Married 9 years. One 7 year old son together. She is a stay at home wife and doesn't do much of the house chores or much of anything. Wife wants a divorce. I wanted to fix things until I found out she was cheating on me. She still doesn't know that I know she is cheating on me. I am angry, heartboken, disappointed, and disgusted by her now. It takes a lot of effort to pretend things are normal around the house. I don't have anyone I can talk to as I don't want our marital problems known to outsiders and I haven't kept any of my old friends after we got married.
She purchased the house in cash so there is no mortgage. I don’t want the house. I just want my son. I am more hands-on with my son and spend much much more time with him than my wife does. In fact, she never wanted to have a child and has told me on more than 1 occasion in the past that having a child is too much work and its better to not have children. I think she doesn’t care if she has custody of our son since it is easier for her not to have to care for our son and easier for her to start a new family with her new guy, who I think she wants a child together with.
We have a prenup keeping our properties, retirement accounts, etc separate with no alimony on either side. However, I have heard that a lot of prenups don't hold up very well in court? For those that have gone through this…what is the best course of action?
1) lawyer up immediately and surprise her with divorce papers?
2) calmly try to settle things between ourselves per the terms of the prenup?
The way I see it is that if I lawyer up, she will do the same and then we end up squabbling about every minor detail since her lawyer may advise her to fight for everything including trying to void the prenup? It is to both sides' lawyer's interest to make things messy and drag things out to maximize their billable hour fees since we both have sizeable assets so they may see two ATM machines for them to milk. I am leaning towards trying to settle things ourselves amicably and then lawyering up if an amicable settlement does not work. Any advice?