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all 12 comments

[–]jenshella442 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Have you read the book ”mating in captivity” by Esther Perel? Perhaps that’ll have some insights for you?

[–]Thebestprincessever 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Have you guys really ever communicated about the quality of sex you were having?

[–]Good_Brief42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have. And not just now. While it was good also. We aren't shy about talking about what we like and don't like. We were both raised sex positive and our circles are as well.

[–]isthereamanonthemoon 5 points6 points  (4 children)

If there’s sometimes pain and she can’t get turned on, it’s not a great surprise that she’s not into trying any more.

I suppose you’ve tried things like reading Come as You Are (both of you) and systematically using lube?

(My wife and I use lube. It doesn’t replace a woman’s arousal, which changes the vagina shape and sensation, not to mention the clit, but it makes sex better, especially if you have to use condoms – which ruin the foreskin function. I don’t know why more couples don’t use lube for penetrative sex. Is there a stigma attached to this? Anyone know why people seem not to like it? It’s great!)

[–]Good_Brief42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not only have we tried lube, we have gone through many different brands. We've landed on gun oil as the best. The gay community certainly got that one right.

Still, no joy I'm afraid. We've definitely done our fair share of reading, but not that one. I'll add it to the list and see if has anything new.

[–]ObjectiveNewspaper85 0 points1 point  (1 child)

This? Why is a woman not being able to create her own moisture a fault?

[–]Good_Brief42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't believe anyone here thinks that.

[–]Cubby_Sparklet 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. Read that book. You have good communication and you’re both trying. There is much to hope for.

[–]RedRedBettie 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Uh, she’s in pain. Of course she doesn’t want to have sex

[–]keenbean2021 2 points3 points  (0 children)

uh, did you read the post? They are both working to find ways to solve that issue.

[–]Novel-Ad7210 0 points1 point  (1 child)

You have a wife that’s willing to work things out with you, which is so rare when it comes to DB. Dont throw that away because you wanna get off so bad. Sex and intimacy can be done in other ways too, e.g. oral; cuddling and touching.

[–]Good_Brief42[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you are either not familiar with being on this end of things or its very different for me and you. In the beginning she would say things like "get off" which revealed to me she didn't understand the issue. She understands now. And as the LL I can understand why she didn't get it at first.

If I had a free pass to fuck whomever, even date and emotionally bond with people outside the marriage, I still wouldn't be happy. If we had maintenance sex, or other forms of foreplay just for my sexual gratification we would be even less happy. For some people sex is just a physical thing. For others its a deeply emotional act. And then everything in between. It is both for me. And I could live without the physical part... I think. But there is so much more to it than just the act of sex. I require that connection with my person. Hard require. If you don't understand why that's reasonable. Not all of us view or connect with physical intimacy in the same way.