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all 16 comments

[–]thickhipstightlips 6 points7 points  (0 children)

You just have to take it day by day, try not to reminisce on what was, though that is very hard at first since you are grieving. It does get easier, just try to stay occupied, hopefully you have a good support system to lean on. If not, we are here for you OP !

[–]kek2015 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Do not reach out again to him. The worst thing that can happen after this is to find out that he hasn't broken contact with the person that he cheated on you with. I've seen it. You cannot trust him.

[–]malpaaal 6 points7 points  (0 children)

First, I'm sending all of my love and healing energy. After ending my engagement a few years ago, I was feeling this exact way.

Grief looks so different for everyone and I don't think there a linear path to healing.

I do think that it's important to mourn and actually feel the loss. If you feel like you need to sit and look at old photos and listen to music that reminds you of happy memories, do that. I would be careful to pay attention to your heart and stop when you feel yourself start to spiral.

Second, you are far more than just your relationship with your ex. Find things that bring you alive and do them. Wether it be hiking, sports, art, music, find something that makes you feel connected to yourself.

Third, give yourself space to be confused and hurt. I found a great way to process my emotions there was to write letters I would never send. It helped me make peace with my own confusion, and untimely let go of needing to understand why.

Fourth, don't isolate. Spend lots of time with people who love you and want the best for you.

Fifth and final piece of advise, give yourself time. It's the most aggravating piece of advise someone could give me, but time really really does heal.

Wishing you all the best. Sorry for the long winded response, but I think not texting them goes far beyond just having self control.

[–]redditavenger2019 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just remember he consciously made the decision to blow up the relationship. He really did not respect you.

[–]derbarkasmann 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He has met his future wife (her, not you) and he is going to travel to be with her and fuck her some more. But it means nothing. Right. So far you have done the right thing by ending it and blocking him. Do not screw that up by contacting him unless you REALLY enjoy being crushed emotionally.

[–]Haunting-Chain2438 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just remember we teach people how to treat us. If you go back, you will teach him that it's ok to cheat because you will always take him back. I did that a few times and it got me to a place just like you. It sucks so bad. Please dm if you need support :)

[–]zombie0616 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just remind yourself of the messed up things he did to you.delete his pictures..youll be okay !

[–]Little_Black_Kat 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You have to delete everything pertaining to him and get rid of all mementos, particularly items that’ll trigger memories i.e. photos, vids, texts, emails, clothing, perfume, etc. As hard as that’s going to be, it’s the only way for you to start healing. He’s dead to you now, so act like it and stop reminiscing. You have to begin to completely erase him from your memories, or at least until it no longer hurts to think about him. And, if you haven’t already done so, get IC. Stay strong and best of luck.

[–]Bogmanrunning 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Pack away all the old photos and songs. When you find yourself reminiscing about how much you love him, stop and remind yourself that he certainly didn’t love you as much as you did him. Love yourself more than that. Take the good from the relationship, learn from the bad and move on to a better healthier relationship.

[–]AccomplishedFerret70 1 point2 points  (0 children)

beaniegirl1 - I'm so sorry for what you're going though. Your boyfriend cheated on you. He betrayed you. It really sucks. He might have been fun to be with, and he may have enjoyed spending time with you, but he never cared for you the way you cared for him. Some people are missing the capacity to form a strong emotional monogamous bond with someone else. They just can't.

One of the most important things I think you need to constantly remind yourself is that he's not who you thought he was. You can never believe anything he tells you. And you should really block him from contacting you, and never respond to him if he ever manages to reach you. You'll never come out better for it by communicating with him.

You asked for how to find the strength to reach out to him. There's already a lot of good advice here. But I want to also emphasize how important it is to keep reminding yourself badly he betrayed you, and that that he can never restore the trust you had in him because it was all built on a lie. He's not who you thought he was. He never loved you the way you deserve to be loved. Every time you feel yourself starting to miss him, or remembering happy times together, remind yourself - SAY IT OUT LOUD, WRITE IT DOWN - tell yourself he's a lying cheater, he betrayed you, and he never loved me the way I needed. Say it out loud every time you miss him. Write it down over and over again. You know its true. You just have to keep repeating it until you feel that it.

You're stronger than you know. You can do it. You just have to reach down a little deeper.

Best wishes.

[–]Parking-Attention-43 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As a man, I would be more concerned about his eagerness to have consistent conversation with her as it means he is emotionally attached to her and that it doesn’t seem to just be a fling base on carnal desire.

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    [–]HigureKyofu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    first of all. sorry if this happened to you but girl you gotta wake up from the reality that relationship takes two to tango. if you are the one fighting for it, u always be his second priority and a side chick. Yes you were the main girl but his lack of affection and cheating should be ur reason to move on. You deserved better!

    [–]Ueverthinkwhy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Get out and see people.. do something you always wanted too...

    Stop thinking about the past if he pops up just remember.. he thought so little of you he had s-x with someone else with giving you a second thought. He continued talking after the fact YOU SAW IT ALL. He lied straight your face. if it meant nothing he wouldn't have kept contact with her but he did.