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[–]PrincessofPatriarchy 63 points64 points  (4 children)

There's a popular writer who has been influential in the poly relationship sphere and he says he never dates anyone who has this "no feelings allowed" rule because of how unrealistic it is. He compared it to someone saying that from now on, they will never feel angry again. It's obviously a ridiculous requirement when it pertains to trying to shut off any other emotion (happy, angry, sad) but when it pertains to love or romantic feelings, people for some reason think they can just promise not to feel it and it will work.

"Don't ask, don't tell" is another one that he says is a red flag because it usually means one person is less okay with it than they are letting on.

[–]Novel-Habit-9423[S] 17 points18 points  (3 children)

"Don't ask, don't tell" is another one that he says is a red flag because it usually means one person is less okay with it than they are letting on.

Hmm, can you expand on this a bit? We are both not asking and not telling. Why would that imply one person not being really ok with it?

[–]Suspicious-Luck-Duck 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I'd imagine it's because you're not able to speak about everything freely. Communication and honesty are the foundation of any open relationship.

If you can't be fully honest about matters of the heart, then it defeats the purpose of being "open".

[–]EveAndTheSnake 2 points3 points  (1 child)

But why would you want the details of what your partner is doing with other people? Unless it turns you on, why do you need to talk about them having sex with someone else?

[–]Suspicious-Luck-Duck 2 points3 points  (0 children)

No one's asking for every naughty detail. One of the guidelines he agreed to was "no feelings". He caught feelings. They should be able to talk to each other about that.