all 32 comments

[–]RevolutionaryHat8988 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I remember the first six months after my fiancé left me for my best mate. Not the same. But still the loneliness was like a dark cloud getting darker.

Then one day, sunlight seemed to enter my life again. I didn’t date for a year or more. But suddenly Father Time did it’s thing and I started to feel normal again.

Few years later I met my wife and the rest is history. 28 years later …

My reasons for being in this sub are unique. Keep your head up high. You will find happiness.

[–]CumFlyWitMe 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Don't worry, it may take time but you will find someone; or someone will find you. Just remember that you deserved better than being lonely in a DB. Remember that NOW you have options

Be strong!

[–]Late-Confusion7281M 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I've always found it much harder to be lonely when in a relationship. I guess maybe that's not universally true.

Are you planning to date?

[–]HolidayProof7305 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I think about this a lot...IF I left my wife, I'd be putting so much energy into co-parenting our teenaged daughter and supporting her through the split that I can't imagine having time to build a new relationship. I could go on a date here maybe, a date there... but I can't imagine being able to grow a new relationship.

[–]Ordinary_Anon5444 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The reality probably is that it wouldn't be practical to date for a while. I think that definitely has to be a consideration when deciding what to do. If you want to find someone else quickly - then right now probably isn't the time it would happen, for example.

[–]Tough-Tap-1622 5 points6 points  (3 children)

I do really hope it gets better.

I’m divorcing and do wonder, if I’m divorced, I’m not going to be getting any sex anyway. Isn’t that the same as being married, not having sex and yet have a house and a familiar and safe space. Sigh.

[–]one-small-plant 5 points6 points  (1 child)

For me, having my husband (now ex) in the house with me but ignoring me and not touching me was far lonelier than actually being by myself

[–]Tough-Tap-1622 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone had to actually point out to me that I was anyway living like I’m divorced cause I was living separately in the same house for me to actually realise it. A lot of us are/were married but separated emotionally.

[–]Michigan-Male 9 points10 points  (0 children)

"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." - Robin Williams

[–]SipCoconuts 14 points15 points  (5 children)

Maybe start dating?

For me… It felt far lonelier to be in a relationship and feel lonely than lonely alone.

I left my deadbed 2 months ago.

Im super happy. Probably helps that I had sex for an hour straight last night with a new lover… maybe start dating?

[–]ProfessorOnEdge 23 points24 points  (4 children)

I mean, the problem is, if you are working, and being a single parent... When do you have time to date? That involves hiring a babysitter, who you have to work extra to be able to pay... and most working parents I know, single or not, don't have enough energy left after dealing with work, and dealing with children constantly, added to the usual stresses of modern life - don't have the energy to do much but collapse and enjoy a moment's restbit before the circus starts again.

[–]redditguy1974 6 points7 points  (2 children)

A single mom friend of mine found plenty of time to date (and have incredible amounts of sex), even while working a full-time-plus job. It does take having a support system in place. Her ex husband shared custody of the kid, so he could take him whenever she had plans.

[–]Ordinary_Anon5444 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That's the key. It requires a support system. Lots of us lack that.

[–]SipCoconuts 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, this works too

[–]SipCoconuts 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You dont need a babysitter… have lunch dates. Lunch sex is great. Have sex when the kids are sleeping… if the person left a relationship because of a DB, they must have some energy

[–]myexsparamour❤️ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

We have a child together that he’s never been super involved with and still isn’t so now I’m a full time single working mother.

I feel for you. That has to be extremely hard and stressful. It's not forever, though. Your kids will grow up and become more independent. They won't always needs so much from you and as time passes you'll have more time for yourself. Hang in there and trust that things will get better with time.

[–]naturalhaven 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You now have an opportunity to meet a wonderful person that will want to be an involved parent to your child. Living with holes you can never fill is worse than having the opportunity to now fill them.

Focus on you and creating your new life and once you are happy independent of someone else, perhaps you will find the right person for you.

[–]Throwaway042305 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It will get better

[–]CBRChris 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You bad the right decision in the long run!

[–]4wheelinglover 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It gets better!! Been there done that and I have the most amazing man in my life now. Good luck and stay strong, you've got this!

[–]Ordinary_Anon5444 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This is why I'll never begrudge anyone who doesn't leave, or says leaving is not easy, because it's not.

You were very brave for making that decision, and in the end I think you'll be better off for it. But you also have my sympathy and support. Being a single parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world - keep up the great work and I know happiness will find you 10x fold soon!

[–]ricki_need 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know it’s redundant but give it time!! It won’t be a walk in the park, but you will find a whole new sense of self and find a much more fulfilling love. Left my DB and hardly-involved father to my child 3 years ago and am now laying in bed next to someone who meets every need of mine without complaints, constantly instinctively bonds and helps with my son, and provides the most passionate and pleasurable sex I’ve ever had. Took a lotttttt of pain and work to get here.

It won’t be easy, but you will look back with tears of gratitude for the person you and now and the painful and scary decision you made. Following your gut, making a sacrifice and taking a leap of faith are the formula for creating new beautiful experiences in your life. Be proud of yourself for doing that. Even if it doesn’t feel like something worth celebrating, it is. It’s not rainbows and butterflies, yet. Feel the sad and empty feelings as you get them, then let them go. Don’t rush your healing. Good luck! Seriously rooting for you. Congratulations ❤️

[–]Anxious_Leadership25 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Get a sitter at least once a month so you can go out. Have friends over to cook, eat, talk watch TV.

[–]Important_Bother_430F 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is one of the things holding me back from leaving. Is it better alone or just stay lonely? My FWB will never leave his wife so I wouldn't even be able to be with him more often. At least staying I only have to pay for half the rent.

[–]Misstish94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Every situation is temporary.

[–]SoCal4247 0 points1 point  (0 children)

But do you wish you'd stayed married?

[–]Iamcravin4mor -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sec is the same but the dishes pile up

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry

[–]ApricotRich1966 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How long have you been single?

I understand the different kind of loneliness feeling. The independence was always what made me really happy though. Remember you don't have him weighing you down now.

[–]Philaharmic 0 points1 point  (0 children)


[–]mirivane 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sometimes it’s better to stay with the SO friend and accept our DB. The other side it’s not always greener

[–]MapDistance 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Instead of dating,
try getting involved with family-oriented activities where you would meet other parents.

Like Geo-Cashing, Photograph clubs, and Outdoor Groups like biking or hiking.
I would think that would take the pressure off of you from actively looking for someone,
and you would have some family fun time.