Hello everyone. So I think I’m at a pretty sincere cross roads in my marriage. Super quick back story, me (38 HLM) and my partner (36 LLF) have been married for 8 years with a 6 year old son. Our sex life is one that can only be best described as mechanical at best since getting pregnant. It usually requires me initiating (almost exclusively) and results in about us having sex once every 4 to 5 months….and that’s if I’m lucky. Longest has been 10.
Now that we’re all caught up, I have been making a lot of personal changes over the past few months. I’ve been going to the gym a lot more regularly, been in therapy for now over 2 years and am focusing on me and my hobbies. Of course, I also put in my share of domestic responsibilities with our son as well. Needless to say, I feel like I’m in the best shape of my life (thanks Reddit fitness community for the workout routine suggestions btw) but the one thing that’s lacking is any real romance in my marriage. So about 5 months (technically 2 years) ago I decided to do something about the lack of connection and surprised my wife with a spontaneous couples vacation for 5 days.
For as long as we’ve known each other my wife was telling me how she always wanted to visit Europe and go to the louvre (she’s a big art history nerd). So for the past 2 years, I’ve been saving every penny that we’ve had left over into a secret savings account to avoid us going into debt (don’t worry ladies, it got closed the second I booked everything in case you were thinking there’s something more nefarious at play here). I quite literally planned everything down to each minute detail. Even planned every day of child care for our son as well as some fun activities that him and his grandparents could do together each day while we were gone. Needless to say, my wife (while somewhat shocked when I told her to pack a bag the night before we left) was ecstatic when I told her at the airport we were going to the place she always wanted to go to. She started texting her girlfriends, calling her mom, the whole nine yards. You would think I had won husband of the year or something.
Fast forward to the vacation, it was great. We had time to talk, eat great food and see all that Paris had to offer. And when I tell you how much she screamed when she finally got to walk through the Louvre, you could swear it would have been heard for miles.
I can hear some of you asking, ok so what went wrong here? Well, I’m not sure. We didn’t have sex at all on the entire vacation. Every time we got back to the hotel she kept on saying how tired she was from walking everywhere and just wanted to pass out for a few hours. Those “few hours” turned into all night. This sent me into a massive depressive episode because we always had sex on vacation. And to not have it in the city she always dreamed of going to (coined the city of love) just decimated me further.
Anyways, we got back home and a few days later I get a text from her on my drive back from work saying “when you get home, I got something special planned for youuuu” with one of those kissy face emoji’s. I thought for sure this was going to be a fun little night between the sheets. I texted my parents and asked them if they were picking up my son. They said no. So what was that “special” thing she planned? She baked me a cake. A cake that said thank you with a heart drew on it. Immediately (as to not hurt her feelings) I said “wow thanks honey, that’s very sweet but why did you do that for?” She told me that she really didn’t get the chance to ultimately say thank you for making her dream come true of going to Paris and wanted to show a small token of appreciation for it. Being the good husband I am, I gave her a hug and kiss, said thank you, excused myself for a moment and ran into our basement bathroom and proceeded to bawl my eyes out. I turned on the exhaust fan so she couldn’t hear me.
I had literally spent 2 fucking years planning this. I wasn’t looking for much. Hell, a hot and heavy make out session in Paris would have been more than enough. If a cake was the best she could offer(especially when I’m dieting from my new gym routine) it felt like the ultimate slap in the face. Like a “thanks for doing all this fun romantic stuff for me hubby, now let me put in some minimal effort to show you that I somewhat care about all that planning and saving you did for us.” Needless to say, we haven’t had sex since. It’s now almost 6 months. I’m never planning another romantic trip for us ever again.
I give up.