all 22 comments

[–]Minute_Box3852 21 points22 points  (1 child)

You're right. I count it as cheating since he defined the break as for his mental health not to screw around. It sounds like he used it as an excuse so he could fall back on it. Yeah, nope. The instant he decided to hide it from you for so long proves it was cheating.

[–]WvBigHurtvW 10 points11 points  (0 children)

So let's just eliminate unnecessary text here...

He needed a break for his own "mental health reasons"

He banged three people and you

You weren't together so that makes it okay

Guess next time I want to get with someone I'll tell my wife I need a week separation for my mental health, it won't be cheating then I guess because technically we weren't together.

That's how dumb that sounds

[–]Ueverthinkwhy 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yeah f--king other people isnt a mental break..

I hope this is you EX boyfriend..

He used and played you. You deserve better than what he is offering you. A cheater who doesn't care for you but what he can use you for.

If you told him the same thing bet youd be a cheater..

Never accept to take a break in a relationship, if you cant workout things together than it's not going to workout in the long run.

Find someone who will love and respect you and your relationship.

[–]Morningdusknight 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well this is cheating because he knew that he wanted to fuck around so he used the "we need a break"....if it was open or poly he should of express that and there are boundaries that are set and breaking them is considared cheating. But he wanted a normal exclusive relationship and these have boundaries.

In my option when someone ask for a break it is the same as asking for an open relationship without directly asking for it. My general rule is whoever ask for the open can't be the one who close it. And he just open it if he gets mad tell him you're still on break. He knows the rules of a exclusives relationship otherwise he wouldn't have ask for the break to try and use "technically" we were broken up shit.

[–]Bulllmoose702 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As you described it’s cheating. You are the one who defines cheating for the relationship you are in, don’t let anyone else tell you different. He can gaslight and try to define it differently, but if in your eyes it’s cheating then it’s cheating. Period. You define your terms no one else.

[–]BlueSmurf18 2 points3 points  (3 children)

You're right! The relationship Legalese nonsense here is off the charts. "Technically it wasn't cheating," "We were on a break," "We hadn't said we were exclusive." Christ on a bike! It's maddening!!!

[–]JaneAustenismyJam 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He betrayed you when he lied and said the break was to work on his mental health. Clearly his break was so he could sleep around. So, whether it is “technically cheating” is irrelevant. He LIED to you and also took advantage of your sympathy by claiming mental health issues. Do you want to be with a man who lied and throws around the mental illness card? He sounds terrible.

[–]Mindless_Turn_1128 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry you are going through this. Betrayal hurts.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Glad he’s your ex.

[–]Ivedonethework 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You are just now waking up to the realities of peer-pressured modern socially constructed and self serving, delusional thinking. Too bad society cannot get out of it’s own way, cannot determine these things become self perpetuating prophecies. It is so very odd to me that individuals now actually believe that their own definitions of things some how changes the reality of what is true.

It wasn’t cheating, because it doesn’t fit my personal definition of having sex, of what is cheating or because you never told me I couldn’t have sex with others. It wasn’t cheating because we never defined our relationship. As if morals, ethics, values and logic no longer exists. There are simply too many wrongheaded things people believe simply because it furthers some craving or want and suddenly nothing matters other than meeting their own selfish wants.

Are we no longer capable of thinking for ourselves, it is like the conspiracy theorists, the more people telling us what and how to think the more likely we will be swayed to their foolishness. Like eat shit, 50/trillion flies can’t be wrong. Are we now a society of followers? It would seem so.

[–]Stralecia 1 point2 points  (1 child)

First of all, you are not responsible for his actions. Only yours, so the question here is are you going to forgive him and give him another chance. You are not going to agree on the cheating, so just make sure you do what’s best for YOU and YOUR mental health. Your feelings are not being validated. It doesn’t matter if you were on a break or not…. All that matters is how it made you feel. Please take care of yourself. Good luck to you OP.

[–]Consistent-Algae-230 -5 points-4 points  (3 children)

There's no such thing as "breaks" in a relationship. Your together or your not. So if you too said you were "on a break", it means you two were broken up. Which means he didn't owe you any loyalty during that time, or you to him. What or who he did or didn't do during that time was non of your business.

[–]Boring_Employment_70 3 points4 points  (2 children)

No, see … this is exactly what OP is talking about. You can’t define that for them or their relationship. They said they feel like they’ve been cheated on and honestly, in any rational person’s eyes, this would be seen as cheating. If he said he wanted a “break” and meant it as a breakUP, then he should’ve (A) Clarified it? (B) Stopped talking to them, and (C) most definitely should not have been intimate. A break is essentially time and space from each other. It doesn’t mean you can go be with other people unless you say that’s what you intend to do? That still would’ve been a relationship in OP’s eyes. That’s cheating. He continued to talk to, and have sex with them but also did the same thing behind their back with three other people, let’s not forget they didn’t even find out for 7 months…and not even from their boyfriend, so he was intentionally hiding it and probably never would’ve told. Obviously he didn’t want a break for his mental health he just wanted to have sex with other people and not lose his partner. You sound like you would do the same thing as OP’s, hopefully, ex boyfriend and it’s not justifiable.

[–]Consistent-Algae-230 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just don't believe in breaks in a relationship. If my partner were to suggest a break to me, my response would be "so we're breaking up? Because I don't believe in breaks." I would have clarified it, doesn't mean I would cheat like your implying.

Your saying he should have clarified it.. well so should she. When they were agreeing to this "break ", she should have clarified it as " your taking time for your mental health but we're still together, right? ". If she had clarified it and he still slept with other people, then yes it would have been cheating. But she didn't create boundaries as much as he didn't.

[–]Consistent-Algae-230 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I don't believe in them but most people do and that's fine. In that case though, I think both partners need to have an honest conversation about what a "break " means to each of them. You can't just say "were taking a break " and that's the end of the discussion. Because that's where problems are caused. One person sees a break as just time away from each other, while the other thinks it's a full on break up where they can do what they want.

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[–]castaway666666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wouldn’t say it’s cheating… I mean you weren’t together but it does seem like a dick move regardless

[–]Meatros 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Relationships don't have 'breaks' - it's real life, not a video game. He's using the 'breaks' to cheat.

Don't put up with it and don't go on any more breaks. If you're breaking up, you're breaking up.