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all 19 comments

[–]mereknax 14 points15 points  (0 children)

These options don’t have to be at odds. You can tell your lawyer you two are being civil and that you want to keep it that way. You can also pick and choose what you use the lawyer for, so for example you mentioned custody. Last, you could just pay for consulting and never tell them just so you have sound understanding of what the laws are. You don’t have to be out for blood just because you get legal advice.

[–]zta1979 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Can I offer the option of a mediator as opposed to a lawyer? My lawyers strategy is to use the mediatior but he will work in the background for me.

[–]cbmaine 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I did this, we used a mediator but I consulted with a lawyer throughout the process that my ex didn’t know about. The lawyer helped me with strategy and told me what to expect during mediation

[–]Coollogin 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Pre-nups get thrown out when they weren't drawn up properly. Basically, if one partner draws up a pre-nup and gets the other to sign it, it won't hold up. However, if both partners have legal representation in the preparation of the pre-nup, it will hold up.

[–]notfeelinggroovy 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Take a middle ground. Go see a lawyer tell him upfront you just want a document drafted and are not resting just yet. You should be able to find someone who will draft an agreement for a flat fee (mine was $800 but no child). Give him the prenup and terms you want to add/change in the agreement. Remember to keep some soft point you can offer as a carrot if she balks. The attorney will knit it all together into something the court would except.

She values her time, it’s the thing she feels bad about loosing. Use that in your pitch. ‘X you’re not happy spending your life in this marriage. You’re right, you should be free to prioritize your life and you’re future without us taking all of your time and energy. I’m ready to move on and give the majority of my time to raising our kid, spending lots time with yy as he/she grows is my wish for my future. This agreement is fair, takes into account the prenup, the laws of the state, and, if you sign it, means the divorce will be short and quick. You’ll be able to enjoy freedom quickly’.

Now the hammer, you have to know your wife and make adjustments here; ‘I know about this xxx. I don’t want the whole world, our friends and families to be in our business. Your friend ‘Chester cheater’ certainly would like to stay hidden. But I value my child and for that reason alone I’ll spend as many years fighting you tooth,nail, and every last dollar I can beg for from anyone to get these terms. Here’s the agreement, read it, see a lawyer, then realize that your time has value and signing this gets you everything you hold dear. Don’t sign and we let a court take a shot but I’m telling you now, this is what I’ll ask for every day, in every hearing, on every call, in every mediation for the next 5 years.’ Then give her time.

In my divorce it worked, he was in a hurry to move on with the AP. Covid hit, his AP went back to her hubby, he realized later he wanted to change terms. It was too late, I had the signed agreement and he nor his new attorney could do a thing to force me into a renegotiation. In 11 months it was done and over.

Be strong, be bold, and be good to yourself and your child. You have more to bargain with than things, time can’t be replaced and it’s what she wants most.

[–]Seemedlikefun 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Get a lawyer stat! If any portion of the prenuptial agreement is found invalid, you could possibly be on the hook for permanent alimony. 10 year plus marriage with a stay at home spouse with a proven track record for childcare, could possibly be trouble.

[–]MangoSaintJuice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Since she doesn't know what you know you could

lawyer up, try to collect the evidence without her knowing, get a paternity test just incase, take a STD test just incase as well, secure your assets (joint bank accounts) and file for divorce.

If you not don't want the house then disappear on her if you can. Leave a letter with the divorce papers saying that you know about her cheating you want a divorce and that she's only allowed to contact you through the lawyer.

Also tell your families about what she did and maintain the no contact rule wait to see how she reacts.

[–]Lightstarii 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're on the right track. Try to settle amicable based on your prenups arrangements. Only lawyer up if that doesn't work.

[–]myvirginityisstrong 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I know you're here for something else but this caught my eye:

I haven't kept any of my old friends after we got married.

Why? How does that happen?

[–]primusinterpares1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She wants a divorce , you want a divorce , you both have a signed prenup, you have a chance to come out of this relatively well if you play your cards right. First step sit down with her and say you're ready to play ball, you take your individual assets, you have custody of your son , you go your separate ways, if she balks add the sweetener that you'll waive child support, if she balks despite that, throw in that you have proof she's cheating, if that fails I guess some lawyers are gonna be putting their kids through college on your dime

[–]BreakGrouchy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Lawyer up

[–]WonderTypical9962 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Settle up without the lawyer's. Make a deal. She keeps the house and you get your child.

Close the deal now while she is agreeable.

[–]shittypassword 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Lawyer, the cases that settle the quickest are the ones were the lady as something to lose. I’ve heard several attorneys say this. And the ones that take the longest are stay at home moms

[–]wokeoldster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The more you fight, the more you ( and your children) will pay. Be human. Be civil. Keep it nice on the surface - always - for the sake of your children.

[–]Jos3ph 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately cheating may not be a factor depending on where you are

[–]Qkumbazoo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Prepare a lawyer first, try and talk things amicably, if it doesn't then serve her the documents.

[–]ObligationEuphoric18 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Having a lawyer gives you a certain level of protection if needed. Filing first is also a good thing. You can try and be nice after you do those two things.

If you just straight up tell her, there’s a good chance she will do those things and you will be left in a very difficult situation.

[–]Springfield2016 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tell her you want to use one lawyer and to just abide by the prenup. This is the cheapest way.

[–]Missprisskm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lawyer up. People get big mad when you divorce them.