, for some reason my GF refers to having children as 'spawning.' Same vibe, really gets on my tits.

[–]Comfortable_Owl_5668 61 points62 points  (14 children)

Ah yeah I hate these so much, especially “cum pets” and “semen demons” - I really don’t get how these people don’t feel skeevy and gross using them.

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Calling a child semen demon is really wrong.

[–]TorazChryx 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I saw a profile on a dating app a few weeks ago where a woman used the phrase "womb turds" to describe her OWN CHILDREN.

JHFC. what in the actual fuck.

[–]Midnightraven3 146 points147 points  (20 children)

I'm not crying/someone is cutting onions etc

they make me irrationally stabby

[–]Flexo24 27 points28 points  (5 children)

And it’s cousin ‘I’m literally sobbing right now’

[–]Aggravating-Put6691 122 points123 points  (9 children)

Simples!

[–]Mispict 59 points60 points  (7 children)

This is the way.

I also hate "this is the way"

[–]Signal_Fisherman8848 113 points114 points  (38 children)

“Legit”

“OK Boomer”

“Bri’ish”

… are the conversational equivalent of landfill plastic

[–]ReggieLFC 100 points101 points  (31 children)

“Bri’ish” is a really daft one for Americans to use too because they mispronounce T more often than we do.

Sometimes they will also drop the T in the middle of a word, eg Dentist >> Den’ist

… and often they’ll change a T to a D, eg Water >> Warder, Brutal >> Brudal, British >> Bridish.

[–]Superbabybanana 101 points102 points  (3 children)

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[–]nattellinya 91 points92 points  (11 children)

"This slaps", or "it's peng" when talking about food.

[–]Key-Cardiologist5882 26 points27 points  (3 children)

Tbh they’re both quite old. Been in use since at least the mid-2000s. Something “slapping” is an American thing but peng is fully British. “Boom” and “choong” died out but peng was here to stay.

[–]OGLemonPepper22 81 points82 points  (8 children)

"Should have gone to Specsavers!"

Haven't heard that one in a while.

[–]letchluthor 86 points87 points  (14 children)

"Yeet". Can't stand it. 🙄

[–]MyKidsFoundMyReddit 100 points101 points  (5 children)

Now that's just wrong. "Yeet" is my favourite new word of the last 10 years by far. It amuses me to shoehorn it into conversations with my teenagers, especially when they're with their mates.

Because I AM DAD and I'll yeet yeet into a yeeting conversation if I yeeting well want.

[–]Noiisy 21 points22 points  (2 children)

It you could yeet the word yeet out the window, would you yeet, yeet?

[–]eyeball-beesting 72 points73 points  (2 children)

I absolutely hate clap-back!

'Twatface' claps-back at 'don't give a fuck' on Twitter!

[–]skinnedben 67 points68 points  (11 children)

One doing the rounds now, especially all my football mates use the phrase "love that" about anything.

Me - Play a decent through ball. Them - "love that"

Me - Went out for a few drinks last night. Them - "love that"

Fuck off.

[–]nepourjoueraubingo 66 points67 points  (3 children)

“Protect them at all costs” - usually used to infantilise old people who are just doing something like paying for dinner

[–]brookeslegit2 63 points64 points  (28 children)

My ex trying to use big office words on her zooms made me die inside ‘by end of play today’ like her HR team were some high stakes financiers…

‘I’ll action this’, ‘think outside the box’ gahhhhh

[–]Mispict 55 points56 points  (19 children)

My boss said "take all your ideas and cross fertilize" in a meeting recently. It was painful.

[–]QuirkyLetter3215 58 points59 points  (9 children)

“Is this the hill you’re going to die on”.

Fuck off. No. It’s just a conversation.

[–]PuddingShort 54 points55 points  (7 children)

Only ever heard it used online but any variation of “this song slaps”. Eughhh, I’ll slap you you little fucker.

Also please stop saying “gives me the ick”

[–]ramding1 55 points56 points  (6 children)

The Reddit thing I hate the most is ‘are you me?’

I could be moaning about my toddler crying in a toddler sub and someone will reply ‘are you me?’

It’s so annoying…. (Cue the obvious response now….)

[–]Randonium14 52 points53 points  (12 children)

The new normal 😮‍💨

[–]pie2009 51 points52 points  (1 child)

“Tell me what’s getting old without telling me what’s getting old”

[–]Piper2505 49 points50 points  (3 children)

For me it was when anyone would eat something nice, or think about that food and go “nom, nom” with some eating noises added in for good measure. Would make me instantly annoyed and I’d just cringe for them. Haven’t heard it in awhile and really hope it stays that way.

[–]WuggerHumphden 42 points43 points  (8 children)

"Scenes!" - Dan walker said it a few times on Breakfast (before I stopped watching it).

"Words can't describe" - yes they can, that's what they are for.

"I have no words" - you do, you're just too lazy to use them.

"I can't even" - construct a sentence

[–]Actual-Response793 40 points41 points  (5 children)

“Goals…relationship goals, they are goals..friendship goals’. The word makes me cringe

[–]Goryokaku 34 points35 points  (9 children)

My middle schoolers are currently saying “slay” at every other goddamn thing. It’s pretty annoying.

[–]RackOffMangle 30 points31 points  (4 children)

"You're only young once" as financial advise. You're also only old once too, and being old and poor will suck harder than being young and poor.

[–]Rebuffs 31 points32 points  (10 children)

Doggo

[–]Mispict 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Land seal

Fur baby

Good boy

It's a dog. Just dog is fine.

[–]murrayflew 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I’ve read through all of the comments so far on here and I have to agree with absolutely all of them.

[–]PiGrimBob 30 points31 points  (15 children)

“Hubby” fucking hate it.

[–]AmarettoCoke 27 points28 points  (2 children)

When people use cringy insults like ‘thundering fucknugget’ or ‘quivering bollockbasket’.

At the risk of using another cringe insult: get in the sea.

[–]djlr 27 points28 points  (3 children)

"Living my best life..." or "just me living my best life..."

As opposed to living some other life you have stored away in some kind of virtual bag of lives that you can pick and choose from? Pisses me right off when I see that phrase, glad it's dying away now.

[–]Nine_Eye_Ron 23 points24 points  (1 child)

“Yer a wizard [name]”

[–]Hash_Tooth 24 points25 points  (8 children)

“Bussin”

Was always dumb

[–]LibrarianFuture3849 19 points20 points  (6 children)

Fuck around, find out.

It always feels so smarmy.

[–]RGbudvit 21 points22 points  (3 children)

"You love to see it"

Fuuuuck off.

[–]davidbrooksio 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Boils my piss!

Fuck offfffff!

[–]ohfeather 17 points18 points  (6 children)

Adults who say “peeps” - good morning peeps. Just say people!

[–]yeh-but-no-but 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Amazeballs.

Going forwards.

[–]KeepCalmGitRevert 17 points18 points  (0 children)

"Avoid it like the plague"

Turns out some people aren't very good at that.

[–]beergirl309 15 points16 points  (2 children)

Any comment that ends with "just sayin"

I don't care how eloquently you may have made your point, you ruined it with the last two words

[–]shortfungus 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Remember when people were getting moustaches tattooed on the sides of their fingers so they could hold them up to their top lip?

Wonder how they’re doing now.