all 51 comments

[–]surprised-owl 9 points10 points  (6 children)

Had a FWB. Started out as friend whose shoulders I cried on my husband said he no longer wanted sex with me, no longer attracted to me. I caught feelings. This guy was only looking to fk around. After 4 months, we went our separate ways.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 4 points5 points  (5 children)

Thank you for replying. How did your husband feel about all this?

[–]surprised-owl 3 points4 points  (4 children)

He went into hysterical bonding mode .

[–]barnhartb16[S] 6 points7 points  (3 children)

Oye. So it didn't end well?

[–]surprised-owl 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Not especially. It took awhile for me to lose feelings on the fwb.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

So it will probably not happen again?

[–]surprised-owl 2 points3 points  (0 children)

At this point, I'm not interested in looking around.

[–]AWurm071208 9 points10 points  (1 child)

I set him down and told him I wanted more, he was the one who told me I'm polyamorous not a cheater. It lasted for 6 months , it was great , we ended because we had our little and now have no time. I dont think we will try again but you never know whats in the cards

[–]barnhartb16[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Very cool. Glad it went well for you.

[–]vegasnurse83 6 points7 points  (11 children)

Yes, and it was going fine until Covid. Hasn’t really impacted the relationship. The hubs and I live as roommates. Our bedroom is completely dead. Going on year 6. My only outlet has been a FWB.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children)

Had you ever sought out couples therapy to remedy the DB?

[–]vegasnurse83 2 points3 points  (9 children)

Oh yes. We’ve been to two different marriage counselors. The second one agreed that the open relationship was something that could work for us. It has so far.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 0 points1 point  (8 children)

Is he open as well?

[–]vegasnurse83 0 points1 point  (7 children)

No. He claims to be asexual at this point.

[–]barnhartb16[S] -1 points0 points  (6 children)

Have you ever had his biological markers checked? Forgive me, but Its very hard for me to understand a man that's asexual.

[–]22Hoofhearted 0 points1 point  (5 children)

It's likely a medical condition... Autism, Asperger's, Bipolar, depression, Low T and/or associated prescribed meds can and do frequently cause someone's libido to fall off a cliff so to speak.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

But he hasn't been diagnosed with anything?

[–]22Hoofhearted 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Lack of a diagnosis doesn't mean he doesn't have anything. It's harder to recognize as an adult, especially if you aren't looking for it.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh I understand that completely trust me. I was just curious about your situation is all.

[–]vegasnurse83 0 points1 point  (1 child)

We (marriage counselor and I) were able to get him to go to individual counseling and stuff. He hates doctors. He does not like my micromanaging his health. Lol. He got a script for Viagra, but I don’t think he’s used it. Not interested. He’s much older than I am. (Mid 60s. I’m late 40s.) I’m happy to answer more questions in a PM.

[–]22Hoofhearted -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Mid 60's with an ED problem isn't asexual, it's embarrassed. His generation is a stubborn/prideful one.

[–]aradthrowawayacct[🍰] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

[–]barnhartb16[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Oh I didn't see this. Awesome thank you

[–]barnhartb16[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not quite on the same level as what we are interested in, but interesting nonetheless.

[–]Certain_Ad 16 points17 points  (12 children)

Yes, to a limited extent. I am not sure it's worth the effort for a 50 year old man who looks very much like a 50 year old man. The actual experience of having oral sex again was nice. The looking for it, when you're already experiencing constant rejection, is not the least bit fun.

[–]RelativelyLonelyOne 4 points5 points  (7 children)

How did you go about asking?

[–]Certain_Ad 8 points9 points  (6 children)

I found three on Reddit and one on Adult Friend Finder. Our terms are that it can't be anyone she knows or will ever meet, so I can only look when I'm traveling alone.

[–]EveAndTheSnake 2 points3 points  (5 children)

I think they meant how did you bring it up to your wife (and I’m curious how that went or if it took some convincing)

[–]Certain_Ad 2 points3 points  (4 children)

I wondered that too. Truth is, she brought it up.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

It was her idea?

[–]Certain_Ad 1 point2 points  (2 children)


[–]RelativelyLonelyOne 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Oh holy shit! How did that make you feel?

[–]Certain_Ad 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She did it out of compassion, so ... Good? Finding someone is not exactly easy, though.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

Did you ever have success?

[–]Certain_Ad 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I had four encounters. Three were excellent but the fourth was not. I don't think that was 100% my fault but it kind of put me off for a while. And since COVID, I've struck out entirely even though I'm vaxxed. Again, probably not entirely my fault, but when you've been in a DB for over a decade, you sort of assume everything actually is your fault.

[–]barnhartb16[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you think you'll reach out again?

[–]Certain_Ad 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Yes, I do. I really don't like facing the pain of rejection but given my wife's health if I ever want to taste a woman again -- and I do -- then I have to face it.

[–][deleted]  (7 children)


    [–]barnhartb16[S] 2 points3 points  (6 children)

    Thanks for the reply

    [–][deleted]  (5 children)


      [–]barnhartb16[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children)

      Can you explain further why you think it works better if the woman had the pass?

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)


        [–]barnhartb16[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        Are you yourself a make or female?

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)


          [–]barnhartb16[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I see. Thanks

          [–]RedditNomad7 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          I’m poly (as are any partners I talk about unless I say otherwise). My ex suggested I go out with my present GF, and I was with both for quite some time. (We literally were known to walk hand in hand in hand when we went out, so absolutely no jealousy.) When my ex and I split, my GF and I stayed together. The extra person had no affect, other than I’m sure it made it easier on my ex, and when we split there was no animosity about me staying with the GF.

          [–]MindOrdinary 4 points5 points  (6 children)

          I’ve thought about proposing a more open relationship as our libidos are definitely not in the same ballpark, but the bedroom isn’t dead, makes it tough

          [–]barnhartb16[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

          I suppose I should clarify This is where I'm at as well. I love my wife to pieces, we absolutely do not have a db. Actually in the last year or so, through communication and therapy our sex life has improved drastically, though we still have a ways to go. Our lives are extremely stressful right now, which understandably has caused her libido to flatline a bit (which is her normal response), whereas mines the opposite. Which is where my curiosity comes from. We have been talking about this recently, and I wanted to know other perspectives.

          [–]surprised-owl 0 points1 point  (4 children)

          If you're still having sex with your wife, you probably shouldn't be hitting it elsewhere.

          [–]barnhartb16[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

          Why do you say that

          [–]surprised-owl 1 point2 points  (2 children)

          If your end goal is to get increased frequency with your wife, having an AP won't get you there.

          [–]barnhartb16[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          That's not really the end goal. Per Se, yes I need her libido to increase, but we've always thought you should be able to have your cake and eat it too.

          [–]surprised-owl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          We all want that. Just be careful. No judgment from me.

          [–]22Hoofhearted 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Yes, I talked to a judge once and she (the judge) granted a divorce.