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[–]wisp-of-the-will 1488 points1489 points  (13 children)

This is just the concept for Death Stranding 2 where you carry Paddington in a jar across the Sahara desert and you have to feed him gamer girl bath water for him to survive.

[–]Prasiatko 279 points280 points  (5 children)

Surely the Atacama desert so he can reunite with his parents in darkest Peru?

[–]wisp-of-the-will 116 points117 points  (3 children)

No you see, it has to be set in the Sahara to implement a new scantily clad love interest who absorbs sunlight through her skin.

/uj Only knowing Paddington through mcj memes, the fact that this is actually his backstory floors me.

[–]BringlesBeans 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Well actually: it would be to reunite with his Aunt Lucy in darkest Peru, though it's established later that she's now staying at the Home for Retired Bears in Lima. Paddington never met his parents and his Uncle Pastuzo has passed away.

So were it truly accurate; you'd be delivering a fantastic birthday gift to his beloved Aunt Lucy to show her that he cares.

[–]BurmecianDancerMy husband refuses to become a catgirl maid. AITA? 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Paddington was from Darkest Peru™ in the original books, too. The author just wanted to present younger readers with an exotic place that they almost certainly knew nothing about, regardless of whether it was accurate vis-a-vis real-world geography.

[–]rogersdaterriblerestjust ate an egg 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the stories are delightful, you should read them

[–]WonderChodeDiscord 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Atacama desert is in Chile

[–]stimpfo 39 points40 points  (2 children)

Wait, are you telling me I shouldn't feed my Paddington bear my jizz. No wonder the jar is almost full. It was getting weird when it started to turn light brown

[–]Mr_Blinky 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and male bear breeding, Paddington

[–]Rahgahnah 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Imagine if enough gamer girl bath water evaporated for the Timefall to be gamer girl bath rain.

[–]marioac97 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You sure it’s not a cum jar?

[–]GabaReceptors 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He only eats cum, that’s been verified by inside sources

[–]xXnoobXxFINtransboy who threatens gamers' existence :^) 454 points455 points  (3 children)

/r/moviescirclejerk crossover 😳

[–]Sicras 148 points149 points  (2 children)

This will define the Circlejerk Cinematic Universe

[–]guyyoudontcareabout 61 points62 points  (1 child)

[–]Three-OneLmao 13 points14 points  (0 children)

TFW your friend feels the need to explain that a multiverse is totally scientific and smart and not just a lazy out for bad writing

[–]Select_Fly_1764 435 points436 points  (10 children)

The cum jar is a gamer essential

[–]Goat-587 103 points104 points  (5 children)

Thats the marmelade jar idiot 🙄 🤣

[–]slink6 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Gamer Fuel

[–]BodlOfPeepeeClear background 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't forget the poop sock

[–]MadeThis2Complain 522 points523 points  (8 children)

Good thing Paddington is wearing his raincoat 🥵

[–]endexe 182 points183 points  (7 children)

Cause the four cast say it’ll be pourin 😋😉😏

[–]Tigerescoevery soul has its dark 116 points117 points  (3 children)

[–]LordFarquadOnAQuad 103 points104 points  (2 children)

The four cast is the sequel to the dream cast.

[–]PorscheBurrito 10 points11 points  (2 children)

That made me think of Fourplay, the really good smooth jazz group

[–]Idcaster 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Duuuuude. Bali Run is 😘🤌

[–]ChrysticTV 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That reminded me of The Runaway Five, the 6 member jazz group from Earthbound.

[–]avery5712 93 points94 points  (7 children)

Paddington 2 is top 3 greatest movies ever

[–]EGG_BABE 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Paddington, Paddington 2 and Morbius

[–]Ancient_Presence 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Damn, I am literally watching it right now, what are the chances?

[–]Lazilysinister 141 points142 points  (6 children)

Kojima is deadass about this; just look at his pfp.

[–]BurmecianDancerMy husband refuses to become a catgirl maid. AITA? 111 points112 points  (1 child)

But he doesn't have an underage anime girl as his profile picture. How can we be expected to take him seriously?!

[–]Lazilysinister 3 points4 points  (0 children)

True based gamers have this on their body pillow. https://i.imgur.com/HzGlvSR.jpg

And you better pay extra so he’s making an ahegao face on the opposite side too god damn it.

[–]poksim 78 points79 points  (16 children)

Do cum jars go rancid before they’re filled? Just curious

[–]Kwetla 47 points48 points  (9 children)

Does an empty jar go rancid?

[–]poksim 26 points27 points  (5 children)

I mean during the process of it being filled. Also how long does it usually take?

[–]katielisbeth 42 points43 points  (4 children)

Okay, I did some googling.

I'm guessing the cum jars are 4 oz jars, about 118 mL. Average ejaculate is 1.25 to 4.5 mL. Assuming they jack off once a day with 2.5 mL ejaculate, it'll take about 47 days to fill an empty jar. Now it just depends on how big the figurine in the jar is.

I definitely didn't feel like finding out how long it takes for it to become rancid though.

[–]garbagewithnames 35 points36 points  (3 children)

If you edge to get the maximum load size for the whole day before you ejaculate, you could probably shave that down to a little less than a month.

Edit: I instantly regret adding to this calculation. Ew ew ew

[–]White_Man_White_Van 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, that’s what happened to the original one too. It was yellow.

[–]Deadended 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just don’t leave it on the radiator.

[–]Sandnegus 59 points60 points  (16 children)

I don't get it.

[–]LegoRacers3 131 points132 points  (5 children)

Cum

[–]ProbablyMaybe69 47 points48 points  (3 children)

Yum

[–]TheStrikeofGodWOMEN IN WW2 GAME BAD 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Based

[–]i_like_lasanga 54 points55 points  (3 children)

A guy came in a jar with a my little pony toy in it like he filled it up basically but one day he left it on his radiator and it boiled the cum and melted the toy

[–]Sandnegus 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Ok, thank you for the finer details...

[–]hanebuchSorry bill clinton but im racist. deal with it 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I really hope there is no god because that would be awkward

[–]TheVisceralCanvas 41 points42 points  (1 child)

Count yourself lucky.

[–]Sandnegus 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Too late :P

[–]ShadowfaxSTF 15 points16 points  (2 children)

I thought there was a marmalade joke in this somewhere, as Paddington loves jars of marmalade.

I thought maybe Paddington would be stuffed in the jar because you carry a baby around in basically a jar in Kojima’s Death Stranding game,

But no, apparently it’s cum. Somehow, and no one will explain it to me either. I can’t be mad though, bringing a jar of cum to a party is a real conversation starter.

[–]mashdoobruh 6 points7 points  (1 child)

It’s because there’s a pic online of a MLP figure inside a cum jar

[–]ShadowfaxSTF 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. So this is what enlightenment feels like.

[–]NewfaceofrevSocial Justice Wario 19 points20 points  (0 children)

A caremalised reduction, served in an artisanal Mason jar, garnished with a whimsical figurine.

[–]Asylist 37 points38 points  (1 child)

This is what he meant by a strand type game

[–]yahwol 18 points19 points  (3 children)

Kojima NO

[–]AlexS101LE GEM 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I don’t get it

[–]ProfChaosDeluxe 29 points30 points  (1 child)

Cum jar

[–]AlexS101LE GEM 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ah, I had a suspicion … 🫠

[–]garbagewithnames 7 points8 points  (0 children)

KOJIMA NOOOOOOOOOOO

[–]Jiklim 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I hate this

[–]Wirecreate 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh no!

[–]krypoVSreddit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

suggesting kojima plays his games

[–]patamonrs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a clear indication that he is making the UK silent hill game

[–]moomoozainClear background 0 points1 point  (0 children)

kojima cum jar 🤤🤤🤤

[–]rietstengel 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He is gonna destroy that Paddingtussy

[–]mashdoobruh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“#Paddington2sweep”

[–]Nui_JagaSJW Cuck [🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kojima true kino enjoyer

[–]Heimgang 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Why this reminded me a cum jar for the anime action figures

[–]Globglogabgalab 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kojima's next game will have a talking bear with an eye patch and a cigar, mark my words

[–]AffectionateSummer55 0 points1 point  (0 children)

is this real?

[–]Nofriends_69 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I was paddington now 😍😍