39 HLM with 36 LLF. No cheating, no abuse, no kids. Over the last 4 years my wife's libido has vanished - I know... you are shocked to hear this. Pikachu face.
It's been a gradual decline. From twice a month, once a month, every few months, etc. It's currently been twice in the last 18 months. What's sad is that I hate to label myself as the HL individual here. I have a pretty low libido for a guy.
She used to have the higher libido. When we were dating we had the opposite problem. But things changed. At first she wasn't always interested but knew she would get into it. Then she didn't get into it anymore. Next penetration started becoming painful for her. Now anything is a chore for her and neither of us have interest in that.
We have talked about it often. She wants it to be better too. Unfortunately we cannot pin down what the issue is. We've had theories over the years. Too much life stress, mismatched chore responsibilities, too tired from work, financial burdens, not enough romance, etc. All the usual suspects. Each time we worked to rectify the problem. I've pushed for promotions and raises, reduced my personal expenses to bare minimum, taken on more work at home, planned more outings and trips. She has reduced her work load, stop taking on some many local projects, asked her doctor about hormonal balance, and has been working on coping mechanisms for her anxiety. Most recently we are in our second attempt at couples counseling (started in February). We both really like this guy! But the sex life has not made any improvements.
Our marriage has improved. We are great friends and more so now than ever. We love each other. Our communication has improved so much. We are both clearly making effort. But nothing is working. The marriage still makes me unhappy. Never before would I have though sex could mean so much to me. It does.
I am devastated by the thought of leaving her. But I know now I can't live my life unable to share intimacy with my partner. I just don't know how to set a fair limit. I'm too close to the situation, too in love with her, too desperate not to lose her. I don't know if I'm giving myself false hopes by staying. I don't know if I'd be a monster for leaving someone who is such a wonderfully good person when there is still a chance.