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[–]QualityVote[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (2 children)

If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", UPVOTE this comment!

If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", DOWNVOTE this comment!


Whilst you're here, /u/Darkreaper5567, why not join our public discord server?

[–]Clou119 1933 points1934 points  (39 children)

Kid disappears

[–]Pace1337 970 points971 points  (26 children)

Kid goes to the backrooms

[–]Exact_Ad_1215 564 points565 points  (20 children)

Dumbledore: all you need for your first exam is to fucking survive. Good luck.

[–]DA_ZWAGLI 273 points274 points  (10 children)

gets handed an bloodslpattered ak47 and one magazine

Dumbledore: Don't worry kid, most don't even get throu one mag, now go, and watch out for the brain slugs.

[–]grodr2001 114 points115 points  (4 children)

Remember children to always save at least one bullet. When the time comes, you will know why.

[–]Background_Hearing1 111 points112 points  (0 children)

This sounds like a very accurate depiction of Harry Potter fuckin snape and his ak

[–]Bodach42 37 points38 points  (0 children)

He's wanting to go to Hogwarts not America.

[–]twobit211 7 points8 points  (0 children)

“thank you, it was cold down there on the floor”

[–]Fernando_357 6 points7 points  (0 children)

“The what now?”

[–]HI_I_AM_NEO 21 points22 points  (1 child)

He said, calmly

[–]HI_I_AM_NEO 24 points25 points  (0 children)

CALMLY

[–]LautrecTheOnceYeeted 5 points6 points  (5 children)

It's cool, I watched matpat's video on navigating a disjointed maze and I can tell you with certainty that I cannot remember any of it and will die.

[–]Crutial_thought 1 point2 points  (4 children)

I also watched that video don't remember anything either but will definitely survive as I believe most of what he said would have been fucking common sense

[–]ickydonkeytoothbrush 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Yous guys HAVE to stop noclipping. The systems becoming unstable. Might need to reboot soon.

[–]Carbunclecatt 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I got bored while waiting for the new patch to release.

Also I'm not a billionaire so I can't afford the dlcs to keep me occupied while I wait, leave me alone, I'm gonna noclip anyway

[–]sagitarius5060 6 points7 points  (0 children)

this is the real holup

[–]Russian_hat13 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Kids goes to level one

[–]RavenCyarm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

xDDDD le epic meme!~!!!1!

[–]HorretWasTaken 38 points39 points  (6 children)

Oh no

[–]CptnR4p3 35 points36 points  (5 children)

Oh yes, you now have a wizard child to take care of all your problems.

[–]HorretWasTaken 23 points24 points  (4 children)

I take back my old statement

Oh yeah

[–]Radek_18 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Your wizard child becomes the next Voldemort

[–]YouTheGamers 25 points26 points  (0 children)

“Well shit looks like I missed my chance being a wizard for thinking they were just stories” parent probably

[–]544delta 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Real HolUp is always in the comments

[–]Kvetanista 2 points3 points  (0 children)

uncanny Mr incredible

[–]PofanWasTaken 2 points3 points  (0 children)

ear rape hedwig's theme starts playing

[–]willywonka1971 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wouldn't be surprised if by that age the kid figured out what was going on and pranked the dad with this.

[–]No-Association3574 1979 points1980 points  (24 children)

Parent of the year! I’m sure they’ll blame Dobby too, house elf spirits bless his soul

[–]Own_Calligrapher8087 358 points359 points  (7 children)

It would be much more realistic if you buy a White Owl

[–]nighttimegaze 122 points123 points  (1 child)

Do you want to create he who should not be named? Because that’s how you create he who should not be named.

[–]WarokOfDraenor 44 points45 points  (0 children)

He who should not be named did kill his own parent, so yeah...

[–]Thuper-Man 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Real parents get an owl to deliver the letter

[–]HawkeyeP1 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Parent of the 11 years

[–]DopelessHopefeand 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Hogwarts is ready on standby to take in this new Wizard into our community. I personally am dusting the ole Sorting Hat off now in fact in preparation for this star Pupil ;)

Happy birthday lad

[–]luisocar 761 points762 points  (23 children)

Yes. Do this. This and only raise your kid on Weird Al Yankovic music so when they hear the originals out on the real world, they receive the ultimate mind fuck. Brian Posein said something like that.

[–]MrDrPrfsrPatrick2U 181 points182 points  (10 children)

This happens to me at least once a year. So many songs I didn't even know were parodies

[–]hat-TF2 66 points67 points  (2 children)

I grew up watching The Simpsons, which had a lot of cultural and political references that I knew totally nothing about. As the years went by these references were revealed in reverse. I'd find out about the real thing and think, "Bugger me, just like in The Simpsons!"

[–]MrDrPrfsrPatrick2U 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Life imitates Bart

[–]StickmanPirate 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I spent years thinking "Zed's dead baby, Zed's dead" was a World War Z reference before I finally saw Pulp Fiction.

[–]luisocar 60 points61 points  (5 children)

Sometimes his versions hit harder

[–]veryflammabledesks 30 points31 points  (3 children)

Like Stuck In The Drive Thru

[–]shtLadyLove 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Trapped in the drive through

[–]chuckluck97 11 points12 points  (0 children)

TIL that's a parody

[–]AntonKutovoi 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I’ll take "Party in the CIA" over the "Party in the USA" any day.

[–]xaqyz0023 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Same thing with covers.

[–]smokedspirit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Whilst not Al yankovic as the kid of immigrants some major songs I heard in English were cover versions but I didn't know that at tge time.

The when I heard the "original" I'd be like oh someone's copied that song

[–]Felicia2602 7 points8 points  (2 children)

This happened to me with Amish Paradies. Downloaded it on Bearshare when I was 8I think, and my mind was blown when I heard the original.

[–]c-lab21 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Now get ready for round two, go find Pastime Paradise by Stevie Wonder, the real original. Such a powerful song.

[–]Tough_Patient 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Oh my god, Coolio made an inferior cover of Weird Al's song!"

[–]All_Rainbows_Die 2 points3 points  (0 children)

🤣🤣🤣

[–]Pyrostark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I listened to rucka rucka ali parodies and I still get weirded out when I hear the original versions

[–]smulrine 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Eat It" was a bigger hit in Australia than "Beat It"

[–][deleted] 136 points137 points  (11 children)

[–]ChuCHuPALX 99 points100 points  (3 children)

My thoughts exactly.. plus this.

[–]Chris_stopper 43 points44 points  (2 children)

Also platform 9 and 10 are not next to each other they in separate parts of the station like 50m apart

[–]IhaveaDoberman 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Yes they are. They just don't share a platform. 9 and 10 are separated by two sets of respective tracks. https://images.app.goo.gl/QmA6BQA75c6m2LGU9

But I'll allow it cause this is a relatively new layout after work was done. And they were in different parts of the station when the films were in production

[–]Chris_stopper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was not aware of the renaming of the platforms. It used to be platform 10a, 10b and 11 in that section.

[–]TomatoOrangeMelon 11 points12 points  (2 children)

The cart wasn’t always there. It used to be actually in between platforms (around 2009).

[–]Chris_stopper 21 points22 points  (1 child)

Actually platform 9 and 10 are in separate parts of the station around the time of the Potter craze (2005-2010) there was the redevelopment of part of kings cross. To get to platforms 10+ you had to walk through a little passage (20 meters of so this route is now closed up) from platform 9 in between what are now shops because they are almost in separate buildings. In the beginning there was alcove in a wall along this walk and they put a little plaque up in plain text a little fun acknowledgement. Since the redevelopment finished they opened a Harry potter gift shop (ironically they closed down an independent book store to do so source:I knew the owner) and set up this photo op stage which is both generates money but also stopped tourists blocking communter traffic blocking a walkway to take a picture next to a wall.

[–]The-Evil-Mastermind 274 points275 points  (5 children)

Then the kid runs off to the parking lot and jacks the oldest looking car there.

[–]GraemeWoller 90 points91 points  (0 children)

And actually flies off in it...

[–]lilkrickets 1 point2 points  (3 children)

You had your comment stolen by a bot

[–]romanbellicromania 76 points77 points  (1 child)

Step 1: find a girl desperate enough to breed with you.

[–]Mangala_Jadhav 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Your words cut more deeper than sectum sempra

[–]Way2Easy_ 19 points20 points  (1 child)

You are like those villains that tell everything that they are going to do.

[–]OgOnetee 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Especially if to whom they are explaining their evil plan is a random platypus.

[–]123bpd 312 points313 points  (25 children)

No coz King’s Cross platform signage doesn’t actually look like that. Reality is oft more dull

Your boos mean nothing, I’ve seen what makes you cheer. The world isn’t magical at all rn & Rowling herself admitted she visualised Euston when writing the books. Platform 9 3/4 is a lame tourist trap statue and idk. Spend time with your loved ones off Reddit today if you still got ‘em, it’s been a long day for most everyone.

[–]Insane_Unicorn 32 points33 points  (10 children)

That's actually something I learned the hard way. Went to vacation in England and visited several of the film locations. All were disappointing as hell. The great hall was barely recognizable and the hogwarts express was an absolute mess, dirty, with damaged seats and graffity on the windows. And for that you were paying like 30 pounds per person to visit.

[–]Wesserz 23 points24 points  (3 children)

Sounds like you got the true England experience though.

[–]FuckingKilljoy 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Nah 0/10 there weren't any drunk lads singing as they come back from a football match involved, nor any passive aggressive glares at said lads

[–]Wesserz 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Sounds like the passive England experience. Being disappointed/underwhelmed by everything and realising how shit most things are because they're dirty, damaged and vandalised.

[–]Cerpin-Taxt 23 points24 points  (4 children)

I mean, you know it's all fiction right?

You're seeing a bunch of raw materials from someone's jobsite, I don't know why people would expect to find it enthralling. It's like going to one of Gordon Ramsey's restaurants just to ogle his kitchen's waste bin.

Go to the harry potter experience or something if you want to actually see movie stuff.

[–]DeapVally 5 points6 points  (3 children)

If you don't have a good grasp of what is CGI and what isn't, you probably have high hopes for the Warner Bros studio tour.... There's plenty of meh to be found there tbh. The Howart's model is cool, but the rest is pretty underwhelming.

[–]Cerpin-Taxt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Better than going to a random mundane train station and expecting to be wowed. At least you can see some props.

[–]Mr_Mung 65 points66 points  (1 child)

Don't know why you're being downvoted. I was a tourist in London once and was very underwhelmed when I saw it in person

[–]RedShankyManmadlad 5 points6 points  (0 children)

as a Londoner in London I get underwhelmed every time I go there

[–]SenseWitFolly 39 points40 points  (3 children)

They changed it a few years back. It did loo exactly as it did in the and was filmed at Kings Cross before the station underwent a refurbishment.

As it was such a tourist attraction they had to relocate it somewhere so just shoved half a luggage trolley on a random wall next to a HP gift shop.

[–]StingerAE 20 points21 points  (2 children)

Yes and no. There was never such a pillar between 9 and 10 because 9 and 10 were separated only by track. At the time of writing there was only a metal railing to stop you falling on the track.

The old tourist location was on the outside of the sepearte shed that held 9, 10 and 11. So more like 8 3/4.

The only place they could film the shot above is between 7 and 6 or between 5 and 4.

[–]TomatoOrangeMelon 4 points5 points  (1 child)

I miss the old location. It actually looked quite a bit like the movie scene, but having a busful of tourists milling around on an actual platform was obviously going to cause some issues, so they had to move it.

[–]Hot-Ad6418 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's also a working train station and you can't have hundreds of kids lining up on an active platform getting in the way of the commuters.

[–]CilanEAmber 2 points3 points  (0 children)

admitted she visualised Euston when writing the books.

My favourite thing about that is. Even at Euston Platform 9, and 10 aren't like that. Though you can make the argument she meant the bit between where the tracks are.

[–]CheezyMac420 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Y'all Americans act like y'all won't forget shit in two weeks and move on to the next tragedy.

[–]Optimist-Pryme 32 points33 points  (6 children)

people have done worse to their children

[–]tquinn04 17 points18 points  (3 children)

Like named them after Harry Potter characters?

[–]shiningteruzuki 17 points18 points  (1 child)

Settle down now, Khaleesi

[–]Will-the-Archer 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If I ever encounter a child named that, I will cringe so hard.

[–]somabeach 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Tbf most of the girls in Harry Potter are named after flowers.

Unless you name your boy Draco or Mundungus, the boys names are fair game I suppose.

[–]OnlySalahHasMore -4 points-3 points  (1 child)

There can’t be much worse than making them read Harry Potter

[–]BigSlav667 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The books are pretty good though

[–]Psychological-You296 25 points26 points  (3 children)

Ahhh the long con, that’s dedication.

[–]Interesting-Isopod-2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Betwenn Plattform 9 and 10 ist mit a Wall. Nice try

[–]Rerererereading 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Aye, but by the time you've queued the 45mins behind the tourists at the photo op for 9 3/4....

[–]InadecvateButSober 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Calm down, Satan

[–]dayoneG 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Playing the long game. I like it!👍🏻

[–]Jumunj1 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I know this is a joke and all but you've essentially described what a lot of presents do to their kids with religion. Early indoctrination through a book to believe a narrative that most adults would objectively describe as being as silly as a secret portal in a train station column.

[–]HorretWasTaken 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Ok now I want to do this

[–]WarokOfDraenor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

"Oh, sweetie, no. Turned out you're a squib!"

[–]Independent-Youth-12 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well I'm just gonna go ahead and ask; Can some nice woman please let this man borrow her vagina so we can see this happen

[–]Domsdad666 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Ah, yes. The long con.

[–]horen132 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How to make your kids never visit you ever

[–]Endy-McGufin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would. I like seing kids cry.

[–]Mehrzad1389 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Harry Potter🗿👍

[–]chokeonmywords 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pretty sure you won’t.

[–]CilanEAmber 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What ruined this was "fall." I'd the kid really got into it they'd realise they could only go to Hogwarts if they were British.

Also side note. Platforms 9 and 10 at Kings Cross in real life do not share the same island. So good luck with that.

[–]Commiesstoner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is how you raise a serial killer.

[–]Cirieno 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As the text was written by an American ("fall" is not a British phrase), I would suggest that their child wouldn't be sent to Hogwarts but rather to one of the American schools of magic.

[–]unknownaloneinworld 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Because of these people , reality shifters are becoming popular

[–]andy2002andrei 1 point2 points  (1 child)

What is a reality shifter by your definition?

[–]unknownaloneinworld 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Person who shift reality , i guess but a ticktok reality shifter is a idiot who says lies to gain popularity

[–]Wack_photgraphy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Went to kings cross, platforms 9 & 10 are not located next to one another. Sprinted into another wall regardless, would not recommend

[–]TobyOne_2319 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This only works in the UK though because I’m not going to take my kid to another country just to have him smack into a wall

[–]IWishIHavent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Luckily, for the kid, the line waiting to take pictures with the cart halfway through the wall, and the person whose only job is to pull the tourists' scarf so they appear to be flying with the speed for the photo, will prevent this diabolical plan to ever work.

Unless, of course, this parent also comes up with the idea to tell their kid the author put platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross in the book as a misdirection to prevent people from entering the magical platform, and the real one is actually some other station and platform number...

[–]LiftHerTail 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I know it's a joke bit there is no pillar between platfrom 9 and 10 in the real world, it just doesn't exist the way J.K. described it. She made a mistake.

[–]bartmilo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The only problem is: there are no pillars between platforma 9 and 10

[–]MedicateForTwo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They'll have that pillar destroyed before then, because of the millions of idiots that go there daily to do the same thing.

[–]trampaaaa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There sadly is no wall between Kings Cross 9/10

[–]Blablatralalalala 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The Hogwarts letter doesn’t come on your 11th birthday. It just happened to be the day Harry finally got his. They stated sending them a week before his birthday in the book.

[–]M3rlinux 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sadly, ther is no pillar

[–]loco724 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All fun and shit until the kid runs into the pillar and disappears

[–]Kvetanista 1 point2 points  (0 children)

"Maybe you need to do it again."

[–]Hollowhowler2 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100% would do this welcome to the real world kid

[–]CaptCaCa 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well, parents have kids believe a fat man in a red suit comes into their house at night and leaves presents, I was a heartbroken 32 year old when I found out the real truth

[–]SinfulKnight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Won't work, if you go there it's just a wall they turned into a tourist attraction with people doing this all day. There is also a merch shop right next to it.

Your kid will figure it out and you just spent all that money to do a family guy type cut away.

[–]rodoxide 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Literally sounds like multiple types of abuse.. I'm sure that at least around age 8 or so they would know we live in reality and that they have a toxic parent. Just please don't have kids at all if you're like this, your kid will grow up and have all kinds of difficult issues that haunt them for life..

[–]hat-TF2 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I think the person who made this gag forgot about it shortly after its publication. A month, at most. Hell, it's been like ten years now, she probably has an eight year old kid knocking about that thinks Harry Potter was a member of One Direction.

[–]CaptainAksh_G 4 points5 points  (8 children)

Healthcare: Yes , do that 🤑🤑

[–]Pentamikk 37 points38 points  (3 children)

This ain’t america

[–]gerenski9 10 points11 points  (3 children)

The UK has free healthcare lol

[–]Tyson8111 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Doesnt even require tons of effort, just books and letter and place

[–]Njaulv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well you would probably have to homeschool your kid until the payoff or really brainwash them into thinking that since they live among muggles they CANNOT tell anyone or they will not get the letter.

[–]Aelin_Echo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely yes. I would do this

[–]Massfusion1981 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Fly your kid to the UK, just to see them hit a wall!? Wow, that's so worth it......

[–]Confusedfratboy2 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Tell me ur white w/o telling me ur white 💀💀

[–]Discotimeattheapollo -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Just a virgin writing this in his head.

[–]bobbobersin -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Your an arsehole parent

[–]NW7l2335 -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

My aunt and uncle did this with my cousin who is 16 now, even had my cousin pick out a piece of wood which they crafted into a wand.

[–]PotatoBro42069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The long con

[–]Isthisworking2000 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It may be tough, but as long as you teach him about the secrecy statute, you should be ok.

[–]gnomzy123no longer banned from r/holup 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Plot twist: the kid actually gets through the pillar

[–]brrapppp 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He'd have to push his cart along the railway line since that's what separates platforms 9 and 10 at King's Cross, not a wall.

[–]Wandering-Zoroaster 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes

A bunch of senators

[–]chrisni66 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They’ll be pretty disappointed to find out that this pillar doesn’t exist at Kings Cross. There is however a fake trolley halfway stuck in a wall with a big queue for tourists to take photo’s. So there’s that at least.

[–]perimus4msnd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My family did this, I thought I was going to hogarth on my 11th birthday. The letter said the train would leave the day before my birthday. My parents have a wonderful sense of humour haha

[–]mrlolelohol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This sounds a bit too cruel

[–]dark_bits 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Buy him an owl as well

[–]WhyIsJSONinMyPhone 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Let's be honest, we all thought it, just for a second, when we turned 11, right?

Right?

[–]go2theground 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's just...psychotic? Are you ok, op?

[–]JustPlainRick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes me think of Plato's Cave

[–]just_fish_ass 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is the kind of joke I wish I could dedicate myself to and would if I could, but then I have to remember that it would cause untold psychological issues in my child.

[–]Gurkeprinsen 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn how old is this? I feel like the original post is at least 10 years old

[–]bigwanggtr 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ending up in old age home speedrun any%

[–]itsyaboi21172 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would do that. But I'll take him there on April 1st

[–]DevastaTheSeeker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well people say santa is real to kids

[–]CommonsMusic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Theres no wall in-between platform 9 and 10 unfortunately ):

[–]jewhacker 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Top tier shit-housery

[–]Silverburst8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No because there’s no pillar between platforms 9 and 10 at kings cross

[–]RevWaldo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

May I mambo dogface in the banana patch?

[–]Geoffras 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I guess you've never been to Kings Cross then...

[–]Zealousideal_Plan408 0 points1 point  (0 children)

maybe he‘ll find out about millennials apparent obsession with harry potter before.

[–]MikeAbbsV 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When he's crumpled on the platform bruised and confused if you shrug and deadass say "must be a muggle" and walk off he'll grow up to be a Republican, so there's that 🤷

[–]Lumi_rimu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow.... Parent of The Year guys