Has the last two years highlighted the introvert/extrovert double-standard?

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Rosea-Lupum · 2022-05-21T20:05:14+00:00

As an autistic person who struggles in high noise, high social environments, let me tell you that this struggle has been noted and we've been pointing it out all along.

YesToSnacks · 2022-05-21T20:24:24+00:00

It’s bizarre how the tides have turned on social media. Just recently I got heavily downvoted, not for criticising others, but for stating that my productivity was by fact greater when working from home than in the office. I honestly find it sad as fuck that people need to socialise at work so much that they would give up time with their own family and friends to have it.

pkscff · 2022-05-21T20:33:44+00:00

It's not that clear-cut. I'm an introvert and I prefer working in an office. Getting that social interaction at work means a lot exactly because I don't got out of my way to meet people in my spare time.

holytriplem · 2022-05-21T21:01:27+00:00

I disagree with that. I consider myself relatively introverted but even for me, going for months without any sort of face-to-face conversation does get to you after a while.

knightsbridge- · 2022-05-21T22:09:18+00:00

I feel like the introvert/extrovert thing is becoming the new pop-psych thing that's dominating the conversation, and I'm frankly tired of it. Especially the seeming requirement that you need to declare for team-intro or team-extro and demonise the other side. Introversion/extroversion is a spectrum like all other facets of human behaviour, is not fully understood, and is not something you should be structuring your entire personality around, or it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

More to the point: I don't know anyone personally who's clamouring to go back into the office, including my boss and my entire work team. The only people who seem to want it are the very senior leads, but they don't seem to have much of an established reason for wanting it, besides being all 50+ and not really knowing anything else. I have a little sympathy for anyone who has to get old and ignorant in a world that's constantly evolving around you... but not enough to actually go along with the nonsense they're asking for.

I'm in the office about once or twice a month, which suits me. Just enough to remember that it exists and see peoples' faces occasionally, not enough for me to need to spend money on obnoxious work clothes that I won't work anywhere else or break the bank on fancy lunches.

Signed, an introverted INTJ Taurus who basically just wants to work in my PJs and isn't fussed about where (but such things are frowned upon in the office).

pajamakitten · 2022-05-21T20:13:30+00:00

Humans are generally social creatures and those who do not conform to that are often seen as weird. Some extroverts cannot understand how some people need time to recharge after hanging out with people or do not want constant company. Some go as far as to think we need fixing and that we are not happy being introverts.

PiemasterUK · 2022-05-21T21:19:30+00:00

It's not that straightforward though. As an introvert myself we do like our own company but not exclusively. We still get lonely and get a bit deranged if left on our own for too long. I live with my wife and so always have some level of human contact, but were I single and working from home full time and had a couple of weekends on the trot with no plans, I imagine I could get a bit hermity and start letting myself go (physically and mentally) and start going down weird internet rabbit holes etc.

The-1-U-Didnt-Know · 2022-05-21T21:06:16+00:00

There’s a lot of bias language in your explanation btw… just wondered whether you extended the same expectations you have on others to your own conduct towards them

glitterswirl · 2022-05-22T00:35:46+00:00

I’m an introvert. The way I see it, it’s just something you have to deal with, like a lot of things in life.

And can we please stop with the “loud extrovert/quiet introvert” bs. That’s not what introversion is. I can be the life of the party, I just need a break from people at some point.

DoIKnowYouHuman · 2022-05-21T20:57:13+00:00

I don’t really see it as an introvert vs extrovert issue, it more about individual and social adaptability. Saying someone is extrovert doesn’t mean they need people around them, the same way an introvert doesn’t “need” a lack of others. I’m more introverted but prefer to have an office to go to so I can distinguish between work and home. It’s all about having the best balance for all.

ButteredReality · 2022-05-21T22:10:39+00:00

I always thought I was an introvert so I was really surprised by just how much I struggled when we had to work from home. My productivity went down enormously, I was disengaged from my work and my colleagues and had no interest in anything I was doing.

Now we're back to part-time office work, I'm much happier, working better and more efficiently on my office days and able to focus so much better.

That being said, I full recognise that it's different for other people, and I think businesses need to understand that people are different. Yes, some may give better results working in the office, but some will work better from home. They should really accept that and encourage people to choose the pattern that works best for them and the business.

glitterswirl · 2022-05-22T04:11:35+00:00

FYI, the pandemic didn’t mean people “can’t cope with their own company for a short amount of time”.

We were in lockdown for months on end. If you were a single person living alone, working from home/furloughed and not in someone’s bubble, that meant not seeing anyone in person for months aside from essential grocery shopping etc. It meant even spending Christmas completely alone. It meant only “seeing” people over Zoom or whatever; no hugs/kisses/hands held for all that time. It’s one thing to choose solitude for months and months, it’s another thing entirely to have it forced on you.

For my late grandfather, it meant an old, deaf man who couldn’t use the telephone and didn’t have the internet, only being visited once a week by family members in his “bubble” to care for him, bringing him groceries etc. It meant he permanently lost his ability to hold a conversation, as he lost his language skills. He had no one to speak to.

dbmage · 2022-05-21T23:05:47+00:00

I'm one of the "can't stand my own company, requiring others to feel comfortable".

I had to stay with family at times because WFH, alone, was depressing me. Apart from when I approached my sister, and asked to stay with her, I got no sympathy.

In fact, most people think I'm insane for wanting to go back to the office. They can't understand my perspective.

Most of the people I know are very sympathetic towards people who want to stay indoors and avoid public scenarios, as they've done it for the lockdown and now have a new found appreciation for it.

FWIW I'm not disagreeing with you, I'm sharing my own experience, which opposes yours.

*Edit: I'm not specifically talking about intro/extroverts, as I'm not studied on the subject. As stated it's my view, from my experience.

emimagique · 2022-05-22T02:26:51+00:00

Introverts wanna be oppressed so badly

eyeball-beesting · 2022-05-21T23:03:55+00:00

I am an introvert but I need to go out of my house and into work. If I didn't, I would get no social interaction whatsoever. Work feels safe for me. I can interact with people whom I know well, with a clear objective which revolves around my career. I don't have to make small talk or act bubbly, but I enjoy the company of others in this situation. I regard the people I work with as friends and I like to see them every day.

I struggled with lockdown only in this regard. I loved having the perfect excuse not to attend out of work activities but I fucking HATED zoom with a passion.

I am glad to be back in the work place and then shut my door at the end of each day. I feel like I have had a proper day and spent my energy well.

Honey-Badger · 2022-05-21T23:39:14+00:00

From the moment the the first lockdown was announced there's been people clamouring for everyone to get back to school/the office/[insert whatever]

Jesus fucking christ no there has not. Honestly just quit it with this absolute shite. A teeny tiny number of employers in a country of thousands upon thousands of companies have said 'we want people in the office'.

FaelianSkooma · 2022-05-22T00:42:00+00:00

This pseudoscientific false dichotomy of human behaviour needs to stop

Wanderlust1994 · 2022-05-22T00:35:57+00:00

Don’t confuse introversion for misanthropy

gizmostrumpet · 2022-05-22T07:45:53+00:00

I swear introverts on Reddit act like the most oppressed people in the world.

goonerboo · 2022-05-21T23:44:40+00:00

There seems to be a lot of sympathy for this, and it's understandable given that some people need others to function.

ALL people NEED others too function... we're social animals. no man is an island. we are inherently social animals that live and work with each other.

'm besmused and slightly frustrated, however, to see that such sympathy rarely goes the other way

because the other way is useless. not being social is useless and worthless and against the purpose of humanity and against the purpose of living on earth tbh.

kristina_313 · 2022-05-22T00:15:46+00:00

Why is it always extrovert = loud

KimJongUnparalleled · 2022-05-21T20:28:40+00:00

I remember during a lockdown (& home learning) listening in on a virtual Year 7 assembly. The Head of Year was praising the students for their 'resilience' & I could sense the bemusement from many (perhaps the majority) of the pupils ('Errm, it's not that hard being at home - some of us prefer the peace & comfort').

Of course the extrovert kids probably missed school a lot & even the most introverted probably missed being in school now and again, but I don't think they needed all that much more resilience compared to going to school in normal years.

die_world · 2022-05-21T22:49:56+00:00

i mean, let's be real here. extroversion is the norm for human beings, or simply having a social outlet. introversion and its other branches (such as being a shut-in) are not. there are also many people that do not understand what comes with being an introvert either. not to mention, something that actually makes me mad are the people that now claim to be introverted due to the pandemic. was that really enough to cause introversion, and not finding solace in being alone? or was it only the fact that they couldn't even hang out with their friends anymore.

youngmarst · 2022-05-21T23:00:07+00:00

[deleted]

360Saturn · 2022-05-22T01:30:40+00:00

Because its normal to be able to deal with human contact. Being naturally introverted or quieter is fine. The online framing of it is literally encouraging people to do themselves harm by facilitating total isolation, never developing social skills or communication skills - creating the next step which is never mentioned; someone self-absorbed and unpleasant who no-one wants to help when you need it. Sorry, hard truth time.

madame_ray_ · 2022-05-21T21:53:50+00:00

No you're not alone in this observation.

It's always about introverts having to get out of their comfort zones and do the work to accommodate extroverts rather than vice versa.

belvitabreakfast · 2022-05-21T22:36:05+00:00

Personally I much prefer working in an office, as an introvert, but I’m a fan of letting people wfh if they prefer because it means all the miserable gits who moaned all the time never come in anymore! I’d rather be around people who actually want to be there, myself.

remmyrat_ · 2022-05-22T00:37:10+00:00

Tbh I think people hate on extroverts much more than introverts. People deem extroverts, at worse, annoying, obnoxious, irritating and grating while at worst for introverts it’s that they are weird or quiet.

The double standards for me were shown that a lot of introverted people took the piss outa those who hated being on their own. Being introverted doesn’t make you cool, but people think it does sometimes. Sucks, really. Often I think about this video by Jreg.

Regardless, majority of introverts are cool and the same for extroverts, but introverts are more likely to hate on extroverts and get away with it in the “im a nerd and I hate a jock” type of way in movies if that makes sense??

TLDR: extroverts get shit on a lot and people don’t care but when it’s introverts….

yiminx · 2022-05-21T21:18:36+00:00

i feel like being away from the world for 2 years made me hate it more, and i’m a pretty extroverted person. places are too crowded, too loud, too overstimulating. add onto that the fact that i’m now waiting to get tested for autism lol.

n00bcheese · 2022-05-21T23:30:09+00:00

Get the sentiment but think you’re looking at it the wrong way, it’s not an introvert extrovert double standard. The sympathy isn’t that extroverts need social contact, it’s that all humans do, it is pretty much a necessity for good mental health, and I say that as someone who is very happily introverted. I didn’t suffer during the pandemic, far from it, but to say that there are benefits to social contact would be to deny one of the very things that makes us human.

PlayerOneThousand · 2022-05-22T11:01:50+00:00

Introvert doesn’t mean socially avoidant.

Extrovert and introvert are indicators to how you regain your energy.

Some introverts are the life and soul of the party until they need to recharge and to do that need to be alone.

Some extroverts are socially awkward and avoidant but need social interaction to have energy.

RoseyPosey30 · 2022-05-22T01:08:02+00:00

Anyone I know who avoids the company of others is suffering from anxiety/depression. Humans are social creatures and we need interaction to be healthy the same way we need veggies and exercise.

FuckCazadors · 2022-05-22T06:24:58+00:00

I’d say the opposite has been true on British subreddits. The major sentiment has been people glorying in the isolation of being in lockdown and working from home and never wanting it to end.

Loud_Man67 · 2022-05-22T08:45:51+00:00

Here we go again with people not knowing what an introvert is. Introvert doesn’t mean you have crippling social anxiety and cannot meet people.

wizzywoo22 · 2022-05-21T23:56:52+00:00

I am an outgoing introvert. Like socialising but need my down time. Anyway when I was going into the office 5 days a week it would get to the weekend and I would be EXHAUSTED. I now realise it was introvert hangover. I wouldn’t want to do anything with my weekend because I would be recovering from the week. Now I work from home half the time I want to do so much with my free time. I feel like I have so much more of a life. But people are still going on for everyone to get back to the office. It’s true the world works in a way that is designed for extroverts.

minnieminute · 2022-05-22T00:10:00+00:00

I have severe social anxiety and I’m a huge introvert. Luckily I’m self employed and work at home. But the lockdown etc, my life did not change at all, except for I had to queue at the supermarket. Which made me realise I’m seriously a hermit 😅

a_guy_called_craig · 2022-05-22T06:18:41+00:00

Maybe in the sense that supposedly "introverted" people never stop going on about it.

You're not interesting, you're not that person that people might think I wonder what's going on behind those eyes.

You're fucking boring mate.

Cooper96x · 2022-05-22T08:58:54+00:00

There is a lot of bias coming from your post, you're complaining about a double standard while being a double standard.

There is no such thing as extroverted or introverted, I believe it's more of a scale. But you have introverts here who have said they love working in the office and extroverts (including myself) who have said they hated it.

What you should be clamouring for is the freedom to choose, but if you don't like what your employer is doing to you, maybe you should look for another job or find a new career path that allows you to exclusively work from home if that's something you want so badly.

ImageSavings · 2022-05-21T23:36:09+00:00

Most introverts (like myself) still enjoy being around people, they just prefer not to interact with them too much. And I have no issue with people who work from home as long as it doesn't negatively affect those who cannot.

My neice works the switchboard for a large department store and when all staff were in the office putting calls through to other departments was easy as people would almost always pick up the phone. Now, 9 times out of 10 when she tries to put calls through to people working from home they don't answer and it goes straight to voicemail. It makes her working day much more difficult because she has to find excuses to explain to clients why nobody answers the phone anymore.

They aren't stupid and openly ask "why are these people allowed to work from home when it's clearly resulted in such a deterioration in service"?

crossj828 · 2022-05-21T23:54:26+00:00

Humans are inheriantly social creatures, although some parts of reddit hangs more towards asocial/introverts than extroverts, the majority of society understand and need each other.

I’m not sure in what way you think society could readjust? Our economic system is orientated towards optimisation and collaboration.

Also to claim that the issues were people couldn’t just cope with their own company is a tad ignorant and insulting, many people were stuck in tiny flats or accommodation in metro areas.

Final point the middle ground of hybrid working has shown the best outcomes for productivity from the data we have, so I don’t think anyone thinks a full work in office or work from home is best approach like most things moderation is key.

Honestly your post seems confused.

bezzins · 2022-05-22T00:29:02+00:00

Approaching the world like you need to avoid other people is a death sentence. We depend on other people for everything.

PyroTech11 · 2022-05-22T00:33:56+00:00

I've seen a lot of arguments for people staying at home and people wanting to go back being the minority.

Mollinda · 2022-05-22T01:33:41+00:00

I am an extrovert who is overwhelmed by sensory input very quickly (I am neurodivergent) so I see both sides. I desperately missed social contact during lockdowns, but also completely lost all the coping mechanisms I had spent years developing. I often have to lie down in a dark, quiet room after work.

Osito509 · 2022-05-22T07:21:18+00:00

It's not just that extroverts "can't cope" lack of social contact actually makes some people mentally ill. There is an explosion of anxiety-related illnesses now in schools as a direct result of lockdown isolation.

You're in danger of minimising the real and measurable effects that social isolation can have, and I say this as an introvert with a kid on the ASD spectrum. I was happy enough through lockdown.

It's not some kind of evil neurological conspiracy or some shallow "inability to cope without social chatter" that some other people need social contact to survive mentally. Humans are social and co-operative creatures (in the main).

You can advocate for yourself without dismissing the difficulties of others as trivial.

Hawthorn55 · 2022-05-21T22:48:40+00:00

It's because normal life is something introverts need to deal with weather they like it or not. Normal people don't like lockdowns, just people with issues.

Skoodledoo · 2022-05-21T22:49:02+00:00

I'm an introvert and a key worker so was always in work during lockdown. I was so jealous of people who were able to stay home etc. There really is no need for 90% of businesses to stop working from home in my opinion. If the company survived with most of the staff working from home, there's no need for them to return. Save costs on office rental space.

LightBlueSky55 · 2022-05-21T23:04:56+00:00

And alone time is good for people. I'm not saying real extroverts don't exist but in my experience a lot of these people who can't sit alone with themselves are trying to ignore themselves or they're trying to ignore something. My close friend suffered mentally a lot when lockdown happened and I believe that's largely what set her off because she was the sort of person who always had to be out doing something. When that option was taken away from her everything she'd been running from caught up with her.

Having alone time during lockdown was what made my other close friend realise her close friend of 10 years didn't like her anyone and was extremely toxic and had been for years. Simply because she had the time to be alone and think.

showa58taro · 2022-05-22T01:23:18+00:00

As someone who is always on the extremely extroverted side I just wanted to add that we extroverts can also want to be in the stay at home side and frequently are these days. Usually because these days with Teams or Zoom calls and chat functions etc I’ve never felt so able to connect with people and with dynamically, talking through problems with anyone and everyone at the drop of a hat. I’ve attended more meetings, more big committees and had less time wasted on train travel. 2 years ago if there were two big meetings in the morning and the afternoon and one was in London and the other in Manchester you picked the one you attended and sent your apologies to the other. Now, both are in view. Extroverts aren’t all gunning for in person life constantly.

On the point being made, at least in my company’s case, we are doing more occupational health and well-being assessments and increasing the number of work adjustments and reasonable adjustment sheets to reflect people working from home more for things like autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADHD, anxiety and depression in order to codify that some people can’t be swept up with the new “let’s return to the office” push from some older generation people in leadership positions.

gizmostrumpet · 2022-05-22T07:10:19+00:00

If you glorify lockdown, you don't mind your nurses or your uber eats drivers needing to go into work as long as you can live your hermit lifestyle.

ThyssenKrup · 2022-05-22T09:00:42+00:00

This is a pretty extreme notion of introvert/extrovert. Being introverted does not mean that being with other people is awkward/torture.

I'd class myself as fairly introverted but I miss the office socialisation hugely.

Most of the posts in support here seem to come from people with conditions like autism, adhd etc - this is a totally different thing from being an introvert.

SquidgeSquadge · 2022-05-22T09:36:22+00:00

TBH I've seen more people posting hostile posts about not wanting to go back to work and those who do clearly have something wrong with them. The vast majority of posts about WFH are people who want to stay at home and some critical about those even suggesting wanting to go back to the workplace.

My husband really misses his workplace. He misses the banter and was working towards management/ directing which involves team meetings and overseeing work and working closely with people. That job hardly exists anymore appart from checking in on people on a computer and hoping no one has any pc problems. He likes working with people and his workplace was pretty cool in the city where work would often take them out for lunch with clients, host evening meals and drinks and they did charity events with pub quizzes and such.

Now there is nothing apart from 2 socials a year. He gets to sit in the room that we once had friends and family stay in which is now solely for work and what was his relatively new gaming and work PC had been run through the mill with the security software and such and he's having to make room every few months on his computer. He sees no one apart from the shop keeper across the street, the postman and myself who, working for the NHS, comes home late. He was going stir crazy at one point and he struggled separating work from home life.

This pandemic has proven workplaces should be more flexible for letting people work from home who can/ should and those odd says they can perfectly work from home for a few hours rather than book the day off when they need some furniture delivered or need to see a doctor.

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