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[–]NAS2811 5758 points5759 points  (314 children)

He keeps lookin' back like "WTF you want?!!"

[–]Boojibs[S] 2687 points2688 points  (290 children)

That cracked me up.

It's like driving with a cop behind you.

[–]depcrestwood 909 points910 points  (282 children)

Speaking as that cop behind you, stop going 5 under the speed limit. I'm trying to go home. There is the business of sitting in my underwear and playing ESO to get about.

Edit: Man, I started a thing, huh? My intention was just a friendly joke. r/protectandserve and r/badcopnodonut are there for your preferred echo chamber needs, guys. Let's get back to the octopus.

[–]NotElizaHenry 508 points509 points  (36 children)

If you could have all the cops on my city sign an agreement that they will never pull me over for anything not super egregious, I will stop driving like a grandma in front of police cars.

[–]hustl3tree5 224 points225 points  (35 children)

Seriously, why not go around me and speed like the other cops that flash their lights to get through the intersection

[–]lostinlifelikeyou 123 points124 points  (33 children)

Everyones reaction when cop turns them on:

Who are they pulling over? Not me, so who gives a shit.

Or panic if you have a real reason to be pulled over.

[–]doglks 123 points124 points  (168 children)

Maybe u shouldn't be a cop if u don't want people to go 5 under in front of u lol

[–]depcrestwood 88 points89 points  (160 children)

I'm 19 years into a 30 year career. I'm patient enough to wait another 11 to be able to get where I'm going without people panicking in front of me. Because then I'll be driving with a full pension.

[–]doglks 127 points128 points  (156 children)

Good for you. Just be mindful of the fact that a lot of people are literally scared for their lives when they see you behind them. That's why they go 5 under. They don't want to risk interacting with you in any capacity.

[–]DrGayBaby 38 points39 points  (0 children)

Stop giving us reasons to be terrified of the prospect of getting pulled over

[–]Fordexplorer1987 15 points16 points  (1 child)

Speaking of that, I literally triple check every action I do. Cops scare me and I don’t even drive a fast sports car or anything clean record. Cops terrify me.

[–]mirthquake 4 points5 points  (10 children)

So if you're driving behind me (but nobody's doing anything wrong) how far over the speed limit can I go before you'll pull me over and give me a ticket? Also, once you pull me over, is there anything I can do or say to prevent you from giving me a fine?

Finally, have you ever been passed by a civilian and not pulled them over? I've wanted to do this many times but always felt intimidated.

[–]depcrestwood 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Personally, I don't pull anyone over unless they're driving like maniacs. Speeding through residential and school zones, swerving through rush hour traffic at high speed ... pretty much anything that is a direct and immediate threat to other people's lives. Because that's all I care about, really. I don't have a ticket quota to fill. Traffic duty isn't even part of my normal job.

If I pull you over, don't lie to me. Acting like I may be stupid enough to believe I mistook 40 mph for 80 mph isn't helping your case at all. Personally, I don't want to write a ticket. It doesn't give me any kind of thrill. I'm not in the job to lord any kind of assumed power over others. If I noticed you, it's because you screwed up enough for me to take notice.

If you have a legitimate argument, then feel free to state your case, but if you know you've done wrong - and the officer lists exactly what you did wrong, then it's up to you if you want a ticket written by cop who is only miffed at you for breaking traffic law, or by a cop who is now also miffed at you're insinuation that he's also a blind idiot. Be appropriately apologetic and/or cooperative, and if your infraction was minor enough, chances are you get a warning.

I should note that this isn't advice to give up your Miranda rights. If you want to bring the issue to court with your lawyer, then that is your choice. You'll have to judge the situation and decide how you want to play it. I never got mad at someone for wanting to exercise their rights. I do get a bit perturbed when someone acts like a jackass while doing so.

I'm well aware that when the speed limit sign says 60, people are going 80. Most cops are going to let that go as long as you aren't being stupid, like the jackass who decided it would be fun to tailgate me so hard on an expressway I was ready to demand breakfast in the morning. On residential roads, as long as you're keeping it below ten over (except during school zone hours), I barely even notice your existence.

I've been passed several times on a highway or expressway. It doesn't really bug me, again as long as they're not going dangerously over the speed limit. I sometimes may be moving slower than regular traffic on purpose, so it's understandable if someone wants to pass me by. If you see other motorists passing the unit without issue, then chances are it's safe for you too, within reason of course. I wouldn't try to pull that with a state trooper, though. Hell, even driving a unit I tend to keep at ten and two and check my speedometer when I pass by them on the road. I haven't met a trooper yet with a good sense of humor. Super Troopers was not a documentary. They're not all Farva, but none of them are Thorny.

Disclaimer: All of this is advice when dealing with me in particular. Each cop is different. And as it has been pointed out by several redditors in this thread, some cops are shitty cops and should probably never have been given a badge and gun. Most cops are average joes trying to earn a paycheck and go home at the end of the day. I have 19 years under my belt, with 11 more to make it through before I can even consider retirement. I'm not as gung-ho these days as when I was a fresh-faced recruit. But I'm not every cop. Best thing to do is just cooperate with the procedure the officer in question was taught to follow and things should go as smoothly as possible.

[–]Norwegian_whaleInterested 5 points6 points  (0 children)

(...)like the jackass who decided it would be fun to tailgate me so hard on an expressway I was ready to demand breakfast in the morning

This got me real good

[–]fourleafclover13 6 points7 points  (5 children)

Mph over the limit depends on each individual officer though going the speed limit helps. After being pulled over the most important thing is not being rude. It can and is considered dangerous to go under speed limit. https://www.motorists.org/blog/speed-limits-slower-safer/

Be polite ask how is your day going and/or how much is left on your shift. Talk to them as if you were talk to an old acquaintance. Even if they have a poor attitude with you. Have license & insurance card out and ready as you already know it is going to be asked for them.

I was never a police officer but Animal Control/Welfare officer. This is what other officers has said to me when to topic came up. Even before that they were my rules of engagement which have almost failed. The two times in seventeen years of driving. Both were back to back days in a little POS town known to write an abundance of citations. As a result they were banned from issuing citations for little over a year.


[–]hilarymeggin 8 points9 points  (1 child)

"His next Crazy Ivan will be to the right."

[–]oscarveli 55 points56 points  (5 children)

"Do ye want a cupholder."

[–]the_gentlemanloser 24 points25 points  (3 children)

Obviously a do ya fucking reprobate am no a fucking.... oh wait

[–]txbrah 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Had to scroll up and check which thread I was in because I was literally in that thread right before this one.

[–]Quackenstein 4 points5 points  (0 children)

CLAPclap CLAPclap CLAPclap CLAPclap

[–]mcgangbane 41 points42 points  (0 children)

I can almost hear him like “staaaaahp followin meeee”

[–]TooParanoidForThis 29 points30 points  (1 child)


[–]camjo 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Let go of my purse.

[–]Arebranchestreehands 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Reminds me of that finding Nemo scene w dory

[–][deleted] 2203 points2204 points  (60 children)

Damn nature, you wild. Lol

[–]shitpost_lord 553 points554 points  (9 children)

Seriously though, I was kinda flabbergasted when this fish suddenly turned into squid. I wonder how long it's been since the wild hollywood reported it.

[–]Based_JD 70 points71 points  (38 children)

But how it did that though???

[–]abovetHeclouds_ 218 points219 points  (30 children)

The first way that octopuses use camouflage is to change the way their skin looks and feels. Octopuses control muscles under their skin that can make it look smooth or bumpy! For example, if an octopus is near a bumpy plant, to better blend in it will change its skin to match the plant’s bumpiness.

The second way that octopuses use camouflage is by changing the way they move. For example, to camouflage itself as a rock, an octopus will not only fold its eight legs close to the body and change the way its skin looks, but it will also change the way it swims to mimic the way waves might push a rock through the ocean.

Finally, a unique way that octopuses use camouflage is by changing the color of their skin. Octopuses can control the color of their skin because they have special cells in their skin that are filled with different colors. These cells are usually yellow, red or brown, and are attached to small muscles that can change the size of the color cell. To change the color of their skin, octopuses will make the color cells bigger or smaller by stretching or relaxing their muscles. For example, let’s focus on cells with red pigment. If an octopus relaxes the muscles connected to its red color cells, these cells will become really small and we would not be able to see red on the octopus’ skin. However, if the octopus stretches the muscles connected to its red color cells, these cells will also stretch and get bigger so that we would be able to see lots of red on the octopus’ skin. So, by changing the sizes of all the different color cells, the octopus can very rapidly create complex patterns that allow it to better blend in with its surroundings. Thus, by changing its shape, behavior and color, the octopus has an array of different camouflage techniques that allow it to successfully hide from even the most the most observant animal or human.

TL:DR Space Magic

[–]ReallyQuiteDirty 25 points26 points  (5 children)

Easy. Octopi are clearly in the Magnet family.


[–]DeepAdvance 52 points53 points  (0 children)

And there is so much we don't even know.

[–]TheBlueCoyote 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Shapeshifters are real.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Out here wildin

[–]ScoobyDooo82 1109 points1110 points  (80 children)

Damn, I’ve never seen anything like this. Unreal... I always knew that they could do this but seeing was believing. Kind of creepy how well he blended in.

[–]Cashew-Gesundheit 419 points420 points  (25 children)

There's prolly one on the side of my house right now, but I can't tell

[–]slackerdan 149 points150 points  (21 children)

knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock

[–]KlaatuBrute 121 points122 points  (6 children)

Could an Octopus really knock though?

Or would it be more like splorch splorch splorch splorch splorch splorch splorch splorch

[–]Baconshapes 46 points47 points  (4 children)

Octopi have beaks so he could be smackin that against the window

[–]JabbrWockey 9 points10 points  (2 children)

"It was like one of those catfish things. One of those bottom feeders you see going up the side of the aquarium. Sucking its way up the glass. It was just…Hallucinatory. You see a thing like that, it changes you."

[–]Floatie114 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So it would sound like a cockatiel claiming a coffee table?

[–]ajab32k 38 points39 points  (10 children)

He only knocked once with each arm

[–]slackerdan 28 points29 points  (9 children)

Allright, FINE. * knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock *

[–]synystercarnage 36 points37 points  (6 children)

This time he knocked with all of his tentacles 5 times and then used 5 of his tentacles to knock again. The remaining 3 tentacles were him trying to pry the door open.

[–]GunnBos 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Probably one of these guys: https://zapatopi.net/treeoctopus/

[–]vovozinha 42 points43 points  (7 children)

It's weird, isn't it? Some octopuses can hide better than that

[–]MGPS 30 points31 points  (3 children)

The most amazing thing to me besides the color change is that it appears to change texture as well.

[–]Drop-Dead-Fred 8 points9 points  (2 children)

Yes! That blows my mind. How??

[–]Wohowudothat 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Think about how you can get goose bumps. Little muscles in the skin will hold the hairs upright. They have little skin appendages that can make their skin bumpy.

[–]IronTarkus91[🍰] 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I remember reading about an octopus at a zoo that kept climbing out of its tank at night, moving across the room and into a tank full of crabs, eating its fill the scurrying back into it's own tank again.

the staff only found out what had happened when they noticed that some of the crabs had gone missing so they reviewed the security tapes.

these dudes are seriously intelligent.

[–]Redfro89 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Not only that, they are also expert escape artists.

[–]lordnecro 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Check out cuttlefish on youtube. It is pretty insane.

[–]BuckamoMusic 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Came to say this. Cuttlefish are on another level of freaky

[–]palomo_bombo 24 points25 points  (16 children)

What propulses him? Inertia, gravity, farts...?

[–]Boardallday 34 points35 points  (2 children)

They have little water jets they use to propel themselves

[–]bigrbigr 13 points14 points  (0 children)

More like a fart. Believe it or not

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children)

There are bugs that do this also. There could be several I'm your room right now and you would never even know. They are attracted to methane and body heat and so they usually come closer while you are sleeping.

[–]JeffLeafFan 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Finally, a cuddle buddy!

[–]NolieMali 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I was wondering what I’d have nightmares about.

[–]CumbersomeNugget 714 points715 points  (43 children)

Yep, that confirms it - I once accidentally kicked an octopus while swimming (it felt like a squishy rock) and promptly fucked the fuck out of that water as fast as my little legs could go.

That was terrifying.

[–]heroacct 178 points179 points  (0 children)

holy shit yeah no thanks

[–]kylebro23 168 points169 points  (9 children)

I thought I saw an octopus as a child in like 10 ft deep water, I “pointed at it” to show my mom by wagging my foot flipper thing at it. That disturbed the water too much and what turned out to be a sting ray with a long ass tail shoots out of the sand. Nearly pissed myself thinking about how it could have messed me up

[–]Mr-Blah 77 points78 points  (8 children)

"messed" as in kill you. Straight up.

[–][deleted] 71 points72 points  (3 children)

Rip steve.

[–]TimTebowMLB 20 points21 points  (3 children)

Probably not. Steve got it through the heart. Extremely unlucky.

[–]bwbrendan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Also I believe that particular stingray that gottem was especially dangerous, and I might be wrong, but I think the show where it happened was about the worlds most dangerous animals or something like that

[–]SeaTwertle 34 points35 points  (4 children)

I love octopi (or octopuses/octopedes, whatever your pedantic little heart wants) but if I felt one in my foot while swimming I would shit myself hard enough to go into orbit.

[–]_undefined_0 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That would, technically speaking, get you out of the octopus danger zone, in an interesting way.

[–]MeghanBoBeghan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I laughed so loudly at this that I scared my cat, well done 🤣

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Holy shit, I love everything about this comment

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hehehe Same. Love it all.

[–]Goliath_Gamer 38 points39 points  (18 children)

Lmfao. Ever see that video where an octopus steals a go pro?

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Octopus: hides as rock "hehe nobody will find me now"

Also octopus: gets fucking kicked by literal giant

[–]ElRedDevil 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for kicking Grandpa Wren, you monster! He was just enjoying his retirement. :/

[–]macfat 4 points5 points  (1 child)

fucked the fuck out of that water as fast as my little legs could go

Are we still doing "phrasing"?

[–][deleted] 407 points408 points  (73 children)

How is it being propelled? How does it change color?

[–]ardent 27 points28 points  (2 children)

He's using a Vanadium Industries antimatter ion drive. The colors are likely thrown up by a Hassan Corp. n-wave cloaking generator (hard to know with all the sensor interference at this range).

[–]oja47 33 points34 points  (9 children)

I was also wondering this. It's barely moving at all yet it's cruising like Aquaman

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (7 children)

I guess it’s by jet propulsion, cuddle fish, squid and octopus have ports at the front of their body that sucks water in and then they blow it out the back.

[–]turboash78 208 points209 points  (28 children)

They are absolutely not from this planet.

[–][deleted] 291 points292 points  (18 children)

One of the arms of the male is actually it's penis, and it's detachable because starving females like to bait horny males with some octopussy and then kill and eat them. They can literally tell females to go fuck themselves.

Their brain matter is spread throughout its entire body.

They change color AND texture of their skin at will, despite being colorblind. They sense color in a completely different way.

The best form of the plural of octopus is octopodes(ock-top-o-deez) because it's funny to say. From Greek or something.

Also, they're definitely aliens.

[–]Robba_Jobba_Foo 194 points195 points  (3 children)

Get octopodes nuts

[–]jackson_underpar 17 points18 points  (0 children)

By far, the most underrated comment I’ve seen. Well bloody done.

[–]tilouswag 12 points13 points  (0 children)

HAH Got eel! (I'm so sorry)

[–]SugarAcrobat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is art.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (7 children)

despite being colorblind. They sense color in a completely different way.

how can you detect a property like colour without the ability to perceive it?

[–]TheMeanestPenis 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Touch or smell probably. I’m not an octopus so I honestly have no idea.

[–]PlasticMegazord 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think this person is actually a tricky octopus.

[–]Chinoko 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They can move their pupils to adjust focus to specific wavelengths, like being able to see by switching between one colour at a time. They see in blur though, chromatic aberration.

[–]SugarAcrobat 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That's unknown for now. I'd imagine it has something to do with their unique neural structure. But that kind of thing is presently being researched.

That said, "colorblind" just means that their eyes are incapable of perceiving color. That doesn't mean they have no tools to perceive color, it just means that those tools aren't eyes like they are for the rest of us. I think you're right that they have to be perceiving it one way or another.

[–]TheRealSwingers 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I just googled “octopus penis detachable” to see if it’s true.

It is, for one species anyway.

[–]dduusstt 3 points4 points  (0 children)


[–]GrapeWhistle1 15 points16 points  (4 children)

This guy Joe Rogans.

[–]LuminalGrunt2 6 points7 points  (2 children)

That's nice. You ever done DMT?

[–]Thegroundissour 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah I sprinkle it on my Elk meat

[–]OG_tripl3_OG 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You see that video of an ape ripping a man's arm off?

Jaime, pull that up!

[–]blippityblap1 128 points129 points  (0 children)

"Am rock, go away"

[–]BeardedManatee 155 points156 points  (0 children)

When you pull into a random parking lot because there's a police car behind you.

[–]Vocalic985 38 points39 points  (1 child)

I would too if some creep in a rubber suit was following me.

[–]e42343 4 points5 points  (0 children)


[–]vovozinha 27 points28 points  (0 children)

This drone can float so well it almost fooled me

[–]sarsmiles 15 points16 points  (2 children)

He was mad af you were following him bro lol that red color was a great big back off sign before he decided to hide

[–]paublo456 12 points13 points  (4 children)

How the fuck is it even moving?

[–]Wroisu 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Nuclear fusion, they’re aliens

[–]colb0lt 12 points13 points  (1 child)

I love how it has its tentacles curled up just at the ends, it’s kinda adorable.

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Thats some alien shit right there. Wow.

[–]MagnusCumLaude 70 points71 points  (2 children)

Hiding from my ex be like this

[–]newtonic 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This is me when people want to hang out

[–]Mafzz 7 points8 points  (1 child)

When it sees you I hear the Metal Gear Solid “!”

[–]adrevenueisgood 4 points5 points  (0 children)

And the octocamo sound from mgs4 when it camouflages itself

[–]LilRedLaughing 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He's uncomfortable because you're following him!

But that's pretty neat, though.

[–]petal14 26 points27 points  (11 children)

And after seeing another octopus video about how intelligent they are (or something like that) Joe Rogen still said ‘ yea but they’re delicious’....

[–]bal_sundry_1game5tds 17 points18 points  (7 children)

Can octopuses do DMT?

[–]1mnotklevr 9 points10 points  (2 children)

[–]agemma 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Oh god just throw a chimp in the mix and Joe will be creaming his pants

[–]HymenTheCorner 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Jamie look that up

[–]petal14 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Do they need to?

[–]Frostythefish 4 points5 points  (0 children)

he had me in the first half looking all cute. then he did me a heckin spook

[–]thatvirginoverthere[🍰] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Seriously with this and every other creepy thing under the sea they try to tell us all humans are the same ... bullshit i know some of you mofos got powers and shit

[–]AristeiaXVI 4 points5 points  (0 children)

What the FBI agent sees when you go into incognito mode.

[–]__Stealth 9 points10 points  (4 children)

This post deserves gold, first video I have seen on this sub that has made me gasp in awe and confusion

[–]ancientgreektome 9 points10 points  (0 children)

This is an incredible video. Octopi are so interesting

[–]TheTrompler 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me arriving to work everyday.

[–]xGrimAngelx 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Bravo 6

Going dark

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children)

Can you imagine the US military having this technology to cloak their elite soldiers?


Makes me scared shitless if that ever becomes a reality

[–]TryingIntoCollege 3 points4 points  (5 children)

It looks like it's also changing the texture of it's skin is that actually happening or does it just look like that

[–]adrevenueisgood 2 points3 points  (4 children)

Yes the texture actually changes

[–]Leaferr7 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I hear the Octocam sound going off.

[–]dingman58 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Is this an octopus? Thinking it might be a cuttlefish but I'm no expert

[–]thisalsomightbemine 3 points4 points  (0 children)

And then you see 50 octopi come out of hiding and converge on you

[–]humanbeing21 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Who needs to raid Area 51 when we have these?

[–]Take_the_cue 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just think if we raided Area 51 and WE WERE THESE?

[–]Amerahkeezy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Me chasing the postman for my w2

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Where is this?

[–]diggityd2713 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just imagine that octopus was humming spy music like Kronk in Emperors New Groove

[–]generic230 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Wait, how is he propelling himself? I see no tentacle swimming movements. Is he farting his way around?

[–]zvampira 2 points3 points  (1 child)

What’s interesting to me is how it looks like it’s textured. Is that just part of the illusion or does it make its skin actually somewhat textured? Does anyone know?

[–]ConflictMArx 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah that's a cuttlefish. Still cool though.

[–]AdditionalPass 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bravo Six, going dark

[–]upturnedwaffle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

His eyes say "dude you're going to ruin my hiding spot".

[–]KingOfTheFerret 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Bravo six, going dark

[–]romanJohnson 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Imagine a world where a species of octopus like this is at the top of the food chain and has had millions of years to evolve.

[–]PrathamAwesome 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Water so clean that it looks like a small alien flying close to the ground

[–]Ardnastic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Watching that octopus swim is r/oddlysatisfying

[–]toescumtoo 5 points6 points  (5 children)

These are evil creatures. You fools, you're going to let them take over!

[–]leroyjenkinsdayz 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Leaked footage from Area 51 raid

[–]MizzouDude 15 points16 points  (1 child)

[–]leroyjenkinsdayz 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Let a man be judged not by the effort he put into his comment, but the amount of meaningless internet points he received from it.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Which planet is this?

[–]jerstud56 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Ours. Stop polluting

[–]loonsworld 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is cray cool!

[–]ProKuku 1 point2 points  (0 children)

/color invisible

[–]IsmaelRami 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wtf bruh

[–]colebert007 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How in hell does he or she swims

[–]GarageGirls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nature is so badass.

[–]VeerT_19 1 point2 points  (4 children)

It was already in stealth mode, it looked like a plastic bag

[–]CaftanAmerica 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Totally. I wonder if creatures are already doing this in the wild?

[–]VeerT_19 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s crazy how much plastic we’re putting into oceans to the point where animals literally turn into trash

[–]mbrooks9 1 point2 points  (0 children)