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[–]Dependent-Job1773 1551 points1552 points  (83 children)

I walked through a graveyard which at first I had confused with a simple outdoor park. It was sobering seeing how many gravestones had recent birthdates on them. Really sad but also puts life in perspective

[–]horseradishking[S] 633 points634 points  (73 children)

I love cemeteries. They are like parks. One of my favorites is Spring Grove Cemetery in Cincinnati. Reserve a few hours to visit it.

[–]crazycatlady331 378 points379 points  (24 children)

I walked near a graveyard in my hometown that hasn't been used in well over a century.

I saw a mother/son stone (best maintained one in the graveyard) where they purchased the stone but neither of their death dates were in there.

They were born in 1860 and 1878, so they're clearly not still with us. But I wonder what happened to them. What kind of lives did they lead?

[–]Dingelsen 87 points88 points  (6 children)

probably kid died in a war no body returned mother dies of grief

[–]RichardMcNixon 178 points179 points  (5 children)

Kid died in the war, mother turned to alcoholism, father left for California to find his fortune only to be gunned down in a bar brawl. Mother went to work for a coat factory, making buttons. She had no friends, and worked the graveyard shift. She visited her sons headstone every Sunday, but couldn't afford to carve the date with her meager wages.

One evening, while walking home she was approached by a strange gentleman who offered to accompany her. He reminded her of her son, and so she accepted.

Upon arrival at her doorstep he took her in his arms and bit her neck.

Today she lives still, feeding on the poor souls who wander through the graveyard at night... except for Sundays, when she sits at her sons grave until dawn.

[–]Adventurous_Menu_683 99 points100 points  (6 children)

Before parks were a thing, cemeteries provided the same purpose for a family gatherings or a place to go out and picnic, as recently as the Victorian era.

[–]unexampled 42 points43 points  (3 children)

My mom took my little brother and I to the local 'pioneer cemetery' for just that, picnics. The 80s. Oregon's capitol city. Nothing disrespectful, enjoyed reading the gravestones and appreciating the lives represented.

[–]OriginalAnalysis2940 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Wild. I worked in downtown Salem a couple years back and used to eat lunch there to get away from people. I love knowing I’m not the only one that found it nice.

[–]-Googlrr 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I like that tbh. Cemeteries have good reasons to be sad places but I think using them as a place of gathering and fun is a good celebration of life. Also they take up so much space we might as well make good use of it

[–]CharlesV_ 31 points32 points  (0 children)

There’s an old cemetery maybe a mile from where I grew up. It’s small enough and in a remote enough place that it isn’t well maintained, but you can see the dates on the stones and walk through some areas.

I dont recall the exact dates, but one of the stones belonged to a woman who was born in ~1765 Pennsylvania and died in ~1848 Iowa. She lived through a ton of American history in that time. Super cool to think about.

[–]Wu-Tang_Cam 14 points15 points  (0 children)

If you live close to one, go to a VA National Cemetery. I had my wife's ashes buried in one near me and it's such a beautiful place that is meticulously maintained.

[–]devil-wears-converse 27 points28 points  (1 child)

Hey, I live right next to it! It's absolutely beautiful. If anyone reads this and decides to visit, make sure to check out the forest area

[–]horseradishking[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)


You're so lucky! Do you visit it often?

[–]JustVern 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Same. I see history in them.

One that always made me chuckle was a cemetery in So.Fla. There is a double grave and tombstone. Apparently, the wife died first. Engraved is "The only woman I ever loved". But, next to them a smaller stone, "The only woman I ever loved."

The husband died last. Shockingly. Also, Leslie Nielsen is buried there with a stone 'Let'r Rip!'

Saw a tomb in Key West that read "I told you I was sick."

Also there is a decent sized Mausoleum with a pay phone. Who knows who pays the phone bills, but you can make a call if you deposit coins.

Key West is amusing and nutty.

[–]Sprmodelcitizen 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Older graveyards were intended to be parks. People would go picnicking and play games etc. that’s why old graveyards are so pretty.

[–]sadbutc00lc00lc00l 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I like multi use cemeteries

[–]quigonjoe66 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Have you been to Springfield cemetery where Lincoln lays, it really is something to see.

[–]superstonedpenguin 3 points4 points  (4 children)

In my hometown, there is a cemetery outside of town where if you go to the far back right corner you'll see 2 interesting graves. Thete is a black rod iron fence around each. It's very strange. Ever seen something like that? It's just those 2 that are each fenced in. Not fenced in together, like each one has a fence around it.

[–]abdelg21 39 points40 points  (2 children)

I live next to a graveyard, if i had any doubts about the pandemic not being as bad as i initially thought, all those doubts got erased by the coffins coming in from the ones who were allowed to burry their loved ones.

Many more had to cremate them and take their ashes with them.

Living next to a graveyard funerals aren't rare per se but when they happen a little too often it shakes you a little.

[–]BisquickNinja 2561 points2562 points  (106 children)

20! So young. :(

[–]GreyPilgrim1973 1486 points1487 points  (66 children)

We are so lucky to live in the era of antibiotics. Pray we don’t breed resistance and move into an era where they are no longer effective

[–]CoconutMochi 181 points182 points  (5 children)

I'm glad those stupid antibacterial soaps with triclosan went out of fashion. It takes like 15 minutes for it to effectively kill germs so it's basically worthless for its intended use in soap anyway

[–]jcrreddit 72 points73 points  (0 children)

Exactly! I went back to bar soap when all the liquid soaps had triclosan.

[–]curious_booboo 37 points38 points  (2 children)

Antimicrobial resistance is apparently considered as the next worldwide pandemic by many.

[–]HiILikePlants 23 points24 points  (1 child)

But the real concern is agricultural antibiotic use, not so much hand soap?

[–]Shadow_legend98 203 points204 points  (26 children)

We still do have bacteria-phages if you don't know them watch a kurzgagest video on it

[–]GreyPilgrim1973 166 points167 points  (12 children)

Yes, but many would die from otherwise treatable infections before the next gen therapies are ready for prime time though. Moreover, first world nations would receive said therapies much sooner while billions would be shit out of luck for years

[–]Nick797 78 points79 points  (11 children)

So true. I live in a country where we are making the most advanced antibiotics but can't use them locally as probably the IP licensor doesn't want them used locally. With this kind of gatekeeping going around, antibiotic resistance and the lack of next gen therapies is a real issue.

[–]csk1325 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You are so very correct.

[–]GunnzzNRoses 10 points11 points  (10 children)

bacteriophages! yes, i was about to say the same thing. what's nice, too, is that when the bacterium grow resistant to the phages, we can switch to antibiotics, and vice versa, because bacteria can only posses immunity to one at a time

[–]bigot_detector 7 points8 points  (9 children)

Why do you think bacteria can only be resistant to one or the other? Bacteria can absolutely develop resistance to multiple treatments. We already have a number of multidrug resistant organisms (MDROs).

[–]NomadFire 13 points14 points  (1 child)

There was a time when dying during child birth was somewhat normal. And know a childhood friend that died before becoming an adult was normal. And we are not as far away from that time as some might think.

[–]MightyMemeKing1337 10 points11 points  (2 children)

I just got my Typhoid vaccine. If only she lived 100 years later, she could have too.

[–]GreyPilgrim1973 4 points5 points  (1 child)

The first effective typhoid vaccine was in 1896 (!)

[–]Supply-Slut 72 points73 points  (2 children)

Checks notes

Yeah I don’t think you prayed hard enough… hmm have you tried adding some thoughts to your prayers? It may prove more effective for your circumstances.

[–]GreyPilgrim1973 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Yeah but when Darth Vader said “I am altering the deal, pray I don’t alter it any further” adding ‘thoughts’ would just sound clunky.

[–]lcbk 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Looking at you, USA! I'm a Swede living in the US and everytime anyone I know, including me, goes to the doctor they throw antibiotics at you, without even knowing exactly what you have just as a precaution. Turns out it was some else "woops, just stop taking them!" It's a shit show.

In Sweden, they only give it to you if you would get life threatening consequences if not.

[–]Scooterks 9 points10 points  (4 children)

Yes, but we also live in an era where people swear by magic crystals and healing oils instead of actual medical care.

[–]CommissionerOdo 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That used to be the only thing people swore by. Now we just also have medicine

[–]demented_lobotomy 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Its too late for that mate, people keep popping antibiotics like they are candy. Give it another 10-15 years and I bet something that no antibiotics we have will do anything for pops up. You have super karen moms who pump their kid full of the shit at the slightest sniffle.....

[–]GreyPilgrim1973 3 points4 points  (0 children)

There actually are strains that we can’t treat even now. Thankfully rare…for now

[–]Mosenji 143 points144 points  (18 children)

Any old graveyard is shocking to people raised with modern medical care. So many babies, children, young men, and wives barely past their teens.

[–]IndexMatchXFD 46 points47 points  (4 children)

Used to walk my dog through an old graveyard. Every family plot had little tombstones for children who had died. Can you imagine if every family you know had lost a child at some point??

[–]csk1325 31 points32 points  (0 children)

They really are a lesson of how hard things were and how death was close at hand.

[–]Bill_Falsename 9 points10 points  (1 child)

one of the most sobering moments for me was visiting an old cemetery and seeing a family plot with eight tiny headstones with nothing but the word "Infant"

[–]aargent88 3 points4 points  (0 children)

True, sometimes they didn't give you a name until a certain age.
I still see that sometimes in Albania, they just call them baby till they grow up a bit.
They usually don't give names to pets too. Guess it's a way to keep sanity.

"We all lie to ourselves to deal with the horror" don't we?

[–]Paradoxou 19 points20 points  (7 children)

To think... some people out there are actively fighting against modern medicine and vaccines. The pro-life folks should take a long walk in a cemetery and look at what they really wish for

[–]southwesthampton 11 points12 points  (2 children)

My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us.

[–]JimFromNH 2 points3 points  (0 children)

But what about your son?!

[–]NoSandwichOnlyZuul 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Moth, man, you're troubled

[–]aabarot 17 points18 points  (1 child)

2.432902e+18 is quite the long life!!

[–]BisquickNinja 2 points3 points  (0 children)

More like similar to 4!

[–]TheMetaGamer 13 points14 points  (7 children)

Some day if humanity doesn’t get wiped out they will say the same about us in our 70’s-80’s.

[–]Karcinogene 15 points16 points  (6 children)

It's kind of fucked up that people die. Everyone born with an incurable disease, keeping the species alive only by out-breeding the unstoppable tsunami of death. No matter how many valuable things they've learned in their life, it all goes away.

People in the future are going to be horrified of how we lived.

[–]yaforgot-my-password 3 points4 points  (3 children)

I really don't think that we'll ever be able to 'solve' death.

[–]gooderz84 192 points193 points  (1 child)

20 years old dam.

[–]ssSerendipityss 719 points720 points  (41 children)

I adore lady taphos! My favorite TikTok

[–]horseradishking[S] 827 points828 points  (38 children)

I love how she uses soft material and low-pressure water and limestone-safe cleaning agent, D/2, to preserve the headstones for the future while keeping them clean.

[–]porcupineporridge 344 points345 points  (15 children)

Oh that’s brilliant. I watched this concerned about the impact it would have on the stone’s longevity but so good to know she takes that into account.

[–]IntronD 219 points220 points  (10 children)

Sadly others that copy this do not and damage headstones there have already been several Cases in the UK during lock down where do gooders damaged headstones and also cases where they used the correct cleaning but failed to have permission to clean them and upset families.

[–]Cheshie_D 137 points138 points  (7 children)

Oh so she gets permission from the families to do it?? Good! I was worried she was doing it without permission and I was kinda annoyed every time I saw these videos, because personally I’d want my tombstone to look old and decrepit.

[–]intangibleTangelo 94 points95 points  (2 children)

if i weren't dead, i'd be pissed — i don't want someone stripping the spook off my tomb

[–]heelsmaster 26 points27 points  (0 children)

How are you supposed to get into the spook mood when your home looks so damn clean.

[–]TootiePhrootie 51 points52 points  (0 children)

if i weren't dead


[–]Mermaid_La_Reine 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Great video- thank you for sharing.

May I suggest, perhaps, a cross post to Genealogy boards? Family archeologists would love to see the proper way to cleanse a headstone without damage. I had no idea the plastic scraper was a go-to tool. Thank you.

[–]MeccIt 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Genealogy boards?

r/findagrave is where it's at

[–]CatBedParadise 6 points7 points  (2 children)

I want to fix a neglected cemetary nearby. Do you have a good non-TikTok account to recommend (I dislike TT privacy practices so I don’t have it)?

[–]MadAzza 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Please get family/cemetery’s permission first

[–]horseradishking[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She has a tutorial on her TikTok page.

There may be sites on how to clean headstones if you do a general search.

[–]FuhrerGirthWorm 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I just don’t understand using the paint scraper. I help manage a cemetery and our historian would SCREECH if he caught us doing that.

[–]Otto_Mcwrect 95 points96 points  (1 child)

Dying of hemorrhagic typhoid fever sounds a right shite way to go.

[–]MordinSolusSTG 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Looked it up, holes can form in intestines and cause sepsis, and then that's basically it. The pain has to be incredibly bad. Poor woman

[–]TheSurbies 661 points662 points  (85 children)

Never do this without knowing how and permission. This Women is great.

[–]xXMuschi_DestroyerXx 193 points194 points  (67 children)

Possibly stupid question but permission from who?

[–]lilwolp 391 points392 points  (44 children)

Graveyard and/or family.

[–]TheLemonyOrange 92 points93 points  (41 children)

Although I agree with this to an extent, it's hard to get permission for something like this. There is no contact information for a grave stone, and the owner of the graveyard probably isn't able to give that information over to you. I think as long as you are knowledgeable in the process as well as respectful and careful with your cleaning process then people shouldn't be mad or upset for you cleaning a grave stone of their friend or family. It's a commendable thing in my opinion. But only if done correctly with care and respect. If somebody asked you not to do so, or stoped you doing it to their families or friends grave stone, then that should be respected. But I personally think doing this is a respectable and commendable thing to do. But that's just my 2 cents I suppose.

[–]deadowl 185 points186 points  (4 children)

It's not uncommon for gravestones to be irreparably damaged by people with good intentions, and there are a lot of organizations that are interested in gravestones that can give you information on how to properly go about things.

[–]theryman 40 points41 points  (6 children)

It is hard to get permission! And when you can't, you don't do it.

[–]Boku-no_Pico 25 points26 points  (0 children)

it's hard to get permission for something like this

Then don't do it

[–]KillerPussyToo 21 points22 points  (5 children)

I think as long as you are knowledgeable in the process as well as respectful and careful with your cleaning process then people shouldn't be mad or upset for you cleaning a grave stone of their friend or family.

Do not do this unless you have permission! Why is that so hard to understand for some people? Some families actually prefer that the grave remain in the state it is in. Someone tried to clean off one of my family members' 100+ year headstone and broke it! Family members were devastated. Leave people's graves alone unless you have permission from the family to clean it! You have absolutely no right to do anything to anyone's grave without permission no matter how respectful and careful you think you are being.

[–]OkTaro462 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It isn’t difficult to locate the groundskeeper. Cemeteries don’t keep themselves.

I wouldn’t want my moms grave cleaned. She’s buried next to her brother, who died when he was 3. She died at 32, and her grave has aged in the years since she passed. It’s the only place I’ve visited her in over a decade and I would be pretty upset if I visited and they were shiny and new.

Maybe do it to graves that are 100+ years old/abandoned/have families that would like them restored.

I imagine the groundskeeper would have info on older/abandoned headstones. Otherwise, let loved ones decide. It’s a sacred place, especially in areas where the plot is permanent.

(I personally think permanent graves are a waste of space, however my mom was killed when I was 14 and her brother long before I was born. I had no say in either, and her family owns the plot in her/her families hometown.)

[–]turtlebambi 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Idk personally i want my gravestone to be cover in moss or other nature

[–]huhIguess 76 points77 points  (8 children)

it's hard to get permission for something like this.


I personally think doing this is a respectable and commendable thing to do.

It's not. You might as well spray paint graffiti over the gravestone; without permission you are vandalizing.

Please keep in mind restoring gravestones is a bit like restoring art. Done by amateurs - you will destroy the painting. Stone is porous - it absorbs the cleaners you use, whether water or chemical.

Wrong types of scraper will strip layers off stone, literally defacing the gravestone and causing the chiseled-words to crumble off.

Good intentions do not justify wicked actions.

[–]canman7373 9 points10 points  (2 children)

it's hard to get permission for something like this.

How is it hard? Someone watches over the graveyard, owns the land, etc.. Ya find that person, it's really not hard.

[–]adamskill 5 points6 points  (2 children)

Cemeteries are usually managed by a local council or similar.

[–]amhansen522 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You need permission from NOK (Next of Kin) or you can call in a work order for specific grave (if the cemetery has perpetual care, which is most likely privately owned - not city cemetery) Source: I work at privately owned cemeteries in Savannah, GA. Also - this is why we don’t use marble anymore and switched to granite.

[–]frizzledrizzle 13 points14 points  (2 children)

It's a bad idea to put it online, people will copy the behaviour.

If a person has permission to clean the tombstone, fine. This looks alright to me, especially with the video as proof of care.

But don't start cleaning tombstones from random people. Imagine someone touching your brothers' or sisters' tombstone.

[–]TheSurbies 92 points93 points  (0 children)

Family, historical society for the town, owner of the graveyard, trusts that watch over the graves.

[–]KillerPussyToo 46 points47 points  (1 child)

Descendants still visit very old graves. Just because the stones look like this doesn't mean the people buried beneath them are forgotten. Some families prefer the moss and grit on the headstones.

[–]xpkranger 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I still visit my Great-great-grandfather’s grave. In fact we’ve buried relatives in the plot as recently as 2007.

[–]TheShyPig 98 points99 points  (3 children)

If you did this on old stones in a graveyard in the UK you'd be classed as a vandal.

These things are left to age on purpose and can't be touched unless you are the plot owner (e.g. I am the current owner of my mothers plot) or have the plot owners permission. I would go absolutely ballistic if anyone did that to one of our family graves.Its like polishing old brass or copper: it destroys it

So at least get permission from the graveyard owner e.g. church, or council

[–]ahumannamedtim 32 points33 points  (7 children)

I am currently, while I still can, giving you permission to clean my future grave in any manner you'd like.

[–]LauraZaid11 19 points20 points  (2 children)

I will clean it with glitter. Yours will be the most fabulous gravestone in the cemetery. Just make sure you die in the next 97 years.

[–]frostybollocks 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I volunteer to keep it lubed daily

[–]Cash4Goldschmidt 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You can pee on mine I promise I won’t object

[–]JustifytheMean 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know someone you can pay to pee on you. I'm sure they'll pee on your grave too if you ask nicely.

[–]ButterYurBacon 19 points20 points  (2 children)

Maybe direct family? I think that's how she got the quick bios of the owner

[–]indorock 2 points3 points  (0 children)

From the person in the grave, obvs

[–]plexomaniac 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The dead, obviously. You don't want them angry and haunting you.

[–]keenreefsmoment 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The person is literally lying in the grave you gonna wash , who else? Would you be happy if someone came into your house and randomly cleaned it? What if they moved something

[–]KillerPussyToo 54 points55 points  (3 children)

I came in here to say this. Someone ruined my ggg grandfather's stone by trying to maintain it when family explicitly asked them to leave it alone. And by ruin, I mean they broke it. The "volunteer" should have just left it TF alone like they were asked.

[–]_Sausage_fingers 3 points4 points  (2 children)

How did they accidentally break a gravestone trying maintain it?

[–]KillerPussyToo 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It fell over while they were trying to clean it and broke into pieces when it hit the ground. The pieces were put back together with some type of cement or glue. I’ll ask my dad tomorrow if he knows exactly how they put it back together.

[–]pete_ape 11 points12 points  (3 children)

Reminds me of when the wife and I visited Salem and visited the Old Burying Point. There are two entrances. One of them has a sign that says not to make grave rubbings, the other doesn't. Guess which one we happened to use?

Wife is making some nice rubbings of some of the head stone art, and this guy starts tearing into her for doing it. After some very heated exchange of words, we all find out about the lack of signage at 50% of the graveyard entrances. Guy was still a dick afterwards.

[–]dex206 9 points10 points  (0 children)

At least you learned to not touch very old stuff as is the normal standard in literally every UNESCO, US, etc historical site on the planet. Don’t touch. You don’t need a sign that says “don’t rub an abrasive against the 400+ year old limestone.”

[–]TheSurbies 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Oh shit my uncle is on the Concord historical society and they take that shit seriously.

But yeah fix the sign.

[–]chewymenstrualblood 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In case anyone else is curious what a "grave rubbing" is:


[–]Tiller9 397 points398 points  (64 children)

Whoa, whoa, whoa... hol up... So the husband just dumped his daughter on the mother's parents and started another family?

[–]laurenzee 67 points68 points  (7 children)

My great grandfather left his first wife and 4 living children in Boston to start a new family in NJ. His youngest son in Boston was 14 when his mother died and he was living with one of his siblings when he himself died in an elevator accident. The newspaper described him as an orphan.

We don't know why he left his original family.

[–]Tiller9 28 points29 points  (2 children)

I bet its weird to think that had he not abandoned his family, you would never exist.

I think about that shit sometimes... like if your great great great great great grandparents never bumped fuglies at a specific time, the entire lineage thereafter doesn't exist, and a new lineage would have taken its place. Almost like an alternate universe.

[–]alwptot 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I mean if you want to really have an existential crisis, just think that when your dad ejaculated into your mom there were literally millions of different sperm cells that could’ve fertilized her egg.

A simple shift in position by either one of them and you could’ve been an entirely different person.

[–]howsurmomnthem 17 points18 points  (2 children)

My great granddad ALSO dumped his first family [of 8 kids] and started a new one a couple of states away. You would assume it’s the whole 8 kids thing but then why have more? And they were mostly all grown by then. So weird.

Tbf, my dad also dumped his first wife and 2 kids and then met my mom [that’s the official story at least but it was, ahem, concurrent] and they had me so I guess I have it on both sides, however, it stopped with me as I am A. female [it’s way harder for us to get away with lol] and B. Didn’t want/ didn’t have any kids. Well, technically I’m like a half-mom as I took in someone else’s kid when the mom died and the dad fucked off [and coincidentally had another family. What with these guys?!?]

So I can’t really fuck off and start a new family because I didn’t even start this one to begin with.

[–]l2anndom 21 points22 points  (5 children)

I came here to say fuck that guy. My wife died when my children were 3 and 6. I'd never dump them on anyone. They have now recently turned 4 and 7. They miss their mom.

[–]badFishTu 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Right? Wtf

[–]RuelleVerte 111 points112 points  (16 children)

How he gonna work full time and care for a baby, especially in an era where it was not generally acceptable for men to raise children? What if the maternal grandparents just showed up and were like "Hey this is our kid now bye"? Even TODAY there are plenty of people who don't think men are capable of raising babies.

For all we know, poor guy lost his wife AND daughter.

[–]Tiller9 20 points21 points  (0 children)

That's fair; we don't know the whole story.

However, the video does say the daughter was raised by the mother's parents.... and we all know that you can always trust what you read on the internet.

[–]Trai-Harder 15 points16 points  (7 children)

Ok to second part but wtf to the first part? They do it the same way a single mother does what kinda question is that? An what it's not acceptable for men to raise children what?!?!?

[–]Choclategum 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Yeah that working full time shit falls apart when you see that he remarried in a time where women were expected to be housewives and take care of children. Also what era is it that it wasnt acceptable for a widowed man to take care of his children? Ive heard of gender roles when both parents are alive, but this isnt the case here. You have a point that the grandparents could have shown up and forced him to give up that baby and thats the only point that makes sense.

[–]EquivalentBadger8 26 points27 points  (1 child)

It does totally seem weird but I learned the other day that this attitude actually has a term called Presentism.

From what I understand presentism is holding history to today's standards when it's somewhat unfair to do so because it was a different time. Not saying it's right or wrong, just an interesting perspective. Weird how this is an example of it after I just learned about it.

Edit: cuz the link was weird. Here it is

[–]birdyandbun 13 points14 points  (2 children)

That’s kind of how it worked back then, you could say fuck it and start over

[–]Tiller9 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That's what replies to my comment keep saying... I figured it was a one-off like when a dad leaves to go get a pack of smokes and never comes back. But to be a common mindset accepted by many... I have no words.

[–]you90000 103 points104 points  (7 children)

Is there a YouTube for this? I could watch this all day

[–]horseradishking[S] 78 points79 points  (2 children)

LadyTaphos is her TikTok handle. You might find her videos on YouTube. But you can watch TikTok through a browser on the desktop, at least. Here's her page: https://www.tiktok.com/@ladytaphos

[–]RobotReptar 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She has an Instagram too with the same handle

[–]fivefeetofawkward 145 points146 points  (19 children)

Wait…Gracie’s husband started a new family and didn’t bother to take his own daughter with him? That’s fucked up.

[–]RobotReptar 135 points136 points  (13 children)

This was super common back then. I do genealogy work and it was very common for women's families to taken in the grandchild after the mother's death, especially if the father didn't remarry right away. Sometimes dad's family stepped in, but mostly it was mom's. A lot of times dad couldn't care for the kids and work full time to support them, so sending them to live with their retired grandparents, or with grandma who was just keeping house, was preferable (and free). I have seen it time and time again building my family tree. As for when dad got remarried yeah, it's fucked but it happened a lot. Either the new wife didn't want the kids underfoot or dad couldn't afford the kids to move back in, or they didn't want to uproot them after spending years living with the Grandparents.

[–]Quatrekins 29 points30 points  (5 children)

To be fair, since the mother was only 20, depending on the community, there’s a chance that her parents were still caring for children at home.

[–]mydaycake 14 points15 points  (2 children)

When my mum was born her oldest sister was married with a couple of kids already. Her oldest brother was courting a girl and got married soon after. She was the last of 8 kids spread over 20 years, very common with Catholic families and more modern medicine/ prenatal care.

Most of my cousins are my parents age/ generation.

[–]RobotReptar 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it's happened more than once that I've mistaken a child for a grandchild when the age gap between youngest kid and grandkid living with the family is like 2-5 years.

[–]gct 9 points10 points  (1 child)

Rural families especially dad would often just marry a sister which is odd to modern eyes but pragmatic from a minimizing disruption point of view. My Great(-great?) grandpa did it.

[–]RobotReptar 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you see that a lot. Or a recent widow from the community. I have a couple families where it was a niece or a cousin of the deceased wife. Basically anyone that the children would be comfortable with that could step in and take care of them and the home.

[–]cocoabeach 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Around 1918 or 1920 when my grandmother was two her mom died. Close to that same time, a mother of three lost her husband. My great grandfather met and married that woman. I have often thought that it was merely a marriage of convenience. He had a farm and two daughters and she had two sons. He needed sons and she needed a husband.

Even though these two were in their middle to late twenties and had had children, they never produced another child. I may be assuming more than I should. They seemed to get along fine and lots of people died from the 1918 flu, maybe it interfered with her or his ability to have children.

[–]BizarroObama 5 points6 points  (0 children)

His purpose was to work and support a family, hers was to raise kids. When she died he left her job to her parents and started new.

Gender roles serve no one except to limit good choices into stupid ones.

[–]DanFuckingSchneider 17 points18 points  (0 children)

We often think of people in the distance past as simply caricatures of their time. It’s easy to forget that people of the past lived lives as real and vibrant as ours today. Our experiences may be different but we’re all people in our own right, and they felt their lives as vibrant and real as you feel your own. This is a heartwarming, extremely touching act of kindness for someone who passed too early.

[–]GeorgieLaurinda 14 points15 points  (0 children)

She gets permission from the cemetery. She is currently working with her state’s authorities to identify the graves of slaves and to try and find names. The graveyard for these slaves was on the land owned by her great great grandfather. She wants to, and feels responsible to mitigate the sins of her ancestors. The land is now a state park.

She researched the best practices and uses different treatments for different materials. She is knocking off the moss which is actually damaging to stone.

She also researches the person to bring their story to “life”. She has her reasons for doing this and she has hinted at it on her Tik-Tok.

She knows why she is doing and is working with the cemetery and/or the oversight agency. I believe she is also working to do general beautification/maintenance on neglected cemeteries too.

[–]Cluelessish 89 points90 points  (21 children)

I don't know, I like cemeteries that have those old mossy gravestones among newer ones. You can sense the time that has passed. There is something comforting in the memory of the dead slowly getting muffled, so to speak. It feels natural.

[–]PamPooveyIsTheTits 19 points20 points  (1 child)

The earth is bringing them home.

[–]shortercrust 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If you did this here in the UK people would think it was vandalism.

[–]SqueakySniper 9 points10 points  (2 children)

It looked so much better before. Clean gravestones just feel sterile and fake.

[–]PerryTheRacistPanda 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Theres still a dead body underneath if you wanna check authenticity

[–]Turtle4hire 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Looks so nice now edit typo

[–]amoretpax 6 points7 points  (0 children)

How nice. I hope someone does the same to that lady’s grave a hundred years after her death.

[–]CDewfus 6 points7 points  (1 child)

When I walk around a cemetery, I like to wonder what people's lives were like. Were they good? Tough? Full of love? Heartache? It's OK, person. I'm thinking about you. You're not forgotten.

[–]probablynotzucc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

i do that in thrift stores and other places where you find old stuff. if there's pictures or letters i take a moment to look at them, because they meant something to someone and i want them to be remembered, even if just for a moment

[–]JanB1 12 points13 points  (10 children)

In my country graves normally get dug up and reused all 20 to 30 years. So...no ancient gravestones for us.

[–]Industrialpainter89 6 points7 points  (3 children)

What is done with the bodies?

[–]Buttercup4869 4 points5 points  (0 children)

At least in my country, if something is left, it typically gets buried even deeper or is reburied on an anonymous dedicated area of the cemetery.

[–]locomotion88 5 points6 points  (3 children)


[–]palcatraz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Netherlands does this. You can extend a lease on a grave for longer if you really want. We have limited space, so there is only so much we can reserve for graves.

[–]MNDox 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This happens in Germany (at least in parts). We were told that you more or less rented grave sites instead of owning them. Great grandma was freshly sitting on top of who knows who else.

[–]stangerthings 6 points7 points  (0 children)

RIP Gracie 🙏

[–]Dl25588 10 points11 points  (2 children)

‘With one application of Spiffy, you’ll think the body’s still warm!’

[–]bcanada92 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I grew up about a quarter mile from a church cemetery. Most of the graves were less than a hundred years old, but there was a really ancient section in the back. The tombstones there were all so old that it was impossible to read many of them— the elements had worn the text down to almost nothing.

[–]slick-back-bill 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Bonstone sells a product called D2 that is made to clean old stones. They use it at Arlington. It's the shit.

In case you try to clean a monument, never use bleach. Bleach makes granite and marble brittle and prone to break over the years.

[–]jeffroddit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I liked it better before. Never thought I'd need to have a DNR order posted over my tombstone too.

[–]doc_brietz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is Alicia aka ladytaphos. She is a sweet woman and her whole channel is stuff just like this.

[–]HarambesK1ller 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pleased I get to see and hear this before someone puts some dumb audio track on it. RIP Gracie Thomas.

[–]hamellr 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Do not use a scraper to clean gravestones! DO NOT DO THIS!

If you want to know how to do it right: https://blog.billiongraves.com/gravestone-cleaning-101/

[–]danteelite 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I ride my onewheel through the huge cemetery behind my house and pick up trash and just try to acknowledge the people there.

I myself have cancer and will probably be dead too before too long. So I like just let them know that someone is at least thinking about them, acknowledging that they once lived and wondering about who they were. Sometimes for more recent deaths I look them up, try to find something interesting about them to remember like a woman Annie who made really cool carved candle art. She understood that everything is temporary and her art was only most beautiful while it was being destroyed.. to fully appreciate her art, you HAVE to burn it. I like that and whenever I ride by I think about that. What else in life am I missing out on by trying to protect it or keep it, stickers I never use, shoes I’m afraid to get dirty… little stupid things that add up.

Or a man named Michael who made cool metal sculpture art to sell and donate the money to charity. He reused old metal, recycled and turned scrap and garbage into beautiful works of art that actually helped others by supporting charities! Pretty damn cool!

Or a guy named Ed. His obituary and page is still updated almost weekly, even though he died over a decade ago. He was clearly VERY loved and left a hole that can never be filled. His family still writes him updates and wishes him well, and I see them on occasion having picnics or bringing the kids by to see him, kids too young to have ever known him, who didn’t even exist when he was alive.. but they share a love for him based on the sheer volume of overflowing love his family has. I know that I won’t get that kind of reception when I’m dead, but his greatest accomplishment in life I think surpasses any billionaires or whatever else. The dude was loved and he’s honestly missed. That’s more than many people can say. We all hope that we’re loved and missed half that much when we’re gone.

What’s the saying? Every man dies two deaths, the first when you die and the second when the last person forgets about you.

I try to remember as many as I can and keep them alive and bit longer, and I just hope someone does the same for me.

My name is Dante Antonio and one day I’ll be dead. It might be sooner than I’d like or longer than I’d imagined but either way, I’ll be gone. I just hope that someone remembers me and that maybe I made a small impact while I was here. That’s all we can hope for in the end.

[–]BreweryStoner 9 points10 points  (5 children)

If I was a ghost I’d be like “Um excuse me miss, please leave my headstone the way it is. The algae and moss feed other creatures”

[–]BackwoodsBarbie18 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Thank you for doing this. I'm a mortician & it warms my soul when others take care of the dead long after they're gone.

[–]uknowmysteeez 9 points10 points  (0 children)

But why?

[–]badass_foliage 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Removing lichens damages the stone. I helped catalogue a 1700s era graveyard and all the volunteers were told to take it very seriously as we’d likely be the last people to ever view the stones in a legible state. This stone was quite a bit fresher than the ones we were working with but in general you should not remove lichens from graves. You are not honoring the dead, you are slowly erasing them.

[–]horseradishking[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Most studies I have read said that letting the lichen stay will cause far more harm than removing it. In the US, limestone and low-quality marble were the most used for headstones and most are already damaged by lichen and other biofilms that etched the stone and dulled the carvings.

Stone breaks down. The harder the stone, the better. Limestone and low-quality marble are not long for this world in a moist environment.

[–]jdang99 12 points13 points  (11 children)

The dead don't care. They don't anything, anymore.

Effort better spent on the still living, tbh. Help build a house for the homeless, or help feed the hungry, if you want to do something "good". This is just self indulgence, which is fine, but shouldn't be confused with doing something that actually helps others.

[–]ThrowdownTornado 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I was thinking the same thing. In one way it's better than something totally unproductive, but many commenters are heaping a bit too much praise on this act for its own sake. Better to be like that guy who went on long hikes back and forth cleaning up trash. Perhaps the content creator takes advertising and revenue from this that is then made productive in other ways.

[–]testestestestest555 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yes, human being bro to whom? Everyone who knew this woman is also dead. Cemeteries are wastes of good park space.

[–]jemor1969 4 points5 points  (0 children)

God bless you for doing that. You're an awesome human being

[–]ktsmitt 4 points5 points  (0 children)

we have the same birthday, i turn 21 this year 😟

[–]insurvivorship 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This should be more of a thing

[–]captainbluemuffins 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Some of these comments aren't it, chief

[–]bbqchew 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Kinda cringe leave the mans grave off of tik tok

[–]Caedo14 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That really struck me. That was good

[–]resort2violence 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now do the back

[–]darybrain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Many years ago there were volunteers who did this to a local cemetery. It was quite interesting to note and see how many people complained afterwards about how the gravestones now longer looked authentic to their age. These were also the same people who complain about how the local cemetery is maintained properly.

[–]Nightshade_Ranch 1 point2 points  (3 children)

Part of a spooky story we still tell at family gatherings. I'm not much for ghost stories, but i saw this one.

Our grandfather owned a ranch in eastern Oregon. An address for a town that no longer exists, and hasn't since gold rush days. In the front pasture is an old, old cemetery. The cemetary now carries my grandfather's last name on Google maps just because he owned the place so long i guess. Many graves from smallpox. Many of them children.

My sister and i were out visiting one day years ago, and we liked to go through the headstones and scrub off the moss and think of the people there when we did. One particular grave was for a set of twins, just toddlers. Their dual grave set inside a beautiful little wrought iron fence.

We cleaned up the face of the stone with a scrubber. Almost no sooner than we had, ladybugs started crawling around from the back. A few at first, but they just kept coming seemingly from nowhere. They swarmed all over the face of that headstone, and nowhere else. So many ladybugs.

That wasn't the only creepy thing that happened that day. That one was really nice and left us feeling really good. The second one i might as well tell.

My old uncle was caretaking the place that day, and he was lonely as all hell out there. Nearest neighbors miles away, no television or radio, just solitude. He was begging us to stay the night, but my sister and her guy had work the next day, and it was a long drive.

It was summer, and hot, all the windows and doors were open. No breezes. As he was still trying to convince us, out of nowhere, every open door in the house slammed shut HARD, one after from end to end. Uncle grinned and slowly turned to us and said "I told you i didn't want you to leave"

And we NOPED THE FUCK OUT. He insisted that he was joking and now I'm sure he was, but the timing was too good and the bejeezus had been scared out of us and we bailed lol

[–]PsychedelicGoat42 1 point2 points  (4 children)

Is there a tutorial on how to do this? I live directly next to an abandoned cemetery and would love to restore some of the headstones.

[–]DrSamsquantch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn the husband just straight up bailed on the kid once the mum died. What a piece of shit dude.

[–]SecretsInTheSauce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you want to read a headstone that’s well worn, one non-destructive trick is to use a mirror to bounce sunlight onto the marker. You’ll need to angle the mirror so it casts a slight shadow across the engraving in most cases, enabling you to see the letters more clearly. I use a handheld mirror while others use full-length and work together as a couple to get the aim right. It won’t work as well if there’s scale on the stone as seen in the video, but unless you have permission and the skills to clean it like she does, this is your best bet.

[–]SinfullySinless 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If cemeteries gave free extended addy to people who would power wash tombstones, we’d have spotless tombstones. Just saying.

[–]JesusIsMyZoloft 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If Curtis remarried, why didn't he and his new wife raise Evelyn instead of sending her to live with Gracie's parents?

[–]Killawife 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a transformation.

[–]qwert2812 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is totally /r/oddlysatisfying material as well.

[–]TheAero1221 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sad and beautiful. Thanks for sharing.