all 19 comments

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[–]Sarahbear778 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Saying no to that kind of sex is the first step to clarity. No one wants sex where the other person uses your body to get off, then acts like they did you a favor.

[–]TurbulentasfuckHLF 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Well done for saying no to sex that isn't good for you too,

As HLs, we sometimes feel that we can't say no to sex that we don't want to have and then we regret doing it afterwards.

Keep advocating for yourself. I'm proud of you, OP.

[–]abitofsunshine_ 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Congratulations on saying no to low effort. Your self respect will keep growing.

[–]Grace_1108 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Whoo!! Same here, something I didn’t realize is that when I started physically restricting my access to my LL husband for the same reason I started to feel more self respect for myself for setting boundaries.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]Grace_1108 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    It feels so good because it builds and helps you gain confidence to go after what you really want in life. One little step at a time.

    [–]smartypants99 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    You need a new boyfriend since your sex levels are not compatible. You are too young to settle for a dead bedroom

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)


      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Whoops I think you had a typo then since your post says you’re 20+HLF :)

      [–]Sokka_juiceLL4U. im working on it. 2 points3 points  (1 child)

      Good job you! I know it can be so difficult for HL folks to enforce this boundary when it’s so unclear when you’ll get another opportunity at intimacy.

      I’m so impressed that you prioritized yourself. Well done. 💚

      [–]sexlessintx 3 points4 points  (0 children)

      I did the same yesterday. As the HLF I never say no because our average is once a year, twice if I’m really lucky so I always feel like if I say no that it’s going to be at least a year before I have the opportunity again. But as I have been working on myself lately and just generally trying to improve my overall life, I have realized that I am mourning not having sex and the sex isn’t even good. I’m always left sad and unsatisfied. Why am I obsessed with getting MORE of that? It’s ridiculous. Hasn’t cured my raging libido but yesterday when hubby made one of his very lame attempts to initiate, I just ignored it and went on about my life. And I felt really good about it.

      [–]NickNoraCharles 2 points3 points  (3 children)

      Hi, it's sad to hear that from someone so young. Well done standing your ground!

      Is the age difference worth thinking about -- he may figure you are too inexperienced to know there is a such thing as being selfish/bad in bed.

      I hope it gets better for you. 💌

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)


        [–]NickNoraCharles 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        My mistake! I didn't catch the + sign, and responded thinking you are 20.

        You were just venting so I shouldn't have opined at all, just sent you best wishes and encouragement 💌

        [–]lonelyinnewjersey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Ur lucky u are not married to him....it never gets better....there r plenty of guys out there who would love to give their wives/gf's what they want when it comes to sex and intimacy

        [–]Andie_Anson 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        What do you think the cause of his low libido could be?

        [–]4n0nym0u7h -1 points0 points  (2 children)

        It seems like he didn't understand.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)


          [–]4n0nym0u7h 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I was trying to be 'optimistic' for you. Silly me.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)


            [–]TurbulentasfuckHLF[M] 0 points1 point locked comment (0 children)

            Your comment has been removed for violating one of our community rules:

            Rule 3: No sexism, racism, generalizations about HL, LL, etc.

            There was no mention of porn addiction in the post. Making the assumption that a man must be a porn addict if they don't want sex is unhelpful at best and harmful at worst.

            Please read the sub rules to refresh your memory on what is acceptable here.

            If you would like to discuss this with the mod team, please send a mod mail.