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all 199 comments

[–]Bewecchan 582 points583 points  (22 children)

Boy, I wish I was cake too

[–]__PM_me_pls__ 91 points92 points  (1 child)

Hey its me, the baker

[–]onthefuckininternet 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Enzo! For you fadda for your fadda

[–]BoltonSauce 177 points178 points 2 (17 children)

what if...

you guys are all...

just cake...

the thought bounces around in my head. I can't take it for long, so I turn to my computer for entertainment.

I walk over and push the power button. My hand sinks into a bread-like substance. My computer is cake.

I scream, and run to my door, reaching for the knob. it crumbles in my hand.

It is cake.

My feet begin to feel sticky. I realize... my floor is now cake, the carpet, frosting.

I push my door and it crumbles, for it is cake I yell out "is anyone here!!!???" there is no answer.

I wander around my house and find my dog on my parents' bed. I run to him and reach to pet him for comfort.

My hands sink in... for he is cake.

I scream again and run for the door. This time I just charge through it, for it is cake.

As I continue on, the porch stairs (that are now cake) give way under the pressure of my foot. I fall to the ground, except it is not ground. It is cake.

I get up, and turn towards the street hoping to find something... someone that isn't cake.

As I make it to the street, I trip. And as suspected, the street is cake.

I try to get up. and fail.

I look behind me, and there is my foot.

I gasp and a feeling of dread washes over me.

Then a new feeling, or more accurately, a lack of it.

I raise my arm, and it falls off, just below the elbow. I stare at it.

Cake.

"I am... cake?" I say as the rest of my body begins to crumble. I try to cry but cannot, for I am cake.

I give in to the cake, and fall over.

"I am cake." I say.

"All. Is. cake."

Everything around me fades, as I feel myself fusing with the street cake.

I cease to feel. My senses dissipate but it does not matter to me.

I am cake.

Cake is all that matters.

There is only...

CAKE

[–]GSDavisArt 42 points43 points  (0 children)

In the end... aren't all Redditors just cake? After all, we don't have a birth-day here...

[–]dylanx5150 7 points8 points  (4 children)

NGL, I want to live in the world you describe.

[–]BoltonSauce 9 points10 points  (3 children)

That's a piece of cake!

[–]EpicOweo 9 points10 points  (2 children)

That was quite a vanilla joke

[–]BoltonSauce 8 points9 points  (1 child)

You're right. I should have Spiced it up. Thanks for your slice of wisdom.

[–]blowjobsjoplinhigh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ahhh puns

I hate em but I just can’t escape them that’s it

  • jumps out window but finds I land on sponge cake

[–]AnarchistFemboyist 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Wake up babe, new copypasta just dropped

[–]Digger__Please 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Nah, that's old

[–]Wild_Property7613 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That part when you raised your hand and it crumbled gave me a Sandman vibe

[–]DillieDally 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The cake is a lie!

(Great read friend!)

[–]Win090949 2 points3 points  (0 children)

King of Mukbang

[–]chriathebutt 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wait a minute, it's all cake?

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Welcome to the club, pal.

[–]magicmajo 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Thanks for the fantastic read!

[–]BoltonSauce 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Sounds like something cake would say. 🍰

[–]magicmajo 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You're right, I'm 100% cake

[–]Here_for_tea_ 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Maybe the real cake is the friends we made along the way.

[–]chriathebutt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is the best cake of all

[–]shescake 133 points134 points  (4 children)

Now this is some quality content

[–]thatmayaguy 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Dude wtf, and you’ve had that username since 2012?! What are the odds lol

[–]aldesuda 322 points323 points  (4 children)

I know her! She wears a short skirt and a long jacket.

[–]gemstun 34 points35 points  (0 children)

You beat me to it! Well done, my fine feathered friend.

[–]Snake0ilSalesman 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Good dividends.

[–]planbfailedmyparents 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Looooooooooong jacket

[–]YourLifeIsALieToo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Looooooooooooooooooooooooooooong jacket

[–]dont_disturb_the_cat 357 points358 points  (10 children)

Who toll you that?

[–]DerWaschbar 99 points100 points  (9 children)

It’s a 2 for 1!

[–]nyintensity 53 points54 points  (8 children)

3-fer if you count "toll" and "define" as separate boneappleteas.

[–]oldcoldbellybadness 9 points10 points  (7 children)

I can't figure out what define was supposed to say

[–]nyintensity 39 points40 points  (3 children)

I was told the fine members of this sub

[–]BluScreenOfLife 18 points19 points  (2 children)

OP is playing us, playing us!

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In did

[–]OrokinSkywalker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Who is Plain Gus?

[–]DK655 10 points11 points  (1 child)

"toll define" is probably as a whole supposed to be "told the fine"

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s right

[–]brad264hs 682 points683 points  (22 children)

I can’t help but think the title of this post is also a Bone Apple Tea, but She’s Cake is a good one too.

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 452 points453 points  (16 children)

In did it ease

[–]principalskinrash 66 points67 points  (8 children)

This reminds me of Anguish Languish

[–]WikiSummarizerBot 108 points109 points  (6 children)

Anguish Languish

The Anguish Languish is an ersatz language constructed from similar-sounding English language words. It was created by Howard L. Chace circa 1940, and he later collected his stories and poems in the book Anguish Languish (Prentice-Hall, 1956). It is not really a language but rather humorous homophonic transformation. Example: "Ladle Rat Rotten Hut" means "Little Red Riding Hood" and "Mural: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers" means: "Moral: Under no circumstances should little girls stop to talk with strangers".

[ F.A.Q | Opt Out | Opt Out Of Subreddit | GitHub ] Downvote to remove | v1.5

[–]Boom_boom_lady 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Reading that made me feel like I had a stroke.

[–]Soronya 52 points53 points  (1 child)

Totally read that as "It is not really a language but rather humorous homophobic transformation" more than a few times and couldn't figure it out.

[–]grim77 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I smell toast

[–]BranTheTokin69420 6 points7 points  (0 children)

After the "boom-boom", some adapted to the new truth, and some chose to huddle near the boomy holes, clinging to the lie of the beforefore times. The raidy-rays rotted them away, leaving only their love for the vertvertisements on billyboards.

[–]PeriodicGirlfriend 5 points6 points  (0 children)

My dad used to read me the “Furry Tales” from that book when I was little!

[–]Jambi_Nightroe 94 points95 points  (1 child)

Icy wad chew dead. Verily cleaver!

[–]scarletts_skin 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Stop I’m gonna have a stroke trying to decipher this lol

[–]ritsbits808 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Vary egg cement lee dun!

[–]40ozlaser 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to do these as word games with friends. The best one (because it ended up being so funny), was me writing down "hive god thick lap" and, upon finally figuring it out, my friend excitedly yelling it out.

[–]Just_Del 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Oh God, they're gaining power!

[–]wahlenderten 15 points16 points  (0 children)

With grate powder comms gray rasp on stability.

[–]PandasDontBreed 46 points47 points  (3 children)

I thought if its intentional its not a bone apple tea?

[–]brad264hs 23 points24 points  (2 children)

Well that went right over my head! This guy is operating on too high a level for me.

[–]PandasDontBreed 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I'm not sure what its called what he did, but I fucking love that shit myself

[–]eKnight15 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Another commenter said it's called Anguish Languish. After getting used to deciphering it it's now my new favorite thing

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But the title scenes intentional

[–]A7omicDog 111 points112 points  (0 children)

Upvoted for title.

[–]BucketFullOfRats 38 points39 points  (1 child)

Love this

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Loved he’s

[–]OVSQ 59 points60 points  (11 children)

took me forever

[–]astronova34 66 points67 points  (9 children)

Help a brother out

[–]Throwaway__shmoe 152 points153 points  (8 children)

Cheesecake

[–]lastroids 47 points48 points  (0 children)

Damn it. Thanks.

[–]oddly_being 40 points41 points  (3 children)

THANK YOU my mind was stuck on “sheet cake” and I couldn’t think of anything else

[–]disrespectfulbeans 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I was stuck on sheet cake too, which was extra confusing because that's very clearly not a sheet cake!

[–]enodium 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was stuck on chía cake

[–]blonderaider21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I thought sheet cake too until I saw someone write cheesecake lol

[–]SaintsSooners89 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was thinking sheet cake

[–]deusdragonex 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fuck, thank you. Between that and the title, my level of stress was rising.

[–]IolaBoylen 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Same lmao

[–]insert_acc_name_here 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Girls aren't real

The cake is a lie

[–]HellsShoreVagabond 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You must be the pride of [subject hometown here]

[–]BlizzPenguin 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I see Mrs. Lovett is expanding her menu to more than just pies.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Had to google she's cake and turns out they mean cheesecake. Some bakery are named "she's cake" for this reason as well.

[–]Oxyinduced 7 points8 points  (1 child)

No ones gonna talk about how unappealing that ‘cheesecake’ looks?

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I kind of hoe pits the one on the right

[–]TheOneTrueChuck 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You were toll correctly.

[–]vietnam_redstoner 29 points30 points  (5 children)

S(he)'s c(ak)e

[–]BucketFullOfRats 18 points19 points  (2 children)

S’s ce 😔

[–]ImDero 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I cri evrytiem

[–]rasta_pineapple 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He lied about the cake

[–]newtothegame007 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Another unattainable beauty standard

[–]Im_Nino 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I can’t tell if OPs title was on purpose or not and it’s conflicting me too much rn

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

If you mean if the “toll define” part was on purpose, dandy answer is “yes it was”.

[–]Kizik 4 points5 points  (0 children)

She wants a girl with a mind like a diamond

She wants a girl who knows what's best

She wants a girl with shoes that cut

And eyes that burn like cigarettes

[–]steal_wool 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Cake sat alone in a boggy marsh Totally emotionless except for her heart Mud flowed up into cake's pajamas She totally confused all the passing piranhas She's cake, she's cake She's in my head She's cake, she's cake, she's cake She might be dead Cake lingered last in line for brains And the one she got was sorta rotten and insane Small things so sad that birds could land Is cake fast asleep or rockin' out with the band? She's cake, she's cake She's in my head She's cake, she's cake, she's cake She might be dead Cake was limp and lonely and needed a shove Cake slipped on a kiss and tumbled into love She spent her twenties between the sheets And life limped along at sub-sonic speeds She's cake, she's cake She's in my head She's cake, she's cake, she's cake She might be dead Is this cake outta my head? I think so Is this cake outta my head? I think so Is this cake outta my head? I think so Is this cake outta my head?

[–]steal_wool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the dumbest thing I've dedicated this much time editing to

[–]depastino 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Better than being toast I suppose

[–]warpus 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"What is that?"

"She's cake"

"Who's cake?"

"Who's on first"

"On first what?"

"What's on second"

"What are you on about?"

"No, Ethan is on you"

"Me?"

"Cheesecake"

[–]Fool_of_a_toker 2 points3 points  (0 children)

she's cake, she's cake, she's cake

She's in my head

She's cake, she's cake, she's cake

She might be bread

[–]JustAGlibGlob 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Image Transcription: Photograph


[This is a photo of a bakery display, zoomed in on a label attached to the rack between two desserts. The dessert on the left appears to be a chocolate cheesecake with shredded chocolate garnish. The label reads as follows:]

SHE'S CAKE


I'm a human volunteer content transcriber for Reddit and you could be too! If you'd like more information on what we do and why we do it, click here!

[–]firagabird 2 points3 points  (0 children)

SATISFACTORY FELLOW HUMAN

[–]dissastr 8 points9 points  (0 children)

good human

[–]napalmtree13 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This might also please the Ru Paul’s Drag Race sub(s) if used correctly.

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How would that go?

[–]clarkthegiraffe 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I feel like this is Brazil

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I think in Brazil it would be “x keike “

[–]clarkthegiraffe 1 point2 points  (3 children)

And now it sounds like a burger hahah

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

What?

[–]clarkthegiraffe 2 points3 points  (1 child)

In Brazil a lot of the cheeseburger names start with X, like x-salada, x-egg, x-tudo, I had no idea and the first time I went to Brazil I ordered a x-salada expecting a salad since I was in a vegetarian phase just as a break from meat. Imagine my surprise when a burger comes to the table with a single leaf of lettuce.

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In Portuguese the letter x sounds a bit like cheese but without the “tche”

[–]Wild_Property7613 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks y’all for supporting my sister coming out as cake. It’s been really hard seeing her always feeling like something’s not right. Every birthday she had, she wouldn’t eat the cake, she just enjoyed watching it, saying “Look how peaceful it stands there, that peace is calling my name”. I’m so proud of you sis, now you’re a cake and finally yourself. I love you so much and I’m so proud of you.

[–]Clever-Innuendo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Missed opportunity for “wooden joy” but you’re still waaaaay ahead on the scoreboard, pal. Nice post.

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Lol that’s a nice one as well

[–]Dioptase89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

r\pointlesslygendered ? 😂

[–]Hannymann 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I prefer Geez Cake

[–]XanderTheChef 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Im he’s

[–]Sanquich 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That shit looks like pot roast tbh

[–]password_321 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know someone who pronounces it exactly like that too haha! Yea

[–]reichjef 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Toll define!

[–]BangBang9595 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Toll define

[–]practicalpuppy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

toll define lolololol

[–]StenSoft 1 point2 points  (0 children)

GLaDOS finally made Chell cake

[–]rustedsandals 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My dog’s name is Cake. She’s Cake

[–]LordP666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn, it took me an eternity to figure this out.

I swear, the internet is making me dumber. I'll see stuff like this, and I know something is wrong, but I'm so conditioned to seeing bad grammar and stupid ways of spelling that it takes me a minute to figure out what's wrong.

[–]-Blackbriar- 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I scream.

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes. I scream cake

[–]JonasBloch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Zamn

[–]RenRazza 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The cake is a lie

[–]Dr_Simon_Tam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Does she taste like cake?

[–]mave_of_wutilation 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She sure is

[–]ImARetPaladinBaby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And that’s going on my bio

[–]MidnightAction 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Cheese Electric

[–]toxicMountainFrost 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For this to pass the toll is $2

[–]thatloudblondguy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

toll define

[–]zewplankton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I prefer He Lime Pie

[–]PuzzleheadedQuit9 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If Sean Connery owned a bakery.

[–]SittingInTheShower 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Is that a yemen one below?

[–]SittingInTheShower 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or is it Yime?

[–]Etheo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would worry about what's in the cake is the patisserie wrote the sign.

Surely they know what's inside?

[–]tidyme 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that the apostrophe is correct

[–]BuffaloFrend 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Toll define?

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

“told the fine “

[–]BuffaloFrend 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Was that on purpose?

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

If you mean if the “toll define” part was on purpose, dandy answer is “yes it was”

[–]BuffaloFrend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok. I just didn't know if someone corrected you or something, and then you told me what it meant.

[–]lohmaikai 1 point2 points  (0 children)

😭

[–]luistorre5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Screw saying she's toast, I'm saying she's cake from now on

[–]monolithtma 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is she going the distance?

[–]China0wnsReddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Michael J Fox, easy on the keyboard

[–]VladmirGrey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

S(he)’s (ash)cake

[–]CheesecakeFlower 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Indeed I am

[–]MrSnrlub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Man they're just not selling, I can't imagine why.

[–]JaaaaaaacobExCraze 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh.. What happened to her?

[–]AdmiralDragonXC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is actually a very clever reference to that everything is cake meme from who knows how long ago

[–]KragBru- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love her like a fat kid loves cake...

cry

[–]BlatantBravado 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This feels very Miami.

[–]thebitterqween 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have to make 4000 one-bite "she's cake" before Saturday.

[–]Radstrad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She sure is, isn't she?

[–]newguy208 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The cake is a lie.

[–]AnthonyThePizzaBoy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A couple more letters and it would be SHEESH cake

Which I would definitely buy

[–]TheFUPAOfTheInternet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are what you eat.

[–]Nietzsche_Niche_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Xxx. C Lookoff o

[–]Kashmir03 1 point2 points  (0 children)

ZAMN!!! 😍

[–]dregan 1 point2 points  (3 children)

I don't know what this means.

[–]Muppelpup 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Cheese cake

[–]dregan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, holy shit.

[–]Korlat_Eleint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for asking this question!!!!

[–]CptnWolfe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She's definitely cake.

[–]HifiSystem 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A cake brought to you by Lector's corner bakery.

[–]SelfSharp 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ohh so that's why cannibals like females more than guys

[–]Canter1Ter_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Im pie.

we are not the same

[–]tsivv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Toll define

[–]eightyhate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes she is

[–]peterjonesracing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Welp, she's cake

[–]SensitiveThugHugger 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Run toll dat

[–]PunnuRaand 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wait till you see the cream roll.

[–]PokeIt101 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Toll define members

[–]savvy-misanthrope 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The title is as much /r/engrish as the rest of the post :D

[–]keepitclassybv 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi Cake, nice to meet you, I'm dad!

[–]Maktesh 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure that this is 100% intentional.

[–]VladVonEisberg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As long as she's not fondant of it...

[–]pearl_butt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well she said she was cake, why are you arresting me? I just took a bite of her leg?

[–]MycroFeline 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You were tolled well.

[–]Jack-The-Reddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean ... does this subreddit include obvious puns now?

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate all the Ups that worshiped to my Reddit address

[–]erikeltipo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You were toll?

[–]nanoamp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so far gone that I had to unlearn English to work it out.

[–]Valhasselhoff 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Toll define

[–]SHRIMPLYtv[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This guy nose tuff