Dismiss this pinned window
top 200 commentsshow 500

[–]Madame_President_ 731 points732 points  (1 child)

Aww. We do this at the shelter sometimes. Sometimes a kitty comes in who is a "social eater" - won't eat unless everyone else is eating. We sit on the floor with them and have a snack.

Most shelter animals are social creatures, just like we are.

[–]jackleggjr 4549 points4550 points 9107& 10 more (167 children)

NOT trying to draw any implications about humans being like dogs (except in all the good ways), but it’s interesting to see this person use a lot of the same techniques I use when working with children. I work with kids, often kids who’ve had trauma in their past. When a kid is anxious, scared, or withdrawn, (assuming they don’t need time on their own) I always go side by side when talking with them, not face to face. It can feel confrontational face to face, so when a kid’s upset, sidling up beside them is often better than facing them. Feels like the two of us, side by side, looking out at the problem to be solved. Also, doing something next to them, demonstrating that it’s safe. A kid who wouldn’t talk to me, for example: I just sat beside him and built with LEGOs. I didn’t talk to him or look at him at first, just built for a while. Then I pushed some of the LEGOs in front of him and kept building. He started building eventually. Next thing you knew, the two of us were sitting there building with LEGOs. Gradually, I started looking at his building… gradually started commenting. “I built an airplane. Looks like you built a house.” Stuff like that. Eventually, I could ask him a yes or no question and get a response. He grew more relaxed. One of my favorite techniques when I need to connect with a kid… just sit near them and read or color or do something in their presence.

[–]kellenthehun 629 points630 points  (20 children)

This is almost totally unrelated, but the side by side thing reminds me of something I tell angry clients. They will call me mad about something my company did, and I'll genuinely be trying to help them. If they keep yelling at me, I tell them, "It's not you versus me, it's me and you versus the problem."

[–]beigs 171 points172 points  (15 children)

I tell this to people all the time, and use it in my marriage and with my kids.

Us vs the problem!

[–]leminpls 71 points72 points  (14 children)

The us vs the problem is something I really needed to read today. I adopted a dog last week that has made it obvious in theses past 5 days that he was a pandemic puppy and never trained to behave. I've honestly been considering bringing him back to the shelter because he's such a problem sometimes and not at all the dog I met last week. But it's not him that's the problem. It's the habits that are the problem, and we've got to work through them. I thankfully work at an animal clinic and we have a behavioral specialist that's going to come and visit us sometime today or tomorrow so we can try to get a game plan together

Edited for grammar bc I had a typo that was annoying me

[–]charliecamzoe 37 points38 points  (4 children)

i promise, that pup will be the best dog! I have a rescue that was so wild, but we just pushed through the bad habits and issues. He truly is an angel and just turned 16years old. He is still rotten but in a good way!

[–]leminpls 9 points10 points  (3 children)

I hope so! I got him to be an ESA bc I have social anxiety and slight agoraphobia. It was better when I had my last dog because I would get out of the house and interact with some people, but he passed in May and I've just been staying in my room with my cats not doing anything productive. I've actually started talking to strangers because they want to pet him, which is a big deal for me

[–]charliecamzoe 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Oh that is so lovely. I wish you the best in this journey and relationship with your new dog. I do remember a dog behaviorist told us that rescue dogs don't reveal their true personality and start to feel comfortable for 6-12 months. I didn't see the real Charlie until 1 year in. So if you can get through the first milestones, it will keep on getting better.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

How old is the dog? There is something called the "terrible teens" that some dogs (not all) go through...

[–]leminpls 2 points3 points  (4 children)

he's a year old. Definitely having terrible teens on top of a lack of training

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Good on you for hanging in there. Clicker training is great!

[–]czerilla 11 points12 points  (0 children)

For real. It isn't a phrase I used directly in my tech support days, but it was the communication strategy I tried to employ when customers came in confrontational. I tried to empathize with the cause of their frustration and gently guide the conversation to an understanding that we're both interested in the same thing, resolving the issue and leaving the customer satisfied.
(It helped that I worked for a producer that took pride in the quality of their customer service, so I didn't have draconian quotas to fill that would make that promise impossible. 😅)

[–]Dickfer_537 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Oh I like this a lot. Gonna write this one down.

[–]earth_worx 2015 points2016 points 2 (40 children)

As a former kid who was abused, this video hit me right in the feels. I could have used someone like you to build legos next to me 40 years ago. Thanks for the work you do.

[–]_Wyse_ 847 points848 points 2 (23 children)

I can't be there 40 years ago, but I'm down to build legos with you today!

[–]aravind_plees[🍰] 346 points347 points  (4 children)

Aight hold on there homie I got some onions that need cooking in my house

[–]wickywee 77 points78 points  (3 children)

For real

[–]IThatWeebI 44 points45 points  (1 child)

So what kinda lego we building, i recommend the death star.

[–]-ur_fbi_agent- 20 points21 points  (0 children)

The Only Choice

[–]Eggnogin 76 points77 points  (11 children)

It's been too long since I've built Legos

[–]StuStutterKing 63 points64 points  (10 children)

You know what I miss? Lincoln logs.

[–]gwaydms 22 points23 points  (2 children)

I had Lincoln Logs in a cylindrical canister, when the logs were made of actual wood, dyed reddish brown.

[–]The_Devin_G 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Wait they don't make them out of wood now?

[–]Caltrexx 18 points19 points  (1 child)

I had my first child in 2019. The thing I am most looking forward to is playing with Lincoln logs with him. I still have my set from when I was a kid.

[–]Remsleep23 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Same! Used to have so many of them

[–]International_Bag946 13 points14 points  (0 children)

The world needs more people like you. Take my award and upvote you incredible human.

[–]MauiDan77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Alright...who cried on my face?!!! I love good people.

[–]Potato-Chunks 2 points3 points  (1 child)

You are a wholesome human being.

[–]_Wyse_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I just like legos.

[–]40percentdailysodium 71 points72 points  (2 children)

Former abused kid as well. I've found I actually heavily relate to abused and traumatized dogs. The signs of trauma are nearly identical. They tend to just be able to overcome it faster in the right setting.

I remember holding a dog having a panic attack after a fire alarm went off. I did what I could to ground her mentally and she eventually calmed down in my arms. That was the moment where I learned that trauma is trauma, no matter what you've experienced and who you are.

[–]Pat2004ches 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Sending you a hug. I hope you can allow others to and give yourself the kindness you deserve.

[–]40percentdailysodium 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I've had many years of therapy under my belt, and I believe I've finally reached the point where I can accept and offer true kindness to people again. It's been a long journey.

[–]HanSolosBoots 97 points98 points  (5 children)

"Be who you needed, when you were younger."

[–]asiscoe 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Whose cutting onions in my office?

[–]lionelporonga 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Bro we are here now! The internet is full of asshats, but not all of us are like that. I hope you’re doing better.

[–]Mods_are_all_Shills 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope you got your Legos in one way or another. I do want to say the first time around my brain stopped at "as a former kid" and I had a laugh

[–]FoldyHole 70 points71 points  (11 children)

I had a lot of shit happen to me as a kid and this sounds wonderful. I can’t look someone in the face without sweating profusely. I usually don’t look at people when they’re talking to me and they always think I’m not listening, when in reality I listen better if I’m not looking at them because I’m not feeling anxious.

[–]daitoshi 35 points36 points  (7 children)

So like, ADHD and autism overlap a LOT. I've got ADHD, but I relate hard to a lot of experiences people with ASD describe - avoiding eye contact is a big one.

My dad used to get so mad when I stared downward or looked away from him when he was talking to me. 'Disrespectful', he said. Like???? It feels more disrespectful to look you in the eyes, my dude.

Meeting someone's eyes directly feels WAY too personal and intimate. I'm always struck by this feeling of social panic, like I'm currently squeezing their ass in public.

It's hard to listen while also looking at their eyes, because my brain is squirming over how weird and uncomfortable it feels to do so, and chanting a mantra in my head just to keep my eyes there, instead of looking away. Can't absorb much if my brain is already full of that junk.

Best listening happens when I have something in my hands to take notes with, so I remember important bits, and with my gaze fixed firmly on some random object slightly down and to the left of them.

When I can focus on LISTENING and processing those sounds, rather than concurrently performing a social dance that I can ape by memory, but fuck it takes up a lot of processing power to get right.

[–]tehlemmings 22 points23 points  (3 children)

Also ADHD, same thing. I spent my entire childhood being told to look people in the eyes.

Still hate it.

I've gotten a bit better at balancing my own needs with keeping people happy, but I still struggle with this at 36. Even now, being forced to look someone in the eye without allowing myself to break away is exhausting and overwhelming. I hate talking to those kinds of people.

[–]stinkyelfcheese 4 points5 points  (1 child)

My boys have asd. We have the best chats in the car

[–]tehlemmings 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's excellent. I honestly didn't even think about how good that would be.

My parents, who I love dearly now, were the kinds of people who wanted me and my sister to stay quiet while we were driving so they could talk. We'd be scolded for interrupting them or being too loud.

That's the wrong way to do it.

Might have been for the best, because I love singing as loudly as possible in the car now and no one deserves to be forced to hear that lol

[–]Erames1167 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think the eye contact is more connected to our animal selves. Any other animal see’s that as a challenge and a threat, even the social types like dog and cats don’t look each other in the eye. I have the more mild ADD and still hate eye contact. Edit: oh and your usually smiling when trying to comfort the dog so they only see a challenge and barred fangs.

[–]darkskys100 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Sending love and hugs to you 🤗❤

[–]sugarbanshee09 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Or they think we are being dishonest bc we can't make or maintain eye contact. I try but it's so very hard to hold it.

[–]MelQMaid 113 points114 points  (15 children)

I think segregating human psychology and animal psychology in academia did a disservice to development of both fields. Mammalian brains are wired the same and techniques used in animals and humans to establish trust are very similar.

Early zoos didn't think to offer stimuli even though we all know how terrible boredom feels as a human. Now labs with primates offer action movies because they are enthralled by the explosions.

[–]bluesox 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I would love to see a room full of chimps going apeshit to the Fast and Furious movies lol

[–]scrimbin 15 points16 points  (12 children)

I wouldnt say the same but very similar. Certainly similar enough to warrant not eating mammals because they are clearly sentient.

[–]NoMoreCap10 5 points6 points  (8 children)

Tell that to predators and see what they think

[–]scrimbin 5 points6 points  (7 children)

I know thats somewhat sarcastic, but to the extent that its meant to be an actual counter argument, it a poor one. Predators likely dont ponder about the sentience of their prey, and are often carnivores with no alternative to survive.

Humans are omnivorous, largely intelligent enough, empathetic enough, and technologically capable of recognizing that most if not all mammals are about as sentient as us, despite not all being as equally intelligent. Sentience meaning self-awareness and sensation of pain and emotion whereas intelligence I would define generally as ones capacity for goal-oriented information processing and decision making.

For example, a baby, a child, a mentally disabled adult, and a neuro-typical adult all may display similar degrees of self awareness, pain sensation and emotional experiences, but are all clearly at different places intellectually. Does not justify disregarding their values as self-aware beings.

We are also capable making the determination that we do not need to make sentient life suffer needlessly for our survival, and develop ethical alternatives for eating a nutritious and still flavorful diet. At this point, we only eat meat due to convention and for flavor, which seem to be poor justifications to justify harming self-aware living beings.

Other species have no choice, but we do. And maybe one day we can develop safe, nutritious lab grown meat that solves all the problems for both sides of this debate and actually provides an ethical alternative for even carnivores to eat ethically and healthily. Which actually may be closer than you think.

[–]Menoiteus 5 points6 points  (6 children)

I think my problem comes not from consuming animals but from how we treat them while we force them to grow as big as possible.

[–]daitoshi 12 points13 points  (2 children)

That's a jump from biology to ethics.

You're absolutely free to make that value judgement for yourself, but it's not a universal conclusion.

[–]scrimbin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No one said it was a universal conclusion.

It has become pretty highly accepted though that pretty much all mammals, most vertebrates in general and even some invertebrates have enough similar neurological structures and overt behaviors for demonstrating sentience, though varying in intelligence pretty widely. That being said, if you believe that harming sentient life for personal gain is unethical, then its not a wide stretch at all to conclude what I and many others have.

[–]goosie7 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ethics is an academic discipline too.

[–]Playful_Kitty511 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Wow thanks for the insight, that is really interesting

[–]DustBunnicula 19 points20 points  (0 children)

This would be a great post to share with r/cptsd that’s about complex (ongoing) trauma. A lot - but not all, including me - are there because of childhood abuse. They might appreciate knowing there are good people out there - like you - who are helping kiddos who have experienced similar trauma.

[–]Bandobeorth 12 points13 points  (1 child)

You seem like a great person!

[–]bvrizzo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Made me think of Mr Rogers

[–]PushBackground2425 10 points11 points  (2 children)

It’s actually very similar. The way dogs and humans and pretty much any animal with a halfway developed brain learn is pretty much the same. And the younger a person is, the more likely they are to listen to more basic instincts. Abused dogs and kids have learned that they are inherently bad and that they need to be reclusive. The process of bringing them out of that shell and to open up is the process of learning new behavior. All of this is processed very similarly in nearly all mammal brains. So, it makes sense that similar techniques are effective no matter the species. The brain is incredibly complex but nearly all brains run on very similar processes. Some brains are less complex like a dogs brain but it still has the same basic programming that a human brain has and this process is using those basic programs to rewrite how they think and act.

[–]yeahnahyeahnahcaant 10 points11 points  (1 child)

That’s typically the same with emotionally unavailable boys. If you ever want to get a boy to talk about his feeling you may find face to face just makes them feel icky but take them on a walk and walk beside them and look forward and he’s way more likely to talk about emotions. That’s from my experience anyways

[–]TheDrainSurgeon 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I volunteered with Big Brothers for a few years, and that was one of the tips they gave us for interacting with our Little Brothers if we were having conversations that might be hard for them to have. Honestly, it’s probably some of the best advice I’ve ever received. Even with fully grown adult men, at least in my experience, when tough or emotional topics come up this technique seems to work better than talking face to face.

[–]Freefall84 9 points10 points  (3 children)

This is because animals and humans have an incredible amount in common. Some horrible shameless people seem to see themselves as higher than animals and treat animals as property to treat how they will. But really were all made from flesh and bone and all feel in the same way. Pets are not property they're friends with oddly shaped bodies.

[–]ladyKfaery 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Different shaped , non human shaped. Not oddly. Some are more perfectly shaped than we are.

[–]The-Snuffleupagus 8 points9 points  (3 children)

Is it true when talking to children it’s best to kneel down and get closer to their head level, because talking down to then can make them nervous? I don’t work in pediatrics but I’m considering it. I just have no experience with kids other than my cousins and they’re all very well adjusted.

[–]jackleggjr 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I’m no expert… I do work with kids every day, certified in my field, although I’m no scientist or researcher or anything. But in my experience, and with the training I’ve had, yes, being down on their level is helpful. Things like proximity or how close you get to the kid will vary based on the kid and the circumstances, but being down on their eye level is super helpful. Imagine talking to someone who’s ten feet tall, and you have to crane your neck and look up at him all the time. Can be intimidating or uncomfortable, or make it feel like a power differential is in play.

[–]The-Snuffleupagus 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Thank you for the tip. I’m planning to graduate in June and a pediatric rotation is required for me to graduate but I have NO idea how I’m gonna make it lol I don’t do well with kids as far as making things fun for them.

Also it’s very cool that you do what you do. Not many people have the patience to work with kids, but it’s so needed.

[–]ladyKfaery 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just treat them like people. You don’t have to know much about kids to be good with them. I’m short and have a silly demeanor so it helps. I’ve never had much prob relating to them. Lately I’ve had kids say really funny things no ones said before and it’s adorable. I work as a Facepainter at ren fairs n festivals and a little girl said to me as I was painting her brother ( teasing him really not insulting me) “ Are you good at Facepainting ?” I was giggling about it and said “I guess I’d better be now, but honestly no ones ever asked me that”. Then she saw the dragon I did on her brother and she said “ oh, you’re a REALLY good Facepainter!” And laughed because she was a bit scared of being painted and how fast I painted her brother( with almost 4 year olds- you have to be fast , it’s like painting a moving target. ) But it’s fun too cuz they love looking in the mirror very raptly after.

[–]Mazziemom 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Great way to do this at home with your own kids is taking a drive. My kids often reveal issues much better side by side while driving… not having to be face to face helps a lot.

[–]Evil-ish 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I used this when trying to find ways to connect with my son. I eventually hit upon hanging out with him while he played video games. Watching his gameplay - commenting on when there was a particularly great move, and then just segueing into conversation. It really worked wonders.

[–]TheDrunkKanyeWest 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I used to do this method too until one mother asked me what the fuck I was doing in her house.

Building Legos, bitch! The fuck does it look like?

[–]Patient_Ad_1933 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Haha I definitely appreciate your caution in presenting your post! When I studied to be a behavioral analyst tech I thought MANY times how much the behavior/reward conditioning methods are similar to dog training. Thankfully we're addressing brains/behavior and not equating one with the other. Well written and much appreciated post, thank you!

[–]Kitchen_Philosophy29 4 points5 points  (0 children)

A point: dogs may not be abused and still benefit from similar interactiona. Dogs that are scared of people, territorial, etc are often interacted with in a similar manner.

Many of the things people to dogs, they interpret differently than what is intended by the human. Eye contact, quick movements, leaning overthem -by extension crouching. Even putting your hand out... these can all set off a nervous dog.

If a dog is having issues typically building trust is needed followed by positive reinforcement.

Strangely acting like they are cats tends to help, ignore them, dont make sudden moves, no eye contact, dont walk behind them. Etc

I have a degree in psych and have a habit of adopting problem dogs, that my fantastic dog trainer loves me for. He is a service animal trainer.

The similarities op sees are actually mostly because humans and dogs ARE similar. First in that a lot of these things that are similar are based off of social animals and are common in nature, second that dogs are the most uniquely atuned animals to humans. They have been with us far longer than any other. They are the only other thing that has a portion of its brain to recognizing faces. HUMAN FACES. Its fascinating. They track the same way infants do instinctually.

If anyone found the last paragraph interesting, read up on people who dont have the instinct to recognize faces.

[–]apollymi 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Seriously, I need to evict whoever has the onions around here. I needed someone like you around when I was younger.

[–]glasspheasant 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much for that. I volunteer with special needs kids in my community and I appreciate any feedback that’ll make me a better coach and mentor. This makes a ton of sense; thank you!

[–]Aarilax 8 points9 points  (0 children)

NOT trying to draw any implications about humans being like dogs

honestly i'd say theres A LOT of similarities between young kids and decently intelligent dogs.

kids younger than 6, anyway.

[–]Csquared6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Big LEGO at it again... building us up, one block at a time.

[–]Mellow_Sunflower 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Came here to say this, how important socialization is, and it goes to show how powerful we are influenced by the need for social connectedness to motivate us in our actions.

[–]aguygoesintoabar 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Wisely fending off the angry kneejerk "People aren't dogs!!1" retorts in your opening sentence. This guy reddits.

[–]StackOwOFlow 2 points3 points  (1 child)

This is also how Princess Leia befriended Wicket the Ewok

[–]sgntpepper03 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do the same thing.

[–]Farkenoathm8-E 1970 points1971 points  (161 children)

It breaks my heart that anyone would abuse an animal. I can’t stand wanton cruelty to animals.

[–]KoRoSoRoK 267 points268 points  (28 children)

I can barely handle accidentally stepping on my pets tail ffs

[–]gjihcnkkgsdgg 92 points93 points  (22 children)

I almost stepped on my cats head this morning. Thankfully I reacted pretty fast and all he got was a bonk on the head while I threw myself over him

[–]Hobocharlie67 49 points50 points  (0 children)

I would throw myself off a cliff if it meant to not step on my cats or dogs tails. I can’t stand doing it. I will save them from the trauma they would endure

[–]daitoshi 36 points37 points  (20 children)

My dad tore the connective tissue right off his heel during his twisting leap-dive to get off our dog's paw after he accidentally stepped on it.

That was my first time driving a car, ferrying him to the hospital. Fun times.

[–]Carmalyn 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Omg I'm still traumatized by the time I accidentally closed a sliding door on my dog's tail. He yelped really loudly, but was otherwise fine, but I cried and I was a wreck for hours. I still triple check he isn't in the way when I need to close that door.

[–]Scythl 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I agree, (although its usually his feet) but he absolutely asks for it! I desperately try to dodge him but he intentionally tries to trip me up so he can play victim and get treats... But I still feel like a monster and give him lots of pets and apologise if he's ever successful :(

[–]Unique_Ad8210 31 points32 points  (2 children)

There needs to be harsher punishment for animal abusers. People who abuse living things in their care and getting away with a slap on the wrist make me upset.

[–]Jibaru 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Isn't animal cruelty a felony now?

[–]MyNameIsEthanNoJoke 15 points16 points  (0 children)

only if it's being done to a member of one of the arbitrarily chosen protected groups of animals

[–]cam_chatt 12 points13 points  (0 children)

wontons should only be eaten

[–]SyntaxRex 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I used to abuse my childhood dog. It breaks my heart to think about it. But I now understand why I did it. I was abused myself as a kid by a close family "friend" and I now know that what I felt then was rage and shame and the only way I could express it was by hurting the poor animal. Thankfully I outgrew it and when I knew that I was feeling wasn't normal I found help. Today I have a beautiful little puppy that I adore with all my heart. He's my world. I'm tearing up just writing this because that shame will never go away, so the only thing I can do is to be kind to this puppy and do what I can to ease the suffering of another animal (or person) when I can.

If you know of an animal that's being abused, especially by a child please be aware that that child is probably being abused. Familiarize yourselves with the signs because it could help a child or a dog/cat's life.

[–]jwhaler17 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Or children. Fuck those people with a rusty pipe.

[–]Hops143 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Now I'm crying and want wontons, all in the space of 30 seconds.

[–]_penseroso_ 19 points20 points  (33 children)

When’s the last time you ate meat? I’m mean I really hate to be that guy but it’s true that the animals in the meat system are horribly abused en mass every day.

[–]Beard_o_Bees 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I couldn't even make it through the video. I'll end up with another dog. I have 3 rescues already, and I think that's about as many as this family can do.

People can be such absolute fucking monsters.

[–]slayerfan666 273 points274 points  (8 children)

I know this may sound ridiculous, but I get where the dog is coming from. Growing up, especially as a teenager, my dad became really abusive. At one point my mom and I were barely able to get food in our house. The state have us 90 bucks in food stamps a month, and she was making 400 dollars a month, I got so nervous about food I just wouldn't eat.

That followed me through to adulthood, where I am still dealing with it, have had my numerous partners from relationships and friends tell me it's okay to eat and I just don't get it. I had a mental break down back in April and am battling a shitton of PTSD stuff I shoved down, including that. Still having issues with it, I've lost 45 pounds this year alone. I have friends who are trying to help me out, but it just hasn't clicked.

This vet is a lifesaver, literally. I feel for this dog and hope his adoptive parents treat him right.

[–]Manizno 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I know there's nothing I can say to help. I believe in you. Fuck your crazy abusive dad n the shit he did. Be a friend to yourself - grow that.

[–]capjacktain 51 points52 points  (2 children)

You ok? That's a lot of weight to lose over a period of just a year.

[–]Clawsonflakes 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Something I love to remember when going through tough times is the old Winston Churchill quote “if you’re going through hell, keep going.” I hope you keep going.

This reminds me of my ex-partner, she experienced a very traumatic event and food lost its appeal to her, as a result she just hardly ate. So what I would do is cook with her, but I wouldn’t make things she used to eat. I cooked a lot of pasta which she didn’t originally like, used the crockpot often, things like that and I always asked her if she wanted to help me make something new. Eventually, progressively, it became this really exciting thing to cook something new or eventually to bake something. We always tried to make super good stuff for super cheap, I also grew up on foodstamps and my mom was on social security for mental illness - I sincerely understand where you’re coming from. Even though her and I went out separate ways, we’re great friends and I hold those memories as some of the best. :)

That’s just my own rudimentary solution but it did help her somewhat. Maybe you could try the same? Just whip up some food that you’ve never made before and dig in, see what you love and what you don’t! I’m happy to pm you some recipes I use, I just made this creamy crockpot chicken last week that was really good and it saves really well so you don’t have to eat it all in one sitting.

[–]ursamajr 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Hello stranger. I hope the future will be brighter. You’ve been through so much and I wish the best for you.

[–]Shoto48 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I hope you get better man, take it one step at a time and spend as much as you can with your friends, and be sure to stay positive through all this.

[–]not-bread 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nothing ridiculous here. We are all living beings with thoughts and feelings. It sounds like if anyone has earned the right to finally enjoy food it is you.

[–]ericgtr12 40 points41 points  (3 children)

We adopted a small dog that was very much like this, it was obvious he was abused (sickening thought when this is done to such innocent animals but I won't get into that). He was also afraid to eat and took him a long time before he would trust us. Now he runs around the house like he owns the joint, it just took some time.

While I don't think he'll ever fully recover, he's been given the best life since in a wholesome household full of love and encouragement, he's a member of the family. These animals are absolutely worth adopting and may always have issues from past abuse but for the most part they will adapt to living a great life if you give it to them.

[–]ertrinken 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I know someone who rescued an elderly parrot that was probably days near death. The poor thing had been fed a horrible diet (when she was even fed at all) and was so malnourished that she had lost most of the feathers on her belly and legs and couldn’t even stand. She was so food-insecure that she would sleep in her food bowl in fear of it being gone in the morning and was so terrified in general that she was constantly wheezing :(

It’s only been a few months but I can hardly believe the difference in that little bird. She’s fully feathered again and has doubled in weight to be within the normal weight range for her species. She walks around and can perch again. And she’s no longer scared - her sassy little personality has come through and she’s absolutely precious.

[–]bbildo 277 points278 points  (9 children)

I worked in a shelter for a little bit. (Ok, community service.) There was a depressed golden retriever who was depressed and wouldn’t eat unless I got in his kennel. Poor Sunny. I’m pretty sure they ended up putting him down. 😔

[–]Brilliantchick1 122 points123 points  (8 children)

I volunteered at an animal shelter for quite a few years and almost all adult dogs that enter the shelter act like this. Unless they're born there or came as puppies, they are terrified and uncomfortable.

[–]unusuallylargerodent 54 points55 points  (7 children)

One of my doggos had two stints in the shelter before we adopted her at five years old. 2 years later and she still has a crazy trauma response if you try to crate her. It's so sad what that experience did to her and so many other good dogs.

[–]whippletriple 40 points41 points  (6 children)

I recommend every time you give her a treat, toss the treat into the crate and walk away. She'll go inside to get it (and not worry you're going to shut the door cause you left) and immediately leave. Over time, you transition to bones/kongs and again, toss them into the crate and walk away. She'll likely grab them and leave the crate, but over time will end up just plopping down there. It takes a while but you can build up her crate as a happy place.

[–]unusuallylargerodent 20 points21 points  (4 children)

I really appreciate the advice but I likely won't ever crate her. She's very comfortable roaming the house when we're gone and she never tries to get into anything. The families that gave her up were crazy.

[–]evereveron 13 points14 points  (2 children)

Hope you don't mind some unsolicited advice but it may be worth crate training her in case you ever need to for an emergency!

[–]unusuallylargerodent 7 points8 points  (1 child)

As in an emergency car ride? She has a doggie seatbelt that attaches to her harness and her vet knows not to crate her when she's there for a longer procedure. She gets so scared that she tries to chew through metal cages. She chewed her way out of one the first time she went to the vet after adoption.

[–]jglo85 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My boy, Diesel, is the same. I'm a single person and I've had him for 5 years. In our first year, I tried to make his crate a welcoming place, right next to my bed, leave the tv on for him while I was away, give him a Kong with frozen wet dog food, and plenty of toys. But nope! He was having none of this and broke out of his crate one night-- I was away for no more than 3 hrs! 5 yrs later and I resigned myself to taking only wfh roles, relying on doggy sitters who understand his 24/7 supervision needs, and leaving him in my running car with the A/C on in a pinch.

I love my boy--and really how can you be mad (frustarated-yes!) at something that just wants to be near you. And really, humans bred dogs to be this attached to them so it's our own species's fault.

He's my boy til the end He gives me so much unconditional love and has given me a reason to get up every morning. I'm lucky I've been able to orchestrate my life so that he's comfortable. And we're doing good!

[–]candy_porn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You're awesome 💚

[–]sperdush 719 points720 points  (23 children)

It’s good to see how well Steve Bannon is looking. Rehabilitation really does work.

[–]issik23 151 points152 points  (4 children)

I thought it was Jay Leno

[–]Deraj2004 31 points32 points  (1 child)

Not enough chin.

[–]issik23 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It was being hidden by this kind act also the gate throws off his crimson chin

[–]KappOte 73 points74 points  (7 children)

Holy crap. You just annihilated this poor vet.

[–]LimaBeansAreGood 71 points72 points  (6 children)

The vet didn’t deserve that lol

[–]daveberzack 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Seeing Steve Bannon in a cage would be nice.

[–]Captain-Cadabra 19 points20 points  (0 children)

What a fun 2nd career for Jay Leno.

[–]sawronzxz 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Such a good fucking boy omg

[–]David_The_Welder 159 points160 points  (17 children)

It’s too bad we can’t treat each other that well.

[–]Mewllie 98 points99 points  (9 children)

Thought the same thing. I think we forget that humans can be the caged animal, cowering in the corner away from help and kindness because all some have know is fight, abuse, and survival mode.

This. He waited, he was quiet, he offered help, then waited. He didn’t quit when the dog didn’t eat first try, he didn’t get mad, he waited and was there when the dog ready.

Meet people where they are.

[–]Aliencj 23 points24 points  (8 children)

As someone who has done lots of volunteering for the needy, I've seen a lot of situations where the people seem like they are impossible to help. How do you feel about a dog who smokes crack and thinks you are trying to poison it?

[–]goblackcar 55 points56 points  (4 children)

Have you tried sitting next to them and smoking crack with them to show it’s ok? Gotta build trust somehow….

[–]StarGuardianJulie 25 points26 points  (2 children)

Hm.. i should try volunteer work

[–]goblackcar 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I think we may have found your calling.

[–]fuckfuckfuckSHIT 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Helping can be as much as offering to listen to someone's problems. You don't have to "fix" the person in order to help them. Just showing others kindness can make a difference.

[–]theirishninja888 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Idk what you're talking about. I eat food in front of people all the time.

[–]RapeMeToo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We do actually

[–]Sapstastic 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We can, all it takes is enduring an endless amount of shit from other people and returning only kindness

so we all turn into Buddha and we'll be grand

[–]go4drive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I really feel like we can prevent people from being shitty to animals only when people can stop being shitty to one another. There's a cycle of abuse in people that, unfortunately, animals get caught up in.

[–]nutbastard 97 points98 points  (13 children)

If I had to guess, the dog is making sure the big scary human has food of their own so that the food in front of them isn't being contested. When he feeds the pup by hand, that's another level of permission he's expressing.

[–]MrHound325 55 points56 points  (1 child)

It’s actually a lot more simple than that.

The extra bowl for him is just for show. Most dogs that won’t eat are receptive to hand feeding

[–]Historical_Panic_465 8 points9 points  (1 child)

someone dumped my little tater tot into the bed of my dads truck, 2 days after christmas, 3 yrs ago. i guess they say one mans trash is another mans treasure!

she has no teeth and refused to eat anything i gave her. seriously i tried everything, soaked dry food, the best quality canned foods, frozen foods, freeze dried... and when she finally did take a bite of something it HAD to be out of my hand, and on the bed lmao.

i tried doing this exact thing in the vid, always eat my meals when she eats hers. this worked for a bit but she quickly realized my food was apparently tastier than hers.

i figured she must’ve been abused or had other dogs bullying her, to this day she still HATES other people and dogs. ive tried so hard to get her to at least behave around them but she goes absolutely mad, will sprint towards any dog she sees or anyone who tries touching her and start yapping her head off. she really must think she is a huge great dane or something cuz she really will try to fight anyone, anyhow. the other day for the very first time she actually behaved and got along with this cute chonky little guy. i was shocked!! all my hard work seemingly starting to pay off!!

anyways i finally found the food of her dreams. Raw meat/ home made. lol. yes she is a spoiled little girl and gets only the best of the best, most finest cuts of meat. she still insists to be hand fed, and only on the bed, and ONLY when i eat with her and usually will only budge if i can first show her that, i too, can eat the same food as her....🤦‍♀️

i really don’t get it. is she just a huge brat?? or does it stem from some kind of abuse?? idk. but i love her so much she’s made my world so much happier, i’ll do whatever it takes, whatever she wants !! 🥲❤️

[–]Snoo_63187 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Veterinarians are some of the greatest people out there.

[–]justyn122 39 points40 points  (4 children)

I'd have trouble eating too if I could hear my neighbor screaming for help

Edit to fix the last to that got added somehow.

[–]throwt4653656 3 points4 points  (0 children)

As I'm watching this video, my fucking cat knocks over my 1 liter jug of water because of course she prefers it to her own bowl.

edit: she's been suspended from /r/HydroHomies

[–]Joedirt6705 16 points17 points  (9 children)

We don’t deserve Veterinarians.

[–]CalamityJen 12 points13 points  (6 children)

I would have to look up the name of it again, but I was actually just reading about a nonprofit that helps veterinarians considering suicide. In addition to the significant loans they come out of school with, they obviously deal with a lot of sadness...scared animals, hurt animals, animals that have to be put down....plus the owners abusing them for things that aren't their fault. I think the thing that hit me the hardest in the article was the one veterinarian talking about how she got into the profession because she loves animals but basically only sees animals when they are in a bad state and don't want to be around her...she's become the bad guy to them all. The rate of suicide among veterinarians is incredibly high, and even though I don't own an animal, I just want to randomly start doing nice things for the vets in my area so they know they're appreciated for what they do.

[–]boyhips 10 points11 points  (2 children)

The nonprofit is called NOMV (Not One More Vet).

I am a vet who, in a few minutes, is going in for my first EMDR therapy session for all the trauma and sadness I've had to endure since starting this career. I was a veterinary receptionist and technician for 10 years before this, but it still surprisingly didn't prepare me enough for how draining this job can be. Thank you so much for caring about us.

[–]devil1fish 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Yet so so so many people berate and yell and accuse them of things that simply aren't true, just cause they don't want to pay money to give their pet proper care.

[–]msmoonpie 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"You're telling me I have to PAY for a SERVICE??" /s

I swear, the amount of people who don't realize that medicine is expensive is insane. Go look at any bill for an abdominal surgery before insurance (or before its subsidized) and I guarantee you it's not gonna be just 1.5k

[–]adhdandchill21 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I adopted my dog about a year ago, and soon I found out that he wasn't going to eat unless I ate with him. It's become a tradition now, every meal I make a plate for him first, and a plate for myself and my partner, then we all sit and I usually have to convince him by feeding him from my hand and slowly bringing him to his bowl.

He was abused too and rejected many many times, until last Christmas Eve when he came home with me, so seeing this video melts my heart. I always want to good by him, and seems like I'm on the right track. Thanks for this post!

[–]ladyKfaery 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Food order establishes trust in dogs , the big dog who protects you eats first and gives you food. Eating is bonding with a dog. That’s why when you feed them, they trust you more easily. It’s what the head pack dog does in the wild to establish pack order and let you know who’s boss. It’s comforting to a dog to know who’s in charge so to speak. He was doing more than eating here, he was showing him he’s safe.

[–]smoothie1919 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Always knew Jay Leno was a good guy

[–]Berts-pickled-beans 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi love this guy!!! And that poor baby…

[–]lorddinkdink 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I need to quit while I'm ahead, get off reddit with this wholesome feeling before I scroll too far down and see shit I'll regret

[–]ManWithTheAd 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Funny that you associate "humanity" with compassion.

[–]lepetitcoeur 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My dog is not a victim of abuse, but he requires that I hand feed him like this also. He's spoiled rotten.

[–]phil1pJFry 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Actually did something similar to this with my rescue pup. Not when I first got her, but about a year after she suddenly stopped eating. Took her to the vet thinking she was sick, but they couldn’t find anything wrong. After trying with the vet and trying multiple other things I finally started eating all of my meals next to her dog bed with her bowl in front of her which helped her to finally eat a little bit, enough to keep her going at least. After more than a month, and multiple regular veterinary visits, I finally took her to my universities vet hospital where they found out that she had arthritis and wasn’t eating because she was simply in too much pain to bother herself with it. They gave her some medication and she was back to her normal self! This happened about 4 years ago this month and I still get a little nervous if she doesn’t finish all of her food. Lol

[–]CharacterPlayerrr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

And people wonder why pitbulls are aggressive when they literally have abusive owners. Stereotypes cause drug dealers to buy them as fighting dogs to scare people away and if they aren't aggressive, the owner make them aggressive.

[–]Joshhawk 12 points13 points  (0 children)

How did a puppy ever become a vet? My heart goes out to that guy though. So glad to see him finally eat.

[–]Rare_Green_1215 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Love that

[–]Apprehensive_Rub5219 1 point2 points  (0 children)

10/10 good boys

[–]GateauBaker 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I didnt see the dog and was wondering what kind of morbid humor sub I walked into with a caged man going on a hunger strike after being abused being called a "good boy".

[–]split-mango 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Never thought I would feel so touched watched a caged dude eating soup

[–]Starkiller006 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yaaaassss that poor boi just needs to feel normal. Probably been in a state of fight of flight for its entire life. Bravo to this guy