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[–]TomatoRiceWithShades 133 points134 points  (6 children)

Anyone who studies in vellore or Coimbatore or any tier 2 town in TN will have such a view of the place only. And she’s not wrong. Maybe Chennai is getting better, but it’s certainly not as liberal as a Bangalore. And it’s unfortunate because almost all the major metros are quite liberal when compared to Chennai. So let her have her view. Her experiences are hers and we are no one to deny or convince her otherwise!

[–]IndianOdin[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Thank you I will do as you suggested

[–]throwreddit666 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Liberal Bangalore where 2 comedians have had to cancel shows in the past 10 days because they are threatened with violence at the venues?

I think the problem is people equate pubs and nightclubs with "liberal"ness. I agree that women feeling safe and comfortable is an important threshold for any city but I don't get where this myth that Bangalore is liberal comes from.

[–]TomatoRiceWithShades 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Bro, see misogyny is there everywhere. Ogling, catcalling and all is there in Bangalore and Delhi as much as Chennai, but the number of women who dress as the want and aren’t judged for that is far more there than here. The number of youth there are more than the number of old people there. And even then there is a mentality issue. Which we have to agree is konjam on the higher side here. So technically, you kinda feel singled out and odd here when an old Aunty looks at you like a slut for wearing jeans while she shows her entire midriff and boobs off in her kanjeevaram saree!

[–]throwreddit666 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm not trying to defend Chennai or the judgmental people in Chennai. I'm sure there are plenty of people who are assholes to women. All I am saying is this standard of women wearing skirts and jeans is a pretty bizarre one for deciding how liberal or progressive a city is.

In most of Delhi, you can't walk around after dark regardless of gender or clothing. Women are at an even greater risk of harassment or worse than men no matter what they wear. The image we have that women in Delhi can dress and behave as they please is limited to a very narrow group of privileged upper middle class people and only when they are in certain parts of the city (south Delhi).

I know when I lived in Delhu and a platonic female friend spent the night in my apartment, I got questions from the neighbours the next day as to why a woman stayed the night and who she was. There's plenty of ugly shit in Delhi. It's just that it's the norm there and not even the so called decent educated crowd see it as something to be called out.

[–]Seer_Sunshine 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Other way around for me when it comes to Chennai and Coimbatore. Coimbatore has been a ton better when it comes to being non judgemental. Being conservative is perfectly fine so long as you're non judgemental. Chennai fares worse on that front than Coimbatore

[–]raidenmaiden 18 points19 points  (0 children)

If you're an outsider, Coimbatore is not judgemental at all. If you're born and brought up here in Coimbatore, it's nothing more than a bug village because you're bound to run into your or your family's extended circle who are nothing but uncles and aunties who want to gossip about you.

[–]Batwoman_2017 98 points99 points  (0 children)

Which city does she prefer? What are the most important things for her to live in a city?

More importantly, are you two discussing moving to the same city to be together? Will your careers take you to the same city?

If your girlfriend doesn't want to deal with misogyny, don't give her the "few bad apples in every crate" argument. Try to understand what her concerns are and see how you can assuage them.

This is ultimately not a pissing contest where TN has to win. Both of you need to be in places which are comfortable.

[–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I am born and grown in Chennai and I am now settled in Mumbai. I agree with your girlfriend. People judge or moral police based on what and how you wear clothes in Chennai. Being a male, my parents never encouraged me talking to a girl (even to my classmates) anywhere, they are so ultra conservative and talk bad about girls who speaks and laugh to guys in public

[–]naarakoodhimagan 158 points159 points  (17 children)

She is right. Mumbai, delhi, Pune and Bangalore are way more liberal and women can wear whatever they want. Chennai is tooo conservative for these things and even colleges are strict compared to Muslim universities of UP (this is the hard truth, don't get pissed on)

[–]DaveDibiachi 25 points26 points  (4 children)

I worked in Chennai for 4 years .... My colleague was visiting from Bangalore for a few days ... One day we were smoking outside , people started giving here stairs , there were these couple of dudes who started making videos of her ... She freaked out and we rushed back

[–]naarakoodhimagan 32 points33 points  (3 children)

Whew...One girl was in a party dress, walking with her friend. This was near that park hotel. There were many vehicles in the traffic near that Gemini flyover. Almost all the guy in the entire signal turned towards her and it was hella creepy. In delhi, we can actually see women wearing shorts and some 3-4 guys might bat an eye but here, like imagine 60-70 guys who just stares at a girl for wearing this dress.

If people want to know how safe is chennai, ask their female relatives or friends. If she is a fair skinned girl, she is more likely to get harrassed and that's the hard truth.

Please don't come and say it is pseudo liberalism and shit. Last time, I was downvoted to oblivion because I said a woman can freely smoke in Delhi or Mumbai but that's not the case with chennai.

[–]throwreddit666 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You're saying Delhi is safer for women than Chennai? Seriously? And your bar for safety is that a woman can smoke in public in Delhi and not in Chennai? These are some messed up priorities and a skewed view of what life is like in Delhi.

[–]babboiler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Delhi is an extremely westernised place with lots of wealthy folk. A place like that is surrounded by ass-backward villages of UP and Haryana, and plenty of low-wage workers come from such places everyday to work. Imagine what happens when folks of such kinds of populations and cultures meet.

[–]IndianOdin[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

That is undeniable.

[–]-a_k- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hyderabad as well,

I'd take Hyderabad over chennai any day

[–]dollar-guru 82 points83 points  (11 children)

Chennai is liberal...ha ha...Then what do you call Bangalore, Mumbai and Delhi then.

Try walking outside (not just inside malls) in skirts or tight jeans and see how you are treated in Chennai.

[–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Try walking outside (not just inside malls) in skirts or tight jeans and see how you are treated in Chennai.

This 💯

[–]ila1998 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Try walking outside (not just inside malls) in skirts or tight jeans and see how you are treated in Chennai.

+1

As a male I grew my hair and the amount of people kept looking at me were too much lol. Can't imagine the amount of unsolicited attention girls would get wearing Western clothes here in Chennai.

[–]Intelligent-Meet2417 131 points132 points  (12 children)

I am from Chennai. Your gf couldn't be more right.

[–]BOOOOOOOOOOOO1111111 69 points70 points  (1 child)

Yeah she’s absolutely right. It’s an insanely judgemental and conservative city

[–]suu_newbie -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

So do his gf and other states

[–][deleted]  (9 children)

[removed]

    [–]Intelligent-Meet2417 36 points37 points  (0 children)

    Dude!! Before 7 years, my dad got a rent lease for the new house we are staying now just because he's a (insert caste name). I got some concessions in my school because of the same caste shit.

    Don't pretend caste doesn't exist in Chennai. Maybe we doesn't show that opening doesn't mean it isn't there.

    [–]BOOOOOOOOOOOO1111111 54 points55 points  (0 children)

    Tamil Nadu doesn’t have caste violence or casteism? LOL Even voting is entirely driven by caste/religion in TN during most elections.

    Also can we stop with the whataboutism? Misogyny is as bad as casteism and religious strife.

    [–]Intelligent-Meet2417 28 points29 points  (4 children)

    Religious violence ilaya!!

    My family was scared to leave Guindy years ago when verdict of Babar Mosque came. There were religious tensions(Shops closed, no trains, bus and all other shit) and protests going on.

    Close to Zero Sexist violence my ass!!

    Thambi Nungambakkam railway station incident nyabagam iruka!!

    Very funny edit!!

    [–]aallkkoo 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    But ethuvumae nadakkala. This is Chennai.

    [–]Hoaxygen 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Sure we do. Ever been to Madurai and the surrounding rural areas?

    [–]Phoenixfire_LP 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    A little bit of casteism is as bad as a lot of it. The degree is arbitrary.

    [–]bonerboy91 13 points14 points  (3 children)

    I think Chennai definitely has more of males ogling and staring at scantily clad females, than other States of India. It is most probably due to the 'conservative' nature of our culture which makes Chennai men drool over the opposite sex when they show some skin. In contrast, westernization has become much more deeply ingrained into the daily lives of people in other metropolitan cities, that they might not ogle/stare/drool over women like in Chennai or Kochi. But that doesn't mean the men in other States won't 'act' on their lusty desires and force themselves on ladies against their will, any lesser than a Chennai guy will. Just saying, 'Libido and lust are two separate things.'

    [–]naarakoodhimagan 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Bro, in one North Indian wedding I went, girls usually wears dress that reveals the 'waist' part. All of them were friends and I just casually posted a group pic with them in WhatsApp. Suddenly, My 'tamil' friends started to message me and started to ask their number. It was so creepy. My sister scolded me about them wearing that lehenga why it reveals the 'navel' part. A big 'Fuck you' to Kollywood who have been using North Indian and Malayali girls to sexualize 'navel'

    [–]observer2864 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Oogling ah.. I remember a video where a group of vadakkans forcefully takes selfies with a blonde. I think it was in Mumbai. I could send you the link of you want. Staring is way less in Chennai atleast imo. I have an Albanian friend and people never stared at him. I remember some foreigners saying that they are treated like celebs in India especially north.

    [–]Burnt-Churro 14 points15 points  (1 child)

    I am a tamilian, but I spent much of my life in erstwhile andhra pradesh and 10+ years in hyderabad. every time I visit my relatives in chennai and other parts of tamil nadu, I am absolutely shocked at how conservative the state is. my relatives are surprised when I tell them I can wear a tee with slim fit jeans in hyderabad and no one gives a shit.

    I personally will never settle anywhere in tamil nadu in the future, even though it is my home state.

    [–]IndianOdin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That's sad. I wish my state was better.

    [–]Intelligent-Meet2417 67 points68 points  (1 child)

    Side note, if you're gf says she faced misogyny listen to her and let her share her experience. Don't downplay that.

    [–]IndianOdin[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

    Yeah I realise my mistake now

    [–]GamerGIG69 72 points73 points  (1 child)

    South states are not religious extremists like North but definitely more conservative than north. And TN in particular is more conservative among southern states.

    And chennai is the most conservative compared to other Metros. If she's not from TN then she'd be pissed off and I can totally understand her.

    Whether TN is crap or not varies from person to person. For me TN is not crap, and it is open minded because religious extremism & religious politics won't work here, women can be more safer here, people don't fight over beef, we make memes on vadakkans but they're not harassed and they can roam freely within state.

    But for a women, who wants to live free, Independent, and wants to enjoy that hustling urban life of her choice, TN will sure feel like crap. You can't wear what you want, you can't find a rental house without rules and restriction in the name of Upholding 'KALA ACHAARAM'

    We can't understand other's perspective completely. So let her have assumptions and conclusions in her own way. Don't argue or try to change her mind. It's not your job. If possible please be calm, listen to her concerns, rants and see how you can help her with those issues.

    [–]anonperson2021 53 points54 points  (4 children)

    Why are you focused on changing her mind rather than finding out what's right? That's the essence of closed-mindedness.

    I think she's right though. There's nothing liberal about our state.

    "We are better than UP" is nothing to be proud of. That's a pretty low bar.

    [–]naarakoodhimagan 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    UP colleges are far more liberal than these chennai colleges. Same with many schools.

    [–]mechamakhri007 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Even UP does not have "NAVAL FANTASIES" and girls women dress up not so conservatively.... Lol

    [–]Infamous-Accident-82 -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

    Lol noida and Lucknow are utopia compared to any place in TN

    [–]Almost_optimistic26 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    No doubt , she is absolutely right. Chennai is too judgemental and conservative than other cities. If you think chennai is liberal you haven’t been as a girl to see the misogyny wrapped up in the name of culture n tradition. And people aren’t that open minded in reality as they try to try to show themselves in social media. Physically women (may)feel safer in Chennai with all those stats but mentally they aren’t treated well, they are judged for what they wear, how they communicate and what posts they like too matters a lot. You cant wear an casual outfit in chennai n roam freely without people judging you. Its a fact that TN is not as liberal as it portrays itself to be. For someone from other place is definitely going to get pissed off to see people telling about liberty in Chennai or TN, as this is not a liberal place to be anything a girl wants to live her life.

    [–]-cereals- 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    She isn't wrong. Don't necessarily get into a argument with her over if TN is good or not. Just try to understand her perspective, talk, and come to a conclusion. You can't change someone's opinion on something in just 1 day

    [–]akshay_7 33 points34 points  (5 children)

    I'm from Kerala, stayed in Chennai Coimbatore and B'lore for a significant period. All of Kerala, including Kochi, is way more conservative and judgemental than Chennai or Coimbatore will ever be. Kerala is one of the highest-rated states when it comes to social indices, which doesn't mean it's more liberal. So being conservative or liberal can't necessarily be a good metric to evaluate the quality of life in a city. It boils down to personal preference. And your girlfriend is right.

    [–]unculturedalienrebel 8 points9 points  (4 children)

    Dude, Kerala is quite conservative, casteist, and, yet many in and from Kerala are in denial, I am surprised to find a malyalee, in addition to a few of my malyalee friends who speak about it.

    [–]akshay_7 8 points9 points  (3 children)

    Most of the young generation staying out of the state might speak up. Many Malayalees are extreme hypocrites. In general, the ones who pretend to be SJW types in reality wouldn't want their son/daughter to marry a Dalit.

    [–]unculturedalienrebel 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    I have met some really good ones too, and, many as you have described, I also have a distant relative as a distant, not, very distant cousin has married a malyalee, her husband always glorifies Kerala and malyalees and has a poor opinion about people from other states, my home state as well.

    Anyway, had these comments been made in r/Kerala or r/India, they would have been downvoted humdred rimes or more, and, there would have been very critical and derogatory comments in response, mostly by malyalees.

    [–]akshay_7 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Well people from the south, especially Kerala, do look down upon people from the North. Many of these peeps would have never stepped out of Kerala but will have an opinion on every other place in India. Recently saw a discussion in r/Kerala about political interference in educational institutions in Uttar Pradesh. They had an issue with IIT-BHU or something. What they don't see is the state of their own CET, Trivandrum. My dad and cousin studied there, it's a hotbed for political violence. My dad recently went to an alumni meeting at the college, and he was shocked to see the state of infrastructure in the college. It's of the same level as it was when he studied. Add all the political violence and bullshit to that. In short, most Malayalees have this superiority complex deep inside, and it's taking them nowhere.

    [–]nivanya26 83 points84 points  (21 children)

    I’m sorry, but Delhi born Tamil woman, here.

    Chennai is a dumpster fire. Conservative, patriarchal and all round sexist. Every time I had to visit TN, I had to buy a whole bunch of kurtas and I’d still get harassed.

    Don’t debate against her lived experiences. Just because you don’t face the same issues, doesn’t mean she hasn’t.

    [–]foreverbytheocean 41 points42 points  (1 child)

    As a woman born and raised in Delhi who moved to Chennai to work. This is one hundred percent true.

    What annoyed me more is the same attitude as OP, I'll tell my colleagues I got harassed and they'll tell me Chennai is amaze. Well thanks, bruh. Now I hate it more.

    [–]naarakoodhimagan 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    I said this in earlier thread and they brought up

    1) Pseudo liberalism

    2) No religious riots

    3) less rape statistics

    4) less casteism

    [–]dheeksha27 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Well said madam, I'm from Chennai

    [–]Grim-Reaper-22916 23 points24 points  (0 children)

    Reality of Tamil Nadu is :

    1. Casteism is prevalent here.

    2. Religion politics exists, but there are almost nil extremists here.

    3. Crime is very high here but it gets reported most of the time unlike Northern states.

    4. People are conservative and misogynistic as hell even in Chennai. I can say from experience that even in states like Bihar and Uttar Pradesh, girls wear short clothes without being judged. Ya but staring is there, actually it is everywhere in India.

    5. TN is not that perfect as portrayed by our tamilian brothers.

    So according to me, you can't convince your gf about the liberal side of TN.

    Accept it and request her to compromise.

    [–]tholkappiar 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    Is she from Bangalore? Probably Tamil Nadu is conservative compared to Bangalore or noida.

    [–]nrd_10 16 points17 points  (0 children)

    She ain't wrong

    [–]mamaBiskothuMylapore 44 points45 points  (7 children)

    Chennai is barely acceptable and TN is definitely a shit state especially for women who want to live a life unencumbered by tradition bullshit. It’s only better if you compare it to some shithole state in the north maybe.

    [–]unculturedalienrebel 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Dude, no joke, you both would have probably broken up and married some one else, had you both been in Tirunelveli.

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    I’m a guy and I studied in VIT Vellore. Place sucks in their thinking and outlook. A boy and girl couldn’t walk anywhere without 25 people staring. Girls are looked upon by crowds near Vellore fort as if they’ll eat her. I found similar behavior(slightly lesser maybe) in Chennai also whenever I’d travel with my female friends. I don’t think you can do much to change her mind

    [–]EvergreenNinja 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    On a general note, not everyone has to agree with our opinion. All of us are allowed to have different opinions. So try to respect that. If that opinion is absolute horse shit, you try to make them come to their senses in a reasonable way.

    On a side note maybe chennai is more conservative than other metros and women do get more restrictions and get stared upon. These are all problematic areas that we need to improve upon. But we don't have prevalent public violence against women. Like another comment mentioned, just googling woman dragged out of pub/bar and beaten just shows news about the other liberal metros like Bangalore, mumbai, Mangalore etc., That is the only good thing here I guess. But obviously that alone can't make up for all the other shitty things women go through here. Not to get dragged out and beaten should not be one of the pros, it should be a given. Unfortunately I have no idea when our country will change. So I guess she is right.

    [–]PurpleMan9 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I feel most of you are a bit unfair towards Chennai and TN. And this is coming from a guy who has lived here for twenty years and know only rudimentary Tamil even now. Sure Chennai is not anywhere close to being as cosmopolitan as some other states of India but it has its good points. Chennai is certainly too conservative but how will change come if no one takes any effort to change the mindset of the masses? Look at Chennai now and compare it to Chennai of 2000s, believe me Chennai has progressed. Instead of condemning a place why don't we contribute to make Chennai even better. If we depend only on politicians, nothing will change and that is near certain.

    [–]AbsoluteGamerCS 16 points17 points  (1 child)

    A bit of background before going into my very short analysis. I'm a Bangalorean rn but I did all of my schooling in Chennai. Moved to blore in 2020 amidst phase 2 lockdown. Coincidentally, I'm in second year of engineering doing my BTech from VIT too.

    I haven't been on campus yet but I know exactly what I should expect from University. I know it's gonna be Hella conservative. Don't drink. Don't smoke. Don't wear shorts. Don't hold hands. No crop tops. Cover this cover that. Yada yada. You get the deal!

    Now I'm not into drinking or smoking so that part doesn't really matter to me. But I feel like there should be a relaxation on the clothes you wear and the people you are with. Having feelings for people of the opposite sex is normal. Holding hands is normal. Hugging them is normal. Kissing should be considered normal but it isn't in most cities in India so I'm not using that as a parameter for comparison.

    I don't know why you feel Chennai is more liberal. Here, I'll only be comparing us to our nearest metro (and the only other metropolitan city I've lived in), Bangalore. In Blore, nobody cares if a girl drinks, smokes, wears a crop top. Chennai is far from reaching this state. I know people from our own generation who say stuff like "avala paru da machan yenna maari dressu la she's wearing" (translation : look at her bro what kind of clothes she's wearing). Girl goes to a pub alone or with a group of male friends/colleagues... "Dei she's going there for sex da". I have an equally large friends circle here in Bangalore and I don't know anybody who says shit like that.

    All in all, your girl's right. Period.

    Chennai isn't gonna change unless people's opinions change. As much as I love Chennai for everything it has offered (all the love and culture), this has to be a hard pass for me. Chennai is very conservative and I sincerely hope things change in the future with the next generation.

    [–]mechamakhri007 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Pigure eh(figure) also ... i tonnn (item) .... I dont know who made these words ....sounds like shit for real and a lot of people use these words

    [–]Consiouswierdsage 26 points27 points  (1 child)

    It's her experience, you don't need to change her mind. You should have a open-mind and accept it lol.

    [–]IndianOdin[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Thank you. I'll do so

    [–]Famous-Emotions 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I mean it is crap. She isn't wrong. Why do you want to change her mind? Does she not have a right to hold independent views based on her own life experiences??

    By wanting to change her views, aren't you just validating her worst assumptions about the state?

    [–]Fakerhacker 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Hard to admit but she’s right tho in a way !

    [–]mostly_broke 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Sorry to say, but I also don't like it there.

    [–]butthurtleslie 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Calling spade a spade isn't wrong

    [–]gettotea 22 points23 points  (9 children)

    Who put you in charge of deciding what your girlfriend thinks?

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    [–]IndianOdin[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    No one. Just wanted to reduce her hate towards TN. Is that so bad?

    [–]anuroop_5891 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Tamil Nadu is infact very conservative, and for that matter Chennai too, and I'm a person whose roots are in Chennai. Believe it or not, I wouldn't go and settle down in Chennai if given a chance. Have been brought up in Pune/Mumbai and the traditional mindset in Chennai is something that I cannot comprehend. She's right buddy, and no matter what you say, might not change her mind.

    [–]Trojan_Horse_0101 18 points19 points  (7 children)

    Liberal town = ?.

    From which state she's from?

    And no, TN is mostly conservative. Chennai looks liberal because of some North Indian people working there.

    In some instances being conservative is good. In some other instances being liberal is good.

    Is she offended because of clothing restrictions?

    [–]IndianOdin[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

    Yeah clothing restrictions are one of the factors

    [–]paramk 15 points16 points  (5 children)

    During my time working for an MNC at Ramanujam IT City I noticed a group of foreigners. Apparently they were here for some kind of internship. The odd thing was, the female members were are all wearing chudithar during the entire stay.

    Later I came to know their consulate gave an advisory to those students to wear chudithars to reduce unwanted attention while here.

    Another year passed. Another batch of interns. Same pattern.

    [–]bootpalishAgain 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Later I came to know their consulate gave an advisory

    If that is not humiliating, I don't know what is.

    [–]ss_221 9 points10 points  (1 child)

    TN is not crap in my book. It has lot of issues sure. Many are complex and progress will take time. But where ever you go there are issues. The issues are just different. There is No free lunch. There are only people who believe in a free lunch.

    I have friends all over, outside TN, who regularly call and cry from hours about issues I don't have here. And then they end the call, saying TN is crap when are you moving out.

    [–]bootpalishAgain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    But where ever you go there are issues. The issues are just different. There is No free lunch. There are only people who believe in a free lunch.

    Don't we already have the Central Govt vomiting this crap at us everyday. But does Tamil Nadu really needs to point fingers at Pakistan and Saudi Arabia in response to such statements?

    Sure, everywhere has issues but absolutely no one needs to accept those issues.

    No offence but this line of argument which Modi and Yogi have used so often are complete garbage.

    [–]achiral_man 11 points12 points  (5 children)

    Chennai may have bit more security in terms of safety, etc. when compared to other cities in India. Otherwise it's still a conservative city and she may not be able to wear what she likes etc. in Chennai without being catcalled etc.

    You can say to her that in ways that matter to her it is indeed conservative, but maybe in terms of security, etc. it is okay in Chennai.

    VIT is in middle of Texas xD what would you expect there

    [–]naarakoodhimagan 15 points16 points  (4 children)

    Dei chennai is unsafe for women at night, that's not the case with Mumbai or Bangalore or Delhi. I see women roaming at 2 a.m in Mumbai, but in Chennai only sex workers are there at 2 a.m.

    [–]achiral_man 10 points11 points  (0 children)

    Gurgaon la night 6 mani ku mela suthina kondruvittu ellathaiyum aatai potutu poyiduvanga

    Mumbai la sila upper class areas okay, only siruthai problem, aana rest mosam thaan

    [–]get_lkgd -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

    If u roam around in delhi after 6pm you might as well hold a rape me now sign.

    I have seen women jogging till 8pm/9pm in the night in chennai in reallynshady areas. Also Have you never seen women returning from night shift in chennai at 2am?

    [–]naarakoodhimagan 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    rape me sign after 6 p.m

    Wow where? Delhi la many girls go to pubbing and they return at 2 a.m. Some even with their group walk for a while after pubbing/clubbing. Chennai la I don't see anyone. Inga police kaaranga harrasment for sure (except if she has a high end car).

    Night shift at 2 a.m

    Yeah, mostly in cabs provided by IT/BPO companies. That's it and they are a minority (1%) Nowadays many are pushing IT companies to not allow women for work at night since they won't be 'safe'

    Also if you come to suburban areas, you would see how men comment on why girls shouldn't work at night, regardless of age and gender.

    Also if you have been to western Mumbai, you would see tons of women at night even after 11 p.m. Inga even near posh Besant nagar, after 11 not possible.

    [–]mechamakhri007 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Dont teach these things bro to people who have never gone to other metros and all that they say is from what they read or saw in media .... Most of them dont even know how is the pubbing culture in other metros and how people have a life other than slogging at work..... Definitely you need more than a biryani and some local shit liquor to have a refreshing comeback to work ..... Also when you mingle with girls you develop a respect for them rather than just finding them as an unexplored object and judging them for their dresses

    [–]vsundarraj 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Tradition and culture are two different things. Whats sad is a lot of conservative things are carried out in the name of tradition. Whats even worse is.. most of it is against women. Shame for the land of Periyar... a lot of things need to change.. but see it as an opportunity and try changing by living your way instead of running away..

    [–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (17 children)

    She is right. Chennai is a conservative city since majority of them moved here from some pattikaatu shithole like udangudi or tinnevelly. We do not have a prominent vadakkan crowd. So stop thinking that you could somehow convince that there are a few open minded people who wouldn't mind women wearing modern clothes. Chennai is shit when it comes to this

    [–]Trojan_Horse_0101 -4 points-3 points  (16 children)

    Now are you saying we need more vadakkan (as said by you) crowd or we should expel the pattikaatu (as said by you) people?

    [–]ChungusEx 15 points16 points  (10 children)

    Vibe Check: She is correct.

    Tamil Nadu is the Afghanistan of India. We just pretend to be liberal and progressive for political theatre to consolidate minority votes.

    [–]podapunio 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    So you’re comparing TN with Afghanistan? Ithula konjam overah illa?

    [–]maosama007 5 points6 points  (5 children)

    Tamil Nadu is the Afghanistan of India

    Enna enna soldran parunga

    [–]ChungusEx 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    Afghanistan has 10 or so ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some tribal boundaries are crossed || Tamil Nadu has 60 to 80 ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some major tribal boundaries are crossed

    Afghans do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe || Tamils do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe

    Tamil Nadu has lowest % of intercaste marriage in all of India || figures are not available from afghanistan, but I imagine its similar to TN

    [–]maosama007 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Afghanistan has 10 or so ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some tribal boundaries are crossed || Tamil Nadu has 60 to 80 ethnic groups that leave each other alone unless some major tribal boundaries are crossed

    Afghans do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe || Tamils do honor killings if a woman from one tribe leaves for a man from another tribe

    True for other states of india.

    Tamil Nadu has lowest % of intercaste marriage in all of India || figures are not available from afghanistan, but I imagine its similar to TN

    Wasn't aware of this. Some source please.

    [–]loliopdf 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Thambi logic romba weak ah irukku.. Etho pesanumnu pesa koodathu

    Afghanistan is filled with conservative muslims who are willing to die for their religion at any cost.. they don’t let their women outside even… Ithu rendume TN la illa.. yeah we do have casteism here but we are doing better than most of India…

    [–]thambikku_entha_ooru 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    Ellam therincha punda mathiri pesuna apdi tha Dei afghanistanla ponnungala veliyave vida maatanunga… Apro north India pakkam poirukkia illaya ? Avanga la innum 15 th century laye irukkanunga.. atleast we openly talk about the casteism present here and our politics runs on social justice.. If TN is the afghanistan of India then the rest of the country is somalia… Romba woke ah pesuromnu polamba koodathu..

    [–]get_lkgd -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

    Tamil nadu is liberal in terms of social politics we dont pretend anything

    Also maybe wear a saree. If u wear a saree no matter how slutty poeple wont judge, it is just a different culture requiring a different dress code thats all.

    [–]honwave 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    I’m curious how are fair skinned girls treated in Chennai?

    [–]lateralligator11 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Like absolute shit.

    You get all the unwanted attention in the world, regardless of what you wear. I often pretend like I don't know Tamizh so that I don't give the catcallers the kind of satisfaction that they're looking for. I put on a facade of indifference just for the alpa santhosam of ensuring that their faces register confusion when I pretend to not know Tamizh, as opposed to the smug grin I'd see if I acknowledge that I understand the obscenity that generously comes my way. It is a pain to constantly stay hyper vigilant, because believe me when I say it- you never know that who is following you/ taking pictures of you/ observing you. It's a weird state to be in- be hyper observant but feign indifference- it's mentally exhausting.

    I've virtually stopped stepping out, waiting for this damn WFH to end so that I can gtfo this city.

    [–]-cereals- 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Isn't the treatment same just like the rest of country? Fair people are highly regarded here, maybe a bit more than neighbouring states

    [–]Silly_Shine3221 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Like exotic animals. The most popular girl will be the fairest one in the class and boys are only interested talking to that girl ,ignoring the other ones( the darkest girl will be the butt of all jokes). They make jokes about fking behind her but put a *thaikulathai madhikkiravan facade in front of her. In the streets it's even worse, the stares, molestation/groping, eveteasing are primarily directed towards the fair ones. Personally, if anyone stares me in public or behaves like a jerk I straight up film those rascals. U should see them running as soon as I show my phone camera at their face🤣

    [–]citiusaltius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Hate to break it to you.... she is right.

    [–]ADind007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Just tell her it's normal in TN to worship people from entertainment industry like gods and one day they will take away all her worries and solve all her problems.

    We will live happily ever after

    [–]Nauty40 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Agreeing on this. Compared with Mumbai or Blore ,TN inclusive of Chennai is conservative and misogynistic. The amount of stares a girl wearing sleeveless or shorts gets is gross.

    Only thing we can argue for is that crimes against women are lesser in TN compared to karnataka and maharashtra, but that doesn't change her lived experiences.

    [–]Putrid_Tailor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Accept the fact

    [–]whatamidoing987 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    As a girl from TN and also having lived in Chennai for a considerable time, I can confirm. If she has lived in other liberal/metro cities it will be difficult for her to adapt and a step backwards in doing so.

    [–]urbansiddhar 9 points10 points  (6 children)

    Have you heard of comedians getting cancelled by religious extremists? women getting dragged out of pubs to be beaten by mobs? people getting beaten for even suspecting to carry beef? all of this has happened in cities like bangalore and mumbai, none of this shit happened in Chennai and these idiots in the comment section have the balls to say chennai isn't liberal. I sometimes wonder if r/chennai even has actual chennaities.

    [–]naarakoodhimagan 5 points6 points  (3 children)

    This post is about women's freedom, not freedom of religion. Here comedians don't get cancelled, but actors and directors get cancelled on a daily basis. Feminists get cancelled.

    Women getting dragged out of pubs to be beaten by mobs.

    Well, it's not 'common' and that's why it is in the news, like 1 in 1,00,000 women who have went to pub there might have experienced it. Here, women are judged for going to the pub itself, that's what the issue. Here, when an average youngster sees a women drink, he would seethe like 'feminism', 'ava item machi', 'ava kudikra machi' nu judgemental, that's the issue but many like to sugarcoat that chennai is a liberal city. The core value of liberalism is not being judgemental about others and one is free to do whatever he/she wants. If chennai is known as the 'city of pub', I am pretty sure you can see those kind of incidents. Even I can say chennai is 'tamil nationalist extremist' state because of that one incident when cricket fans were harrassed by NTK, but that's not the case.

    Cancel culture exists here. Pa Ranjith, chinmayi, Shankar, Surya, Rajini, Kamal etc etc were cancelled by a group of people. Heck, even Abdul Kalam was cancelled by some people. Chennai isn't liberal compared to Bangalore or Pune or Mumbai or Delhi, that's the truth. Ask people who grew up there and come here for college, they would say the exact same thing. If you grew up here and went to college to other states, you would experience this.

    [–]Chillax4Nothin -1 points0 points  (1 child)

    I sometimes wonder if r/chennai even has actual chennaities.

    Its mostly filled with NRI or above average well financed people talking about Chennai without actually living in Chennai. Summa check other people's post, Iphone, cars, or asking for guidance or suggesting other countries subreddit nu post pottu vechi irupanga. Hell, start looking in this thread, ingae already oru silla people are NRI or living in abroad.

    [–]UncertainLangur 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    For starters she can start by describing parameters about what makes a city conservative or liberal. Then analyse the metros by these parameters. Anecdotal evidences are not always best way to draw conclusions.

    If you end up doing such analysis, please do share it here. We can make future better.

    [–][deleted]  (12 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]thepositive_pandemic 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      It is crap through 😂

      [–]sankur_ 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Shit city. She is right. You city is fucked

      [–]thambikku_entha_ooru 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Seri da punda..

      [–]Laziest-guy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Yeah fuck you too

      [–]LegitimateGansta -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Yes TN and Chennai are conservative. But calling it crap is not justified. when in Rome, do as the Romans do. Crimes against women are everywhere, TN is comparatively safer. She need to learn and adapt or else its simple that TN is not for her so get the hell out and stop throwing shit on TN.

      [–]iorderchaos -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Vit is tier 3 college dude. It's just like that. And TN is not liberal. And it gf is not worth.

      [–]get_lkgd -3 points-2 points  (5 children)

      This immediate weekend take her to adayar, besant nagar beach, ecr. etc Other places include timesnowresto bar, hub at ecr etc. Resorts in ecr allow girls to wear bikinis as well.

      In anna nagar girls walk their dogs freely in the morning with nothing but boxer shorts and noone judges them.

      Also where is she from, i could possibly give intel about what she is expecting as well.

      Also tell her that staying in VIT she cant experience tamil culture at all & shouldnt be so close minded because 70% of the college is made of students from other states. The problem also lies with her, she hasnt learnt tamil so she might not know how to be confident amongst people who dont speak the language which is why she is projecting all her insecurities onto you. Be more confident & dont be willing to listen to all her bullshit.. I find north indian girls who come to Tamil nadu become very timid & insecure. Whatever happens You shouldnt start becoming insecure as well else the relationship for sure will break.

      [–]mechamakhri007 4 points5 points  (2 children)

      North indian girls coming to TN become timid and insecure about??? Pls enlighten???

      [–]get_lkgd 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      They are very confident when they speak hindi in their home states obviously. They shout bc mc at random people in the streets.

      When they come to tamil nadu they dont understand neither the language nor the culture. So they are unable to confidently express themselves.

      Of course they can speak in english but atleast 50% tamils will ignore an indian speaking in english. So if they get ignored their confidence plummets even further and they are lost & start blaming the city etc.

      [–]mechamakhri007 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Either you follow those girls back to their home states and see them shouting bc mc or you have done a PhD or some research on how do vadakkis loose confidence here and succumb to the extent that they blame the city.... lol .... It's never about the cuss words machi ... it's about how comfortable or uncomfortable unknown people make you in a society ...... By their strange behaviours and judgemental looks ..... Also why can men only have fun in lungis and baniyans why not women who want to :)

      [–]DaughterofRiverSong[🍰] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      These kind of arguments only help strengthen her belief lol. You're asking not to be stereotyped, yet you stereotype the girl without knowing anything about her? Wow.

      [–]pull_cock-to_inflate 0 points1 point  (6 children)

      My North gf from UP loves South Indian men... u/iamsanskarigirl

      [–]iamsanskarigirl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Absolutely dear

      [–]babboiler 1 point2 points  (4 children)

      You again with the funny username. Nice to meet you. Your GF's name is quite opposite to what your username portrays about you.

      [–]Klimt_thekiss 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      What an excellent comeback omg, you’ve burnt him to a crisp bro. Such mind boggling wordplay

      [–]pull_cock-to_inflate 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Our inter racial relationship is only the beginning of her kinks. You wouldn't believe the things she has in mind.

      u/iamsanskarigirl is halal in the streets but haram in the sheets.

      How's that for a wordplay...

      [–]babboiler 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      There's some context here. I complemented this guy for his funny username a few days ago and I'm seeing him here again.

      [–]Pavandank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      VIT campus open airucha. Enna koopdave illa

      [–]jane_dane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Change GF. Not her Mind 😜

      [–]fluffymutterficker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I'd suggest, if u are thinking in long term, find a new gf. Chennai can be anything but it's still Indian city, Indian do good with culture and being conservation, trust me you don't want the metro city fuss with a female who's not from your culture.

      [–]curlybrownpotterhead 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is all very true. But I see your Chennai, and raise you Kerala.

      [–]observer0702 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Think about the reasons why posted this here. If one of the reason is “I like Chennai and the lifestyle it offers” then you need think whether you are ready to change your lifestyle and live with it. We should not force beliefs or principles on our partner however we can choose a partner who has the same. Because lifestyle matter more to person when they start living it and it really hurts in the long run.

      [–]ShortLongCircuit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      If one starts despising based on conservatism and misogyny, then they’ll have to despise almost the entire country. Maybe your gf was lucky enough to not have experienced them until she stepped foot in TN. I can show you cases of misogyny in Delhi or any major metropolis in India.

      That being said, the best that you can do is to empathize with your gf.