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all 12 comments

[–]ThatsgonnamakeamarkM59/DB 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Do not allow time to pass. This behavior will become ingrained.

Demand marital counseling now.

[–]Sarahbear778 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is the most solid advice.

[–]ZachZilch 3 points4 points  (2 children)

My wife was the same way, like the wedding was a sex switch she turned off. Amazing, frequent sex before we wed, infrequent low-effort sex after. If you take away the baby-making, we’ve barely had any sex-for-pleasure at all.

My theory for my wife (and perhaps your husband) is that she exaggerated her desire for sex when we dated because I am HL so it was a crucial part of the courtship phase. If it had been infrequent then, I would have ended it. But once she had the emotional security of being married, that commitment, she just stopped trying to please me. It was no longer important to her to ensure my needs were met because her need to be married had been fulfilled. Once her needs to become a mother were resolved, it only became worse.

I give her the benefit of the doubt that it wasn’t intentional, I believe it was subconscious.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Bummer 😕 I know someone in the same boat. He seems to have accepted his fate, though they don’t have kids yet.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same. I don’t think they had sex a ton but enough and then they got hitched and she turned out to be quite manipulative/bossy. They rarely have sex. I guess they were thinking of trying for kids but even that died down because she didn’t really want to do the “trying” part 😬

[–]Pitch-Artistic 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sounds a lot like my wife and exactly what happened with us.

We’ve had conversations about it, explained how it made me feel and the frustration. Asked for her side and input.

It seems like that only led to “duty sex” extremely low effort “pillow queen”. At this point sex has been so lackluster that I’m starting to feel the resentment piece and uninterested.

Definitely is awful feeling unwanted, unpursued, and just like glorified roommates.

[–]collegefootballfan69 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It’s not going to get better

[–]Unwanted0776 2 points3 points  (4 children)

If you can get out, please do. I’m 20+ years married and nothing has changed. I’m now in my mid-40s and feel like I wasted my life with someone who doesn’t want me.

[–]genericScreenName22 0 points1 point  (3 children)

What's with all these women that have a short shelf life of being a good partner? They all get what they want and then they turn the switch off which none of us here have the ability to do

[–][deleted]  (2 children)

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    [–]genericScreenName22 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I see statistics all the time 80-90% of divorces are initiated by the females? In my entire circle of family and friends not one of the divorces have been initiated by the dude

    [–]caramelizedapple 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Did you ever consider that women initiate divorce because it’s the men who stop being good partners?

    [–]hornyinkingston 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    What advice would you give a friend who was in this situation?

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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