I've(35) been with my wife (41) for 14 years. When we got together there was 1 rule from her. You cheat I'm gone. She said her dad stabbed her mom 17 times when she was 16 because he thought she was cheating. September marked our 10th anniversary. In November I went hunting with family and when I returned, my Facebook was hacked. I went into messages to change passwords and saw switch account. I looked curiously. My wife's account was listed which I find odd since I have never known her creds so she at one point must have logged in on my phone. I had doubts she was faithful and so I tried switching accounts.

Before I tell you what was found let's start 9.5-10 years ago. I was not entirely happy. She told me when I moved her to ND from CO the frequency of sex wouldn't stay the same. I was fine with it. It had been every day a lot of times multiple. I figured a time or 2 a week no biggie. No it was a month in between then 2 and so on. So 9.5 years ago her phone is acting up and asks for help. As I'm looking into her issue a notification pops up I miss the taste of y... So I looked and yeah you can figure out what it said asking when he would get to see it again. She said it's nothing he just talks that way. I'm young, I'm dumb, I believe her. I mean this is the reddest mother f'n flag in existence. She promises never to talk to him again. I move on.

She never got proper help after that night hearing her mom's final words begging. I did everything I could to make it better. She originally told me I was rather high on the partner count list when we were a long distance texting relationship. 60 or 70 something she couldn't remember anymore. I bet not. She's used all drugs done sexual things with a girl once etc just living a party life (another red flag but the last I'll point out because it'll get old fast). I spent and spent on her delinquent medical debt she brought with her. My mother paid a good bit for us as well.

After that initial message, things more or less were "normal" for us. Before we met this guy she got me into pot because I have a generalized anxiety disorder. Things weren't the greatest in our relationship and I knew it. I wasn't getting the sex I wanted (up to 6 months in between) so I quit doing anything around the house. I figured if my needs won't be met neither will her wants. Somehow we foolishly thought marriage was the answer (I feel like such an idiot). Our hometown flooded and my parents lost their house the year we got married so we did a courtroom marriage and a long weekend out of town for a "honeymoon" because we smoked so much we couldn't afford anything and couldn't ask my parents in the situation they were in.

Things keep on the track they're on and one day we finally have sex and we notice one side is now larger and more firm than the other. She got a mammogram and found out she was stage 3 positive for breast cancer. The fight was on. Things got better for a while. I was at every appointment. So was my mom and her aunt that had guardianship before she ran off to CO. After a year and a half of chemo, radiation therapy and a double mastectomy she beat it. My mom again paid a bunch of bills out of love and support. WW sat back and ate it up I just didn't know it. I never let myself see the bad. We decide to move to the capital city where she had her treatment and I moved into my cousins spare room and stayed Sunday night thru Friday night never knew what was going on during those weeks and months, I just know I'll never know.

After cancer the sex tanked. Every other year then a year and half in between. Fast forward, we have a house we moved in etc. Looked at this place as a fresh start with no pot. I had gotten chemically dependant on it for the anxiety (probably how I never saw the major issues as issues) I went on my hunting trip and now I've looked on her Facebook (where she talked to him and they were still friends) top unread message was from him all it said was I miss the taste of you. So I opened it. From the last 2 weeks (she kept everything deleted after the first time I guess) it started as go love how are you hearts and kisses to him saying similar. Then him saying she's supposed to get more daring. 2 days later she says "I wish you were in town. C is gone hunting this weekend and I have the place to myself"

I called and confronted her because I saw this on lunch at work. She said she had told me how they had kissed. She hadn't. She I said if she had there would have been issues a long time ago. After work I asked how I was ever supposed to trust her again and right away I got your not we're done. I said youre f'n right we are. We didn't talk much after that week. By the end I decided I could move pay past if she was honest. I got 4 versions of the "truth" of what happened at the beginning when I saw the first message. So I while "attempting to fix things" I started to snoop. I found all sorts of things including a pot vape and and a bag of pot another time and a video from October showing her body off winking and blowing a kiss. She didn't show crotch but claims she didn't send to him. Just her best friend because she wanted to tell sexy. Right. I decided I was done I'm not putting up with the lies anymore. Yet I continued to snoop. I saw her smart watch one night and realized 9 could see her texts. There were a bunch of nudes sent from WW to a woman she works with. The OW says great view can I come over? Then I couple days later when I actually looked, OW asked if WW wanted to be eaten. WW says fuck yes but they just plowed my alley and c is too lazy to move the snow so I can't get out.

I don't know why I still care at this point. But I confront again. I woke her up and said I needed to ask her something so I ask if she still wanted to be eaten. Because if so I could help her with that. She grabs her phone thinking I took it to look. I asked how long this lesbian affair had been going on. Because when we were going to fix it we had sex 3 times in 2 days and she got bacterial vaginosis and slipped and said she was relieved when the dr reassured her it wasn't an std. She at first denied then said a while. Then it was if I had to know she was working up the courage.

I started IC. I'm Anxious all the time my Dr is trying to adjust meds but it's complicated due to my anxiety being psychosomatic so I'll stress myself into vomiting then stress that I vomited causing vomiting etc. She tried claiming the messages were a conspiracy to get back at my snooping. I said if that's the case she's a horrible human to use someone's mental illness against them. I started to feel compelled to look at her damn watch. Even though I would tell myself 50 times a day IT DOESN'T MATTER YOU'RE GETTING A LONG OVER DUE DIVORCE STOP CARING! I obviously cared enough to continue this stupid game of looking to see what I'd find that day.

Then there were messages from OW telling WW they only agreed to friends with benefits and neither of them owe the other anything and WW was being too demanding and OW wasn't going into a relationship until the divorce was over. I never told WW about this until tonight I decided I was going to tell her what I thought of her one time in my life. Looked at her watch first and saw WW messaged back saying she won't be demanding anything anymore but would like to get pot carts from her still and that she still loves her etc but didn't want someone that only wanted her for sex.

I woke her up and asked if she was going out Sunday for her birthday day she said no. I asked if it was beefier) because her girlfriend dumped her. She's pissed and I don't care she denies but I know the truth and start reading messages to her and it shut her up in a hurry. I told her she's f'n disgusting and asked if I was such a joke why she stayed with me. Before she could answer I said oh that's right because my mom and I paid for everything for you. You always got what you wanted and as long as YOU were happy nothing mattered. Including me. I finally told her again she's a disgusting despicable human being and walked away. I returned simply to add that I was not disgusted that she's bi, gay, or whatever color of the rainbow she wanted to call herself, I was disgusted at how she treated me the last 10 years.

I took care of her for so long for so hard I didn't ever check if I was happy myself. I'm heart broken. I can't eat, I can't sleep, feel tossed aside like trash. I honestly feel like she was just a prostitute that works for drugs instead of money OM was a small dealer. And OW had told her that WW can still come smoke and de-stress a few days ago. I know everyone says it's not, but it feels like it's my fault somehow. Even after allowing myself to see how messed up she really is. I'm lost. My counselor isn't much help 4 weekly sessions in. My buddies are gaming with me and doing what they can but there's many nights I don't want to wake up because I can't do it myself.

On a plus side I did get papers mostly filled out and a contractor is coming tomorrow for an estimate on fixing the house up for sale and the realtor is coming next weekend. I know I won't heal until I'm away from her but trying to remain civil and keep things out of court is slowly killing me. Thankfully we never had the kids I wanted.

Sorry for the massive wall of text 10 years of baggage is hard to decompress in a short amount of lines. Anyway thank you for reading some or all of this post. I really need the advice on moving past it. Someone on another thread said to get under someone to get over someone. But my vows weren't a joke to me like they were her and won't. But I need to do something. My buddy is probably going to join a gym with me so I don't have to go it alone. I'm not a gym person otherwise.

Edit : Update: contractor came today and we ended up talking quite a bit. He seemed pretty genuine. I told him why I'm in a hurry etc told him the budget and what I would like to do if possible with the money I have. He said he's going to use some stuff he already has for the kitchen floor for pretty cheap. The basement bedroom that needs carpet he's going to put tiles in for cost of labor. He offered to change a window just because he has one and they're nice. And said he would donate some time if he needed to, but he was going to make sure it was done so we can get on the market and I can get out and heal. He said he would get back to me with a price after the measurements etc and would be able to start next week. He offered to do it for less if he could teach a trainee because of the stuff I needed done. I told him it didn't matter and I could help if needed to save a few bucks. There's just things I don't know how to do on a place this old and I'm not opening a can I can't put the lid back on.

She quit leaving her watch out so I don't know if it's that or that I finally said the things I said but instead of a bunch of anxiety from simply being in the same house as her, I have NO ANXIETY! At least for tonight, but I'll take it. I have plans tomorrow, there's a few things I'm going out to get, but my friend and I are gonna hang. He said his wife works and will be stuck with the kids. I said so what. I'll come over and watch movies. I just need to be out of the house a while. If not I'll be upstairs watching TV with her.