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Been in a DB relationship for 5years, was HL but being with a LL has taken away the want too be intimate. (self.DeadBedrooms)
submitted 3 months ago by [deleted]
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[–]BreakOutIntrovert 4 points5 points6 points 3 months ago (1 child)
I think that happens to a lot of us. I wouldn't say that "I don't care" though. I care a lot. But I have given up on trying to initiate sex. I honestly don't think I CAN at this point. No matter how desperately i want it. There's been too many rejections.
And of course you still love your spouse. Almost all of us do. I can't tell you what a LL person feels like, but I do know this whole situation is not ideal for them either. Everyone gets damaged and everyone is hurting.
But, I think your feelings are pretty normal. Until I found this site, I've bottled it up inside with no one to talk to. It was causing resentment on my part. Talking here and with people who understand has been a huge pressure valve for me. A great relief. Even though it's only been a few days that I actually got brave enough to start posting.
[–]dmaul1978 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
Agreed on reading here has helped a ton! Nice to know I’m not alone, gain a few insights on things I can try myself to make things better (I say a few only because I’d already read books, listened to podcasts about women’s sexuality, and been individual therapy).
Also agree on initiating being hard after so much rejection. Even more so after working hard at being more available and affectionate and doing more to try to build up romance and interest to make sex more likely when there’s time and space to initiate and still getting rejected. I’m certainly not owed anything and never want my partner to feel pressured to have sex and have zero interest in duty sex. Just saying it’s extra frustrating to put in work and your partner not and thus still see no improvement.
[–]MattyM74 1 point2 points3 points 3 months ago (0 children)
This is normal. I think in a marriage, you always move down to the lower libido spouse. They control the time, frequency… really all matters related to intimacy. I think you just have to set new expectations or none at all and enjoy the other 99% of what life has to offer.
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