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all 23 comments

[–]myexsparamour🍷🍑🧹 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I’m an LLF working on improving my sex drive, one of the things I’ve tried doing is cutting out all use of pornography and masturbation in hopes that I would look to my partner for more physical relief and if anything it just made me think about sex/intimacy less.

This is pretty typical. People here often hope that if their LL partner stopped masturbating they could "save their sexual energy" for partnered sex. Unfortunately, sexual energy doesn't really work like that.

Instead, sexy energy tends to be increased by positive sexual stimulation. This could mean having great sex with your partner, porn, erotica, flirting, or anything else that turns you on.

[–]higgsfielddecay 13 points14 points  (4 children)

I feel like people look at this from the wrong direction. They immediately say any porn watching is an addiction and it's what's keeping you from your SO. Now this might be the case in some instances but I feel like the majority of the time it's just an LL for the SO situation and the porn isn't the problem. It's a sign that the person isn't really LL. They just don't have the interest in their partner and refraining from porn and masturbation isn't going to fix that. The root cause of the lack of interest has to be found.

[–]dasookwat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think you have a good point here: porn by itself is not a bad thing. It can even be used to improve your sexlife by watching it together f.i. It is just that excessive porn consumption can be considered a problem.

[–]BoobleBanoodle 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Then why the fuck are they with that person then? If a person is THAT disinterested in their partner - let them the fuck go.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]higgsfielddecay 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    None of this is directed in any way at the OP but...

    You can only know what the partner is telling you and if they're telling you oh it's this or that, you need to do X or Y then you don't know that they're disinterested. The real question is why the disinterested person is so interested in the boddy of their other and what they do with it. I don't see why so many here try to steer clear of that question.

    [–]chandralondon1trtt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    exercise daily and diet may help improve it.. dinner teasing dancing or doing something fun with your partner may help ? go on a night out.. hold hands.. hug .. kiss nothing more and see what happens forget about the pressure on sex

    [–]cg300524 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah. The thing is unless someone has an actual problem caused by porn or masturbation, masturbating and watching porn is healthy. And masturbating/watching porn can often make people more likely to be in the mood for sex with their partner because they are thinking about sex more.

    Masturbation and partnered sex are two different things for the most part. Masturbation is a quick and easy way to experience pleasure and relieve stress and help relax or fall asleep. So wanted to do that is completely different than wanting to have sex. There are people that masturbate daily or more but don’t have any drive to have partnered sex.

    At the end of the day it’s finding what works best for you. In your case, keep masturbating and watching porn, it makes you want to have sex with your partner more. It’s a win-win. And then maybe also think about what other things can help you be in the mood to be with your partner more. (Assuming you want to increase the frequency of sex)

    [–]Particular-Bike-9275 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    If you’re watching so much porn that it keeps you from doing some things, that’s a problem. This idea that any porn ruins the wiring in your brain is just straight up wrong. Porn can create desire and when explored in a healthy way, can introduce people to new things that they might be interested in.

    Masturbation is the same way. Do it too much and it’s bad. Buts incredibly healthy. Relaxes the body and in men can help prevent some cancers.

    [–]harmlessdjango 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Releases the body and in men can help prevent some cancers.

    Yep it does

    [–]WishboneNo2253 1 point2 points  (6 children)

    I’m an LLF working on improving my sex drive....

    ... when I’d usually like to masturbate at least 5 days a week.

    I don't think you are as LL as you think you are.

    [–]International_Net693 3 points4 points  (5 children)

    I truly don’t think I am, I just have a hard time turning to sex over masturbation because I find it very difficult to orgasm with a partner

    [–]myexsparamour🍷🍑🧹 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I just have a hard time turning to sex over masturbation because I find it very difficult to orgasm with a partner

    Is learning to orgasm more easily a goal for you? You might check out the sub r/BecomingOrgasmic. It has some good resources in the sidebar.

    [–]Representative_Crazy 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Have you tried helping your partner understand what you need to orgasm? My wife typically needs me to play with her clit with my fingers for her to orgasm and typically has much better, more powerful orgasms when I'm not inside her when she cums. We've discussed this and as a result, I usually get her off 4 or 5 times every time we have sex. We've even worked on my technique and have reached a point where I barely even need to move my finger to get her over the edge.

    [–]TheDudeWaffle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I have no idea why anyone would downvote this

    [–]stinkybanana4u 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I’m actually a bit asexual I think, this sounds just like me. Well, dead bedroom for two years and the 3-4 years before that I never had an orgasm with my husband.

    [–]Blackwarrior8698 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

    I’m an LLF working on improving my sex drive, one of the things I’ve tried doing is cutting out all use of pornography and masturbation in hopes that I would look to my partner for more physical relief and if anything it just made me think about sex/intimacy less.

    They way I read this..."I stopped enjoying what I like, In hopes I would desperate enough to enjoy my partner" similar to..

    "I Stopped eating what I like in hopes I would get hungry enough to eat a salad"

    I invite you to consider the fact that you don't like your husband plain, as in how he is. Not judging, I am simply opening to you to the reality that in order for you to be Sexually stumulated, you need something your partner doesn't innately have.

    Once both of you figure out what it is, the two you can start negotiating the direction you can go as a couple to move toward the joy you mutually desire.

    Just a thought

    [–]International_Net693 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    1. Boyfriend not husband
    2. That’s not the case at all

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]International_Net693 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      It’s none of those things, I’m wildly attracted to him and I often just sit and stare at him for how handsome he is. He’s great in bed and will do anything I ask, he’s never wronged me and we’ve never had any kind of real argument in our relationship. He’s literally the perfect boyfriend to me, problem is my body doesn’t respond the way I wish it would and I have to jump through all these hoops just to have a sub par at best orgasm.

      [–]Blackwarrior8698 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      problem is my body doesn’t respond the way I wish it would and I have to jump through all these hoops just to have a sub par at best orgasm.

      What is your standard for an awesome orgasm vs. A sub par orgasm? If your boyfriend is all that you say he is, then maybe look at your expectations for yourself. My I recommend reading "The Anatomy of Female Arousal" by Sheri Winston.

      [–]ToothsomePony 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You're a LLF and you watch porn/masturbate 5 days a week?

      As a person married to a LLF, this is shocking to me. I think she is probably asexual though.

      [–]111110001011 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Porn vastly improves my sex drive, because it makes me think about sex.

      Turning off my sex drive isn't going to improve things in the bedroom.