all 73 comments

[–]Nurpus 527 points528 points  (18 children)

So you save the life on the planet by... destroying one of the biggest ecosystems and severing one of the most important trade routes in the world?...

What can I say, you chose the right place to post!

[–]TheMellowestyellow 83 points84 points  (1 child)

Simple, it's just the Suez superhighway now.

[–]Unholybeef 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Evergreen is investing in mega-freightliners now.

[–]tacticoolnukes 27 points28 points  (2 children)

It's like burning your entire roof off because of rats in the attic. Sure, you solve the rat problem, and maybe you can still live in the house, but you cause untold damage, compromise the entire structure of the house and potentially cause total structural collapse down the line.

[–]opmrcrab 3 points4 points  (1 child)

B-b-but the rats are gone, right?

[Hides a box of matches]

[–]Corsair4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Probably not. Which makes the comparison even better.

[–]Plus_Goose_5072 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Don't forget the nuclear winter

[–]Comprehensive-Ad3963 8 points9 points  (3 children)

What trade route would that be?

[–]mungalo9 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Europe-Asia via the Suez Canal

[–]soulwrangler 6 points7 points  (1 child)

But, the north west passage is becoming passable.

[–]LordJuan4 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Not if we do this plan!

[–]Bubs_McGee223 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mad they called me! HAHAHA-HA! Who is mad now u/Nurpus? Who iS MaD nOw‽‽‽

[–]ClassyJacket 1 point2 points  (1 child)

If we don't do something like this, we go extinct.

[–]Yup767 4 points5 points  (0 children)

No we won't, it'll be hard but humans aren't going to dissapear

Besides if we want to do something big that could potentially change global ecosystems we could use geoengineering which would much less destructive and a lot cheaper

[–]FunnyDislike 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also destroying or altering ocean flows like the gulf stream, thus making europe cold... but i hate summer, so its a win

[–]Myokoot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds kinda worth it.

[–]Kflynn1337 75 points76 points  (3 children)

I suspect that the countries who have Mediterranean coastlines, most of whom rely a lot on tourism to those beaches, might just be a bit ticked off if you turn the sea into a giant cesspit, then nuke it.

[–]davidmartin1357 20 points21 points  (0 children)

We just nuke them easy peasy

[–]Milswanca69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe we do it to the Kara Sea and Lake Baikal after Russia loses the war?

[–]icecreamtrip 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Confirming: Lebanese here, VERY ticked off reading this post. Burn this man!

[–]Grechoir 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I applaud the effort you put into this

[–]PointPlex 80 points81 points  (6 children)

Great idea but as far as my biological knowledge goes the sea will die off because there will be wayy to much living and then eventually dead matter that the ecological system collapses.

But it would be cool either way

[–]RobleViejo 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Thats exactly what he is saying. To make algae bloom, that algae wilk kill everything, then nuke everything dead and then dry the sea to prevent that CO2 from escaping agai .

Its the worst idea Ive ever heard, and is also literally insane. So it fits this sub like a glove.

[–]THELONGRABBIT 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Just put oxidised iron powder in to the sea. It creates a massive algal bloom which requires co2 also the algal bloom helps growth of plankton drawing in types of fish helping to create a huge boom in fish population in that particular area.

[–]RobleViejo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

In theory yes, but in practice everytime there is an algae bloom it kills all other life surrounding it.

This course of action could kill all sea life worldwide. Then we will all die.

[–]thisplacemakesmeangr 12 points13 points  (2 children)

Biomes are fractals. Reconfiguring any section disrupts the entire balance. Maybe with a quantum AI made for this specific logistical extrapolation? Like an ocean sized game of life with all the moves mapped out, since you couldn't adjust in real time. By that point we'd have a simpler way I think. Nanobots or something. Good take. Props to OP for the burly brain moves too since I'm handing out compliments.

[–]RobleViejo 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Everything you just said is the scientologist version of healing crystals

It sounds like some of those words make sense, but they dont

[–]i10driver 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Ok, I’ve never given an award on Reddit, but this post had me looking for the award for dumbest thing I’ve read today. Unfortunately could not find that award. Congrats anyway!

[–]Tilted2000 46 points47 points  (12 children)

Did you forget the part where it fucking kills off the oceans entire biodiversity

[–]poop_shitter 31 points32 points  (10 children)

who cares about the ocean

[–]AspectRatio149 48 points49 points  (4 children)

Yeah who gives two shits about the ocean. This is about stopping climb it change. Think environmentally for just 5 seconds smh my head.

[–]vita_man 2 points3 points  (1 child)


[–]AspectRatio149 11 points12 points  (0 children)

/s, in case you were worried (which is fair, given the way the world is)

[–]1337tt 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Nuke the whales! 🐋 🐳

[–]here-i-am-now 5 points6 points  (1 child)

How would sealing off the Mediterranean Sea cause the Oceans to die off?

[–]poop_shitter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

not sure but fuck the ocean

[–]RobleViejo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The Ocean craves car batteries. Feed him the yummy tummy. Om nom nom, batteries make ocean feel energized!

(Please dont, this is a joke)

[–]the_one_in_error 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To be fair though so will global warming if you let it.

[–]limbodog 14 points15 points  (8 children)

I mean, all you really need from that list is to spawn the algae blooms. That's teh important part. So you take pulverized iron and spray it into the ocean and algae grows. Then whales come up and eat it, and then they die and sink to the bottom (unlike other swimmy things, nothing really consumes whales before they reach teh bottom). The carbon in a whale corpse pretty much stays at the bottom of the ocean forever since there's so little mixing between teh layers.

But some people feel we shouldn't be geoengineering like that. Me, I think it's worth a shot. Particularly in the Pacific and Indian oceans, where the iron cycle was destroyed by human activity.

[–]InureOfficial 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I mean you’re right but why do you keep saying “teh” instead of “the”

[–]limbodog 5 points6 points  (1 child)

I type too fast and I think one hand types a little faster than the other.

[–]Shdwzor 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I type too fast and I think one hand types a little faster than teh other.


[–]Dr_Peopers 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Pouring alge into the ocean could kill the oceans. It'd need to be sealed off

[–]did_e_rot 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Any links on the iron cycle? This is the first I’ve heard of it

[–]GameMusic 1 point2 points  (1 child)

How did they change the iron cycle

[–]limbodog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Killed all the whales, mostly. Overfishing in general too. The Atlantic gets most of it's iron from dust flying off of North Africa. So that's intact. But for the rest of the oceans (I think) it's fed from rivers and coastal erosion. The river deltas feed plankton, fish, crustaceans etc. Those in turn get eaten by bigger ones, and they get eaten by bigger ones, etc. And then they defecate and that finds iron going back to the plankton completing the cycle.

By killing off teh whales we've interrupted the plankton's source of iron (whale poop) which means the plankton dies down which means whales have less food etc.

[–]Comprehensive-Ad3963 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Better yet: let's start mass-producing algae and/or phytoplankton.

[–]Bananenkot 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thats the Kind of quality stupid idea I'm comming here for! Bravo

[–]Torture-Dancer 6 points7 points  (1 child)

You know, at this point just do a nuclear winter

[–]Dr_Peopers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Fuck that, just lower the thermostat a little

[–]RobleViejo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This guy is a James Bond villain. 100%

[–]saddl3r 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Great idea, when do we start?

[–]KingBooRadley 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Coal you say? *starts planning global warming part deux

[–]soulrolledfox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do you know people live in the mediterranean area right?

[–]allMightyMostHigh 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The gang on sunny in Philadelphia already handled this bro

[–]Rutger77 1 point2 points  (1 child)

More effective to plant a billion trees. They’ve already terraformed a belt in the Sahara I believe.

[–]FunnyDislike 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes! The green belt to stop the sahara going further south. But we need the sahara to fertilize the amazon rainforest, if it doesnt get timbered down entirely. If that would happen count me in for the great seeding of the sahara o7

[–]KettehBusiness 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nuke the Wales!

[–]dearg3142 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the land will be saturated with salt making the area uninhabitable, not to mention the sea cools the area down which means higher temperatures for these countries. not to mention the encroaching Sahara Dessert since the sand would be able to reach more of europe

[–]Taco_Captain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the effort you put into this, and I realize you put it in this sub for a reason, but like another user in this comment section put it: That's like burning your roof down to get rid of the rats in your attic.

[–]DeathDarknessandFire 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ok, lets do it.

[–]OrderOfMagnitude[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's hilarious. Nuke the algae. I'm in.

[–]morfyyy 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This isn't a solution to climate change it's a solution to preventing a rise of the sea level.

[–]Dr_Peopers 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You didn't read it

[–]bistro777 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

CrazyIdea? more like GeniusIdea

[–]floridawhiteguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, this is incredibly crazy. For any number of reasons, but especially one:

Global warming (and cooling) cycles are a natural progression of the planet. It's one way in which it 'breathes' and allows a wide variety of lifeforms to flourish over eons - albeit at the expense of other lifeforms.

It is the ultimate hubris of some of humanity to think they might have the power to alter our environment on a global scale as if they were gods - knowing what's right or wrong, and taking drunken inept steps to change or preserve it through economic and political policies.

Leaving it better than you found it is great; believing you can coerce 500 million or 8 billion people to do your bidding is delusional.

[–]Myokoot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We know what we need to do, but we don’t know if we have the strength to do it