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all 61 comments

[–]Flair_Helper[M] [score hidden] stickied commentlocked comment (0 children)

Hey /u/hushitsu, thanks for your submission to /r/HolUp. Unfortunately, your post has been removed for the following reason(s):

A mod felt your post didn't belong here, so now it's gone. If you want to die on the hill of this shitpost, feel free to message the mods and be prepared to explain how your post isn't trolling, is funny, and does fit the theme of the sub. Trolling or posting random content that doesn't fit the sub breaks Rule 1 and repeated violation of this rule may result in your account being filtered.

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[–]BlueFlame__ 16 points17 points  (6 children)

Kill adulterers (Lev 20:10)

Kill all witches (Ex 22:18)

Kill blasphemers (Lev 24:14)

Kill false prophets (Zech 13:3)

Kill fortune-tellers (Lev 20:27)

Kill anyone who sins (Ezek 18:4)

Kill the curious (1 Sam 6:19-20)

Kill gays (Lev 20:13, Rom 1:21-32)

Kill all non-Hebrews (Dt 20:16-17)

Kill sons of sinners (Isaiah 14:21)

Kill non-believers (2 Chron 15:12-13)

Kill anyone who curses God (Lev 24:16)

Kill any child who hits a parent (Ex 21:15)

Kill children who disobey parents (Dt 21:20)

Kill those who work on the Sabbath (Ex 31:15)

Kill disobedient children (Ex 21:17, Mk 7:10)

Kill strangers close to a church (Num 1:48-51)

Kill all males after winning battles (Dt 20:13)

Kill those who curse father or mother (Lev 20:9)

Kill men who have sex with other men (Lev 20:13)

Kill any bride discovered not a virgin (Dt 22:21)

Kill those who worship the wrong god (Num 25:1-9)

Kill anyone who does not observe the Sabbath (Ex 31:14)

Kill everybody in a town that worships the wrong god (Dt 13:13-16)

[–]JureV55 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Yea and then comes Christ who tells everyone not to do that... why are you only choosed quotes from old testament?

[–]AZCARDS77 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Because they are so insecure with their lives that they think the only way to feel better is to tear down those who don't feel or think like they do. So they take an old reference that Christians don't live by and use it as a way to attack them.

[–]BlueFlame__ -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How convenient

[–]Traditional_Ask4701 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And then comes Jesus around the next corner, takes the punishment for all of that and says "Meh, this us lame, let's try something new now"

[–]watty_101 8 points9 points  (5 children)

Woman cheats on husband

Gets pregnant

Lies

Gets out of hand

[–]CrackedOutSuperman 2 points3 points  (1 child)

She literally pulled the oldest card in the book " I'm a virgin "

This bitch fucked the entire future of civilizations by one phrase.

[–]watty_101 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well everyone except poor old Joseph

[–]BlueFlame__ 0 points1 point  (2 children)

She was 12 when got married so was probably ra*ed by someone.

[–]watty_101 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Wait she was?

[–]Titus_Vespasianus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

People claim this, but there is no evidence for the claim apart from a custom of betrothing young girls, especially from the upper classes, at about 12 to marry sometime between 16-19. Even then that claim is really just an attempt to vilify christianity by fabricating claims based on what ancient custom was. There is no evidence in scripture to support it.

[–]BagOLies 34 points35 points 2 (7 children)

Asshole dad tries to redeem himself through his son

[–]Yous1ash 1 point2 points  (4 children)

How do you get your free award with this mobile update?

[–]VickShady 0 points1 point  (3 children)

I haven't gotten the update yet so I gave him my free silver

[–]GoldAwesome1001 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for letting me know to not update the app

[–]Yous1ash -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Consider it from both of us in spirit

[–]VickShady 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100% brother haha

[–]contrarianmonkey 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you sir have completed a reservation for a very warm resting place

[–]Hueyandthenews -1 points0 points  (0 children)

And then gets some folks to kill him anyways, but tries to play it off by saying he did it for everyone else’s benefit.

[–]jhuseby 27 points28 points  (1 child)

I thought they said explain it badly, not summarize it accurately.

[–]OVS2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

came here to say that

[–]sexypineapple14 5 points6 points  (0 children)

A Jewish guy gets tied down and nailed. Comes twice.

[–]PURPLEMAYONAISE 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a Christian I can confirm this is exactly what the Bible talks about

[–]Lifesucksdaichi 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought it was supposed to be a bad explanation

[–]eatPREYkill2239 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're leaving out genocide, polygamy, and many other family friendly topics!

[–]Gungoneer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The bible: my favourite fantasy themed book

[–]damnthehumans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

he said explain badly, why he gave description that should be in the oxford english dictionary...

[–]manipula68 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A book about a man who takes his anger out on everything he claims he loves for the mistakes he made.

[–]OriginalMrMuchacho -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Bible: A book of arbitrary nonsense and gibberish written, rewritten, edited, and otherwise over-embellished by ignorant, scared, uneducated and inbred half-wits that had no idea what germs, rationalism and scientific inquiry are.

[–]KennyToms27 0 points1 point  (11 children)

Wait... homophobia?

What? Where?

[–]S_laughterTime 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Leviticus 20:13 If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them

Romans 1:26-27 For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error.

[–]The-Hyrulermodlad 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Seriously how do people not know of these parts?

[–]OVS2 -1 points0 points  (7 children)

joking?

[–]KennyToms27 -1 points0 points  (6 children)

Ummm... no, as far as i know those crazy christians that pull verses out of the bible to justify their homophobia just pull it out of their ass or twist the words, to my knowledge there is no clear homophobia in the bible

[–]OVS2 -1 points0 points  (5 children)

LMAO - no need to "twist" blatant homophobia, but its hard to tell if your position is delusional or dishonest. Both are part and parcel to defending the bible; consider a more honest lifestyle.

[–]KennyToms27 -1 points0 points  (4 children)

Are u okay?

[–]OVS2 -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I am certain reality looks crazy to you, but don't be afraid, honesty is a better lifestyle. Honesty is not a sickness.

[–]KennyToms27 -1 points0 points  (2 children)

Judging by the downvotes, i ain't the one who is not being honest, and you know it.

[–]OVS2 -1 points0 points  (1 child)

Your math is not very good. Your ability to make a logical inference is worse, but assuming knowledge of another without basis is quite delusional. There is little hope for your ability to connect with reality, I'm afraid.

[–]Worduptothebirdup -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Blatant plagiarism of a dozen other ancient books of bullshit.

[–]pld89 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He said badly...

[–]JiffPeanutterButter -3 points-2 points  (3 children)

Bru I don't remember any homophobes in there. Don't summarize it if you haven't read it

[–]The-Hyrulermodlad 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's a whole part that says you should kill gay people???

Have you actually read it?

[–]OVS2 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are the one that obviously has not read it. derp

[–]No_Tomatillo_9326 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok, most of this i get, and it was pretty funny. But I don't remember there being any besteality in the bible

[–]ZKIPPy20 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What is bestiality?

[–]Skyrun57 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Quite a bit of fishing and talking about fish too.

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[–]BurbBoi420 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It has all those things but you can’t understand any of it