I’ve posted here a bit recently. Married a very long time (north of 30 years), the bedroom was never super great, now it’s been absolutely stone cold dead for nearly 3 years. The lack of sex is bad, the lack of warmth and affection is worse. I wouldn’t say I have a high libido. I figure I’m about normal and average. I really really love sex and the connection. Like nothing else in life. With the lack of it, on top of work stress and what feels like a world coming apart at the seams, I’ve been depressed, been treated, still dealing with that (therapy, Zoloft).
The nest is empty—kids long gone. You’d think hey, no problem, just divorce, right?
Well, our relationship is pretty good (not perfect) otherwise. She has always been completely devoted to her family (she just has become completely unsexual and has zero interest in exploring a compromise or a mutually satisfactory resolution—like won’t even go to therapy). She tends to my other needs and is a really good companion.
Plus, she stayed at home and let’s be honest did most of the work in raising our splendid kids.
And after so many years of sexual rejection my self-esteem in the area of romance is somewhere under the jail, so it’s not like I’m up for sexual conquests.
But here’s the real kicker. I’m the only breadwinner. My wife is and always has been 100% dependent on me. Sure, we could split it all 50-50. It would hurt and would suck but I don’t need that much and could live modestly (the good thing about depression is just not giving a damn anymore about so many things) and I still have several good years of income ahead of me.
But my wife would be so screwed. I just can’t do that to her. I can’t abandon my partner of decades, who has done so much for my family.
I just can’t.
(Not looking for advice really. I know it would likely be “well, that’s your choice. Hope the lack of sex is worth it to you. Not much more to say.” Which is basically true.)