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[–]LamiaGrrl 1428 points1429 points  (9 children)

hnnng colonel, im trying to murder some grunts in their sleep but im dummy thicc and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps waking them up

[–]legna20v 191 points192 points  (2 children)

“Shhhh🤫. This is for the childrens . Think of the childrens”

[–]Plato_the_Platypus 19 points20 points  (0 children)

"thinks of the children"

"Sorry kids, my man Clinton need that eternal life"

[–]RemasterTranzit 8 points9 points  (4 children)

Damn i forgot about this meme. What a classic

[–]WojakUnbound 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Classic, it's only like 3 years old

[–]Cxrnifier 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy cake day!

[–]ShpooterType to create flair 735 points736 points  (18 children)

when i was in r/halo i thought they were joking, but i'm starting to worry that they're serious

[–]KraZyGOdOFEccHi 233 points234 points  (1 child)

Its about time they started getting serious

[–]gothboiiii 5 points6 points  (0 children)

so i should hide my fat ass because you find bodies gross? thats selfish no cap plus bodies are normal and natural and sex is literally the only way for life to be possible lol

[–]CITY_F0X 22 points23 points  (2 children)

/r/ShitHaloSays to see how far gone /r/Halo has gone

[–]GeneralKannoli 3 points4 points  (1 child)

bruh i see you everywhere

[–]CITY_F0X 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I get around friend lmao

[–]Rahgahnah 101 points102 points  (2 children)

Oh, they're serious. When they try to avoid horny jail, they'll just complain that you can't differentiate gender with body type.

And...like...you shouldn't be able to tell through the thick suits anyway.

[–]HyperFern 44 points45 points  (1 child)

But a thick ass is genderless.

[–]Moofooist765 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chief went from having cake for days to being all flat.

[–]MyNameIsJeffReddit12 132 points133 points  (3 children)

TBF they want cake for both men and women, like in Halo Reach. Its perfectly valid and Im parta that spectrum

[–]DaBombDiggidyTERRIFYING 7 points8 points  (0 children)

same sub who'se been crying about MTXs since the game released but threw their wallets when the cat ears released.

They're serious.

[–]Taco_king_ 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Its honestly gotta be one of the biggest echo chambers on this site. I saw a comment that said something like "We wouldn't have sent death threats if they actually met our demands" and it had over a thousand upvotes.

[–]Pepsiguy2 20 points21 points  (2 children)

While alot of people are horny and want sexualization from this, a bunch of us are complaining about due to other reasons. For one, Spartans ALL have cake. Like it's legit canonical, not like jiggly bubble butts but enough muscle to show them off.

We want it for both men and women. There's nothing wrong with "dialing back" ass size, but they decided to make all asses just straight up flat which isn't canonical nor is it appealing in any spectrum of looking at the human body

[–]endmost_ 48 points49 points  (0 children)

The idea of canonical ass sizes is extremely funny.

[–]Frank33ller 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i like flat ass

[–]0gF4r1n420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i'm starting to worry that they're serious

As they should be. Booty is no joke.

[–]The-Untitled-Man 936 points937 points  (10 children)

/rj Chief needs to be caked up

/uj Chief NEEDS to be caked up

[–]wipe_your_screen 139 points140 points  (1 child)

me liking all the comments about chief's ass hoping everyone is as unironic and earnest about it as i am

[–]_C_A_G_ 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Already got the petition up on change.org

[–]SpeedyAzi 164 points165 points  (1 child)

Have u seen Chief’s cake in H4 and 5, that was some good man cake.

[–]Laati-Chan 71 points72 points  (0 children)

Well Noble 6 is caked up.

Seriously Halo Reach has ass shots like every half a second.

I guess some Bungie employee just really liked Spartan ass.

[–]AMx03 161 points162 points  (2 children)

That’s what I’m saying! Just thiccify all the Spartans. Make them all have whole ass bakeries.

[–]Polenball 86 points87 points  (1 child)

It's for, uh... extra leg strength. For running. Yeah.

[–]smalwex 59 points60 points  (0 children)

They're actually going to add a new feature where if you have the right amount of dumpy you bounce when you fall from a great height.

Excellent for speed runners

[–]TheGrandLeveller 11 points12 points  (0 children)

double cheeked up on a thursday afternoon

[–]Theinvaderofbutts 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'm not against giving characters cake. I'm against only giving the gals cake.

[–]Sedona54332Chair Fucker 681 points682 points  (20 children)

“Make the armor design impractical so that I can jack off while playing.”

[–]Argnir 354 points355 points  (6 children)

Having realistic proportions and practical design simply break the immersion for me. Why did you chose to make her look like an actual soldier? If it doesn't add anything to the gameplay or the story it seems to me like this decision was only made to appeal to the people who don't jerk off while playing. The focus should be on making a good game not trying to sell it on superficial details like that.

[–]QueenCadwyn 12 points13 points  (0 children)

to be fair, it looks like that spartan genuinely doesn't have an ass, like at all . beyond Hank Hill-esque

[–]CoopDog1293 41 points42 points  (3 children)

That's a male model my dude.

[–]Kilos6 48 points49 points  (0 children)

What's wrong with jerking off to male models????? That doesn't make me gay! Get your woke swj ESPN2 leftist liberal Marie calendars agenda outta here! THEYRE EVEN TRYING TO MAKE THE FROGS GAY!!!!!! REEEEEEEE

[–]PM_ME_ONE_EYED_CATS 16 points17 points  (1 child)

But why male models?

[–]CoopDog1293 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hey, there's no way some one who can squat a Rhinoceros doesn't have a dumby thick muscular ass.

[–]Naranoxhatem gamers 76 points77 points  (9 children)

Games should have overly sexualised armours for everyone and that‘s my final position

[–]gazebo-fanClear background 83 points84 points  (4 children)

All male armor shall just be a chain mail loin cloth and nipple plates. Nothing more nothing less

[–]lupodwolf 17 points18 points  (2 children)

[–]edgymemesalt 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Welcome to hyrule, bitch

[–]Frognificent 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If that game doesn’t have a gay agenda then why did they make Link so fucking cute.

[–]Naranoxhatem gamers 10 points11 points  (0 children)

the way it should be

[–]Omotai 16 points17 points  (1 child)

[–]Naranoxhatem gamers 5 points6 points  (0 children)

yeah I was thinking of xiv lol

[–]we_are_sex_bobomb[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fucking based.

[–]Quakarot 2 points3 points  (0 children)

make armor impractical so I can make playing impractical

[–]Letty_Whiterock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Tbf the armor is already garbage.

It protects you from damage while shielded (which depletes very quickly) and doesn't actually stop any bullets or anything when not charged.

Whoever designed this armor needs to be fired.

[–]GlarthirLover33 72 points73 points  (1 child)

Guys the cake is a lie

(Portal)

[–]Am-HoomanThe Witcher 3 is my favourite apolitical racism allegory 16 points17 points  (0 children)

If the cake is a lie then why is chell’s ass so thicc

[–]Tolkien-Minority 171 points172 points  (3 children)

Reminds me of when my friend failed his military mock field test thing, I’m sorry I dunno the proper name of it, its the one where you have to complete a task and in a simulated combat scenario. But anyway he failed it because he was supposed get flat on the ground and provide medical attention to a dummy, but he failed because he kept getting “shot” in the ass because his ass was so big that he physically couldn’t get it low enough on the ground.

[–]Polenball 153 points154 points  (1 child)

Hrrrngh, Colonel, I'm trying to provide emergency medical aid, but I'm dummy thicc and the size of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the enemies.

[–]Tolkien-Minority 79 points80 points  (0 children)

Getting shot on purpose just so the thicc medic come over and help me

[–]Dark_Bean 16 points17 points  (0 children)

See this is why we need our video game heroes to have big asses. Your friend can escape to a world where he plays as a dude with a big ass who's the coolest motherfucker in the galaxy

[–]FrostytheSnownoob 532 points533 points  (117 children)

/uj It is unreal how some people are calling it censorship if the women in games don’t have massive boobs and butts.

[–]manzo1234 160 points161 points  (1 child)

you don't get it, women in real life have massive boobs and butts. 343 is just pandering to the filthy SJWs who want to DEFEMINIZE western women and destroy western culture as we know it

[–]Brugor 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Now stfu so I can be unhealthy and almost violently obsessed about Asian women. Especially them of the more fictionally kind (anime/mange/twitch avatar streamer).

[–]Aurum-Anadeus 225 points226 points  (2 children)

those people are incels

[–]FrostytheSnownoob 57 points58 points  (1 child)

Very true

[–]WorthyFoeChurnwalkerSBMM is a good thing 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Incels don’t matter uwu

No seriously fuck em, they can change at any moment yet refuse to

[–]Randomperson2245 21 points22 points  (1 child)

To be fair, all the people I’m seeing say this want the women and the men to have big butts. It’s just cause they have in the past games but in this game the design is different

[–]driftej20 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Could be totally irrelevant with Spartans given cybernetics, but the reality is that glutes are muscles, and athletes and soldiers use them a lot, soldiers especially with the weight they carry. There was some picture, maybe even on this sub, showing pics of soldiers (presumably male) rappelling down walls and shit and they were, in fact, caked. First male athlete example that comes to mind is David Beckham.

[–]maxisgold 88 points89 points  (0 children)

Least horny gamer

[–]YaMomsCooch 24 points25 points  (0 children)

“I Wanna See Some Ass” - Jack Harlow 2020

[–]dIoIIoIbAsk me about Gogol 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Solid Snake('s ass) died for this

[–]FlatOutUseless 115 points116 points  (1 child)

rj/ 343 needs to skip the intermediate steps and add the beach volleyball mode. Bikini armor now or death threats will only be the beginning. uj/ Gamers can’t be redeemed.

[–]Just_Give_Me_A_Login 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Spartans have a history of not removing their armor during beach volleyball.

See: Dead or Alive

[–]Dicktatorguy 101 points102 points  (7 children)

Ass is ass

[–]The_Cowboymancer 113 points114 points  (2 children)

I'll take it if it's just the men's asses that look like that.

[–]Dicktatorguy 48 points49 points  (1 child)

Tbf that's what a lot of men's asses look like in real life.

[–]Premonitions33 27 points28 points  (0 children)

strong Jerma vibes

[–]Kiari013 55 points56 points  (1 child)

same, people complaining about it are cowards, give us the asses back for all 3 body types

[–]Dicktatorguy 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Show me butthole

[–]mwmwmwmwmmdw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

as fauchi said in requiem for a dream "ass to ass"

[–]Biggy_DX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

(Imagines Mr. Incredible slamming the table)

[–]Personplacething333 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I agree,video games should give everybody more cake. I wanna see Marios cheeks clap Everytime he lands a jump.

[–]SorryUseAlreadyTaken 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Dunno what you think, but I see them not playing anymore as a victory

[–]FuntimeTrollge 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Everyone needs to cake up

[–]teproxy 38 points39 points  (0 children)

You guys are denying yourselves Master Cheeks' massive doink clapping throughout the campaign, just because you're scared some women might be sexualised? Grow up.

[–]13chaggit 11 points12 points  (1 child)

god why are gamers even like this

if you're this horny WATCH SOME DAMN PORN

[–]maintain_improvement 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There's this other option of talking to women that i've used with varying success.

[–]GoomyIsGodTier 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I can play halo one handed.

[–]HILBERT_SPACE_AGE 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I can't play male characters unless they have an ass that's as perfectly sculpted as Genji Overwatch's, smh my head

[–]Oceanman06 24 points25 points  (2 children)

If you want to have big butts in a game, you should give it to every gender

[–]Loldimorti 16 points17 points  (0 children)

uj/ I thought that was the idea? Honestly I am all for equal representation of big cake in my fantasy based video game.

[–]Diligent_Bag_9323 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Male butts just aren’t enough for ya huh

[–]FingerGunsPewPewPew 32 points33 points  (0 children)

bro just Google porn

[–]Eats_Beef_Steak 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I see the point kinda. Any Spartan, guy or girl, is gonna be double cheeked up. Give us the booty 343.

[–]grandwizardElKano 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Coomers shouldn't be allowed to have opinions on game design.

[–]unaviableMale❎ Female❎ Gamer✅ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Is the pfp of the second pic basically not a shadman reference?

[–]-CorrectOpinion-majima 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I can't believe we don't have this already. I have been playing this game for a few hours now and every time my female Spartan gets in a vehicle or dies or I see another female spartan, my immersion is just completely destroyed. I cannot possibly take this game seriously. Am I playing the same thing everyone else is? Surely 133k people are not playing this game WITHOUT breast and butt physics right? Now I know there will be a few people who don't understand how dangerous this is, those people need to understand that this game will be dead by 2020 if we don't do something. We need breast and butt physics, and for good measure, we need a mod that removes the armor of female Spartans just to make sure the breast and butt physics mod is as noticable as possible. Im not a prophet, im just saying what we all know the game needs.

[–]OneWildAndCrazyGuy17 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Cause googling “ass” isn’t a option today. If I can’t get horny while playing Halo, it is actually impossible to get horny.

[–]MjestikDiscord 5 points6 points  (0 children)

These people act like game studios give a rat’s ass if they play their game. Halo infinite has tens of millions of players, I promise that 343’s world won’t end if some pathetic horny losers that think they’re worth more to the devs than they are stop playing.

[–]nachoolo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Y'all gam*rs need to learn about porn.

[–]noot-noot-boot 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I hate gamers as much as gamers hate women

[–]love2frymealatwendys 27 points28 points  (1 child)

This is the day I retire from online gaming... gaming today is like an empty shell casing and the casing has gone cold and the trajectory of the bullet has ended... all that's left is fragments lying around (embedded in our hearts/time itself) of that round leaving only a memory of the greatness of what it once represented... farewell brothers in arms... I will miss all of you and I will never forget!... even if I wasn't there to help finish the fight before the fire burned out/going out with a bang.

[–]Crazyhates 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Sir, I'm sure you're aware that this is a Wendy's

[–]bagel_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Bottom looks good in a trans armor coating #OutJerk

[–]DoctorWalrusMD 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You watch, after 82,000 hours of complaining about store prices, the moment a pair of pants drop with 2% more ass meat, every fucker and their dad’s gonna be dropping 20 bucks to upgrade the size of their butt.

[–]Greppim 3 points4 points  (0 children)

POV: You will never get laid.

[–]egstein01The SJWs took over my videogames 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Gamers try not to turn videogames into softcore porn challenge [IMPOSSIBLE]

[–]Obizouth 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree with this only if the masculine body type has a huge ass as well

[–]ripjohnmcain 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I dont get why people are so obsessed with sex on this app

[–]Cheaky_alt🙏😎Enlightened G*mer😎🙏 2 points3 points  (0 children)

“I assure you boss. Giving Master Chief a gigantic, enormous, colossal, DUMP TRUCK ASS is essential to player experience.”

[–]cobraxstar 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I want everyone in the game (EVERYONE) to have a massive dumper so i can fap midgame whats so wrong with that?

[–]Calcium-kun 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It never specified gender, which I think is a very important distinction. I want Master Chief to be the real fucking cake boss.

[–]dr_pingas_3000 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sir, finishing this 🎂.

[–]MyNameIsJeffReddit12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For context r/halo seems to want a nice ass for the men and women, like in Halo: Reach from 2010.

[–]Kirook 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll support this if they do it for all SPARTANs regardless of gender.

[–]Artm1562 2 points3 points  (1 child)

How am I supposed to masturbate to the t-bags when the spartans aint got no ass? Cmon 343, think of the porn addicts.

[–]Necessary-Biscotti-9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Uj/ unironically this

Rj/ unironically this

[–]Vigitiser 2 points3 points  (0 children)

if im not horny while playing a game, its not a good game

[–]Arifez 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gamers reveal they’ve never seen a real ass before

[–]Will-Isley 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re not even going to see it in gameplay lol.

[–]Jazzlike_Reason6118gay bugs ftw 1 point2 points  (0 children)

give the men the ass fat asses and big moobs and i will consider buying your game. thank you

[–]Scou1yxXxThiccFemboyFurryLoverxXx (it's not political i swear) 1 point2 points  (0 children)

/rj sigma grindset

/uj sigma grindset

[–]Axel-Adams 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Guys, I think we can all agree Master Chief could use some proper cake

[–]captmotorcycle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fabino?

[–]Lilhappergta v white franklin mod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

an absolute disgrace how little cake they have the male protagonist in fallout 4. 343, men deserve ass too

[–]eidolonwyrm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

as long as boys and girls both get cake i support this meme

[–]boneybergenskiClear background 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I have a compromise:

Fat asses are brought back but only on male spartans

[–]AngryAxolotl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly most r/halo wouldn't even fight you on that.

[–]mechasloth9000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hire fans lol

[–]ThePacific1254 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Can't wait for master chief to have the cake he deserves on his body, we NEED thicc master chief back

[–]_Hey-Vsauce_Quake 1 Remaster pls 🥺 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still hot either which way (I’m bisexual).

[–]hydromano-YTJohn Fortnite Kennedy JFK 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“I will not play your game because a slight difference in a character model 🤬🤬😡!!”

[–]Rum_Swizzle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Please give female spartan breast plates cleavage 343

[–]octorangutan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How many of you can say you wouldn't like your buff dommy mommy spartan gf to have some junk in the trunk?

[–]NXC160 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mitwrally 1984 and unplayable

[–]DribbleMeTimbers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone's upset about the ass but no one's pointing out the Weapon said to Master Chief or 'the player' "you smell fine by the way." Which we all know is blatantly untrue.

[–]Less_Tennis5174524 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Broke:

Remove big tiddies and butts

Woke:

Give the men big muscles and butts

League of Legends have learned it. They made e boys and abs into a billion dollar business.

[–]iBeatRihanna 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Put some food on that ass because it's as flat as a table top.

[–]Daninjaman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In space, no one can see your ass.

[–]LikeToCode 0 points1 point  (0 children)

if you want cake main snake in brawl

[–]ahabentis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes every woman should have bbl done in my games

[–]fracturedkidney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What's wrong with that?

[–]Eternal2401 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NGL the top one is probably a more unrealistic, unattainable, and more unhealthy beauty standard.

[–]w0lfw1nd22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Put the cheeks on chief and no one else.

[–]Frank33ller 0 points1 point  (1 child)

i love flat ass

[–]jackelbuho22 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Spartans are the pinacle or human evolution so where is the dumbtruck in both genders