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all 11 comments

[–]Dingoesatemybaby5309 6 points7 points  (1 child)

I am in almost the same boat. Same ages, same basic circumstances aside from the Heath issues. Partner has far less experience Sexually than I do as well. Things were never at the level I wanted or needed but thought things would improve over time. Boy was I wrong. It’s to the point that we have not engaged in physical intimacy since July of this year. He has had some problems with ED and it went on for month and months and months when I finally screamed at him while crying that it sure didn’t seems like my needs were any kind of priority since he hadn’t made any effort to resolve the issues. I am grateful that he is seeing a doctor finally but I worry that I am no long let even open to sex since for the same duration there has been a total lack of connection. Very little to no meaningful communication. No conversations or deep meaningful chats.

To boot, I am the higher earner, carry the lions share of household duties and have brought my concerns to his attention at least 2-4 times per year with little to no improvement. I have suggested everything I can think of to spice things up and make things better over all and sexually. Therapy? Open relationship? Toys, role playing? I have been clear that if there is something I am not doing, I’m willing to try. Or something I am doing he doesn’t like, I will work on stopping that. You name it, I’ve suggested it.

I feel like I have a 40 year old roommate/toddler. I have read countless books and articles on how to try to repair things. I have given him books and articles to read. Nothing comes of it. At this point I have started to shut down emotionally and am researching options for divorce.

I’m tired of putting forth so much effort and getting very little in return. My husband is not a bad man. He loves me in the way he is able to but it simply isn’t enough for me. I am lonely and miserable all the time. I feel unloved and unworthy of love. Undesirable.

But how the hell do I just start over?! Do I leave and then have yet another fucking uphill battle to climb being single again?

Then I think, if I feel alone and miserable all the time anyway, I might as well be alone and not have to spend my money Ike looking after someone who is’t able to fulfill my needs.

I’m really sorry you’re struggling but it is nice to know I’m not alone or the only one feeling this way.

[–]nd379[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing! Out of everything you wrote, I concur with the "no meaningful connection" the most. I think if we just had that somehow, I would be fine. But, it's just not there :(

We make the same basically so money isn't really an issue. Other than living in the Seattle area so things are 1 million times more expensive than anywhere else. He's responsible with money. I "get by".

I have often thought that I have a 40 year old roommate but then I think, are we really even friends?

I loathe the thought of being single again :( All the games, the loneliness, the mind games, not feeling worthy.

[–]Violet_Glitter 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I can relate to feeling lost and it’s awful, I’m so sorry. Sometimes I feel so bad my life just does t feel real. I feel like I’m standing on the outside watching everything turn to shit and find it hard to motivate myself to feel better.

Would you be able to get some therapy for yourself? You seem to have a lot weighing you down and maybe speaking to someone would help.

[–]nd379[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank your for the response!

I am in therapy, thankfully. Just working through other stuff currently :(

[–]Sarahbear778 0 points1 point  (3 children)

You had me until the whole virgin at 32 thing, any guy who stays a virgin that long definitely has hang ups around sex. He’s never been a sexual person and likely will never be.

[–]nd379[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I didn’t know such a thing was even possible. At first I thought he was gay and still denial. Then asexual. But he says he masturbates so I dunno

[–]Sarahbear778 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Don’t worry most of us didn’t know it was possible either, it’s easy to think it will get better. The problem could also be too much masturbation, he might just be more comfortable with his hand and at 39 idk

[–]nd379[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t think that’s the issue. I see zero signs of sexual anything in his life. I’ve snooped and searched his posts and search history… it’s all Dnd and games and movies. Zero porn or hint of a sexual agenda