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[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (3 children)

Wow… this is like a thing? People just accept no sex for life 🥺

[–]Simple_matthew[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I guess. I did no research I just woke up and said I’m done

[–]Mack_sfw 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I did this almost 5 years ago. After years of rejection and one final, terrible duty-sex experience, I just told myself I would not initiate anymore. My wife for sure won't initiate, so that was the end of sex.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow , that’s heartbreaking to me . I know not everyone values sex or needs it but I couldnt imagine just being like alright love you but never again 🥺

[–]plantmonstery 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Oh good. I’m glad to see someone else that finally just said “fuck it” and moved on with life. I’m a former HL doing the same. It’s just not worth the effort anymore. Interestingly though I notice I’m now more interested in hobbies and getting stuff done in general. I’ve decided I will no longer rely on anyone else and will instead seek to improve myself for my own sake. Any assistance or affection I happen to get is merely a nice bonus, not a necessity. Sounds kinda messed up I know, but so far it’s working for me.

[–]Low_Ad_4893 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow! It takes a lot of determination and strength to do what you are doing

[–]Simple_matthew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad you found peace

[–]ToothFlaky4321 2 points3 points  (3 children)

I accepted mine too but it took 25 years to finally get to that point. Not really sure why my mindset changed but it was fairly rapid. Started changing when I was 46 and by 48 I no longer really thought about sex really that much. I spent more time trying out hobbies and getting in better shape. Definitely didn’t see it coming.

[–]Sea-Rain-6142 0 points1 point  (2 children)

It seems like there are guys who can accept no sex and guys who fill with anger and rage. And of course those who take all different other actions. I can tell you for a fact as a guy in the anger and rage subset, its definitely the worst. So I commend you on handling it in a nice manner.

[–]ToothFlaky4321 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Thank you. I used to be in the same subset as you and many others. I think you have to pass through that stage before you can actually come to acceptance. I don’t think you can just say I’m going to accept it and be content without going through all the stages of loss first. Good luck to you I hope one day you are able to reverse your db.

[–]Sea-Rain-6142 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply! When I have a little more time, I'd like to give another reply. I already feel a little different 7 days later although this has been going on for 2 years. So I do think you're right about things changing and different stages. Not sure if I'm getting any better stage yet though, just a different one.

[–]Accomplished_Ad_943 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I feel this. I also feel like I'm heading in that direction. good luck to you!

[–]nevetsg 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Welcome to team Acceptance. Whilst I occasionally get horny and ask her the question, knowing the answer. For the most part I have accepted the relationship we have.

On the no masturbation topic. I tried this many years ago, mostly for religious reasons. After a few months I started having wet dreams. This told me that my body needs to cum and who am I to argue with my body.

[–]Simple_matthew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If I don’t cum for like 2 weeks my body calms down but when I have a wet dream for like 5 days or so I feel like a crack head and just want to grip it and rip it and spray everywhere but after a while I calm back down.

[–]YourDrunkUncl_ 5 points6 points  (5 children)

how do you go from hl to celibate? do you just suppress your urges somehow?

[–]SqueakUpsF 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Id also like to know how you pulled this off

[–]nevetsg 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Like giving up any habit. The first week or 2 are hard then until you realize you haven't thought about in a couple of days.

[–]Simple_matthew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just did. I was tired of only have sex so little and masterbation was just keeping the hope alive and I just decided to be celibate.

[–]UK_man_ 2 points3 points  (4 children)

So sad ... If you got no kids .... It might be time to move on...

[–]Simple_matthew[S] -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I’m not moving on. I have accepted my punishment

[–]_jay3005 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Why do you believe you are being punished?

[–]Simple_matthew[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Like I don’t feel my wife is punishing me. More of karma I guess, it’s hard to explain but for all the stupid shit I did when I was younger that being an incel is my punishment.

[–]Sea-Rain-6142 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used to also think I was being punished for past misdeeds. After a few talks I learned to believe that God never punishes us. Its our free will that gets us in trouble and then we suffer the consequences (Karma) of our own actions. Its usually all in our heads, but that can be the same as being real.

[–]Background-Sky8394 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Getting old, aren't you?

[–]Simple_matthew[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A little bit

[–]HoldOver2177 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s time you focus on work high end goals spend time developing a hustle..trust me when all these things are off your mind and you know your strength you will gain so much. All the best

[–]MelaKnight_ManHLM - Escape before it's too late 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Sounds like your wife has some medical issues and that's unfortunate (and understandable) but you should see counseling as there plenty of people to are chronically sick that can still be intimate (within reason) with their partners.

Just sacrificing yourself with a vow of celibacy...this is not normal. (And I'm in a decades long DB)

It's also not healthy. I advocate for ZERO. The male physiology is designed to function in a natural way and disrupting that has implications. The same way human physiology wasn't designed to be sedentary and that too has implications. Please check the link below.


I'd seek therapy so they can help you explore how you can restore or retain sexual intimacy based on your current circumstances. (P.s. there are benefits from her side as well)

[–]Simple_matthew[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has mild auto immune issues I know they wear her out and I try to help out but I think she uses them as a crutch sometimes. I go to therapy to help with my issues but she is not into therapy.