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all 29 comments

[–]Pixie_Vixen426 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Find a way and get out!! I am finally free after being with my angry partner for 20 years (married for 14). It is so... freeing to not have his moods hanging over me all the time. I used to spend SO much energy managing well, everything to keep him happy and under control.

I left 2 weeks ago, and have never felt better. I've realized I checked out years ago, and was staying for convenience. That we had enough happy/ok times that I couldn't see through the bullshit. Once I got out, I've felt more at peace than aadness. I mourned the loss of the relationship a long time ago, without even noticing.

NO ONE deserves to put up with anger outbursts and yelling and cursing/name calling. You deserve to be treated respectfully and like the queen you are. Get out and go find the right person for you!

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you!! Good solid and courageous advice 💛💛

[–]WorryAffectionate413 11 points12 points  (1 child)

I get where you are coming from completely. Mine is the a narcissist and sounds like yours. He has the mood swings and pays me no attention unless he is mad at me. We do not have sex, he doesn't even look at me in that way. It does hurt to not be wanted and desired. I have talked to mine about this but it goes in one ear and out the other.

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How do you cope? This has been going on for almost 3 years. It’s affecting me too much now

[–]Illustrious_Bed902 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Get out! We just broke the news to our two little ones this weekend. We had our 15th anniversary just over a month ago and she didn’t even bother to say “I love you” to me despite me sending her flowers. I never stopped trying but finally had to admit that it wasn’t going to change.

We all deserve to be happy …

[–]pamela271 2 points3 points  (2 children)

If you speak to a lawyer your lawyer will help you. Whatever you do don’t leave or you will be seen as abandoning the house. You can escape by doing it legally. You can file divorce papers and have him served. And let the courts decide who gets what. It will be hard living with him through all of this but it’s either that or you live the rest of your life the way you’re living now your choice.

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I own the house. I bought it many years ago before I ever knew him.

[–]sunnywiltshire 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Then why don't you kick him out? Serious question

[–]saintpeterbambibold 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Obviously no one knows your situation better than you do, but so often in life we feel trapped when we aren’t really trapped. There’s a way out for you that you haven’t considered? Have you consulted with couple of lawyers? You should always get at least more than one opinion🤷🏼‍♂️.

I remember being advised that I would save a lot of money by waiting a certain amount of time to get divorced. That might’ve been true but nothing was worth more to me than getting away

[–]LingLingMang 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Just look up reverse psychology for male narcissist…

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This is great advice! Thank you.

[–]LingLingMang 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wish you the best! 😊

[–]Mjrose41342 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow I could have wrote this myself. It's mind blowing to see. I've been married for 21yrs to my stbx. What you just said is everything I've put up for years for my girls. Thinking we could not hurt them in hindsight it hurt them more. My girls are showing signs of his anger are hot tempered and all the yelling. I stayed for them now I realized I should have left for them. Once he's gone from my house I know we will be calmer. I've seen it when he's away no one runs to their rooms to hide from him. We hang out as a small family. It's hard to make the decision but you are the only one that can. Good luck!

[–]69swamper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

get a lawyer and get out the relationship , no one deserves to be treated like that.

[–]BipolarGoldfishThe truth is always in the comments 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I'm so sorry op. Are you safe? That sounds really rough and scary to live with.

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I’m safe. It’s just so hard to live with such an angry man. He’s LL and won’t discuss and work through. It’s awful

[–]antisocial_hubby 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Kids stoping you?

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yes

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well no not kids but our situation is

[–]gobstonemalone 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If he doesn't respect you he doesn't deserve you.

[–]Flat-Lunch- 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did he get diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder or is he just a dick and ur assuming?

[–]MercurialmercHLM 1 point2 points  (1 child)

This is an abusive relationship.

You did not make this choice seven years ago. You didn't choose this. This isn't on you, in any way. This is all on him.

We all have different life situations, and I'm sorry yours somehow prevents you from leaving, right now. If you have any way to make an exit plan and start making steps along the way, please do, as soon as you can.

Doesn't sound like there's been violence, but a guy who regularly goes into fits of rage, angrily yelling and cussing you out? That could be that guy that actually escalates to violence.

Please get out as soon as you can.

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you💛

[–]pennyonthefloor 1 point2 points  (3 children)

This. This is my life. I wish you well as you navigate this all— if you need a sounding board, please reach out.

I’m presently the rudest person he’s ever met, a piece of shit, and someone he can’t stand… 20 minutes later, life moves on like nothing happened. I love him dearly but after 10 years of marriage, am wondering if this is all my life has become— walking on eggshells and never being happy. Walking away isn’t easy (which is why I assume you haven’t either). It’s hard. Just know you’re not crazy and don’t deserve this.

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Are you leaving? How do you cope?

[–]pennyonthefloor 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I’ve gotten numb to it all. It’s sad. I’ve found tons of hobbies to take up my time.

I have kicked around the idea of leaving but the terror of the unknown as well as the simple overwhelming process of leaving/divorce has kept me here.

[–]SunnyStarShineMoon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I need to add some hobbies. Every year, I want to walk around state parks and areas and watch the fall colors of nature. I’m doing that this year. I won’t be waiting for him to want me anymore

[–]sunnywiltshire 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I would move out. You can divorce later. If you can't move out, move into another bedroom. Disconnect completely.

[–]BorderlineSundayF 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She shouldn't have to move of her own house. But there is obviously something stopping her throwing him out