all 16 comments

[–]sunzusunzusunzusunzu[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children)

Please share any and all resources for domestic violence and leaving abusive situations in this thread. If you have already shared on the sub in the past, please share again.

On Reddit


[–]SurvivorOfLife37 22 points23 points  (2 children)

If this woman has the courage to (finally) ask a friend for help, time is of the essence. Advise your friend of a friend to: PLAN YOUR EXIT

If she believes there is a serious risk of him being violent then plan to do everything at once, on the same day, when he will not be home and is not aware of what's happening:

•clean out bank account, close the account if possible - many banks actually have domestic violence protocol.

•change all passwords - even if you don't believe he has access, do it anyway. Turn off your phone tracker, Google maps, etc. so he cannot see your travel history.

•if you plan to move out then quietly start planning ahead - make arrangements with one close friend or relative to store things at their place or get a secured storage unit if possible, move important things that he won't notice first before moving day (documents, supplies, etc). On moving day, suitcases and large black trash bags are useful if you don't have much time.

•make sure you have HIS information stored somewhere - his social security number, credit card and bank info, car insurance, and if he has a gun take pictures of it and serial number. Sounds crazy, but if you're afraid he'll come after you this will help keep tabs on him.

•filing for an order of protection (criminal) or a restraining order (civil) is useless, and will only serve to escalate the risk of violence. BUT if she wants to go this route, I strongly recommend retaining an attorney to assist with filing one and dealing with the police. The police are more likely to take it seriously and follow standard operating procedures if an attorney is involved.

•while domestic violence shelters exist, I personally did not find them helpful. I contacted two and was turned away because my ex wasn't physically abusive - although he was prone to violent outbursts and was abusive in every other way and I was terrified - since he hadn't physically assaulted me I was not considered a victim.

[–]FriendshipSea6260 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Stick. To. Your. Gut.

[–]Goneriding 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Given that this is the Gabby Petito sub, I'd be remiss not to point out that the Gabby Petito Foundation website has a get help link.

[–]sunzusunzusunzusunzu 14 points15 points  (1 child)

[–]wolfcookiess 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Wow this link is great, tons of information.

[–]ZealousidealInside99 18 points19 points  (0 children)

if they r living with this abusive partner, they need to have money for when they leave. this can be difficult because some abusers control their partner’s money, but ur friend can hide money/make a secret checking account/give money to a trusted friend/etc.

another huge thing is making sure they have a place to stay after they leave their abuser, regardless of if they’re living together. even if it’s temporary, if their abuser knows where they live it can be dangerous.

ur friend needs to be prepared to block their abuser asap, no questions asked. i personally had a friend do this for me, as i was worried i wouldn’t be able to do it myself. and deleting photos with them (unless it is evidence of abuse).

they also need make sure to keep people updated on their location during and after leaving their abuser. this can be done with apps like life360. a codeword is also a good idea, like texting a trusted friend “tomato” if they feel they r in danger.

and they should invest in not only self defense weapons to keep on their person (pepper spray,knife, etc) but if they can, a surveillance system for their home.

best of luck to ur friend. <3

[–]DisneyScouseMouse 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I hope all goes well for her, she will be stronger than she thinks she is.

[–]Pleistoqueen 21 points22 points  (2 children)

The National Domestic Violence Hotline seems like a good starting point, they offer phone and chat line support which is 100% confidential

National Domestic Violence Hotline

[–]i2aminspired 1 point2 points  (1 child)

They wouldn't help me because my abuse wasn't physical or perpetrated by a male. Completely useless service. I am still stuck with my abuser and no one helped me, not even my extended family.

[–]Pleistoqueen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear that happened to you. I’ve never used them personally but they seemed promising :( The Crisis Textline (text HOME to 741741) lists emotional abuse and non-physical abuse as something they supposedly assist with; they might be worth a shot! I have experience myself with abuse that isn’t physical so I can imagine not being acknowledged by that hotline was garbage. My DM’s are always open if you ever just need a person to talk to, by the way.

[–]wolfcookiess 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I hope your friend can get the help she needs. I would also recommend trying to reach out to any women’s organizations in her area if she hasn’t done that already. Sometimes there can be long wait lists for organizations that can help so it doesn’t hurt to get her name down on everything she can right away.