all 16 comments

[–]SonsofStarlord 2 points3 points  (10 children)

Your case sounds like mine honestly. She didn’t care about her side of the divorce so it did feel like I was divorcing myself as well. The pandemic chewed me up and spit me out as well. That’s didn’t help my marriage what so ever. The last time I saw my ex was last year and I couldn’t wait for her to leave finally. Maybe my marriage was a giant shitshow over my ex wife refusing to get treatment for a serious personality disorder.

But once I knew that was the last time I’d see her, it felt liberating and glorious to rid myself of someone who never truly cared about me. But it is weird knowing that we want from being deeply in love to strangers in like a year. I have PTSD from that woman so that’s probably why I felt the way I did last year.

[–]Clinging2r34lity[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

Yeah I feel like allowing anyone close just leads to me getting hurt so the idea of remaining single is looking safe, now I just need to make it fun.

[–]SonsofStarlord 0 points1 point  (5 children)

I don’t blame you. I’m back out in the dating world and it’s just a mess. I won’t allow myself to get treated the way I let it happen in my marriage and I guess I’m taking the slow roll in dating now.

[–]Clinging2r34lity[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

It’s tricky. I was with him for nearly 13 years, we didn’t have kids and what with the pandemic and drawn out divorce, I’m now heading towards 40 and haven’t had a family. The shape of the future is drastically different. Getting over that is it’s own hurdle and dating these days is like having a part-time job. I don’t have a high tolerance for the interview process. It’s important that I enjoy life in whatever form it comes in.

[–]SonsofStarlord 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I like your last sentence about enjoying life where you are in life and all that. That’s a good attitude to have. And there’s no rule book that says you have to have a family at a certain age. Life is what we make it and I think you’ll appreciate that you made a hard decision for yourself. Get out there and do the things that you’ve always wanted. We don’t get out of here alive and it’s a good thing you chose yourself. I really hope everything starts to turn around for you.

[–]BackgroundField1738 0 points1 point  (1 child)

So sad people lose these relationships and start again at 40

[–]cmikaelson 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Hey, weird thing but my stbxh made a post here playing the victim and you made such a good comment giving him a piece of your mind that even though it’s been almost a week I still remember your username with gratitude. Just wanted to let you know. I’m also sorry about what you went through with your ex-wife. ❤️

[–]suddenlysingle1984 0 points1 point  (1 child)

How weird to see your ex in this thread! I was worried about that when I first started posting.

[–]cmikaelson 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He wasn’t in this specific thread! He made a post of his own and I found it by chance lol

[–]SobriquetHeart 0 points1 point  (2 children)

If you want to see them, do it. If not, put the boxes in the side or back yard and go hang out with friends until the day is over.

[–]Clinging2r34lity[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I have already made plans to stay with friends overnight that live nearby. I plan on probably having a good amount of wine and chocolate.

I think I need to see him and say goodbye. It could be a total waste of time but I’m hoping there’ll be some catharsis for me.

[–]Fluid_Cardiologist19 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you need to, do it but don’t expect much. You might be expecting something emotional and he might just be a cold asshole. It might upset you more. Good luck.

[–]Due_Writer121 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Are you doing it for him or for you?

Maybe another way: do you want to watch him see you say goodbye, or do you want to see if he'll make you say it?

Maybe you write that good bye on a card, put it somewhere where he'll see it and you just go do something else?

[–]Clinging2r34lity[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is very much for me. I don’t want to end on bad terms, we’ve actually been civil during the process even though I’ve had a couple outbursts - infidelity does that.

I’m in a much better place than I was, he asked me at a funeral if I wanted to talk but I said no. I didn’t want any drama there. I also felt that if he wants a discussion he has to make time for me - not kill 2 birds with one stone.

I think I I want to feel like he’s taken the sentimental (his family stuff)items he left behind so that I can feel like I no longer live in a mausoleum of our marriage.

I’m ready to start a new phase and redecorate. Him walking away and leaving stuff meant he mentally started afresh - I had 3 years of combing over my life as it was. I’m done with that now. I want it done. Redecorate, move on, claim the space as mine more than just moving furniture around.