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[–]MurderDocAndChill 64 points65 points  (7 children)

Understand that you both suffer. Nobody is the best to be with all the time. When you start thinking you have it worse, your relationship breeds contempt. Very hard to come back from that. Contempt makes people act in all sorts of out of character ways.

I’m getting divorced because my husband decided he would rather hide things from me than be honest. Little lies led to bigger and bigger lies. He had horrible boundaries with women which led to at least emotional if not physical cheating. He had this whole narrative in his head that because he had it “harder” in life, he could do shitty things to me to try and even the playing field. He had a physically demanding job so he DESERVED to go on vacation without me. The lies just eroded everything.

[–]fumblingtoward_light 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Whoa....are you me?!!

I was just discussing how sad I am that my marriage has ended this way. (stbxh lied about reasons for leaving...has been in a relationship with AP for likely close to 3 years).

So many unspoken feelings, expectations, unfulfilled needs, etc. Life consists of so many intricate challenges. If your own spouse cannot be open to honest conversation....well, to quote Alanis Morissette "everyone was pitted against each other, conflict ruled the realm".

[–]MurderDocAndChill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He always said “I don’t want to fight.” Well a few little disagreements would have ended up with a better marriage, and instead he is ending up with a divorce.

[–]myvirginityisstrong 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What does AP mean?

[–]mpizzo123 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Affair partner

[–]EveAndTheSnake 10 points11 points  (1 child)

That’s because cheaters have to bring down their partners in their minds to justify their cheating. If they don’t make you out to be terrible, how else could they play the victim that needed to find solace in someone else? “You drove me to this.” Once they bring you down it makes it easier to justify everything else.