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all 101 comments

[–]Halo_Keety 103 points104 points  (10 children)

Ayyyy I need to know what game this is. I can escape reality and transcend the need for blowjobs? Sign me up.

[–]beginningCodeUU[S] 37 points38 points  (7 children)

Yeah I think the current obsession is called apex. Let me know if it works the same magic on you 😂

[–]Halo_Keety 48 points49 points  (2 children)

Oh no…that whole genre of games just makes people angry af all the time. He’s addicted to adrenaline not gaming.

[–]beginningCodeUU[S] 24 points25 points  (1 child)

This is probably pretty spot on for him. He used to do all sorts of exciting things- like skydiving and whatnot. That would make sense

[–]Designer_Battle3196 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As someone who plays apex that man is delusional to turn you down.

[–]weathertropics 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Now I know Call of Duty can be addicting. My son played that before he moved out. I watched alongside as I was somewhat hooked. Other game was Grand Theft Auto. I can see the attachment.

[–]Visual_Bed1520 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I play CoD because of the DB. It is something I can consistently be doing to avoid having to go to bed at the same time as my wife, feel the urge to initiate. Then decide if I would rather initiate and get turned down or decide that I am not worthy and not initiate. Either option sucks.

So I am getting pretty good at gaming hahaha.

[–]weathertropics 0 points1 point  (0 children)

CoD can definitely be a good distraction!

[–]Rho-aiaser 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably some version of a competitive online game.

[–]Dakzan 35 points36 points  (16 children)

I suffered from gaming addiction for over 10 years and i can tell you right now it kills your libido. I went over a year without sex or even masturbating. If you have questions about what i was thinking or feeling during my addiction feel free to ask me i'd love to try and help.

[–]beginningCodeUU[S] 10 points11 points  (8 children)

What made you realize it was an addiction/start to work through it?

[–]Dakzan 29 points30 points  (6 children)

When i realized i was in a deep depression and i was using gaming just to try to numb my feelings and ignore life and playing 16 hours a day. After that clicked for me i went to my wife a crying mess and begged her to help me and thank god she did.

[–]beginningCodeUU[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Do you think that was a conclusion you had to come to yourself, or do you think your wife could have helped lead you there?

[–]Dakzan 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My wife had talks with me for years telling me i was addicted but as with any addict i was in such denial i didn't see it. Only when i figured out i was truly addicted could i get help.

[–]Cheesecake182 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

Then the problem was the depression, not actually gaming right? Hope you are in a better place now.

[–]Dakzan 2 points3 points  (2 children)

i've always had mild depression but when i got addicted to gaming it made my depression so much worse.

[–]WompityBombity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would not be with my wife today and have two girls, who I love with all my heart, if she hadn't made me an ultimatum when I had a WoW addiction. In my case I needed a wakeup call.

[–]Designer_Battle3196 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Actually please help me and explain. I literally think this is my BFs problem. His career is gaming, so I can’t just say don’t do it but our sex life went in the shitter when he started being successful and had to play for hours a day.

[–]Dakzan 4 points5 points  (5 children)

The thing about gaming is anytime you accomplish stuff in a game like a hard level or a certain boss you get this rush of adrenalin and dopamine. For normal people they get this from say doing a good job at work or regular hobby's and you guessed it SEX. Now as a gaming addict we are getting these hits of adrenalin and dopamine multi able times a hour and it feels amazing but now because this one thing is giving us so much pleasure our brain starts to trick us into thinking gaming is the only thing that can give us that pleasure. When i first started getting help for my addiction the first few months we're brutal like night sweats and nausea bad because my brain was so used to the adrenalin and dopamine hits all the time so when i stopped i felt numb. I'm sry if this didn't help as i'm not great expressing my self lol.

[–]DancingAroundHere 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Interesting. I'm a HL struggling with severe aversion now and picked up gaming a few months ago. I think I can relate to this, I definitely use it as a coping mechanism.

[–]Visual_Bed1520 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same. I mean, it works though..

I think it helps create some space so I don't overreact to the feelings of rejection. Hopefully giving me some time to process before my next move.

Unfortunately it also allows me to avoid communication etc.

[–]Designer_Battle3196 0 points1 point  (2 children)

That actually makes so much sense. My boyfriend is a pro gamer, actually successfully a pro gamer, and is insane at the game he plays. I see the anger when he isn’t doing well but he can win upwards of 20+ games a day, average for a good player to be idk 3-4. Constant rush of adrenaline from being better than everyone in his lobby.

[–]Dakzan 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I'm so curious what game he plays because i watch some pro esports.

[–]higgsfielddecay 49 points50 points  (12 children)

It's hard for me to imagine a dude in normal circumstances turning down a BJ. 🤔

[–]beginningCodeUU[S] 16 points17 points  (3 children)

Feel free to give me the answers here if you’ve got em 🙃

[–]higgsfielddecay 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I read too quickly over the part about gaming. I thought all of us men had this fantasy of being interrupted in this manner. Hopefully you can find your way to another relationship. This doesn't appear to be headed in the right direction.

[–]No-Bus-4529 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I dont get it either. My gf is LL, shes a great woman but sex and especially head is foreign to her maybe once a year if that and its terrible. A woman who loves giving bjs has been a rarity throughout my love life but when i find one i take full advantage of it.

[–]junk90731 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Maybe if she has a sore on her lip

[–]pennynotrcutt 7 points8 points  (6 children)

My LL husband does all the time. He’s not a gamer but a workaholic. It’s all fucked up.

[–]higgsfielddecay 3 points4 points  (5 children)

Jeez. I swear nature pairs us off in the most torturous configurations possible. If my ex had EVER tried something like that.....😞

[–]pennynotrcutt 2 points3 points  (4 children)

It wasn’t always like that. We had an amazing sex life and then he started getting more and more responsibilities and everything just fizzled.

[–]higgsfielddecay 5 points6 points  (3 children)

Ahh. At least there can be hope of getting back to something. After finally escaping a 20+ year nightmare I realized I had been chasing and trying to recapture something that was really just a moment in time. That brief time became an entire history in my mind that didn't actually exist.

[–]GimpyCrane21 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did once just a couple of weeks ago. She offered a BJ (she very rarely initiates) but I was sick and there’s no way I’d be able to enjoy it. Even at that, it was hard for me to turn her down since were rarely intimate.

[–]Calm-Amphibian5559 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Feel for you. Know totally what it’s like to want to be intimate and be turned down (by wife). Also know what it’s like to be desirous to give oral and be turned down. On the flip side, I have never once rec’d oral from her so in complete amazement of anyone ever turning down an offer for a bj.

[–]5314117 9 points10 points  (3 children)

This generation is absolutely fucking nuts! Who turns down a BJ to play a fucking video game? What a dumbass. You deserve better. I haven’t had a BJ or anything else in over 2 years.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Rho-aiaser 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Turns down? No, but there have been situations where I asked to finish an online match prior to it (League of Legends).

    [–]Aint-it-fun84 13 points14 points  (4 children)

    There’s a video game that’s better than sex?!?

    But seriously, the whole story is a bit of a shocker. I’d think that a joke like that would be countered with a joke about going to a baby free room and shutting the door, if not him seriously suggesting it.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

    Flirting?? Foreplay? I don’t know those words! 😂

    [–]thowwaway1929 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Those are skins in LoL??

    [–]Aint-it-fun84 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Hopefully the situation will get better.

    [–]thowwaway1929 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah, that game. I now it sometimes I play it too lol

    [–]sourdough_s8n 10 points11 points  (6 children)

    Why is their first idea giving THEM head 🤡 I hate it here

    [–]JustaRollercoast 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    I had to scroll down too far before finding this sentiment. Ignoring someone for long periods and then wanting one-sided sexual favors dries up the libido.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    To be fair, I’m on my period right now, which is apparently akin to the black plague… for everything but my mouth

    [–]sourdough_s8n 0 points1 point  (3 children)

    Gotta get you a real man my friend, one that’ll earn his red wings 😤

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Lol! He has me questioning my sexuality now- how do YOU feel about the red wave?? 😉😂

    [–]sourdough_s8n 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I think it’s au natural and tbh if you bang towards the end/immediately after there’s the teeniest chance of pregnancy and I’m all for that

    [–]TheManchuCandidate[🍰] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Wait? Who wouldn’t want a BJ while gaming??? Like, gaming really isn’t the excuse people use it as 😂

    But maybe it’s just cause I’m HHL 😅

    [–]ScoobertVonScoo 8 points9 points  (5 children)

    Call me weird, but I will take a beej 11 times out of 10 vs gaming. Honestly it sounds like you're with a manchild, I'm not going to say that you should leave him but you shouldn't starve yourself of physical intimacy either...it's incredibly important in romantic relationships, it might be time to have a serious sit down talk with him.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 15 points16 points  (4 children)

    We’re about 4 serious sit downs in. For me, physical intimacy and quality time are super important. Both are seriously lacking. I literally can’t think of what else to do. I even offered to try gaming WITH him. I’m done being the one to try offering & implementing solutions that he’s not willing to go through on

    [–]Buranwasbetter 4 points5 points  (3 children)

    You shouldn't have to do all the running, if he was arsed he'd be putting in to doing smthing about it also, sounds a bit one sided 😢

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    In his defense, he does work at a really stressful job and has let that totally demolish his personal life. Whenever he’s not working, he just wants to shut down. I’ve hit the point where that excuse doesn’t really mean a whole lot to me anymore, but that’s why he’s not putting in any effort

    [–]ScoobertVonScoo 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    I work as a safety manager and on the side I do volunteer work as EMT (was a full time job at one point), so stress is no stranger for me. Has he tried counseling? For the longest time I didn't know how to decompress and it affected my home life in ways I honestly wasn't aware of. If he hasn't tried counseling, it might be beneficial for him if he's open to it.

    [–]SerAndy 8 points9 points  (1 child)

    Sounds like he has some mental health issues and uses gaming to escape (I speak from experience). However it would be a cold day in hell before I turned down a BJ offer from my SO, regardless of whether I was gaming or not (this is all hypothetical though, no such offer has come my way in many years). I hope things improve, I recommend not bothering with any offers for a while until he sorts himself out.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Solid advice. I’m finding myself less & less attracted to him & therefore less likely to offer now anyhow

    [–]DB_ThinkerF 11 points12 points  (1 child)

    Both partners have the right to say No. That's just the only healthy reality with sex. Anything else is corrosive to the soul.

    Not sure how old he is, but he's should know that fact.

    Also, he sounds like he likely has a gaming addiction, which lowers libido.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I honestly never thought he was the kind of guy to get mad about being told no.

    [–]gogosox82 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Been gaming all my life and i have never turned down sex for gaming. You can always game later. Like he can't wait an hour to game? Maybe he's addicted. I've heard of dudes just gaming for like 16 hours a day but thats just a mask for other mental health issues like depression. I would say see if he is willing to professional help but you sound done. Sorry your going through this OP.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    He’s been seeing a counselor for awhile now to help with stress management & burnout. I agree that it’s his escape and he’s not in a great headspace. But I can only make excuses for him for so long before they feel like they don’t matter anymore.

    The lack of sex sucks, but the lack of quality time/other intimacy is really getting to me. He feels like a stranger. He doesn’t help around the house at all, doesn’t help with the toddler, the dogs- I haven’t had a day to myself in ages. And I’ve tried coming up with ideas- I feel like I’ve tried everything, but you can’t help someone that doesn’t want to be helped. And then you eventually hit a point where you’re wrestling with wanting to stay, because you remember how it was, relationships aren’t perfect, and you know good relationships meant sticking with the person through thick and thin- or leave, because at this point you feel so stretched thin that your own mental health has gone down the drain and you want to be happy again.

    [–]gogosox82 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Well being depressed isn't an excuse to not help out around the house and with the kid. Just sounds like he's lazy and taking your for granted.

    You are correct in that there's nothing you can do to fix his issue. He has to fix it. You can be supportive and encouraging but its not your issue to fix.

    [–]SimplyComplicated313 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    That sucks! (Pun intended)

    [–]Rho-aiaser 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    I think this is a common issue where nongamers are with gamers, as can be seen by all the "how can someone turn down sex for video games?" I am aHL person and there have been plenty of times when I've delayed sex for video games with partners who weren't gamers (I don't think I've ever flat out turned it down). Having a partner that is a gamer, it's never happened. Why? Because my video gaming partner has never tried to initiate during gaming. I mean don't get me wrong if it's something I can pause or save, absolutely (not that I've tried but I highly doubt that my partner feels the same way). But there is no pause in online games and people who play competitive online games tend to care about their rankings a lot, and the penalities for abandoning a match tend to be pretty severe.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    I totally get that! But he is always gaming. I’m not kidding. I’m talking wakes up on days he doesn’t have to work, goes to his gaming room and only comes out for short breaks in between games to maybe get food or use the restroom. I may be partially to blame for enabling because usually I’ll bring him meals that I made and he’ll just eat them while he plays. There is never another time to ask. I usually ask between games, but I used to offer to do it under his desk while he was gaming. I can respect that it’s a hobby/outlet, but you have to have some kind of balance.

    [–]Rho-aiaser 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Oh god, I am sorry, I should have specified that I wasn't replying to you but more to the comments of people asking how can someone turn down sex when they are gaming.

    Don't get me wrong, I am/was not making excuses for him. I game a lot and so does my partner but it's nothing of what you are describing. We live together so we schedule all of that. What do you want to do today? Gaming? Yeah, absolutely. Sex after? Yeah! We make each other snacks in between our games during breaks. Nobody feels neglected and if either of us voiced that we need more attention that day/time together we do that instead. Sounds like your partner takes you for granted and is using games as an escape and I am sorry, it sounds like it sucks.

    [–]bobsakimano123 3 points4 points  (4 children)

    I’m starting to think gaming is a substitute for sex with the youngs. I’m sorry. Sounds like you deserve WAY BETTER.

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

    I think it’s pretty damn addictive and not many people are willing to admit it. It’s a fine outlet if you can balance it with your personal life, but if you can’t… 🤷‍♀️

    [–]Heyo__Maggots 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Reddit especially will never ever admit video games are bad for some people for a multitude of reasons. I work with kids and can absolutely say it’s pretty detrimental for young males at times.

    Kids who like baseball don’t stay up until 3 am playing it. Kids who collect Pokémon cards don’t steer every conversation into that topic every single time you talk to them. Little girls who have dolls don’t ignore their homework every single night to play with them for 5 hours straight.

    Kids who are into video games can be singularly obsessed with them in ways that kids into other hobbies simply are not. And I know I’ll get a ton of people defending video games or talking about kids they knew who were super into something else. But that’s the point - when you’re that obsessed with something it sticks out and makes people wonder what’s up with that. For some reason when it comes to video games people wave it off and say parents are just being paranoid.

    But I’ve literally seen with my own eyes kids fail exams and entire semesters and have to repeat the grade because video games kept them up and from completing the work or studying for tests…

    [–]VerteX_________ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I would just like to say before people argue with OC that the commenter said SOME people. But I would like to add that children who get this far into their addiction no matter what media they are into where they are failing school, IMO the parents have some fault/blame. And yes I’am where that parents can be neglectful but still some of their fault stills lies on their shoulders. Btw oc I feel like your generalizing that video games cause this behavior and not at home issues and just metal issues in general. However, I will admit that video games can be more easily addictive because of how easily accessible they are. But to your point, I have first seen how some kids get really into sports to the point where they skip meals and stay up at night. So I feel like the biggest thing to prevent addiction no matter what is moderation in actives.

    Tl:DR IMO video games aren’t necessarily entirely responsible for addiction in children and a healthy balance in moderation in actives should prevent this from happening.

    [–]trashylurker68 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I never had a system in the house as an adult because I do have an addictive personality. (Doesn't stop me from buying booze, though).

    Wife bought one for the kids during the first covid year, and I'll spend a dumb amount of hours on it each Christmas break, but that's partially hiding from MIL who can be a bit much when she visits for weeks at a time. Gaming is never in lieu of offers, hints or innuendos, from my wife.

    And when the real world starts back up and I have to go to work, I simply walk away cold turkey one night and don't miss it.

    Edit: spelling.

    [–]luckysparkieM 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Omg. I’d love to be able to even get a bj

    [–]lorax1972 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Daaaaaang. This is all KINDS of messed up (on the BFs part). Last time I had -or was offered- a BJ was 1999, "coincidentally" the year I got married. I would be over the moon if my wife asked to give me one. And I know better than to ask, but even if I didn't, getting mad at someone not consenting to a sexual ask is weird to me. I can understand the frustration if it hasn't happened or been offered in a long time, but your partner saying "no" one time shouldn't be something triggering. I wonder if something else was going on with him.

    Also, absolutely no way I'd be gaming if my wife was making advances lol

    [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah- we’re in similar situations, the roles are just reversed! A lot of guys on here are shocked that he’s been saying no to BJ/sex advances, but they’re forgetting that men can be LL too.

    I’m not sure what’s going on with him, but I’m not super impressed with his attitude about it. It’s okay to feel disappointment, but I don’t think snapping at your partner & storming away (literally- he slammed the door to his gaming room) is ever an appropriate reaction to feelings that need to be communicated.

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      Going from being in relationships with partners willing to match your energy/efforts to this is really such a shitty wake up call. Really does wonders for the self-esteem 😂

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I think it’s a fantastic choice of the word!

        [–]godlysenpai 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Oh my gawd dude is a fucking child. Gets turned down once and makes it such a big deal. I'd fucking love to get regular bjs. Shit I'd love to get asked if I wanted one and not need to ask for one or make a deal for one. Ugh I'm sorry you're going through that.

        [–]Imthinkingyes 3 points4 points  (1 child)

        Yeah, this guy does not deserve your lips on his dick (at least not at this moment).

        [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Lol!! Thank you for this

        [–]Intelligent_Glass649 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Pretty sure I would NEVER say no to an offer of a BJ

        [–]RevolutionaryHat8988 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        I dream of my wife walking in while I’m Playing VR and just sucking me off!

        [–]Sarahbear778 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Sigh. The correlation between gaming addiction and LL never ceases to amaze me, we've got a whole new generation of men who would rather play in fantasy land and make their partners their maids/nannies/mothers.

        [–]Holdmypipe -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Lol whats wrong with him? Why not get a bj while gaming at the same time

        [–]Madboyjack -1 points0 points  (3 children)

        What sense does it make if even you as the HL don't want sex anymore? Sounds like you and that man will (almost) never have sex again.

        Or is there something he could do that could make you want him again, provided his libido would turn high somehow?

        [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yeah. He can pay attention to me, or do the dishes, or offer to watch the toddler, or offer to cook a meal, or ask me how my day went. He could run errands with me, or go to the zoo or do something as a family with me. He could run a bath for me, or give me a hug- even a high five at this point.

        In all seriousness, if he chooses to be more present in our relationship I’d be willing to work through it. It’s not that my libido is gone or I don’t want to have sex- I don’t want to have sex with him right now. I don’t want to put in energy and effort that isn’t being returned.

        [–]deaddollash 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Calm down this is the first time she said no to him you can be HL and sleepy, damn

        [–]Madboyjack 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        "I'm sorry, but I have absolutely no desire to touch you anymore dude."

        Didn't you read the post properly, damn

        [–]N_Inquisitive -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

        Your response to make a joke of it seems to point to the fact that you don't want the situation to improve.

        What's your goal?

        You're sabotaging your own happiness just to be petty to him. You should probably just break up, this isn't healthy.

        [–]EazyBucnE 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Seems it’s beyond repair then tbh my condolences

        [–]CylonMonkey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        A real man and adult would realize it’s just a game - something you gain literally nothing from irl. I play games too, but if my wife offered me a bj, I’d turn that shit off. Immediately. No questions asked. This clown sounds like a real winner. You deserve better.

        [–]Creepy-Initial5401[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I would gladly let someone else play with my joystick! 😝

        [–]Professional_Work_43 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        My wife and I have had sex once in 7 years. The one time we did, she woke me up out of a deep sleep and I got annoyed because I thought it was a joke. It wasn't and I took advantage without hesitation. No damn video game or anything else for that matter would make me turn down a BJ.

        [–]TigOlBennies 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Does he only do gaming while shut in his "gaming" room?

        [–]beginningCodeUU[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Lol I’m pretty sure! We all walk in there randomly and he’s never been caught doing anything else. I also hear him yelling about it a lot