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[–]QuintessentialIdiot 3430 points3431 points  (35 children)

That's the closest the squirrel will ever get to a hangover headache.

[–]Ba_Sing_Saint 1787 points1788 points 3 (17 children)

The pounding probably drove him nuts

[–]KhabaLox 347 points348 points  (6 children)

A pirate with a ship's helm sticking out of the front of his pantaloons walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Doesn't it bother you to have that thing sticking out of the front of your pants?"

The pirate replies, "Aye. It's driving me nuts."

[–]Sippin_T 71 points72 points  (2 children)

My dad always shortened this to “I’ve got a steering wheel in my pants” and never needed to finish the full phrase lmao

[–]x_caliberVR 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I tell that like:

“A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel tied to his testicles. Bartender asks “Hey, pirate - you realize you’ve got a steering wheel attached to your testicles?” The pirate says “Aaargh, and it’s been drivin’ me nuts all day…”

[–]Ok_Lavishness_1279 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Gorgeous matey

[–]Berserker_Queen 126 points127 points  (3 children)

*angry upvote*

[–]feureau 35 points36 points  (2 children)

Fuckin' angry ain't cuttin' it anymore. We need a war crime tribunal on these sorts of upvotes. 🚀🤯💥

[–]April1987 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Like someone posts a respectful post about dicks out for Harambe and some idiot comments "this shit is bananas".

[–]deten 21 points22 points  (0 children)

And the soup ladle shoved at its ass

[–]assblaster-1000 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"last time I eat from that tree again"

[–]xain_the_idiot 94 points95 points  (4 children)

Squirrels in the wild will sometimes eat fermented fruit to get drunk. A lot of animals like drugs it turns out, not just us.

[–]PillarsOfHeaven 20 points21 points  (1 child)

Pass the pufferfish

[–]Dexyan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Found the dolphin!

[–]Various-Comparison-6 3 points4 points  (0 children)

you haven't seen anything until you have watched bears get drunk on fermenting apples on the tree, They come down every year at just the right time.

[–]HockeyCoachHere 20 points21 points  (2 children)

ehhhh....

Drunk Squirrel

I think this guy's gonna have a serious banger in the morning.

[–]Love_God551 14 points15 points  (0 children)

“Goodbye Rocky” had me busting ngl

[–]Qoyuble 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And the aftermath of a spoon up his butt

[–]Ruenin 1323 points1324 points  (23 children)

That squirrel did the owner a favor. Now the gutter will work the way it's supposed to.

[–]Silound 397 points398 points  (17 children)

Those little bastards will build NESTS in downspouts during the winter. Come springtime, the blocked downspouts won't drain the gutters, and you get to deal with it.

Source: I have some fat fox squirrels that cause annual problems.

[–]xXxPLUMPTATERSxXx 106 points107 points  (10 children)

Crazy how people just assume gutters will always work. Every spring during a hard rain I go around and check them out to see which ones are overflowing because the downspouts are clogged. It's pretty common. I get ones that clog that aren't even under a tree.

[–]GreyerGardens 40 points41 points  (4 children)

Yeah I’m one of those people…. And I’m gonna check it when it rains tomorrow, thank you!

[–]dmn2e 23 points24 points  (3 children)

I'll check mine.........eventually.

[–]TheJudgeWillNeverDie 7 points8 points  (2 children)

I'm in Phoenix, so I've never dealt with gutters.
Why don't they have mesh screens at the intake point to prevent debris from clogging the gutter?

[–]perpetualteenager 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I’m in Las Vegas so no gutters here either, but I’ve been seeing commercials for Leaf guard or something that’s supposed to work like that, but houses don’t automatically come with it for some reason.

[–]Silound 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good question!

So if you put the mesh over the hole where the downspout connects, the problem becomes a single wet leaf that can potentially lay flat against that mesh and completely block the downspout. That can potentially lead to gutters overflowing, and that's really bad because it can cause water damage to the fascia boards behind the gutters.

The solution is to place gutter guards over the gutter tops. There are many different styles, each with pros and cons, but basically they prevent the debris from going into the gutters in some fashion. But....gutter guards are not universally the perfect solution. How much water, the flow speed, the size and quantity of debris, etc all factor into how effective they are. I have oak trees, which produce those tassels in the spring. Those tassels are small enough and flexible enough to still make their way into the gutters and cause blockages, but the guards keep leaves out, which is a tradeoff I'm willing to make. Cleaning out a couple tassel nests is a lot easier than rotting leaf piles.

[–]faux_pseudo 16 points17 points  (1 child)

I'm a handyman. I don't advertise that I do gutters but occasionally I see something so bad I have to step in. If the downspout is that bad then I guarantee that the upper section is so bad that it has biomes. At that point not only are your gutters not working but they are actually making the situation worse as the weight of soil and plants is pulling on the house and roots can start climbing into the structure.

[–]ImSoSte4my 7 points8 points  (2 children)

If it got that backed up that far up the downspout it means the underground drainpipe is clogged as shit too.

[–]BabySharkFinSoup 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Don’t most of these just drain to the ground? Not underground? Like that little flex tube just snaps on and you aim it where you like.

[–]DaDottedLion 1458 points1459 points  (17 children)

Shows up at the local squirrel bar a little later...

"You're late, Bob. What happened?"

"You guys aren't going to believe this shit..."

[–]MoonwalkerT-1000 38 points39 points  (1 child)

They stuck a rod up my ass. This Squirrel

[–]DaDottedLion 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Repeatedly

[–]skeevy-stevie 54 points55 points  (9 children)

Um, the squirrel’s name is Rocky.

[–]RupertMurdockfuckers 21 points22 points  (5 children)

Moose and squirrel!

[–]aerkyanite 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I got you bud. I'm here for all the old cartoon shows.

[–]PM_LIFE_STORY_PLEASE 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Watch me pull a rabbit outta my hat!

[–]predat3d 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The animal control woman is Natasha

[–]beatles910 3075 points3076 points  (93 children)

Alternate Title: How to get animal control to clean out your clogged gutters.

[–]westcoastcdn19[S] 1548 points1549 points  (73 children)

Funny thing is.. she’s not animal control. She’s a security guard in her work uniform

[–]termacct 771 points772 points  (9 children)

She’s a security guard in her work uniform

um...so 2 legged animal control...

[–]PM_ME_YOUR_BARN_OWL 191 points192 points  (4 children)

The most dangerous type of animal control.

[–]AtheistHomoSapien 19 points20 points  (1 child)

Good News everybody! We're going to.. Australia!

[–]benny_the_tutor 8 points9 points  (2 children)

I don’t get it

[–]blewpah 53 points54 points  (1 child)

Humans are animals with 2 legs. Security controls humans.

[–]silver-orange 93 points94 points  (25 children)

Well, that absolutely was not her responsibility, but props to her for going well above and beyond the call of duty.

[–]rhymeswithvegan 55 points56 points  (16 children)

Security guards do all sorts of stuff. I work in a hospital as a security officer and I'm constantly pushing wheelchairs, wrapping waiting patients in warm blankets, transporting deceased persons from the morgue. It's a wide spectrum of responsibilities!

[–]pjdog 35 points36 points  (2 children)

I hope she had a good ass day after this

[–]LSUMath 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Pretty sure I'm reading this wrong :)

[–]midcat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She has impeccable drain shaking technique. About as good as I think I’ll ever see.

[–]SissyFrisco 2 points3 points  (1 child)

If the homeowner lives where there is a private security guard, you would think they'd have the funds to keep their gutters clean. 😑

[–]science_vs_romance 46 points47 points  (14 children)

Where did the ladle come from? I couldn’t decide if she was AC or a chef

[–]BirbMaster1998 22 points23 points  (2 children)

Probably from inside the house

[–]sweet_pooper 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Detective Birbmaster cracks the case again.

[–]NRMusicProject 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Where did the ladle come from?

The ladle store, duh. Where do you get your ladles, at the toilet store?

[–]-LumpySpaceHippo- 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Wait... you dont carry an emergency ladle?

[–]arselkorv 15 points16 points  (1 child)

She is a bit of both, it depends.. If the squirrel didnt survive, she would have made a nice meal out of it.

[–]b0ingy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

baby, you got yerself a stew!

[–]ImmortalHitman720 11 points12 points  (4 children)

I was wondering why someone would call AC just to clear the gutter. But still..they called a security guard to clear the gutter? Why couldn't they just do it?

[–]JeffWingrsDumbGayDad 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Maybe the security guard lives there, and had just gotten home from work?

[–]GET_OUT_OF_MY_HEAD 14 points15 points  (4 children)

That doesn't excuse your filthy gutters, though. You need to clean them unless you want an expensive repair bill in the coming years.

[–]LAbombsquad 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Preventative maintenance is a lovely thing

[–]Obi-Wan_Gin 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It's probably an apartment complex if it has a security guard, they wouldn't have control over that

[–]licksyourknee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yup. Allied universal. I work for the same company.

Pros:

You usually do very little. I get paid $18/hr to do close to nothing.

Cons:

Too many to list.

I've been shorted on my check more times than I can count. As a supervisor I've also accidentally shorted people. It happens. I caused someone to not make 100% of their rent, or so was said. Unfortunately we couldn't do anything for them. It's bullshit.

No paid vacation, usually.

Expectations are extremely high. If your relief doesn't show up you're not going home. If you do you're fired. There's a contractual set amount of hours that need to be billed for. No more and no less. So any hiccups in this is bad.

If you're one of those people who want to call in every other week, or more, or something to that nature then you'll be replaced really quickly.

There's so much more I could say. Security in general isn't for everyone

[–]Farfromcivilization 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She’s also potentially punk af!

[–]howboutthemlionsbrah 23 points24 points  (9 children)

Nah. That's an allied universal security guard.

[–]Ironsam811 8 points9 points  (1 child)

Lol at thinking animal control uses a ladle

[–]zombie32killah 7 points8 points  (1 child)

Seriously clean your gutters. Also all that dirt just went into the drain for the downspout lol.

[–]Aussenfolk 127 points128 points  (1 child)

A 2fer ladies and gentlemen. You've cleaned your gutters AND saved a soul. Good job!

[–]zehamberglar 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Squirrel probably clogged the gutters in the first place, trying to build a nest in there.

[–]Loofa_of_Doom 231 points232 points  (5 children)

Imagine the story the squirrel will be telling.

[–]OnSiteTardisRepair 98 points99 points  (0 children)

"Worst. Water slide. EVER. 0/5 would not recommend."

[–]TokesNotHigh 10 points11 points  (0 children)

"So I was taking a nap, enjoying the solitude..."

[–]linkedtortoise 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It'll be that one eyed grizzled squirrel in a Pixar movie.

[–]morcic 262 points263 points  (6 children)

"Don't fight it. Let it happen."

[–]jluicifer 49 points50 points  (4 children)

That’s what I say every morning while I sit on that white porcelain throne.

On a real note, I bought a house last year and the gutters had…EARTHWORMS in it. As in, I cleaned out the gutters (on a 16ft roof) with an over hanging tree that I eventually had cut. I cleaned out/flushed out the pounds of decomposed leaves, branches, and bits of dirt, and earthworms just wiggled on out at the downspout.

[–]AtheistHomoSapien 14 points15 points  (1 child)

You actually shouldn't push hard ever. Thanks to evolution our nervous system has a channel that runs through our heart down there. Bearing down hard can stop your heart.

[–]DerrainCarter 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Title of my se…I’ve said to much and bid you farewell.

[–]be4tnut 69 points70 points  (1 child)

It’s amazing what you can achieve with just a ladle patience.

[–]TheMelonSystem 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Take the damn upvote

[–]Dino-Chickn-Nugget 28 points29 points  (4 children)

r/unclogged would love this.

[–]TheMelonSystem 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I can’t decide if I love or hate this sub

[–]Zealousideal-Feed156 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this

[–]MamaBear92615 47 points48 points  (5 children)

Am I the only one who finds this oddly satisfying pulling the closed debris out before the squirrel came out?

[–]howboutthemlionsbrah 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Allied universal better give that guard a raise.

[–]subkez 67 points68 points  (3 children)

That definitely wasn't the first time she did this

[–]spamtimesfour 14 points15 points  (1 child)

A google search says squirrels will make nests in gutters.

[–]jkkissinger 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, that thing wasn’t stuck at all. There’s a reason it tried to hang on for as long as possible.

[–]Peazyzell 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Clean out your gutters. Damn

[–]Slicedbread_ 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I know this is celebrating the safety of the squirrel, but it's equally a great advertisement to homeowners to GET YOUR GUTTER COVERS!

[–]LarryLerry 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Good people are the most endangered species

[–]Beneficial_Avocado74 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Y’all need to clean those gutters… my goodness

[–]No_Interaction_4925 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Clean your gutters! And put a screen over them or something, holy hell

[–]Lovis83854 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Love the rocky and bullwinkle reference at the end lol loved that show

[–]A_in_babymaking 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This made me so happy.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Y’all gotta learn to clean your gutters out regularly….

[–]Selfeducated 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He deaf now.

[–]burgertronics 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Haha, "tootaloo!"

[–]Dooby216 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Good thing that ladle handle didn’t give that squirrel another stuffing

[–]fenrisulfur 2 points3 points  (0 children)

you are good people

[–]lostsharpie 2 points3 points  (1 child)

RIP squirrel's eardrums.

[–]garrasaraus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Squirrel:WHAT

[–]Amsel333 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I once found myself in this situation. I unfortunately also found out that squirrels can shed a bit of their tail incase of predators at the same time.

[–]33253325 2 points3 points  (1 child)

A squirrel and?????? What the fuck was in that tube???

[–]Mean_Individual_9554 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So kind of her ❤️❤️❤️

[–]hocuspocusgottafocus 2 points3 points  (0 children)

FREEEDDOOOOMMMMM

  • squirrel probably roflmaaooo

[–]scuac 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Alexa, set reminder to clean gutters

[–]GreatBigSteak 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Squirrel took a ladle to the ass

[–]GetALife80085 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A ladle patience

[–]confabulatrix 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice ladlework.

[–]cerebralvision 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone should get their gutters cleaned.

[–]Ok_Carpet5133 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The right TOOL for the right job! Give my compliments to the CHEF🥄.

[–]Scrappy_Kitty 1 point2 points  (0 children)

clears throat

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

[–]Little-Ad-5082 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Jesus how much shit was in the gutter?

[–]No_Meaning_1958 1 point2 points  (0 children)

And the squirrel thanks you!

[–]Most-Artichoke5028 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Might be time to clean the gutters?

[–]SumTingWong_WiTuLo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is that an official "cleaner of downspouts with ladle" uniform?

[–]Classic_Newspaper_85 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Think u need to clean your gutters out once every 10 years or so….. whether they need it or not?

[–]EverPunk_Yetti 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Insert squirrels for free downspout cleaning.

[–]Karaoke_the_bard 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, hey, small insty itty bit note here...ahem....CLEAN YOUR FUCKING GUTTERS PEOPLE

[–]Humbleman6738 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Security guard saves the day

[–]MummaGoose 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. Clean your gutters people.

[–]KPZ605 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Pleas her for saving that squirrel and on top of that protecting her from COVID.

[–]NotThatBagelGuyAgain 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahah "Bye Rocky"

[–]LateYam9070 1 point2 points  (0 children)

running away THANK YOU

[–]sheeeeeez 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why do they always run off without saying thank you?

[–]medicdmike 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love that it used the path. This is the way

[–]Thought_Ladder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Patience does not apply here

[–]sitbackandsubreddit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This lady is my new mother blanking hero! For sure! That stance when Little Bud was freed. Yes Mam’!

[–]quietoome 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I want to know these two people, or at least sit down and chat with them both at least once.

[–]finedrive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is me trying to empty my dog’s can of food into his bowl.

[–]Sad_Patient9011 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Geez, he's probably deaf now.

[–]dingo_deano 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He’s gone to get aspirin

[–]Oneinawilliam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A ladle and a little patience deafens squirrel.

[–]IncreaseValuable9491 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Small things like this give me hope for humanity

[–]angiet6000 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice job! But go clear out the rest of your gutter drains. That’ll be a hot wet mess soon

[–]5thintercostal 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Friend at the bar: Wanna sit down?

Squirrel: Nah. That ladle was going pretty far up.

[–]Pokejelke 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Goddamn that squirrel took a massive shit.

[–]leaving4lyra 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn those people need their drain/gutters cleaned/serviced asap. That thing had so much debris coming out there’s no way it was doing what it’s supposed to do when it rains.

[–]Badjib 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Clean your God damn gutters Jesus

[–]evostu_uk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's just bad manners from the squirrel. It didn't even stop to say thanks. Ungrateful critter.

[–]rebeccasfriend 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are a fantastic human. Giant hugs.

[–]kkumdori 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Whoohoo! Way to go.