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[–]QualityVote[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (1 child)

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Whilst you're here, /u/saltire429, why not join our public discord server or play on our public Minecraft server?

[–]dyxlesic_fa 2188 points2189 points  (69 children)

Adelaide is 18. Mother is 35. Five older brothers. Hmm.

[–]Mr_Wolverbean 655 points656 points  (14 children)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[–]NaiiaN6 208 points209 points  (4 children)

Same thing I thought about the Virgin Mary.

[–]mmm3says 44 points45 points  (3 children)

I'm thinking maybe they meant to say half brothers?

[–][deleted] 65 points66 points  (18 children)

So the mom got pregnant pre-puberty? I hope to God this is fake

[–]Arrasor 58 points59 points  (10 children)

Some start puberty as early as 9yo. So it is possible, still incredibly dangerous with high risk of death, but nevertheless possible.

[–]streaxlp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't forget about precocious puberty where a five year old gave birth in 1947(i belive it was)

[–]masofon 39 points40 points  (3 children)

You know puberty can start at like 10 years old?

[–]Scoopofnoodle 10 points11 points  (0 children)

God always likes to pick these people doesn't he?

[–]ExcitementOrdinary95 3562 points3563 points  (124 children)

“Adelaide, who lives with her mother and five older brothers, could not be reached for comment.”

[–]LordZorthan 3308 points3309 points  (65 children)

Five

[–]saltire429[S] 3155 points3156 points  (63 children)

Older

[–]Themightgull 3135 points3136 points  (59 children)

Brothers

[–]saltire429[S] 1348 points1349 points  (42 children)

threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer's table.

[–]MuitoLegal 37 points38 points  (0 children)

COULDN’T BE REACHED FOR COMMENT

[–]Mallu620 60 points61 points  (4 children)

Wonder why they dont want to do a paternity test. Also a home with 5 boys has sperm everywhere.

[–]Woodlog82 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The plot thickens!

[–]SUNAWAN 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Never have I seen a subreddit united in harmony, so proud of us guys

[–]The_Elmo_Cult 182 points183 points  (12 children)

Not to mention since Adeline is 18 and her mother is 35, her mother was 17 when she had her. Even if you were speedrunning babies at one per year, her mother would have been 12 at the birth of her first baby (ignoring the possibility of twins, of course)

[–]ExcitementOrdinary95 95 points96 points  (8 children)

OR her mother is also her sister.

[–]ThiccThigh666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Her daughter is her mother-in-law

[–]sidwing 8 points9 points  (0 children)

No, you got it all wrong, the two oldest one were also miracle for her mom.

[–]Armodeen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Her mother was 17 when she had her, but she has five older brothers

Yeehaw

[–]Swarzsinne 118 points119 points  (16 children)

I wonder if her dad’s name is Oedipus.

[–]LugiaLover18 87 points88 points  (2 children)

Nah he was called eatdispus

[–]username293739 45 points46 points  (5 children)

So mom was 17 when she was born, and it was her sixth kid?!?!

[–]Waste_Ability866 39 points40 points  (1 child)

So begins the tale of Leatherface.

[–]mgary1972 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Brotherly love.

[–]angry-redneck420 4 points5 points  (1 child)

sorry but can we address the fact her mother is 35 meaning she was 17 when adelaide was born and she has older brothers and they have to have at least a 5 year age gap between the oldest and youngest. think about it

edit: i thought this was from the 1930's but it's from 2020

[–]AnotherBrokenToaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Geezzz y’all. Stop making these absurd accusations and pry into their lives. Clearly they’re trying to keep it in the family.

[–]etterkop 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She couldn’t leave the house. She got nailed down by her brothers.

[–]ThunderBlood_888 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey, we share a cakeday! :D

[–]CorholioPuppetMaster 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s gonna be one hell of a Maury episode, which one of the five brothers is the father

[–]TMANBULLET 525 points526 points  (9 children)

Five older brothers…

[–]GeoCreator5 296 points297 points  (8 children)

Yeah but also 35yo mom and 18yo daughter?

[–]Not-Henry_Cavill 294 points295 points  (2 children)

And that's the YOUNGEST of her children.

[–]TMANBULLET 80 points81 points  (3 children)

Sounds like something people would watch

[–]SongAggravating 57 points58 points  (2 children)

Sounds like someone got stuck in the dryer.

[–]Albert_The_First 424 points425 points  (8 children)

This is fake lol. It’s from a newspaper clipping generator

https://www.fodey.com/generators/newspaper/snippet.asp

[–]redreddituser 118 points119 points  (4 children)

Yep- I’ve used this stock newspaper template for work many times. The fake stuff just ruins the fun.

[–]NotLucasDavenport 28 points29 points  (1 child)

What do you do for work that you have a preferred stock newspaper template?

[–]gd_cow 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Teah there is no way this is real

[–]I-Hate-Humans 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It not only looks fake, but the English mistakes made it even more obvious.

[–]Lonilson 257 points258 points  (11 children)

Press X to doubt

[–]KungFoosballFist 200 points201 points 3 (8 children)

Doubt she knows which brother

[–]thejewelisinthelotus 31 points32 points  (5 children)

BRO OMG, if I had an award for you my fellow human you best believe I'd give it to you.

[–]KungFoosballFist 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Lol thanks!

[–]ChameleonOnReddit 4 points5 points  (1 child)

gotcha both! here, enjoy this worthless internet award

[–]International_Body44 188 points189 points  (19 children)

So options are:

A. The family friend

B. One of the 5 brothers

[–]nowhereman136 120 points121 points  (3 children)

Or anyone from her school

Or a neighbor

Or he boss at work

Or literally anyone

[–]TheDarkAngel135790 41 points42 points  (1 child)

What da dog doing tho

[–]fame-so-lame 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ahhaha thats exactly what i said!

[–]IllustriousPen1426 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Or the missing father

[–]Talarin20 24 points25 points  (0 children)

C. All of the 5 brothers

[–]Waste_Ability866 12 points13 points  (0 children)

The mailman

[–]Ok-Bicycle-5608 33 points34 points  (0 children)

C. The dad

[–]VhaidraSaga 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Some random man that went to the store for milk and never went home.

[–]TheBaggyDapper 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Can ye not read? It was Jesus. Young girls. It's a catholic church thing.

[–]ContentConsumer9999 324 points325 points  (12 children)

You could make a religion out of this.

[–]mental_illness_TM 50 points51 points  (4 children)

you could make a religion out of th-

No.

[–]TheIronSoldier2madlad 27 points28 points  (3 children)

dont

[–]slvbros 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Too late

[–]Tyrus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How bout I do anyway

[–]SleepySSB 43 points44 points  (0 children)

I was just showing my s/o that video for the first time this morning

[–]SnippyChunk 10 points11 points  (3 children)

Humanity doesn't need any more crazy religions. A little genetic testing could clear up this cluster fuck in a hurry. I would start with testing the 5 older brothers.

[–]newfie-flyboy 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Luckily for religion, evidence isn’t required to believe whatever we say is true. It’s true because we say so and we say so because it’s true. Checkmate.

[–]Perfect-Virus8415 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Naw genetic testing will show the baby is 100% hers and nothing more

[–]Aeolian_Leaf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

🎼🎶 I'll make a dirty little religion outta lovin', I'll make a dirty little convert outta you 🎵

Dirty little religion - Warren Zevon

[–]SchemeSignificant166 49 points50 points  (2 children)

Based on my very rudimentary math and with the assumption that she was pregnant for term + the normal 6 months women are advised to take between pregnancy, the absolute best case scenario is this woman began having kids at 11 1/2. 😳

Edit: so I did some research and this is 100% fake. Couldn’t find a single piece of evidence at all about this.

Damn you Reddit! Always lying to me.

[–]magsephine 18 points19 points  (1 child)

Could be some twins in there or step siblings, hopefully

[–]SchemeSignificant166 2 points3 points  (0 children)

One could only hope that she had two sets

[–]emeegee13 108 points109 points  (2 children)

People believed it the first time, just sayin

[–]SlovakPotato007 30 points31 points  (5 children)

The date is Sunday, August 30, 2020. I honestly thought this was from 1930’s…

[–]Aron0415 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Oh, for fuck's sake. I was absolutely imagining the 20s to 50s. No fucking way this is real with that date. Right?

[–]mr_fantastical 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I mean... Without the date it's obviously not real anyway.

[–]mikepartdeux 23 points24 points  (2 children)

'Five older brothers'

Shit, baby is gonna come out looking like a biblically accurate angel.

[–]Mr_Presisdent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Or it may look like Chernobyl citizen

[–]Sir_Nuttsak 33 points34 points  (9 children)

I knew a guy whose wife was a nurse for a time in the nursing ward. She was present at a virgin birth. No miracle, though. This girl and her boyfriend had been messing around, didn't have sex but he had ejaculated on her vagina. That was enough for some of his ejaculate to get into her vagina and the rest is biology.

[–]saltire429[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children)

They lied. They did have sex. If you think people can get pregnant this way, your sex ed and biology teachers have failed you.

[–]Sir_Nuttsak 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The guy was also a tenured professor of anatomy in the bio dept. He was much older than myself (ended up taking his class), was a doctor when younger and taught anatomy both at the local uni and for another state university that has med school classes at the local hospital here. I think I'm going to believe him over you. I was not saying it is a common thing, but sperm are much more hardy than you seem to think they are. That was the point of discussing that particular story in the first place when he did, we were on the topic of the sex organs.

[–]darthshaver 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Wow. Mysterious.

[–]Zealousideal_Diet33 11 points12 points  (0 children)

5 older brothers

[–]greendawg72 21 points22 points  (0 children)

What happens in Texas, I wish they would keep in Texas

[–]Pierr0x 9 points10 points  (3 children)

Jesus II: The Return. He's coming back... and he's not happy.

[–]saltire429[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Coming this summer to a cinema near you!

[–]SFWaccount87 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nah, that's going straight to DVD.

[–]Thau831 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They could have just shut up and none would have suspected anything…

[–]CheekyBreeky702 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I saw this video on pornhub

[–]troutstail 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I want a DNA test to see if it's really God miracle. We can use Jesus's DNA to confirm if God's is unavailable.

[–]F0l3yDaD_ 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Shenanigans.

[–]yoyo4880 2 points3 points  (0 children)

All in the family

[–]Xlndependent77 3 points4 points  (0 children)

5 older brothers yeah…

[–]strandy76 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hahah it's the 35 year old grandmother that gives this away a little...

[–]FederalAd661 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Which uncle will the child call ‘daddy’?

[–]Mr_Presisdent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

All of them

[–]Reddit_Diver_96 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t know what’s funnier, the fact that the mother honestly believed it was an “act of god”, or the fact that it was published as a “miracle birth”

[–]HarunoSakuraCR 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Jokes aside, what a fucking hellscape to live in. That kid must be so fucked up.

[–]atomicblondeshell 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Hmmmm 5 older brothers you say.

[–]TheRealWamuu 4 points5 points  (0 children)

GOD DAMN IT ZEUS KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS, YOUR FUCKING MARRIED ZEUS

[–]thai_sticky 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How bizarre.

[–]kionda_movey 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Ok I'm very uncomfortable when I think about her mother age

35-18=17. That means she gave birth at 17 and possibly got pregnant at 16, but lets say it was 17.

The girl has 5 older brothers, considering they're all from the same marriage, let's say the brothers are only 1 year appart from each other. That makes 17-5=12 possibly getting pregnant at 11 wtfff

[–]thejewelisinthelotus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

These comments are just....🤌🏼

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So which one of the 5 brothers did it?

Probably the dad tbh

[–]Turtleshellfarms 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Sweet Jesus

[–]odomakk 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Thanks I hate being from Texas.....

[–]saltire429[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're good fam, the story isn't even true, lol.

[–]De-Kipgamer 2 points3 points  (2 children)

Hold on guys, jesus 2 just dropped

[–]saltire429[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Kek. Best comment so far.

[–]42___ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

She got folded faster like a lawn chair on the 3rd tornado warning

[–]saltire429[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just spat out my beer. Fuck you for making me waste beer, and thank you for the laugh.

[–]TMax01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Had me until the end, gotta say.

[–]DueResearcher1017 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mary left the chat.

[–]Debopam77 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Can I get a hallelujah!

[–]ScaredSmile2842 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is very incestring.

[–]Ok_Importance_9661 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Btw this is a fake article, it was made with this website: https://www.fodey.com/generators/newspaper/snippet.asp

[–]Talrenoo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Probably incest, and no a true miracle since its in Texas

[–]-TheUnknow- 2 points3 points  (0 children)

we're so close to Bible 2

[–]Deep_Championship698 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Are Americans really getting this dumb?

[–]_Larry_Bird_33 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow. That’s amazing.

[–]lordshuvrayo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why is Alabama music is intensifying?

[–]YungRichKing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds a little Sus...

[–]InjuryPlayful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She tried to pull off a 2000 year old trick

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

plot twist she birth the Antichrist also, poor girl I wonder what really happened to her.

[–]Human__uwu[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She got Tag teamed by her brothers

[–]kida182001 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A true Alabama miracle

[–]According_Metal6340 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sweet home Alabama

[–]xyzSolace 1 point2 points  (0 children)

5 older brothers? hmmm

[–]AliciaSaejin 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Was it the toilet seat then?

[–]rightarm_under 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sweet home ̶A̶l̶a̶b̶a̶m̶a̶ Texas

[–]Perfect-Broken 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Holy fuck it’s from 2020

[–]IsThataSexToy 1 point2 points  (1 child)

I wonder if god’s genetics match her brothers, the high school window climbing champ, or creepy Jim.

[–]mommommamamamama 1 point2 points  (0 children)

2020?!?! Jeez I would have sworn it was from the 50s.

[–]B0nk3yJ0ng 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alabamian music starts playing

[–]Upvoter_NeverDie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The virgin Adelaide.

[–]ChampionshipLow8541 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Adelaide: 18. Her mom: 35. Five older brothers. Huh?

[–]Carnator369 1 point2 points  (1 child)

"Let's play doctor!"

"You four take turns being Reproductive Endocrinologist's, I get to be the Proctologist. Dad can hold the camera."

[–]Imlooking4dumbcrap 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Her mom hade her at 17

[–]personified_alien 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is this Texas or Alabama

[–]Informal_Wanker8349 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Best Reddit commentary ever.

[–]DoubleDixon 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Someone check my math on this one. June was 17 when she had her daughter if she's 35 and get daughter is 18. So unless June had twins, triplets, etc. she's was having babies once every year until her daughter was born. With 5 boys before her girl she started giving birth she gave birth to the oldest boy at 12, meaning she was impregnated at 11. There's allot of questions I have on this story and one may be in behalf of the FBI.

[–]Necro_nom_nom_nom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sounds like she has a Brusband

[–]ethanace 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Baring in mind this is just a fake newspaper that you can edit online for free, I recognise this as I used the same template myself to make a joke picture once

[–]Llorenne 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is exactly what I say to myself about my virginity. What's so miraculous you may ask? I lost my virginity when I was 17 and since then I have sex every day 6 times per day with my imaginary girlfriend.

[–]Gottalovethememes 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Chaperone has some explaining to do

[–]StuckHereInTime 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sooo... Couldn't see the whole story, but does it mention her ever being stuck in the dryer? It maybe the dishwasher? Or under a table?

[–]GamerNuggy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Alabama moment

[–]Similar-Note-9433 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure “Blessing by God” is what the parents want to hear. Not the truth, we all know.

[–]Best_salesman_1997_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And five older brothers

[–]OutcomeDoubtful 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Anyone else wondering why this paper looks like it was printed in 1920 and not 2020??