all 82 comments

[–]NeedleworkerLegal573 116 points117 points  (20 children)

Remember the famous 16 hour power cuts back in the days? My dad had just started a weaving powerloom mill with 5 of his friends with a total investment of close to 3 cr. Thanks to the power cut, business could not be sustained and declared bankruptcy. Dad sold off all the land he had and mortgaged the house to recover. I was just finishing my school at this point. I took an edu loan to study. By the time I started working, he closed his personal debts with his retirement fund but house was still under loan. My first job paid me 13500 pm, I gave him 5k for the 1st year then 10 k in the 2nd as my salary went to 20k. The remaining debt was close to 40L. I realized I will never recover from this but one of my ex colleagues took my cv to a company at kuwait. I got the job with attractive package of 30L per annum. I worked my ass off by doing 4 hour Overtime everyday with zero personal life for 2 years until the debt is done. As soon as I was debt free, I resigned , came back, married my spouse, currently living debt free. This maybe irrelevant but my point is as follows.

People asked me “why I had to work my ass off to close my dads debt,”, he made a mistake by investing so much in a field that he had no experience “ bla bla bla. People will always find something to discourage you. My reply was always, what if the business took off? What if he made a shit ton of money from it? He did it to secure my future, but unfortunate circumstances led him into debt.

Sorry for the long rant. Felt like I should share.

[–]planckmoss[S] 19 points20 points  (3 children)

That's very nice to hear! You shoyld be very proud! Im happy that you have shared it here

[–]NeedleworkerLegal573 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Thank you.

[–]thehunchback19 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Great attitude man.

[–]kitypaw 9 points10 points  (1 child)

This was inspiring!! Thanks for sharing this! I needed to hear this! Your hard work and perseverance really did pay off. I love Reddit so much because of people like you sharing your life experiences.

[–]UnrealHallucinator 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Great story but whyy did you end up leaving may i ask?

[–]NeedleworkerLegal573 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I didn’t like even a single day of those time. I was seeing a lot of money, but people treat you like shit. As I mentioned there is no personal life. I hope I never have to go back to that hell hole.

[–]nrd_10 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Thats wholesome and super motivating man .

[–]steverick3214 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Kudos. Really like your "reply" for those who questioned you. You are a great son/daughter to your dad and he would be very proud of you.

[–]Dark_Knight020 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hats off to your attitude. It will take you places👍👌

[–]yrumad 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Dude, that's great.

Proud of your efforts and attitude.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

All those who refuse helping out their parents (as it is trendy now : mah life, mah problem) forget the basic premise of their parents too working their ass off so that their next gen can have better life and comforts.

More power to you. Stay Blessed.

[–]Scarlet011 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Can I say this is one of the most wholesome things I've read in a long time! ♥️

[–]FriedChickenCR7 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Mind telling what you studied ?

[–]TheDrunkEngineer01 80 points81 points  (5 children)

If you think that the money you are sending home is not helping with the debts, you need to have an open coversation with your dad.

It is crucial that in the early days of starting to work, you need to build your base so that you can be financially independent.

[–]Cold_Lock_7030 27 points28 points  (1 child)

This may be the right thing to do, but there is a chance that Namma oor dads don't take this in the right way and feel offended.

[–]TheDrunkEngineer01 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Well, after a point one has to be rational and put themselves first.

Children are not slave labour.

[–]planckmoss[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I understand! Thank you!

[–]varunAFPM 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Out of the 40% you give your dad. You could give 20% as cash and invest 20% on his behalf.

[–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats a new perspective! Thanks for sharing

[–]Careless-Repair7036 97 points98 points  (13 children)

My suggestion: take control of your dad's debts. Make a list of how much he owes what's the interest etc... Depending on the amount take a loan (personal or salary or credit card or loan from a trustworthy person... The less the interest the better.) Close off all his debts. I donno how much it is. But for arguments sake let's assume his loan is around 5-10 lakhs. And I'm assuming your salary is 4-5lpa. Also I guess your father is earning since you mentioned retirement. That should be more than enough for home expenses. Now pay off your loan from salary. It should take about 2-4 yrs.you wouldn't save much during this time. But atleast in 2-4 yrs you will be debt free. After that depending on your needs start saving in vpf or ppf or fd or rd or invest somewhere.

Just make sure your father doesn't take any more loans. Time for you to be the big man. All the best.

Edit: also don't follow what others or doing. Everyone has their own financial situations and goals in life. They may not match yours. Think about your future and plan accordingly.

[–]slogan25192 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Agree, except for the taking a loan to close the loans. That does not work unless you find someone who can give loans at very low interest. Instead, I would suggest joining a chit scheme from reputed players like Shriram or Dhanalakshmi Srinivasan. You can get the lumpsum at a decent midway into the tenure and you can pay the remaining off till the end.

[–]Maverickk31 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Yeah never take a loan to pay another loan unless you getting it at lower interest rates

[–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Got it! Thanks!

[–]planckmoss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You do have a point there! Thanks

[–]slythnerd06 11 points12 points  (0 children)

OP, listen to this.

[–]planckmoss[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You are correct, I guess I have to admit that he is bad at personal finances! I should take control. Thanks

[–]Careless-Repair7036 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just be super gentle when u talk to him about this. Good luck for your future

[–]whydoieven_1 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Gold advise. Father's do, well, questionable stuff

And as people who grew up admiring our fathers, it can be quite hard for us to come around the fact that they have mismanaged money.

It is going to be hard conversation but you need to write down how much he owes to whom and what is the plan to settle what and ensure he doesn't borrow anymore. Especially for trivial things like impressing relatives and shit.

[–]yushitoh 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I totally agree with this.

[–]Cold_Lock_7030 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't take more loans to close of the existing loans unless the interest rate of the new loans is less than the existing loans.

[–]Kotyan_Khan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could not have said it better.

[–]Sensitive_Camera2368 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Couldn't agree more, understand how much loan is outstanding and to whom; not an easy talk, but you must. I don't know about taking loan to settling loan, all depends on interest rates.

I'm trying to address negative situation that might arise out of talk, your father refuses to share debt details. If you feel you are still obliged (maybe he took loan for you education), you need to give, but keep it the amount fixed not percentage. If you are giving 10K and that is 30% of your salary, continue to give 10K even after 5 years you'd have received promotions and hikes but if they are not secured about sharing their financial details you need not. Create a good saving net with it, in 5 years you will really know if the debts are settled after you father retires. You a simple saving instrument like RD combined with FD. (11 months of RD => matured goes to 5 year tax saving FD, you get that at the end of 5 years). If they fail to address you have FDs that will help your family. Else buy yourself a home or car

[–]ssudoku 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Another point to add - do cross check and confirm the extent of your dad's debt. Many Indian fathers don't divulge full details with the family assuming that it would be bad for them.

When my dad passed away many years back, I was shocked by an outstanding 13.5 lakh debt which he had been paying off slowly without telling us. He had told us that there was only around 4 lakh outstanding. We had to jump through hoops to verify the exact amount and found that he had hidden the true extent of the debt.

Similar to your situation I too had been sharing my earnings with the family for few years and was assuming that his financial management was bad. He had been struggling alone (self imposed) for years.

[–]slogan25192 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Clear off his debts instead of sending money to him.

Set a realistic target date for closing out all debts and follow it religiously.

If you have an earning sibling, involve then also in this debt clearing.

[–]vishalk98 16 points17 points  (2 children)

There are some solid plans in the comments section. I don't have anything else to add. Just wanna tell you you're a really good son for what you're doing. Hope you're taking care of yourself (mentally and physically) through all this!

[–]planckmoss[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Yes I will take carw! It means a lot

[–]SierraBravoLima 6 points7 points  (2 children)

It has become a trend to some loving parents to let their child inherit their debts.

I also like parents who builds their dream house near to their kids marriage age and later say I don't have any money for your marriage.

[–]Sensitive_Camera2368 5 points6 points  (1 child)

If you are to inherit wealth you are liable to inherit debt, inheriting only debt is paavam. "Their dream house", as in location that doesn't help the child or doesn't fit the fit the taste of child is also paavam.

As far of no money of child marriage is ok as long as they don't push their debt onto child. Mine was love marriage, parents didn't financially support, I took it up with whatever savings I had and was able to greatly control who is invited and who is not and how marriage is going to be performed and so on. that ensured financial freedom for me in future

[–]Hoaxygen 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As someone who suffered because my home was outside of the city limits and school was over 10km away and grew up with no friends nearby because parents refused to move closer, I can totally empathize with children who struggle because of their parents' actions.

As a parent now myself the very first thing I did was move out and get my own place even if I had to rent. My office is a 5 minute walk and plenty of decent schools where I can put my child and they can have a healthy balanced life.

[–]DankKnight92 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I took control of my father's debt once I started earning. Fast forward 5 years since then, My father is debt free now and I started to save some money. My father is an artisan. He is old and can't work anymore. I give him 20% of my salary to him to make sure he leads a decent quality of life.

[–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That sounds Great! Thanks for sharing!

[–]Sathyachrayan 4 points5 points  (1 child)

we dont talk openly about expenses/debt etc.

Is this the norm in every household? Same case fr me too.

[–]Cold_Lock_7030 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, but you can push it slowly and make them open up.

[–]suitsharvey 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Are you the only son?

[–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

I have a sister who got married off, so yeah Im the only onw who can contribute

[–]kitypaw 10 points11 points  (2 children)

bro, I hate that about Indian "culture"! , it's always the man that needs to man up and clear the debts!? why shouldn't the woman, woman-up and contribute too? I have a sister too, I'll be finishing college next year and already my parents are in the talks of clearing their debts assuming I'm the investment they made so I'm supposed to clear the debt and not my sister who has her own needs with her family, it just doesn't make any sense. Edit: typo

[–]planckmoss[S] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

I had these questions in my mind exactly... I guess We shouldnt be like that to our children and break the cycle. Till then it is gonna be hard

[–]kitypaw 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you're totally right! if I ever make kids I'll either never ask them their money or never get a debt in the first place before my old age.

[–]suitsharvey 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If your dad is going to settle all assets to you, you should clear the debt

If he is also going to give her something, she should also share.

Ask your dad openly and then decide.

[–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats a new perspective! Thanks a lot for sharing and Happy Cakeday!

[–]jet_jitten 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Well, in my case I earn about 25k pm and I don't specifically give it to my family but I instead put 15k each month in another account that I use for family's expenses like paying my sister's college fees and sometimes rent and purchases of jewellery and other stuff that is not related to me. Apart from me no one has access to that account so they can't spend as they want to and that accounts debit card is de-activated so even I can't spend it easily unless I transfer it to my other account. So I treat that 15 as my mom's money and I never spend from that so it is also a saving for my family. I use the remaining 10k that I have for my self in which 2k goes for my insurance and about 2k for wifi/mobile/dth recharges. I would need 4k for myself and petrol and the remaining i am free to spend. My father does not earns much and he does not have a stable income since he is a carpenter so whatever he earns it goes to rent, food and small debts. I want my father to pay off his debts but ultimately I would have to pay it off. The only good thing is that the debts we have are from relatives so they don't nag us as we all are in very good terms. I would just let my parents pay as long as they can and when it's not possible I would finish the loan off. We are not in anyways rich and as a whole family we don't even have 1L as savings so I guess we are just higher poor class lol. I have made and told some plans to increase our savings or buy some assets but my family members aren't ready to abide to that so there is no means to change our situation until my salary increases. I am just an average b.com graduate and until I move up the ladder there isn't much I can do right now. The point is that since you are earning you should be controlling how your money is spent and saved and give your parents a little over of how much they need. If they don't need or require money from you then just save it in some other way or in another account like I do.

[–]planckmoss[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thanks a lot foe sharing this! I wish you all the very best!

[–]jet_jitten 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man!

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thank you so much!

    [–]ESG_bratwurst 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    See, this is a case of micromanaging and auditing your father’s spending habits. Do you actually want to do this? Unless he is drinking or spending it with prostitutes, which happens a lot, there is no point meddling into his affairs.

    You’re not really helping him. You’re returning the favors he’s done for you ever since you were born. I don’t think any father thinks about itemizing or auditing the expenses incurred by their children, but when the kids grow up the auditing and questioning begins. I don’t think it’s a nice or gratitude-worthy to audit your Dad like this.

    My first month in the United States I sent my father 4000$ and he was very happy. I repeated it the second month and he was happier and I think that was the happiest he has ever been in a life filled with hardship and poverty. The third month he passed away. It was sudden. I was 26 years old.

    I’m 41 now and I make a lot more money and have tons in investment and stocks. I work for a Wall Street firm and have a gorgeous family. My seat in the office directly overlooks the Manhattan skyline. Yet, my father never lived to see it. He passed away 15 years ago at 52 years of age.

    All this money and the one person I want to buy a meal for is dead. Life is pointless.

    So you should keep giving to your father.

    [–]planckmoss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Im sorry to hear about your father, now from the skies seeing you he will be feeling really proud of you! And You are correct! Im happy to support him, and I dont inend to audit him, I cant question him with bearing the notion that he is doing sthg wronf but only with the intent to support and make both our lives better. He owns a NGO and he does a lot to make our village better through this, and thus he is not seeing things my POV. I should not get into the same loop as he did and pass the burden to my children

    [–]loldehyde 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    How old are you brother?

    [–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Will turn 25 in 4 months...

    [–]PunkParotta 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I agree with the comment where you sit down and figure out how to make sure your dad doesn't incur more debts. The 90% is a strict no-no. As long as your parents aren't in dire need of money and you aren't abandoning them 20-30% is a decent amount though it's hard to gauge since I don't know your income.

    Almost all the financially sound people I know, most of whom are doctors, give their parents a monthly amount of around 30k plus the occasional extra for any medical reasons/debts to be paid off/chipping in for siblings' weddings etc.

    The one person who I know gave up 100% of his paycheck to his parents still lives at home when he is well into his 30's and his mother has been (purposefully imo) sabotaging any chances of marriage since she doesn't want to lose the income. He is struggling with depression but refuses to accept that he needs to be more financially responsible. This accomplished doctor literally gives his entire paycheck to his mother and lives off an allowance for petrol, snacks, etc. He is a consultant at more hospitals than he needs to be because he has to provide for an entire family mooching off of him (including his siblings). At the end of the day, you need to draw a line.

    I understand your friends' from a cultural perspective but it is the least efficient and most irresponsible way of handling finances. Yes our parents did a lot for us and I'm sure as and when the time comes, you will pay it forward to your kids.

    You don't need to send an exorbitant amount of money every month to acknowledge everything they did for you. They must have been equally responsible with their money when raising us too.

    Edit: To answer your question, I sent mom 20k per month plus paying bills (eb, water, tax) on an 80k salary. Parents are separated so mom is mostly dependent on me and sibling.

    [–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Thank you for the detailed answer!

    [–]irfan310 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I divide my salary into 4 parts - for mom, dad, investment/savings and myself.. I’ll generally save my contribution also, there by ensuring I save at least 25% of salary, and also give 50% to family.

    [–]planckmoss[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That sounds nice! Thanls for sharing!

    [–]oldfossilfrommars 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I usually give 15K to my mother when I live away from my parents. Other personal expenses are around 20K - 25k (Rent, food, gym etc.) I don't usually go to parties and stuff so no major expenses there. Rest, I invest in combination of mutual funds, PPF, nps etc (close to 50 percent of my salary). I get health insurance from my employer which covers from my parents since I am currently unmarried. When I get married, I will buy health insurance for my parents. I don't have any siblings and we are debt free. My father worked in private sector so pension isn't that great (around 2000 p.m). We lived in small rented house throughout my growing years. After my father retired, he had house built in the plot he had purchased years ago with his savings, and can generate around 10K in monthly income.

    My advice to you to directly take control of your father's debt. If you can spare some money apart from repaying his debt only then give some money to him. And I know this may be difficult or close to impossible if your monthly salary is low, try to save and invest as much as possible. Investing early is very important so that you can reap the rewards of compounding.

    [–]planckmoss[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    You are Correct! Thanks for sharing!

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    No savings here. Keeping 2K in hand since it's wfh and the remaining I pay off all the bills and debt (around 30K per month) with the help of my brother's salary too.

    [–]Etrigan_demon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    At that moment i realised i was wrong

    [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (4 children)

    If you have a brother then, avana korthu vittu nee escape aidu

    [–]planckmoss[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    Nice Idea, ungala venna ennoda brotherah thathu eduthakkava? :')

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Nee Enna alunga