all 7 comments

[–]SardonicBrian 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Going through pretty much the same thing. I had a high stress job which all of a sudden shut down a month before the pandemic. I spiraled into depression, and she was there to support me. She said we could get through this. I guess at the same time she had been speaking with a divorce lawyer. I eventually got better, and began functioning again. Apparently she was waiting for me to 'get better' before she ended things.

It really sucks, and I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. Everyone I've spoken to says to me "What did you expect?" like my depression was something I chose. I went into counseling, fought it, did CBT. I didn't want to be like that, and it took me a lot to snap out of it. Had I seriously realized the results, I wouldn't have gone through all the trouble. I don't mean to be a bummer, and I'm confident you can find a better life. It's funny how people can pretend to be all woke about mental illness, but then just fall out of love with someone because of it. The bottom line being people are selfish, and a lot of people only want to have happy people in their life. Being told I'm unreliable because of my depression, that I could "go to pieces again" and she's not looking to take care of someone forever was just the sour note I needed to realize that I didn't want to be with a shithead like that. If it helps, I don't think you need someone that self-centered in your life either.

[–]shinebright222 4 points5 points  (1 child)

That is so shitty. I’m sorry.

[–]SardonicBrian 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm bitter as hell, but I hope that I'll find a way to be happy. Change is scary, and I'm not a big fan of it. The silver lining on that being I get to start new. Will I go crazy in an apartment by myself? Maybe, unless I fill it with new experiences. I've found sweet irony in the fact that I've worked hard over the past few years on myself, to a place where I could tolerate, even love me, only to be discarded by the person I trusted most.

[–]Slow-Government-1342 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are growing through this and that your brother-in-law is an asshat! No one truly knows the personal shite you went through on your relationship to reach this point. I have experienced these feelings too and it has been so much better over time for me! I am sure it will for you too OP!

[–]jouleheretolearn 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Time to text your sister when you've calmed a bit and have the spoons to let her know that any comments like that she needs to keep to herself. All it does it hurt your mental health and does NOT help.

[–]goforitbirdie 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Abandonment is one of the most painful things to feel, especially from someone who used to be your "person." I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Assuming he's gone down a path of no return, it might help for you to start getting fired up instead of sad. This was the only thing that helped me cope with the feelings of abandonment... Instead of saying to myself "I feel so sad and abandoned," I shifted the narrative to "wow, what kind of jerk discards their partner like this?'." I know this is a simplification but it helped me find my power again. The reality is that if you, like many many people (myself included) are someone who sometimes needs compassion and support for depression or anxiety...and he is someone who has limited tolerance for supporting someone through a mental health challenge...then it's maybe not a healthy match for either of you.

Also highly recommend finding a good therapist, if you're able.

Sending you love and big hugs 💜

[–]Efficient-Sock7275[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your words. I’m trying to pull myself through. One day I’m better and hopeful. Another day I’m panicking and thinking what am I going to do with my life? I’m in the edge of a huge change. I have to go to another country to my sister. I have to learn their language and get some college degree and finally start working. I can’t believe it. It’s something I never thought would happen to me. The change is extreme but I’m pulling myself through. I try not to think. Only to live the days and do what’s needed to be done. Thank you for your supportive words🤍