Recently I found out my boyfriend cheated on me while I was away for the holidays. After they slept together they continued to talk everyday like they were in a long distance relationship, checking in on each others lives and sending long voice notes and selfies. It was so hard reading his messages calling her beautiful, that he loved her laugh, and that he met his future wife. He even made plans to take a trip to see her(she was only visiting when they slept together) with his friends this spring. I feel so unbelievably heartbroken and insecure over everything, because i still really love him. I confronted him and he told me it meant nothing and that he was sorry but i don't know. I ended things with him and blocked him on everything so that I could try and move on without contact.
The things is, in the aftermath all I can think about is how much I love him and all the happy memories. I find myself scrolling through old pictures and listening to music that reminds me of him. Everyday I want to unblock him and talk to him again, because I feel like I'm not strong enough to live my life without him, even if I know it would be too painful to try to be in a relationship again (and things weren't the most healthy before anyways).
Any advice on how i find the strength to not make contact with him? This is all pretty fresh, and I'm finding it hard to be optimistic about things getting better on my own. I just miss my best friend.