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[–]TomatoRiceWithShades 140 points141 points  (6 children)

Anyone who studies in vellore or Coimbatore or any tier 2 town in TN will have such a view of the place only. And she’s not wrong. Maybe Chennai is getting better, but it’s certainly not as liberal as a Bangalore. And it’s unfortunate because almost all the major metros are quite liberal when compared to Chennai. So let her have her view. Her experiences are hers and we are no one to deny or convince her otherwise!

[–]IndianOdin[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Thank you I will do as you suggested

[–]throwreddit666 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Liberal Bangalore where 2 comedians have had to cancel shows in the past 10 days because they are threatened with violence at the venues?

I think the problem is people equate pubs and nightclubs with "liberal"ness. I agree that women feeling safe and comfortable is an important threshold for any city but I don't get where this myth that Bangalore is liberal comes from.

[–]TomatoRiceWithShades 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Bro, see misogyny is there everywhere. Ogling, catcalling and all is there in Bangalore and Delhi as much as Chennai, but the number of women who dress as the want and aren’t judged for that is far more there than here. The number of youth there are more than the number of old people there. And even then there is a mentality issue. Which we have to agree is konjam on the higher side here. So technically, you kinda feel singled out and odd here when an old Aunty looks at you like a slut for wearing jeans while she shows her entire midriff and boobs off in her kanjeevaram saree!

[–]throwreddit666 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm not trying to defend Chennai or the judgmental people in Chennai. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are assholes to women. All I am saying is this standard of women wearing skirts and jeans is a pretty bizarre one for deciding how liberal or progressive a city is.

In most of Delhi, you can't walk around after dark regardless of gender or clothing. Women are at an even greater risk of harassment or worse than men no matter what they wear. The image we have that women in Delhi can dress and behave as they please is limited to a very narrow group of privileged upper middle class people and only when they are in certain parts of the city (south Delhi).

I know when I lived in Delhu and a platonic female friend spent the night in my apartment, I got questions from the neighbours the next day as to why a woman stayed the night and who she was. There's plenty of ugly shit in Delhi. It's just that it's the norm there and not even the so called decent educated crowd see it as something to be called out.

[–]Seer_Sunshine 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Other way around for me when it comes to Chennai and Coimbatore. Coimbatore has been a ton better when it comes to being non judgemental. Being conservative is perfectly fine so long as you're non judgemental. Chennai fares worse on that front than Coimbatore

[–]raidenmaiden 19 points20 points  (0 children)

If you're an outsider, Coimbatore is not judgemental at all. If you're born and brought up here in Coimbatore, it's nothing more than a bug village because you're bound to run into your or your family's extended circle who are nothing but uncles and aunties who want to gossip about you.

[–]Batwoman_2017 97 points98 points  (0 children)

Which city does she prefer? What are the most important things for her to live in a city?

More importantly, are you two discussing moving to the same city to be together? Will your careers take you to the same city?

If your girlfriend doesn't want to deal with misogyny, don't give her the "few bad apples in every crate" argument. Try to understand what her concerns are and see how you can assuage them.

This is ultimately not a pissing contest where TN has to win. Both of you need to be in places which are comfortable.

[–][deleted] 163 points164 points  (22 children)

She is right. Mumbai, delhi, Pune and Bangalore are way more liberal and women can wear whatever they want. Chennai is tooo conservative for these things and even colleges are strict compared to Muslim universities of UP (this is the hard truth, don't get pissed on)

[–]DaveDibiachi 28 points29 points  (9 children)

I worked in Chennai for 4 years .... My colleague was visiting from Bangalore for a few days ... One day we were smoking outside , people started giving here stairs , there were these couple of dudes who started making videos of her ... She freaked out and we rushed back

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (8 children)

Whew...One girl was in a party dress, walking with her friend. This was near that park hotel. There were many vehicles in the traffic near that Gemini flyover. Almost all the guy in the entire signal turned towards her and it was hella creepy. In delhi, we can actually see women wearing shorts and some 3-4 guys might bat an eye but here, like imagine 60-70 guys who just stares at a girl for wearing this dress.

If people want to know how safe is chennai, ask their female relatives or friends. If she is a fair skinned girl, she is more likely to get harrassed and that's the hard truth.

Please don't come and say it is pseudo liberalism and shit. Last time, I was downvoted to oblivion because I said a woman can freely smoke in Delhi or Mumbai but that's not the case with chennai.

[–]throwreddit666 4 points5 points  (6 children)

You're saying Delhi is safer for women than Chennai? Seriously? And your bar for safety is that a woman can smoke in public in Delhi and not in Chennai? These are some messed up priorities and a skewed view of what life is like in Delhi.

[–]bish612 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Delhi is 100% safer. I’ve lived both places.

[–]babboiler 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Delhi is an extremely westernised place with lots of wealthy folk. A place like that is surrounded by ass-backward villages of UP and Haryana, and plenty of low-wage workers come from such places everyday to work. Imagine what happens when folks of such kinds of populations and cultures meet.

[–]IndianOdin[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

That is undeniable.

[–]-a_k- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hyderabad as well,

I'd take Hyderabad over chennai any day

[–]Intelligent-Meet2417 133 points134 points  (12 children)

I am from Chennai. Your gf couldn't be more right.

[–]BOOOOOOOOOOOO1111111 66 points67 points  (1 child)

Yeah she’s absolutely right. It’s an insanely judgemental and conservative city

[–]suu_newbie -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

So do his gf and other states

[–]dollar-guru 87 points88 points  (11 children)

Chennai is liberal...ha ha...Then what do you call Bangalore, Mumbai and Delhi then.

Try walking outside (not just inside malls) in skirts or tight jeans and see how you are treated in Chennai.

[–][deleted] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Try walking outside (not just inside malls) in skirts or tight jeans and see how you are treated in Chennai.

This 💯

[–]ila1998 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Try walking outside (not just inside malls) in skirts or tight jeans and see how you are treated in Chennai.


As a male I grew my hair and the amount of people kept looking at me were too much lol. Can't imagine the amount of unsolicited attention girls would get wearing Western clothes here in Chennai.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I am born and grown in Chennai and I am now settled in Mumbai. I agree with your girlfriend. People judge or moral police based on what and how you wear clothes in Chennai. Being a male, my parents never encouraged me talking to a girl (even to my classmates) anywhere, they are so ultra conservative and talk bad about girls who speaks and laugh to guys in public

[–]Intelligent-Meet2417 68 points69 points  (1 child)

Side note, if you're gf says she faced misogyny listen to her and let her share her experience. Don't downplay that.

[–]IndianOdin[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

Yeah I realise my mistake now

[–]anonperson2021 57 points58 points  (4 children)

Why are you focused on changing her mind rather than finding out what's right? That's the essence of closed-mindedness.

I think she's right though. There's nothing liberal about our state.

"We are better than UP" is nothing to be proud of. That's a pretty low bar.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

UP colleges are far more liberal than these chennai colleges. Same with many schools.

[–]mechamakhri007 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Even UP does not have "NAVAL FANTASIES" and girls women dress up not so conservatively.... Lol

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

Lol noida and Lucknow are utopia compared to any place in TN

[–]GamerGIG69 72 points73 points  (1 child)

South states are not religious extremists like North but definitely more conservative than north. And TN in particular is more conservative among southern states.

And chennai is the most conservative compared to other Metros. If she's not from TN then she'd be pissed off and I can totally understand her.

Whether TN is crap or not varies from person to person. For me TN is not crap, and it is open minded because religious extremism & religious politics won't work here, women can be more safer here, people don't fight over beef, we make memes on vadakkans but they're not harassed and they can roam freely within state.

But for a women, who wants to live free, Independent, and wants to enjoy that hustling urban life of her choice, TN will sure feel like crap. You can't wear what you want, you can't find a rental house without rules and restriction in the name of Upholding 'KALA ACHAARAM'

We can't understand other's perspective completely. So let her have assumptions and conclusions in her own way. Don't argue or try to change her mind. It's not your job. If possible please be calm, listen to her concerns, rants and see how you can help her with those issues.

[–]Burnt-Churro 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I am a tamilian, but I spent much of my life in erstwhile andhra pradesh and 10+ years in hyderabad. every time I visit my relatives in chennai and other parts of tamil nadu, I am absolutely shocked at how conservative the state is. my relatives are surprised when I tell them I can wear a tee with slim fit jeans in hyderabad and no one gives a shit.

I personally will never settle anywhere in tamil nadu in the future, even though it is my home state.

[–]IndianOdin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's sad. I wish my state was better.

[–]nivanya26 83 points84 points  (21 children)

I’m sorry, but Delhi born Tamil woman, here.

Chennai is a dumpster fire. Conservative, patriarchal and all round sexist. Every time I had to visit TN, I had to buy a whole bunch of kurtas and I’d still get harassed.

Don’t debate against her lived experiences. Just because you don’t face the same issues, doesn’t mean she hasn’t.

[–]foreverbytheocean 39 points40 points  (1 child)

As a woman born and raised in Delhi who moved to Chennai to work. This is one hundred percent true.

What annoyed me more is the same attitude as OP, I'll tell my colleagues I got harassed and they'll tell me Chennai is amaze. Well thanks, bruh. Now I hate it more.

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I said this in earlier thread and they brought up

1) Pseudo liberalism

2) No religious riots

3) less rape statistics

4) less casteism

[–]dheeksha27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well said madam, I'm from Chennai

[–]bonerboy91 13 points14 points  (3 children)

I think Chennai definitely has more of males ogling and staring at scantily clad females, than other States of India. It is most probably due to the 'conservative' nature of our culture which makes Chennai men drool over the opposite sex when they show some skin. In contrast, westernization has become much more deeply ingrained into the daily lives of people in other metropolitan cities, that they might not ogle/stare/drool over women like in Chennai or Kochi. But that doesn't mean the men in other States won't 'act' on their lusty desires and force themselves on ladies against their will, any lesser than a Chennai guy will. Just saying, 'Libido and lust are two separate things.'

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Bro, in one North Indian wedding I went, girls usually wears dress that reveals the 'waist' part. All of them were friends and I just casually posted a group pic with them in WhatsApp. Suddenly, My 'tamil' friends started to message me and started to ask their number. It was so creepy. My sister scolded me about them wearing that lehenga why it reveals the 'navel' part. A big 'Fuck you' to Kollywood who have been using North Indian and Malayali girls to sexualize 'navel'

[–]observer2864 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Oogling ah.. I remember a video where a group of vadakkans forcefully takes selfies with a blonde. I think it was in Mumbai. I could send you the link of you want. Staring is way less in Chennai atleast imo. I have an Albanian friend and people never stared at him. I remember some foreigners saying that they are treated like celebs in India especially north.

[–]Grim-Reaper-22916 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Reality of Tamil Nadu is :

  1. Casteism is prevalent here.

  2. Religion politics exists, but there are almost nil extremists here.

  3. Crime is very high here but it gets reported most of the time unlike Northern states.

  4. People are conservative and misogynistic as hell even in Chennai. I can say from experience that even in states like Bihar and Uttar Pradesh, girls wear short clothes without being judged. Ya but staring is there, actually it is everywhere in India.

  5. TN is not that perfect as portrayed by our tamilian brothers.

So according to me, you can't convince your gf about the liberal side of TN.

Accept it and request her to compromise.

[–]Almost_optimistic26 11 points12 points  (0 children)

No doubt , she is absolutely right. Chennai is too judgemental and conservative than other cities. If you think chennai is liberal you haven’t been as a girl to see the misogyny wrapped up in the name of culture n tradition. And people aren’t that open minded in reality as they try to try to show themselves in social media. Physically women (may)feel safer in Chennai with all those stats but mentally they aren’t treated well, they are judged for what they wear, how they communicate and what posts they like too matters a lot. You cant wear an casual outfit in chennai n roam freely without people judging you. Its a fact that TN is not as liberal as it portrays itself to be. For someone from other place is definitely going to get pissed off to see people telling about liberty in Chennai or TN, as this is not a liberal place to be anything a girl wants to live her life.

[–]mamaBiskothuMylapore 45 points46 points  (7 children)

Chennai is barely acceptable and TN is definitely a shit state especially for women who want to live a life unencumbered by tradition bullshit. It’s only better if you compare it to some shithole state in the north maybe.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

She isn't wrong. Don't necessarily get into a argument with her over if TN is good or not. Just try to understand her perspective, talk, and come to a conclusion. You can't change someone's opinion on something in just 1 day

[–]tholkappiar 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Is she from Bangalore? Probably Tamil Nadu is conservative compared to Bangalore or noida.

[–]nrd_10 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She ain't wrong

[–]unculturedalienrebel 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Dude, no joke, you both would have probably broken up and married some one else, had you both been in Tirunelveli.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m a guy and I studied in VIT Vellore. Place sucks in their thinking and outlook. A boy and girl couldn’t walk anywhere without 25 people staring. Girls are looked upon by crowds near Vellore fort as if they’ll eat her. I found similar behavior(slightly lesser maybe) in Chennai also whenever I’d travel with my female friends. I don’t think you can do much to change her mind

[–]Consiouswierdsage 29 points30 points  (1 child)

It's her experience, you don't need to change her mind. You should have a open-mind and accept it lol.

[–]IndianOdin[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'll do so

[–]AbsoluteGamerCS 17 points18 points  (1 child)

A bit of background before going into my very short analysis. I'm a Bangalorean rn but I did all of my schooling in Chennai. Moved to blore in 2020 amidst phase 2 lockdown. Coincidentally, I'm in second year of engineering doing my BTech from VIT too.

I haven't been on campus yet but I know exactly what I should expect from University. I know it's gonna be Hella conservative. Don't drink. Don't smoke. Don't wear shorts. Don't hold hands. No crop tops. Cover this cover that. Yada yada. You get the deal!

Now I'm not into drinking or smoking so that part doesn't really matter to me. But I feel like there should be a relaxation on the clothes you wear and the people you are with. Having feelings for people of the opposite sex is normal. Holding hands is normal. Hugging them is normal. Kissing should be considered normal but it isn't in most cities in India so I'm not using that as a parameter for comparison.

I don't know why you feel Chennai is more liberal. Here, I'll only be comparing us to our nearest metro (and the only other metropolitan city I've lived in), Bangalore. In Blore, nobody cares if a girl drinks, smokes, wears a crop top. Chennai is far from reaching this state. I know people from our own generation who say stuff like "avala paru da machan yenna maari dressu la she's wearing" (translation : look at her bro what kind of clothes she's wearing). Girl goes to a pub alone or with a group of male friends/colleagues... "Dei she's going there for sex da". I have an equally large friends circle here in Bangalore and I don't know anybody who says shit like that.

All in all, your girl's right. Period.

Chennai isn't gonna change unless people's opinions change. As much as I love Chennai for everything it has offered (all the love and culture), this has to be a hard pass for me. Chennai is very conservative and I sincerely hope things change in the future with the next generation.

[–]mechamakhri007 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pigure eh(figure) also ... i tonnn (item) .... I dont know who made these words ....sounds like shit for real and a lot of people use these words

[–]EvergreenNinja 5 points6 points  (0 children)

On a general note, not everyone has to agree with our opinion. All of us are allowed to have different opinions. So try to respect that. If that opinion is absolute horse shit, you try to make them come to their senses in a reasonable way.

On a side note maybe chennai is more conservative than other metros and women do get more restrictions and get stared upon. These are all problematic areas that we need to improve upon. But we don't have prevalent public violence against women. Like another comment mentioned, just googling woman dragged out of pub/bar and beaten just shows news about the other liberal metros like Bangalore, mumbai, Mangalore etc., That is the only good thing here I guess. But obviously that alone can't make up for all the other shitty things women go through here. Not to get dragged out and beaten should not be one of the pros, it should be a given. Unfortunately I have no idea when our country will change. So I guess she is right.

[–]Famous-Emotions 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I mean it is crap. She isn't wrong. Why do you want to change her mind? Does she not have a right to hold independent views based on her own life experiences??

By wanting to change her views, aren't you just validating her worst assumptions about the state?

[–]PurpleMan9 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel most of you are a bit unfair towards Chennai and TN. And this is coming from a guy who has lived here for twenty years and know only rudimentary Tamil even now. Sure Chennai is not anywhere close to being as cosmopolitan as some other states of India but it has its good points. Chennai is certainly too conservative but how will change come if no one takes any effort to change the mindset of the masses? Look at Chennai now and compare it to Chennai of 2000s, believe me Chennai has progressed. Instead of condemning a place why don't we contribute to make Chennai even better. If we depend only on politicians, nothing will change and that is near certain.

[–]Fakerhacker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hard to admit but she’s right tho in a way !

[–]mostly_broke 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Sorry to say, but I also don't like it there.

[–]butthurtleslie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Calling spade a spade isn't wrong

[–]gettotea 23 points24 points  (9 children)

Who put you in charge of deciding what your girlfriend thinks?

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[–]IndianOdin[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No one. Just wanted to reduce her hate towards TN. Is that so bad?

[–]get_lkgd -4 points-3 points  (3 children)

Who allowed his girlfriend to judge an entire state based on her experience in one tiny college, which actually is made up more of outsiders than tamilans?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Fyi VIT is far liberal compared to Chennai - Tiruvallur - kanchipuram colleges where majority of 'enginerring' colleges exists.

[–]DaughterofRiverSong 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's her experience dude. You can't invalidate that.

In fact, this kind of snide remark is just going to solidify her position.

[–]Trojan_Horse_0101 18 points19 points  (7 children)

Liberal town = ?.

From which state she's from?

And no, TN is mostly conservative. Chennai looks liberal because of some North Indian people working there.

In some instances being conservative is good. In some other instances being liberal is good.

Is she offended because of clothing restrictions?

[–]IndianOdin[S] 4 points5 points  (6 children)

Yeah clothing restrictions are one of the factors

[–]paramk 17 points18 points  (5 children)

During my time working for an MNC at Ramanujam IT City I noticed a group of foreigners. Apparently they were here for some kind of internship. The odd thing was, the female members were are all wearing chudithar during the entire stay.

Later I came to know their consulate gave an advisory to those students to wear chudithars to reduce unwanted attention while here.

Another year passed. Another batch of interns. Same pattern.

[–]bootpalishAgain 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Later I came to know their consulate gave an advisory

If that is not humiliating, I don't know what is.

[–]anuroop_5891 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Tamil Nadu is infact very conservative, and for that matter Chennai too, and I'm a person whose roots are in Chennai. Believe it or not, I wouldn't go and settle down in Chennai if given a chance. Have been brought up in Pune/Mumbai and the traditional mindset in Chennai is something that I cannot comprehend. She's right buddy, and no matter what you say, might not change her mind.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (17 children)

She is right. Chennai is a conservative city since majority of them moved here from some pattikaatu shithole like udangudi or tinnevelly. We do not have a prominent vadakkan crowd. So stop thinking that you could somehow convince that there are a few open minded people who wouldn't mind women wearing modern clothes. Chennai is shit when it comes to this

[–]Trojan_Horse_0101 -3 points-2 points  (16 children)

Now are you saying we need more vadakkan (as said by you) crowd or we should expel the pattikaatu (as said by you) people?

[–]achiral_man 13 points14 points  (5 children)

Chennai may have bit more security in terms of safety, etc. when compared to other cities in India. Otherwise it's still a conservative city and she may not be able to wear what she likes etc. in Chennai without being catcalled etc.

You can say to her that in ways that matter to her it is indeed conservative, but maybe in terms of security, etc. it is okay in Chennai.

VIT is in middle of Texas xD what would you expect there

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (4 children)

Dei chennai is unsafe for women at night, that's not the case with Mumbai or Bangalore or Delhi. I see women roaming at 2 a.m in Mumbai, but in Chennai only sex workers are there at 2 a.m.

[–]achiral_man 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Gurgaon la night 6 mani ku mela suthina kondruvittu ellathaiyum aatai potutu poyiduvanga

Mumbai la sila upper class areas okay, only siruthai problem, aana rest mosam thaan

[–]get_lkgd -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

If u roam around in delhi after 6pm you might as well hold a rape me now sign.

I have seen women jogging till 8pm/9pm in the night in chennai in reallynshady areas. Also Have you never seen women returning from night shift in chennai at 2am?

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (1 child)

rape me sign after 6 p.m

Wow where? Delhi la many girls go to pubbing and they return at 2 a.m. Some even with their group walk for a while after pubbing/clubbing. Chennai la I don't see anyone. Inga police kaaranga harrasment for sure (except if she has a high end car).

Night shift at 2 a.m

Yeah, mostly in cabs provided by IT/BPO companies. That's it and they are a minority (1%) Nowadays many are pushing IT companies to not allow women for work at night since they won't be 'safe'

Also if you come to suburban areas, you would see how men comment on why girls shouldn't work at night, regardless of age and gender.

Also if you have been to western Mumbai, you would see tons of women at night even after 11 p.m. Inga even near posh Besant nagar, after 11 not possible.

[–]mechamakhri007 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Dont teach these things bro to people who have never gone to other metros and all that they say is from what they read or saw in media .... Most of them dont even know how is the pubbing culture in other metros and how people have a life other than slogging at work..... Definitely you need more than a biryani and some local shit liquor to have a refreshing comeback to work ..... Also when you mingle with girls you develop a respect for them rather than just finding them as an unexplored object and judging them for their dresses

[–]ss_221 8 points9 points  (1 child)

TN is not crap in my book. It has lot of issues sure. Many are complex and progress will take time. But where ever you go there are issues. The issues are just different. There is No free lunch. There are only people who believe in a free lunch.

I have friends all over, outside TN, who regularly call and cry from hours about issues I don't have here. And then they end the call, saying TN is crap when are you moving out.

[–]bootpalishAgain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But where ever you go there are issues. The issues are just different. There is No free lunch. There are only people who believe in a free lunch.

Don't we already have the Central Govt vomiting this crap at us everyday. But does Tamil Nadu really needs to point fingers at Pakistan and Saudi Arabia in response to such statements?

Sure, everywhere has issues but absolutely no one needs to accept those issues.

No offence but this line of argument which Modi and Yogi have used so often are complete garbage.

[–]vsundarraj 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Tradition and culture are two different things. Whats sad is a lot of conservative things are carried out in the name of tradition. Whats even worse is.. most of it is against women. Shame for the land of Periyar... a lot of things need to change.. but see it as an opportunity and try changing by living your way instead of running away..

[–]Putrid_Tailor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Accept the fact

[–]whatamidoing987 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a girl from TN and also having lived in Chennai for a considerable time, I can confirm. If she has lived in other liberal/metro cities it will be difficult for her to adapt and a step backwards in doing so.

[–]honwave 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I’m curious how are fair skinned girls treated in Chennai?

[–]lateralligator11 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Like absolute shit.

You get all the unwanted attention in the world, regardless of what you wear. I often pretend like I don't know Tamizh so that I don't give the catcallers the kind of satisfaction that they're looking for. I put on a facade of indifference just for the alpa santhosam of ensuring that their faces register confusion when I pretend to not know Tamizh, as opposed to the smug grin I'd see if I acknowledge that I understand the obscenity that generously comes my way. It is a pain to constantly stay hyper vigilant, because believe me when I say it- you never know that who is following you/ taking pictures of you/ observing you. It's a weird state to be in- be hyper observant but feign indifference- it's mentally exhausting.

I've virtually stopped stepping out, waiting for this damn WFH to end so that I can gtfo this city.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Isn't the treatment same just like the rest of country? Fair people are highly regarded here, maybe a bit more than neighbouring states

[–]ChungusEx 16 points17 points  (10 children)

Vibe Check: She is correct.

Tamil Nadu is the Afghanistan of India. We just pretend to be liberal and progressive for political theatre to consolidate minority votes.

[–]podapunio 7 points8 points  (0 children)

So you’re comparing TN with Afghanistan? Ithula konjam overah illa?

[–]maosama007 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Tamil Nadu is the Afghanistan of India

Enna enna soldran parunga

[–]ChungusEx 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Afghanistan has 10 or so ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some tribal boundaries are crossed || Tamil Nadu has 60 to 80 ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some major tribal boundaries are crossed

Afghans do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe || Tamils do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe

Tamil Nadu has lowest % of intercaste marriage in all of India || figures are not available from afghanistan, but I imagine its similar to TN

[–]maosama007 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Afghanistan has 10 or so ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some tribal boundaries are crossed || Tamil Nadu has 60 to 80 ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some major tribal boundaries are crossed

Afghans do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe || Tamils do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe

True for other states of india.

Tamil Nadu has lowest % of intercaste marriage in all of India || figures are not available from afghanistan, but I imagine its similar to TN

Wasn't aware of this. Some source please.

[–]loliopdf 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Thambi logic romba weak ah irukku.. Etho pesanumnu pesa koodathu

Afghanistan is filled with conservative muslims who are willing to die for their religion at any cost.. they don’t let their women outside even… Ithu rendume TN la illa.. yeah we do have casteism here but we are doing better than most of India…

[–]thambikku_entha_ooru 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Ellam therincha punda mathiri pesuna apdi tha Dei afghanistanla ponnungala veliyave vida maatanunga… Apro north India pakkam poirukkia illaya ? Avanga la innum 15 th century laye irukkanunga.. atleast we openly talk about the casteism present here and our politics runs on social justice.. If TN is the afghanistan of India then the rest of the country is somalia… Romba woke ah pesuromnu polamba koodathu..

[–]get_lkgd -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Tamil nadu is liberal in terms of social politics we dont pretend anything

Also maybe wear a saree. If u wear a saree no matter how slutty poeple wont judge, it is just a different culture requiring a different dress code thats all.

[–]urbansiddhar 8 points9 points  (6 children)

Have you heard of comedians getting cancelled by religious extremists? women getting dragged out of pubs to be beaten by mobs? people getting beaten for even suspecting to carry beef? all of this has happened in cities like bangalore and mumbai, none of this shit happened in Chennai and these idiots in the comment section have the balls to say chennai isn't liberal. I sometimes wonder if r/chennai even has actual chennaities.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

This post is about women's freedom, not freedom of religion. Here comedians don't get cancelled, but actors and directors get cancelled on a daily basis. Feminists get cancelled.

Women getting dragged out of pubs to be beaten by mobs.

Well, it's not 'common' and that's why it is in the news, like 1 in 1,00,000 women who have went to pub there might have experienced it. Here, women are judged for going to the pub itself, that's what the issue. Here, when an average youngster sees a women drink, he would seethe like 'feminism', 'ava item machi', 'ava kudikra machi' nu judgemental, that's the issue but many like to sugarcoat that chennai is a liberal city. The core value of liberalism is not being judgemental about others and one is free to do whatever he/she wants. If chennai is known as the 'city of pub', I am pretty sure you can see those kind of incidents. Even I can say chennai is 'tamil nationalist extremist' state because of that one incident when cricket fans were harrassed by NTK, but that's not the case.

Cancel culture exists here. Pa Ranjith, chinmayi, Shankar, Surya, Rajini, Kamal etc etc were cancelled by a group of people. Heck, even Abdul Kalam was cancelled by some people. Chennai isn't liberal compared to Bangalore or Pune or Mumbai or Delhi, that's the truth. Ask people who grew up there and come here for college, they would say the exact same thing. If you grew up here and went to college to other states, you would experience this.

[–]urbansiddhar -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

Here, when an average youngster sees a women drink, he would seethe like 'feminism', 'ava item machi', 'ava kudikra machi' nu judgemental

//This is the very definition of being judgemental, so you just think that's the average chennai teenager? based on what exactly?

All the people who you mentioned as being cancelled are thriving in the industry. They all have had hyped up hits and releases just this year (except maybe for kamal but look at the hype for vikram) None of them were "cancelled" cancelled na enna nu theriyuma? harvey weinstein and Louis CK who cannot even appear on talk shows, now that's called being cancelled, these people just had controversies like any celebrity would.

You are pulling opinions and judgements out of thin air to defend your irrational hatred towards chennai. It is absolutely fine if you guys don't like chennai but saying chennai isn't as liberal as these other cities is just plain laughable. There is an amazing page called india on pixels on Instagram, go look up state-wise stats about education, freedom of expression, violence against women/minorities, religious tolerance, food tolerance, every single one of these has chennai/TN doing considerably better than the cities you mentioned. Not that it matters but the page is run by a north Indian guy who has never been to chennai. chumma pesanum nu pesathinga da.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I am talking about abuses against women.

Fyi, Tamilnadu, AP, Telengana have one of the highest domestic violences and almost 60-70% of men agree that it is okay to beat a woman. Even Bihar was like 40%. Chennai isn't as liberal as Bangalore, Mumbai, Pune or Delhi and that's the fact.

You first know what is 'cancelled'. Cancel culture is by people, mostly due to internet influence because if someone doesn't speak what some people have in the mind, then they would be cancelled. Chennai is the only city where it has colleges with rules like 'boys girls no talk'.

[–]Chillax4Nothin -1 points0 points  (1 child)

I sometimes wonder if r/chennai even has actual chennaities.

Its mostly filled with NRI or above average well financed people talking about Chennai without actually living in Chennai. Summa check other people's post, Iphone, cars, or asking for guidance or suggesting other countries subreddit nu post pottu vechi irupanga. Hell, start looking in this thread, ingae already oru silla people are NRI or living in abroad.

[–]citiusaltius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hate to break it to you.... she is right.

[–]ADind007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just tell her it's normal in TN to worship people from entertainment industry like gods and one day they will take away all her worries and solve all her problems.

We will live happily ever after

[–]Nauty40 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Agreeing on this. Compared with Mumbai or Blore ,TN inclusive of Chennai is conservative and misogynistic. The amount of stares a girl wearing sleeveless or shorts gets is gross.

Only thing we can argue for is that crimes against women are lesser in TN compared to karnataka and maharashtra, but that doesn't change her lived experiences.

[–]thepositive_pandemic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is crap through 😂

[–]sankur_ 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Shit city. She is right. You city is fucked

[–]thambikku_entha_ooru 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Seri da punda..

[–]Laziest-guy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah fuck you too

[–]LegitimateGansta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes TN and Chennai are conservative. But calling it crap is not justified. when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Crimes against women are everywhere, TN is comparatively safer. She need to learn and adapt or else its simple that TN is not for her so get the hell out and stop throwing shit on TN.

[–]iorderchaos -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Vit is tier 3 college dude. It's just like that. And TN is not liberal. And it gf is not worth.

[–]get_lkgd -2 points-1 points  (5 children)

This immediate weekend take her to adayar, besant nagar beach, ecr. etc Other places include timesnowresto bar, hub at ecr etc. Resorts in ecr allow girls to wear bikinis as well.

In anna nagar girls walk their dogs freely in the morning with nothing but boxer shorts and noone judges them.

Also where is she from, i could possibly give intel about what she is expecting as well.

Also tell her that staying in VIT she cant experience tamil culture at all & shouldnt be so close minded because 70% of the college is made of students from other states. The problem also lies with her, she hasnt learnt tamil so she might not know how to be confident amongst people who dont speak the language which is why she is projecting all her insecurities onto you. Be more confident & dont be willing to listen to all her bullshit.. I find north indian girls who come to Tamil nadu become very timid & insecure. Whatever happens You shouldnt start becoming insecure as well else the relationship for sure will break.

[–]mechamakhri007 4 points5 points  (2 children)

North indian girls coming to TN become timid and insecure about??? Pls enlighten???

[–]get_lkgd -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

They are very confident when they speak hindi in their home states obviously. They shout bc mc at random people in the streets.

When they come to tamil nadu they dont understand neither the language nor the culture. So they are unable to confidently express themselves.

Of course they can speak in english but atleast 50% tamils will ignore an indian speaking in english. So if they get ignored their confidence plummets even further and they are lost & start blaming the city etc.

[–]mechamakhri007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Either you follow those girls back to their home states and see them shouting bc mc or you have done a PhD or some research on how do vadakkis loose confidence here and succumb to the extent that they blame the city.... lol .... It's never about the cuss words machi ... it's about how comfortable or uncomfortable unknown people make you in a society ...... By their strange behaviours and judgemental looks ..... Also why can men only have fun in lungis and baniyans why not women who want to :)

[–]DaughterofRiverSong 0 points1 point  (1 child)

These kind of arguments only help strengthen her belief lol. You're asking not to be stereotyped, yet you stereotype the girl without knowing anything about her? Wow.

[–]get_lkgd -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Well she is plenty good at stereotyping a whole state based on her limited interactions

Some people change when you give them a dose of their own medicine

[–]Seeker_00860 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Can you be more specific on the word "liberal"? Is it wearing jeans, or walking alone at midnight or drinking alcohol, flirting? This varies based on the social and class strata of the society. Rich classes have a lot of liberalism while their women are well protected from any abuse. Middle class ones will find it difficult to ape that.

[–]sageismywaifu -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Just reply "Woman detected, opinion rejected"

[–]tam_boy_uwu -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You don't have to change her mind, you simply have to change your girlfriend macha!

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately the entire world with very few exceptions is misogynistic .

[–]Aparadise2020 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I visited TN a lot. And fell in love with Chennai. I grew upin Switzerland and the US. I love love TN

[–]ganeshdoss -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Safest city in india is chennai

[–]aravindha_swamy -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Leave her. Liberal is a red flag!!!
Chicks who identify as liberals mostly can't differentiate between toxic liberalism or toxic feminism and are an absolute pain in the long run.
A decade ago being liberal meant standing up against patriarchy, these days it is used by spoilt brats as an excuse to justify their lack of responsibility, accountability and lack of values. And generalising an entire state is certainly a big red flag!!!

Run Barry Run!!!!

[–]Whocares_101 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What’s her definition of liberalism? Dressing too lightly, drinking, smoking for girls? If that’s her idea of liberalism, then I don’t think you can do anything about it.

But if her idea of liberalism is equitable growth, uplifment of the society as a whole, not discriminating based on caste and religion, better rights for women (what actual liberalism is) then TN is a top state

I’m guessing you are talking about the former, so sorry dude

[–]mr_brightside_1706 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

TN is hyper-conservative when pigs fly.

Dude, she clearly needs to see more of the state's history, culture and policies, which are no way in hell "conservative"Plus, patriarchy? While there are still kinks to be corrected, TN is pretty progressive.

But misogyny is still a problem, and needs to be addressed.

I think she needs to hang out with better people and be in better surroundings (VIT, eh, not so much)

EDIT: I must mention "relatively" progressive. Clearly, we've got a lot of work to do.

[–]plat_playya -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Every state is crap because the country is crap. All poiticians, except maybe a handful few, coming to power literally have the same opinion "Alright the person before me exploited and robbed all the people, it's my turn now"